Kourtney Kardashian Was Spotted With A Sale Section Younes Bendjima

I didn’t think it could happen, but Kourtney Kardashian’s love life is getting even more interesting. Last week, I wrote about how Kourtney has been hanging out with Luka Sabbat, who is half her age, but somehow, things have gotten even stranger. She’s still been seen out and about with Luka as recently as Wednesday night, but it appears that a new man has come onto the scene as well. We don’t know who he is (or how old he is), but we do know one very important thing: he looks exactly like Younes Bendjima.

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We don’t really know anything about this new mystery man, except that he’s obviously Kourtney’s type. The two were seen on Tuesday afternoon getting green juice at Albert’s Tea in West Hollywood, so it’s nice that Kourtney is still finding young, hot guys to enjoy health food with her. He’s about two heads taller than Kourtney, so she looks even tinier than usual. (That’s the real #relationshipgoals.) He’s also wearing $1,600 Maison Margiela sneakers, so either he has money, or he’s already getting Kourt to buy him nice presents. Okay seriously, this man looks so much like Younes it’s driving me crazy. Why is Kourtney doing this to us? Is she trying to make Younes jealous? Is he actually Younes’ brother? Can I date him? I have 75 million questions. I should commission 50 Cent to write a song about it.

For quick reference. here’s a reminder of what Younes looks like:

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I’m gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse @capripalace

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ARE. THEY. TWINS??? Not gonna lie, I kind of feel like Kourtney put out a casting call for Younes Bendjima look-alikes just so she could f*ck with the media. But whatever, I’m having fun. Are you?

Also, what is happening with Luka Sabbat? He and Kourtney have been hanging out quite a bit over the past couple weeks, but who knows where that’s going. I guess with a cool 20-year-old, you can’t make things exclusive too quickly. Probably for the best. He seems busy, and also he’s young enough to be her son. For now, it seems like Kourtney is just trying to have fun and enjoy her life, and I’m not mad about it. Whether it’s with Younes, or Luka, or Younes 2.0 The Remix, I just want the best for Kourtney.

Images: @xdailydashx / Instagram; @younesbendjima / Instagram

Younes Bendjima Publicly Slut-Shamed Kourtney Kardashian & It’s Not OK

Well fam, I’ve got bad news. My file folder of men who are trash is looking pretty full these days, but I might have to make room for one more. He might be the hottest of the Kardashian-adjacent men, but, reportedly, Younes Bendjima slut-shamed Kourtney Kardashian on her Instagram, and that’s just unacceptable. I’m so mad. I knew he was too good to be true. No one with abs like that should ever be trusted, and that’s that.

This whole debacle reportedly happened on Monday, when Kourtney Kardashian posted a photo of herself looking like a damn SNACK. It’s a classic sit-on-your-knees-in-a-field-and-look-back-at-the-camera shot, and she looks natural and stunning in a floral bikini and floppy sunhat that’s about three times bigger than her torso. Seriously, Kourtney is not wearing any makeup, and I can’t get over how pretty and happy she looks. Like, I just want the world for her. Lots of celebs agreed in the comments, with people like Bella Hadid, Travis Barker, and Diplo commenting lots of praise. Okay, Diplo is kind of a sleaze bag, but you get the point, Kourtney looks hot.

don’t be shady, be a lady☀️

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Okay, so I forgot to mention the part where Kourtney’s ass is the main focus of the picture, but who f*cking cares? It’s 2018. If you’re offended by a picture of a butt, you should probably just stay off the internet. Well, Younes Bendjima might want to deactivate for a bit, because apparently he’s not ready for this jelly. (“Bootylicious” is the song of our generation, don’t @ me.) Younes commented on the photo, criticizing Kourtney’s thirst for likes, before deleting the comment later. Lucky for us, screenshots exist, leaving us with proof that Younes sucks.

Are you actually kidding me? First of all, Younes, your girlfriend is hot as hell. You love to show off your body on Instagram, so why shouldn’t she? This isn’t the 1800s, grow up. Also, if you have issues with what your significant other is posting on social media, perhaps you should deal with that in a forum other than public comments. Kourtney has 65 million followers, do you really want all of them to know that you’re a misogynistic douche? You know you could, like, text her, right?

But wait, the plot thickens. According to an anonymous source who allegedly knows Kourtney and Younes, this isn’t the first time he’s expressed frustration with Kourtney’s social media presence. The source told People, “He never liked that she posted sexy pictures of herself on social media. He doesn’t want his girlfriend to do that. He gets that it’s her job, but wants her to post more covered up pictures. He has always had a problem with this. This is the stuff they argue about and what made them split in the past.”

Oh, f*ck all the way off. If this is true, Younes is so effing canceled. “He gets that it’s her job?” How about, she’s an adult woman who can post whatever she wants, whether it’s her job or not! She could post a video of her having a threesome with Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra, and the only problem I’d have is that I wasn’t invited. @Younes, you don’t get to police Kourtney’s actions!!

So yeah, Younes and Kourtney just spent an amazing few weeks together in Italy, and it seems like they’re still happily together, but this slut-shaming needs to stop ASAP. Kourtney can stay with Younes if she wants, whatever makes her happy, but she shouldn’t have to put up with a man who can’t put away his bullsh*t ideas of what women should and shouldn’t do.

Images: @kourtneykardash / Instagram (2); Giphy

All The Issues Penelope Disick Will Need To Discuss With Her Therapist

For all the shit that we talk about the Kardashians, we tend to leave the kids out of it. That’s partially because we’re semi-decent humans who don’t need to drag toddlers, but they’re also just not that interesting. Up until now, the next generation of KarJenners have mostly been used as plot devices, rather than actual characters on the shows. That’s fine, but I think it’s time that we start paying a little more attention to these kids. Namely, how fucked up they’re going to be from growing up in such a psychotic family environment.

Well, July 8th is Penelope Disick’s sixth birthday (fuck, I feel old), so let’s give her some much-needed attention. Of course, Penelope’s family loves her and spoils her every chance they get, but they’ve also probably caused her a great deal of emotional torment. I don’t really know if Penelope is old enough to be in therapy yet (I didn’t really pay attention during my psych class in college), but she’ll definitely need it sooner or later. I mean, we all probably need therapy because of our parents—Penelope’s family is just a little more… how do I say this… eccentric. So yeah, these are all the top things Penelope Disick will probably be discussing with her therapist, though I’m sure there a lot more things we don’t even know about.

1. The Cameras Everywhere

Penelope has been around the reality TV cameras for literally her entire life, which is probably enough to fuck her up forever. Yeah, I guess she’s probably used to it, but no child is really supposed to grow up with an E! producer camped out in their garage 24/7.

Had to go check on my castle yesterday.

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2. Her Parents’ Relationship

I mean…yikes. For years, it was documented on KUWTK how Scott and Kourtney basically hated each other and had the world’s most toxic relationship. Regardless, they managed to stay together long enough to have three kids, so yay for the miracle of life. Now, Scott and Kourtney have thankfully given up on their tragedy of a relationship, but there’s a looooot of history there. Even if they keep it civil around the kids, no one fully recovers from parents that fully hate each other, especially when you can watch it all play out on TV.

3. Her Parents’ Dating Habits

First, Scott’s taste in women cannot be healthy for Penelope. Of course, Scott is an adult who can date whoever he wants, as long as they’re not, like, evil to his kids, but his choices are more age-appropriate as babysitters than potential stepmothers, God, just imagine Bella Thorne waking up in the morning to pack lunches for Scott’s kids. She would probably be that mom who accidentally packs her kids a Four Loko with lunch. Sofia Richie seems like she might be responsible, but she’s still only like, 9 years older than Mason, so that’s gonna be a no from me. And let’s not get it twisted, Younes is no better in terms of age-appropriateness. It’s bad enough when one of your parents pulls a mid-life crisis and starts exclusively dating people half their age, but could you imagine if BOTH parents were doing that simultaneously?? It would be enough to make me pull a Chutney Windham.

4. The Aunts & Uncles

Oh god, there is just too much to even unpack here. Why did Aunt Kylie have to hide in her house for nine months? Why did Aunt Khloé stay with the bad man who made out with another lady? Who is Uncle Rob and how come nobody is allowed to talk about him? This is, um, going to take a lot of therapy. I love this family, but Jesus Christ are they fucked up.


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5. Her Middle Name

I don’t know if you know this, but Penelope’s middle name is Scotland. SCOTLAND! Like the country! Apparently, E! reports that it was actually Kris who suggested the middle name of Scotland (!!), but it’s literally unbelievable to me that Scott didn’t come up with it as some sort of weird homage to himself. The man calls himself The Lord—if you think for one second he had nothing to do with this, I’ve got a bridge I’d like to sell you. If Penelope were a normal kid, she could just spend most of her youth refusing to tell people her middle name, but it’s all over the internet, so she’s just going to have to talk to a professional about how her dad’s narcissism is evident even in her naming.

But uh… happy birthday Penelope! Hope that E! health insurance plan covers offers some good benefits.
Images: @kourtneykardash / Instagram (3)