How To Burn Calories Throughout The Day Without Working Out

As much as we’d all like to be that girl who gets in an hour-long cardio session at 7am when the rest of the world is sleeping, it’s just not gonna happen. In fact, the idea of getting out of bed to do something active while I could be in a deep sleep literally makes me nauseous. We all have those years days that getting to the gym just isn’t in the cards for us, but it would still be nice to cut calories without legit starving ourselves. Here are some ways to burn calories throughout the day without breaking a sweat.

1. Skip Stairs

It might sound ridiculous, but going up the stairs burns a lot more calories that you’d think. I mean, you know the feeling of being winded after climbing the subway steps. That shit is a fucking workout. To make stair climbing even more effective, skip a step like some annoying 13-year-old boy. By skipping steps, you’re activating the glute and quad muscles in your legs, which are the biggest calorie-burning muscles in your body. You might look like an idiot, and someone will definitely see up your dress, but you’re basically replacing your 45-minute spin class. Ok, not really, but it’s better than nothing.

2. Do The Public Restroom Squat

If you don’t usually squat when using a public restroom, we’re not judging, but like, ew. If you’ve ever been to an airport and have held to hold a squat over the toilet while peeing, you know how much it actually burns your legs. It’s a great toning exercise and it actually burns calories. So, just pretend you’re always at an airport and you’ll burn calories every time you go to the bathroom. Your butt will probably get toned AF in the process, so I’d start now.

Cady Heron

3. Eat Fiber

Foods with fiber are obviously healthy for you, but it turns out they literally help your body burn calories when you eat them. Foods that are high in fiber burn calories—it’s been scientifically proven—because they are harder for your body to digest. So, when you eat fiber-heavy foods like broccoli, oats, beans, and Brussels sprouts, your body needs to work harder to digest and so it burns calories without making you lift a finger. We’re basically giving you permission to order like, three more vegetable sides.

4. Drink Lemon Water In The Morning

If you’ve ever read an interview with any health guru or health-conscious celebrity, they all claim to start their day the same way: with a glass of lemon water in the morning. While we’d much rather skip straight to our cold brew, lemon water has a ton of benefits that will help your body throughout the day. Drinking water on an empty stomach will help flush out any toxins before you eat, and the polyphenols in lemon can help reduce your appetite, so you’re less likely to refill your bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats three times. Try drinking 8 ounces of lemon water before breakfast and you’ll see why Gwyneth Paltrow swears by it.

Lemons

5. Engage Your Core

For people who don’t work out, this one might be a little confusing, but once you get the hang of it, it’ll be a game changer for your body. The idea is to engage your core when sitting at your desk, walking home, or just watching TV at night. Just like you have to squeeze your core during planks and sit-ups, engaging your core during everyday activities will help improve your posture, strengthen your abs, and burn calories when you’re not even working out. You’re putting in a little more work than you usually would, but then again you’re not making it to the gym today so stop whining.

6. Drink Coffee

In case you needed another reason to drink a shit ton of coffee before your lunch break, here’s another one: it’ll help speed up your metabolism and make you burn calories. Here’s how it works: the caffeine found in coffee is a central nervous system stimulant, and coffee contains chlorogenic acid, which is a compound that may help slow absorption of carbs. So, when you drink coffee, it makes you less hungry and speeds up your body’s metabolic rate. Basically, order the Venti. Your body deserves it. 

Coffee

Read: How To Get Rid Of Your Summer Beer Belly Without Doing That Much Work
 
7 Minimal-Effort Sex Positions For When It’s Too Hot To Move

Being lazy is a true art form. It’s probably the only skill on my resume, besides idk, Instagram, that I didn’t lie about, and I legitimately pride myself on the ability to strategically get away with doing the bare minimum on a daily basis. But there are few things in this world that are worse than the combination of being lazy and horny. Don’t get me wrong, being on top and taking charge in the bedroom is sexy and empowering, but only when you’re actually feeling sexy and empowered. The other six and a half days of the week, you’re prob covered in zit cream and chip dust hoping he doesn’t come home with his rocket fully prepared for takeoff. So here are some of the best sex positions to make it look like you actually tried without literally lifting a finger. Oh, and you’re fucking welcome.

1. The Spoon

The spoon is OG lazy lovemaking at its finest. It’s actually the best because you’ve mastered this position every single day of your life from about 10pm to 7am. All you need to do is lay on your side with him behind you. Once he enters you, let your hands do the talking. Reach around and grab hold of his thighs, guide his hands to hold your boobs, or better yet, your clit—the fact that you’re taking control with minimal effort is a win-win. Just try not to fall asleep. Or do. Even better.

Spooning

2. The Curled Spoon

Refer to above spooning position for proper form, except this time around, you’re both activating full fetal position. I only included this on here because since you’re now hugging your knees into your chest, you’re fully incapable of moving any sort of body part lower than your chest. You’re also pushing, like, full-night’s-sleep-after-a-long-ass-weekend comfort levels. Congratulations.

3. Collapsed Doggy Style

If your favorite yoga position is the one where you’re practically unconscious during the last 10 minutes of class, then this one’s for you. And bonus, it’s even got a yoga-y name, so it’s basically like you’re saving $30. All you need is a pillow. Lie on your stomach and elevate your butt with the pillow, and that’s literally all you have to do besides focusing on staying awake. Plus, this is technically an alternative of doggy style, so do this if he won’t get off your back about his incessant need to fuck you from behind.

Sleeping

4. Bootyful View

This is perfect for when you’re feeling lazy AND bloated from your happy hour/three-year weekend alcohol binge (since his only view will be of your backside), so basically, like any day. Have him sit up on the bed with his legs extended horizontally. Turn around and straddle him (like reverse cowgirl) and extend your legs back so they’re behind him, and your body is between his legs on the bed. Slide up and down while using his legs for leverage. Before you bitch about the logistics going into this position, just think of it as like putting together your Ikea bookshelf. The setup is a fucking nightmare, but you’ll eventually get to enjoy it at the expense of basically nothing. Swearsies.

5. Dirty Dangle

Not to brag, but I’ve mastered this shit when I’m fucked up. Ok, I’m for sure bragging. Basically all you have to do is lay on your back at the foot of the bed. Start out in missionary, and when you’re both close to climaxing (if you’re drunk, then good fucking luck with that), start inching toward the edge of the bed until your head, shoulders and arms are hanging backward off the bed. The blood rush will give you an added sensation once you come back up. But chances are, after a night out, you’re basically already hanging off the bed in some form or another, so.

Clueless

6. The Spider Web

So I lied—I know I said you won’t have to lift a finger with any of these positions, but for this one you’re gonna have to lift a leg, but it’s better than starfishing like a basic bitch. Just lie on your sides and face each other, so for your sake, I hope he’s at least like, a 7. Intertwine your legs through his, and rather than that jack-hammer thrusting bullshit guys think they can get away with, this sexual web requires circular motions and grinding. Yeah, groundbreaking. As an added sensation, reach back and use your nails to lightly scratch his back. But like, demand the favor be returned. Betches don’t work for free.

7. The Chair Face-Off

The downside of Netflix and Chill is that there’s like no point in watching Netflix, since all you’re thinking about is the potential for peen sitting right next to you. The plus side of the chair face-off is that you can Netflix AND chill without having to rewatch what you acted like you attempted to watch the first time. For starters, you’ll need a chair (fucking duh). Have him sit on the chair while you face him and straddle him. If he has a clue, he’ll put his hands on your hips to guide you while using his hips for an added bounce. You’re guaranteed to reach full satisfaction, but that’s like 95% due to the fact that you’re all caught up on Game of Thrones.

Game Of Thrones

Images: mathilde langevin / Unsplash; Giphy (4)

Read: 5 Facts You Need To Know Before Committing To Pool Sex
This Is The Bare Minimum You Need To Work Out To Still Look Good Naked

Whether you’re blaming your laziness on your colossal hangover, your exhausting day of scrolling through Instagram, or your two-week overdue jet lag, you’re just not feeling a workout today. Your energy (or more accurately, motivation) levels might be at zero, but that doesn’t mean you need to lie on your couch and order two pints of Pinkberry, for, you know, the delivery minimum. This workout barely requires you to stand up, but you’ll still burn calories and tone your muscles enough to feel it the next day so you can look good in your bikini/in some fuckboy’s bed. Do each move for 45 seconds and repeat the circuit three times total.

1. Downward Dog Push-Ups

The downward dog is technically a yoga pose meant to stretch out your calves and relax your muscles, but paired with a push-up on the bottom, it makes for an amazing arm and core workout. Start in a downward dog position, but on your elbows instead of your hands. Press your hands onto the floor to straighten your elbows and pull your pelvis back, coming into the downward dog position with your hands on the ground. Lower your elbows back to the mat and repeat until you feel the burn in your shoulders. 

2. Glute Kickbacks

Most lower body movements are pretty exhausting, and you obviously have to be standing up for moves like squats and lunges. Glute kickbacks are just as effective if done right, and the best part is you get to stay on the ground the whole time. Start on all fours, with your hands placed on the ground under your shoulders and your knees bent at a 90-degree angle. Keep your head forward while you exhale, lifting one leg up while contracting your glutes and then slowly bringing the knee back to the ground. Alternate sides, and try to pulse each leg for the last 10 seconds to really feel the burn in your butt.

3. Mountain Climber + Shoulder Tap

No workout would be complete without a cardio burst, and it’s pretty rare to find a move that will get your heart rate up without moving around that much. If the thought of running on the treadmill or doing burpees makes you want to pass out, mountain climbers are your go-to. Keep your hands on the ground and your shoulders above your wrists as you jog your legs into your torso. After every six reps, stop jogging and tap your hand to your opposite shoulder to get your arms involved. Keep going in this six-to-two ratio for one minute straight and you should be pretty out of breath by the end.

4. Plank Jacks

Plank jacks are another cardio move that doesn’t involve standing up so you don’t half-ass these. Starting in a high plank or a forearm plank, jump your feet in and out for one minute, as if you’re doing jumping jacks in a horizontal position (without moving your arms, because duh). Try to keep your core as tight as possible the whole time, and make sure your butt is staying in line with your torso. I mean, there’s nothing worse than having to explain to someone that you injured your back by working out in your living room while watching Orange is the New Black.

5. Scissor Kicks

There are a ton of ab moves out there that don’t involve jumping or using fancy equipment, but scissor kicks are the ultimate lazy mood sculpting move. I mean, you’re literally lying on your back while kicking your legs, so stop whining and get through this one-minute ab burner. Start with your back pressed to the ground and your arms at your side (off the ground, preferably). Then, lift your legs off the ground with a slight bend in your knee and kick each one upward, SLOWLY alternating between the two while engaging your core. Also, people tend to forget to breathe while doing this move, so make sure you’re breathing so you don’t die mid-workout. Like, you’ve made it this far without dying.

6. Froggers

We definitely saved the hardest move for last, but don’t block us on Instagram just yet, because froggers are literally the biggest calorie-burner considering you’re basically on the ground the whole time. The idea is to start in a plank, and then jump your feet forward to land on the outsides of your palms. Once they’re there, sit up in a squat position and breathe, then jump your feet back again, landing in a plank. The moment in the squat is supposed to be your break in between jumps, so that means you actually have to put in some work when hopping forward and back. This move works your abs, legs, butt, and arms, so don’t you dare ditch early for that Pinkberry pint.

Read: The Killer Cardio Workout That Doesn’t Involve Running But Will Still Make You Skinny
 
The Full Body Workout You Can Do From Your Couch

Summer goes by pretty fast, so you want to spend your time wisely. I mean, on one hand, it’s bikini season and we’re drinking martinis all day, so it’s probably a good idea to like, work out a bit. On the other hand, my poolside lounge chair is the literally the best place in the world and the idea of going on a run makes me want to die right now. That’s why we developed a quick workout routine that you can do on your lounge chair or even from your couch, so you’re like, kind of moving, but you also don’t feel like death. Here’s the workout:

1. Bicycle Crunches

Bicycle crunches are one of the most effective moves for your abs, and they specifically target your obliques, which are those side lines that will look so good when you’re wearing your swimsuit. Lie flat on your back with your hands behind your head and your knees bent inward toward your chest. Try to lift your shoulder blades off the lounge chair to activate your core, and then straighten your right leg out in front of you while bringing your right elbow to your left knee. Alternate legs for 45 seconds and keep your abs engaged the whole time. As we’ve said before, do this shit S-L-O-W-L-Y or else you’re wasting your time.

Bicycle Crunches

2. Hip Bridges

This move looks like you’re aimlessly thrusting your pelvis into the air so it might be awkward if other people are around, but it also makes your butt look amazing so it’s worth it. Lie on your back with your legs bent in front of you and your feet on the lounge chair. Then, squeeze your butt and pull your hips into the air, making sure your glutes are fully engaged. Bring your butt down to the bench, and keep going up and down for a minute. Try taking a few seconds at the top to pulse your hips upward for an extra burn. It hurts, but you’ll thank us when your butt looks unreal in your new denim shorts all summer.

Hip Bridges

3. Scissor Kicks

This is another ab exercise, but instead of targeting the obliques, it hits the middle of your abs, where you want that perfect line that literally looks like you’ve been doing hardcore Pilates for years. Lie on your back with your arms out to the side. You can also hold onto the sides of your lounge chair for more support. With a slight bend in your knees, lift your legs up so that your heels are a few inches off the chair, then lift one leg up and slowly lower it back down without your heel touching the chair. Alternate between right and left for 45 seconds and remember to breathe. Holding your breath makes it harder, not easier.

Scissor Kicks

4. Mountain Climbers

We’ve burned out our abs and ass already, so it’s time for a cardio burst. The point of mountain climbers is to keep your abs and legs working while bringing your heart rate up through a cardio interval. Start with your hands on the lounge chair and your body in a plank position. Then, jog each knee into your chest as fast as you can while keeping your spine and hips as straight as you can. You want to work as hard as you can for about 30 seconds, so you can keep burning calories when you’re doing jack shit the rest of the day. Yay!

Mountain Climbers

5. Shoulder Taps

Shoulder taps work your core and the upper part of your arms, so you’re basically killing two birds with one stone. Start in a plank position with your feet hip width apart. You can bring them closer together to make it harder, but try to keep your hips square the entire time. Lift your left hand off the lounge chair to tap your right shoulder, then bring it back down, and do the same on the other side. Alternate sides for one minute without swaying your hips or lifting your butt too high.

Shoulder Tap

6. Backward Kicks

We’re not gonna make you get up and do lunges or squats, but it wouldn’t be a full body workout without burning out your legs and butt, so let’s do some kicks to get those muscles activated. Start on all fours with your knees on the lounge chair. Then, kick your right leg straight behind you and lift it a few inches higher, pulsing for a few seconds at the top. Bring the leg back down and switch sides, doing the same on the left. Also, make sure you’re not kicking too aggressively. You want to slowly extend the leg and pulse the muscle to feel the burn in your butt.

Kickback

7. Tricep Dips

For the last move, you’re gonna have to (kind of) leave your lounge chair, but you’re still technically holding on, so it counts. Tricep dips are super effective for toning your arms, so you don’t want to skip this one. Start sitting on the edge of the lounge chair with your hands on the chair behind you, facing forwards. Slide your butt a few inches away from the edge of the chair and extend your legs outwards. Bend your elbows to lower your butt down to the floor until your elbows are at a 90 degree angle, then press down to straighten out your elbows and lift yourself up to the starting position. Keeping dipping up and down for 45 seconds.  

Tricep Dip

Taking Off Your Makeup Expectations Vs. Reality

We all know by now that the number one thing you can do in life to fuck up your skin is fail to take off your makeup properly. That and like, not drink so much alcohol, but only one of those options is truly feasible for the average betch’s modern lifestyle. Unfortunately for those of us who usually come home some combination of tired/drunk and are generally lazy, there are a lot of steps to actually taking your makeup off that go way beyond soap and water. Like, apparently Q-Tips should be involved? I’m honestly shocked. Also I continually fail to understand the presence of cucumbers in our beauty regimens. I mean, I don’t hate it, I just don’t understand it. Which is most things in life, I guess.

While we all hope to come home after work and completely remove every trace of dirt from our pores and thoroughly exfoliate our post-workday skin, we all know that this dream is basically bullshit. In reality you will most likely stumble home at the end of the night, splash water on your face, and walk out of the bathroom with the day’s mascara still fully applied to your lashes. 

In order to illustrate this phenomenon, check out Betches Video’s latest “How To Take Off Your Makeup Expectations Vs. Reality” video and be like, “omg this is me.” Subscribe to our Youtube channel for more funny videos just like this one.