Your first job is like your first boyfriend in that you truly think he’s perfect, but then again, you have nothing to compare him to, so you may not even know you’re with a total loser until after you’ve broken up. When my college boyfriend of two years broke up with me, I reached a whole new level of devastated that I didn’t even realize was humanly possible. How could this person who wept in front of me when his grandmother died, surprised me in my hometown for my birthday, and paid for all of my Chipotle burritos (with every add-on you could think of) not want to be with me forever? Fast-forward like six months, and that time and distance made me realize both how wrong we were for each other and how much he f*cking sucked as a person. After him, I took note of all the things I did and didn’t want in my next boyfriend. It really was the year of realizing stuff. Just call me Kylie Jenner.
Leaving your first job should feel the same way. Even if you loved it, you should still walk away with a sense of what you want and don’t want in your next position. I, for instance, loved what I was doing at my first job so much that I didn’t even care about having to live in the trap house that was my apartment, which was the only place I could afford on my laughably small salary. I was an editor at a ~luxury~ magazine and it made me feel like Miranda motherf*ckin Priestly (minus all the power, money, and ability to own a home) because I got invited to every party, media dinner, and opening you can imagine. I also got free facials, clothes, trips, etc., so you can imagine that walking away from “the good life,” as Kanye says, may have been a little tough.
However, what ultimately made me want to leave was the fact that I didn’t see much opportunity to climb the editorial ladder and tbh I didn’t want to stay in the South forever. So after I left, I had the time and distance I needed to realize that my first job was f*cked up in more ways than one. Knowing that and knowing why helped me find my next job (also at a magazine), which I actually love. No matter what industry your first job out of college is in, these are the key takeaways you should walk away with after leaving.
1. Respect For The Product
I obviously don’t mean this literally since not all companies produce something, but it’s really important that you respect, understand, and appreciate what the company does. After I left my Job From Hell, I flipped through a few of the previous issues and noticed that we only covered sh*tty companies/people who paid an embarrassing amount of money for full-page ads. At the end of the day, I couldn’t really stand behind what I wrote.
Doing something you love is the most important thing because, let’s face it, we spend all of our time at our jobs and you may as well enjoy your many hours locked working in a giant freezer office doing something you give actually sh*t about.
2. How (Not) To Interact With Your Manager
If this is your first job, chances are you have a manager and, believe it or not, there are a few not-so-chill ways to interact with them! At my first job, my editor and I were pretty close in age and she happened to be really cool, so naturally we became friends. As fun as it was working with my friend, it was also pretty f*cking awkward when she had to reprimand me for doing something wrong. Like, are we still going out for drinks later or are we in a fight because you fully yelled at me just now?
Having a friendly rapport with your manager is great, but I’d be careful about being legit friends with them. It just confuses the hierarchy and can ultimately ruin your friendship, which in turn will make going to work suck. Keep a respectable distance between you two so that you can f*ck around a little at work, but it won’t be totally uncomfortable if and when sh*t hits the fan.
3. How To Stand Up For Yourself
When you’re in an entry level position, you may feel like you’re working for your grandparents because everyone is constantly reminding you that you’re young and don’t know how to do anything. As much as I didn’t want to be the annoying millennial who was offended by everything, in some instances, you can and should stand up for yourself.
The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad world in which we live, sexual harassment is generally the first thing that comes to mind when I hear the phrases “entry level employee” and “stand up for yourself,” and you definitely should. But there are plenty of low-level offenses we forget about and shouldn’t let slide. Like, when you’re working on a project and put 97% of your effort into it and then your sh*thead co-worker swoops in and spends a lousy five minutes doing the last 3% then turns the project in as if she did the whole damn thing. Nope!
Obviously, pick your battles wisely, but if something is going down that’s legitimately making you upset, don’t just bend over and take it. If you let these shenanigans go on for too long, you’re basically telling your coworkers that it’s totally cool if they f*ck with you forever. Is it? Is it cool?
4. Negotiating Is Allowed
I happened to be an intern at the company that ended up hiring me, so when my future editor pulled me into a conference room and offered me the position by writing my “salary” on a sticky note and asked if that’s okay with me, I should have said, “No, it’s not!” First of all, never accept a job on the spot; always take a few days to think about it and negotiate benefits and salary. The fact that the number was tragically low wasn’t even the problem; I just didn’t think to try to negotiate because I’m dumb I had no sense of what a competitive salary in that industry even was. Go on Glassdoor to read other employees’ reviews on the company and to see salaries to get an idea of whether or not you’re being lowballed.
Generally, companies welcome negotiations. That doesn’t always mean they will accept your final offer, but they will rarely just slap a number on the table and refuse to entertain any discussions. Don’t be afraid to whip out your flea market negotiating skills, people.
5. Have A Career Development Plan
Look, I think five-year-plans are stupid. Sorry, but not really. Life is too unpredictable for a multi-year plan. Here’s why: My five-year-plan involved staying in the South forever because #job, #friends, #boyfriend, but then my dad got cancer, so I moved to New York to be closer to home, and my five-year-plan imploded. Having a career development plan, however, is really smart. When you’re a college senior getting job offers, you’re usually so excited about getting paid that you don’t even think about what’s next because no more frat parties and pregamed dinners—sounds good enough for now! But knowing where you want to be professionally in the future can help you make better decisions in the future—especially because nothing looks sketchier on a resume than a slew of random jobs that have nothing to do with each other.
Instead of soul-searching for four months in your childhood bedroom because you just quit your first job and don’t know what you want to do now, start thinking about that when you begin feeling like you want to leave your current job.
At the end of the day, it’s easy to wish you had done things differently after you already did them wrong, so take this as an opportunity to learn so that every job you get after your first sh*tty one, is a good one.
Images: Giphy (5)
Well, fam, it’s time. The greatest show on earth is finally coming to a close. That’s right, Broad City is ending. I’m not crying, you’re crying! If you haven’t watched, just stop reading now because this article is going to be an epically long essay detailing every reason Broad City has truly changed me for the better, starting with the goddess co-creators and stars, Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer. This amazing pair started pure television gold. I mean, just take a look at the people who have guest-starred on the show for proof: Fred Armisen, Rachel Dratch, Amy Sedaris, Seth Rogen, Kelly Ripa, RuPaul, Patricia Clarkson, Whoopi Goldberg and, lest we forget, Hillary f*cking Rodham Clinton. There have also been about a million other notable guest stars, but I didn’t want to give myself carpal tunnel trying to list all of them.
It’s the kind of show you can LOL at alone. Do you know how funny something has to be to make me laugh out loud with no one else in the room? V f*cking funny. Over the course of five seasons, I learned a lot about myself, New York, relationships, and more from this show, so if you haven’t watched and need a couple hundred reasons to start, read on.
1. Living In New York
Like most shows, Broad City takes place in New York, but not the New York we know and hate from Sexy and the City, Gossip Girl, Friends (which was actually filmed in L.A.), Girls, Seinfeld and every other white-washed sitcom and drama wreaking havoc on our televisions since the ’90s. The gals of Broad City live in Astoria, Queens and Gowanus, Brooklyn. If you don’t live in or near New York, neither of these places are in Manhattan, which is revolutionary for a show about New York.
Something else Broad City def got right are Abbi and Ilana’s apartments, which are neither inexplicably huge nor decked out in beautiful decor. If you don’t know what I mean, let me explain. Carrie Bradshaw of Sex and the City is a writer for a weekly newspaper. She writes a column about like, sex buddies and funky-tasting spunk (deep stuff!). Ok, so how, on a writer’s salary, is she living in a gigantic one bedroom in the West f*cking Village? I can’t even afford to get dinner there, and she’s living in a sea of Manolos in a rent-controlled apartment! I’m calling bullsh*t on this. Unless a Presidential motorcade hit her and the government is sending her monthly disability checks of $2 million, Carrie’s townhouse makes no sense at all. The way Abbi and Ilana live, with roommates and in reasonably-sized apartments, is a pretty accurate representation of what living in New York is like when you’re neither dead broke nor rolling in cash. Thanks for giving me a realistic preview of what living in this godforsaken city is actually like, Comedy Central!
2. Dating
In so many shows, the female character is always galavanting around the city on the hunt for a boyfriend, which like, same, but there are some women in New York (and elsewhere) who don’t really subscribe to the idea of monogamous relationships and just want to explore other options, like casual dating with no expectations. Throughout Broad City, Abbi and Ilana have wildly different dating experiences, but they have one thing in common: they represent female sexuality in a totally bold way, and for that, I love this f*cking show. Neither of the ladies apologize for her sexual or romantic inclinations, whether it be Abbi’s obsession with Jeremy (#pegged) or Ilana’s refusal to uproot her life for a man, even if he is the most perfect specimen to grace the Earth, Lincoln. I love the dating scene on this show because it’s nothing if not completely realistic and representative of dating in New York as a twenty-something. Almost everything that happens to them has happened to me: I’ve had a crush on a neighbor, I’ve been broken up with by my FWB because he met someone, I assumed a guy and I were dating after a week, etc. They tackle these situations in such an accurate and hilarious way that it makes me approach these epic f*ck-ups in my own life with a sense of humor.
3. Female Friendships
I am a ride-or-die betch, so I have like, nine friends who I’d do literally anything some things for. Aside from all of the obvious things that define a friendship, Abbi and Ilana just really get each other, and refuse to let any disagreement or situation dictate otherwise. They will drop anything to help out the other and they support each other like it’s their job. It’s really a beautiful thing. Look, Gossip Girl is another favorite show of mine, but like, come ON with the pettiness and backstabbing, y’all! As women, we need to support each other in this f*cked-up Trumpville we call America. We need to make each other laugh and remind each other that we is kind, we is smart, and we is important because who else will? Mitch f*cking McConnell? I think not! Honestly, my favorite thing about this friendship is the way Ilana feels about Abbi’s butt, which is perfect and Ilana makes sure Abbi knows it, because what else do we have if not body positivity? If you can’t accept your body and face on your own, find a friend who will make you see yourself for the hot motherf*cking queen you are. We can’t all live like the Kardashians, who treat the traits they were born with like jumping-off points for plastic surgeons, so find a friend who will give you some body-positive confidence like Ilana does for Abbi.
4. Identity
These girls know who the f*ck they are, and I’m about it. Their characters evolve, of course, but they remain true to their nature throughout the course of the show, and that’s important to note. As a twenty-something in New York (how many times have I said that now?), I feel so much pressure to keep up with all of the cool new fashion lewks, workout spots, trendy restaurants, exclusive clubs, etc., but Abbi and Ilana don’t let that sh*t affect them. They just do what they want, like walk from the top to the bottom of Manhattan for Abbi’s 30th birthday. Watching that episode made me realize that I don’t really need to be doing all of these “cool” things (like spending $75 at dinner) because I feel like that’s what I should be doing, even though I’d rather order Domino’s while watching The Act with my roommate. The bottom line is that these women are proud to be who they are and want everyone else to follow in their footsteps, but in like, their own unique way, of course.
To conclude, Broad City is the funniest show ever and everyone needs to watch it. If you’ve seen it and ~it just isn’t your humor,~ please delete my number because we can’t be friends anymore. I hope Abbi and Ilana, who are real life BFFs, will make another show or podcast or SOMETHING together because the world is not ready to say goodbye to the most iconic duo of all time.
Images: Matthew Peyton / Comedy Central; Giphy (5)
