Because America’s deep-seeded daddy issues have forced us to choose the ultimate worst patriarch—Donald SMDH Trump—as our country’s president, it’s time to think of ways we can distract ourselves during the next four years. Sure, donating our time and money to causes we care about will help. But what else can we do? (Besides stop being pussies and forfeiting our reproductive health rights in peace.)
As you ponder a country in which democracy no longer works, at least you can still exercise your womanly ways and succumb to (when you really think about them) strange beauty rituals. Like gluing plastic on your nails and painting them with color. Plus, according to Donald Trump’s new amendment to the Constitution, if you aren’t a “10” you might as well be a “0.” So, not only are the following 2017 nail trends a good way to distract yourself from this national tragedy, they are also a good way to fit into societal beauty norms! Which, after a few months, will probably be all that female US citizens have left. TBD.
1. Black Accents
Not to be confused with what Trump would call “the way the Blacks speak! inner cities!” black accents are a play on the usual black nail polish look. Swipe one one long strip down the middle (as seen on Vera Wang’s models) or use black to make any manicure look sadder.
2. Color Blocking
Not to be confused with Trump’s new policy of segregation called “color blocking,” this manicure is all about bright hues painted in unexpected ways.
3. Embellished Cuticles
Seen on models for Rodarte this year, the embellished cuticle is embellished just like our POTUS’s truths!
At a Christian Siriano show and at Opening Ceremony’s Pageant to the People runway show, models were spotted with all types of different graphic designs. Unfortunately for Trump, nobody was graphically naked and therefore, he could not “move” on any of them. Sad!
5. Taupes & Nudes
Not to be confused with nudes of Ivanka (which Trump is still asking for, so if you know where to find them, plz let him know), nude and taupes are a great way to blend in and not stand up for your rights. Two things Trump’s America would love for you to do right about now.