This seems impossible, but somehow, it was only a week ago that the contestants for the upcoming season of The Bachelorette were revealed. That’s right—eight days ago, the most important thing in my life was roasting DMV photos of a bunch of dudes. Of course, the new season will star Clare Crawley, who just happens to be the oldest Bachelorette ever, at 38. That’s why, when we saw the contestants, the first thing that jumped out was the age disparity. The majority of Clare’s guys were in their 20s, with many more than a full decade younger than her. To each their own when it comes to age difference, but this seemed like an odd casting strategy.
Well, a whole f*cking lot has changed in the past week, and Clare’s season is really just along for the ride (as we all are). As you all know, the entire world is basically on pause right now due to the coronavirus pandemic, and unfortunately, The Bachelorette is not immune to a global health crisis. Turns out Mike Fleiss’ deal with the devil doesn’t cover that—sad!
Clare’s season was scheduled to kick off filming last Friday with the limo introductions, but it was called off and postponed until further notice. I’m assuming Clare’s contestants all got plane tickets back to wherever they’re from, and now things are just in a holding pattern. But while Matt James is chilling in Florida with Hannah Brown and Tyler Cameron, it sounds like we might never see some of these guys again.
This week, in an Instagram Live with his girlfriend Lauren Zima, Chris Harrison spoke candidly about the reality of what’s going on with Clare’s season, and the fact that the cast might be changing: “The chances are, for everybody to be able to put their life on hold and come back again is very slim. So yeah, we are still casting, so if you have somebody you think is great for this beautiful woman right here.” Yeah, I guess getting a month of vacation last week was one thing, but once this is all over, you might kind of have to go back to work. Chris continued, saying, “There will be some different guys. Maybe it’ll be completely different guys, maybe it’ll be a mixture. Who knows? We really don’t know, with the way the world is right now, with everybody’s schedule.”
Okay, so obviously Chris isn’t getting into details, and he probably doesn’t even know the details at this point, but let’s be real: ABC better use this opportunity to cast some guys that are actually logical for Clare to date and hopefully marry. Like, sorry Mr. 23-year-old frat star, but there is no way Clare Crawley wants to MARRY YOU. (Clare, sorry if that’s your type, but trust me, you don’t want to spend your forever with this man.) I sincerely hope that, whenever Clare’s season does happen, we see a group of contestants that are older and hotter, because she deserves it. Give us silver foxes, ABC!
Right now, we still have no idea when filming will begin for Clare’s season, but it’s starting to look like the premiere date, set for May 18th, might have to be pushed back too. As much as I hate to admit it, it’s a good thing that Listen To Your Heart was already done filming before this whole nightmare began, because we’re going to need SOMETHING to watch. I said I wouldn’t watch it, but these are desperate times. Damn it ABC, you’ve sucked us in again.
Until then Chris Harrison and Lauren Zima will be doing “Fireside Chats” on IG Live every evening, so you can watch those if you’re realllllly desperate for a Bachelor fix. (Or you could just watch the seasons of The Bachelor that they put on Netflix.) Who knows, Chris might spill some more tea, but honestly, we’ll probably let you know if anything actually important happens.
Winter has apparently begun early this year, but luckily, the ABC gods are smiling upon us, and they’ve sent us something to warm our cold, dead hearts. The first official Bachelor promo for Pilot Pete’s season is here, and obviously we have to discuss. ABC always does the most for these promos, and this year is no different. This Bachelor promo might actually be worse than Hannah’s promo of her running through the CGI woods, but it’s a close call. We’ve got a strange music choice, questionable CGI, a windmill, and some very bad acting. Let’s dive in.
The Bachelor promo opens with an a cappella version of “Feeling Good,” as we a sky that looks like the cover of Taylor Swift’s Lover album, and there’s a little plane way up there. Subtle! Then, a single rose petal floats across the screen, because again, we’re really trying to be subtle here. Then, the CGI rose petal keeps floating down, until we see… a CGI windmill!!! Guys, do you remember that Peter f*cked in a windmill? The subtlety just doesn’t stop.
View this post on Instagram
BREAKING: #TheBachelor Peter Weber’s first official promo video is here; and only ET has it for you! Watch and check my stories for a link that has more, including premiere deets!❤️❤️❤️ #peterweber #WINDMILL AHHHH the song! The WINDMILL – it’s SO GOOD. Pure ARTISTRY. Thoughts?!? 🌹🔥🎶
The windmill blows some more rose petals at us, and a sweeping orchestra comes in for the chorus of “Feeling Good.” Then, the red door of the windmill house (is this a thing?) swings open, and out walks Peter. He’s holding a single long-stem rose, and you can tell the director told him to look like he was deep in thought. Then, he looks up at the camera, and he looks f*cking terrified.
We then cut to the title card, where he again looks less than thrilled. Do you see this face? Maybe he’s just uncomfortable doing staged promos like this, but this doesn’t look like the face of a man who can’t wait to embark on the journey of a lifetime to find a wife. This looks like the face of a man who had to go to the bathroom while he was taking his photo at the DMV.
Pete then finally cracks a smile, but I remain thoroughly underwhelmed about his abilities to perform on camera. Hopefully he’s a little better at acting like he’s having a good time on the actual show, or else these group dates are gonna be awkward as hell. Peter—you’re going to have to show a little more personality once you fall and need all those face stitches!
Whether you think this Bachelor promo is cute or a total eyeroll, we can all be happy about the fact that its arrival means that we’re only like, two months from the new season premiering. Soon, we should be getting cast bios, an actual season trailer, and hopefully a lot of messy interviews and rumors about the season. Based on some of the spoilers we’ve heard, this season should have some major drama, and I. Am. Ready. Mike Fleiss and co., please don’t let us down.
Images: ABC; laurenzima / Instagram