Breaking news: Kim Kardashian shocked everyone today by posting an insanely poorly edited picture of herself depicting an unattainable and unrealistic Photoshopped body type. I know. You can’t believe it. This is just so unlike her to perpetuate the toxic standard for women in today’s society and force regular people to enhance their own bodies in increasingly extreme ways to keep up. With all the good she’s been doing in the world, I really hope this one day spreads to a brand of feminism that does not include destroying little girls’ self-esteem around the world. Anyyyyway. Today, Kim’s post did more than just create unrealistic standards by having her waist size be literally 1/3 of her ass.
I mean, she did that too:
I’m sorry but no, this doesn’t even look real. Both pictures look like her waist has been completely scooped out. And the background near her waist in the second picture looks weirdly smudged. Also, in the first picture, her shadow does not match up AT ALL. But that’s not really why we’re here. We’re here because once again, Kim has created a completely ridiculous body for women to try to attain: now we have to have THREE hands to be sexy!
Wait, what?
Did Kim K. go to the surgeon and get a third hand added to her body (wouldn’t put it past her, tbh)? Or is this just yet another Photoshop catastrophe? Who are you guys hiring to edit your photos? I don’t understand.
Because Kim has a very specific manicure for this photo:
Andddd yet. I count two hands up on the wall. And, as Instagram user @_madisonshelby pointed out to us, there’s also one hand in her hair.
Three. Three hands.
I mean. What the f*ck, guys?
The only way this happens is because the photo editors legit take apart their subject, piece by piece, like f*cking Hannibal Lecter. But instead of making a nice skin lamp, they then add back limbs and body parts in different positions to feel out what looks best. They then try to post it like this is actually their body type, when their waist was cut out like it was done with an ice cream scoop. That, and then they leave extra fingers around. Sloppy, sloppy work. Also, not the first time their editors have accidentally left them with extra limbs.
Guys, here’s a foolproof method to avoid this problem. I’m gonna tell you. Ready? Stop editing your bodies into pieces. That’s it, that’s the secret. It’s also way easier to just take flattering photos than to splice them up for zero (0) reason after the fact.
Kim, I promise you, no one will be shocked to find that your waist actually supports a rib cage IRL. That’s what we all assume (and really hope). That, and it’s perfectly okay to only have two hands. We promise.
In news of body positivity, did you guys see Chrissy Teigen’s recent bathing suit post and ensuing garbage drama? Chrissy—who was a swimsuit model, FYI, and has birthed two children, and looks amazing—posted a cute pic of her awesome body in a swimsuit. And people really commented saying that she isn’t curvy enough and looks like Spongebob.
don’t get too trapped pic.twitter.com/bLp3dlHzIg
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 26, 2020
Which is not only completely f*cking rude, but it’s insane! It’s due to the toxic environment people like Kardashians and FaceTune-obsessed influencers have created for women that it’s no longer acceptable to have a real body type without waist-cinching, giant-ass surgery or editing. And Chrissy called people out on it:
Everyone used to….surgically enhanced curves. I’ve been a square my whole life and let me tell you, it’s paid off nicely in many ways! https://t.co/wuRwGof2sZ
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 26, 2020
BTW, it’s because of these expectations that women feel forced to get crazy surgery and FaceTune their photos and cut them into pieces in the first place. As always, thanks for being real, Chrissy! We need heroes like you in these dark times.
Did you guys notice the extra fingers? Do you think it’s gross that every photoshoot of them seems to be cut up like this? Did you think Kim’s waist looks realistic or is it super obvious to you? LMK! Quick shoutout to @_madisonshelby on Instagram for this submission. I would have never spotted this right off the bat! Please submit your Photoshop detective work always!
Images: kimkardashian / Instagram; chrissyteigen / Twitter
With the world falling apart in a global pandemic, a lot of things are uncertain right now. But don’t worry friends, we have one constant that will never change in our lives. And that is Kim Kardashian West’s insistence on warping her face with Facetune. It’s one comfort we can always count on. I know she’s a regular feature of this column, but Kim has actually impressed me quite a bit lately with her legal advocacy work and studying to become a lawyer. It’s nice to see someone with that much power and influence using it for good. But despite her having a priority change, Kim is still messing with her face worse than ever. Because Kim likes to use quick-fix apps like Facetune, her face often turns out looking different than it did before. In fact, half the time she’s straight-up unrecognizable, such as in this post she did a few days ago:
Really, though? Who is this? It looks a hell of a lot different than the person she posted four weeks ago:
Do these not look like two completely different women? Sidenote: super happy to see Kim posting about supporting children’s hospitals right now, so she gets brownie points for that. At least her selfies are being taken (and edited) for a good cause.
But I just can’t get over how different she looks in every single picture, and I think this is why: every time she warps her pics, she does it slightly differently. In the new picture, for instance, she made her eyes, eyebrows, and lips humongous.
Do you see the drastic difference, even though both pictures are clearly edited? I had a field day trying to get these to line up because of the difference in features, but I lined them based on her head size and nose (even though her nose in both of them is almost completely erased). In the newer picture, her eyes are about 1.5 times the size of her eyes in the older one, even though they’re half-closed! Her eyebrows are literally double or more. And her lips are doubled, too!
I say this a lot in these articles, but the biggest problem with face editing is that your features make you look like you. ANY amount of messing with the size of your features will suddenly make you look like another person. This is why I don’t like or approve of these types of edits—it can only hurt your self-esteem by making you feel like your own features are not good enough. Like, cleaning up broken-out skin doesn’t change what you really look like, but erasing your nose and giving yourself anime eyes sure as hell does.
If you’re having trouble seeing the difference, I traced the new picture’s features:
And then laid it over the old picture:
It’s like Kim is Mr. Potato Head—all her features are just swimming all over her face in different places!
Kim on Facetune:
You cannot just go rogue on all your proportions in every single picture and then wonder why nothing looks like you. Which one is the real Kim? Well, Kim posted a video of herself doing her makeup:
And this Kim looks completely different than the previous two also! Kim, you’re a master of disguise, but I highly recommend lightening up on Facetune. You claim to be so body positive (debatable, given the types of products she shills for) and yet you are constantly playing Jenga with your own face. And I’m sick of the super weird massive eyeball trend!
Girls on Facetune:
You all look scary.
Did you notice how Facetuned the new Kim pic was? Could you tell what was off about it? Why do people give themselves giant alien eyes? Do you do this kind of editing of your photos? If so, why and do you think it affects your self-esteem in real life? LMK in the comments!
Images: Instagarm (@kimkardashian) (3); Giphy (2)
