What do you spend your money on when you’re the youngest billionaire in the world? Evidently not charity cases. Kylie Jenner, self-proclaimed billionaire (and Forbes’ highest-paid celebrity of 2020), has sent fans into a moral dilemma over whether to keep worshiping at the altar of King Kylie or #eattherich this week when she posted a goFundMe for her makeup artist and “friend” Samuel Rauda’s medical bills after he was involved in a horrific car accident.
While Kylie did share a screenshot of her $5,000 donation, with a net worth of $900 million, it’s certainly raising some eyebrows—especially when that works out to 0.000006% of her net worth. While Miss Jenner more or less offloaded the financial responsibility of her friend’s surgery onto her lip kit army, here are five things she’s posted on Instagram that would have paid for Samuel’s $60,000 surgery (and even the full $120,000 goFundMe request).
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If you were watching Kylie’s instagram story on December 27th, did you realize this photo cost over $50,000? Yeah, that’s what we thought, broke bitch. That tiny bag Kylie is holding is the Hermès Matte Alligator Kelly Pochette Poussiere, which retails for approximately $49,999 if you’re in the market. Paired with a Charlotte Knowles London Exclusive Green Check Skinny Dress and Trouser ($900), Dior Sunglasses ($340) and Yeezy pumps ($240), this quick glimpse into Kylie’s wardrobe is only worth about 0.0056% of her net worth, but would have covered 85% of Sam’s original medical expenses.
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While Kylie’s daughter Stormi normally steals the attention of whatever picture she’s in, even she can’t outshine the $50,500 Harry Kotlar 5962 Classico Earrings Kylie’s wearing here. Didn’t catch those, you uncultured swine? Don’t worry—the more obvious matching red Bottega Veneta Cutout Sequined Jersey Turtleneck Gowns cost nearly triple Kylie’s donation goFundMe donation, at around $14,000.
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Posted less than two weeks ago, this picture not only called you poor, but also crossed the street to avoid you. For those who don’t keep up with coveted designer bags, this Instagram features not one, but three Hermès bags. In the name of science, we did some research: they appear to be alligator skin, which puts them at a hefty approximate $48,000 each.
The bottom line: With just the three handbags in the upper left corner, Kylie Jenner could have paid for her “friend” Samuel’s surgery, but didn’t.
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While at first glance this may just be a cute snap of Stormi holding an $800 Prada Re-Edition bag that costs over half my rent, look again at the orange vehicle behind here and squint at the logo. If you recognized that as the $400,000 Lamborghini Jenner acquired in 2018, congrats on Keeping Up With the Kardashians. For everyone else: That car could have paid for all of Samuel’s medical bills three times over.
Still Not Getting It? Let’s Put It In Perspective…
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You may recognize this picture from Kylie’s Instagram story on March 10th, but I bet you didn’t know she’s wearing a S/S 2006 Runway Brown Tie Around Ultra Tiny Bikini by Dolce and Gabbana that retails for $6,200. For those bad at math, let me spell it out for you: Kylie Jenner spent more on a bikini than she donated to a “friend” to save his life.
So, is this the end of King Kylie’s reign? Unfortunately, probably not. But, in a year that has had nearly 11% of Americans unemployed and millions more scraping to get by, maybe it’s something to start thinking about when a celebrity chooses to post a goFundMe and offload financial responsibility onto their fans.
Images: Tinseltown / Shutterstock.com; kyliejennersoutfit, kyliejenner / Instagram
It is Day 54 of quarantine. I haven’t showered in a super long time. I’ve read everything on Betches, AND Buzzfeed, AND all of my social media feeds. I’ve watched basically all of Netflix and settled on The Office yet again. Also, have you seen Never Have I Ever? It’s fantastic but needs like, 30 more episodes. Times are dark, guys. As I obsessively scroll Instagram for literally any *ANY* new information, I see a little something from our dear Photoshop Fail Friend, Kylie Jenner.
Now, Kylie has been in some hot water recently because she went out in public without her paid paparazzi, and the photos were very normal. I’m pretty confused as to why people were surprised by this. Guys, NO ONE is a 24/7 thirst trap. It takes a lot of makeup and posing to look like Kylie Jenner, and it sounds exhausting tbh. We’re all in quarantine anyway, let her buy her chips in peace.
The way that Quarantine has turned Kylie Jenner back into a white girl pic.twitter.com/FQjlTEY95F
— B. Velvet (@BeyonceLeague) April 20, 2020
If anything, I love this, because it shows what we’ve been saying with this article series all along: celebs, they’re just like us! And it takes a ton of Photoshop, Facetune, creative angles, and contours to look like a celeb.
Of course, Kyle couldn’t just let it go and be cool, and has been desperate ever since to remind us that she’s actually super hot when she tries. I think it would have been a way better power move to just let it be. But as a Kardashian/Jenner they always need to look supernatural, so she’s been posting pretty frequent thirst traps since.
So then she posted these:
She’s all, “Look at me, you poors! I am rich and thin and have a pool!” However, Kylie’s new house seems to have super f*cking weird pool.
Because in every photo, the structural integrity of the pool seems to completely fall apart whenever it’s near Kylie. Also known as the Kardashian Vortex.
Here’s the thing. Yes, water warps perspective, but it definitely does not warp the portion of the pool structure clearly OUT of the water. I thought these were pretty bad, guys. First, it gives me secondhand shame to picture Kylie posing all over her pool with probably her housekeeper taking 4,000 snapshots of her so she can prove she’s sexy to undo the chip pics. It’s just embarrassing. Like, enjoy your life and chill out. But it makes it even more embarrassing that she then painstakingly dragged her pics around in Facetune in order to get Barbie proportions and messed her pool up in the process. But then it gets worse.
Because this is actually her second post of said photoshoot. The first post included this image that was cropped differently:
Kylie you are the worst using photoshop pic.twitter.com/eoGOsG0BqA
— Leo (@wichocantu98) April 28, 2020
Where you can clearly see THERE IS A GIANT CHUNK missing from her pool, that also surrounds her ass. I mean, what the hell was she editing for this to happen?
So there you have it. At least Kylie’s grotesque editing of her body is the one constant in our lives in these uncertain times.
Did you notice Kylie’s messed up pool immediately? Are you now a pro at spotting these Fails now? What other Photoshop abuse have you seen lately? Do you agree that Kylie should be allowed to buy chips without having a posed photoshoot? LMK!
Images: kyliejenner / Instagram; beyonceleague, wichocantu98 / Twitter
When I first started doing these Photoshop Fails, I would cover celebrities who so obviously warped themselves that it was ridiculous. Like, missing limbs, wavy background lines, all telltale signs that pointed to “this person obviously edited the sh*t out of themselves—and poorly.” Now, though, celebrities have gotten smarter about it (maybe because they read my series and don’t want to end up on it? Let’s go with that). They’re checking their lines. They’re posing in front of neutral backdrops that make it harder to tell if they’ve cinched in their waists. And this just makes it even harder to tell what’s real and what’s fake. Which, obviously, is what they want, but it’s bad for us regular people, who are fooled into believing people really have 2-inch waists. And no one has become a worse culprit of this sneaky editing than Kylie Jenner.
The day Kylie stops slicing her body into pieces on social media will be the day I retire. That is the only silver lining of this, that I get to keep my job. But still, don’t trust Kylie, and whatever you do, don’t compare yourself to her. Why? She doesn’t even look like the version of herself she puts on Instagram! Check out what I found this week, because it’s melting my brain.
Kylie went to the Vanity Fair Oscars party wearing a super cool optical illusion kind of dress:
She captions that she couldn’t really sit in it, which is now considered a cool thing to say, ever since Jen Aniston showed us all how she rides to fancy events in expensive, restrictive dresses. Why can’t celebrities just get dresses that are fashionable and also comfortable to sit in??? I don’t get why this is considered a fun, quirky thing to announce—that your dress was so tight, you could not even sit down? I mean, girl, size up? Like, when I’m sitting in jeans that are even a smidge too small, I immediately want to rip all my clothes off. How can you stand it?
That aside, Kylie looks gorgeous, as always, and plastic, as always, with a waist that is smaller than her head, as always. This looks totally Photopshopped/Facetuned to me because, one, her waist is just way too thin for the rest of her body; two, her face is not her face; and three, her arms have squiggly lines. C’mon Kylie, let it go already.
And while I couldn’t find the original photo available, we still found receipts, thanks to our good friends over at Getty Images, who captured a photo of Kylie on the carpet before the Vanity Fair party.
What do you know, guys? Kylie is NORMAL, HUMAN proportioned, not a Barbie doll! In the Instagram version, she clearly made her waist way thinner, her chest way larger, and hips look a little bigger too. She also shrunk her arms and shoulders by a lot. And for WHAT? Her arms look great as-is!
The funniest part to me is the top. She REALLY over-inflated it, it looks like there’s a pillow shoved into her top compared to her tiny little arms next to it. It’s the FaceTune equivalent of stuffing your bra, but we’re not 13 anymore. The dress is so cool and pretty on her, I just don’t understand what the purpose of these adjustments is.
You’d think with all that glam and money that went into this look, she’s just pose for a great picture and let it go, right? WHAT are we trying to accomplish here, people?
Why is this like, a new and exciting thing that these poor women can’t even sit down? Is that supposed be a positive? Even Winnie Harlow commented:
Like, this is supposed to be a compliment right? Her waist is so tightly bound in that she can’t even sit down! And she still edits it to make it even more dramatic! And we’re saying this is a good move for women?
Some commenters thought she meant it as an insult. But I think she really means to compliment Kylie’s dedication to showcasing an alien body and pretending it’s her own. Come on ladies, don’t we all just really want comfy dresses that have pockets for our snacks? Can’t we look just as hot that way?
Did you spot this Fail immediately? Why do you think Kylie and Klan continue to edit their pics? Would you wear so much Spanx that you can’t even sit down just to look like this? Or would you like, wear a dress that fits, and enjoy your time? LMK your thoughts!
Images: JEAN-BAPTISTE LACROIX/AFP via Getty Images; Kylie Jenner / Instagram
In news that I definitely thought happened already, TMZ reports Kylie Jenner finally unfollowed Jordyn Woods on Instagram. Kylie is only following 125 people to her 141 million followers, so when she unfollows someone, it’s not exactly hard to notice. Still, this one’s gotta hurt. For Jordyn, I mean.
The news comes two days after Jordyn Woods was spotted at a bar smoking hookah and dancing with James Harden. If that name sounds familiar to you, it should be for two reasons. One, he’s a basketball player, but two—and most importantly—he’s another one of Khloé Kardashian’s exes. Khloé and James dated for a hot second back in 2016, so homegirl clearly has a type. Say what you want about Jordyn, but at least she’s consistent. I have no choice but to respect it.
I guess for Kylie this was the last straw, and she finally unfollowed Jordyn on Instagram. Kind of crazy that she didn’t do it after Jordyn was spotted partying and kissing Tristan Thompson, Khloé’s actual baby daddy, but I guess you have to draw the line somewhere. Still, this seems like a random place to draw said line given that Khloé and James dated three years ago, it was not serious, Jordyn is not dating him now, and she claims she did not plan to meet up with him and just randomly ran into him. Then again, those KUWTK ratings aren’t going to spike themselves!
This unfollow comes about a month after Kylie’s people told Us Weekly that she would “always care about Jordyn and she wants only the best for her” and implied she might forgive her in the future. Welp. I guess the S.S. Forgiveness has officially sailed.
For now, Jordyn is still following Kylie and Kylie Cosmetics on Instagram, so maybe she’s holding out hope for a reconciliation, or maybe she’s just not super petty. She seems to be focusing on her debut fashion line, secndnture, and she was just in an episode of Grown-ish. So she seems to be doing just fine, with our without the Kardashians and their exes.
If you live under a rock, you maybe didn’t notice that Kylie and her army of skanks are on a lavish vacation taking promo photos (and really… just kind of bragging) about her wealth and Kylie Skin. Their photos are exactly what you’d expect: extra as f*ck. Of course, they also show Kylie with absolutely insane body proportions. So how does she look like this in photos? My first instinct: surgery. Do you remember that episode of Vanderpump Rules where Billie Lee gets her fat sucked out of her stomach and injected into her ass? I’m gonna say it’s a lot of that. However, these photos are soooo ridiculous anatomically, I’m also going to say PHOTOSHOP. Or Facetune. Most likely a little of both.
So with a photo like this:
There’s a lot that goes into it. First of all, the quality and the colors have to do with this being shot by a professional photographer. As candid and relaxed as these photos seem, you can bet there are full lighting systems and high quality cameras shooting everything. This is why the images are so crisp and the backgrounds really pop. It also helps to be in an extremely beautiful tropical paradise (see second photo). They are also color corrected—meaning, playing up contrast and what colors show, to make the already beautiful scene extra beautiful. You just can’t expect to take photos like this on an iPhone, not even with your Clarendon filter.
But the crazy proportions I would guess are done with a little Photoshop tool called Liquefy. Facetune has a copycat (and more user-friendly) version too. I rarely use Liquefy and I don’t use Facetune, but I also don’t edit people’s bodies this way. The tool also has a major flaw: it takes the background with it. This is how we get warped walls, messed-up backgrounds, etc. You can see in the second photo that the grass cutoff doesn’t even match up on the right-hand side. There are also blurry marks around her stomach and ass. So how easy is this to do? Let me show you.
You go into Photoshop. You go to Filter>Liquefy. And you drag the body where you want it to go.
In this case, I dragged to give Kylie a more realistic body proportion. It can be used both ways. In doing so, you can see that the grass in between her body and hair is even more curved, and by her thigh is completely pixelated. So I can just copy it from the previous photo. And I can stamp the grass line to match.
Total time: 5 seconds.
And I didn’t even take the time to do it carefully. You can see from my other photo edit posts, the more you mess with lines, the blurrier and smudgier the pixels get. Since I edited an already edited photo, it’s even worse now. Look out for this in edited pics always, but keep in mind: if I cared to spend the time, there are ways to do it flawlessly with zero blurring or tells. It just takes longer.
Let’s do the other one. All I’m doing instead of dragging in, is dragging out.
I also gave her back her original lips by using the Liquefy Pucker Tool, just to show you how easy this is to do either way. You can see the background and her right arm got totally warped. So I just erase that out to the original image.
Aside from pixelation from blowing up the image, this looks pretty legit. Which is crazy considering this is NOT even a good edit—I literally just dragged this out. And when you make things smaller, like to give her the tiny waist, it makes it less pixelated, not more.
Total time: 3 seconds.
We can even do the opposite. Let’s make her thinner, bigger ass-ed, and bigger lips. Again, same tool:
See how warped the background got? I just erase it out/stamp from the original image.
Organs? I don’t know them. Obviously, this edit is RIDICULOUS, but I just want to show you how easy this is to do—both ways.
Total time: 8 seconds.
And again, this is Photoshop. It’s even easier in Facetune! How easy, you ask? Well, Instagram @beauty.false is an amazing account to see what influencers and celebrities look like in real life. I love, love, love this account, everyone should follow them. Seriously, you’ll see some sh*t on there that will horrify you to your very core. And they edited a photo in Facetune using this exact method. Take a look (video is second image!):
So, yeah. If you want your photos to look like Kylie’s, you just need: a billion dollars, a photographer following you around with high-end equipment and professional lighting, a lot of surgery/fillers/injections, a trainer/nutritionist/private chef, a tropical vacation, and knowledge of Facetune or Photoshop software. Stars, they’re just like us!
Images: Instagram (@kyliejenner) (2); Instagram (@beauty.false)
I’m a huge fan of a no makeup look, which usually for me consists of translucent powder and eyebrows. Maybe a cheek/lip tint. But it’s mostly no makeup at all. I mean, that’s literally the point of #nomakeup. Not surprisingly, that just isn’t the case for our favorite celebs. A typical no makeup look for them requires falsies, grooming, dermatologists, Photoshop, and of course, a lot more makeup than you would think. Smh. But what can we say? It works! And by that I mean, it successfully convinces impressionable women (and naive men) that these women look camera-ready without a stitch of makeup or enhancements. Because we don’t have enough to worry about as it is… now I have to be concerned with not looking like a model when I wake up with a debilitating hangover? Cool cool cool cool cool…
And in case you have no idea WTF I’m talking about, an example of a no makeup look is like this photo of Kylie for her Kylie Skin brand.
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KYLIE F*CKING SKIN! wow. skincare and makeup go hand in hand and Kylie Skin was something i dreamt up soon after Kylie Cosmetics. I’ve been working on this for what feels like a lifetime so i can’t believe I’m finally announcing! building my makeup line from the ground up has taught me a lot and I’m so blessed with that knowledge to apply to my brand new company! Birthing a whole new team, manufacturing, fulfillment etc separate from my cosmetics line was challenging but here we are! I got the best of the best for you guys! Everything is cruelty free, vegan, gluten free, paraben and sulfate free and suitable for all skintypes. Make sure you follow @kylieskin to stay updated. I’ll be revealing these amazing products very soon! the official launch date is 5/22! Yay!! so much love went into this. it all starts with skin. Stay tuned ? can’t wait to share. #KylieSkin KylieSkin.com
“If only I could look that good without makeup,” you think. No. Stop it right now. How are celebrities actually achieving looks like this? Well… it’s a surprising amount of work. Especially if you’re like me and have no eyes without liner/mascara, and acne, so you can’t just do actual no makeup and look this good. Let’s break down what really goes into photos like these.
To fake a celebrity-scale no makeup look, it’s easier if you don’t have a lot to cover up. That means having an on-point skin care routine, a great dermatologist, and plastic surgery. Like, sorry, but if you have your lips full of fillers, you don’t need as much lipstick. If you plump up your cheeks, you have more of a cheekbone. And getting eyelash extensions takes care of the need for mascara, while still leaving your lashes over-the-top and dramatic. Celebs also have their eyebrows done perfectly. Sooo yeah, it’s a lot easier to look “perfect” when your face is engineered, so don’t take it out on yourself. Just a little reminder that Kylie used to look like this:
Amazingly, a no makeup look requires a lot of… makeup. For this particular picture, Kylie likely has on foundation (perfectly matched, of course), and it looks like they went back and wiped out her freckles to make them look less noticeable. Then, they probably used a glow powder—it’s like a translucent powder, so it absorbs oil, but it catches more light. It’s like a more subtle highlighter but it still hits in the perfect spots (especially under professional lighting), to give you a dewy look but not oily. Laura Mercier makes a great one:
LAURA MERCIER Translucent Loose Setting Powder Glow
Since Kylie already has lash extensions, there is no need for mascara. Lash extensions also are clumped darker/tighter than your real lashes, so it gives the impression of top eyeliner already, which means no liner. I think this was pushed further though, with an eyeshadow that’s slightly darker than her skin tone, and then using an even darker shadow to lightly line the bottom lashes. Then they tightlipped the top lid with black (where the liner just goes right at the lash follicles and no more). It makes her eyes pop. Eyebrows are done the same as always, pencil/cream/shadow and then brushed out to blend. From there, there’s definitely a light contour, blush, more highlighter (even on the lips!), and a lip tint. If you’re going for natural/subtle, I’m really into Milk Makeup’s lip/cheek combo sticks right now.
MILK MAKEUP Lip + Cheek
Of course, there is always a ton of editing in these photos, but especially one that’s being used for an ad. It’s done really well, which is why this photo hasn’t made it in my Photoshop Fail series. No makeup photoshop consists of erasing blemishes, dodge/burning highlights and shadows, and making it so her face is even more contoured, and darkening around the eyes so that they don’t blend in with her skintone. Also, color correction. If they are using a lighter foundation or erasing out for the freckles, they would probably have to go back and clean up any redness/uneven color that happens on real skin. Those would just be my basics.
So as you can see, it’s a lot of work to pull off the casual, flawless, celeb off-duty no makeup look. It’s funny because this seems like a perfect going-to-the-gym sort of face, if you really want to be that girl, but all that makeup on my skin would definitely make me break out once I start sweating. So…. not worth it. I personally don’t have the energy to do this all just to look like I’m NOT wearing makeup. Go big or go home, amiright? Anyway, good luck to you. Post your own no makeup looks below, I’d love to see what your routine is!
Images: Instagram (@kyliejenner) (2); Sephora (2)
Hello friends, welcome to Photoshop Fail of the Week, and another Kardashian/Jenner fail, because THEY ALWAYS GIVE ME MATERIAL. Sorry, it’s just the way it is. Also their edits are sooo unnecessary and so funny. Between the world’s best surgeons, makeup artists, photographers, and trainers, MUST they, MUST THEY continue to edit? They’re all mostly cyborgs at this point and yet a realistic flattering photo is still not good enough? Come on, man.
Today is a super weird edit by definitely not self-made billionaire Kylie Jenner.
She looks gorgeous, that’s for sure. Her makeup is flawless. Whoever did the edit paid attention when they cut her out for the white background. No soft edges like the sad Revolve girl, and they even left details like the hair texture and studs on her dress. Very well done. They definitely, without a doubt, cut into her body, since her shape is a little too far-fetched anatomically IMO, but they did it seamlessly. Her cinched waist goes too far in and the angle is too clean, but at least they cleaned up the rest of it to match. There was some debate about her hand looking too big, but honestly, that is hard to tell, it could just be the angle.
What stands out to me is the airbrushing. This is my biggest complaint with people using Facetune, that slaps on airbrush-esque makeup and just makes everyone look blurry. This photo wasn’t done with Facetune, but it’s the same general problem. People *clap* have *clap* pores *clap*. This is the same argument I’m constantly having with my mother ever since she discovered Facetune. She sends me these scary images of her and my 88-year-old grandmother with no wrinkles, totally blurry, AND with anime eyes. And then she denies that it’s been edited. All of you, stop.
I don’t understand why anyone airbrushes photos, especially professionally taken ones. In fact, when I do photo edits, to make the images look more high res, I actually use a brush to paint pores back in. I get why you wouldn’t want acne or a face full of blackheads, but I promise you this woman is wearing no less than a gallon of foundation so none of that would matter anyway. But the worst part is that they did a sloppy-ass job on the airbrush. What kind of scary robot Barbie is this? She looks like plastic! Cold, shiny, hard plastic!
Her face is so smoothed, but the problem is that makeup and lighting change the color of your face. When you airbrush, you melt these shadows/highlights together. Sooo what happened here is now Kylie’s face looks like three separate color sections, with definitive lines!
It’s like they smeared out her eyeshadow lines too far out to create the first section. Then they spread the lighter color of her cheeks (most likely from undereye concealer) into its own section, creating lines below. You can even see outlines around her eyebrows where they stopped smearing to preserve the hair texture of those. In fact, it looks like they actually cut them out, smeared the rest of the face, and then just pasted them right back on. Her nose is even blurred so badly it almost looks like when we used to take Myspace pics and up the contrast so no one had noses and only occasionally just little nostril dots. Those were dark times.
Also MIA? The skin texture from her lips! Look, her lips look fake already, but making them line-free and completely matte makes her look more like a blowup doll than she already does. Even matte lipstick would have light hitting it, unless Kylie has a new lip kit coming out called “The Black Hole” that no light can penetrate. (TBH, would buy.) But even the lip blurring caused a color change line, where they left her lip creases on the inside. This gives her a common lipstick problem most women get when the inside ring of your lipstick wears off. My friends call it “butthole lips.” I highly doubt Kylie wouldn’t reapply lipstick before the photo shoot, and if she did, this is the kind of thing that is perfectly acceptable to edit in a photo. Instead, they caused it!
They also airbrushed her entire neck, which, unless your neck is stretched, will always have some kind of lines or skin folds. Again, is she plastic? I think she’s plastic. Is this the Madame Tussauds wax museum version? To answer that, let me show you the true masterpiece of the photo:
Kylie’s hands have been airbrushed out so completely, the lines are barely visible. This proves this is really Madame Tussauds Kylie. To me, this was the creepiest, cyborg-iest part of the photo. Hands have lines; why are we pretending they don’t? If you’ve read my sunscreen articles, you know that hands are the first thing to age and are the true giveaway of all celebrity aging. But Kylie is hardly old enough to legally drink at a bar. She probably doesn’t have veiny, bony, wrinkly hands to airbrush anyway. And even if she did? Leave them alone!
Look, it’s Kylie (but with more personality):
Let’s make pores, skin folds, lip lines, and hand creases make a comeback in 2019. It’s a very scary world without them.
Images: Instagram @kyliejenner; Giphy
As much as it physically pains me to admit it (like this is actually giving me heartburn right now), the Kardashians are one of the most famous families in America. Seriously. We have the Trumps and we have the Kardashians, and that about sums up what tourists remember about us. Such a sad little list! But despite the fact that millions of people hate-click on stories about Kim’s ass every day, it seems the Kardashian Klan is having a hard time breaking into, shall we say, high-class culture. Perhaps it’s because they wear neon bike shorts to their local Calabasas coffee shop? Just a guess based on my own personal problems and biases against Kylie Jenner & Co!
I’m presenting this case based on Kylie Jenner’s latest magazine cover for the *iconic* S Moda magazine. That’s right, Forbes’ youngest helped by her family self-made billionaire is officially covering a magazine that you can’t purchase at your local grocery store, based on the fact that it’s in another language, I’m pretty sure they don’t sell it in America. Sorry if you already went to your local newsstand. And this is not the first time Kylie Jenner has posed for a random magazine—in fact, she’s done it quite a few times. So let’s take a look at all the f*cking weird magazines that Kylie has covered, and I hope you’ll enjoy the walk down memory lane to each of Kylie’s former faces as much as I did.
Kylie covered Fault Magazine in 2015, back when I still was clinging to the small hope that this family would be obliterated in an alien invasion. Please take a close look at the cover, because I shrieked “no!” approximately 11 times and spent two hours with my therapist before I was able to accept the fact that this was what Kylie used to look like.
So we all know that’s not the current iteration of Kylie’s nose, hair, lips, or eyebrows, and there are probably many other tweaks I’m missing that my favorite IG plastic surgery accounts could point out for me.
Has anyone ever heard of Fault Magazine? In 2015 Kylie Jenner wasn’t quite the huge name she is today, but this still seems like an odd, and quite frankly, emo, choice for her. Can those of you that Keep Up please let me know if she was ever emo? Fault is described (by Wikipedia, duh) as a magazine that “collaborates with artists in the fashion, film and music industry. It operates its own non-profit magazine as a platform for identifying young creative people of merit”. CREATIVE YOUNG PEOPLE OF MERIT. So like, someone that’s accused of copying the imagery for her brand, as well as copying the makeup for her brand? That kind of merit?
I’m not sure many people saw this magazine cover anyway. When I did my quick Google search intense and unrelenting research into this magazine, I found a broken link to the media kit. I did, however, find the media kit for what I believe to be a sister magazine, B Beyond, and their total print circulation in North and South America is 7,500. So way less people than saw Kim’s sex tape, that’s for sure.
LOVE is a Conde Nast publication that Kylie covered at the end of 2017. In case you were unaware, Conde Nast is so famous, a former employee wrote a revenge fantasy about them called The Devil Wears Prada. I’d call my work revenge fantasy novel And Then I Burned The Place To the Ground, but sure, hers works too. Conde Nast publishes Vogue, Allure, Glamour, W, The New Yorker, Self, and many more magazines you’ve heard of, and, apparently, this rag. According to Wikipedia, LOVE is a bi-annual British style magazine, that once featured Minnie Mouse on the cover. I mean, she is everyone’s favorite female mouse. Well deserved, Minnie!
The circulation of LOVE is around 100,000, so we’re getting slightly closer to the number of people that saw Kim’s sex tape. And Kylie looks a little more like her current self, so two points to LOVE magazine!
AdWeek is a pretty legit publication, but it’s a weird choice. Why is Kylie Jenner covering the second-largest advertising trade publication? Sure, maybe the nerds in their corner office trying to think of a fresh way to market some dumb product want to jerk off to her with their morning coffee, but otherwise what’s the point of this cover?
When Kylie covered AdWeek (circulation 45,000), Kylie Cosmetics had only existed for about a year, and she was only part of the way through the process of becoming a Kim clone. To me, this pairing makes no sense, but I also didn’t spend the time to read the article accompanying this cover because my brain is already too filled up with inane facts about this family, and now there’s no room for me to learn how to do my taxes! I lead a rough life.
Also, please feast your eyes on the outfit they chose for a TRADE PUBLICATION. It’s like no one on Kylie Jenner’s team has ever been to an actual office, so they just assume that all businessmen have the same tastes as Christian Grey.
Guys, Jolie is not in English! So even if you wanted to read about how Kylie is “mastering the business world” or “so real” you would need a translator because this whole thing is in German. How many of you Kylie stans out there speak German?
Jolie is a monthly magazine and Wikipedia (it’s fine, I totally donated), only had stats as recently as 2010, when there were 375,000 copies in circulation. Kendall and Kylie covered the magazine together, and they look about as happy to do this cover as I am to be constantly bombarded with pictures of their pubic bones.
To be fair, in the more recent years Kylie Jenner has covered Interview, Glamour, Allure, and GQ and MY GOD can we stop giving this family magazine covers? I really think that the reason Kylie covered all these random magazines is that, despite how famous she and her family are, they aren’t really taken all that seriously by the mainstream media. Tabloids, sure. But I think everyone feels a little bit icky about how they got famous *insert raised hand emoji*, so they’ve been hesitant to embrace them. But like cockroaches after a nuclear disaster, this family stuck around and is slowly making their way onto legit publications. And luckily for Kylie, Kim finally got enough blackmail on Anna Wintour to get herself on the cover of American Vogue. Looks like the sky’s the limit now!
Images: kyliejenner (4); jolie_redaktion / Instagram