Let’s recap. Mercury is retrograde, Mars is retrograde, Saturn is retrograde, and Uranus is retrograde. With all this backward motion, it’s really hard to get things moving. You’re basically stuck where you are this week. Limbo is best as a childhood party game, but you’ll just have to deal with it as a location for basically everything in your life this week. Sorry, betch. Here are your weekly horoscopes for August 13-17:
Aries
The Moon traveling through Virgo will make you take a zen approach to whatever you’re doing while Mars is firing up your ambition. That’s a super great place to be, since you’re motivated but not stressed. Dates will be fun and relaxed. Work projects will get accomplished with ease. You won’t make any major moves with all the retrogrades happening, but at least things are chilling out.
Taurus
Mercury straightens itself out at the very end of the week, so whatever sh*t you’ve been dealing with throughout this retrograde will start wrapping up. Decisions need to be made. Should you make amends or cut ties? Should you ice a certain person out of the group chat, or sit down with them to let them know they’re annoying AF? Resolutions are on the horizon for you this week.
Gemini
For most of this Mercury in retrograde, you’ve felt like you were losing your damn mind. Luckily, it’s over by the end of the week. That being said, you still have one week where shit can go wrong. Keep your head on a swivel for exes popping up in your life, communication mixups, and awkwardness with your home life. You’ve got one week left of this. We all believe in you.
Cancer
Two of the retrogrades happening right now are in your house of marriage and partnerships. If you’re attending a wedding or have one of your own coming up, just be prepared for a sh*t show. Similarly, if you and your significant other have made it through this round of Mercury retrograde unscathed, keep the peace because you have a week left before Mercury straightens out. Keep your guard up, betch.
Leo
Only one week left of practically one of the worst Mercury in retrogrades you’ve had in ages. Thank the Lord baby Jesus. Mercury is in your sign and it’s clashing with Jupiter this week, meaning your worst traits will be amplified and probably annoy the sh*t out of other people. Running your mouth could get you in trouble at work and with friends. Think humble thoughts, Leo.
Virgo
It feels like a lot of weird stuff is happening around you that you have no control over. Coincidences will abound and they won’t be fun cute ones. You still have a chance to run into an ex or the guy you ghosted. Yikes. Still, the Moon traveling through your sign is amplifying your feelings and intuition, so while you could bump into your past, you’ll be able to fully wrap your head around the situation and work through how you feel.
Libra
With the end of Mercury in retrograde in sight, things are starting to look up. Don’t get overconfident just because your situation isn’t as crappy as it has been, especially when it comes to your finances. You really want to, but it’s not the time to treat your self for surviving the past few weeks. Keep a little cushion in your bank account for unforeseen expenses that could pop up this week.
Scorpio
The Mercury/Jupiter relationship happening right now is making you a little more self-centered. Sure, retrograde Mercury has forced you to deal with old issues with parents and bosses and boyfriends, but your friends are probably tired of hearing about it. Maybe ask someone else how they’re doing before you launch into the long, drawn-out update about your situation.
Sagittarius
With this Mercury in retrograde coming to an end, you have the desire to escape and get moving. Squeeze in one last summer vacay if you can. Just be forewarned on this last week before Mercury gets its shit together—travel mixups and delays are still bound to happen. It’s up to you to keep spirits bright when all else goes to hell. So yeah, stock up on those tiny bottles of booze for your bag. If you can’t make it to the party, the party needs to come to you.
Capricorn
Mercury squaring amplifier Jupiter in your secretive eighth house makes you want to spill the tea on some confidential information. Keep your mouth shut as best you can this week; Mercury in retrograde could still ruin your life. Whether you have the hot gossip about your company, friends, or family, keep it to yourself. I think Martha Stewart had the low down on her company and told people and then got popped for insider trading or something. Don’t let that happen to you.
Aquarius
Your ruler Uranus has just gone retrograde until January. With three other planets in retrograde right now, you’re probably feeling like everything is at a standstill. Your dating prospects are blah. Your job is fine. It seems like everything you do right now is just, well, meh. Do whatever you gotta do to get out of the rut this week. Kiss randos. Drink on weeknights. Fight the monotony somehow, betch. It’s for your own good.
Pisces
Your life has been all over the place since Mercury went into retrograde in July. Fear not because by September things will return to normal and you’ll find your rhythm again. Some signs are bored out of their mind by the routine, but you kind of find peace in having a schedule. You’ll find time to eat lunch again or workout routinely. Let’s be real, the first things to go when things get chaotic are your healthier habits.
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Mercury returns to retrograde on July 25. A little refresher: Mercury has power over your mind, your ideas, and mental energy. A planet being in retrograde just means that it appears to be moving backwards. When a planet is in retrograde, you experience the energy of the planet in a more subjective, internal way. Since your experience of the planet’s energy is very unique to you, you’ll experience Mercury’s wrath differently than someone in a different sign. Check your horoscopes to see how Mercury f*cks you up this time around. Here are your weekly horoscopes for July 23-27:
Aries
Mercury retrograde attracts old flames back to your world. At the beginning of the week, things will seem normal. Your life will be fun and happy. Therefore, you’ll be off your guard when an “I miss you text” rolls into your iMessage. Stay strong, betch. Resist the urge to reminisce on only the good times and also remember the sex was just average. K?
Taurus
An upswing in your mood happens this week when things fall into place for you romantically. A few more Hinge matches, a great date, or a DTR that went the way you wanted will have you believing in love again. Mercury’s retrograde in Leo, though, means drama with an ex or a never-was from the past could bring you crashing back down from cloud 9.
Gemini
Things are really fast-paced for you over the next month. You’re busy gallivanting around, traveling, vacationing, and staying occupied with work or whatever. Because Mercury is your ruler, transportation hiccups are a classic curse for you during this time. Prepare for delayed trains, roadblocks, and late arrivals. You can blame TSA or MTA or whomever tf. Still, it’s probably best you get out the door early and make sure you don’t leave your car on E.
Cancer
The Sun is in Leo in your possessive house. So, yeah, your jealous side could really be coming out while Mercury is in retrograde. Avoid stalking your ex unless you want to spend an entire night trying to figure out who the ugly brunette was sitting next to him in his Insta story. Damn boys and their inability to tag people! Ugh. Try just focusing on yourself, and don’t feel bad if you have to block someone for your own sanity.
Leo
Happy Birthday month, Leo! It kind of makes sense that during the month where you’re supposed to receive the most attention, other signs are distracted with Mercury in retrograde. That’s your curse. You’ll feel like you’re fighting for spotlight in a time when it should just be a given. Let your friends deal with their own sh*t. When they realize they weren’t totally obsessed with you on your birthday, they’ll feel guilty and try to make up for it.
Virgo
I’m so sorry, Virgo. This Mercury in retrograde is going to be a rough one. The Sun is hidden in your chart, meaning you’ll want to retreat during a time when you could really use the support of your friends. Even when you find the energy to lean on someone else, they might not give you the response you’re looking for since they’re distracted with their own stuff. Try to keep your head up. Look forward to a much better birthday month ahead.
Libra
You’re super social in general, and this month you’ll be even more chatty and amiable. That’s great. Everyone will want you on their team since you’re not acting like Mercury in retrograde has totally ruined your life. Of course, a lot of people will come to you seeing support and cheering up. Try not to be resentful of this gift of joy you’ve been given. It’s not your fault you’re so popular, it’s your sign’s.
Scorpio
The Sun at the top of your chart casts you in a flattering light. Some might be jealous of you for looking like you have it all together while Mercury is in retrograde. Just remind them that you’re human too, and Mercury had a role in deleting your last iCloud backup or making your nail salon busy when you’re super chipped. You might not be getting the worst of it, but keep that on the DL so your friends don’t hate you forever for being so #blessed.
Sagittarius
The Sun in fun-loving Leo in your house of adventure means you’re on the quest for new experiences. Try a new workout class you keep seeing your friends do on your social feeds. Branch out at a wine tasting so you know what to order when there’s no rosé on the menu. Swipe on a guy that might be a little off-brand for you. Whatever you do, head for the new and avoid the old. You’re likely to backslide into old bad habits and beds when Mercury is in retrograde.
Capricorn
You’re passionate and intense this week. Normally, that’s great. But with Mercury in retrograde, you might lose the part of you that knows where to draw the line. You’re likely to lose friends and alienate people with your strong beliefs and opinions this month if you’re not careful. If you can’t bite your tongue, at least be quick to buy the next round. Your friends won’t remember they’re pissed at you if they blackout, right?
Aquarius
With the Sun directly opposite your sign, you’ll need more sleep to recharge. Still, the Sun pulls you toward people who make you comfortable. Mercury in retrograde draws you toward the past. That’s a dangerous combination when you go back to the guy who bores you but makes you feel safe. You’ll return that bro to the back burner when your batteries are recharged next month.
Pisces
The Sun shifting signs into Leo changes things for you pretty drastically. Even though summer is far from over, your focus will shift from fun, parties, and recreation back to more serious matters. *Sigh* At least you’ll be motivated to get back on track. You’ll feel the need to start regularly going to the gym again and eating fruit that didn’t come served to you in a glass of alcohol. All good things must come to an end.
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