If there’s one thing the pandemic has illuminated, it’s that celebrities really aren’t just like us, and people are growing sick and tired of the rich and famous trying to pretend otherwise. Just take your tubloads of money and chill in your mansions and sit this one out. Well, perhaps the only thing worse than, say, a celebrity lamenting how they got bamboozled into buying a $13,000 bottle of wine (when they are worth about $75 million) is a celebrity trying on life as a regular person for sport—which Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott did as a fun little family bonding activity, when they got Stormi a yellow school bus for her birthday.
On Tuesday, Kylie Jenner shared some pictures of Stormi to her IG Story (as she does). In the first slide, Stormi seems to be hugging a yellow school bus—yes, a regular ol’ yellow school bus, like the ones we took to school. Not a euphemism or anything. Not even a school bus that’s been modified by Xzibit. Anyway, Kylie wrote over the picture, “All Stormi has been talking about is riding a big yellow bus. Daddy surprised her.”
The next few images show Stormi walking, alone, down the aisle of the bus. I would like to reiterate again that this bus has those big maroon leather seats we were all tortured with on hot days, where you and 1-2 friends would cram yourselves in (because the seats were not separated), legs sticking to the fake leather. Why am I explaining this, we all remember what school buses were like! Kylie isn’t reading this.
We don’t know if Travis bought or rented the bus (although I’m hoping he rented it, because what the hell would they do with a school bus after this photo opp—donate it to a school maybe?), but the appropriately named website bus.com cites that renting a school bus can cost from $389-850 per day. Buying a bus can range from $90,000-290,000. I already broke my brain trying to figure out what a $13,000 bottle of wine is worth in layman’s money to a person worth $75 million, so there is absolutely no way I am going to sit here and figure out how many fractions of a penny it would be like for Travis Scott (who is worth $50 million) to buy or rent a school bus—but just know that it was probably worth less to them than the gum stuck underneath the seats of the bus.
Now, you can’t put a price tag on a child’s happiness, but what’s truly priceless is this entire situation, which I can’t decide between being deeply hilarious or profoundly sad. Probably a little bit of both.
First, as many Twitter users have pointed out, it’s absurd that Kylie and Travis would spend any amount of money to get their child an experience most of us peasants got for free (minus the cost of property taxes, I guess). And the experience they bought for fun was a largely unpleasant one, no less!
Also, seeing Stormi wander down that big, yellow bus alone is kind of just sad. They couldn’t
rent invite along any friends for her to sit with? Did she go anywhere in the bus or just take pictures, the way wannabe influencers can pay a small sum to pose in front of private jets?
Also, was it ever about the physical vehicle of the bus, or was it more about what the bus represents? I clearly don’t live in that house (a fact I am reminded of via court order… just kidding) but, seeing as Stormi has evidently never been on a school bus before, she probably learned about it from TV and movies. I kind of have a feeling it’s not about the bus, but about the regular-person experience of going to school. You know, waiting at the stop with your friends. Sitting next to your friends. Chatting about the day ahead with your friends. Having friends to whom you are not related by blood. The fact that her parents heard this desire and interpreted it in the most rich-person way possible is like a discarded plotline on Arrested Development, or Marie Antoinette building a fake village at Versailles so she could “escape from the drudgery of royalty.”
I guess it’s true that the grass is always greener, something I will whisper to myself when I’m crammed into a stranger’s armpit on the M60. Now have Stormi cosplay that she woke up late and needs to ask her mom, who is still in pajamas and hasn’t had her coffee yet, to drive her to school.
Images: kyliejenner / Instagram (2)
On Sunday, the 16th season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians premiered, and damn, the fact that this show could have its own sweet 16 is sad but also so satisfying. I mean, I’ve literally watched Kylie Jenner go from being a gangly preteen to a wannabe emo Avril Lavigne-esque middle schooler to basically looking like Kendall’s botox-riddled stepmom (don’t believe me, look below—she was 18 here!), which is mind-blowing.
Kylie looks like kendall's 32 y/o stepmom who married her dad bc he's rich pic.twitter.com/x1ULg0Tvbh
— NORTH WEST (@Its_North_West) August 27, 2015
Not that I would ever admit this to anyone I actually know IRL, but I have a soft spot for Kylie Jenner. Her life could have gone down so many different paths. Would she make a sex tape like her sister? Would she continue to be an insufferable brat like she was when she was 16, dating Tyga and complaining about how hard it was to find the right house to move into? Would she ever admit anything real about her life, like her lip injections, her pregnancy, or her feelings about her relationship with Caitlyn? The deepest insight we really ever got into how she feels about anything is her classic line “I wasn’t meant to be famous,” which is still complete bullsh*t. She might claim to not like being famous, but she knows how to keep us tuning in and speculating about her life.
So it comes as no surprise that, since Stormi’s first birthday party, there have been rumors flying that she’s pregnant with baby number two. So let’s take a deep dive into all the reasons I’m convinced that Kylie Jenner is pregnant again, and why Kris better start ordering another Christmas pajama set.
1. This Photo
Okay, I know what you’re thinking: “If the pregnancy rumors were true, why would she literally post this?” And, because I’m psychic, I know what you’re about to comment: “The baby #2 is supposed to be Travis, look at her comment, it literally says no, moving on.” Let me stop you right there. You forget that nothing is accidental on Kylie’s Instagram. When she was pregnant the first time, she f*cked with us for 9 months, and we fell for it, hook, line, and sinker! She posted all sorts of crap like “baby no one’s going to hurt you” and teased us with blue and pink. SHE KNEW WHAT SHE WAS DOING, AND IT WORKED. She knew she could have captioned this picture LITERALLY anything else and we would have been like “cool, she loves Travis.” (Sidebar: she does this all time too…remember the “I miss my husband” caption?) She chose this phrase deliberately, and it obviously worked.
2. Her Outfit To The Grammys
Kylie Jenner has literally been flaunting her body since the first season of KUWTK. Anyone remember her attempt to pole dance before she even had braces? She’s not exactly what you’d call a wallflower, and even as her taste has evolved over the years, tight and revealing are at the top of the list of nonnegotiables when it comes to her ensembles. Hence, we were all slightly confused by this pink straitjacket-couture getup she wore to the Grammys. Yes, Kylie does tend to switch it up when she’s escorting her man (like that tuxedo dress thing she wore to the VMAs where she looked
bored supportive). I hope she is pregnant, because otherwise, that means she picked this outfit to be what, edgy? Fashionable? Pass—bring back the Fashion Nova and latex bodycon dresses.
3. Stormi Being Attached To Her
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I’m not going to pretend like I have any personal connection to this theory. I literally know no babies in my personal life (unless my dog counts), and luckily, I’m still in that blissful age where getting pregnant is still slightly shocking and not a total cause for celebration (I feel like I’ve got one more year until suddenly I’ll be the hot mess because I don’t know what a Diaper Genie is). But apparently, according to many reliable sources on my Insta story, when babies get really clingy with their moms, it’s often because they can sense that there is a bun in the oven, and want to get all the attention while they can. How accurate this is, I don’t know, but I’ve seen my dog get super clingy and needy at the dog park when I show love to other pugs, so I guess it must be an innate animal instinct.
4. These Cryptic Instagram Posts
Again, she used to post this sh*t all the time when she was pregnant just to get attention and taunt us. Is she just doing it again to be funny? When was the last time Kylie actually made you laugh on KUWTK? This isn’t Scott Disick we are talking about—Kylie is only funny when she’s not trying to be (“I’m naturally gorgeous!” HAHA). Methinks this is a nod to all the fun she had making us guess last year.
5. The Amount of Time That’s Passed Since Her First Pregnancy
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Look, I don’t need facts for this one—as someone who definitely keeps up, I know that Kylie and pretty much everyone in the Kardashian/Jenner clan has talked about wanting their kids to grow up the way they did, aka with a sh*t-ton of siblings close in age. Kylie has stated this in interviews out the ass, so no need for me to say it—read it yourself. Stormi is already a year old, which would mean she would need to be pregnant now so that her kids can be sort of similar to her and Kendall.
Even if she is just thinking about having more kids, I refuse to let Kylie Jenner pull one over on me again. I was that dumbass who was saying things like “Kris Jenner wouldn’t be dumb enough to post all the pajamas for the grandkids on her Snapchat,” and then ta-da! The day of the Super Bowl, a f*cking indie movie all about Kylie’s pregnancy drops. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice…I’ll keep coming back because I live for this sh*t.
Images: @Its_North_West/ Twitter; @kyliejenner/ Instagram (4); Getty Images