Well friends, that was fast. Here I am, cruising into the weekend, throwing side-eye and a little garbage at everyone that dares walk near my desk when I stumbled upon the most devastating news. We have not one but TWO Bachelor Winter Games breakups to drink to this weekend. I’m so shocked that these relationships did not work out. No one could have ever seen this coming.
Behind door number one, we have ultimate fuckboy Dean Unglert and his baby blues officially ending things with Lesley Murphy and her over-compensating social media posts, and behind door number two we have Bridget Jones: Spinster and Lunatic Clare Crawley and her French-Canadian fiancé Benoit Beauséjour-Savard. Let’s breakdown these breakups together, shall we?
I’m gonna be honest and say let’s talk about Dean first because he’s the hottest, amiright? E! News exclusively announced that Dean and Lesley broke up after four months together, and mentioned that things have been rocky for a while now. Are we sure D.Lo didn’t just show up in a bikini or something? Let’s be real. We all know that Dean needed a little image rehab after two-timing a Russian orphan on Paradise, and Lesley fit the bill perfectly. She was smart, pretty, and called him out on his bullshit. Of course she wouldn’t last. It’s okay Lesley, you can do better than this guy:
Just FYI, my favorite dinosaur is the pterodactyl, Dean. Call me! (What? He’s so pretty).
Clare and Benoit also announced their breakup on her instagram account this morning.
First, what the fuck is this picture? I bet you a hundred buck those are not even Benoit’s feet. It’s a real hassle to get into America these days, especially just for a shitty breakup instagram post. Second, OF COURSE it didn’t work out. Clare wasn’t even into Benoit on Winter Games. If she can’t even fake it for the cameras, could she fake it in the bedroom? Doubtful. I also don’t understand why these Bachelor spin-off couples feel like they need to get engaged after meeting one time. A few sexts and one in-person meeting does not a relationship make. It’s like every time these people get on TV there is a Bachelor producer under an invisibility cloak with a gun to their head forcing them to propose. It’s the only explanation that makes sense. I guess we’ll be seeing Clare on a lot more spin-offs, but I think she should just be grateful she never has to change her last name to Beauséjour-Savard. That shit is hard to spell.
^Clare on Bachelor in Paradise season 95
One couple from The Bachelor Winter Games remains, and they are foreigners Courtney Dober and Lily McManus, a pairing literally no one cares about. Best of luck guys, may the odds be ever in your favor!
Images: Giphy (2); @clarecrawley / Instagram
The start of The Bachelor Winter Games cannot come soon enough. I need a new Bachelor show because this season has been v disappointing so far: Arie has dethroned Chris Soules as the dumbest most boring lead in franchise history, and I’m just kind of over Bekah’s pixie cut and fur coat combination. We get it, you’re a cool 22-year-old. So, as if I wasn’t already counting down the days, the news that fuckboy extraordinaire Dean Unglert has a new girlfriend from the show got me all excited. From daddy issues to Danielle L. issues, Dean is just fantastic at bringing the drama. And honestly, his journey from fuckboy in Mexico to boyfriend material in Vermont could prove to be an important lesson in dating rehabilitation. Maybe he learned something from his appropriately titled podcast, “Help! I Suck at Dating.”
But while I do want to know how/if he redeems himself, I mostly want to know who this Lesley girl is. Like, did she watch Paradise? Does she have no respect for Kristina? Is she a fuckboy charmer? Since I am a stalker impatient, I did some research to find out. And I’m going to go ahead and call it now: Lesley is way too good for Dean.
1. She Was On Sean Lowe’s Season Of The Bachelor
Lesley came in fifth place on Sean’s season and was sent home because she didn’t share all her feels on their second one-on-one date. She hasn’t appeared on any spin-off shows since then—so she obviously has (some) class, and she was a bridesmaid at Sean and Catherine’s wedding. Which is sweet, but also kind of weird.
2. She Used To Work In Politics
And she’s a Democrat. Thank god, we can still like her. She left her job as an executive assistant to a Democratic strategist in D.C. to appear on Sean’s season, and worked for the Obama campaign in 2008. She’s blonde, southern, and liberal. I honestly didn’t think those existed, at least not in Bachelor world.
3. She’s A Travel Blogger
This girl has my everyone’s literal dream job: getting paid to travel. At least now we know how to land that gig—be beautiful, be on reality TV, and be able to write. I can do one of those things (I hope, you tell me), so now I just need to get hotter and get on TV. According to her Instagram, she’s recently been to Sundance (with Dean), Bali, Sri Lanka, Greece, and I am fucking jealous.
4. She Raised Money For Puerto Rican Hurricane Relief
After traveling to Puerto Rico to promote relief efforts and tourism on the island, Lesley started a GoFundMe campaign to raise money to send dehydrated meals, water filters, and solar lights to Puerto Rico. Oh, I get it—she’s a saint. *Looks deeply into the mirror and asks, “what have you done lately?”*
5. She Recently Had A Double Mastectomy
Correction, saint and warrior. After testing positive for the BRCA2 gene, which can increase the likelihood of Breast Cancer by 50-85%, Lesley decided to undergo a preventative double mastectomy (à la Angelina Jolie). She’s since gotten breast implants and has been extremely open about her experience on her blog. Well fuck, she’s amazing.
To conclude: I don’t know how Dean could ever deserve this woman, but if anyone could turn him into a respectable man, it’s Lesley. I also hope he uses the same lines on Lesley as he did on Rachel, because I for one would really like to know her favorite dinosaur.
Catch up on this week’s Bachelor recap here!
I’ll say this once: If you don’t want to read spoilers, kindly close out of this article. Okay, now can I safely assume everybody here knows exactly what they’re getting themselves into? Great. Let’s continue. According to Perez Hilton, professional fuckboy Dean Unglert is dating Lesley Murphy from The Bachelor.
If you don’t remember because why would you, Lesley competed on Sean’s season of The Bachelor. She recently got a double mastectomy after testing for the BRCA 2 gene, so this woman is a badass. If there’s anyone who will force Dean to snap out of his fuckboyish ways, I’m betting it’s Lesley. Like, this woman cut off her own breasts—I’m sure she’d have no problem cutting Dean off if he even tried to pull some shady bullshit on her like he did with Danielle and Kristina.
Dean and Lesley are both appearing on The Bachelor Winter Games, which is likely how they met. Perez Hilton reports they were spotted holding hands at a Sundance Film Festival party on Friday. Perez also says that Dean and Lesley “weren’t supposed to be in public together yet.” If that’s true, then I would think they’re both about to get hit with a casual lawsuit, because as we’ve previously learned, The Bachelor does not play around when it comes to their contracts. I just like to think that somewhere, Chris Harrison is screaming into his phone, “They weren’t supposed to be in public together yet!!” and then slamming it into the receiver. (In my hypothetical scenario, Chris Harrison has a bright red landline phone.)
E! News reports that Dean is “really happy” with Lesley, and he even said their relationship is exclusive. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be checking out Kristina’s Instagram to see if she’s posted any selfies with inspirational quotes lately. I’m betting I’ll find no less than three.
Did you know we have a podcast where we just talk shit about The Bachelor? Listen to The Betchelor here!
