Raise your hand if you’re a messy b*tch who thrives on drama and other people’s misfortunes. If you didn’t raise both of your hands and feet, then you might want to get out now because this post is for gossip mongers only. You’ve been warned. Now that that’s been handled, welcome, bottom feeders, to the book round-up you never knew you wanted! Celebrities are literally always trying to sell a memoir about their innermost secrets and are constantly disappointing me and the register girl at Barnes & Noble when she sees me coming to return a book five days after purchase. Most times, these so-called “tell-alls” are just a way to revive a career, promote a new season of their show, or just generally cling to their relevance for another five seconds. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m not shelling out $27 for a hardcover version of information I could’ve tracked down through a semi-intense dive into their social media. So, for those of you craving the real tea and gossip that’s juicier than whatever your Aunt Linda is about to spill at the Thanksgiving dinner table, these are the celebrity memoirs for you.
Inside Out by Demi Moore
We’ve talked about this one before but, y’all, Demi Moore’s new memoir is actually bonkers. Not only does she finally open up about her marriage to Ashton Kutcher (#tbt) and the wild threesomes they used to have to try (in vain) to save their marriage, but she also talks about her meteoric rise to fame and struggles with addiction. She doesn’t just come for her ex Ashton Kutcher, either (though that in itself is messy as hell and way worth the read). She comes for ALL of Hollywood: she dishes on her other ex-husband Bruce Willis and one-time flame Rob Lowe. She even speaks to that one time Jon Cryer publicly declared she took his virginity, claiming he’d been with other women before and that he was just “bad at sex.” HE WAS JUST BAD AT SEX. I’m dead. Deceased. This isn’t just a book, it’s a Hollywood hit list and a petty work of art. Basically, a must-read. We bow down to you, Demi.
My Friend Anna by Rachel DeLoache Williams
In another article I wrote for this site, I made a bold statement when I compared those who are actively not following the Anna Delvey story to mole people, and I still stand by that statement. When news broke about Anna Delvey, the fake German heiress who somehow managed to con $200K out of Manhattan’s elite party scene, I was completely captivated. How did she get away with this? And do any of her friends understand how Venmo works? These were the questions that kept me up at night. My Friend Anna focuses on those friends, the people she scammed, and how she got away with it—one friend in particular, who arguably got hit the worst by Anna’s cons. Written by her former friend Rachel Williams, whom Anna personally scammed out of $62,000 during one lavish vacation, this book reads like a twisty thriller about a sociopath, except everything actually happened IRL. For those looking to familiarize yourself with the story before Shonda Rhimes’ new Anna Delvey Netflix series drops, then I URGE you to pick up this book. Rachel answers probably every single question you’ve ever had about Anna.
Coreyography by Corey Feldman
For those of you who are like “who tf is Corey Feldman” just know that I’m marking you for the youth you so clearly are, and I hope you can feel my shame through this screen. Corey Feldman was one of my FAVORITE child stars and starred in cult classics such as The Goonies and Stand By Me. He was the height of ‘80s fame and also a childhood crush of mine. I still secretly harbor ill wishes towards that trollop Stef for getting to make out with him during The Goonies. I will say, post-child star fame, Corey has not fared well. He’s battled with drug addiction and, to my knowledge, has not landed an acting role since we entered the 21st century. His memoir, Coreyography (great title tbh), sheds light on this. In his book he talks about the dark underbelly of Hollywood for child stars: from getting hooked on drugs at a young age to the rampant sexual abuse he experienced during his time in the lime light and his “innocent” friendship with the late Michael Jackson. This book can be pretty heavy and, at times, even triggering, but it’s definitely worth the read.
It’s Not Okay by Andi Dorfman 
This one is for all you Bachelor Nation fans out there. Andi Dorfman, ex-Bachelorette and Mike Fliess’s worst nightmare, wrote a tell-all back in 2016 about her time as The Bachelorette. Not only did she give us an inside look at what actually happens during the fantasy suite dates, but she wasn’t afraid to talk sh*t about her exes Nick Viall and Josh Murray. You love to see it. It is the ultimate burn book for all things Bachelor and Nick Viall, which should be reason enough to pick this one up.
Darkness to Light by Lamar Odom
I, personally, have been waiting for Jordyn Woods to set her NDA on fire and break the internet by releasing her own tell-all about the Kardashians, but until then I’ll settle for Lamar Odom’s memoir. Former NBA player and ex-husband to Khloé Kardashian, Odom spilled all the tea when his memoir came out at the beginning of the summer. Tbh I feel like the Khloé Kardashian drama is the least exciting of all the bombshells he dropped in this book. Like, for example, did you know that he used a FAKE PENIS to pass a drug test before the Olympics? HOW?? Or that he was a host to multiple orgies when he lived in Miami? For people who Keep Up, or those who just really want a wild read, then you need to binge this one ASAP.
A Song For You: My Life With Whitney Houston by Robyn Crawford
This book was just released this week, and it’s already everywhere. The author, Robyn Crawford, is the late Whitney Houston’s longtime best friend, and in her memoir she comes clean about the romantic rumors that swirled for a long time regarding her friendship with Houston. Crawford confirms that her and Houston did have a romantic and sexual relationship in the early 1980s, but called things off when Houston started to get famous because Houston said it would “make our journey even more difficult.” It’s been rumored for a while that Houston was bisexual (her ex-husband Bobby Brown made a comment about it in 2016), but nothing has been confirmed, as Houston passed away in 2012. Whitney Houston is an absolute legend and this book shines a light on aspects of her life that have never been released to the public.
Open by Andre Agassi
Even if you’re not a big tennis fan, or your idea of being “sporty” consists of going to a bar on Sunday in your ex-boyfriend’s stolen jersey, you’ll still love Andre Agassi’s memoir if you’re a fan of juicy gossip. Agassi, who was known early in his career for his giant hair, admitted that he actually wore a wig on the tennis court once his hair started to thin. Impossible beauty standards at it again!! Honestly, he looks better with a shaved head anyway. Over in the personal life department, we also get an inside look at his failed marriage to Brooke Shields. He comes clean about testing positive for meth (yikes) in 1997, and basically says he did drugs because he was scared to marry Brooke (double yikes). He also admits that he blamed his assistant to avoid the consequences of said positive drug test. Weird, this reads a lot like my last boyfriend’s explanations for why we broke up.
Ladies Who Punch by Ramin Setoodeh
I haven’t watched The View in years, mostly because I’m not a middle-aged housewife, but I still couldn’t put this book down. Journalist Ramin Setoodeh somehow managed to interview basically everyone involved with the show in its 20-year history, and the behind-the-scenes drama is messier than your Sunday brunch that turns into “one more drink” at a bar nearby. This book has the tea on how basically everyone who has ever left the show was fired, even though they acted like leaving was their choice. You’ll read about how Star Jones used the show to get her entire wedding free, and of course, all the drama with Rosie O’Donnell. But for me, the craziest thing was that Barbara Walters basically had to be pushed out when she retired, and the producers had to forcibly stop her from extending her contract. What a way to go.
Images: Amazon (8)
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Over the past decade, Lamar Odom has been through a lot. You know most of the story—the whirlwind marriage to Khloé, the DUI in 2013, the original divorce papers, the drug problem, the literal coma, and finally the second round of divorce papers. But things finally seem to be looking up for Lamar Odom. He tried his best on this season of Dancing With the Stars, and now he has a brand-new fiancée, Sabrina Parr. I know, who? Don’t worry, we’ll get to that.
On Monday, Lamar popped the question to his girlfriend, Sabrina Parr, in Miami Beach. He did it at Prime 112, a restaurant which has four dollar signs on Google, so you know it’s fancy. Sabrina and Lamar both posted about their engagement, but their posts are hilariously different. Here’s Lamar’s photo, an annoyingly grainy, but still cute, photo of the two of them, with a caption declaring his love for Sabrina.
Okay, now for Sabrina’s post. Rather than a photo of her and Lamar, she went for a carousel that consists of a video of the ring, followed by two more photos of the ring. Did you see that she got a ring? She’s really happy that she got a ring. She also posted another photo of the ring on her Instagram story, in case you missed it the first time around.
I’m sure that Sabrina loves Lamar very much and can’t wait to be his wife, just as much as she loves her ring. But now that we’ve talked about how much she’s obsessed with her ring, let’s dive into the world of Sabrina Parr, because there’s some interesting stuff to talk about.
First of all, Sabrina and Lamar have only been together for three months, which makes me a little nervous. I guess it’s an improvement over when Lamar married Khloé after only a month of dating, but three months is still not long enough to get engaged, in my opinion. Like Lamar, Sabrina is divorced and has children from her previous relationship. She’s said on social media that she had a “crazy marriage,” and was even arrested at one point for an incident related to her husband. She’s been vague about this, but she has a mug shot that she posted about on her Instagram.
Interestingly enough, Sabrina is like, best friends with NeNe Leakes. In fact, judging from her Insta stories last night, she and Lamar were out to dinner with NeNe and her husband Gregg, and it doesn’t look like anyone else was there. She also recently appeared at NeNe’s Pillow Talk panel in Miami. It’s unclear how they met, but I’m already dying for Sabrina and Lamar to make an appearance on The Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Speaking of Real Housewives, Sabrina’s business sounds like something that a Housewife would do sponsored posts for on Instagram. Sabrina is a health and life coach, and has a company called Get Up To Parr. Tbh, I like the name, but I’m a little more skeptical about the actual business model. According to Sabrina’s homepage, her “mission is to provide customized fitness/nutrition services for individuals eager to transform their health.” That sounds great, but in wellness speak, it translates to—you guessed it—fit tea. That’s right, Lamar Odom’s fiancée has her own brand of diarrhea tea.
Okay, so I don’t technically know that it’s diarrhea tea, because the whole Get Up To Parr site is frustratingly lacking in details. The site just says that the Detox Tea “Supports fat loss, helps eliminate impurities, cleanses your body, and targets your waistline,” but it contains no information about how it does this, or any of the ingredients.
Another main service advertised on the site is meal prep, and Sabrina says she’ll either deliver pre-cooked meals to you, or come cook in your house! That sounds great, except for the fact that there’s actually no way to order this service on the site. If you click on meal prep, it takes you to a “shop” section where you can choose which services you want to buy, and then if you click “buy now”, it just takes you to a blank page. I guess this is still in the works, but maybe take it off your site if you’re not offering it yet. I’m not like, a professional consultant or anything, but that just seems logical.
The last main part of Sabrina Parr’s business is the 10-Day Cleanse, which is a written plan that is supposedly customized for each person according to “their needs and likes.” I’m not going to spend the money to find out, but the site says it’s “a food cleanse, NOT A JUICING SYSTEM!” (Phew.) Sabrina adds, “This service consists of breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks and water. Included with this is a grocery list, meal prep instructions, and food plan.” Okay, so this definitely looks more legit than your typical run-of-the-mill fitness influencer. Sabrina’s bio on the website talks about how she’s a former All-American athlete, and she was inspired to help others, and I’m sure she will be helping a lot more people now that her engagement to Lamar Odom has been made public.
In addition to her ~wellness~ brand, Sabrina also has experience as a radio host, and she and Lamar have the same business manager, which I would assume is how they met. Essentially, she sounds like the kind of person who’s destined to be on reality TV, and her engagement to Lamar Odom only makes this seem more likely. She’s pretty open on Instagram, and I’m sure we’ll be getting plenty of updates about the wedding process, and plenty more photos of the ring. In the mean time, can someone go check on Khloé?
Images: Shutterstock; lamarodom, getuptoparr (2) / Instagram; Get Up To Parr
So we guess Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson read our article about how they’re pretty strange as a couple, but kind of work well together. (Come on, Ariana Grande is definitely the kind of girl who Googles herself.) Anyway, it sounds like they took that article to heart and decided to get engaged. Um…okay. But before you judge them, check out some couples that dated for only a hot minute before getting engaged. Sure, almost none of their marriages lasted. But still, at least they got some (short-lived) marital bliss!
1. Lamar Odom And Khloé Kardashian
Khloé Kardashian and NBA basketball players go together like Adderall and double vodka Red Bulls. Sure, it’s a euphoric buzz at first, but that buzz will eventually devolve into some fucked up shit. Khloé and Lamar knew each other for 30 days before they got married. And you know what? They were actually really sweet together—until he started cheating on her all the time and developed a horrific drug addiction. The four year relationship lasted longer than we thought it would. Khloé is easily the most likable Kardashian and the one we root for the most, so it broke our hearts a little to see her get screwed over, but at least we never have to hear her talk in that cringeworthy baby voice to “Lam Lam” ever again.
2. Nick Cannon And Mariah Carey
Mariah Carey is the ultimate diva, and while we may worship her for that, I’d imagine that it’s got to be kind of hard to put up with that as a husband. So we gotta hand it to Nick Cannon for giving marriage to Mariah Carey a shot. He seriously said they listen to her music while they had sex. Usually I want to inject crazy celebrity sex myths into my veins, but even that was a bit difficult to stomach. But did you know they were only dating for six weeks before they got engaged? That’s kind of a short time to get to know someone and get a sense of how difficult and high-maintenance they can truly be. So maybe that explains why he married her to begin with.
3. Russell Brand And Katy Perry
Katy Perry has a history of doomed relationships. She dated playboy John Mayer on and off for a couple of years. And honestly, in spite of his sketchy history (remember when he dated Scheana from Vanderpump Rules?) we understood. Have you heard his music? You have two ears and a heart, don’t you? Then she moved on to Riff Raff and Diplo, who both look like what you would find at the bottom of your shoe after a bender at Electric Daisy Carnival. But Russell Brand was the man who lead the revolving door of fuckboys that come in and out of Katy’s life. Russell Brand. He’s a comedian (red flag because of their emotional issues), admitted sex addict (red flag because emotional AND commitment), and spokesman for PETA (red flag because, again, emotional issues). After dating for two months, the couple went on to have an over-the-top wedding in India. We all know that how expensive the wedding is is directly proportional to how expensive the divorce will be. Russell reportedly ended his 14 month marriage to Katy over—get this—a text message. So wait, the guy shits on people who eat steak and Chick-fil-A because it’s heartless, but ends his marriage via text? Okay then. He actually said a while back that he wants to be friends with Katy again. LOL sure.
4. That Tennis Player And Kaley Cuoco
Kaley Cuoco, star of The Big Bang Theory, married Ryan Sweeting, that tennis player who you don’t care about, after three months of dating. They ended up getting married on New Year’s Eve, which in and of itself is a red flag. Not because all holiday marriages are doomed for divorce, but because the only thing tackier than a holiday marriage proposal is a holiday wedding. They actually lasted for two years. Getting divorced so publicly sucks, but being on a show as terrible as The Big Bang Theory is still a much more embarrassing burden to bear in spite of the million dollar paycheck.
5. Kevin Federline And Britney Spears
Britney Spears has done some pretty shocking things in her career. How can we forget when she made out with Madonna or performed with an actual snake at the VMAs? Well, when she ended up making out with human snake Kevin Federline, that’s when we threw our hands up and stopped believing in Britney. I mean, he had a pregnant baby mama when he started up with Britney. They dated for only a couple of months before getting engaged. The day of their wedding, the bride and groom parties had their own Juicy Coutoure sweatsuits. The ladies wore pink tracksuits with “The maids” bejeweled on their backs, while Brit had “The Bride” on hers. The gentlemen (and we use that term very loosely here) wore white tracksuits that said “Pimps” in black cursive. Literally the only sign worse than the groom having a pregnant baby mama when he first met the bride is wearing a tracksuit that says “Pimp” on it. We’re sure they served Mountain Dew cocktails and a buffet of McDonald’s at the reception. Still, Britney and Kevin lasted a surprisingly long time. Well, they lasted three years, but that’s still a surprisingly long time for them.
6. Ken Todd And Lisa Vanderpump
Who would’ve thought the healthiest relationship on Vanderpump Rules was a couple that only knew each other for six weeks before getting married? They have been married for almost 40 years. My flirtation with the bartender at Make Believe has lasted longer than that engagement. My fake tan from Sugared + Bronzed has lasted longer than that engagement. Hell, my vibrator’s battery power has lasted longer than their engagement. This almost makes us think Brittany isn’t a total idiot for moving from Kentucky to L.A. after meeting Jax once in Las Vegas. She’s just a total idiot for turning a blind eye to the fact that he’s a manchild who will probably never change and getting engaged to him anyway.
7. Emily Ratajkowski And Sebastian Bear-McClard
Emily Ratajkowski is one of the sexiest women in the world, according to any men’s magazine, any guy, and, well, anyone with a pulse, really. So it totally shocked us when she got hitched to Sebastian Bear-McClard. First off, she had just broken up with her long-term boyfriend approximately five seconds prior and only knew Sebastian for several weeks. Second of all, he proposed to her at a restaurant with a makeshift ring made out of a paper clip. And lastly, they got married at city hall with the Fat Jewish as their witness. You know it’s a bad sign when your husband’s best friend’s job is highjacking memes and writing captions in caps lock. Sebastian is kind of cute because he’s like Landry from Friday Night Lights, if Landry was a first-string quarterback who never got friend zoned by Tyra instead of a nerdy benchwarmer. But still, they deprived us of the fairy tale wedding that Emily deserved. Who the hell wears a mustard suit instead of Vera Wang?
Images: Giphy (3)
