Wait, Why Is Kim Kardashian Feuding With Jack In The Box?

In recent years, the customer service industry has seen a major shift. We’re all sick of calling helplines and being put on hold for two hours before speaking to a robot, so we’ve taken to Twitter to voice our concerns. If your flight is canceled, tweeting angrily at an airline is honestly the best route to getting your situation figured out. Just like the rest of us, celebrities experience poor customer service, and surprisingly, it seems like they don’t have some special, secret channel to get these things sorted out. Instead, they just tweet at Jack in the Box to fix their problems.

Back in January, Gigi Hadid became the laughing stock of the internet when she decided to put Postmates on blast on her Twitter. Unlike normal people, Gigi has plenty of money to send her own personal assistant to pick up her food, so it felt petty and unnecessary for her to complain. Yesterday afternoon, Kim Kardashian hopped on Twitter with some strongly worded thoughts about Jack in the Box, but was she actually using her power for the greater good? Let’s analyze what went down.

In her first tweet, Kim thoughtfully notes that she doesn’t want to fully put Jack in the Box on blast, but I feel like she kinda already did? Idk, tweeting to 60 million followers that you don’t want to put someone on blast is only slightly better than actually putting them on blast. That’s just how the rules of blasting work. This is basically the equivalent of sending an email to your whole company asking one specific coworker to please get back to you ASAP. Even if it’s important, you still look like the petty one.

While Kim was deliberately vague about what Jack in the Box did wrong, one theory immediately came to mind:

Did they get Kim’s order wrong at the drive thru? Did Kanye’s kids meal not come with the right toy? Did they not adhere to some crazy specific dietary restriction that Psalm West already has? I feel like Kim Kardashian is not an easy person to please, so there are literally seven million things that could have gone wrong at Jack in the Box to make her pop off. Maybe the restaurant’s design aesthetic wasn’t minimalist enough for her? I could keep coming up with these all day, but then Kim tweeted an important clarification:

This isn’t petty, selfish Kim. It’s wannabe lawyer, free the people, Good Samaritan Kim! This version of Kim is honestly my favorite. They should make a Marvel movie about her. She’s like Captain America, just with better style and a more impressive handbag collection. I’ll be honest, now I’m even more curious to know what grave injustice was going on at an unspecified Jack in the Box location, probably in Los Angeles. Was someone in danger? Were there bugs in the food? Was the bathroom out of toilet paper??? We may never know, but at least we can rest easy knowing that Captain Kim did everything she could.

Luckily, Kim got back to us a few short hours later, assuring us that Jack in the Box got back to her and fixed the problem. Thank god, because I would not have been able to sleep without this update. Someone at the Calabasas Jack in the Box probably got fired over this, but at least now the bathroom soap dispensers will be refilled in a timely manner.

While this whole situation definitely entertained me for the better part of an afternoon, I’ve gotta say that my favorite celebrity tweet about a customer service experience still belongs to SZA tweeting about Sephora from a few weeks ago:

Hello, yes, 911, can you please send someone to go check on Sandy? While celebrities complaining about normal person things is usually annoying, I’m obsessed with SZA tweeting this. She really dragged Sandy from Sephora location 614 Calabasas to hell and back.

Meanwhile, Captain Kim is probably roaming around other fast food locations in the Greater Los Angeles Area, looking for injustices that need to be stopped. God bless Kim, our Avenger queen.

Images: Shutterstock; @kimkardashian (3), @betchesluvthis / Twitter

Blac Chyna Is Going To Harvard

Now that we’ve all had time to process the news that Kim Kardashian is going to be a lawyer, it’s time to keep the focus on education going. This time, the news is about one of my favorite former members of the Kardashian circle, Blac Chyna. It was just a few short years ago that Rob’s relationship with Blac Chyna fell apart, and her future has been kind of uncertain since then. There have been lawsuits, a custody battle, and more FashionNova #spon than I can wrap my head around, but Blac Chyna is finally turning a corner. This week, she announced that she’s going to Harvard. Okay, like, kind of.

Earlier this week, Blac Chyna was accepted to a Business Analytics course at Harvard Business School, which basically means she’s the next Elle Woods. In reality, the class is a lot less legit than it sounds. It’s an online course, so Chyna will be able to take her tests from the comfort of her own home, in between sponcon photoshoots. The class lasts eight weeks, and it’s apparently a total workload of 40 hours which is…like nothing? TMZ is trying to say that it’s a “substantial time investment,” but I’m not buying it. 40 hours over two months is only five hours a week, which is honestly less time than I spend trying to think of excuses to call out of work.

According to the official course description, here’s what Blac Chyna can expect to learn through the grueling class:

-Recognize trends, detect outliers, and summarize data sets.

-Analyze relationships between variables. Develop and test hypotheses.

-Craft sound survey questions and draw conclusions from population samples.

-Implement regression analysis and other analytical techniques in Excel.

Blac Chyna when she’s asked to memorize Excel formulas:

I can’t wait to see Chyna put her survey-crafting skills to use with the new Insta Story quizzes! Basically, this class sounds like an extremely general intro to statistics, but really, “analyze relationships between variables” could mean pretty much anything. Blac Chyna told TMZ that “School is going to help take things up a couple of notches,” and I’m excited to see her make a chart of what those “couple of notches” look like.

After receiving the news about her (online) Harvard acceptance, Blac Chyna posted the following message to Instagram:

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Growth is painful. Change is painful. But, nothing is as painful as being where you do not belong! #newbeginnings

A post shared by Blac Chyna (@blacchyna) on

I totally get where Blac Chyna is coming from when she talks about the hate she’s received in the media over the past few years. Being in the public eye isn’t easy, and she’s been through a lot. But she lost me at “Looking Back at A lot of my actions, I’m reflecting and realizing that confusion is a serious thing.” Um…what? This sounds like an extremely word-salady way of not taking responsibility for your actions. I just…ugh.

Really though, my least favorite part of this notes app manifesto is the whole “Blac Chyna doesn’t define Angela White” bullsh*t. There’s nothing more annoying than when famous people act like their alter egos are separate humans. Girl, you ARE Blac Chyna. I’m all about the positive energy, but this is too damn much.

In case you haven’t been keeping up with the latest news in the Blac Chyna Angela White Cinematic Universe, things haven’t been all great lately. Even though she and Rob finally settled their custody issues, Chyna is still facing some other legal problems. Just last week, she was sued by her former landlord, who says that she left the house five months before the end of her lease, and just stopped paying rent. She allegedly owes almost $50,000 in rent and fees, but I’m glad she’s using that money for an online class about surveys instead.

While writing this, I’ve been reintroduced to the thotty wonderland that is Blac Chyna’s Instagram, and boy is it a treat. Basically, 80% of her posts are FashionNova ads that look like they were taken in a warehouse, then put through 47 filters. But really, the best part is the nonsensical captions.

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Act as if it was, and it will be.?✍?

A post shared by Blac Chyna (@blacchyna) on

Act as if it was, and it will be!!! Besides the fact that this statement is inherently false, I really love it when Insta-thots put motivational captions on their thirst traps. Like, sure talk about chasing dreams while you’re squatting in a blazer-dress, sure. Here’s another one of my recent favorites:

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I wish common sense was more common.?

A post shared by Blac Chyna (@blacchyna) on

Much like Blac Chyna, I also wish common sense was more common. Deep!

Blac Chyna’s Harvard class starts at the end of May, so I’m sure we can look forward to her incorporating business analytics into her Instagram thirst traps in new and exciting ways. Like, maybe she’ll be analyzing a spreadsheet while she sits on a swing, or something like that. Think this, but more technical:

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Signed, Sealed, & Delivered ?

A post shared by Blac Chyna (@blacchyna) on

This is the content I live for. I’m also really hoping that after Kim passes the bar (fingers crossed) she and Blac Chyna get a show together where they just wander around an office not knowing what to do. It’s what we deserve.

Images: Shutterstock; Giphy; @blacchyna / Instagram (4)