Welcome to Leo season, bitches. We seem to be out of the moodiness that was Cancer season, so it’s time to embrace the lion and live our best f*cking lives … that we can … in quarantine … without seeing other people. I mean, on the bright side, sunglasses and masks make it socially acceptable to not wear makeup or do our hair in public, so getting ready to leave the house takes way less time than it used to! Talk about silver linings, amirite?

Let’s dive in.

Leo

Examine your finances on Friday night, Leo. The moon in Libra on Saturday and Sunday is pushing for short drives into the mountains, communicating with your fav people, and relaxing. Combine all that sh*t and give yourself a much needed break this weekend. Refuse to check your work email, too. Then have a panic attack on Monday.

Virgo

Treat yo’self, Virgo. The moon is highlighting material affairs, which means you can focus on important sh*t, like sales on Madewell dresses and end-of-season specials at Anthropologie. Just be careful about overspending, since the stars are showing that doing so could majorly f*ck up your week.

Libra

Pay attention to your dreams this weekend, Libra. They could bring to light some important things going on and make clear how to get that sh*t out of your head and into reality. Saturday and Sunday you’ll be feeling sexy af, so take advantage of that fact and make your S.O. do something nice for you.

Scorpio

The planets are highlighting communication and social engagements this weekend, Scorpio, so get ready for some riveting convos either in person or via FaceTime on Saturday. Use Sunday to sleep in, be lazy, and give yourself a f*cking break. Summer in quarantine is exhausting.

Sagittarius

Look at your f*cking budget this weekend, Sagittarius. It’ll help to understand what you can and can’t (or shouldn’t) spend come Saturday, since you’ll be dying to see your people. If you do plan to head out, make sure you sit outside, don a mask, and try not to be an asshole to the wait staff at whatever restaurant you grace with your presence. Better idea: Get takeout brunch and sit in a field away from other people.

Capricorn

You’re going to feel f*cking unstoppable this weekend, Capricorn. Lean into it and give your nest a thorough cleaning on Friday night, meal plan for the weekend, and get to bed early. Attack Saturday with morning yoga, a walk outside, checking like, three work emails, then enjoying the weather. Sunday you can take it easy with takeout, sweats, and patting yourself on the back for being so amazing.

Aquarius

Adventure and sex are the highlights for your weekend, Aquarius. Go on a camping trip with your partner so you can appropriately social distance while getting closer to one another. If getting out of town isn’t exactly in your plans, blow up a kiddie pool and drink beer in it with your S.O. Nothing says “I love you” like warm booze and day drinking.

Pisces

Get closer to your partner on Friday, Pisces. The moon in Virgo will highlight relationships and the need to deepen your commitment, so do something like not picking a fight or trying to pay attention when your beau is telling you about his day. Come Saturday and Sunday, the planets will be pushing intimacy, so it’s a great time to try a new sex position or attempt cuddling without complaining you’re too hot/he’s leaning on your hair/his breathing is annoying.

Aries

Even though it’s Friday, the stars are like “work, bitch.” Don’t be afraid to put in a few extra hours even after it’s time to gtfo of the virtual office. It could pay off later. Saturday and Sunday are all about you and your partner (or your hunt for one). Turn up the romance by changing out of your sweatpants and walking around downtown this weekend (while wearing masks, and being a responsible human being) while drinking wine out of water bottles. Then, go home and do something other than missionary.

Taurus

The moon in Virgo means you’ll be feeling creative on Friday, so tackle that adult coloring book you bought at the beginning of quarantine but never cracked open. Come Saturday and Sunday, the planets will want you to focus on work, which is honestly really rude. Ignore that sh*t and shop online for something you don’t need (or more face masks). You’re just doing your part to help the economy.

Gemini

It’s all about family and home on Friday, so do something like laundry or calling your mom—maybe both to make yourself feel accomplished. Saturday and Sunday are all about sex, romance, and things that would not go with calling your mom. In fact, the opposite of calling your mom. Don’t even think about your mom. Get into some freaky sh*t with your partner, or take the plunge and order that interesting vibrator you’ve been eyeing.

Cancer

Learn some sh*t on Friday, Cancer, ’cause the moon wants you to be a better communicator. Then, apply your skills on Saturday and Sunday when the universe wants you to stay home, read books, and spend quality quiet time with a loved one.

Images: Giphy (12)

Because I have no faith in committing to bettering myself for an entire year, New Year’s resolutions aren’t really my thing, but for those of you who vowed to improve your lives by like, going to the gym and ~traveling,~ you’re probably excited for the first official weekend of 2020. This horoscope is for you guys. If you need some guidance on how to start the new decade, look no further. According to yearly-horoscope.com, “2020 will be a year when all the zodiac signs will be able to take advantage of a new beginning, both in their personal life and financially.” Lol, could this be a little less specific? Can’t wait for what’s to come!

Aries

Aries likes to be number one at everything they do, so you guys are def fans of making New Year’s resolutions, because doing so just gives you an opportunity to meet a goal. Overachievers like you may be annoying as hell to those around you, but you don’t give a f*ck because you’re here to win. This weekend, you’ll spend your days making spreadsheets of your five-year plan and spend your nights telling people about them. You’ll want to get your life on track this weekend so you know what to expect for the year ahead, but don’t spend too much time on this because, if our government has taught us anything, it’s that all plans fall apart rather quickly. Use this opportunity to be a little more adventurous, ya know? Explore a new neighborhood at the very least.

Taurus

From both the internet and my Taurus friends, I’ve learned that Tauruses “enjoy relaxing in serene, bucolic environments surrounded by soft sounds, soothing aromas, and succulent flavors.” Wow, deep. Anyway, even though Tauruses are described like literal babies, they’re nothing if not down for whatever, so take a seat and let your friends do the planning this weekend. Expensive dinner? Sure. Stay in with a bottle of Pinot? Sounds delicious. Go out until 5am? Fine, whatever. Take this time to mute your group chat until someone puts forth a time and place, then just meet everyone there. You do you, Taurus.

Gemini

Geminis are impulsive, nosy, and intelligent creatures who like to know everything about what everyone’s doing. You check everyone’s Instagram stories not because you love them, but rather, because you want to know where everyone is so you can make an educated decision on where you’ll be posted up. Geminis can’t be tied down, so maybe don’t meet up with the guy who spent your whole first date telling you how much you’d love his parents. Stick with Mr. Right Now this weekend, because starting a new decade in a will-we-won’t-we war just doesn’t sound like your cup of tea.

Cancer

Anyone under this sign may claim to be psychic, because Cancers are famous for being able to pick up on various energies. OMG, it’s like they have a fifth sense! I mean, picking up on energies is a fancy way of saying you can read a room, so congratulations on not completely lacking empathy. You’ve been going hard all damn year, so take this weekend to chill with friends. Nothing crazy or expensive. Maybe invite your friends over for a potluck dinner where all you have to provide is the table and your friends bring everything else. 

Leo

Leos are known for being theatrical, and they think of themselves as kings and queens. Honestly, I was born into the wrong sign, I think. Anyway, Leos are happy to be the loudest in the room and love to have all eyes on them. If you’re a Leo, this weekend take your quieter, more subdued friends out on the town where you can drink and dance until you can’t no more. This is your time to start the new year with a f*cking bang, so throw on a blue wig and go to an underground salsa club, or slip into your finest and end up at a 5-star hotel bar, the night is yours to own. 

Virgo

I am a Virgo and I proudly fit into the little box presented to me: Virgos have a deep-rooted presence in the material world. Yeah, sounds about right. Obviously, there are a lot of more down-to-earth qualities Virgos possess, but none that relate to this weekend specifically. Go shopping this weekend. You just got paid, so spend that hard-earned cheddar on that pair of boots you’ve wanted since last summer, then take them for a little walk around your favorite bar. If you’re really feeling yourself then be bold and invite the guy you’ve been seeing for a little while. It’s time for him to finally meet your friends already. 

Libra

It is my personal belief that all Libras change their names to something like Juliana and become yoga instructors, because Libras are obsessed with balance and harmony. Right on, I guess? So start the year on a good note and find your center. Whether that means hot yoga, vegan pizza, and an early night, or a romantic dinner date with your SO, do you. You won’t be persuaded to join your friends for an all-night banger, so maybe just put your phone on do not disturb until the weekend is up. That seems like something Libras would do anyway. 

Scorpio

Scorpios are as passionate as they are emotional, so maybe do yourself a favor and take it easy this weekend. By going out, you’re just setting yourself up to get in a fight with your boyfriend and regret the whole thing the next day. Instead of going out, keep it casual and invite everyone over for wine and cheese. I mean, everyone likes wine and cheese, right? What could go wrong?

Sagittarius

You guys don’t do anything unless you’ll learn something from it. You’d make my dad so proud! You’re pretty much up for anything, so if the crew wants to go out, join them! When you drunkenly text your ex 87 times, you’ll learn a valuable lesson that will keep you on an upward trajectory. You generally don’t regret anything (like, anything) because you’re always on an educational path that is leading you in the right direction. So if you want to crush the last of the bottle, do it!

Capricorn

Capricorn is represented by the sea goat, a mythological creature with the body of a goat and tail of a fish. Wow, swipe right! The significance of the sexy dual-creature situation is that Capricorns are good at navigating physical and emotional realms, which makes you an ideal friend in situations like “What should we do tonight?” You’re the decision-maker and your friends are grateful for you. This weekend, see how you feel before setting the plan in motion. If you want to go out, do it. If you’d rather stay in, your peeps are down. The weekend is your oyster. 

Aquarius

You guys are assertive and independent, so if your friends are all tired from their NYE parties, but you want to go out, you’ll do it. Grab a small group of your friends and head to your favorite bar to see where the night takes you. It may even take you to uncharted territory, but since you’re such an explorer, you’re okay with that. Maybe you’ll even meet someone who strikes your fancy along the way. Sold!

Pisces

Generally, Pisces have a little trouble distinguishing between reality and fantasy, but you don’t really care. Managing expectations is not something at which you’re particularly skilled, but if fantasizing that the sh*tty college bar your friends dragged you to will end with your long-time boyfriend finally proposing, more power to you. You see the best in everything, so you tend to be happy to do whatever the crew wants to do. Just go with the flow and wear something cute, because you never know what’s going to happen! 

Images: Giphy (12)

There’s nothing more exhilarating than planning a summer getaway. That is, unless you’re a nomadic Sagittarius or Sagittarius rising who literally spends their entire life looking for reasons to travel, so planning a trip is just another day in the life. Otherwise, looking for the ideal summer destination with the most Instagrammable photo opps is always a thrilling experience. But choosing where to go is the hardest part (aside from actually paying for it, of course). And with summer almost over—I’m not crying, you’re crying—it’s safe to say we all need a getaway, and quick! Here’s where you should go on summer vacation, based on your zodiac sign.

Aries: Asheville, North Carolina

I know what you’re thinking, Aries. “WTF am I going to do in North Carolina, let alone North Carolina in the summertime?” Here’s the deal, firecracker betch: With the sun traveling through your domestic fourth house of home and family during Cancer season, and your fifth house of romance during Leo season, your soul needs one thing and one thing only this summer: a cozy vibe. Asheville, with its vibrant arts scene and amazing food, is just that.

Taurus: A Caribbean Cruise

All aboard, betch. I know you only travel first class, but with the sun blazing through your mobile third house of transportation during Cancer season, and cozy fourth house of home during Leo season, I believe your ideal summer vacay consists of lavish comfort, (obvi) and more than one destination. This is precisely why I suggest a paradise adventure through the Caribbean seas as your best bet.

Gemini: The Bahamas

You’re feeing bougie this season, betch. You’re typically not very picky when you’re traveling, but seasons change, and obviously so does your mind. With the sun igniting your comfort-seeking second house of luxury during Cancer season, and your mobile third house of rulership during Leo season, you’re in need of something totally luxe, as long as there’s plenty of variety, of course. So my suggestion is, book yourself a snazzy suite at your fave Bahamian all-inclusive resort. The champagne will be chilled.

Cancer: Rome, Italy

When in Rome. This is your birthday season after all, right? Celebrating all month long is a must, especially since your birthday just so happened to coincide with this crazy eclipse season. Hang on to that excuse while you can. Plus, with the sun blazing through your indulgent second house of money towards the end of the summer, you’ll likely be in the mood to shop ’til you drop. Although, let’s be honest, when are you not? Splurging is your favorite pastime, and Italy will look so good on you.

Leo: The Grand Canyon

Happy Birthday, Leo. Where are you off to next? OK, so maybe summer did kick off on a weird note, but hey, at least you made it this far, right? So here’s my idea, Leo. Since the sun was traveling through your secretive 12th house of all things behind the scenes during Cancer season, and first house of “Look at me!” during your birthday season, I suggest the Grand Canyon. Why? Well, this is a perfect opportunity for reflecting and sight-seeing, and if you wake up in the mood to party, Las Vegas isn’t too far away.

Virgo: Rural Ireland

You’re feeling some type of way this season. Before you decide to take off with a group of friends for the summertime, make sure you keep your options open. With the sun igniting your 11th house of groups during Cancer season, and your secretive 12th house during Leo season, I suggest somewhere that’s both quaint and quiet… like the Irish countryside, for instance. Granted, this might very well cost you a pretty penny, but you know, that I know, that you know all the pictures will be worth it.

Libra: Curacao

You’re on top of the world, Libra. Although, I’m not going to lie to you, the sun is totally igniting your career-driven tenth house during Cancer season, so some of you might shift all of your energy towards your career this summer, but it’s time you stop overworking yourself and take a vacation. Curacao’s sizzling Caribbean nightlife is colorful, lively, and just the right amount of distraction you need to get over your toxic ex-boyfriend. Get the f*ck out of here, Libra. Your summer bae awaits!

Scorpio: Amsterdam

Admit it, betch: Amsterdam is on your bucket list, so it wouldn’t surprise me if you’ve already been there, but summer 2019 is enough reason to pay the Red Light District another visit, right Scorpio? With the sun wandering through foreign ninth house of travel during Cancer season and dominant tenth house of leadership during Leo season, you’re likely feeling large and in charge this summer. So what are you waiting for?

Sagittarius: Catalina Island

Sail away, Sagittarius. I sound like a broken record, but this eclipse season really got us, didn’t it? Anyway, with the sun shedding light on your auspicious eighth house of intimacy during Cancer season and expansive ninth house of long-distance journeys during Leo season, this summer will be nothing short of enlightening. So whether you’re in the mood to take a literal hike or go snorkeling on the beach, this quaint coastal town has your name on it.

Capricorn: Paris, France

Bon voyage! This summer will be nothing short of irresistibly steamy, so make sure to take advantage of this time and head to the most romantic city in the world. With the sun hovering over your committed seventh house of partnerships all throughout Cancer season and your sexy eighth house during Leo season, you’ll be in the mood for a romantic evening beneath the Eiffel Tower, or perhaps a night aboard Batofar. Oui, oui, betch. ‘Tis the season.

Aquarius: Miami, Florida

Your mind is at 100 mph this summer, Aquarius. Take a breather. With the sun igniting your orderly sixth house of due diligence during Cancer season and committed seventh house of partnerships during Leo season, you’ll be in the mood for the perfect getaway. Alexa, play “Miami” by Will Smith. There’s no denying this culturally rich hotspot is everything you need this season, so pack your bags. Don’t worry, betch. It’s Miami… you don’t need to pack that many clothes.

Pisces: Mykonos Island, Greece

This is how you throw a party in Mykonos, betch. No, really… wouldn’t that be the best Instagram caption ever? OK, now I sound like an obnoxious influencer. Nevertheless, with the sun beaming through your expressive fifth house of romance during Cancer season and detail-loving sixth house of order during Leo season, Greece is the perfect itinerary-friendly getaway, so get ready to party.

Images: Leighton Smith, John Jackson, Jad Limcaco, Javier M, Anthony Delanoix, Ryan Spencer, Russ Widger / Unsplash; Shutterstock

Not gonna lie, the stars are trying to f*ck us over this week. The Sun has squared Uranus and it’s turning everyone into assh*les. (Assh*les…Uranus…Get it??) Time to load up de-stress meditations from the mindfulness app of your choice because this week you’re going to need it. At least Mercury goes out of retrograde on Wednesday. TG for small miracles.

Aries

Maybe you don’t need to keep it quite so 100 this week, Aries. Not saying you shouldn’t speak your mind, but there’s a value to shutting the f*ck up every once in a while, and the stars are aligned for you to put your foot in your mouth if you’re not careful. Maybe try running any angry texts by your one nice friend for he next week or so?

Taurus

People are testing you this week, Taurus, but don’t lose your cool. Before losing your sh*t on a coworker for another meeting that could have been an email, take a breath and think, “do I really need to go apesh*t right now?” If the answer is no, take a moment to scream in the bathroom, then return to work. If the answer is yes, then go awffff queen. You earned it!

Gemini

Typically nothing phases you, Gemini, but not this week. The time for keeping sh*t to yourself is over and it’s finally time to let  know how you feel, in the nicest way possible of course. Save the passive-aggressive emails for another day and address any issues you have head-on. Not only will you get what’s bothering you off your chest, but you’ll also get to look mature in the process. Win-win.

Cancer

Red alert! There’s friend drama ahead! Turbulence in your friend group might cause some significant anxiety over the next few days. It’s unfortunate, but at least you know it’s coming. Whatever happens, just remember pre-school rules still apply: use your words, and always maintain your inside voice.

Leo

You’re one of the only signs actually having a good week this week, Leo, so congrats. Probably that birthday month energy. The Sun in your sign has you feeling particularly in need of some adventure and freedom, meaning a little solo journey could be just what you need. As an added bonus, you’ll avoid bad vibes from other signs, who are totally going through it right now. So sad for them.

Virgo

This is it. This is the week where you finally tell that one person who has been annoying the living sh*t out of you that they’ve been annoying the living sh*t out of you. We all knew it would happen eventually. Say what you have to say, but just remember swearing is generally frowned upon on the workplace.

Libra

You’re a ticking time bomb right now, Libra, so get ready to explode. You don’t know on whom, and you don’t know when, but it is going to happen. You can minimize the chance that you’ll go crazy on a loved one by being kind of a hermit this week. Watching Netflix alone is a great way to avoid having too many brunch margs and telling Megan she can’t keep posting pics from her wedding two years ago. You can rejoin society next week when you’re not so volatile.

Scorpio

You’re throwing yourself into your work in a bad way, Scorpio, and it’s starting to show. Remember your friends? Remember your family? When was the last time you talked to your mom? Take a little time this week to reinstate some balance into your work-life balance before you end up like the sad lady at the beginning of a rom-com with a corner office but no one to share it with. A tragedy!

Sagittarius

This week you’re like Beyoncé in 2002: about to break out on your own. It’s time for your very own solo career, whatever that means to you. You might be surprised to find that you enjoy your own company wayyy more than you enjoy 99.9% of other humans. Just make sure you don’t love hanging out with yourself so much you neglect the .01% of people you do actually like.

Capricorn

You’re not one to dive into an activity without a detailed itinerary (remind me to hit you up about planning my bachelorette), but this week you might find yourself needing a little spontaneity. Not saying you have to get in your car and “just drive,” but maybe this week you don’t have to have every moment of every day meticulously planned. Leave some time in your day for some unplanned fun. At the very least, you could end up at some very fun happy hours.

Aquarius

You’re in for some drama in one of your closest relationships this week, Aquarius, so don’t be surprised if you have some novel-length texts in your future. No matter what the drama brings, or who it is with, try to keep in mind that at the end of the day you do really love this person.

Pisces

Tell us how you really feel, Pisces. Woah okay, not that much. You’re on edge this week (Mercury retrograde will do that to ya) but that doesn’t mean you have to take the filter completely off. The filter is there for a reason, and that reason is not getting fired. As an added bonus, you’ve been burning the candle at both ends and that stress is finally catching up with you. Exhaustion due to overwork + general irritability due to Uranus’ placement in the cosmos? Uh yeah, I’d just go ahead and call out sick right now.

Images: Giphy (12)

Alexa, play “Summer” by Calvin Harris! 

Falling in love in the summertime is inevitable, betch. Whether you suddenly find yourself crushing on a sexy coworker at happy hour, or you decide to take off on a summer getaway where you can unapologetically pull a Vicky Cristina Barcelona, rest assured, the heat is totally on. This, of course, could seem somewhat contradictory, from an astrological standpoint, considering the summer solstice is also the first day of Cancer season. (No offense, Cancer… but you know your astrological season tends to be a bit on the crybaby side…) But in the end, it’s those same overwhelming feels that flood our emotional psyche every year around the same time. Although, if you think Cancer season feels emotionally over-the-top, I suggest you mentally prepare yourself for Leo’s flamboyant theatrics. I truly can’t emphasize it enough, the summer is a panty-dropper season, and if you still don’t believe me, just wait until you get a glimpse of Leo season, because it’s going to be a cinematic experience.

Maybe I’m being cliche here, but the summertime feels like one big supercut from the 1978 romantic comedy Grease. Here’s how I see it: The first half, Cancer season, is a combination of the opening makeout scene on the beach, with a clip of Olivia Newton John’s “hopelessly devoted to you.” It’s sweet, it’s nostalgic, and let’s face it, it’s beyond sappy. Leo season, on the other hand, feels emotionally similar, but has a totally different vibe. This is everything from Danny Zuko’s melodrama in the midst of being stranded at the Drive-In, along with Sandy’s epic, “Tell me about it, stud,” before she and Danny fly away in a Ford De Luxe convertible, that’s been “Greased Lightning.” What can I say? Life imitates art. Real talk, though, who doesn’t fantasize about the ultimate summer fling? If you think I’m exaggerating, then why is it that musicians specifically wait until the summer to gift us with some of the most memorable hits of all time? #JustSaying

Looking for love this summer? See the type of guy you should have a summer fling, according to your zodiac sign below:

Aries

Admit it, betch. You love a man who takes action. You don’t like wasting time, and you get bored easily, too. So someone who’s just as hot-headed, passionate, and thrill-seeking would be your ideal scenario this summer. A hottie in the streets, and a savage in the sheets? Yes, please. Oh, and a little adrenaline-filled argument sesh every now and then doesn’t hurt—provided the makeup after is equally steamy.

Taurus

You want the royal treatment, Taurus. Aside from the fact that you’re one possessive betch, you want a man that will wine, dine, and devour you. Nothing more and nothing less. Just make sure to let him know you’re looking for more than just a summer fling.

Gemini

No strings attached, right? Don’t get me wrong, Gemini. It’s not that you’re against committed relationships or anything like that. On the contrary, you’re very much committed to flirting your little heart out, which is why your ultimate summer romance consists of something light, sexy, and mentally stimulating.

Cancer

Cry me a river, betch. You more than likely have that summertime sadness thing going, like fellow Cancer songstress Lana Del Rey. That is, if you’re not driving yourself mad dreading the thought of your fairytale coming to an end, sooner or later, of course. You don’t do flings, Cancer. You want it all or nothing at all, so don’t bother trying to make yourself believe otherwise.

Leo

You want someone who straight-up worships you, betch. You’re playful, outgoing, and passionate AF… but you’re also incredibly attention-seeking, too. So your ideal summer fling would have to be someone you can bring around your loved ones during the day, and can have all to yourself at night. As long as it’s all about you, right?

Virgo

You’re one picky betch, Virgo. You’re not as traditional as Capricorn, but you still have a type, and you’re not about to settle for anything less, either. You appreciate the courting, but you’re a sucker for the details. So he better pay close attention to you and go the extra mile. Oh, and it gets hot in the summer, too, so his hygiene better be up to par, or else it’s a no-go.

Libra

Your charm is your money-maker, Libra. Dating isn’t the issue, it’s finding your perfect match that seems to be the challenge. Unfortunately, your indecision doesn’t help either, but finding someone you can ultimately kick back with, and have good conversation with this summer will certainly do. Good looks are also a must-have, but that’s only because you’re spoiled.

Scorpio

Sexual chemistry is always a priority for you. Then again, you’re an extremist, so you’re either in it to win it, or completely uninterested. There’s really no in-between for you, Scorpio. It doesn’t matter whether you meet him in the summer or the fall, the moment you set your eyes on someone, it’s only a matter of time before you make them your sex slave for all eternity.

Sagittarius

Lust and wanderlust are two completely different emotions, Sagittarius. But we all know wanderlust wins by a long shot. All I’m saying is, your ultimate summer fling most likely has TSA pre-check. That’s all. You love the outdoors, and you’re always looking for a reason to travel. So perhaps a fellow sunset chaser and eternal wanderer will do the trick. YOLO.

Capricorn

The more successful, the better—right, Capricorn? I’m not saying you’re a gold digger, but you have to admit the facts. You appreciate a hardworking man, especially those with that C-Suite swag. You’re bound to fall for the hottie working overtime this summer. You love putting in the work, and you expect the same from the people you invest in. Time is money.

Aquarius

Relax, betch. No one said anything about making your relationship official. On the contrary, summer flings are a seasonal thing, so you have nothing to worry about. In fact, who said you can’t have more than one summer romance? I know you’re all about that free love, so don’t be afraid to do exactly that. Just make sure you don’t play any of your sinister mind games in the process.

Pisces

You’re a sultry siren, Pisces. This, of course, is especially true in the summer, as you’re one of the few who thrive during Cancer season. You are a fellow water sign, too, you know. And let’s face it, you’re a hopeless romantic, so you’re not very picky when it comes to choosing the ultimate summer love story. In fact, the more dreamy, emotional, and out-of-this-world, the more you’ll likely fall head over heels. What can I say? You’re unpredictably predictable.

Images: Joyce Marie Cantrell / Unsplash; Giphy (12)

To forgive your ex, or to forget your ex, that is the question. No offense to the soap opera-like water sign family, aka Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces, but I highly doubt forgiving is even an option for you guys. I mean, correct me if I’m wrong here, but y’all are the most vengeful betches in the zodiac, and trust me, I know this for a fact. Why? Well, let’s just say, I, too, am a fellow water sign, permanently lost at sea in my ocean of emotions. OK so maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but I wouldn’t be a water sign if I wasn’t. Needless to say, we’re not very good at forgiving, let alone forgetting. BTW, please don’t be one of those people who live their life preaching the whole, “I forgive but I never forget” crap. News flash: If you don’t forget, you don’t forgive. Period. And let’s be honest, a water sign probably said that, too. But let’s cut to the chase before we go down the rabbit hole. 

Everyone treats their exes differently. For instance, the air signs, AKA Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius, were born with a PhD in emotional detachment, and a minor in IDGAF, so even if their exes were to do them dirty, it’s not like they would even sweat the damn thing. At least not to their face, of course. Also, not to bring it back to the water sign drama, but there are some Libras with Scorpio placements out there, and well… that’s a completely different bad trip. Their idea of forgiveness consists of mental terrorism, and the silent treatment, but again, we’ll save this celestial coma for another occasion. Earth signs, aka Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn, have no problem whatsoever cutting the cord, and it’s because they get straight to the point. Zero f*cks given. So much so, their no-filter shpeal could very well break someone’s heart, especially if they’re a water sign. But what would I know, right?

Long story short, here’s how you treat your ex, according to your zodiac sign:

Aries

Have you watched Dead To Me on Netflix, Aries? No, you do not remind me of Christina Applegate’s character, nor Linda Cardellini’s. TBH, the title of the series speaks for itself, and more importantly, it speaks for you when it comes to your exes. Your ex will likely never hear from you again, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. They really are dead to you.

Taurus

You’re pretty black-and-white, Taurus. But you’re also a sexaholic, and if sex with your ex is a must-have, you’ll make sure to do whatever it takes to keep them around. Some of you might even stay friends on purpose, so you can bribe them with the act whenever necessary. Otherwise, you’ll make sure to stay close to their family members in the meantime. Why are you such a possessive betch?

Gemini

Does your ex even know you’ve exed them out of your life, Gemini? OK, who are we kidding? You have the attention span of a goldfish, and the last thing on your mind is commitment. You can’t commit to relationships, and you can’t commit to not being in one either, which means you’re DTF for the most part. That is, if you’re not onto your next victim, of course. Otherwise, you’ll make sure to mind-f*ck them for as long as you live.

Cancer

I know you told him you’d never let go, but do yourself a favor, Cancer. Seriously, IDK whether to call you out, or send help. Don’t get twisted, betch. You are never ever getting back together, so enough with the #TBT soundtracks, toxic memorabilia, and meaningless “hey, how’s life?” texts. Stalking their Instagram and crying yourself to sleep is so 2012. You’ve got to move on!

Leo

Too busy reminding your exes what’s no longer theirs, Leo? TBH, not staying friends isn’t the issue, nor is it the brutal “I’ve-moved-on” vengeance that typically takes place after every breakup. The issue here is your pride, and whether or not they dumped you. If you got dumped, you’ll make sure to never look their way again. Now, if you dumped them, you’ll likely remain friends, and make sure they never get over you.

Virgo

Ruthless much, Virgo? I mean, I know they’re your ex and all, but you really know how to cut people off for good. Needless to say, there’s really nothing to the relationship you have with your exes. It’s simple: You don’t have a relationship. Also, dwelling the past is not your forte, and you’re too busy living your life anyhow.

Libra

Let me guess, Libra. You’re best friends? TBH, that wouldn’t surprise me, unless there’s drama involved, and well, we all know you don’t do well with any sort of conflict. This is precisely why you’re still canoodling with your exes and avoiding the very large elephant in the room, despite the discomfort it already brings. Then again, you don’t fool me, and you betches always have a backup plan of sorts. And you make it happen with all smiles, too.

Scorpio

F*ck, marry, kill, Scorpio? I mean, I know that’s a silly game and all, but it sort of reminds me of your love life. OK, fine. I’m kidding… or not. Let’s face it, betch: You’re like Catherine Tramell from Basic Instinct. If you’re not dating them, you’re f*cking them, and if you’re not f*cking them, they’re probably locked in a dungeon somewhere, wrapped up in chains. You’re a soul stealer.

Sagittarius

Friends with benefits, Sag? Admit it, betch: You’re friends with every single one of your exes, and you’re totally OK with it, too. You genuinely care for them, and since you totally despised being in a committed relationship with them, you secretly guilt-trip yourself into staying friends, as part of your delusional two-for-one package. What they don’t know is, you’re already hooking up with a sexy foreigner you met during spring break.

Capricorn

I see you, Capricorn. Whoever said Scorpio was the most vengeful sign clearly never experienced the wrath of the mad goat. Where do I begin? You’re into BDSM, but if you get dumped, or decide to break up with someone, you get into Mommy and Daddy mode, and not in a kinky way. IDK how else to put it, but you will literally build an invisible torture chamber, where your exes continuously run into scenarios that remind them how they wronged you. Granted, this sounds like a ballistic obstacle course, but you’ll do anything to set the record straight.

Aquarius

Your poor ex, Aquarius. TBH, I think you acknowledge them more now, then when you were in a relationship. Admit it: You’re worse than your air sign sibling Gemini with the wicked games, and you somehow never give yourself away in the process. Don’t be so cold, betch. Some people have feelings, you know.

Pisces

Boundaries, Pisces. All right, let’s focus. You do realize what your ex did to you, right? Your love life sounds like an episode of Days Of Our Lives, except you wrote the entire script, and now you’re sick of watching, and yet have no idea how to get off this nauseating roller coaster ride. It’s simple. Get over them, and go out with someone else. Stop torturing yourself, betch.

Giphy (12)

No more mental tennis, betches! Audacious Mars, planet of assertion, sex, and the cosmos’ most infamous bachelor, just finished parting ways with the mischievous sign of the twins, where he used his brilliant mind, clever quips, and intellectual agility to get it in. The warrior planet is known for its aggression and impulsiveness, ergo, our passions were expressed via sizzling mind games and red-hot banter. Mental stimulation was our jam during this savvy transit, but all things come to an end. Remember, whichever zodiac sign Mars touches ultimately determines the way we assert ourselves, physically and sexually. This celestial entity is hot-headed and animalistic, so you can already guess what happens when it camps through a hypersensitive water sign like Cancer. Dramarama? Most definitely. But it’s deeper than that, actually. Despite its reputation for being overly emotional, and a tad bit on the needy side, Cancer is a symbol of nurture, as well as our inner world.

Here’s where it can get a little tricky: The archetype of Mars is considered “masculine,” as it determines how we fight, and what we fight for; hence it’s Aries’ planetary ruler and Scorpio’s co-ruler. (Aries and Scorpio didn’t learn how to go to battle on their own, trust me.) Mars epitomizes the astrological element fire, as opposed to Cancer, who can easily cry a whole river. Get the picture? The only thing these two energies have in common is that they’re both cardinal, which means they thrive when taking the initiative. Sexually, this transit can be pretty intimate, and I’ll tell you why. In Cancer, Mars prefers to take action behind closed doors, where it feels secure, emotionally and physically. Also, vulnerability and transparency are a must-have during this time, so don’t even bother playing the cool girl card. Mars in Cancer expresses itself via cuddles, emotional bonding, and the crab’s personal favorite…cooking homemade meals!

Are you ready to take your sex life to the next level, betch? Here’s what Mars in Cancer means for your zodiac sign, featuring fellow Cancer Selena Gomez.

Aries

Don’t even think about having sex with your ex, betch! With aggressive Mars attempting to swim through your domestic fourth house of home, family, and memorabilia, you’ll likely be feeling a bit more introverted than usual during this time. Cancer just so happens to govern this area of your chart, and with your rambunctious planetary ruler Mars in the mix, let’s just say, you’ll be in your feels. Nostalgia is inevitable, so make sure to not fall for your toxic ex-hookup’s thirst trap.

Taurus

Use your words, Taurus. Mars is heating up your expressive third house of communication, siblings, and immediate network, and while you might seem a bit on edge, you’re also craving deeply emotional convos and exchanges. This area of your chart also rules your social media sector, so feel free to post that sultry selfie, especially those of you waiting for that special someone to slide into your DMs. Whatever you do, make sure you follow your intuition in the process.

Gemini

Indulge in the pleasures of life, betch. With sizzling Mars glamping through your comfort-seeking second house of finances, spending habits, and values, you’re looking for something (or someone) to emotionally invest in. This, of course, could always turn out to be a lavish spa membership, or perhaps an expensive perfume, with both an alluring and nostalgic scent, but to each their own. All I know is you’ll have no problem fueling your desires during this time, so go and get what’s yours.

Cancer

You like being on top? I know it’s not easy being a water sign, but with dynamic Mars turning up via your sign until July 1, you’re a force to be reckoned with… and you’re feeling yourself, too! Confidence is an understatement and, well, there’s really no getting in your way during this time. Although, in the midst of this sizzling pick-me-up, make sure you don’t let it get to your head. Nothing wrong with being assertive, but you don’t want to come off as overly aggressive and scare off potential prospects in the process.

Leo

Who are you fantasizing about, betch? With oversexed Mars flying high on a magic carpet ride via your secretive 12th house of dreams and all things behind-the-scenes, you’re craving something that feels out-of-this-world. Although, given the mysterious and mystical influence of the 12th house, some of you might also run into a secret rendezvous of sorts during this time. One thing’s for sure: you will feel the rush and emotional thrill of keeping a secret. Oh, and in the meantime, stay tuned for some freaky sex dreams, because they always come with this transit.

Virgo

Crushing on your coworker again, betch? With assertive Mars igniting your 11th house of groups, tribe, and extended network, you’ll be looking for a friend you can count on, and perhaps make out with in the process. Overprotective much? I know how much you love playing the Ms. Fix It card, but try not to go overboard playing Mommy, Virgo. Your turn-ons might be hard to resist, but is it worth putting your friendships and professional relationships, at risk? Not that I need to tell you this, but focus on your goals, and keep it in your pants.

Libra

Spotlight’s on you, betch. Oh, please. Don’t pretend you don’t love being in control. Do yourself a favor and stop trying to play the “balanced” mediator role. Mars is heating up your ambitious tenth house of career, reputation, and public persona, and this is your moment of stardom, so you better get it together. Meaning: no f*ckboys allowed—unless they hold the key to your success, of course. Oh, and the whole world will catch a glimpse of your sex appeal during this time, so slay.

Scorpio

Take a walk on the wild side, betch. Aggressive Mars is in the mile-high club via your expansive ninth house of knowledge, travel, and personal philosophy, and you’re as spontaneous as ever. In the mood to take risks? Here’s the deal, Scorpio: you’ll be feeling like a rebellious wanderer during this sizzling transit, so go ahead and take that leap of faith. I don’t doubt that you’ll come across an exotic admirer in the process, so keep your eyes peeled. Are you ready to get your adventure on?

Sagittarius

Don’t let those sultry desires get the best of you, betch! With fiery Mars activating your eighth house of sex, transformation, and shared resources, you’ll be an ocean of emotion, and there will be no getting in the way of your smoldering desires. Craving attention? Your sex appeal will be pretty strong during this time, so feel free to use it wisely. Oh, and make sure you put those laser-beam eyes away, unless you’re having eye sex, obvi.

Capricorn

You’re on fire, Capricorn. With the planet of desire, sex, and assertion igniting your seventh house of relationships and partnerships, you’re craving some action-packed one-on-one experiences, and you’ll stop at nothing to get your way. Also, I know bickering is more of a Mars in Gemini thing, but you’ll be craving some serious back-and-forth mind games during this time. Take it easy, though. You’ll likely be wearing your emotions on your sleeve.

Aquarius

Wake up. Grind. Repeat. Fiery Mars is igniting your sixth house of health and due diligence, and you’re as resourceful as ever. Although, in the midst of this high-energy kick, you’ll likely be in the mood for something a little more physical…and I don’t mean pilates! This area of your chart governs everything related to your day-to-day routine, which means you could do it any time, anywhere…if that makes sense. Make sure to set your out of office reply if you need to mysteriously disappear in the middle of the day.

Pisces

You’re someone’s muse, betch. Sizzling Mars is dancing through your flamboyant fifth house of creativity, passion, and romance, and you’re tapping into your repressed Hollywood starlet. Your emotions will be stirring with intensity, and rest assured you’ll be looking for a creative outlet and perhaps a toy to play with in the process. That is, of course, if it doesn’t find you first. Also, do yourself a favor, and stop taking yourself so seriously. The night is young, and so is Mars.