If there’s one thing we know about the Kardashians, besides the fact that they can turn anything into money, it’s that they always find a reason to throw a party. This week, Kylie and her BFF Stassie Karanikolaou (can’t she just be Stassie K?) got matching Lasik eye surgery, which is apparently a thing now, and decided to celebrate by wearing really weird latex dresses decorated with eyeballs. I’m all for finding reasons to party, but I’m still kind of confused. I have matching friendship necklaces with my BFF, and other more hardcore BFFs I know have matching tattoos they already regret. But matching Lasik eye surgery? I don’t get it. Well, whatever, I guess there are things billionaire BFFs understand that we regulars don’t. Maybe if Kylie had the surgery a year ago, she would’ve seen Jordyn Woods’ betrayal coming. Oh, that’s not how Lasik works? Never mind.
Obviously, Stassie documented the whole surgery, so that the world knows she has officially taken Jordyn’s place as Kylie’s number one BFF and will never give it back. She posted a pointless video of her and Kylie sitting in the chairs of the operating room right after surgery where Kylie’s eyes are closed. Aww, poor Kylie is trying to rise and shine, but is just too exhausted. You knew that was coming. If I don’t make a joke about Kylie trying to rise and shine, who will? Oh right, the entire rest of the internet.
At the follow-up doctor’s appointment, the girls learn that they have 20/15 vision (better than 20/20), which I didn’t know was a thing, but good for them. Maybe now they can see the wonky lines when they’re Facetuning their photos. Hopefully they don’t experience any of the negative Lasik side effects, which can include burning and even temporary blindness. How will Kylie be able to tell apart her lip kit shades if she loses her vision??
Anyway, the BFFs threw a party to celebrate the birth of their newly-perfect eyesight (yes you read that correctly). They took videos of themselves in the bathroom mirror wearing tight pink latex dresses, which I still can’t get over.
Does nobody else think it’s ridiculous to get matching eye surgery and then throw a party for their sight’s birthday? You can even hear Kylie in the background yelling, “My sight has been born; it’s my f*cking birthday.” Wait, so if the eyebrow hair I plucked last week grows back, has it been born, too? Does that mean I can throw a party? Ugh, the amount of money these girls have to waste is literally my dream. I don’t know for sure, but my theory is that Kylie and Stassie get other secret surgeries together all the time (like boob jobs and lipo and belly button reconstruction) and just decided to share this one because they can get away with calling it “medical” rather than solely cosmetic.
Apparently, friends who do Lasik eye surgery together, stay together! Unless Stassie fucks it up like Jordyn did. In which case, a different BFF will swoop in and Kylie will have to figure out another way to mark their friendship. Matching beach houses in the Hamptons, maybe? Matching puppies? Matching toenails? Whatever it is, you can bet your bottom dollar Kylie will throw a party for it.
Images: Shutterstock; kyliesnapchat / Instagram
No matter what you think about the Kardashians and Jenners, you can’t deny that they throw incredible parties. And by incredible, I mean incredibly over-the-top. In the world of Kylie Jenner and fam, more is more, and there’s nothing Kylie loves more than going all the way (and then some) with a party theme. It’s a shame Kylie never went to college, because she would have taken sorority mixers to the next level.
This Saturday, August 10th, is Kylie Jenner’s 22nd birthday, and she’s off in Europe celebrating on a $250 million yacht, naturally. And that’s after Travis Scott literally filled her entire house with rose petals. This birthday might end up being her most lavish event yet, and that’s saying something. In honor of Kylie’s special day, we’re taking a walk down memory lane to look at some of her most extravagant, over the top, jaw-on-the-floor parties. Get ready to feel poor.
5. Her 21st Birthday
Because Kylie has looked and acted like a 27-year-old for like, seven years, it’s pretty crazy that her 21st birthday was just a year ago. To celebrate finally being legal to drink, Kylie had a predictably lavish party, complete with a giant cake topped with a face-down Barbie. The party also featured a pink ball pit, which was probably deeply unsanitary by the end of the night. Famous guests, in addition to the entire Kardashian fam, included Ashley Benson and Cara Delevingne, as well as Bella Hadid and The Weeknd (RIP.)
Actually, I’m surprised Kylie’s 21st birthday party wasn’t a little more over-the-top, but it didn’t really matter that much, considering she’s been treated like an adult since she was 15. I guess turning 21 somehow seems less important when you have a billion dollars in the bank, not that I would know.
4. The Kylie Skin Launch
2019 has already been a big year for Kylie Jenner parties. After the massive success of Kylie Cosmetics, Kylie branched out into skin care this year, and she celebrated the launch of Kylie Skin with a pink-themed party that was…a lot. Complete with a roller skating rink, a giant magazine cover, and huge bottles of skin products, the Kylie Skin party was also the first place that James Charles was seen after the massive scandal with Tati Westbrook.
The most shocking thing about this party, however, was the food, which looked like the results of a cooking class for kids. Fyre Festival-esque pizza, McDonald’s fries, and packaged ramen noodles are not the kind of menu that I associate with a Kylie party. Still, I’m like, painfully upset that my invite was lost in the mail.
3. The Kylie Skin Trip
Of course, one extravagant event wasn’t enough to mark the launch of Kylie Jenner’s skin care line. And honestly, just staying in LA is way too boring for Kylie. After the party, she took some of her closest influencer friends on an all-expenses-paid trip to Turks & Caicos, complete with a custom private plane, custom coconut cups, custom drinks, and custom dresses and swimsuits. I don’t know how much Kylie Skin she’s selling, but I hope it’s a lot to pay for all this free merch for her friends.
Influencer trips have become common in the last few years, but this sh*t was next level. I mean, you know the trip has to be special to get Sofia Richie actually smile in a photo.
2. The ‘Handmaid’s Tale’ Party
It’s 2019 and Kylie Jenner is hosting a “Handmaid’s Tale” themed birthday party…SIS… pic.twitter.com/hNUTDDyTp4
— cayley (@cayley_plotkin) June 9, 2019
Ah yes, no list of Kylie Jenner parties would be complete without the infamous Handmaid’s Tale party. While Kylie’s insane spending on parties isn’t ever really relatable, per se, she’s never been as out of touch as when she yelled “WELCOME TO GILEAD LADIES, COME GET YOUR OUTFITS.” Somehow June is still alive on the show, but if she wasn’t, she’d be rolling in her grave. I still can’t even believe this happened, tbh. Kylie claims that The Handmaid’s Tale is one of her favorite shows, but I have my doubts that she’s ever actually watched a full episode.
This was also one of three parties that Kylie threw for her BFF Stassie’s birthday, which makes it even more unnecessary. My friends are the type of people who Venmo to the nearest cent, so I’m just looking for someone to throw me one party.
No matter how many crazy parties Kylie has planned, Stormiworld takes the cake in terms of ridiculousness. For her daughter’s first birthday earlier this year, Kylie planned a private version of Travis Scott’s Astroworld tour, and I honestly still have no words to describe it. This party would be way too much for anyone’s birthday, but it’s even worse when you realize that Stormi probably had no idea what was going on, and definitely won’t remember it. The giant inflatable of Stormi’s head is one of the spookiest things I’ve ever seen, but if I have to look at it again, so do you.
What will Kylie Jenner do for her 22nd birthday this weekend to top all of these events? Stay tuned, because I’m sure she’ll come up with something. She was reportedly seen getting on the plane to Europe with a wedding dress, but it seems unlikely that she and Travis will be getting married this weekend, because some family members aren’t there. Wedding or not, I’m sure the party will be amazing and make me want to blow my entire paycheck.
Images: kyliejenner (3), kyliesnapchat / Instagram; Cayley_plotkin / Twitter