As much as we like to give influencers a hard time, they don’t necessarily have the easiest job in the world. Working freelance is stressful, and if your livelihood depends on creating engaging content that’ll get your followers to buy stuff they don’t need, you have to be on top of your game. Shilling for subscription boxes might not be as important as like, curing cancer, but there is still some skill level involved, and not all sponsored content is created equal. Some influencers work hard to create content that feels authentic and like a natural fit for their brand, while others are happy to throw together an Instagram story for whatever brand cuts them a check, and it shows.
While some influencers have crossed the line into being offensive or making blatantly false claims about products, others are just guilty of being lazy and misleading with their ~content~. In particular, this seems to be an epidemic when it comes to makeup and skin care endorsements, and the results are both hilarious and infuriating. Honestly, the bar is on the floor for these people, and they miss the mark way too often. Even though sales is tough, it’s really not that difficult to actually use a product you’re getting paid a lot of money to endorse and use in a video! Just put the f*cking cream on your face! But no, they can’t even do that. Here are some of the times celebrity influencers were terrible at their jobs, for your viewing pleasure.
This instance is what inspired me to write this article in the first place. On Wednesday, Bachelor Nation’s Hannah Godwin posted a series of Instagram stories about her nighttime skin care routine, highlighting her Ultimate Skin Spa Facial Cleansing System. Hannah didn’t indicate that the post was an ad, but she added a swipe up link, so she wants you to know what product she’s using and appears to be endorsing it. But in the video, it’s painfully obvious that Hannah doesn’t actually put any cleanser on the brush!
and if you don’t use any product, one tube will last forever! pic.twitter.com/H4Tx75ohBj
— Dylan Hafer (@thedylanhafer) November 21, 2019
When I first saw this video, I had to go back and watch it a few times, because I couldn’t even believe how obvious it was. She could have held the brush out of the frame for a second, but no, we can all see that zero product is going onto that brush. It looks like she’s actually letting the brush touch her skin, but even that’s being debated in the comments on Reddit. Hot on the heels of being roasted for her mispronunciation of “gnocchi” (still not over her thinking it’s pronnounced “nosh”), you’d think she’d be a little more careful on her stories, but nope—she’s getting roasted.
While you might expect a cringeworthy skin care video from a former Bachelor contestant, major celebrities make the same exact kind of f*ckups. Case in point: Shay Mitchell. These days, Shay has a brand new show on Hulu and is busy being a first-time mom, but last year she was busy getting dragged for a Bioré ad she did. First, I have to point out that this was literally an ad on Snapchat… oof. I barely use Snapchat anymore, but if this is the kind of content celebrities are posting, clearly I’m not missing much. (Or, like, maybe I am, given how hilariously bad this was?)
Watch the video for yourself, then we’ll talk:
SHE AINT EVEN ACTUALLY RUB HER EYE IM CRYING LMFAOOOO pic.twitter.com/JVbWbg5P1i
— jor ❄️ (@ohjlizzle) September 9, 2018
I’M CRYING. She’s obviously using a filter with some kind of glowing effect, which seems like a weird choice for a makeup remover ad in the first place. But that’s not the real crime here. Shay actually puts the cleansing water on the pad, but there is absolutely no way that thing ever touched her eye. It’s not even close! After one quick swipe, she shows us the pad—covered in mascara and eyeliner—but her eye makeup is 100% untouched. Like, not even a smudge. Shay, come on!! I’m rooting for you, but this is just too damn much.
Millie Bobby Brown
Our next fail, from Stranger Things star Millie Bobby Brown, is really unbelievable. I had no idea that Millie actually has her own skin care line, but it exists, and it’s called florence by mills. It’s wild to me that anyone is taking skin care advice from a 15-year-old, considering everyone I know had horrible acne at that age, but good for her I guess. But what was less good for her was this video she posted of her nighttime skin care routine a couple months ago.
I’m speechless. Two full minutes, and not one drop of those products ever came anywhere near her face. First, she holds the mist bottle approximately a foot and a half away, and then the continually just rubs her dry hands on her dry face, all the while saying things like “applying now!” She might actually put on the lip oil at the end, but who even cares? This is really the work of an actress committed to her craft.
Unsurprisingly, Millie’s followers weren’t impressed with this “skin care routine,” and she got so much backlash that she issued an apology on her Insta feed, hot off the Notes App presses. You all know I love a Notes App apology, and this one doesn’t disappoint. LOL at Millie claiming that the video was only meant to “replicate” her personal process.
Millie Bobby Brown is still fully a child, so I don’t need to be too hard on her, but hopefully she learned her lesson here. If you can’t even commit to using your own products in a video, that’s not exactly going to inspire people to spend money on them.
Last, but never least, we of course have Kylie Jenner. From doing approximately 500 makeup and skin care videos over the past few years, you’d think she would be the best at this kind of thing, but she makes mistakes too, like this video from May where she showed off her new Kylie Skin Foaming Face Wash. In this video, there’s no doubt that Kylie is actually using the product, but the question is whether it actually does anything.
After lathering up her face and rinsing with water, Kylie grabs a towel to dry off her face. But after, you can clearly see that the towel is COVERED IN MAKEUP. Kylie, what??
morning and night 💦 pic.twitter.com/y5jibIxnfM
— Kylie Skin (@kylieskin) May 29, 2019
I haven’t tried any of Kylie’s skin care products, but this video doesn’t make me want to spend money on them. If your face wash leaves your face still caked in foundation, I hate to break it to you, but it doesn’t f*cking work. For a $24 bottle of face wash, I expect a little more.
I don’t always have high expectations for celebrities and influencers promoting products on social media, but I at least want them to physically use the products they’re shilling. Are there other celebs you love to see mess up their endorsements? Please let me know in the comments, because I could watch these people be idiots for days.
No matter what you think about the Kardashians and Jenners, you can’t deny that they throw incredible parties. And by incredible, I mean incredibly over-the-top. In the world of Kylie Jenner and fam, more is more, and there’s nothing Kylie loves more than going all the way (and then some) with a party theme. It’s a shame Kylie never went to college, because she would have taken sorority mixers to the next level.
This Saturday, August 10th, is Kylie Jenner’s 22nd birthday, and she’s off in Europe celebrating on a $250 million yacht, naturally. And that’s after Travis Scott literally filled her entire house with rose petals. This birthday might end up being her most lavish event yet, and that’s saying something. In honor of Kylie’s special day, we’re taking a walk down memory lane to look at some of her most extravagant, over the top, jaw-on-the-floor parties. Get ready to feel poor.
5. Her 21st Birthday
Because Kylie has looked and acted like a 27-year-old for like, seven years, it’s pretty crazy that her 21st birthday was just a year ago. To celebrate finally being legal to drink, Kylie had a predictably lavish party, complete with a giant cake topped with a face-down Barbie. The party also featured a pink ball pit, which was probably deeply unsanitary by the end of the night. Famous guests, in addition to the entire Kardashian fam, included Ashley Benson and Cara Delevingne, as well as Bella Hadid and The Weeknd (RIP.)
Actually, I’m surprised Kylie’s 21st birthday party wasn’t a little more over-the-top, but it didn’t really matter that much, considering she’s been treated like an adult since she was 15. I guess turning 21 somehow seems less important when you have a billion dollars in the bank, not that I would know.
4. The Kylie Skin Launch
2019 has already been a big year for Kylie Jenner parties. After the massive success of Kylie Cosmetics, Kylie branched out into skin care this year, and she celebrated the launch of Kylie Skin with a pink-themed party that was…a lot. Complete with a roller skating rink, a giant magazine cover, and huge bottles of skin products, the Kylie Skin party was also the first place that James Charles was seen after the massive scandal with Tati Westbrook.
The most shocking thing about this party, however, was the food, which looked like the results of a cooking class for kids. Fyre Festival-esque pizza, McDonald’s fries, and packaged ramen noodles are not the kind of menu that I associate with a Kylie party. Still, I’m like, painfully upset that my invite was lost in the mail.
3. The Kylie Skin Trip
Of course, one extravagant event wasn’t enough to mark the launch of Kylie Jenner’s skin care line. And honestly, just staying in LA is way too boring for Kylie. After the party, she took some of her closest influencer friends on an all-expenses-paid trip to Turks & Caicos, complete with a custom private plane, custom coconut cups, custom drinks, and custom dresses and swimsuits. I don’t know how much Kylie Skin she’s selling, but I hope it’s a lot to pay for all this free merch for her friends.
Influencer trips have become common in the last few years, but this sh*t was next level. I mean, you know the trip has to be special to get Sofia Richie actually smile in a photo.
2. The ‘Handmaid’s Tale’ Party
It’s 2019 and Kylie Jenner is hosting a “Handmaid’s Tale” themed birthday party…SIS… pic.twitter.com/hNUTDDyTp4
— cayley (@cayley_plotkin) June 9, 2019
Ah yes, no list of Kylie Jenner parties would be complete without the infamous Handmaid’s Tale party. While Kylie’s insane spending on parties isn’t ever really relatable, per se, she’s never been as out of touch as when she yelled “WELCOME TO GILEAD LADIES, COME GET YOUR OUTFITS.” Somehow June is still alive on the show, but if she wasn’t, she’d be rolling in her grave. I still can’t even believe this happened, tbh. Kylie claims that The Handmaid’s Tale is one of her favorite shows, but I have my doubts that she’s ever actually watched a full episode.
This was also one of three parties that Kylie threw for her BFF Stassie’s birthday, which makes it even more unnecessary. My friends are the type of people who Venmo to the nearest cent, so I’m just looking for someone to throw me one party.
No matter how many crazy parties Kylie has planned, Stormiworld takes the cake in terms of ridiculousness. For her daughter’s first birthday earlier this year, Kylie planned a private version of Travis Scott’s Astroworld tour, and I honestly still have no words to describe it. This party would be way too much for anyone’s birthday, but it’s even worse when you realize that Stormi probably had no idea what was going on, and definitely won’t remember it. The giant inflatable of Stormi’s head is one of the spookiest things I’ve ever seen, but if I have to look at it again, so do you.
What will Kylie Jenner do for her 22nd birthday this weekend to top all of these events? Stay tuned, because I’m sure she’ll come up with something. She was reportedly seen getting on the plane to Europe with a wedding dress, but it seems unlikely that she and Travis will be getting married this weekend, because some family members aren’t there. Wedding or not, I’m sure the party will be amazing and make me want to blow my entire paycheck.
Images: kyliejenner (3), kyliesnapchat / Instagram; Cayley_plotkin / Twitter
If you live under a rock, you maybe didn’t notice that Kylie and her army of skanks are on a lavish vacation taking promo photos (and really… just kind of bragging) about her wealth and Kylie Skin. Their photos are exactly what you’d expect: extra as f*ck. Of course, they also show Kylie with absolutely insane body proportions. So how does she look like this in photos? My first instinct: surgery. Do you remember that episode of Vanderpump Rules where Billie Lee gets her fat sucked out of her stomach and injected into her ass? I’m gonna say it’s a lot of that. However, these photos are soooo ridiculous anatomically, I’m also going to say PHOTOSHOP. Or Facetune. Most likely a little of both.
So with a photo like this:
There’s a lot that goes into it. First of all, the quality and the colors have to do with this being shot by a professional photographer. As candid and relaxed as these photos seem, you can bet there are full lighting systems and high quality cameras shooting everything. This is why the images are so crisp and the backgrounds really pop. It also helps to be in an extremely beautiful tropical paradise (see second photo). They are also color corrected—meaning, playing up contrast and what colors show, to make the already beautiful scene extra beautiful. You just can’t expect to take photos like this on an iPhone, not even with your Clarendon filter.
But the crazy proportions I would guess are done with a little Photoshop tool called Liquefy. Facetune has a copycat (and more user-friendly) version too. I rarely use Liquefy and I don’t use Facetune, but I also don’t edit people’s bodies this way. The tool also has a major flaw: it takes the background with it. This is how we get warped walls, messed-up backgrounds, etc. You can see in the second photo that the grass cutoff doesn’t even match up on the right-hand side. There are also blurry marks around her stomach and ass. So how easy is this to do? Let me show you.
You go into Photoshop. You go to Filter>Liquefy. And you drag the body where you want it to go.
In this case, I dragged to give Kylie a more realistic body proportion. It can be used both ways. In doing so, you can see that the grass in between her body and hair is even more curved, and by her thigh is completely pixelated. So I can just copy it from the previous photo. And I can stamp the grass line to match.
Total time: 5 seconds.
And I didn’t even take the time to do it carefully. You can see from my other photo edit posts, the more you mess with lines, the blurrier and smudgier the pixels get. Since I edited an already edited photo, it’s even worse now. Look out for this in edited pics always, but keep in mind: if I cared to spend the time, there are ways to do it flawlessly with zero blurring or tells. It just takes longer.
Let’s do the other one. All I’m doing instead of dragging in, is dragging out.
I also gave her back her original lips by using the Liquefy Pucker Tool, just to show you how easy this is to do either way. You can see the background and her right arm got totally warped. So I just erase that out to the original image.
Aside from pixelation from blowing up the image, this looks pretty legit. Which is crazy considering this is NOT even a good edit—I literally just dragged this out. And when you make things smaller, like to give her the tiny waist, it makes it less pixelated, not more.
Total time: 3 seconds.
We can even do the opposite. Let’s make her thinner, bigger ass-ed, and bigger lips. Again, same tool:
See how warped the background got? I just erase it out/stamp from the original image.
Organs? I don’t know them. Obviously, this edit is RIDICULOUS, but I just want to show you how easy this is to do—both ways.
Total time: 8 seconds.
And again, this is Photoshop. It’s even easier in Facetune! How easy, you ask? Well, Instagram @beauty.false is an amazing account to see what influencers and celebrities look like in real life. I love, love, love this account, everyone should follow them. Seriously, you’ll see some sh*t on there that will horrify you to your very core. And they edited a photo in Facetune using this exact method. Take a look (video is second image!):
So, yeah. If you want your photos to look like Kylie’s, you just need: a billion dollars, a photographer following you around with high-end equipment and professional lighting, a lot of surgery/fillers/injections, a trainer/nutritionist/private chef, a tropical vacation, and knowledge of Facetune or Photoshop software. Stars, they’re just like us!
Images: Instagram (@kyliejenner) (2); Instagram (@beauty.false)
In the world of influencers on Instagram, it’s hard to believe that anyone really has original ideas anymore. There are only so many different poses you can use for your thirst traps, and at a certain point, it’s all been done. It’s great that we have accounts like Diet Prada calling out when actual creatives like designers and photographers get their work copied, but posing on the beach isn’t a talent.
This week, Kylie Jenner was in Turks & Caicos with some of her closest friendfluencers (yes that’s a new term that I just coined), and the entire trip was extra AF. Kylie’s posted several photos of herself from the trip, but the most talked about one was Kylie, wearing nothing but an enormous sunhat, posing in a courtyard. It’s obviously very revealing, but it’s actually a pretty cool photo.
But, in a truly shocking turn of events, it seems that Kylie Jenner might not be the first person to ever pose naked in a sunhat! Really? How could this be! Everything Kylie does usually seems so innovative and unique! Lol, I crack myself up.
People quickly noticed this comment from influencer Amanda Ensing, who I’ve never heard of, but she has a million followers and is verified. Good for her.
A quick trip over to Amanda’s profile shows that she recently posted this photo of herself in Mexico, where she is—you guessed it—wearing nothing but a giant hat. Well, her hat is considerably less giant than the one Kylie was wearing, but it’s still a big hat. The setting of the two photos is pretty different, but the concept of “naked girl with hat covering face and legs and arms crossed” is undeniably similar. The only real question here is…who cares?
View this post on Instagram
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ she is the perfect example of grace because she is a butterfly with bullet holes in her wings that never regretted learning to fly ? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ • • • • #mexico #travel #summervibes #love #fashion #tulum
Also, shoutout to Amanda for this iconic caption, which wins my award for Instagram Caption Word Salad of the Week. Should I make this a recurring thing? I just might. When I read this beautiful, touching poem about a butterfly with bullet holes, I was immediately reminded of some poetry I wrote in second grade. We definitely have the next Maya Angelou on our hands.
Amanda’s comment on Kylie’s photo did exactly what it was intended to do: get Amanda lots of attention. Time and time again, we see these random creatures of the internet come for the Kardashians with no real intentions other than getting higher engagement on their Instagrams. Remember earlier this year, when total rando Kami Osman accused Kim Kardashian of copying her birthday dress for her Met Gala look? #NotOnMyMoodBoard.
After getting the desired attention, Amanda went into damage control mode, insisting in an unnecessarily long Instagram story that she never meant to come for Kylie.
TL;DR: Oops, I had no idea this would get any attention! I love Kylie! Thanks for all the new followers! Love and light!
Somehow, it’s still so entertaining to me when these basic women use the Kar-Jenners for exposure, and I hope Amanda enjoys it, because we’re definitely never going to hear about her again. Case in point: you probably already forgot Kami Osman’s name, and I literally wrote it like, one paragraph ago.
So, I guess the moral of the story is that anyone can pose naked in a sunhat. On that note, does anyone know where I can get a sunhat that’s bigger than my body?
Images: kyliejenner (3), amandaensing (2) / Instagram
I’m a huge fan of a no makeup look, which usually for me consists of translucent powder and eyebrows. Maybe a cheek/lip tint. But it’s mostly no makeup at all. I mean, that’s literally the point of #nomakeup. Not surprisingly, that just isn’t the case for our favorite celebs. A typical no makeup look for them requires falsies, grooming, dermatologists, Photoshop, and of course, a lot more makeup than you would think. Smh. But what can we say? It works! And by that I mean, it successfully convinces impressionable women (and naive men) that these women look camera-ready without a stitch of makeup or enhancements. Because we don’t have enough to worry about as it is… now I have to be concerned with not looking like a model when I wake up with a debilitating hangover? Cool cool cool cool cool…
And in case you have no idea WTF I’m talking about, an example of a no makeup look is like this photo of Kylie for her Kylie Skin brand.
View this post on Instagram
KYLIE F*CKING SKIN! wow. skincare and makeup go hand in hand and Kylie Skin was something i dreamt up soon after Kylie Cosmetics. I’ve been working on this for what feels like a lifetime so i can’t believe I’m finally announcing! building my makeup line from the ground up has taught me a lot and I’m so blessed with that knowledge to apply to my brand new company! Birthing a whole new team, manufacturing, fulfillment etc separate from my cosmetics line was challenging but here we are! I got the best of the best for you guys! Everything is cruelty free, vegan, gluten free, paraben and sulfate free and suitable for all skintypes. Make sure you follow @kylieskin to stay updated. I’ll be revealing these amazing products very soon! the official launch date is 5/22! Yay!! so much love went into this. it all starts with skin. Stay tuned ? can’t wait to share. #KylieSkin KylieSkin.com
“If only I could look that good without makeup,” you think. No. Stop it right now. How are celebrities actually achieving looks like this? Well… it’s a surprising amount of work. Especially if you’re like me and have no eyes without liner/mascara, and acne, so you can’t just do actual no makeup and look this good. Let’s break down what really goes into photos like these.
To fake a celebrity-scale no makeup look, it’s easier if you don’t have a lot to cover up. That means having an on-point skin care routine, a great dermatologist, and plastic surgery. Like, sorry, but if you have your lips full of fillers, you don’t need as much lipstick. If you plump up your cheeks, you have more of a cheekbone. And getting eyelash extensions takes care of the need for mascara, while still leaving your lashes over-the-top and dramatic. Celebs also have their eyebrows done perfectly. Sooo yeah, it’s a lot easier to look “perfect” when your face is engineered, so don’t take it out on yourself. Just a little reminder that Kylie used to look like this:
Amazingly, a no makeup look requires a lot of… makeup. For this particular picture, Kylie likely has on foundation (perfectly matched, of course), and it looks like they went back and wiped out her freckles to make them look less noticeable. Then, they probably used a glow powder—it’s like a translucent powder, so it absorbs oil, but it catches more light. It’s like a more subtle highlighter but it still hits in the perfect spots (especially under professional lighting), to give you a dewy look but not oily. Laura Mercier makes a great one:
LAURA MERCIER Translucent Loose Setting Powder Glow
Since Kylie already has lash extensions, there is no need for mascara. Lash extensions also are clumped darker/tighter than your real lashes, so it gives the impression of top eyeliner already, which means no liner. I think this was pushed further though, with an eyeshadow that’s slightly darker than her skin tone, and then using an even darker shadow to lightly line the bottom lashes. Then they tightlipped the top lid with black (where the liner just goes right at the lash follicles and no more). It makes her eyes pop. Eyebrows are done the same as always, pencil/cream/shadow and then brushed out to blend. From there, there’s definitely a light contour, blush, more highlighter (even on the lips!), and a lip tint. If you’re going for natural/subtle, I’m really into Milk Makeup’s lip/cheek combo sticks right now.
MILK MAKEUP Lip + Cheek
Of course, there is always a ton of editing in these photos, but especially one that’s being used for an ad. It’s done really well, which is why this photo hasn’t made it in my Photoshop Fail series. No makeup photoshop consists of erasing blemishes, dodge/burning highlights and shadows, and making it so her face is even more contoured, and darkening around the eyes so that they don’t blend in with her skintone. Also, color correction. If they are using a lighter foundation or erasing out for the freckles, they would probably have to go back and clean up any redness/uneven color that happens on real skin. Those would just be my basics.
So as you can see, it’s a lot of work to pull off the casual, flawless, celeb off-duty no makeup look. It’s funny because this seems like a perfect going-to-the-gym sort of face, if you really want to be that girl, but all that makeup on my skin would definitely make me break out once I start sweating. So…. not worth it. I personally don’t have the energy to do this all just to look like I’m NOT wearing makeup. Go big or go home, amiright? Anyway, good luck to you. Post your own no makeup looks below, I’d love to see what your routine is!
Images: Instagram (@kyliejenner) (2); Sephora (2)
The two things I love to hate on most, Kylie Jenner and influencer trips, converged over the weekend when Kylie Jenner posted pictures from her #kylieskinsummertrip. Oh boy *rubs hands together like Bird Man* this is going to get good. I know what you’re thinking (because I was already thinking it), and yes, Kylie Skin already launched, but this trip is to promote a few new products that are launching on July 22—namely, the BODY line. So, there is a reason for the Kylie Skin Summer Trip besides just Kylie Jenner being extra and flaunting her wealth (however flimsy that reason may be).
Me to me: Wait, but doesn’t Kim already have a perfume named Body?
Guess it doesn’t matter. Just goes to show you how original these so-called billionaires are. Anyway! In an Instagram post on Saturday, Kylie posted a video of the new products, writing in the caption, “This summer trio is all about B O D Y ✨ Coconut Body Lotion, Coconut Body Scrub, and our Broad Spectrum SPF 30 Sunscreen Oil. You will fall IN LOVE with these products launching July 22nd along with the restock of our first drop!”
View this post on Instagram
We’re so exited to announce DROP TWO for Kylie Skin! This summer trio is all about B O D Y ✨ Coconut Body Lotion, Coconut Body Scrub, and our Broad Spectrum SPF 30 Sunscreen Oil. You will fall IN LOVE with these products launching July 22nd along with the restock of our first drop! Stay tuned for more details..
My immediate impression of these products was twofold: one, this is some sparse packaging. Like, this looks like the kind of skin care your friends from high school try to hawk on Facebook for $300 a bottle. Two, the term “sunscreen oil” sounds misleading (is it sunscreen or is it tanning oil?), and I would not trust any type of sun protection from Kylie Jenner, a woman who is rocking a year-round tan. A tan is still skin damage, people!
But that’s not why we are here today, friends. We are here because instead of just dropping this sh*t on her website and Instagram or wherever, where it will likely sell out immediately anyway, Kylie Jenner orchestrated her own one-woman Revolve trip to promote these products. Just as fast-fashion apparel companies will invite a bunch of influencers to Turks and Caicos to promote their products, Kylie Jenner invited her friends also to Turks and Caicos to “celebrate” (read: promote) her launch. Along for the ride, according to PEOPLE, are her BFF Stassie Karanikolao (@stassiebaby), Sofia Richie, makeup artist Ariel Tejada, Kylie’s assistant, Victoria Villarroel, her photographer, Amber Asaly, and of course, Stormi.
As we know from the party Kylie threw for Stormi’s first birthday, when Kylie Jenner (or her event planner) put on an event, they put out all the stops. (Must be nice to have unlimited access and funds.) The party started on an actual private jet that Kylie had wrapped with the Kylie Skin logo and branding colors. Casual. There were also flight attendants decked out in matching outfits, in the Kylie Skin pink and white, to greet them at the end of a pink carpet. For Kylie’s sake, I hope those flight attendants were fake, because I’d be concerned that someone in a 1950s pinup wig and skintight dress might have some difficulties saving my life in the event of an emergency.
View this post on Instagram
Everyone also got matching tie-dye sweatsuits, because apparently 2008 is back in a big way. And, it looks like, silk Kylie Skin pillowcases, eye masks, and scrunchies. Kylie also gave everyone a gift bag of Kylie Skin product, as well as pink clothes from Scott Disick’s clothing company. There are even personalized coconuts, but as a person who went to an event that had personalized coconuts, that’s not really that big of a deal. I’d reserve your jealousy for the free tropical vacay and trip on a private jet.
View this post on Instagram
Kylie and friends are apparently staying at a gorgeous mansion with a pool—of course, I would expect nothing less. That brought about this Instagram:
View this post on Instagram
“Hakuna matata”? Easy for you to say, Kylie. I would have no worries too if I was a billionaire.
Basically, this trip is ridiculous and ostentatious, but so is everything that Kylie Jenner does. I know everyone is freaking out about this trip, but I’m like, not that impressed. Not because I can even come close to affording any of this sh*t, but because this is pretty par for the course for Kylie. Honestly, given what we know she is capable of putting off, dare I say, it’s pretty tame? Aside from the wrapped PJ and the coconuts (which I looked up and are not really that expensive, at about $14 per coconut), there’s not that much that’s totally crazy. Yeah, they’re staying in a mansion, but they’d do that at Kylie’s house. I’m just waiting for some huge blowout bash where Kylie like, constructs a club in the shape of a sunscreen bottle (and if she does that, I will be hunting her down for a commission).
View this post on Instagram
I don’t know how long this trip will last, but if you really care, you can follow the #kylieskinsummertrip hashtag on Instagram (but if you do really care that much, might I recommend seeking help?). You can also buy the Kylie BODY products when they launch on July 22. They probably won’t give you Kylie Jenner’s body, but they will give you a lame dad joke so you can tell people you have Kylie’s body—and that’s basically the same thing.
Images: kyliejenner / Instagram
Yesterday was a big day in Kardashian-land, as Khloé Kardashian celebrated her 35th birthday. As is customary for the Kardashians, Khloé’s birthday party was a lavish affair designed to look cool on Instagram, and as usual, I’m mad that my invitation seemed to get lost in the mail. But looking at the party, some things started to seem a little bit familiar. It might just be that I know too much about historic Kardashian parties, but was Khloé’s party theme recycled?
Come with me for a moment while I take a journey back in time. The date was May 21st, 2019 (oky, not that far back in time) and everyone who matters in Calabasas was at the launch party for Kylie Skin. Obviously the entire Kardashian crew was there, along with other VIP guests like Caitlyn Jenner and James Charles. The party was a millennial pink wonderland, complete with a life-size glass magazine cover photobooth and a whole-ass roller rink.
The party was the exact brand of extra that the Kardashians prefer, where every single detail is exactly coordinated, and it probably looks way more fun on Instagram than it is in real life. The food at the party notably looked like reheated crap made in an Easy Bake oven, including French fries, pizza, and ramen noodles (??).
Last night, Khloé documented all the ridiculous things at her birthday party on her Instagram story, and while there were beautiful flowers from Jeff Leatham (who I’m pretty sure is just locked in Kris Jenner’s basement at this point), some of the other stuff basically looked like it came from the Kylie Skin launch.
Exhibit A: This millennial pink room/area/display set up specifically for photos. Every Kardashian party has photo areas or booths, but Khloé specifically thanked “Auntie Kylie” for setting up the pink gym. At Kylie’s party, there was a fake pink bathroom, the pink magazine cover, and an entire wall of pink roller skates. How many pink backgrounds can you pose in front of?
Exhibit B: The food. On KoKo’s story, she specifically showed off some disgusting looking grilled cheese sandwiches with pink cheese. I don’t know why anyone would want to eat this, but Kylie also had pink food at her party. There was sushi with pink rice, as well as fries and other things that came in special pink containers.
Exhibit C: The drinks. Khloé posted a photo of the specialty drink menu at her party, which of course was millennial pink and themed to her. This is suspiciously similar to Kylie’s party, which has specialty coconut blush drinks that were, you guessed it, pink!! Both of these parties were extreme in the dedication to the pink theme, which makes it seem like one of them really should have chosen a different color.
Exhibit D: Their faces. At Khloé’s birthday party, there were paddles with cutouts of her current face. But honestly, at first glance, I really thought it was a photo of Kylie. All of these women are just morphing closer and closer to being the same, and Khloé’s face has been damn near unrecognizable lately. At this rate, Kris Jenner will probably just get some extensions and reuse these for her next birthday, because she’s been looking extra tight lately.
Honestly, who is this woman? It’s spooky how different she looks.
I hope Khloé Kardashian had a great birthday, and of course, I don’t really think any of these decorations at Khloé’s birthday party were literally recycled from Kylie’s skincare launch. That would be far too practical for this family. After all, we can’t forget that Kylie is the one who literally planned an entire music festival for her daughter’s first birthday. But maybe for the next party we can do a green theme, or at least a different shade of pink?
Images: khloekardashian (5), kyliejenner / Instagram
Hello friends, welcome to Photoshop Fail of the Week, and another Kardashian/Jenner fail, because THEY ALWAYS GIVE ME MATERIAL. Sorry, it’s just the way it is. Also their edits are sooo unnecessary and so funny. Between the world’s best surgeons, makeup artists, photographers, and trainers, MUST they, MUST THEY continue to edit? They’re all mostly cyborgs at this point and yet a realistic flattering photo is still not good enough? Come on, man.
Today is a super weird edit by definitely not self-made billionaire Kylie Jenner.
She looks gorgeous, that’s for sure. Her makeup is flawless. Whoever did the edit paid attention when they cut her out for the white background. No soft edges like the sad Revolve girl, and they even left details like the hair texture and studs on her dress. Very well done. They definitely, without a doubt, cut into her body, since her shape is a little too far-fetched anatomically IMO, but they did it seamlessly. Her cinched waist goes too far in and the angle is too clean, but at least they cleaned up the rest of it to match. There was some debate about her hand looking too big, but honestly, that is hard to tell, it could just be the angle.
What stands out to me is the airbrushing. This is my biggest complaint with people using Facetune, that slaps on airbrush-esque makeup and just makes everyone look blurry. This photo wasn’t done with Facetune, but it’s the same general problem. People *clap* have *clap* pores *clap*. This is the same argument I’m constantly having with my mother ever since she discovered Facetune. She sends me these scary images of her and my 88-year-old grandmother with no wrinkles, totally blurry, AND with anime eyes. And then she denies that it’s been edited. All of you, stop.
I don’t understand why anyone airbrushes photos, especially professionally taken ones. In fact, when I do photo edits, to make the images look more high res, I actually use a brush to paint pores back in. I get why you wouldn’t want acne or a face full of blackheads, but I promise you this woman is wearing no less than a gallon of foundation so none of that would matter anyway. But the worst part is that they did a sloppy-ass job on the airbrush. What kind of scary robot Barbie is this? She looks like plastic! Cold, shiny, hard plastic!
Her face is so smoothed, but the problem is that makeup and lighting change the color of your face. When you airbrush, you melt these shadows/highlights together. Sooo what happened here is now Kylie’s face looks like three separate color sections, with definitive lines!
It’s like they smeared out her eyeshadow lines too far out to create the first section. Then they spread the lighter color of her cheeks (most likely from undereye concealer) into its own section, creating lines below. You can even see outlines around her eyebrows where they stopped smearing to preserve the hair texture of those. In fact, it looks like they actually cut them out, smeared the rest of the face, and then just pasted them right back on. Her nose is even blurred so badly it almost looks like when we used to take Myspace pics and up the contrast so no one had noses and only occasionally just little nostril dots. Those were dark times.
Also MIA? The skin texture from her lips! Look, her lips look fake already, but making them line-free and completely matte makes her look more like a blowup doll than she already does. Even matte lipstick would have light hitting it, unless Kylie has a new lip kit coming out called “The Black Hole” that no light can penetrate. (TBH, would buy.) But even the lip blurring caused a color change line, where they left her lip creases on the inside. This gives her a common lipstick problem most women get when the inside ring of your lipstick wears off. My friends call it “butthole lips.” I highly doubt Kylie wouldn’t reapply lipstick before the photo shoot, and if she did, this is the kind of thing that is perfectly acceptable to edit in a photo. Instead, they caused it!
They also airbrushed her entire neck, which, unless your neck is stretched, will always have some kind of lines or skin folds. Again, is she plastic? I think she’s plastic. Is this the Madame Tussauds wax museum version? To answer that, let me show you the true masterpiece of the photo:
Kylie’s hands have been airbrushed out so completely, the lines are barely visible. This proves this is really Madame Tussauds Kylie. To me, this was the creepiest, cyborg-iest part of the photo. Hands have lines; why are we pretending they don’t? If you’ve read my sunscreen articles, you know that hands are the first thing to age and are the true giveaway of all celebrity aging. But Kylie is hardly old enough to legally drink at a bar. She probably doesn’t have veiny, bony, wrinkly hands to airbrush anyway. And even if she did? Leave them alone!
Look, it’s Kylie (but with more personality):
Let’s make pores, skin folds, lip lines, and hand creases make a comeback in 2019. It’s a very scary world without them.
Images: Instagram @kyliejenner; Giphy