As we’ve learned over the years, if we can count on the Kardashians for two things, it’s their love for throwing chill, low-key birthday celebrations, and their ability to read the room. I kid, obviously. That’s why it was not at all surprising when Kim Kardashian posted a Twitter thread on Tuesday bragging about her recent private island getaway for her 40th birthday. Along with many photos of mask-less rich people having a great time in paradise, Kim wrote that the trip followed “2 weeks of multiple health screenings and asking everyone to quarantine,” and that it was a great way to “pretend things were normal just for a brief moment in time.”
The thing is, things are not normal right now. We’re still setting new records for new COVID cases, a terrifying election is less than a week away, and the sun is about to start setting at 4pm. In another tweet, Kim acknowledged her privilege and said that “for most people, this is something that is so far out of reach right now,” but somehow that doesn’t make me feel better about the fact that I haven’t seen my family in almost a year.
Here’s the original thread, in case you need a reason to be mad today:
40 and feeling so humbled and blessed. There is not a single day that I take for granted, especially during these times when we are all reminded of the things that truly matter. pic.twitter.com/p98SN0RDZD
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) October 27, 2020
As you can probably guess, people online were not happy about Kim’s posts, and she was widely criticized for being tone-deaf. But along with the criticism, this was also a prime opportunity to clown Kim, which is an internet pastime we can all get behind. People quickly started pairing her ridiculous tweet with pop culture images, et voilà, a trend was born.
After 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle with a trip to a private island where we could pretend things were normal just for a brief moment in time. pic.twitter.com/JBNGix8tRM
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) October 28, 2020
But now that we’ve laughed at the memes and cried at the fact that we’re not on a private island right now, let’s go over some key details that we know about the trip. According to E! News, the private island is located in Tahiti, and Kim obviously flew all her guests there on a private jet. Fun fact: did you know that California still advises its citizens against traveling for non-essential reasons? That’s right! The state COVID-19 website states that you should “avoid travelling long distances for vacations or pleasure as much as possible,” and that “If you do travel, take steps to keep everyone safe like wearing a face covering, keeping 6 feet of physical distance from those not in your household, and washing your hands frequently.” Obviously, lots of people in California have traveled for non-essential reasons in the last seven months, but it’s clear that Kim & Co. weren’t wearing masks or taking any other precautions while they were on the island, even if they were tested beforehand.
After 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle with a trip to a private island where we could pretend things were normal just for a brief moment in time pic.twitter.com/21k9tuufph
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) October 27, 2020
Based just on the photos Kim posted, there were at least 20 people on the trip with her, which is more than I would ever want on a group trip, but to each their own. Along with family members, there are several other random friends in the pictures, but there are some things to note about who merited an invite. Rob was in attendance, along with Scott and Tristan, who both may or may not be back together with their respective Kardashian significant others. It’s unclear how many kids were on the trip, but Mason was in one of the photos, so if Scott and Kourtney aren’t together, maybe he was just there on babysitting duty.
But there was one person who was conspicuously absent from any of the photos in Kim’s post: Kanye. Over the past few months, there have been endless rumors about the status of Kim’s relationship with Kanye, but missing out on the 40th birthday trip would be a major development. Busy on the campaign trail, perhaps? For a while, it really seemed like he wasn’t there, but then Kourtney made us question everything when she posted a photo of Kanye riding a bike in the jungle on her Instagram story.
At first, some of my coworkers wondered if this was a photo from an old trip, dropped quietly on Kourtney’s Instagram story so people would see it, but it wouldn’t really make news. This seemed like a plausible theory, but based on the model of YEEZYs that Kanye is wearing, this photo couldn’t be from any earlier than summer 2020 (I hate that I know this), so I’m guessing he really was on the birthday trip. But if that’s the case, then WHY wasn’t he in any of Kim’s photos? This didn’t just happen by accident! Netflix, I have a suggestion for the next season of Unsolved Mysteries!
At the end of the day, there’s really nothing surprising about this whole trip, or the social media posts. Kim and her family have shown us who they are time and again, and I don’t really have the energy to be outraged. Kim is gonna do Kim, and I’ll just stay in my apartment for six more months, or until someone pays for me to take a private jet somewhere. It’s fine, everything is fine!
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Images: kimkardashian, betchesluvthis / Twitter; kourtneykardash / Instagram
Kim Kardashian has now been in our lives for a very, very long time. We’ve seen her adapt from an Armenian princess who cleaned celebrity closets to the Illuminati cyborg clone we know and love. Kim’s changed her style a lot over the years, but somehow not as often as she’s changed her face. We literally could do a whole series on each of the Kardashian/Jenner clan and their ever-changing faces, but for now we’ll focus on Kim. (Although my favorite Kardashian is Khloé, because she’s sassy.) And remember, if it weren’t for Kim having sex on camera and Kris Jenner being a marketing genius, none of these people would have careers. Let’s take a look at how much has changed since Kim first came into the limelight.
Ah, 2006 Kim. She looks so different here, it’s insane. This is actually even before KUWTK, when she was simply holding Paris’s handbags and cleaning her closet. The good old days, if you will. Who would have thought Kim would turn into who she is now?
This is the year KUWTK started. Kim decided that the real essential to her look would be very dark glitter eyeshadow. But the nude MAC Lipglass stays. This is also when Kim discovered fillers.
Kim figures out how to give herself a forehead! This is actually how I remember Kim in general: like, she’s cute, dating Reggie Bush I think, but very much still looks like a naturally pretty Armenian girl. This is before the white-washing begins.
2008 Kim to 2009 Kim isn’t even the same person??? Like, what exactly has happened here? I want to say she had a nose job, but her nose looks the same. Her skin is way lighter, so I don’t know if this is like a skin-bleaching regimen or she just learned to use sunscreen like the rest of us. Her lips definitely have a bit more filler, but it’s nothing compared to what’s coming up.
This is the year that every woman thought they could be Angelina Jolie with enough injections. It doesn’t work that way. I know this because this is exactly what my mom also looked like that year: puffy and her face doesn’t move correctly. Yikes.
Ok, THIS is the year of the nose job (it looks way thinner) and when Kim really, really needed to lay off the fillers and botox. Look at those eyebrows! She’s an inch away from cartoon movie villain. Maybe it’s just the spidery bottom lashes, but she looks a bit scary.
Oh good, this is the year that Kim learned to blend. These must be the Kanye years. It also seems like she laid off some of the fillers (except for her lips, for sure).
Kim lightens her hair and gets a better makeup artist. I actually still really love this look. I don’t know if it’s just the softer eye makeup and the lighter hair, but she’s looking very, very different to me from the last pic. Is her nose the same? Her skin even looks way lighter to me too? How is this the same woman??
LOL remember how I said Kim looked way lighter in the last photo? Kim has now eschewed her Armenian heritage completely. Her nose looks even thinner, but I’ll guess it’s a contour. Did we do contours in 2014? We must have, because her face looks way thinner and more chiseled too. Or I guess that could be fillers? She’s gotten very thick, Muppets-y eyelashes from 2007 on as well. IDK.
Kim’s lashes and lips keep growing. She explores vampy looks. She lays off the cheek and brow filler (highly recommend) but adds more to the lips. I am rapidly losing interest in this. Is anyone still reading this?
Kim decided that while Kylie was building her billion dollar empire on having huge lips, Kim would be the queen of zero lips. Not a great look, Kimmie. Also, her forehead is a different color than the rest of her face. She looks very, very pale. Also, her eyeshadow is from The Lion King. That is all.
Kim gets a tan and is a blonde. I hate the roots on this wig. I don’t mind roots showing with intention, but at least blend a little. Her eyebrows are super thick for this look. Her nose and cheeks look super different as well? Like, the nose is way thinner? Is this another nose job or a contour? I can’t even tell with these people. The cheeks are so big and sharp they could cut glass.
Kim’s lips are huuuuuge compared to 2017. Maybe she had just gotten them done. I do like when Kim decided to go more natural with less makeup and dark, casual waves. But is it considered more natural when it’s 100 pounds of foundation and lighter makeup? Or more natural when she’s walking around with a gigantic mane of fake hair? IDK?
And here we are, our current Kim K. She looks a bit… puffy to me. It’s v similar to 2010 with all the fillers. But what’s really crazy is that this woman now has completely generic features compared to her 2006 counterpart. I mean:
Do these people even know each other? They don’t really even look related. And if you want to see a GIF of Kim’s faces over the years, here it is:
Which Kim is your favorite? Do you think her face has changed a lot? What do you think about celebrities that white wash themselves once they’re famous? LMK!
Images: Getty Images
Hey friends, it’s a big day. Today, October 21st, is the birthday of my personal idol and savior, Kim Kardashian. Or, more accurately, Kimberly Noel Kardashian-West. Mama KiKi is 38 years old today, and it seems like things have never been better. She’s rich AF, she has three beautiful children, and she’s still the hottest person on the planet (don’t @ me). The only thing that’s wrong? Oh yeah, her husband has lost his godd*mn mind. Things have been rough in Kanye-land these past few months, and people have even been wondering if Kim would leave him over his pro-Trump views. I doubt this will happen, but now seems like a good time to revisit some of Kim’s past relationships. I present, without a shred of scientific evidence, a ranking of Kim Kardashian’s exes.
5. Damon Thomas
It’s easy to forget about Kim Kardashian’s first marriage, because nobody GAF about Kim when she was married to Damon. But the story here is pretty sketchy. First of all, Damon is 10 years older than Kim, and they eloped when she was just 19. Okay, ew. They were married in 2000, and filed for divorce in 2003. They’ve kept quiet about the marriage, but their public divorce papers are really bleak. Apparently, Damon was super controlling, pushing Kim to get plastic surgery and spend less time with her family. Kim was also reportedly a victim of domestic violence, which is really sad. Thank God Kimmy got out of there when she did.
4. Ray J
Ah yes, Ray J. To be honest, I almost forgot about this relationship, even though it’s really what started the whole Kardashian empire. Ray J really ain’t sh*t, but it’s hard to be worse than the abusive husband. When the infamous sex tape came out, Kim filed a lawsuit about it, which makes it seem like Ray J was probably the one who leaked it. This is obviously not cool, and Kim reportedly settled the lawsuit for $5 million. Good job Kim, get those coins.
3. Nick Lachey
Get ready for a throwback. Way back in 2006, Nick Lachey briefly dated Kim, right after he split up with Jessica Simpson. At the time, Kim was just a stylist, and the People article about them dating is hilarious. In the headline, Kim is just referred to as Nick’s “new gal,” which truly shows how much the world has changed since 2006. Kim, you’ve come so far. I’ve always liked Nick, even if this relationship wasn’t anything important.
2. Kris Humphries
Everyone can probably agree that the 72-day marriage was not Kim’s finest moment. It’s hard to say if anyone was really at fault here, but obviously this relationship was not ever meant to be something serious. I was never impressed with Kris, considering that he looks and acts like a caveman, and their relationship was a little too perfectly designed for the KUWTK cameras. He doesn’t seem like a bad guy necessarily, but I don’t really have any idea what he’s up to these days, nor do I care.
1. Reggie Bush
Let me be real, I kinda miss Reggie? He and Kim were together for years, and their relationship was a central part of the early seasons of Keeping Up. At the time, he was always really busy with his football career in New Orleans, and things didn’t work out. They split for the last time in 2010, and he subsequently married another Armenian, dancer Lilit Avagyan. What can I say, the guy has a type. He seems happy these days, but his years with Kim will always be a golden age in my mind.
Kim Kardashian has definitely been spotted out with some other randos throughout the years, but I tried to hit all the important spots. Do you think Kanye will be an ex in the future, or will Kimye stick it out forever? There’s no way to know, but for now, I just hope Kim has a nice birthday.
Images: Shutterstock; @rayj / Instagram; @lilitslife / Instagram