If you’re anything like me, you probably think of sex toys as something to be used in the privacy of your own home, either alone or with your partner. But that’s beginning to change as high-tech start-ups reconceptualize the way we think about sex toys, especially when these companies are run by women. One notable manifestation of this trend are sex toys that double as wearable accessories. With these, gone are the days where your only option for a vibrator was a veiny phallus molded from the dong of a washed-up porn star (though if that’s your thing, do you). Read on for a list of sex toys you can take with you anywhere.
1. Secrets 5 Function Remote Control Vibrating Black Lace Thong
While it may look like your typical lace thong, this baby has a hidden pocket that fits a mini vibrator. What’s more, it’s also remote control operable up to a range of 10 meters, so you can cede control to someone else if that’s your kink. According to the product description, “you won’t have to choose between turning up to work or climaxing, popping to the post office or climaxing, or going to a wedding or climaxing.” The wedding example is a bit of a weird flex, but these undies could come in handy for one of those work meetings that could have been an email.
2. Amelia Nipple Clamp Chandelier Earrings
These earrings are not necessarily for the faint of nip heart. Though they may look like your typical architectural jewelry, they’re modeled after the alligator nipple clamp, a staple in the BDSM world. The great thing about clamps is that they can be adjusted to suit your tolerance, whether it’s a simple desire to increase sensation or to heighten pleasure with some pain. Considering that the nipples are a major erogenous zone for many people, these earrings are a creative option that will both get you off and completely fool your more vanilla co-workers.
3. Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace
If you’re toying (see what I did there?) with the idea of purchasing a wearable sex toy, this is the one I would start with. The Vesper necklace is perhaps the most well-known and popular wearable sex toy on this list, and it’s easy to see why. Its sleek design and three power settings make it both a beautiful piece of jewelry and a powerful vibrator. And there’s just something indulgent about wearing a literal vibrator out in the open: as one reviewer put it, “It’s like wearing a secret around my neck and in public!”
4. Cleo Bangle Handcuffs
If the nipple clamps weren’t for you but you’re game for some light BDSM, these bangles are a great option. They’re dainty, yellow gold and engraved, making for a beautiful pair of bracelets on their own. But after a long day of enduring passive-aggressive emails from Karen in Accounting, you can meet up with your partner outside of the office (or in the office if you’re having an affair with a coworker, I don’t know your life) and use these “surprisingly strong” handcuffs for a little bit of fun.
5. Palma Vibrator Ring
Rounding out the list is a ring with 5-star reviews that doubles as a vibrator. What appears on the surface as a chic cocktail ring is actually a multispeed waterproof vibrator with customizable modes that let you control the vibrations with your own hand movements. Although it may seem small, reviewers agree that this sucker “packs a punch.” I guess my ex was right and size doesn’t really matter after all.
The growing prominence of wearable sex toys on the market is exciting. By allowing people, especially women, to literally wear their sexuality on their sleeve (or neck, or ear, or finger), wearable sex toys subverts the societal notion that sex is something shameful that needs to be kept hidden. That’s a vibe (OK, I’ll stop) that we can all get into.
Images: Marvin Meyer / Unsplash; Giphy (1)
According to Urban Dictionary (aka the most credible source for sexual terms), a kink is a “sexual taste” specifically for a person or behavior. However, although a kink tends to be something sexual you enjoy that isn’t “normal,” it really is dependent on the person and like, the time. For example, I’m sure your great grandma thought a hot makeout sesh using tongue was v kinky but now that’s just how people say hello. Kidding, sort of. But, a kink isn’t to be confused with a fetish, which is typically “a sexual fixation or obsession with a usually non-sexual object” (or body part, per Merriam-Wester). But people tend to use them interchangeably, which I hope you won’t after this article.
According to the Daily Mail, the main difference between the two is a kink is enjoyed but isn’t necessary for arousal, whereas a fetish is needed every time you do the dirty. According to a study done by SKYN (yes, the condom brand), they found that people want more kinkiness or fantasy in their sex lives—precisely, 84% of people, according to “The Bondage Survey.” So maybe we should stop having shame in the kink game. Here are some of the most common sexual kinks. Who knows, maybe it’ll give you some ideas (or feel less embarrassed about what you like in bed).
1. Voyeurism
According to The Journal of Sex Research, 35% of the 1,040 Canadians they studied, enjoyed voyeurism, which is the act of watching other people have sex. TBH this shouldn’t be that surprising out of the most common sexual kinks if you just think about how many people watch porn. Also not surprising? It’s more common that men enjoy this kink than women. Just don’t be creepy and watch people through their windows or whatever (since it’s a sexual offense and all and we’d have to call the Special Victims Unit).
2. Fetishism
To make things even more confusing, a fetish is among the most common sexual kinks (44.5% desiring it) but a kink isn’t necessarily a fetish. Guess it’s kind of like how a square is a type of rectangle but a rectangle isn’t a square? Although fairly common for men and women, females are slightly more likely to enjoy a fetish. Remember, a fetish is being aroused by a typically non-sexual object. So although you might automatically think “foot fetish” when someone says fetish, that’s not all there is. Remember the My Strange Addiction episode when the guy admitted he has sex with his car? Yeah, there are levels to this.
3. Coupled Exhibitionism
Aka being naked (flashing) or having sex in public. Just over 30% of people want to get down and dirty in public with their partner. Be careful: like voyeurism, exhibitionism is another one of the most common sexual kinks that can land you in jail. Penalties for public indecency or “lewdness” (as the criminal code states) is dependent on state laws, so do your research before venturing outdoors.
4. Masochism
The Journal of Sex Research found that 19% of people enjoyed this kink. Masochism is “The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused.” Or slightly less intense, “The feeling of pleasure (sexual) from being hurt.” So if you like a good spanking while having sex, you may enjoy one of the most common sexual kinks.
5. Infantilism
This might come as a shock, but infantilism, or engaging in child-like behavior, is actually a fairly common kink. It typically involves the man acting like a baby and their partner role-playing as the mom or nanny. It most commonly includes an adult diaper but can also involve a crib, pacifier, bottles, and speaking gibberish. If you decide to try this one out, just make sure your safe word is something other than “goo-goo-ga-ga.”
6. Bondage
Chances are you’ve already done this one. If you or your partner have tied each other up (even using those innocent-looking fuzzy handcuffs) you’ve engaged in bondage. This one is part of the dominant-submissive roles that so many people love. If you’re super into it, you might relate to Christian Grey more than others. If you want to incorporate this but don’t know how, check out these easy BDSM moves.
7. Role-Playing
This is a super common kink that so many people don’t even realize it counts as a kink. Role-playing lets you act out your craziest fantasies without being socially inappropriate or risk being arrested. If you have a medical fantasy, act out a patient-doctor scenario with your partner. Or if a school fantasy is more your style, pretend to be a teacher and your partner is your student. The scenarios are endless, which makes it always fun.
8. Group Sex
This can be a threesome or even an orgy (aka with more than three people). If you aren’t so down to get down with people other than your partner, try incorporating some sex toys to get the pleasure of different sensations without having to bring in (or talk to) another person.
9. Lingerie
Ever wonder why people are so insistent to get a lingerie set for their wedding night? Technically, since lingerie is an inanimate object, this one can be referred to as a fetish. But either way, even people who don’t consider themselves kinky often enjoy this common kink. So many women own sexy underwear, a cute teddy, or some stockings. Whip them up and get kinky. Don’t know what to buy? Here’s our guide to lingerie.
Whatever your kink may be, make sure you always are engaging in consensual sex and have fun. Sex doesn’t have to be so damn serious.
Images: Giphy (9)
A couple of years ago, the 50 Shades trilogy hit the shelves (as in bookshelves, remember those?), and our lives were more or less unaffected never the same. In a heartwarmingly American response, the millions of people (ugh) reading these books promptly went out to their local hardware stores and started loading up on rope, presumably to hang themselves with try out these saucy new bondage techniques. While these horned-up, determined women stocking up on duct tape were definitely friends with your mom a little misguided, it can be really hard to give your sex life the makeover equivalent of Lindsay Lohan pre-Mean Girls to Lindsay Lohan post-the greatest movie of all time (y’know, minus the STDs), but here are a couple tips on how to take things to the next level:
DO: Buy the ** Appropriate ** Supplies
Again, if at any point in the “spice up your sex life” routine you find yourself standing at an Ace Hardware register inquiring about the roughness of certain rope fibers, just tell the cashier to cut your credit card in half and go home. This is 2017, so there’s no reason to be leaving your house—that’s what Amazon reviews were invented for (I mean, I’m assuming). Also, if you’re embarking on an “Intro to Bondage” journey, you’ll probably be just as well-equipped with scarves, tights, or even handcuffs as a low-maintenance alternative. You’ll be better off spending your money on mood-setting materials (silk sheets, candles that you will under no circumstances drip onto your partner) than having your partner wonder why you’ve ordered a load-bearing steel hook and six feet of cable wire. You’re having sex, not disposing of a body—don’t make this scarier than it needs to be.
DON’T: Make It All About You
At the end of the day, the sexiest thing about Christian Grey was his willingness to drop buckets of cash on a glorified secretary how turned on he got doing all that kinky stuff to Ana. Assuming your boyfriend doesn’t already have the inclination toward rough sex, he might not be as psyched about certain scenarios, which will lead to him weakly patting your ass and then asking if he’s hurt you. To actually have an enjoyable rough sex experience, you need to find something that your partner is excited to try, so you get to have the complete inanimate sex doll Ana Steele experience of being dominated. Also, it doesn’t hurt to introduce the whole rough sex experience as something you specifically want from your partner. It’s a lot less off-putting to hear, “I really enjoy getting the shit beaten out of me during sex,” than it is to hear, “I get so turned on at the idea of you throwing me around a little.” If he feels like he’s what’s turning you on when he does get a little rougher (and not the memory of the ex who probably gave you this sexual preference in the first place, oops), then he gets an ego boost and you get an orgasm (which is like, platinum level win-win for both parties).
DO: Ease Into It
I mean this in literally every single way. First, lube. Buy a lot (no cooling or heating shit), and incorporate it liberally. Second, talk to your partner before. It’s super tempting to just try and move his hands during sex and hope that he’ll read your mind, but since my boyfriend has literally replied, “what’s up,” when I said his name during sex, I don’t have a ton of faith in that practice. And since nothing kills the vibe faster than putting on your mom voice and saying, “no, do it like this” mid-act, get this out of the way beforehand—preferably over a glass, or six, of wine. Which brings me to my next point: drink. It’s called a “social lubricant” for a reason, and if this is your first foray into rough sex, you’ll probably want your typical inhibitions at least slightly lowered. I’m not saying get wasted, I’m just saying have enough to lose all sense of shame get out of your head and feel a little adventurous.
DON’T: Freak Out About Any of This
It’s obviously daunting when you’re suggesting something new, you’re in a vulnerable situation, and you’re not sure how the other person will react. But honestly, if a guy tries to make you feel embarrassed for bringing it up or acts like you’re a slut for wanting it, this guy is an insecure prude who’s worried that he hasn’t been satisfying you sexually. And if you do give it a shot, and it turns out you don’t like it as much as you thought you would, that’s okay too! Sex is sex, and if you’re not trying new things, you’re depriving yourself of potentially mind-blowing sex. Life’s too short, and your list of back-burner bros is too long for you to get hung up on one bad experience. If you want something more aggressive than what you’re getting, I’m sure there’s a guy out there who’s more than happy to oblige (just please not the people who are buying rope at hardware stores).
