First NY Woman To Use 4/20 Post To Mention Recent Legalization Of Marijuana Declared Comedic Genius

WILLIAMSBURG — With a self-satisfied smile, Ohio transplant Juliette O’Connor gets ready to hit post on her latest Instagram. In it, she’s leaning against her window, surrounded by her favorite plants (“my babies,” she calls them), exhaling a plume of smoke. The photo, which has been edited heavily using presets Juliette purchased from her favorite influencer, is captioned: I can FINALLY celebrate 4/20 now that weed is legal in NY!! 😉 #legalizeweed#justintime

“I’m so glad Zaddy Cuomo legalized weed just in time for 4/20,” she says while taking a hit out of a bowl that is at least 3 years old. She bought the weed six months ago from an NYU student.

Despite it being a Tuesday afternoon, Juliette takes another hit. Her laptop is open and a Zoom meeting is taking place in the background.

“Oh it’s fine, I turned my camera off and I’m muted,” she says. “Plus, they’ll understand. I mean, who makes a meeting at 4pm on 4/20? It’s like they want me to be high for this.”

Juliette’s 4/20 celebrations included a wake and bake at 8am, faking a doctor’s appointment to avoid doing work, followed by an afternoon of setting up her celebratory Instagram shot and some distracted social media scrolling. In fact, she scrolled right past multiple educational infographics about the war on cannabis, the racist enforcement of marijuana possession laws, and how to contact her reps about expunging cannabis convictions.

Quickly after posting her Instagram, the likes and comments started rolling in.

“OMG! The caption!” Wrote one commenter.

“Caption 💯” read another.

Soon she was overwhelmed with captions praising the ingenuity of her caption.

“I see what you did there!!” Praised another commenter.

In fact, the comment was so clever and original that it caught the attention of the National Comics Association, the nation’s leading humor organization. The NCA awarded Ms. O’Connor the designation Comedic Genius, an honor the association gives out twice a year to recipients who advance the field of humor with ideas and jokes that have never before been expressed.

A spokesperson for the NCA said, “Declaring Ms. O’Connor a Comedic Genius was a no-brainer, since she used her platform to point out on 4/20 that marijuana had recently been legalized in NY, which nobody else had ever said before. In fact, few people noticed the fortuitous timing at all.”

When asked what she intends to do with the award, Juliette said, “Well I’ll obviously put it in my Instagram bio.” She said she wants to “do something really big,” adding that she hopes to be the first Brooklyn resident to start a weed-inspired merch brand.

Image: SOROKAJPG / Shutterstock.com

NY Area White Women Excited To Continue Smoking Weed With No Consequences

NEW YORK—A puff of blue dream smoke lifts from the fire escape and onto the Brooklyn street as Ann-Marie, a micro-influencer and Depop shop proprietor, takes her final morning hit. “I try to do this at least every morning to keep myself grounded. I looove the open NYC air.” She sighs with the carefree relief of a person who has never had to think about mandatory minimums, except when she’s had to buy two drinks at a comedy club. 

Jacelyn, 36, a microdosing micro-influencer who is still devastated she couldn’t vote for Michael Bloomberg, takes a five-minute work break to dab from her sherbet pen in the middle of East 42nd. “This way I don’t smell during meetings,” she says, as a young Latinx man who was in the same room as weed smoke two weeks ago is searched on the sidewalk below. 

“That’s what I love about New York—nobody cares here. My dealer once met me in front of an elementary school and he told me all about his canna-business while a divorcee pushed her kid on the swing.” 

Jacelyn continues, “I’ve dabbed all up and down this city. We’re a narcless municipality,” unaware that people of color made up 94% of weed-related arrests in 2020.

Ann-Marie considers pivoting her brand. “Weedfluencers are getting more potent than this virile flower,” she says, as she shakes her fraying J. She takes a snap of her morning sesh for her more than 20,000 Insta followers before rolling up the last of her bud, accidentally flaking some northern lights morsels onto the sidewalk below, just as an NYPD van pulls up in front of her local bodega. She winces at the lost bud. 

Ann-Marie shrugs and climbs back into her apartment, her feet landing on a bright pink weed bathmat from Victoria’s Secret. A haze of grinder fluff encases every surface of her place. She puts the last of her morning toke on her “stash patch,” a soggy wooden coffee table covered in crusty bongs, rusting joint ends, and a variety of half-smoked ounce bags of saturated bud. Each piece, including the “live laugh bud” plywood, would make for the NYPD’s quickest search and seizure, although it’s never crossed her mind. 

When a push notification on her iPhone informs her that the state of New York has officially legalized adult use recreational cannabis, Ann-Marie excitedly opens her group chat.

“This is going to make our lives sooo much easier,” she texts her friends. “I was so tired of hiding blunts in my bra in the security line at Coachella.”

Riding a confident sativa buzz, she asks me: “I can’t with the Slack at my job right now. Do you think I could work at the White House?”

Images: Daniel Monteiro / Unsplash

House Members Just Approved A Marijuana Decriminalization Bill

I have some good news and some bad news. What, did you think you were going to get solely good news in the year of our Lord 2019?! Think again. The good news is that the House Judiciary Committee just approved a bill that could lead to the decriminalization of marijuana. The bad news is it still has a long road ahead in order to become law. The worse news is the fact that there are still narcs who think weed should be illegal.

On Wednesday the House Judiciary Committee voted 24-10 to approve Marijuana Opportunity Reinvestment and Expungement Act, or MORE, which would remove marijuana from the federal list of controlled substances. The bill would also require federal courts to expunge convictions for marijuana offenses and authorize a 5 percent tax on marijuana sales. Not to be dramatic, but this is one of the sexiest bills I have ever heard of.

This rules, but as I said before, there is still a long road ahead. The House Judiciary Committee is the only committee that has even voted on the bill, and it’s not even a guarantee that the House would vote to pass it. Democrats are pretty divided on how to go about the decriminalization of marijuana, and some aren’t even for it.

Just to regroup here, the decriminalization of marijuana would have many benefits. First of all, the epidemic of mass incarceration is strongly supported by locking people — mainly black men — up for non-violent drug offense such as possession of marijuana. There are people in prison for having weed on them — an offense I, and probably you, have made countless times and gotten off scot-free. This has to stop. Also, marijuana has health benefits AND is good for the economy. The list goes on and on.

Legalize weed

— Alise Morales (@AliseNavidad) November 15, 2019

Here’s to hoping lawmakers wake the f*ck up and pass the bill. In the meantime, read up about the argument for decriminalization/legalization of all drugs in a piece we wrote here.

Images: Giphy (1), Twitter (1)

5 Reasons We Should Just Legalize Weed Already

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! On this holy day – the twentieth of April – we honor the sacred act of getting blazed. And while 4/20 is meant for smoking/dabbing/blazing/etc, we should also take the time to think about marijuana in a political sense. Sorry boo, it’s 2019 and everything is political now. That’s just the world we live in! As of now, 33 states have legalized medical marijuana and 10 states plus D.C. have legalized recreational marijuana. Clearly, we are inching towards legalization, and in our humble opinion, we should start sprinting towards it and just like, make this sh*t happen. All the cool kids are doing it! But in all seriousness, legalizing weed has many benefits, and I’ve taken the time to lay out several for you here. You’re welcome and blaze on!

1. It Could Help End Mass Incarceration

Idk if you’ve heard, but we incarcerate sh*t ton of people in America and it’s f*cked up. And a lot of people are locked up because of marijuana charges, aka possession. Police arrest millions of people for simply having weed on them every year.  And would you be shocked if I were to tell you that many of these arrests are racially biased? If so, wake up sweetie, we have a race problem to deal with. Despite the fact that usage rates are equal between the two demographics, black people are almost four times mores likely to be arrested for marijuana related “crimes.” The United States imprisons more people than any other nation, and a vast majority of people in prison are there because of (most often non-violent) drug arrests. In 2016, 1.5 million drug arrests were made in America, and 80% of those arrests were for possession alone. And the majority of those arrested were Black and Latinx. And guess who’s paying for all of this? You and your tax dollars, babe. It’s not only unjust, it’s a waste of your money. All to stop people from *checks notes*  getting baked and watching Netflix documentaries?

2. Weed Has Multiple Health Benefits

Despite what your D.A.R.E. teacher told you, weed can be good for you. It’s used to treat certain ailments, such as cancer, chronic pain, and anxiety, just to name a few. It’s all about knowing how to use it, and seeing if it’s something that works for you. Like, you can’t just take a bunch of hits off your bong and assume that will cure you of your anxiety. That will most likely have the opposite effect. But legalizing weed would allow health professionals more access to knowledge about medical marijuana and would give them the liberty to relay this information to their parents. It would also simply open up the conversation about the benefits of marijuana, so we could all stop pretending smoking weed will kill you, and start getting the real facts about how to use marijuana in a beneficial way.

3. Weed is Good for the Economy

As it turns out, weed is good for biz. A report from cannabis analytics company suggested that if weed was legalized federally, it could generate  $131.8 billion in federal tax revenue by 2025. It’s a booming business, as you have probably learned from your cousin who lives in Colorado and survives off of his dank weed pie business. However, an important thing to note here is how legalization as we know it is still racially biased. In order to get into the marijuana business, you need certain permits. The catch? You can’t obtain these permits if you have been convicted of a crime. So, let’s say a person is arrested for having weed on them (something most of us have been “guilty” of at least once), they serve their time, and now they are out of prison and living in a world where the thing they were arrested for is no longer illegal. Even if they wanted to, they could not get into the business of selling marijuana legally. And as we have covered, most people arrested for weed related crimes are Black and Latino men. So now we have a business where white men, yet again, are profiting, and minorities aren’t able to access as easily. So when we say “legalize weed,” what we really mean is “legalize weed in a way that also allows people with weed convictions to enter the business legally.” But that’s kind of hard to fit on a poster.

4. Everyone Smokes Weed Anyway

Not to keep bringing up your D.A.R.E. teacher, but as hard as they try, they aren’t going to get kids to stop smoking weed. Smoking weed is fun and people enjoy it and are going to do it. Polls actually show that a majority of Americans have tried marijuana in their lifetime (and about half those stop in their late 20s because it starts making them anxious for no reason). Clearly, marijuana prohibition has been about as effective as alcohol prohibition back in the day. Legalizing marijuana would mean there would be a legal, regulated market, which would be a safer market than the illegal one we have now. Regulations means your weed can’t be cut with anything without you knowing about it, and it also means drug kingpins go out of business. That could drastically decrease the violence that takes place in the drug world. Sounds pretty chill, no?

5. Weed is Famously Tight

At the end of the day, you gotta give the people what they want. And the people want legal weed. It’s as simple as that.

Legalize weed

— Alise Morales (@AliseNavidad) April 18, 2019

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

The Whole Sad Saga Of Meek Mill, Explained

In a total turn of events, I am here today to report some *good* news. Truly wild, I know. Rapper Meek Mill has been released from prison on bail as ruled by the Pennsylvania Supreme Court. You know you’re living in dark times when actual justice happens and you’re like, “oh, wow, did not see that coming!”

Meek Mill was sentenced to two to four years in prison  for violating his probation. He has been on probation for almost 10 years after being convicted on drug and firearm charges back in 2007. The rapper has been released because the credibility of the officer that is one of the key witnesses in the case has come in to question, but let’s also just talk about how it’s bullshit that he could be put back in jail in the first place.

An arrest like Meek Mill’s points to some of the many flaws in our broken criminal justice system. Having a person on probation for nearly a decade is essentially setting them up for failure. It’s part of a larger system that disproportionately condemns men of color and keeps them oppressed and literally locked up behind bars. Probation often requires showing up for meetings with your probation officers and submitting drug tests. Show of hands who here has ever missed a meeting or been unable to pass a drug test at any given point.

Exactly. Now imagine having to adhere to those strict rules for 10 years. All because you fucked up when you were nineteen years old. Show of hands who here was an idiot and made dumb mistakes when they were nineteen that they hope would not be seriously haunting them now.

Cool. Now is a good time to point out that I was caught by the police for underage drinking and smoking marijuana when I was eighteen. You know what I got? A warning. One of the cops even laughed at my joke and told me to get home safe. You know why? Because I’m white. Tbh I’m sure it was a solid joke though, just for the record.

Anyway, Meek Mill has been caught in violation of his probation a few times. One time just for leaving Philadelphia county, others for having marijuana in his system. It’s kind of hard to not leave the county when you’re a touring rapper, and let’s be honest, it’s pretty hard to not have marijuana in your system when you’re a human who lives in the world. These are not horrible offenses. They should not be able to put a man back in jail and rip him apart from his family and the life he has made for himself. Probation violations lead to more probation/restrictions, house arrest, and restricted traveling, which is what happened to Meek Mill. It’s a snowball effect, leading to more and more opportunity to violate your probation. It’s a lot easier to get caught doing something when you have so many restrictions, and you are a black man in America. Mill’s latest violations included a failed drug test, violation of court-ordered travel restrictions, and two misdemeanor arrests: for reckless driving involving a motorcycle in Manhattan and for an alleged altercation at the St. Louis airport. These ultimately led to his sentencing of two to four years, which, as stated earlier, he has now been released on bail for. He’s not entirely a free man yet, but it is a victory.

The point is that our criminal justice system is clearly broken and meant to keep a certain demographic from being free citizens. I’m now realizing I started this article by saying I had good news and then proceeded to bring you all down by telling you about how fucked up our country is. Whatever, life is a nightmare. #FreeMeekMill.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

Images: Giphy (3)

 

These Are The Politicians Who Are Down With 4/20

Anyone who hasn’t been living under a stupid rock knows that 4/20 is national marijuana day, aka weed/pot/cannabis/ganga…or whatever the youths are calling it these days. Immediately the image of a group of stoners sitting around a lunch table at the high school comes to mind, and guess what, one of those stoner friend groups is responsible for creating this wonderful unofficial national holiday. Who knows if these guys ever thought that weed would be legal in the U.S. but times are a changing and now a bunch of mainstream politicians think hay ayy ayy ayy, smoke weed everyday. So roll up a fat one and get ready to have your mind blown.

Who TF Supports Cannabis in Congress?

Turns out you don’t need to still be in high school to start a club about weed, because there is a bipartisan group that started the Congressional Cannabis Club Caucus. Now, idk if they all go to someone’s office after hours, put their chairs in a circle and light up like they are in an episode of That 70’s Show, but that’s what I like to think happens. Which, by the way, would be totally legal in DC, so maybe they’ll make it an open invite next time. The founders of this chill AF caucus are Republicans Dana Rohrabacher (CA) and Don Young (AK) with Democrats Earl Blumenauer (OR) and Jared Polis (CO). Their states already have legalized medical and recreational marijuana, but their goal is to have it passed at a federal level so that we can all get high. Dope.

Throwback to the 2016 Presidential Election

As the progressive presidential candidate Bernie was very open about his support of legalizing marijuana. He also “did” weed twice, and it made him cough a lot. So now we know what “feel the Bern” really means. He wasn’t the only candidate in the 2016 election who admitted to having tried cannabis at a young age. Shocker. The best was Jeb Bush who admitted to it during a debate and then tweeted out, “sorry mom.” In case you weren’t already aware, politicians are people and had lives before congress. TBH I wouldn’t trust a candidate who never even considered smoking weed in college. Also, these politicians we’re talking about are white, so they can totes get away with admitting to doing drugs. Just something to remember, betches.

Keep Going I Want to Hear More

Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY), Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ), Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY), and Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) are all happy to welcome their old friend John Boehner to the dark side. Boehner is the most recent politician to come out in favor of legalization when he announced he is joining the board of Acreage Holdings, who distributes weed across 11 states. He was a real buzzkill back in the day and voted against legalization back in 1999. Boehner’s position is meant to help Acreage lobby with the former Speakers powerful friends in Congress. With so many influential members supporting medical and recreational use of marijuana, it should be no time before it is legalized in most states. Tiiiiiiiight.

Who TF does this Piss Off?

Of course there has to be a fucking narc and who would it be besides Jeff Sessions. He has launched a war of his own on marijuana and claims, “Good people don’t smoke marijuana.” I’m a f***ing good person, Jeff. Basically he wants to infringe on the states’ rights to determine their own marijuana laws… not very Republican of you, Seshie Boi. But have no fear, like so many other things Jeff has done, it will probably backfire. It turns out that he’s pissing off the 64% of Americans who support legalization, and they are going to go out and vote for Dems who will pass legislation they favor. Tsk Tsk. He should’ve realized that an election can actually still be about the issues, especially when you want to take away weed from pot heads and lessen mass incarceration. Who knows, maybe Jeff has smoked before but he just can’t recall.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

Where Can I Get High Legally: A 4/20 Investigation

Today is 4/20, which means betches who love weed will be smoking in celebration and betches who don’t will be pretending they do in order to look like, super chill. Whichever category you fall in to, I am here to update you on the current state of legalization in the US, because I am selfless and don’t want you getting arrested or fined on this sacred holiday. You’re like, so welcome.

It’s 2018, Trump has been president for over a year, half of the people he’s ever met have been subpoenaed by Robert Mueller, Zuckerberg probably sold the data on everyone you’ve ever instagram stalked to Russia, and it’s snowing in New York in April. In other words, the citizens of America are in dire need of a stress-relieving drug. Public approval of marijuana legalization has never been higher, more than doubling since 2000 to clock in at 64% of US adults in 2017. Among anxious millennials, who have been gifted climate change, the gig economy, and mass incarceration, support is understandably even higher at 70%.

However, marijuana remains a schedule 1 substance in the federal classification system, rendering it equivalent to heroin or methamphetamines in the eyes of the law. Regardless of the fact that this is literally insane and I personally have had many more near death experiences related to alcohol than marijuana, this means that while states may legalize or decriminalize, federal prosecutors can still sue individual businesses. Jeff Sessions intends to keep it that way, and rescinded an Obama-era guideline that basically let states legalize without federal interference.Trump and Sessions appear to be divided on this issue, so stay tuned to find out who wins that battle. I’m sure they will deal with this right after Syria and gun control. Anyway, now that I’ve given you enough legal background to impress the next hot stoner you encounter at a party, let’s get down to where you can and can’t smoke legal weed.

Where It’s Totally Legal and Totally Lit

Nine states and the District of Columbia have completely legalized marijuana, including its use for recreational purposes. In Alaska, California, Colorado, Oregon, Nevada, and Washington, you can fully purchase weed for fun at legal dispensaries. It’s literally lit. In DC, Vermont, Massachusetts, and Maine, recreational sale is either not legal or pending legislation, but you are allowed to smoke, carry, and grow your own marijuana. Dude…nice.

Where It’s Decriminalized, So Like, Kinda Illegal

Some states have decriminalized marijuana to varying degrees, so it isn’t legal, but penalties for possession are usually just fines, and do not incite arrests. In many states, this is part of an important broader effort to reform the punitive and racist enforcement of stricter marijuana laws. The decriminalized states are: Connecticut, Delaware, Illinois, Maryland, Mississippi, Missouri, Nebrasksa, New Hampshire, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, and Rhode Island. Right on.

Where It’s Medical, But You Probably Have  Anxiety So It’s Fine

States that allow medical marijuana include decriminalized states, recreationally legal states (duh), and some states where non-medical use is fully illegal. The non-recreationally legal states that do allow medical marijuana are Arizona, Arkansas, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Louisiana, Maryland, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, North Dakota, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, West Virginia, and Virginia. So basically, all you need to do is successfully convince your psychiatrist that you have anxiety, as you’ve already been doing for years to access your Xanax prescription, and you can get weed in these states. What a time to be alive.

Where It’s Illegal, But You Didn’t Want to Go To Kansas Anyway

Unfortunately, there are still some US states fully committed to outlawing weed (and joy). All forms of marijuana, including medically-prescribed weed, are illegal in Alabama, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Montana, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. You probably weren’t going to use your previous vacation days in Montana anyway. Land of the narcs, if you will.

Happy 4/20, betches! Get high and don’t feel too guilty about ordering McDonalds via Uber Eats, it’s a damn holiday.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

American Heroes To Give Out Free Weed On Inauguration Day

LOL at the fact that Donald Trump is going to be sworn into office as the president of the fucking country in two short weeks. And since this news is honestly so depressing, thank god the good samaritans of the DC Cannabis Coalition are passing out thousands of free joints to numb the pain.

Contrary to my personal and very popular belief, this is not an anti-Trump movement. It’s not even a giant rally to encourage everyone to get lit AF and pretend the world isn’t ending. Rather, our friends at the DC Cannabis Coalition are trying to draw attention to an incredibly important initiative: the federal legalization of marijuana.

“The main message is it’s time to legalize cannabis at the federal level,” said Adam Eidinger, stoner extraordinaire and chief marijuana officer of the group.

And the event is (mostly) legal. The group will be passing out 4,200 joints west of Dupont Circle, where recreational marijuana is legal, and then marching to the National Mall to observe Trump’s inauguration speech. After 4 minutes and 20 seconds (really going heavy on the 420 motif here) of Trump’s probs cringeworthy speech, the group is encouraged to light up. And that part is definitely not legal.

The homie Adam says this part is merely “civil disobedience,” but recipients of this token of good grace are not required to smoke it at that moment. BRB, googling flights to DC ASAP.

Weed