Kylie Jenner’s Most Insane Parties Ranked By Extraness

No matter what you think about the Kardashians and Jenners, you can’t deny that they throw incredible parties. And by incredible, I mean incredibly over-the-top. In the world of Kylie Jenner and fam, more is more, and there’s nothing Kylie loves more than going all the way (and then some) with a party theme. It’s a shame Kylie never went to college, because she would have taken sorority mixers to the next level.

This Saturday, August 10th, is Kylie Jenner’s 22nd birthday, and she’s off in Europe celebrating on a $250 million yacht, naturally. And that’s after Travis Scott literally filled her entire house with rose petals. This birthday might end up being her most lavish event yet, and that’s saying something. In honor of Kylie’s special day, we’re taking a walk down memory lane to look at some of her most extravagant, over the top, jaw-on-the-floor parties. Get ready to feel poor.

5. Her 21st Birthday

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kylie’s birthday cake????

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Because Kylie has looked and acted like a 27-year-old for like, seven years, it’s pretty crazy that her 21st birthday was just a year ago. To celebrate finally being legal to drink, Kylie had a predictably lavish party, complete with a giant cake topped with a face-down Barbie. The party also featured a pink ball pit, which was probably deeply unsanitary by the end of the night. Famous guests, in addition to the entire Kardashian fam, included Ashley Benson and Cara Delevingne, as well as Bella Hadid and The Weeknd (RIP.)

Actually, I’m surprised Kylie’s 21st birthday party wasn’t a little more over-the-top, but  it didn’t really matter that much, considering she’s been treated like an adult since she was 15. I guess turning 21 somehow seems less important when you have a billion dollars in the bank, not that I would know.

4. The Kylie Skin Launch

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family over everything ? don’t know what I’d do without these strong beautiful women in my life.

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2019 has already been a big year for Kylie Jenner parties. After the massive success of Kylie Cosmetics, Kylie branched out into skin care this year, and she celebrated the launch of Kylie Skin with a pink-themed party that was…a lot. Complete with a roller skating rink, a giant magazine cover, and huge bottles of skin products, the Kylie Skin party was also the first place that James Charles was seen after the massive scandal with Tati Westbrook.

The most shocking thing about this party, however, was the food, which looked like the results of a cooking class for kids. Fyre Festival-esque pizza, McDonald’s fries, and packaged ramen noodles are not the kind of menu that I associate with a Kylie party. Still, I’m like, painfully upset that my invite was lost in the mail.

3. The Kylie Skin Trip

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Let the adventures begin!! #KylieSkinSummerTrip ???

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Of course, one extravagant event wasn’t enough to mark the launch of Kylie Jenner’s skin care line. And honestly, just staying in LA is way too boring for Kylie. After the party, she took some of her closest influencer friends on an all-expenses-paid trip to Turks & Caicos, complete with a custom private plane, custom coconut cups, custom drinks, and custom dresses and swimsuits. I don’t know how much Kylie Skin she’s selling, but I hope it’s a lot to pay for all this free merch for her friends.

Influencer trips have become common in the last few years, but this sh*t was next level. I mean, you know the trip has to be special to get Sofia Richie actually smile in a photo.

2. The ‘Handmaid’s Tale’ Party

Ah yes, no list of Kylie Jenner parties would be complete without the infamous Handmaid’s Tale party. While Kylie’s insane spending on parties isn’t ever really relatable, per se, she’s never been as out of touch as when she yelled “WELCOME TO GILEAD LADIES, COME GET YOUR OUTFITS.” Somehow June is still alive on the show, but if she wasn’t, she’d be rolling in her grave. I still can’t even believe this happened, tbh. Kylie claims that The Handmaid’s Tale is one of her favorite shows, but I have my doubts that she’s ever actually watched a full episode.

This was also one of three parties that Kylie threw for her BFF Stassie’s birthday, which makes it even more unnecessary. My friends are the type of people who Venmo to the nearest cent, so I’m just looking for someone to throw me one party.

1. Stormiworld

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i dreamed about this party and then drew it up on paper room by room and @mindyweiss really made my vision come to life!!! thank you Mindy and team! this party was magical ✨?♥️

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No matter how many crazy parties Kylie has planned, Stormiworld takes the cake in terms of ridiculousness. For her daughter’s first birthday earlier this year, Kylie planned a private version of Travis Scott’s Astroworld tour, and I honestly still have no words to describe it. This party would be way too much for anyone’s birthday, but it’s even worse when you realize that Stormi probably had no idea what was going on, and definitely won’t remember it. The giant inflatable of Stormi’s head is one of the spookiest things I’ve ever seen, but if I have to look at it again, so do you.

What will Kylie Jenner do for her 22nd birthday this weekend to top all of these events? Stay tuned, because I’m sure she’ll come up with something. She was reportedly seen getting on the plane to Europe with a wedding dress, but it seems unlikely that she and Travis will be getting married this weekend, because some family members aren’t there. Wedding or not, I’m sure the party will be amazing and make me want to blow my entire paycheck.

Images: kyliejenner (3), kyliesnapchat / Instagram; Cayley_plotkin / Twitter

Do The Kardashians Drink? An Investigation

It’s a momentous day in Kardashian-Jenner history. Kylie Jenner, creator of lip kits and center of the self-made billionaire controversy, is finally 21 years old. Happy birthday! I’ll be honest, last week when I got the assignment to write this story, I was in disbelief that Kylie wasn’t 21 yet. Like, I knew she was young, but considering that she’s already bought houses and starred in TV shows and launched an empire and had a baby and gotten lip fillers and then had them removed, it’s pretty shocking that she’s just old enough to legally drink as of today. With Kylie finally being old enough to order a glass of wine at dinner, it got me thinking—do the Kardashians drink? For the most part, they’ve avoided any sort of reputation as big partiers, but this question warrants a little bit of a deep dive.

Khloé

Okay, this is probably the easiest one to figure out. In 2016, KoKo hosted her own talkshow that was literally called Kocktails with Khloé. If it wasn’t clear, the entire premise of the show revolved around Khloé getting drunk with her celebrity guests, so it’s safe to say that she enjoys an adult beverage. The show was canceled after just eight episodes, but while she was promoting it, Khloé gave Us Weekly an interview with a lot of helpful info about her family’s drinking habits.

Khloé likes shots, which makes a lot of sense. “Like, I don’t care to just have a glass of wine. No, I want to get f*cking buzzed or drunk. That’s the point…It’s like, I’m normally good, but when I’m ready, I’m going to drink my vodka or shots. I’m going to drink.” My favorite part of the interview is when Khloé says about her and her sisters “We’ve never had problems or rehab stints or this or that.” Um, that’s great, but isn’t she forgetting about the time she literally went to jail because of a DUI? Pretty sure that was documented on a hit television show, but who am I, a fact checker?

Kim

Kim Kardashian does not drink. Wow, am I doing something wrong in my life? In that interview, Khloé said that “Kimberly does not drink alcohol whatsoever. Pregnant or not, she’s just never been into it.” Okay, first, I LOVE when they call her Kimberly. I have no idea why, it just makes me happy. This story gets even better. Last year, Kim went on Watch What Happens Live! and shared the crazy story of why she doesn’t really drink. Apparently, when she was literally 14 years old, her dad taught her to drive so she could be Kourtney’s designated driver and go to parties with her. Um, WHAT? “I felt this responsibility of driving everyone. And everyone would take advantage of me, and I would be the designated driver. And they would literally only have me hang out just to drive everyone home.” Okay, so it is definitely illegal for a 14-year-old to drive a car, and Kim’s dad was literally a lawyer! I am so, so confused by this story, but I guess it’s great that Kourtney wasn’t driving drunk? This family is wild.

Kourtney

As you could guess from that iconic designated driver story, Kourtney isn’t afraid to have a good time. Khloé said that Kourtney partied in college and still enjoyed drinking up until when she had kids. Khloé says that Kourt basically doesn’t drink anymore since having kids (and becoming a low-key health freak), “but during Christmas Eve when we’re having a party, she still has, like, a glass of champagne.” Okay, if I ever have kids, please force tequila shots into my hand, because I refuse to become this boring.

Kris

Unsurprisingly, Kris Jenner has the drinking habits that sound the most appealing to me. What can I say, I’m basically a grandma. Kris drinks a glass of wine every single night, which is like, very good for your health. In 2016, she said in an interview “I like to have a glass of wine at 6. What 60-year-old woman wouldn’t?” What did we do to deserve Kris Jenner? I’m not sure, but she is my idol.

Kendall & Kylie

When Khloé gave this interview two years ago, Kendall and Kylie were just 20 and 18, respectively. That’s below the legal drinking age, but when has that ever stopped anyone? At the time, Khloé said that Kendall and Kylie were not into drinking, specifically saying that Kendall is “really focused and determined.” Yeah, because a glass of wine really ruins your determination in life? Whatever.

For what it’s worth, about a year ago, Kylie told BuzzFeed in an interview that she had literally never had a sip of alcohol in her life. She actually specifically said she’s excited for her 21st birthday because she’s never tried it. “I feel like that’s fun. You know, I’ve never had a drink before so I just wanna know what it’s like.” Okay, wow. Good for her I guess, but if I were a literal billionaire I would probably be wasted on Dom Perignon at all times. I guess this year she’ll be, like, realizing stuff about mixing liquors and drinking on an empty stomach. Mazel!

Happy birthday Kylie, you’ve come a long way from that 9-year-old pole dancing at your mom’s party. Enjoy your (literal) first sip of alcohol! Please report back on your experiences, and let us know when you have your first hangover. It’s all downhill from here.

Images: Giphy (3)

The Complete Evolution Of Kylie Jenner’s Lips

Today is Kylie Jenner’s 21st birthday, which just makes me feel old. Kylie has been in the spotlight since she was nine years old, and her transformation over the last few years especially has been crazy to watch. It’s one thing to watch a little kid get older, but Kylie has basically looked like a 25-year-old since she was 16. From extreme contouring to her world-famous lip fillers, watching her face morph over the past few years has been a serious trip. Join me for a walk down memory lane, as I examine some important milestones of Kylie Jenner’s facial journey. Lol, my facial journey is just going from having bad skin to having, like, slightly less bad skin. Why am I not famous and/or rich?

January 2014

Our journey today begins way back in January 2014, when Kylie was just a 16-year-old kid. She had obviously been famous for many years by this point, but this is when she really began to transform into the young woman that she is today. In this photo, she’s wearing a lot of makeup and has already started working on her famous pout, but I’m pretty sure there’s nothing artificial in her face yet. Simpler times…

Oh hellooo

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April 2014

This is one of the last photos on Kylie’s Instagram where she actually looks young. Like, I don’t know exactly what happened around the summer of 2014, but I have a feeling it involves a needle and some hyaluronic acid and some swelling, bruising, and soreness. But in this pic, Kylie still looks like kind of a normal teenager, albeit who’s wearing a lot of makeup and way too many necklaces. I don’t know who the other girl in this picture is, so RIP to one of the many Kardashian acquaintances lost to time.

dont we look like we are having such a fun time at coachella

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June 2014

Did anyone else forget that Kylie went through an emo girl flannel phase? She looks like every MySpace girl in my ninth grade class, except with professional contouring and lip fillers. Oh yeah, she has lip fillers now, surprise! Her lips definitely look bigger, but they still at least seem normal on her face. Gotta love the green hair, truly a classic Kylie look of yesteryear.

mornin

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December 2014

Kylie is only 17 in this photo, which is just truly wild. Her lips look even more huge than before, and she also looks abnormally tan. Maybe it’s the lighting, maybe it’s too much self-tanner Also, please note the caption about her rocking her Kylie Hair Kouture extensions, which is a true gem of 2014 culture. Is it just me, or does she look a little like Ariel Winter here?

Just changed my #KylieHairKouture extensions to my jet back 20″ clip ins 🙂 link in my bio

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September 2015

This video is dumb. You don’t have to watch it, I promise. Instead, just appreciate the glory that is this preview thumbnail. Kylie has no makeup on, and she looks like a Real Housewife who just came from a stay at “the spa.” Her skin has that waxy look of having some sort of treatment done, and dear god, her lips. It seriously looks like the doctor just injected her three minutes prior. This was back when Kylie was still claiming her lips were natural, which was comical even back then.

running on no sleep man. I’m so excited for tomorrow!

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June 2016

In this photo, Kylie had clearly been neglecting the fillers in her top lip. The bottom lip looks like a wonderful, soft pillow, but the top lip looks sad and deflated. Someone needs a little top-up on her Restylane!

????

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October 2016

Oh good, the top lip is looking nice and full again. I’m actually a big fan of this pink hair on her, and the makeup is great, but her lips just look stupid. Like, why did we ever think this was a good look?

????

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May 2017

Circa May 2017, Kylie was still going strong with the lip injections. This was just a few months before she got pregnant, which is a major turning point in the history of Kylie’s lips and American history. With the long, straight black hair, Kylie really looks so much like Kim it’s scary. This is a great look for her honestly, especially with the toned-down makeup. Ugh, she’s so pretty.

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July 2018

So Kylie took out all the fillers, huh? Yeah, I’m not sure I really buy that. She made major headlines earlier this summer by claiming that all her fillers are gone, but these just don’t look like her natural lips. I definitely believe that she stopped getting injected while she was pregnant (which is smart, because acid-based fillers haven’t been tested on pregnant women), but I have a feeling Kylie has been hitting the needle again recently. Maybe I’m wrong, but a lip kit billionaire with small lips just doesn’t check out.

max AC at all times!! p.s. playing with my new bday collection ????

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So happy birthday, Kylie! We can’t wait to see what you and your lips will do next.

Images: @kyliejenner / Instagram (9)