The Top Beauty Looks You Need to Try for Spring 2020

Presented by Ulta Beauty

Spring means relief from ice, cold, snow, etc. Unless you live in LA, where weather is just a myth, and then spring just means new trends are upon us! No matter where you live or what your current level of skill is at applying makeup, you can try (and pull off) these spring beauty trends. And even better is that on March 15 (technically still winter for you people on the East Coast), Ulta Beauty is starting their 21 Days of Beauty event, just in time for you to put all these trends to use. The event features daily beauty steals, offering 50% off top makeup and skincare products for one day only. That means you can’t do your indecisive “add to cart and let it sit there collecting dust of a week” thing. If you want to take advantage of the amazing deals Ulta Beauty is offering, you have to act fast. If you want to be the most on top of the spring beauty trends this season, here’s what looks to try, and which products will help you achieve the looks.

Glassy But Classy

Since everything we loved in middle school is back in, glossy lips are back, but this time we’re elevating the look and doing it in a glassy, smooth way (aka no hair stuck in your lip gloss). To try this look out yourself (and make your 7th grade self super jealous), grab a Kylie Cosmetics High Gloss (an Ulta Beauty exclusive) that’s on sale on 3/28, or the Buxom Full On Plumping Lip Cream on 4/2. The key is hydration, not lip superglue, this time around. You can just swipe it on and go!

Kylie Cosmetics High Gloss

Buxom Full-On Plumping Lip Cream

Speaking of hydrating, this also applies to your skin. We want to look fresh-faced and glassy instead of the super matte looks we’ve done for the last 10 years. I’m extremely oily, so THANK GOD, my time has come! But even with my oily skin, serums somehow keep my natural oil under control and give me a glow, as opposed to my natural look which is “greasy pizza”. For life-changing serums, the Mario Badescu Vitamin C Serum is on sale on 3/15 and  the Peach & Lily Glass Skin Serum is on sale exclusively at Ulta Beauty 4/4. Serums are so easy—you just put them on after washing your face but under moisturizers or sunscreens. They make such a difference in your skin’s texture, trust me. 

Mario Badescu Vitamin C Serum

Peach & Lily Glass Skin Serum

Make People Think You Got Microblading & Eyelash Extensions

Lashes are always in, but this season,  it’s more important than ever to have them big and bold. If you’re into falsies, select lashes go on sale on 3/19. Otherwise, a couple swipes of Tarte Maneater Mascara on 4/4 (also exclusive to Ulta Beauty), or Benefit Badgal Bang Mascara on 3/20 will finish off your look. 


Benefit Badgal Bang Mascara

Tarte Maneater Mascara

But since your eyes are the window to your soul or whatever (wouldn’t know, I’ve been told I don’t have a soul), we can’t stop at lashes, and have to give brows some love too. Is there ANYTHING more important than brows right now? The answer is no. And since the razor-thin brows have been out since we all graduated high school, we can grow out our brows but still keep them neat and well-groomed. If you have sparse brows from the days of overplucking, pick up the Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz pencil on 3/15. If you need to keep unruly brows tamed down, try the Benefit Gimme Brow eyebrow gel on 4/4.

Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz pencil

Benefit Gimme Brow eyebrow gel

Bold, Bright Eyes

The best part of spring is how everyone puts away their dark wardrobe in favor of fun, bright colors. Well, now we’re doing that with our makeup colors too. Instead of going dark with your going-out looks, neon is now the way to play. You can do bright eyeshadows (select Lime Crime palettes on sale on 3/24), or lips (select Kylie Cosmetics lipsticks and glosses on 3/28), but unless you’re a very skilled colorist or makeup artist, you probably should not do both at the same time. Think super hot pink lipstick or a bright blue eyeshadow (but not both, lest you look like a clown). Neon is a super fun and modern way to change your look and really easy to pull off well through summer.

Finish off your fun neon eyeshadow with a bold liner that’s a little easier to apply than the traditional cat-eye. Apply it along your top eyelashes and flick it out towards the ends to imply longer lashes. You still get the drama, but it doesn’t take quite the same level of hand-eye coordination. My holy grail favorite eyeliner of all time is Stila Stay All Day Eyeliner, which you can buy on sale on 3/26, or IT Cosmetics Superhero Eyeliner on 3/27.

Stila Stay All Day Eyeliner

IT Cosmetics Superhero Eyeliner

You guys are SO WELCOME for all the savings you’re about to get from Ulta Beauty. Get your credit card ready, because you do not want to miss the 21 Days of Beauty event before it ends on April 4th. Now is the time to spring clean all your old, out-of-style makeup and start fresh with this amazing sale. 

Images: Ulta Beauty

All The Evidence That Kylie And Jordyn Are Working On Their Friendship

It’s been over a month since Jordyn Woods sat down with Jada Pinkett Smith on Red Table Talks, and it looks like Kylie and Jordyn are finally making some progress on repairing their friendship. If you asked me at the beginning of March, I would have bet my first born that these two would never reconcile, but no feud is too great to overcome when ratings and followers are on the line. So far, there hasn’t been any big public outing or declaration of friendship, so it’s tough to know exactly where things stand between the ex-ex-BFFs, but we can still use our powers of social media investigation to figure if Kylie and Jordyn are friends.

The most obvious moves on both sides so far have been about clearing the air and dispelling the notion that anyone here is an enemy. Last week, Kylie made her claims that she didn’t have anything to do with discounting Jordyn’s lip kits in the aftermath of the scandal. Now, I’m not 100% sold on this being true, but in this case, that’s really beside the point. Whether Kylie did it or not, she wants everyone (and especially Jordyn) to think that she didn’t. If Jordan was still Kylie’s public enemy #1, she would have no reason to clear the air about this kind of thing.

.@kyliecosmetics will be having a flash sale on the Kylie x Jordyn Collection. All products buy 1 get 10 free. Everything must go! Use the code “betrayal” for free shipping.

— North West (@norisblackbook) February 20, 2019

Similarly to the lip kit un-drama, Jordyn Woods’ mom, Elizabeth Woods, took to Instagram yesterday to clear up some misconceptions on her daughter’s behalf. She called out people who have been selling Jordyn-themed merch, clarifying that the Woodses are neither authorizing nor profiting from any of it.

View this post on Instagram

We are well aware that many people have been selling merch. If you are aware of any companies selling merchandise and trying to benefit from our situation, please tag them below. We would like for the world to know that we have not authorized any of this and have not profited from any of these sales whatsoever. Thank you for all the support and love #teamigotthis

A post shared by Elizabeth Woods (@elizabethwoods) on

Honestly, the Woods family is probably kicking themselves right now, because I would absolutely spend $48 dollars on an “I don’t need your situation” throw pillow. But, just like with Kylie’s lip kit claims, the whole point of Elizabeth Woods speaking out is to show that there’s no bad blood on their part. Jordyn has basically been apologizing since the beginning, but her mom is reinforcing that they don’t have anything bad to say about the Kardashian-Jenners.

Now that we have all of these subtext-laden statements out of the way, let’s get to the more undercover sh*t. First of all, let’s note that Jordyn and Kylie never unfollowed each other on Instagram, even at the height of the #JordynGate scandal. That’s an important thing to remember, because once you unfollow a friend on Instagram, that’s pretty much the end of the road. Things have been pretty cold in terms of likes and comments between Kylie and Jordyn, but in the past week there have been a couple important developments.

First, we have to talk about Elizabeth Woods again. I’m having trouble deciding if Jordyn’s mom is merely supportive or thirsty AF, but it seems like she means well for the most part. Last week, Kylie posted an adorable photo of her daughter Stormi carrying an Hermès bag that I’m sure costs as much as my rent for a year. Not jealous, you guys, I promise. The photo got millions of likes, as Kylie’s posts usually do, but I’m really only focused on one comment: three heart emojis from none other than Elizabeth Woods. DUN DUN DUN.

What is the meaning of this? Is Elizabeth just loose with the heart emojis when she sees a cute kid on her feed? Or is this some kind of sign that things between her daughter and Kylie are getting better?? Truly, I was left with more questions than answers, but luckily Kylie’s next post provided us with another important piece of evidence. It’s a video of Stormi with her Hermès bag (still not jealous, why would I be jealous?), and it was liked by one…JORDYN WOODS. BUM BUM BUUUUUMMMMM.

So where does this leave us? I’ll be honest and say I really don’t know. On one hand, these social media interactions could be an indicator that Kylie and Jordyn are in a good place, and everyone is ready to move on. But on the other hand, aside from Kylie’s comments about the lip kit discount, things are still looking a little one-sided. Kylie has yet to like or comment on any of Jordyn’s recent posts, and until that starts happening again, it doesn’t really seem like things are fully back to normal.

More than likely, Kylie and Jordyn are going to make us wait six months for the next season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians to see what’s really going on with their friendship, and I’ll be here dutifully waiting until that day. I’ll just keep myself busy roasting POOSH and stalking Kanye’s Sunday Services on Instagram.

Images: Getty Images; @elizabethwoods, @kyliejenner (2) / Instagram; norisblackbook / Twitter

Kylie Jenner Is Saying She Didn’t Discount Jordyn’s Lip Kit On Purpose

While we’re all waiting for the Jordyn Woods and Tristan Thompson scandal to play out on the new season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians it’s also still happening in real life. Kylie Jenner is now saying she had nothing to do with one of the shadier moments of #Jordyngate, and personally, I’m calling bullsh*t.

Back in happier times, Kylie Jenner and Jordyn Woods did a collaboration for Kylie Cosmetics, and in the immediate aftermath of their fallout, the price of the Jordyn Lip Kit was slashed in half. The entire world noticed, and it seemed like one of the most savage things Kylie could have done to her ex-best friend. But now, over a month later, Kylie is coming forward to say that she wasn’t the one behind the discount. Sure, Jan.

When asked by the New York Times about the lip kit discount, Kylie had a lot to say. “That is just not my character. I would never do something like that and when I saw it, I was like, thrown back. Jordyn knows I didn’t actually put it on sale.” I have some thoughts about this. First, is “thrown back” something that people say? I think she’s looking for “taken aback,” or “thrown off,” or even “shook,” but I guess she still has some things to realize. Also, she did actually put it on sale. Even if she wasn’t the one calling the shots, it’s still her company, and the lip kit was obviously on sale.

Kylie’s explanation for the shady-looking discount seems like it could be legit at first glance. She says that her company was in the process of switching from white to black packaging, so all the older stock was getting discounted. If this is true, then why wasn’t, like, half of the website on sale? I’m pretty sure that Jordyn’s lip kit wasn’t magically the only product with white packaging that was left in stock. And if this sale was planned weeks in advance like Kylie claims, then it seems like they could’ve easily just changed the start date to make it less shady. But they clearly wanted to be shady!!

kylie cosmetics slashing the prices on the Jordyn lip kit is the only level of petty allowed

— ??‍♂️⭐️RAVE NYMPH⭐️??‍♂️ (@acaiprincess) February 23, 2019

Interestingly enough, Jordyn’s lip kit has now been restored to the full, original price. This is probably the clearest piece of evidence that Kylie Jenner wanted to be a messy bitch, but then felt bad. If Kylie Cosmetics was actually so desperate to get rid of all this white packaging, there’s no reason that they would be raising prices. If anything, this sh*t would be getting cheaper and cheaper. As someone who has worked retail, I know that if I want something that’s on sale, it’s almost always smart to wait a week or two for the price to drop even more. Either Kylie is really bad at running a store, or she’s really bad at lying about not being shady.

So now that Kylie Jenner and Jordyn Woods are reportedly working on repairing their friendship, you can buy a Jordyn Lip Kit for the original price of $27. I’m so happy that these two are mending their relationship, and making more money in the process!

Images: Shutterstock; BuzzFeed; @acaiprincess / Twitter

Kylie Jenner Is Releasing A Todd Kraines Lip Kit

If you have ever seen Keeping Up With The Kardashians, you know there is only one good thing Scott Disick has ever brought into the world (sorry Mason, Penelope, and Reign). Before Lord Disick took to babysitting teenage girls, he created one of the best pranks ever. For actual years, he would call Kris Jenner and pretend to be Kardashian family friend Todd Kraines, but like, a super creepy, squawky version of him. If you are not immediately thinking to yourself, “It’s me! It’s Todd Kraines!” then I need you to stop what you are doing and go watch a Youtube clip of it or something. The Todd Kraines prank was the only redeemable thing about Scott’s screen time, which otherwise was just him whining about how hard is life is while wearing $7,000 shoes. Seven seasons later, Kylie Jenner has finally decided to honor the best prank of her lifetime (I mean, she’s like 12 years old so it’s kind of a small sample size but whatever), by naming her new lip kit after it. That’s right, Kylie made a Todd Kraines lip kit.

Take a look at the Todd Kraines lip kit below.

View this post on Instagram

AUNTIE KRIS, IT’S ME! Introducing TODD KRAINES ❤️ A little surprise to celebrate @krisjenner’s birthday… our new special-edition lip kit, Todd Kraines, drops Nov 5 ????

A post shared by Kylie Cosmetics (@kyliecosmetics) on

This new Todd Kraines lip kit is a gorgeous peachy nude, so combined with the comedy gold that is the name, this lip kit is probably going to sell out immediately. Sorry. I wonder how the real Todd Kraines feels about this? Is he salty that they’re sort of making fun of him? Does he like, get royalties?

Oh look, he’s stoked:

View this post on Instagram

TK for ya lips – @kyliecosmetics – thx Kylie.

A post shared by Todd Kraines (@tkraines) on

The special edition Todd Kraines lip kit launches on November 5 at 3pm PST, so if you want to get your hands on the lip kit named after the most important member of the Kardashian family, set your alarms now.

Images: Shutterstock; kyliecosmetics, tkraines / Instagram; Giphy

Kylie Jenner Is Already Exploiting Her Baby For Money

Well, that didn’t take long at all. Kylie Jenner gave birth less than a month ago, and she’s already using the glory of motherhood to make some cold hard cash. Many of us were fooled into thinking motherhood had changed Kylie since she kept her pregnancy a secret and didn’t use it as a sponsorship opportunity like we would’ve expected, but we were wrong. Earlier this week, Kylie’s new makeup collection was unveiled: the Weather Collection.  It’s meant to be an homage to her newborn daughter Stormi, and we’re sure the little girl really appreciates being pimped out to sell some lipstick. We live in a society of capitalism, and no child is too young to be exploited for extra income.

Let’s take a look at what Kylie’s new makeup collection has to offer.  There are three new matte lipstick shades guaranteed to make your lips chapped, one of which is black (relatable!), and the other two are just nude. Like, they’re just fucking nude. There are two palettes (eyeshadow and pressed powder), creatively titled Eye of the Storm and Calm Before the Storm. Is it coming across that this is all weather themed? There’s also some “ultra reflective” glitter lip gloss in there if you’re really tryna party like it’s 1999. Kylie has really pulled out all the stops for the Weather Collection, and it can probably all be yours for like $200 or something.

Two days to go! #WeatherCollection launches 02/28 at 3pm pst ⚡️????

A post shared by Kylie Cosmetics (@kyliecosmetics) on

While I understand that Kylie is a businesswoman just trying to rule the world before she turns 21, it does seem a little fucked up to blatantly make money off an infant. Like, Stormi hasn’t even tried solid food and she’s having glitter eyeshadow named after her. Not to mention, Kylie’s new makeup collection was clearly in the works way before Stormi was born, so for her to act like she was soooo inspired by being a mom is a little fake. You know she’s had this shit on her vision board for at least nine months, so it’s basically like when Taylor Swift still acts surprised to win an award.

I’d also like to point out that Kylie, who just declared a week ago that she was done with Snapchat, is a big fucking liar. On Sunday, she had no less than 11 snaps on her story, most of which were about the Weather Collection. Sorry Snapchat, but Kylie Jenner is that fuckgirl who ruins your life but then acts like you mean the world to her.

Kylie’s new makeup collection drops on Wednesday, and we don’t have ESPN or anything, but there’s at least a 30% chance that it’s going to sell out instantly. Kylie Jenner fans are crazy enough that they will spend their parents’ hard-earned money on bright yellow eyeshadow, and even I have to applaud that kind of loyalty.

Images: Shutterstock; @kyliejenner / Instagram; Giphy (2)

8 Drugstore Lip Products That Are Better Than Kylie Jenner’s Lip Kits

Nothing says more about my personality than a dark, vampy lip. I mean, do  I own other lip colors? Yes. But do those other colors accurately describe my cold, dead heart? Fuckkk no. That’s not to say that I don’t buy a shit ton of lip products in every shade of the rainbow. I will buy anything that any celebrity only slightly endorses because I am a garbage human. And while I do love throwing my hard earned money at people who make millions of dollars by taking selfies for Instagram with, like, a bottle of Sugar Bear Hair somewhere in a very corner of the frame *cough* KYLIE *cough*, I also value being able to eat and afford rent. So for those of you who want to look good AND avoid living in a cardboard box, here are 8 lip products that are better than Kylie Lip Kits (a bold statement, I know).


It’s a hard world out there for a girl working with the lips she was born with. Take it from me, someone who is 100 percent silicone- and filler-free, and also someone who does not have Instagram sponsors lining up for me to pimp out their products. Coincidence? I don’t fucking think so. So thank god for Soap & Glory’s Sexy Mother Pucker Lip Gloss. We’ve repped this shit before but that’s because it fucking works. I’m not saying using this product will give you an Instagram ad endorsement deal, but I’m also saying it won’t give you an Instagram ad endorsement deal. Seriously. It won’t. But it will make your lips rival somewhat resemble that of a Kardashian’s and that’s really all I ask for in this life.

Soap & Glory Sexy Mother Pucker


There’s not a lot that can outlast me when I’m blackout except maybe the texts I sent my ex last night. But Rimmel London’s Provocalips 16 Hour Kiss Proof Lipcolor certainly gives me and my bad decision-making skills a run for my money. This shit could last through a nuclear bomb or, conversely, six vodka sodas, a drunken makeout session with the bro I matched with on Bumble, and an unattractive amount of Joe’s Pizza. Give or take. What it won’t outlast? A night in your bed. Expect to wake up with this shit all over your face but, hey, at least you have flawless lips in your Insta story.

Rimmel Kiss Proof



NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream is the beauty product that I can only imagine keeps Kris Jenner up at night. Literally everyone is saying that this shit is just like Kylie’s Lip Kits, but instead of risking your life at a pop-up shop or camping out in front of your laptop to spend the rest of your rent check on blue fucking lipstick that you will never ever wear, you can grab a tube of NYX for a cool $5.99 at any local CVS or Ulta or whatever. Idk if you can fake that kind of good publicity, Kris.

Seriously though, this product is winning at life and that’s why it’s the best matte and lip cream. It’s got highly pigmented colors and a long-lasting finish, plus it glides on better than Demario sliding into Rachel’s DMs. Sorry, Kylizzle, you may not want to cross sex tape off your list of potential business ventures just yet.

NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream


A few weeks ago someone was feeling v nostalgic at The W and gave Paris Hilton a voice to tell everyone that not only did she create the Kardashians but also literally everything we like wearing. According to Paris the ‘90s trend is officially over and the ‘00s are back in. So I guess I’ll just go dig my Juicy tracksuit out of storage now. Can someone please tell the very condescending girl at Plato’s Closet that this was never out of style to begin with?? But now that the ‘00s are back and better than ever so too is lip gloss and you definitely need to try L’Oréal Paris Infallible 6HR Never-Fail Lip Gloss. At $11 is v cheap and it’ll low-key make you look like Rachel Lindsay on night one of The Bachelorette before she started wondering why she put being a lawyer on hold in favor of being courted by a grown man who refers to himself as “whaboom.”

L'Oreal Paris Infallible gHR Never-Fail Lip Floss


Leave it to a model to come up with the best nudes. And just to clarify, I’m not talking about the kind of nudes they’re sending Leo rn in an attempt to become his next serious girlfriend a girl he’ll date until she ages out turns 25. I’m talking about lip shades. And if you thought I wouldn’t make a joke about models and nudes because that’s kind of seemed like low-hanging fruit just there, then you don’t know me at all. ANYWAY, Rimmel London’s Kate Moss Nude Collection is the best in the game if you’re looking for a nude lip color. It has a semi-matte finish, but it’s also v hydrating and you’ll find your perfect shade every goddamn time.

Kate Moss Rimmel London Nudes


If you know anything about me it’s that my transformation from office professional to Happy Hour Hoe is something that should legit be listed under the “skills” section of my resume. And E.L.F Day to Night Lipstick Duo is def being added to that transformation process ASAP. It’s a dual-ended lipstick, with one end a work appropriate day shade and the other end a bolder color for night time shenanigans. The velvety satin formula is enriched with Shea and Vitamins A, C, and E to keep your lips nourished and hydrated throughout all the shit you’re bound to put them through. But I care less about that and more about the fact that I can buy two lip products for the price of one because I’m just a cheap asshole at heart.

ELF Day To Night Lipstick Duo

HONORABLE MENTION: Milani Color Statement Lipstick

You’ll recognize this product because it looks sketchy AF and, even though online it says it costs $5.99, I swear I’ve never paid more than $2 for this shit. Whether that’s from me and my great bargaining skills with the cashier at CVS or because this product is legit never marked at full price is neither here nor there. Just know that Milani will save your life work in a pinch and plus they have sooo many dark wine colors that speak to my soul.


Milani Color Statement Lipstick

Read: 5 Lip Colors You Should Never Wear
Here’s The Proof Kylie Jenner’s Pregnancy Is A Hoax

Sgt. Olivia Betchson, Senior Conspiracy Theorist here. I’ve been covering this Kardashian pregnancy fiasco since day one—okay, day two because day one was during Rosh Hashanah and I was celebrating the Jewish New Year with my family, persecute me—and I’ve always said that I do not for one second believe that Kylie Jenner is pregnant. Is part of that just willful thinking because I love Travis Scott’s music and think he’s too talented to be tied to Kylie Jenner for the next 18 years and suffer the Kardashian Kurse? Yes, definitely. But it’s also because I just cannot believe that Kris Jenner would allow this to happen. At first the rumors seemed like a pretty obvious ploy for ratings for the Kardashian 10th anniversary special. But as the special came and went and we heard no word from Kylie’s camp Kris, it seemed more and more likely that Kylie was, in fact, pregnant. But now, I have pretty definitive proof as to why Kylie has yet to deny the rumors: Kylie is releasing five new lip kit colors for fall. And boom goes the dynamite.

Yes, I did just insinuate that Kylie is keeping false pregnancy rumors afloat for the sole purpose of selling lip kits. Don’t act like she, or any member of the Kardashian family, is not above that. And my position is only strengthened when you look at these so-called “new” lip kit colors. Check ’em out.

Kylie Cosmetics

The colors are, from left to right: Autumn, a muted coral; Libra, a light, almost white pink (Kylie, how dare you blaspheme my zodiac sign for this monstrosity of a color); Butternut, look with your pretty little eyes; Hazel, also self-evident; and Wicked, this bright-ass purple. And the reason I say that these colors support the theory that this is all a publicity stunt is because LOOK AT THEM. You’ve got, from right to left this time:

1. A crazy purple color that nobody in their right mind would drop $30 on to wear once on Halloween

Kylie Wicked

(P.S. If you’re not horrified by this lip color, you should buy Colourpop’s Zipper or Guess—they’re basically the same shit and only will have you out $5 when you put it on and realize you look kinda crazy.)

2. A color that’s basically one shade slightly off from every other nude lip kit (I would know, I own at least 3)

Kylie Hazel Lip Kit

3. This unfortunate event that makes you look diseased

Kylie Butternut Lip Kit

Like, that’s what my lips look like right after I puke, why would I willingly slather that all over my lips? Somebody kindly let me know.

4. This color, which you cannot tell me ISN’T a repackaged lip kit from the KKW Beauty x Kylie Cosmetics collab. Seriously, here’s Libra:

Kylie Libra Lip Kit

And here’s a promo photo from Kylie and Kim’s lip kit collaboration.

KKW x Kylie Lip Kit Collab

IT’S A SCAM. And finally, we have…

5. The poor man’s Brown Sugar, aka Autumn. Again, for reference, here are Kylie and Jordyn wearing Autum:

Kylie Autumn Lip Kit

And here we have the Brown Sugar swatch.

Kylie Cosmetics Brown Sugar

What more proof do you need that this whole pregnancy was made up to sell bad lip kit colors nobody would otherwise buy unless they felt like they were helping out an almost-teen mom? None, I say. None. I rest my case and will be awaiting my Pulitzer Prize for investigatory journalism.

Kylie Jenner Has Been Lying To All Of Us About Her Lip Kits

I may be a professional Kylie Jenner hater, but damn do I love me some lip kits. They come in cute colors (and some not-so cute colors—lookin’ at you, Skylie). They stay on for-fucking-ever. They’re pretty good quality for the price, even if the liner never does sharpen back to its original pointy-ness. But no more. I, Sgt. Olivia Betchson (my real name) will never again purchase a Kylie Lip Kit because of a new discovery that proves Kylie’s been deceiving us, her loyal fans paying customers, this entire time. Strap on your fucking seat belts, because this scandal is bigger than Fyre Festival. Possibly even bigger than Watergate. Are you ready?

Kylie doesn’t use her arm for her swatches. That’s right, every time you’ve seen a new Instagram or Snapchat announcing Kylie’s new colors with those famous swatches all the way down her arm? IT WASN’T KYLIE’S ARM. The betrayal. The humanity! You think you know a person and their arm, and then you find out you’ve been totally played the entire time. How can I trust a makeup product when that product’s own founder won’t test it on their skin? And is that why all the lip kits I ordered after that buy one, get one half off sale looked way darker in person than they looked in the swatches? IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE?!


I know what you’re thinking, because I’m thinking it too: Can I get a refund? Then whose arm is it?? Her housekeeper. “She has the best arm for swatches,” Kylie says. What does that mean? Does she have the perfect complexion that’s somehow translatable to all skin tones? A completely hairless arm? Not even! “She’s so nice and just sits there and has her arm ready and lets me do my thing.” So… all it takes to be Kylie’s arm swatch model is the ability to sit still for the length of time it takes to make a Snapchat—about 10 seconds. Good to know… *furiously updates resume*

I think I’m not at all overreacting when I say that if Kylie’s willing to deceive us about who’s modeling her swatches, what else is she lying to us about? Can we really trust her or her makeup products ever again? Truthfully, you all do what you want, but personally? I’m not ready to get hurt again. I’ll be boycotting all of Kylie’s products until future notice. This has everything to do with this lip kit revelation, and nothing to do with the fact that I’m currently broke.