Kylie’s Billionaire Status Is As Fake As Her Lips, According To New ‘Forbes’ Report

Remember back in 2018, when we all laughed at Forbes calling Kylie Jenner a self-made billionaire? Well, nearly two years later, they’re finally changing their tune on Kylie, but oddly enough, the “self-made” part isn’t the issue. On Friday, Forbes published a scathing article, titled “Inside Kylie Jenner’s Web Of Lies—And Why She’s No Longer A Billionaire”. Grab the popcorn and make yourself some tea, because things are about to get savage.

When Forbes made their billionaire claim about Kylie Jenner in 2018, it was based off an estimated $900 million valuation of Kylie Cosmetics, which at the time was reportedly 100% owned by Kylie. Kylie’s billionaire status became official last fall, when she sold 51% of Kylie Cosmetics to Coty in a deal that valued the brand at $1.2 billion. But the new Forbes report is a damning look into false reporting, forged documents, and a level of thirst that’s almost beyond comprehension, until you remember which family we’re dealing with here.

Kylie launched her initial line of lip kits in 2015, and there’s no question that the business was an instant success. Products sold out instantly, new lines were added, and Kylie Cosmetics quickly became a cultural force. And that’s when the thirst started. Soon after Kim Kardashian West got her own Forbes cover in 2016, “Jenner publicists began a campaign to ‘get a Forbes cover for Kylie.'” This campaign included meetings at Kris Jenner’s house and accountants’ offices, and the family handed over tax returns that were, literally, hard to believe. According to the documents, Kylie Cosmetics brought in over $300 million in revenue in its first full year of business, and Kylie had a personal income of $110 million, which would have put Kylie at number two on Forbes’ Celebrity 100 list of Hollywood’s top earners. But Forbes, along with “a handful of analysts and industry experts,” “found the numbers implausible.”

Forbes ultimately decided on a lower, more reasonable estimate for Kylie’s personal income. They pegged her income at a lowly $41 million, which saw her bumped from number two on the Celebrity 100 list, all the way to 59th place. According to the new report, Kris Jenner’s PR team told Forbes that they were “so frustrated” with Kylie’s placement on the list, because “we’ve done so much.” I can only imagine how hard that must have been for them, wow.

While the people at Forbes never really believed those numbers from 2016, and even go so far as to suggest that the tax returns were forged, they later became public, and were widely reported as fact. Projections for Kylie Cosmetics’ future skyrocketed, and the hype continued to grow. The next year, the Jenners reported to Forbes that revenue in 2017 had increased t0 $330 million, and these numbers apparently seemed legit enough to Forbes, or maybe they just got sick of Kris calling and showing up unannounced at their offices, because they finally gave Kylie her coveted cover. The magazine estimated her personal net worth at $900 million, which meant she would soon become, as we’ve all heard, the youngest self-made billionaire ever.

After a year and a half of sucking up to Forbes, the Kardashian-Jenners were obviously thrilled with the cover, and staff at Kylie’s 21st birthday party even wore shirts with the cover printed on them. Aside from the obvious eye-roll at calling Kylie “self-made,” many people were also still skeptical about her designation as a billionaire. But those concerns were seemingly put to rest by the Coty deal, which seemed to cement her billionaire status.

But many people suspected Coty had overpaid for their stake in the company, and when taking a closer look at the deal, holes start to appear. Too bad these ones can’t be filled with Restylane! Filings from Coty report that sales of Kylie Cosmetics products totaled $177 million in the 12 months before the deal, and were just $125 million in 2018. This is a far cry from the $300+ million that Kylie and fam had previously bragged about, and that wasn’t the only discrepancy. Kylie’s team told Forbes that Kylie Skin did $100 million in sales in the first month and a half, but the Coty filings show that the company’s sales were only $25 million for all of 2019. These numbers are so much smaller than the ones previously reported, that Forbes sees only two possible options. Either the numbers from Kylie’s team were never real to begin with, or Kylie Cosmetics went from $300 million in 2016, to just $125 million two years later. There’s no real evidence that business has dropped that sharply, so the only logical conclusion is that Kylie was lying to Forbes all along. Honestly, fitting for a company that was built on the lie that Kylie was just over-lining her lips .

The Forbes report also raises some questions about Kylie Jenner’s ownership stake in Kylie Cosmetics. It’s long been reported that Kylie was previously the sole owner of her brand, so it would be assumed that she now, after selling the majority stake, she owns 49%. But Coty’s purchase agreement “lists a ‘KMJ 2018 Irrevocable Trust,’ controlled by Kristen M. Jenner, as owning a profit interest in Kylie Cosmetics. Upon the sale, the document says the trust would get a capital, or ownership, interest in the company.” In Kardashian speak: if you know anything about Kris Jenner, it’s that she never forgets to take her 10 percent. So basically, when Kylie cashed out of her company, 10 percent of the money went into this trust which is almost definitely controlled by Kris, which means Kylie actually only owns 44.1% of her company.

I’m not into math, but all of this means that Kylie Jenner doesn’t have as much money as we previously thought. In fact, these new findings are drastic enough that, when combined with the economic situation created by the pandemic, Forbes has decided that Kylie Jenner is no longer a billionaire. Considering all the factors, Forbes says that there’s “no way to realistically peg Kylie’s net worth above a billion.” For someone who basically turned her Forbes cover into a personality, this has got to sting.

After the Forbes article went up on Friday morning, Kylie Jenner wasted no time before making her thoughts known. She posted a tweet bashing Forbes for their “inaccurate statements and unproven assumptions,” saying that she’s “never asked for any title or tried to lie my way there.” She also called out the suggestion that Forbes was shown fake tax returns, pointing out that the only “proof” offered in the article is that Forbes didn’t believe the numbers. I’ll admit, I’m wondering about that as well, but I don’t automatically believe Kylie, either.

In a subsequent tweet, Kylie seemed to insinuate that we and Forbes shouldn’t be talking about how much money she has when there are so many more important things going on. Which is funny coming from her, because back when the issue came out in July 2018, she was all too happy to post about the cover on multiple platforms just so people could fixate on how much money she had. Convenient that she wants to have it both ways. To her credit, Kylie did post on Instagram about George Floyd’s murder, but she also posted about getting an influencer package for the new Despicable Me movie on the same day.

So Kylie may not be a billionaire anymore, but before you start setting up a GoFundMe for Kylie’s living expenses, don’t worry, Forbes still estimates that she’s worth $900 million. If that number is right, then it’s only a matter of time before she gets reinstated in the billionaires club, but I have a feeling Forbes won’t be celebrating her achievements the second time around. Personally, I’d like to hear more about the allegedly forged tax returns, and I have a feeling the IRS might be interested in those as well. We all know Kris Jenner loves a good publicity stunt, and I’m sure a tax fraud trial would send those KUWTK ratings through the roof!

Images: Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com; kyliejenner / Twitter

Kylie Jenner Sold Her Majority Stake In Kylie Cosmetics & Here’s What That Means

Good news, everyone! The world’s richest 21-year-old just got even richer. Just when you thought the buzz around Kylie Jenner had finally waned post-“Rise and Shine” popularity, Kris Jenner thrusted her youngest into the spotlight again. Early this morning, TMZ reported that the beauty mogul had sold 51% of her $1.2 billion empire to Coty. What does $1.2 billion even look like? At some point, being rich must just feel like a game of monopoly. Only, instead of passing go and collecting $200, Kylie is collecting a cool $600 million for a little over half of her beauty empire. Must. Be. Nice.

The announcement comes just in time for the drop of her Holiday ‘19 collection, which hits digital stands tomorrow, November 19, at the very random time of 3pm PST. Perhaps the timing is coincidental, but if I know anything about the Jenners, nothing is ever a coincidence. This partnership gives the brand a little extra buzz while Kylie posts previews of her new collection on her Instagram story. 

 

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Holiday ‘19 is here 🎅🏼♥️.. This beautiful collection launches November 19th 3pm pst only on KylieCosmetics.com 💋

A post shared by Kylie ♥️ (@kyliejenner) on

Outside of her deal with Ulta, Kylie’s products are largely exclusive to her site. Even what she sells on Ulta is exclusive to the store. Coty’s majority share could mean an end to all of this exclusivity, and the potential for lower prices. For some Kylie stans, this news prompts panic about what this could mean for the popular beauty brand’s future.

Coty is going to do to @kyliecosmetics what they did to Philosophy. Quantity not Quality anymore.

— DIANNE (@onceatweeter) November 18, 2019

Selling majority ownership of her cosmetics company was dumb as hell. Now when, not if, the quality of the product goes down, she has no say. She’s just the face

— Sara (@StarOne1979) November 18, 2019

I personally was hoping that giving up majority stake of Kylie Cosmetics meant she was turning her attention to her budding “Rise and Shine” business, but that is unfortunately not the case here. Kylie will retain creative control and continue to lead the brand’s communications initiatives. While this likely means that the brand’s identity, which is basically Kylie’s identity I guess, will remain intact, it does not necessarily guarantee that the quality of the products will remain the same, nor the commitment to current business practices. Then again, Kylie’s beauty empire is hugely successful at the moment, so I’d guess that the likelihood of any big overhauls or changes is nil for the foreseeable future. 

This move makes a lot of sense if you’re Coty, which owns brands like CoverGirl, Clairol, and OPI, because one, Kylie Cosmetics is hugely successful. Two, Kylie and influencers like her have completely upended the way the beauty business does, well, business, by making social media king when it comes to branding and sales. Fans of the beauty line will also likely benefit from the deal, as Coty intends to expand Kylie Cosmetics and Kylie Skin into more retailers, making it easier to access digitally and in stores. 

Please, we need retailers! Custom fees are super expensive for us international costumers. Every other brand has retailers nowadays 😔

— Alice (@impensiusuror) November 16, 2019

Kylie also has a lot to gain from the deal, as Coty has the man power and the experience to help her expand the brand internationally. In other words, Kylie will be laughing all the way to the bank as  this deal likely means even more money rolling in as the partnership progresses. As for me, I’m going to go look at my student loan statement and cry, while I patiently wait for the day that Kris Jenner adopts me into her absurdly wealthy empire. I’d even change my name to a weather pattern if need be—call me, Kris!

Images: Shutterstock.com; impensiusuror, StarOne1979 / Twitter; kyliecosmetics / Instagram

Kylie Jenner’s Most Insane Parties Ranked By Extraness

No matter what you think about the Kardashians and Jenners, you can’t deny that they throw incredible parties. And by incredible, I mean incredibly over-the-top. In the world of Kylie Jenner and fam, more is more, and there’s nothing Kylie loves more than going all the way (and then some) with a party theme. It’s a shame Kylie never went to college, because she would have taken sorority mixers to the next level.

This Saturday, August 10th, is Kylie Jenner’s 22nd birthday, and she’s off in Europe celebrating on a $250 million yacht, naturally. And that’s after Travis Scott literally filled her entire house with rose petals. This birthday might end up being her most lavish event yet, and that’s saying something. In honor of Kylie’s special day, we’re taking a walk down memory lane to look at some of her most extravagant, over the top, jaw-on-the-floor parties. Get ready to feel poor.

5. Her 21st Birthday

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kylie’s birthday cake????

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Because Kylie has looked and acted like a 27-year-old for like, seven years, it’s pretty crazy that her 21st birthday was just a year ago. To celebrate finally being legal to drink, Kylie had a predictably lavish party, complete with a giant cake topped with a face-down Barbie. The party also featured a pink ball pit, which was probably deeply unsanitary by the end of the night. Famous guests, in addition to the entire Kardashian fam, included Ashley Benson and Cara Delevingne, as well as Bella Hadid and The Weeknd (RIP.)

Actually, I’m surprised Kylie’s 21st birthday party wasn’t a little more over-the-top, but  it didn’t really matter that much, considering she’s been treated like an adult since she was 15. I guess turning 21 somehow seems less important when you have a billion dollars in the bank, not that I would know.

4. The Kylie Skin Launch

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family over everything ? don’t know what I’d do without these strong beautiful women in my life.

A post shared by Kylie ✨ (@kyliejenner) on

2019 has already been a big year for Kylie Jenner parties. After the massive success of Kylie Cosmetics, Kylie branched out into skin care this year, and she celebrated the launch of Kylie Skin with a pink-themed party that was…a lot. Complete with a roller skating rink, a giant magazine cover, and huge bottles of skin products, the Kylie Skin party was also the first place that James Charles was seen after the massive scandal with Tati Westbrook.

The most shocking thing about this party, however, was the food, which looked like the results of a cooking class for kids. Fyre Festival-esque pizza, McDonald’s fries, and packaged ramen noodles are not the kind of menu that I associate with a Kylie party. Still, I’m like, painfully upset that my invite was lost in the mail.

3. The Kylie Skin Trip

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Let the adventures begin!! #KylieSkinSummerTrip ???

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Of course, one extravagant event wasn’t enough to mark the launch of Kylie Jenner’s skin care line. And honestly, just staying in LA is way too boring for Kylie. After the party, she took some of her closest influencer friends on an all-expenses-paid trip to Turks & Caicos, complete with a custom private plane, custom coconut cups, custom drinks, and custom dresses and swimsuits. I don’t know how much Kylie Skin she’s selling, but I hope it’s a lot to pay for all this free merch for her friends.

Influencer trips have become common in the last few years, but this sh*t was next level. I mean, you know the trip has to be special to get Sofia Richie actually smile in a photo.

2. The ‘Handmaid’s Tale’ Party

It’s 2019 and Kylie Jenner is hosting a “Handmaid’s Tale” themed birthday party…SIS… pic.twitter.com/hNUTDDyTp4

— cayley (@cayley_plotkin) June 9, 2019

Ah yes, no list of Kylie Jenner parties would be complete without the infamous Handmaid’s Tale party. While Kylie’s insane spending on parties isn’t ever really relatable, per se, she’s never been as out of touch as when she yelled “WELCOME TO GILEAD LADIES, COME GET YOUR OUTFITS.” Somehow June is still alive on the show, but if she wasn’t, she’d be rolling in her grave. I still can’t even believe this happened, tbh. Kylie claims that The Handmaid’s Tale is one of her favorite shows, but I have my doubts that she’s ever actually watched a full episode.

This was also one of three parties that Kylie threw for her BFF Stassie’s birthday, which makes it even more unnecessary. My friends are the type of people who Venmo to the nearest cent, so I’m just looking for someone to throw me one party.

1. Stormiworld

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i dreamed about this party and then drew it up on paper room by room and @mindyweiss really made my vision come to life!!! thank you Mindy and team! this party was magical ✨?♥️

A post shared by Kylie ✨ (@kyliejenner) on

No matter how many crazy parties Kylie has planned, Stormiworld takes the cake in terms of ridiculousness. For her daughter’s first birthday earlier this year, Kylie planned a private version of Travis Scott’s Astroworld tour, and I honestly still have no words to describe it. This party would be way too much for anyone’s birthday, but it’s even worse when you realize that Stormi probably had no idea what was going on, and definitely won’t remember it. The giant inflatable of Stormi’s head is one of the spookiest things I’ve ever seen, but if I have to look at it again, so do you.

What will Kylie Jenner do for her 22nd birthday this weekend to top all of these events? Stay tuned, because I’m sure she’ll come up with something. She was reportedly seen getting on the plane to Europe with a wedding dress, but it seems unlikely that she and Travis will be getting married this weekend, because some family members aren’t there. Wedding or not, I’m sure the party will be amazing and make me want to blow my entire paycheck.

Images: kyliejenner (3), kyliesnapchat / Instagram; Cayley_plotkin / Twitter

Khloé’s Birthday Party Looked Like Kylie’s Leftovers

Yesterday was a big day in Kardashian-land, as Khloé Kardashian celebrated her 35th birthday. As is customary for the Kardashians, Khloé’s birthday party was a lavish affair designed to look cool on Instagram, and as usual, I’m mad that my invitation seemed to get lost in the mail. But looking at the party, some things started to seem a little bit familiar. It might just be that I know too much about historic Kardashian parties, but was Khloé’s party theme recycled?

Come with me for a moment while I take a journey back in time. The date was May 21st, 2019 (oky, not that far back in time) and everyone who matters in Calabasas was at the launch party for Kylie Skin. Obviously the entire Kardashian crew was there, along with other VIP guests like Caitlyn Jenner and James Charles. The party was a millennial pink wonderland, complete with a life-size glass magazine cover photobooth and a whole-ass roller rink.

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Another magical Kylie Party brought to life by @mindyweiss & team. Thank you for always bringing my visions to life so beautifully. Last night was SO MUCH FUN! Omg the best night with the best people. Thank you God ? so so blessed. @kylieskin

A post shared by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on

The party was the exact brand of extra that the Kardashians prefer, where every single detail is exactly coordinated, and it probably looks way more fun on Instagram than it is in real life. The food at the party notably looked like reheated crap made in an Easy Bake oven, including French fries, pizza, and ramen noodles (??).

Last night, Khloé documented all the ridiculous things at her birthday party on her Instagram story, and while there were beautiful flowers from Jeff Leatham (who I’m pretty sure is just locked in Kris Jenner’s basement at this point), some of the other stuff basically looked like it came from the Kylie Skin launch.

Exhibit A: This millennial pink room/area/display set up specifically for photos. Every Kardashian party has photo areas or booths, but Khloé specifically thanked “Auntie Kylie” for setting up the pink gym. At Kylie’s party, there was a fake pink bathroom, the pink magazine cover, and an entire wall of pink roller skates. How many pink backgrounds can you pose in front of?

Exhibit B: The food. On KoKo’s story, she specifically showed off some disgusting looking grilled cheese sandwiches with pink cheese. I don’t know why anyone would want to eat this, but Kylie also had pink food at her party. There was sushi with pink rice, as well as fries and other things that came in special pink containers.

Exhibit C: The drinks. Khloé posted a photo of the specialty drink menu at her party, which of course was millennial pink and themed to her. This is suspiciously similar to Kylie’s party, which has specialty coconut blush drinks that were, you guessed it, pink!! Both of these parties were extreme in the dedication to the pink theme, which makes it seem like one of them really should have chosen a different color.

Exhibit D: Their faces. At Khloé’s birthday party, there were paddles with cutouts of her current face. But honestly, at first glance, I really thought it was a photo of Kylie. All of these women are just morphing closer and closer to being the same, and Khloé’s face has been damn near unrecognizable lately. At this rate, Kris Jenner will probably just get some extensions and reuse these for her next birthday, because she’s been looking extra tight lately.

Honestly, who is this woman? It’s spooky how different she looks.

I hope Khloé Kardashian had a great birthday, and of course, I don’t really think any of these decorations at Khloé’s birthday party were literally recycled from Kylie’s skincare launch. That would be far too practical for this family. After all, we can’t forget that Kylie is the one who literally planned an entire music festival for her daughter’s first birthday. But maybe for the next party we can do a green theme, or at least a different shade of pink?

Images: khloekardashian (5), kyliejenner / Instagram

Photoshop Fail Of The Week: Cold, Shiny, Hard Plastic

Hello friends, welcome to Photoshop Fail of the Week, and another Kardashian/Jenner fail, because THEY ALWAYS GIVE ME MATERIAL. Sorry, it’s just the way it is. Also their edits are sooo unnecessary and so funny. Between the world’s best surgeons, makeup artists, photographers, and trainers, MUST they, MUST THEY continue to edit? They’re all mostly cyborgs at this point and yet a realistic flattering photo is still not good enough? Come on, man.

Today is a super weird edit by definitely not self-made billionaire Kylie Jenner.

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@s_moda ?

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She looks gorgeous, that’s for sure. Her makeup is flawless. Whoever did the edit paid attention when they cut her out for the white background. No soft edges like the sad Revolve girl, and they even left details like the hair texture and studs on her dress. Very well done. They definitely, without a doubt, cut into her body, since her shape is a little too far-fetched anatomically IMO, but they did it seamlessly. Her cinched waist goes too far in and the angle is too clean, but at least they cleaned up the rest of it to match. There was some debate about her hand looking too big, but honestly, that is hard to tell, it could just be the angle.

What stands out to me is the airbrushing. This is my biggest complaint with people using Facetune, that slaps on airbrush-esque makeup and just makes everyone look blurry. This photo wasn’t done with Facetune, but it’s the same general problem. People *clap* have *clap* pores *clap*. This is the same argument I’m constantly having with my mother ever since she discovered Facetune. She sends me these scary images of her and my 88-year-old grandmother with no wrinkles, totally blurry, AND with anime eyes. And then she denies that it’s been edited. All of you, stop.

I don’t understand why anyone airbrushes photos, especially professionally taken ones. In fact, when I do photo edits, to make the images look more high res, I actually use a brush to paint pores back in. I get why you wouldn’t want acne or a face full of blackheads, but I promise you this woman is wearing no less than a gallon of foundation so none of that would matter anyway. But the worst part is that they did a sloppy-ass job on the airbrush. What kind of scary robot Barbie is this? She looks like plastic! Cold, shiny, hard plastic!

Her face is so smoothed, but the problem is that makeup and lighting change the color of your face. When you airbrush, you melt these shadows/highlights together. Sooo what happened here is now Kylie’s face looks like three separate color sections, with definitive lines!

It’s like they smeared out her eyeshadow lines too far out to create the first section. Then they spread the lighter color of her cheeks (most likely from undereye concealer) into its own section, creating lines below. You can even see outlines around her eyebrows where they stopped smearing to preserve the hair texture of those. In fact, it looks like they actually cut them out, smeared the rest of the face, and then just pasted them right back on. Her nose is even blurred so badly it almost looks like when we used to take Myspace pics and up the contrast so no one had noses and only occasionally just little nostril dots. Those were dark times.

Also MIA? The skin texture from her lips! Look, her lips look fake already, but making them line-free and completely matte makes her look more like a blowup doll than she already does. Even matte lipstick would have light hitting it, unless Kylie has a new lip kit coming out called “The Black Hole” that no light can penetrate. (TBH, would buy.) But even the lip blurring caused a color change line, where they left her lip creases on the inside. This gives her a common lipstick problem most women get when the inside ring of your lipstick wears off. My friends call it “butthole lips.” I highly doubt Kylie wouldn’t reapply lipstick before the photo shoot, and if she did, this is the kind of thing that is perfectly acceptable to edit in a photo. Instead, they caused it!

They also airbrushed her entire neck, which, unless your neck is stretched, will always have some kind of lines or skin folds. Again, is she plastic? I think she’s plastic. Is this the Madame Tussauds wax museum version? To answer that, let me show you the true masterpiece of the photo:

Kylie’s hands have been airbrushed out so completely, the lines are barely visible. This proves this is really Madame Tussauds Kylie. To me, this was the creepiest, cyborg-iest part of the photo. Hands have lines; why are we pretending they don’t? If you’ve read my sunscreen articles, you know that hands are the first thing to age and are the true giveaway of all celebrity aging. But Kylie is hardly old enough to legally drink at a bar. She probably doesn’t have veiny, bony, wrinkly hands to airbrush anyway. And even if she did? Leave them alone!

Look, it’s Kylie (but with more personality):

Let’s make pores, skin folds, lip lines, and hand creases make a comeback in 2019. It’s a very scary world without them.

Images: Instagram @kyliejenner; Giphy

A Breakdown Of Kylie Jenner’s Most Random Magazine Covers

As much as it physically pains me to admit it (like this is actually giving me heartburn right now), the Kardashians are one of the most famous families in America. Seriously. We have the Trumps and we have the Kardashians, and that about sums up what tourists remember about us. Such a sad little list! But despite the fact that millions of people hate-click on stories about Kim’s ass every day, it seems the Kardashian Klan is having a hard time breaking into, shall we say, high-class culture. Perhaps it’s because they wear neon bike shorts to their local Calabasas coffee shop? Just a guess based on my own personal problems and biases against Kylie Jenner & Co!

I’m presenting this case based on Kylie Jenner’s latest magazine cover for the *iconic* S Moda magazine. That’s right, Forbes’ youngest helped by her family self-made billionaire is officially covering a magazine that you can’t purchase at your local grocery store, based on the fact that it’s in another language, I’m pretty sure they don’t sell it in America. Sorry if you already went to your local newsstand. And this is not the first time Kylie Jenner has posed for a random magazine—in fact, she’s done it quite a few times. So let’s take a look at all the f*cking weird magazines that Kylie has covered, and I hope you’ll enjoy the walk down memory lane to each of Kylie’s former faces as much as I did.

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New @s_moda COVER?⭐️ @morellibrothers

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Fault

Kylie covered Fault Magazine in 2015, back when I still was clinging to the small hope that this family would be obliterated in an alien invasion. Please take a close look at the cover, because I shrieked “no!” approximately 11 times and spent two hours with my therapist before I was able to accept the fact that this was what Kylie used to look like.

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Not just one but 2 covers of @kyliejenner shot by @Lioneldeluy and styled by @monicarosestyle interview by @heatherseidler

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So we all know that’s not the current iteration of Kylie’s nose, hair, lips, or eyebrows, and there are probably many other tweaks I’m missing that my favorite IG plastic surgery accounts could point out for me.

Has anyone ever heard of Fault Magazine? In 2015 Kylie Jenner wasn’t quite the huge name she is today, but this still seems like an odd, and quite frankly, emo, choice for her. Can those of you that Keep Up please let me know if she was ever emo? Fault is described (by Wikipedia, duh) as a magazine that  “collaborates with artists in the fashion, film and music industry. It operates its own non-profit magazine as a platform for identifying young creative people of merit”. CREATIVE YOUNG PEOPLE OF MERIT. So like, someone that’s accused of copying the imagery for her brand, as well as copying the makeup for her brand? That kind of merit?

I’m not sure many people saw this magazine cover anyway. When I did my quick Google search intense and unrelenting research into this magazine, I found a broken link to the media kit. I did, however, find the media kit for what I believe to be a sister magazine, B Beyond, and their total print circulation in North and South America is 7,500. So way less people than saw Kim’s sex tape, that’s for sure.

LOVE

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Merry Christmas! Thank you @thelovemagazine @kegrand for this special cover shot by @kendalljenner & interview by @krisjenner #love19 ?

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LOVE is a Conde Nast publication that Kylie covered at the end of 2017. In case you were unaware, Conde Nast is so famous, a former employee wrote a revenge fantasy about them called The Devil Wears Prada. I’d call my work revenge fantasy novel And Then I Burned The Place To the Ground, but sure, hers works too. Conde Nast publishes Vogue, Allure, Glamour, W, The New Yorker, Self, and many more magazines you’ve heard of, and, apparently, this rag. According to Wikipedia, LOVE is a bi-annual British style magazine, that once featured Minnie Mouse on the cover. I mean, she is everyone’s favorite female mouse. Well deserved, Minnie!

The circulation of LOVE is around 100,000, so we’re getting slightly closer to the number of people that saw Kim’s sex tape. And Kylie looks a little more like her current self, so two points to LOVE magazine!

AdWeek

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1 day 2 covers. Thank you @adweek #thepowerofkylie

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AdWeek is a pretty legit publication, but it’s a weird choice. Why is Kylie Jenner covering the second-largest advertising trade publication? Sure, maybe the nerds in their corner office trying to think of a fresh way to market some dumb product want to jerk off to her with their morning coffee, but otherwise what’s the point of this cover?

When Kylie covered AdWeek (circulation 45,000), Kylie Cosmetics had only existed for about a year, and she was only part of the way through the process of becoming a Kim clone. To me, this pairing makes no sense, but I also didn’t spend the time to read the article accompanying this cover because my brain is already too filled up with inane facts about this family, and now there’s no room for me to learn how to do my taxes! I lead a rough life.

Also, please feast your eyes on the outfit they chose for a TRADE PUBLICATION. It’s like no one on Kylie Jenner’s team has ever been to an actual office, so they just assume that all businessmen have the same tastes as Christian Grey.

Jolie

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???So kann das Wochenende beginnen: Die neue JOLIE ist da! ???

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Guys, Jolie is not in English! So even if you wanted to read about how Kylie is “mastering the business world” or “so real” you would need a translator because this whole thing is in German. How many of you Kylie stans out there speak German?

Jolie is a monthly magazine and Wikipedia (it’s fine, I totally donated), only had stats as recently as 2010, when there were 375,000 copies in circulation. Kendall and Kylie covered the magazine together, and they look about as happy to do this cover as I am to be constantly bombarded with pictures of their pubic bones.

To be fair, in the more recent years Kylie Jenner has covered Interview, Glamour, Allure, and GQ and MY GOD can we stop giving this family magazine covers? I really think that the reason Kylie covered all these random magazines is that, despite how famous she and her family are, they aren’t really taken all that seriously by the mainstream media. Tabloids, sure. But I think everyone feels a little bit icky about how they got famous *insert raised hand emoji*, so they’ve been hesitant to embrace them. But like cockroaches after a nuclear disaster, this family stuck around and is slowly making their way onto legit publications. And luckily for Kylie, Kim finally got enough blackmail on Anna Wintour to get herself on the cover of American Vogue. Looks like the sky’s the limit now!

Images: kyliejenner (4); jolie_redaktion / Instagram

All The Evidence That Kylie And Jordyn Are Working On Their Friendship

It’s been over a month since Jordyn Woods sat down with Jada Pinkett Smith on Red Table Talks, and it looks like Kylie and Jordyn are finally making some progress on repairing their friendship. If you asked me at the beginning of March, I would have bet my first born that these two would never reconcile, but no feud is too great to overcome when ratings and followers are on the line. So far, there hasn’t been any big public outing or declaration of friendship, so it’s tough to know exactly where things stand between the ex-ex-BFFs, but we can still use our powers of social media investigation to figure if Kylie and Jordyn are friends.

The most obvious moves on both sides so far have been about clearing the air and dispelling the notion that anyone here is an enemy. Last week, Kylie made her claims that she didn’t have anything to do with discounting Jordyn’s lip kits in the aftermath of the scandal. Now, I’m not 100% sold on this being true, but in this case, that’s really beside the point. Whether Kylie did it or not, she wants everyone (and especially Jordyn) to think that she didn’t. If Jordan was still Kylie’s public enemy #1, she would have no reason to clear the air about this kind of thing.

.@kyliecosmetics will be having a flash sale on the Kylie x Jordyn Collection. All products buy 1 get 10 free. Everything must go! Use the code “betrayal” for free shipping. pic.twitter.com/bF5d4plO30

— North West (@norisblackbook) February 20, 2019


Similarly to the lip kit un-drama, Jordyn Woods’ mom, Elizabeth Woods, took to Instagram yesterday to clear up some misconceptions on her daughter’s behalf. She called out people who have been selling Jordyn-themed merch, clarifying that the Woodses are neither authorizing nor profiting from any of it.

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We are well aware that many people have been selling merch. If you are aware of any companies selling merchandise and trying to benefit from our situation, please tag them below. We would like for the world to know that we have not authorized any of this and have not profited from any of these sales whatsoever. Thank you for all the support and love #teamigotthis

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Honestly, the Woods family is probably kicking themselves right now, because I would absolutely spend $48 dollars on an “I don’t need your situation” throw pillow. But, just like with Kylie’s lip kit claims, the whole point of Elizabeth Woods speaking out is to show that there’s no bad blood on their part. Jordyn has basically been apologizing since the beginning, but her mom is reinforcing that they don’t have anything bad to say about the Kardashian-Jenners.

Now that we have all of these subtext-laden statements out of the way, let’s get to the more undercover sh*t. First of all, let’s note that Jordyn and Kylie never unfollowed each other on Instagram, even at the height of the #JordynGate scandal. That’s an important thing to remember, because once you unfollow a friend on Instagram, that’s pretty much the end of the road. Things have been pretty cold in terms of likes and comments between Kylie and Jordyn, but in the past week there have been a couple important developments.

First, we have to talk about Elizabeth Woods again. I’m having trouble deciding if Jordyn’s mom is merely supportive or thirsty AF, but it seems like she means well for the most part. Last week, Kylie posted an adorable photo of her daughter Stormi carrying an Hermès bag that I’m sure costs as much as my rent for a year. Not jealous, you guys, I promise. The photo got millions of likes, as Kylie’s posts usually do, but I’m really only focused on one comment: three heart emojis from none other than Elizabeth Woods. DUN DUN DUN.

What is the meaning of this? Is Elizabeth just loose with the heart emojis when she sees a cute kid on her feed? Or is this some kind of sign that things between her daughter and Kylie are getting better?? Truly, I was left with more questions than answers, but luckily Kylie’s next post provided us with another important piece of evidence. It’s a video of Stormi with her Hermès bag (still not jealous, why would I be jealous?), and it was liked by one…JORDYN WOODS. BUM BUM BUUUUUMMMMM.

So where does this leave us? I’ll be honest and say I really don’t know. On one hand, these social media interactions could be an indicator that Kylie and Jordyn are in a good place, and everyone is ready to move on. But on the other hand, aside from Kylie’s comments about the lip kit discount, things are still looking a little one-sided. Kylie has yet to like or comment on any of Jordyn’s recent posts, and until that starts happening again, it doesn’t really seem like things are fully back to normal.

More than likely, Kylie and Jordyn are going to make us wait six months for the next season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians to see what’s really going on with their friendship, and I’ll be here dutifully waiting until that day. I’ll just keep myself busy roasting POOSH and stalking Kanye’s Sunday Services on Instagram.

Images: Getty Images; @elizabethwoods, @kyliejenner (2) / Instagram; norisblackbook / Twitter

Kylie Jenner Is Saying She Didn’t Discount Jordyn’s Lip Kit On Purpose

While we’re all waiting for the Jordyn Woods and Tristan Thompson scandal to play out on the new season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians it’s also still happening in real life. Kylie Jenner is now saying she had nothing to do with one of the shadier moments of #Jordyngate, and personally, I’m calling bullsh*t.

Back in happier times, Kylie Jenner and Jordyn Woods did a collaboration for Kylie Cosmetics, and in the immediate aftermath of their fallout, the price of the Jordyn Lip Kit was slashed in half. The entire world noticed, and it seemed like one of the most savage things Kylie could have done to her ex-best friend. But now, over a month later, Kylie is coming forward to say that she wasn’t the one behind the discount. Sure, Jan.

When asked by the New York Times about the lip kit discount, Kylie had a lot to say. “That is just not my character. I would never do something like that and when I saw it, I was like, thrown back. Jordyn knows I didn’t actually put it on sale.” I have some thoughts about this. First, is “thrown back” something that people say? I think she’s looking for “taken aback,” or “thrown off,” or even “shook,” but I guess she still has some things to realize. Also, she did actually put it on sale. Even if she wasn’t the one calling the shots, it’s still her company, and the lip kit was obviously on sale.

Kylie’s explanation for the shady-looking discount seems like it could be legit at first glance. She says that her company was in the process of switching from white to black packaging, so all the older stock was getting discounted. If this is true, then why wasn’t, like, half of the website on sale? I’m pretty sure that Jordyn’s lip kit wasn’t magically the only product with white packaging that was left in stock. And if this sale was planned weeks in advance like Kylie claims, then it seems like they could’ve easily just changed the start date to make it less shady. But they clearly wanted to be shady!!

kylie cosmetics slashing the prices on the Jordyn lip kit is the only level of petty allowed

— ??‍♂️⭐️RAVE NYMPH⭐️??‍♂️ (@acaiprincess) February 23, 2019

Interestingly enough, Jordyn’s lip kit has now been restored to the full, original price. This is probably the clearest piece of evidence that Kylie Jenner wanted to be a messy bitch, but then felt bad. If Kylie Cosmetics was actually so desperate to get rid of all this white packaging, there’s no reason that they would be raising prices. If anything, this sh*t would be getting cheaper and cheaper. As someone who has worked retail, I know that if I want something that’s on sale, it’s almost always smart to wait a week or two for the price to drop even more. Either Kylie is really bad at running a store, or she’s really bad at lying about not being shady.

So now that Kylie Jenner and Jordyn Woods are reportedly working on repairing their friendship, you can buy a Jordyn Lip Kit for the original price of $27. I’m so happy that these two are mending their relationship, and making more money in the process!

Images: Shutterstock; BuzzFeed; @acaiprincess / Twitter