If you’re anything like me, you probably think of sex toys as something to be used in the privacy of your own home, either alone or with your partner. But that’s beginning to change as high-tech start-ups reconceptualize the way we think about sex toys, especially when these companies are run by women. One notable manifestation of this trend are sex toys that double as wearable accessories. With these, gone are the days where your only option for a vibrator was a veiny phallus molded from the dong of a washed-up porn star (though if that’s your thing, do you). Read on for a list of sex toys you can take with you anywhere.
1. Secrets 5 Function Remote Control Vibrating Black Lace Thong
While it may look like your typical lace thong, this baby has a hidden pocket that fits a mini vibrator. What’s more, it’s also remote control operable up to a range of 10 meters, so you can cede control to someone else if that’s your kink. According to the product description, “you won’t have to choose between turning up to work or climaxing, popping to the post office or climaxing, or going to a wedding or climaxing.” The wedding example is a bit of a weird flex, but these undies could come in handy for one of those work meetings that could have been an email.
2. Amelia Nipple Clamp Chandelier Earrings
These earrings are not necessarily for the faint of nip heart. Though they may look like your typical architectural jewelry, they’re modeled after the alligator nipple clamp, a staple in the BDSM world. The great thing about clamps is that they can be adjusted to suit your tolerance, whether it’s a simple desire to increase sensation or to heighten pleasure with some pain. Considering that the nipples are a major erogenous zone for many people, these earrings are a creative option that will both get you off and completely fool your more vanilla co-workers.
3. Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace
If you’re toying (see what I did there?) with the idea of purchasing a wearable sex toy, this is the one I would start with. The Vesper necklace is perhaps the most well-known and popular wearable sex toy on this list, and it’s easy to see why. Its sleek design and three power settings make it both a beautiful piece of jewelry and a powerful vibrator. And there’s just something indulgent about wearing a literal vibrator out in the open: as one reviewer put it, “It’s like wearing a secret around my neck and in public!”
4. Cleo Bangle Handcuffs
If the nipple clamps weren’t for you but you’re game for some light BDSM, these bangles are a great option. They’re dainty, yellow gold and engraved, making for a beautiful pair of bracelets on their own. But after a long day of enduring passive-aggressive emails from Karen in Accounting, you can meet up with your partner outside of the office (or in the office if you’re having an affair with a coworker, I don’t know your life) and use these “surprisingly strong” handcuffs for a little bit of fun.
5. Palma Vibrator Ring
Rounding out the list is a ring with 5-star reviews that doubles as a vibrator. What appears on the surface as a chic cocktail ring is actually a multispeed waterproof vibrator with customizable modes that let you control the vibrations with your own hand movements. Although it may seem small, reviewers agree that this sucker “packs a punch.” I guess my ex was right and size doesn’t really matter after all.
The growing prominence of wearable sex toys on the market is exciting. By allowing people, especially women, to literally wear their sexuality on their sleeve (or neck, or ear, or finger), wearable sex toys subverts the societal notion that sex is something shameful that needs to be kept hidden. That’s a vibe (OK, I’ll stop) that we can all get into.
Images: Marvin Meyer / Unsplash; Giphy (1)
Introducing kinks to your relationship can be intimidating AF. If you just found your perfect match on Ship, you won’t want to scare them away by rattling off your list of fetishes on the first date. If you’ve been dating someone for four years, randomly unleashing your secret kinks might make them think you’ve hated your sex life the whole time. Sooo how are you supposed to discuss your love for bondage with a new or current partner without it being painfully awkward? Rather than dropping a casual “hey, wanna tie me up sometime?” over a romantic candlelit dinner, there are much better ways, even some that don’t involve being in the same room. I attended a “Working The Kinks Out” session at a sex camp (yes, sex camp) where Fransisco Ramirez, MPH shared this list of tips and tricks for letting your freak flag fly without freaking out your partner.
1. Yes/No/Maybe Lists
Yes/no/maybe lists aren’t sexual contracts. They’re just a super fun bonding activity (without the handcuffs) that helps you come up with new sex stuff to try. You basically sit down for a dirty little brainstorm sesh with your partner to create a master list of all the kinks you’ve ever thought about trying and want to explore together. When you run out of ideas, separate, make a cup of tea, relax in the bath, and organize the list into your own “yes,” “no,” and “maybe” categories.
Circle, star, and “F*CK YEAH!!!” your YESes, strike out the NOs, and put question marks around the maybes. You can also rank and categorize each act on the list by whether you want to be the giver or receiver, because maybe you’re down to try pegging but you’d rather be the one getting pegged, or you love the idea of rope but there’s no way in hell someone’s tying you up.
Done? Regroup and discuss. Cringing at the thought of reviewing your lists at the kitchen table like some sort of formal business deal with a client? Swap papers so the other person can read it and see what you’re into in silence (aside from the occasional “hmm” or “WOW REALLY?!”). Not even comfortable doing this in person? Grow up. JK. These lists can be created via text or Google Docs too.
2. Shop For Sex Toys Together
good morning to this fan who met zac efron and vanessa hudgens in 2008 and had the nerve to ask for pictures while they were shopping for sex toys pic.twitter.com/YUy74oqchl
— donna summer archive (@mcriahcarey) April 10, 2019
The only thing more fun than actually using sex toys with your partner is the act of buying them together. Ramirez says that toys are the best way to introduce kinks into the bedroom. He literally calls them “friends,” and I feel that. Sex toys make way better friends than humans sometimes TBH.
Research all the different vibrators, cock rings, restraints, and wearables you might want to play with, then make a date out of going to your local adult store to get them. You can buy them online of course, but that’s not as fun. Going to a sex shop is something I strongly believe all couples should experience at some point in their relationship. The process of physically going to buy new toys, then the anticipation of waiting to come home to use them magically makes using them soOo much better.
3. Share Porn Browser Histories
First date activities:
Let's go through each other's porn history?
— An Aquarian (@Mohohlo) September 3, 2019
I know what you’re thinking. “HELLLLL no.” And that’s fine. Although this tip IS super effective, it’s not for the faint of heart. Our porn histories are highly classified information never to be shared with anyone until we die. BUT! If you’re feeling daring and you DGAF, exchange those browser histories with your partner. Chances are they have some wild sh*t in their search history that blows the doors off of yours, and you’ll come out of it with something to break up over laugh about and bond over for the rest of your relationship.
4. Make Porn Playlists
Okay, if you’re too shy to share your personal porn browser history, then collab and create a new one. Making a porn playlist with someone is basically the X-rated version of a Spotify collaborative playlist. Keep things separate from your main accounts and make a new username by combining your names like Jailey, Kimye, and other stupid celeb couple names like that. Once you’re done building up a list of videos, pop some popcorn, cozy up, get naked, or do whatever couples do before they watch ~movies~ and enjoy the show.
5. Sexting
Ahhh, good old fashioned sexting. Where words fail, eggplant and peach emojis always do the trick. Sexting is the best thing to ever come out of the 21st century, aside from Taco Bell and sex toys. It’s awesome for most people who really don’t feel bold enough talking about “dirty” stuff face-to-face but want to put important business out there.
I actually love sexting for that exact reason. It’s the most comfortable way for me to say what I like in bed with someone I haven’t hooked up with yet and vice versa. Because let’s face it, talking about the weird sh*t that gets you going during sex isn’t exactly the easiest topic to approach with someone new, or even our current partners if those kinks were never disclosed. But we do need to put on our adult pants and address it somehow, even via text, so we don’t get stuck in sexually unfulfilling relationships with people who don’t meet our needs. IDK about you, but that sounds like living hell to me.
In the wise words of Ramirez, “Kink is okay. Kink is great. Kink is dope. Kink is fly. YOU are okay. YOU are great. YOU are dope. YOU are fly.” Solid reminder to all of us kinky bitches out there. We’re cool AF. We just need to find a way to express how chill we are to our partners without them freezing up and running away…but if they do run away from your kinks once you bring them up, then they’re definitely not the right match for you anyway.
Images: Shutterstock; @mcriahcarey, @mohohlo, / Twitter; GIPHY (3)
According to Urban Dictionary (aka the most credible source for sexual terms), a kink is a “sexual taste” specifically for a person or behavior. However, although a kink tends to be something sexual you enjoy that isn’t “normal,” it really is dependent on the person and like, the time. For example, I’m sure your great grandma thought a hot makeout sesh using tongue was v kinky but now that’s just how people say hello. Kidding, sort of. But, a kink isn’t to be confused with a fetish, which is typically “a sexual fixation or obsession with a usually non-sexual object” (or body part, per Merriam-Wester). But people tend to use them interchangeably, which I hope you won’t after this article.
According to the Daily Mail, the main difference between the two is a kink is enjoyed but isn’t necessary for arousal, whereas a fetish is needed every time you do the dirty. According to a study done by SKYN (yes, the condom brand), they found that people want more kinkiness or fantasy in their sex lives—precisely, 84% of people, according to “The Bondage Survey.” So maybe we should stop having shame in the kink game. Here are some of the most common sexual kinks. Who knows, maybe it’ll give you some ideas (or feel less embarrassed about what you like in bed).
1. Voyeurism
According to The Journal of Sex Research, 35% of the 1,040 Canadians they studied, enjoyed voyeurism, which is the act of watching other people have sex. TBH this shouldn’t be that surprising out of the most common sexual kinks if you just think about how many people watch porn. Also not surprising? It’s more common that men enjoy this kink than women. Just don’t be creepy and watch people through their windows or whatever (since it’s a sexual offense and all and we’d have to call the Special Victims Unit).
2. Fetishism
To make things even more confusing, a fetish is among the most common sexual kinks (44.5% desiring it) but a kink isn’t necessarily a fetish. Guess it’s kind of like how a square is a type of rectangle but a rectangle isn’t a square? Although fairly common for men and women, females are slightly more likely to enjoy a fetish. Remember, a fetish is being aroused by a typically non-sexual object. So although you might automatically think “foot fetish” when someone says fetish, that’s not all there is. Remember the My Strange Addiction episode when the guy admitted he has sex with his car? Yeah, there are levels to this.
3. Coupled Exhibitionism
Aka being naked (flashing) or having sex in public. Just over 30% of people want to get down and dirty in public with their partner. Be careful: like voyeurism, exhibitionism is another one of the most common sexual kinks that can land you in jail. Penalties for public indecency or “lewdness” (as the criminal code states) is dependent on state laws, so do your research before venturing outdoors.
4. Masochism
The Journal of Sex Research found that 19% of people enjoyed this kink. Masochism is “The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused.” Or slightly less intense, “The feeling of pleasure (sexual) from being hurt.” So if you like a good spanking while having sex, you may enjoy one of the most common sexual kinks.
5. Infantilism
This might come as a shock, but infantilism, or engaging in child-like behavior, is actually a fairly common kink. It typically involves the man acting like a baby and their partner role-playing as the mom or nanny. It most commonly includes an adult diaper but can also involve a crib, pacifier, bottles, and speaking gibberish. If you decide to try this one out, just make sure your safe word is something other than “goo-goo-ga-ga.”
6. Bondage
Chances are you’ve already done this one. If you or your partner have tied each other up (even using those innocent-looking fuzzy handcuffs) you’ve engaged in bondage. This one is part of the dominant-submissive roles that so many people love. If you’re super into it, you might relate to Christian Grey more than others. If you want to incorporate this but don’t know how, check out these easy BDSM moves.
7. Role-Playing
This is a super common kink that so many people don’t even realize it counts as a kink. Role-playing lets you act out your craziest fantasies without being socially inappropriate or risk being arrested. If you have a medical fantasy, act out a patient-doctor scenario with your partner. Or if a school fantasy is more your style, pretend to be a teacher and your partner is your student. The scenarios are endless, which makes it always fun.
8. Group Sex
This can be a threesome or even an orgy (aka with more than three people). If you aren’t so down to get down with people other than your partner, try incorporating some sex toys to get the pleasure of different sensations without having to bring in (or talk to) another person.
9. Lingerie
Ever wonder why people are so insistent to get a lingerie set for their wedding night? Technically, since lingerie is an inanimate object, this one can be referred to as a fetish. But either way, even people who don’t consider themselves kinky often enjoy this common kink. So many women own sexy underwear, a cute teddy, or some stockings. Whip them up and get kinky. Don’t know what to buy? Here’s our guide to lingerie.
Whatever your kink may be, make sure you always are engaging in consensual sex and have fun. Sex doesn’t have to be so damn serious.
Images: Giphy (9)
