Did anyone else think quarantine was going to be right up their alley for the first few weeks, but now they’ve finished all of Netflix* and there’s nothing to do except alternate between staring hopelessly at the ceiling for hours on end and watching TikTok compilations? No one else? Just me?
Well, fear not either way, because even as you reach your final episode on your final show on Netflix, there are still half a dozen other streaming platforms out there waiting for you to give them a whirl. And why not! There are so many hours in the day in quarantine. You are never required to wear pants. You can be on Slack and watch TV in the background. The only rule of quarantine is to never leave your house. The real world has become a place of madness and fiction, and the only solace we can now find is going to be in the fabricated stress of television.
So, without further ado, here are the best shows available on Amazon Prime during this quarantine. Disclaimer: I haven’t spent as many hours on Amazon Prime as Netflix, mostly because it makes me weirdly uneasy to see my recent orders for lamps and cleaning supplies while I also browse for shows, so it goes without saying that I have probably missed a few of them.
*By all of Netflix, I mean the shows worth watching.
The first season of Hunters recently started airing on Prime, and because I’m trying to avoid high-stress situations, I haven’t started it. However, executive producer Jordan Peele (Get Out, Us) is an absolute genius storyteller, so it’s gotta be super good. It also stars Al Pacino and Logan Lerman from the Percy Jackson movies, whom I completely forgot about, and now I need to watch. The show is set in New York City in 1977 and follows a group of Nazi hunters as they try to dismantle a secret group of Nazi officers that are trying to implement a fourth Reich in America.
‘The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel’
If you’ve ever thought to yourself that maybe you were meant to live a different life and that life is specifically to be a Jewish mother living on the Upper West Side in the 1950s with an undiscovered talent for stand-up comedy, then this show is for you. Created by Amy Sherman-Palladino, of Gilmore Girls fame, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel follows Midge Maisel’s journey through the New York stand-up scene after her husband leaves her for his secretary (schmuck). Would Midge have worked for Betches if it was around back then? Almost certainly, and that’s all you need to know.
Didn’t we all already watch Girls? Personally, I stopped around Season 5 because every character became as annoying as humanly possible and I couldn’t watch Hannah make another terrible decision or listen to Marnie try to launch her singing career for another second. That being said, I did like some of the characters and the incredibly dysfunctional family they created. At least Girls is a really easy binge because the episodes are short and the storylines are engaging and easy to follow. Just don’t watch too much in a row, or you will go through what I did and never finish (but that’s okay, too).
I haven’t watched Fleabag yet, but it won like, all the awards, and I see it everywhere on TL so I think I might just have to start. Phoebe Waller-Bridge writes the show and stars as the titular character, Fleabag. From the season 1 trailer, it seems kind of like a British and more updated version of Girls? As in, the main character kind of self-sabotages everything for herself but you still keep watching to see if maybe she’ll turn it around one day. What seems more unique and interesting about it, though, is that Fleabag breaks the fourth wall often to explain to her viewers what’s going through her brain, so maybe we have some more perspective and empathy for her questionable choices.
Modern Love is a miniseries that brings the New York Times essay column of the same name to life. Whoever was the casting agent really knew what they were doing. They’ve got Tina Fey, Anne Hathaway, and Dev Patel in their own 30-minute episodes, appearing casually as if they were normal people. The first episode made me cry, and the rest were definitely worth watching. With only eight episodes, this is a great show to watch if you don’t want to commit to a whole series. And then you will become addicted to the stories and read 20 essays in one night and convince yourself you can write your own about the guy that has been delivering your groceries for the last week, if only you could come up with a catchy title.
‘Sex and the City’
Since we have nothing else to do in quarantine, let’s all sit around the kitchen table and discuss with our fellow quarantine inmates which character every person in our friend group most identifies with. Luckily, Sex and the City is on Prime to help you out. The one who is still making you do her Ship matches, just to f*ck with the guys? Samantha. The one who began planning a Zoom wedding immediately and already had a stockpile of hand sanitizer? Charlotte. The one who actually knows the facts of what’s going on, but is over talking about it? Miranda. The one who thinks the pandemic is the just the thing to spice up her forthcoming-but-still-unwritten memoir? Carrie.
Psych is a detective sitcom that is the exact show to watch if you want to get really invested in/binge something for like, a minute, but don’t want to be thinking about 24/7. Shawn Spencer is a police crime consultant who has convinced the police that he solves cases using psychic abilities, but was really just trained as a child by his dad to have heightened awareness and photographic memory, which is shown in flashbacks. Shawn works with his friend and partner Gus, at his psychic detective agency, Psych.
The world will never get enough American-Italian mobster drama (@The Irishman), and that’s all there is to say about that. The Sopranos is regarded as one of the greatest television series of all time, and luckily it’s on Prime for you to decide for yourself (although I’m sure everyone has seen at least one episode at some point or another). Tony Soprano is the show’s protagonist (if you will), who must balance his family life and role as crime boss of his New Jersey-based crime family—he delves into this narrative through talking to his therapist, Dr. Melfi.
Some of us think we are quirky and talented enough to be writing for Saturday Night Live, but just haven’t had our big break yet. While we wait for that dream to manifest itself, we can watch 30 Rock. The popular sitcom, created by and starring Tina Fey, is available on Prime, and is based loosely her days as a head writer at SNL (although the live-sketch show depicted in 30 Rock is fictional). 30 Rock is right up there with The Office and Parks and Rec; it’s just a super easy sitcom that you can throw on at any time of day and for whatever mood you’re in.
Downton Abbey is one of my favorite shows ever, and I’m so glad it’s on Prime. Downton Abbey takes place in England and follows the lives of the aristocratic Crawley family and their servants from 1912-1926. There is so much drama both upstairs and downstairs, and while there are some people that try to cause tension, mostly everyone gets along and has adorable British accents. It’s so easy to watch and get obsessed with, and I promise it’s worth it.
Honestly, who let Dance Moms air in the first place? Every Tuesday night in middle school for me featured a Dance Moms and Pretty Little Liars marathon, and looking back, that lineup feels like a bizarre fever dream. The antics of Miss Abby Lee Miller honestly haunt me, and the fact that she went to jail for a minute really doesn’t help the whole situation. How did she choreograph those dances every single week? What is the rival studio, the inglorious Candy Apples, up to now? Will Maddie ever not be at the top of the pyramid?
Mostly just putting this on the list because I think it might be fun to watch Meghan, Duchess of Sussex (wait do we still call her that, or no?) during her life before Harry. Suits is set at a New York City law firm, opening when Harvey Specter hires Mike Ross, a genius college dropout, to help him solve and close cases, despite Mike never attending or graduating from law school at all.
‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’
Larry David, the creator of Seinfeld and hilarious Bernie impersonator on SNL, plays a version of himself in Curb Your Enthusiasm. The 10th season just started, and luckily Prime has all the prior seasons so you can catch up. In the show, David faces the many annoyances of daily life, and basically just calls everyone out on their bullsh*t. TBH the show stresses me out because I am not a confrontational person at all, but it’s really funny. I would love to see an episode of David coughing on someone and/or being coughed on during this pandemic. Maybe they’re already working on it.
‘Law & Order: SVU’
Over the last 20 years, Law & Order: SVU has seemingly gotten away with any and every plotline they could ever think up. My jaw immediately hits the floor every time I watch this show, and it stays there the whole episode. I love how they only seem to get the perp like half the time and then the rest of the time it’s a therapy session. I love how they make up mid-season storylines for the main characters, and when you question them, diehard fans comment, “oh yeah, they mentioned that offhandedly 10 seasons ago,” as if you should’ve remembered. I love how Finn seems to improvise all of his lines and no one ever reacts to them. This show is a great watch because you really don’t need to watch it any particular order, and after one episode you’ll be done with TV for a while.
‘American Horror Story’
Eight seasons of AHS are on Prime, and I know everyone has a personal favorite. I only tried to watch this show once, when I was in ninth grade. I remember it so clearly, sitting in my friend’s basement in the dark. It was season four: Freak Show. She didn’t warn me at all. Enter: the scariest clown I have ever seen. Cue: me not sleeping for a week. That was the last time I ever even thought about watching this show. However, I’m older now, and wiser, and the world is as scary as it’s going to get, so I’m considering giving it another try. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Let me be the first to say I would GLADLY elect Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Vice President and/or President of the United States right now, which is her role as the protagonist in Veep. Veep is about the personal and political careers of Selina Meyer, the Vice President, and her wacky but reliable staff as they try to make their mark and advance themselves politically. Does it seem like something like this will ever be allowed to happen in our country? Maybe not, but it’s still fun to watch nonetheless.
Hopefully, by this point, you have found some sort of routine for your quarantine, and are not just watching TV for 9 hours a day as you maybe did at the beginning. (And if you are doing that, literally no shame at all.) However, we’re in it for the long haul, and we’ll need some entertainment to help us through it. If you can’t stand staring at the screen any longer, try an audiobook. One show at a time, this quarantine is going to get a little more bearable.
Images: Jose Perez/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images, Amazon (16)
As we’ve already discussed, Larry David is a huge betch. He does whatever he wants and gives zero f*cks about offending people everyone. As Larry goes out into the world and has no idea how to conform to the norms of society, we can very much identify. Watching him go through life without so much as a clue how to navigate, we can’t help but picture ourselves in his (squeaking) shoes and think we’d react exactly the same. So in honor of Curb Your Enthusiasm having premiered 18 years ago today, we have gathered a top 10 list of our favorite Curb episodes, which btw was an excruciating task. We don’t expect you to fully agree with our list, but we hope you respect it like LD respects wood.
10. Palestinian Chicken
As any seasoned Curb watcher knows, Larry is set on his own “unwritten rules” of society. However, sometimes he is forced to choose between what he knows is morally right and whatever tf his heart desires. In this instant classic, Larry becomes enamored with the chicken at a Palestinian restaurant despite its outward hostility to Jews. Not only that, he ends up f*cking one of the Palestinian women at the restaurant whose dirty talk is actually just anti-Semitism mixed with moaning. It’s basically Curb’s take on the Palestinian-Israeli conflict but obviously what’s being fought for here is chicken.
Leave it to LD to help us pretend to know about sports. In a typically MASSIVE f*ck up, he accidentally trips and injures Shaquille O’Neal at a Lakers game, making him an even bigger social pariah than he already is. However, Larry gets away with this, as Shaq just so happens to be a huge Seinfeld fan…literally, huge.
8. The Freak Book
Like people who still say “on fleek”, Larry is severely out of touch with reality. Cut to, Larry decides a great gift to give Ted Danson is a coffee table book called “Mondo Freaks” which features people with all kinds of disabilities. Throughout the episode he shows it to (and severely offends) a limo driver, tennis star John McEnroe and…wait for it… Heather Mills. This episode is Larry in all his glory because the greatest Curb fiascos arise when he actually has good intentions without realizing how abhorrent he is, and Larry genuinely believed giving someone “a book of freaks” is a thoughtful and generous gift.
7. The Weatherman
Larry realizes the weatherman is falsely predicting rain the day before he plans to play golf so he can have the course to himself. Larry, being a man of principle who also appreciates a nice tan, decides he is not going to let this bastard get away with it and talks sh*t about the weatherman to everyone. Also in this episode, Larry throws out his back because he pees sitting down and gets kicked out of Jeff and Suzy’s house because Sammy finds a picture of his mouth. Poor Lah, all he did was try and get treatment for his plaque problem.
6. Vow of Silence
When Oscar the dog is on his deathbed, Suzy sends Jeff and Larry to go get his favorite meal, a cup of Pinkberry. One thing leads to another, and Jeff and LD end up eating his Pinkberry. They lie through their teeth about the incident, however, they were caught in the act by their friend who happens to be taking a vow of silence. Obviously the stage for a Larry-Suzy showdown has been set, which are Curb’s most glorious moments. Lahhrry you bawld four eyed f*ck!!!
5. Krazee-Eyez Killa
First of all, this episode is great because it features Wanda Sykes, whose exchanges with Larry are some of the most hysterical. Larry is having a conversation with Wanda’s fiancé, rapper Krazee-Eyez Killa, about going down on b*tches. Krazee-Eyez admits to thoroughly enjoying the deed, so much so that he has been performing it on a variety of women, not exclusive to Wanda. Of course Larry lets the secret slip to Cheryl, and Larry once again finds himself at the epicenter of everyone’s hatred. A highlight of the episode is Larry offering some constructive criticism to Krazee-Eyez on how to improve some of his rap lyrics: “Change mother f*cker to b*tch? B*tch is a word that you would use to someone you disrespect.” Betch, however, is not.
4. The Ski Lift
Like any true betch, Larry knows how to manipulate people to get what he wants. In this case what he wants is Yankees tickets, and the person he’s manipulating is an orthodox rabbi. Natch, Larry pretends to be Ortho himself (“Not on the Shabbos!”) and by the end of the episode he ends up trapped on a ski lift with the rabbi’s daughter at sundown, eating edible underwear. Best line: “I’d have to be a SOCIOPATH to hit someone’s car and then go off into the night as if nothing had happened!!”
3. Chet’s Shirt
Larry goes to a friend’s house, a lady whose husband, Chet, recently died. Larry notices a framed picture of Chet and cannot get over how much he loves the shirt he’s wearing. Obviously Larry, being his usual self, won’t stop asking her where he got that shirt because even though she’s on the brink of tears, Larry is convinced “I would look great in that shirt.” When he finally gets the answer, he immediately buys the shirt and wears it to a meeting with Funkhauser who tells Larry he loves the shirt. Because Larry is such a nice guy, he goes back to the store to buy one for Funk and also buys another one for himself, ya know in case something happens to one. You can see where this is going… You honestly have to just go rewatch this episode to see the end because it is truly one of LD’s shining moments. Besides, that was a sharp f*cking shirt.
2. The Carpool Lane
Larry is struggling to get to a Dodger’s game but of course he’s got sh*t to deal with beforehand. This includes getting out of jury duty, driving someone to the airport, and finding some medical ganj for his dad’s glaucoma. This episode is obviously a favorite for the gem of a scene that is Larry’s dad smoking a joint with the hooker and repeating after her, “this joint is the shiznick…meshuguna!” Larry also has a 10 minute conversation with himself in a reflective surface. Get a colonoscopy!!!
1. The Survivor
When you hear the word survivor, what do you associate with it? That question is thoroughly debated in this notorious episode. Larry brings his old-ass dad, who is a Holocaust survivor, to a dinner party where he has been told there is going to be another survivor there. Cut to, a contestant on the reality show Survivor who thinks having to be filmed on an island without snacks is just as brutal as the concentration camps. If you have a friend who’s never seen Curb, start them with this one. Unless they are in fact a survivor, then they might be offended.
Images: Giphy (4)