Someone wise once said, “It’s only a lie if you get caught,” and betches never get caught. But when the person you’re lying to is yourself, things get a little complicated. You can tell yourself over and over again that you’re not that into your casual hookup, and if you say it enough you might actually start to believe it—but all the self-delusion in the world won’t change the fact that you’re into him. If you say any of the following lies to yourself, you might be falling for your casual hookup. Look, we won’t tell on you, but we just thought you should know you’re not fooling anybody.
If more than, like, 4 of these scenarios apply to you, it’s time to take a long, hard look in the mirror. Our official prescription is a 20mg dose of reality, taken once a day or as often as needed for you to wake the fuck up. But uh, it’s your life. Do you.
1. I Don’t Even Want A Relationship Right Now.
Hey guess what? Nobody’s asking. You tell yourself this because you’re already thinking about the possibility of a relationship with him, and you have to stop yourself by pretending you don’t care.
2. I’m Dating Other People Too.
You say as you download Tinder and frantically swipe right on the first cute guy you see, hoping he’ll message you right away. There’s a difference between dating around and dating other people just to distract yourself from your actual crush.
3. I Don’t Even Think About Him When I’m Not Hanging Out With Him.
Except for when I’m checking his Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and Snapchat.
4. I Like That It’s So Chill.
Right, and how many times have you looked at your phone since you last texted him? That’s not chill.
5. We’re Totally On The Same Page.
Or at least you assume you are, but you haven’t actually talked about it. At least not out loud and in person. You’ve talked about it to him in your head multiple times, though.
6. I Haven’t Really Thought About A Relationship With Him.
As you shrug and shrug and shrug into your mirror of lies.
7. I Think Going On Dates Is Such A Waste Of Time; It’s So Much Better That We Can Just Cut The Bullshit Out.
Because eating nice meals and hanging out on major holidays is so overrated. Ugh. “But uh, I’ll leave my Valentine’s Day free just in case he asks,” you say.
8. If I Had Feelings For Him, I Would Just Tell Him.
I have no problem telling him how I feel, but I don’t feel anything. That’s why I’m not telling him how I feel. Which is nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nothing feels kind of like falling in love, but that’s probably just an illusion.
9. We’re Totally Honest With Each Other About What We Want.
He told me he doesn’t want anything serious, and I just want him to think I want what he wants. But seriously, whatever he wants, I’ll totally want that too. Like, if he wants a relationship, I could want that too.
10. It Would Be Fun To Take Him As A Date To My Friend’s Wedding, But Only Because He’d Be A Fun Date, Not Because I Like Him.
And definitely not because I want to see him in a suit or have him be around two people willing to commit to each other. I’m definitely not trying to plant any ideas in his mind.
11. I Could Stop Seeing Him Tomorrow And Be Totally Fine.
But I’m not going to. Because I’m totally fine. I swear.
12. The Sex Is Just Really Good.
Because of how much I like him. Everyone knows the best sex is sex with someone you’re in love with. So I’m only falling in love with him for the good sex.