It’s been an interesting year for celebrity news, but oddly enough, the Kardashians have been pretty quiet so far in 2020. Sure, we saw Kendall hanging out with Jordyn Woods’ ex, and Kylie has been buying enough land to build a cult headquarters (just a theory I have), but all of that barely registers compared to the storylines that Kris Jenner has been cooking up for the past 15 years. But we all know Kris works harder than the devil himself, and this week, rumors spread that Khloé Kardashian is having another baby with Tristan.
Yes, that Tristan. As in, Tristan Thompson, who cheated on Khloé just before she gave birth to their first baby together. And the same Tristan who may or may not have hooked up with Jordyn Woods. After that whole fiasco, Khloé dumped Tristan, and aside from the necessary coparenting relationship, we all assumed things were over between them. But with this family, things are never just that simple.
This week, celebrity news outlet GOSSIPOFTHECITY reported that Khloé is expecting a second child with Tristan, and that she’s been hinting on Instagram that the baby is a girl. Okay, not so fast. While this felt like it could be true, and there was definitely some possible evidence here, this report didn’t actually cite any sources other than what Khloé has posted on Instagram. But even with thin evidence at best, we could still analyze what was in front of us.
Like many of us right now, Khloé has been posting a lot of throwbacks on Instagram. While this could just be a side effect of not being able to go anywhere/do anything during quarantine, it’s also reminiscent of Kylie Jenner’s strategy for hiding her entire pregnancy. Khloé has also posted some more current photos of herself, but they’re all cropped pretty close on her face, eliminating any risk of showing a baby bump. These patterns in her posts aren’t proof of anything, but they would make sense if Khloé is, in fact, pregnant.
In addition to the Khloé’s posts of herself, GOSSIPINTHECITY also pointed to her posting lots of pictures of pink things as evidence that her alleged second child is going to be a girl. Yeah, this is gonna be a “you’re reaching” from me. While these fluffy pink clouds are cute, they’re not like, out of character for Khloé’s vibe on social media. KoKo loves posting random sh*t—remember all those nonsense quotes and inspirational posts on her story after the Tristan and Jordyn scandal? The clouds are cool, but I’m not convinced they actually mean anything.
Aside from any potential Instagram clues, the biggest indicator that this might have been real was what Khloé herself has said on TV. On this season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, which was filmed in the fall of 2019, we’ve seen Tristan rebuilding his relationship with Khloé and her family. While it’s nice to see True’s parents on good terms, Khloé has talked about struggling to set boundaries with Tristan. But we’ve also seen Khloé talk about wanting to give True a sibling sooner rather than later, and that she would be open to using Tristan’s sperm to make that happen. Sorry for that, but I’m just repeating what she said.
On the show, we’ve seen this depicted as an idea that could happen at some point in the future, but that was happening six months ago. Whether Khloé and Tristan went the IVF route, or they had a little baby-making rendezvous, they could easily have another baby on the way at this point. There’s been talk of whether Khloé could be pregnant for weeks now, and today, the rumors reached a fever pitch.
UPDATE: But as the speculation spread around the internet on Wednesday, people started getting a little out of hand. On Twitter, many people criticized her for taking Tristan back or deciding to have another child with him, none of which was ever confirmed. Things got so crazy that Khloé felt the need to address the situation on Twitter:
Funny how picky&choosy some can be with who and how you feel others should live their lives. I believe people should focus on their own lives/families, put energy into bettering the scary world we are currently living in, and try projecting positivity as opposed to nastiness.
— Khloé (@khloekardashian) May 13, 2020
The nasty things you’re saying about me over A RUMOR! I have seen so many hurtful/despicable stories and tweets about me over a false story. And if it were true…. it’s MY LIFE, NOT YOURS.
— Khloé (@khloekardashian) May 13, 2020
Funny how picky&choosy some can be with who and how you feel others should live their lives. I believe people should focus on their own lives/families, put energy into bettering the scary world we are currently living in, and try projecting positivity as opposed to nastiness.
— Khloé (@khloekardashian) May 13, 2020
So uhh, those throwback pictures were fun, but I guess they didn’t mean anything? While Khloé doesn’t get into a lot of specifics, it seems pretty safe to say that she’s not pregnant, and she and Tristan aren’t back together as anything more than True’s parents. This all started out as a fun guessing game about her social media posts—and Khloé doesn’t even really seem pissed about the pregnancy rumor—but it was quickly ruined by trolls who took things too far. Khloé can do whatever she wants in her personal life, and if that includes having another baby with Tristan, then why not? Just because we like talking about these people’s lives doesn’t mean we know everything, and ripping into strangers on Twitter is such a waste of time.
Images: Eugene Powers / Shutterstock.com; khloekardashian / Instagram; khloekardashian / Twitter
All right, everyone. It’s finally happened: the moment we’ve been waiting for for months. Khloé Kardashian confirmed her pregnancy in an Instagram post, so we can all finally sleep at night. Years from now, we will all recall this day and remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when this important historical moment occurred. Like, for instance, I will remember that I was getting my makeup done for the first inaugural Betches Meme Gala, and I will recall not-very-fondly how annoyed I am was that she couldn’t have picked a more convenient moment, like, I don’t know, any time during the traditional workday? She did it with the rumors, and now she’s doing it again with the official announcement. I get that it’s only like, 3pm in LA right now, but can’t Khloé think of anyone other than herself, i.e., the people in New York writing the news? Anyway, here’s the Instagram.
I’m honestly very happy for Khloé and Tristan, and I’m sure their baby is going to be beautiful, but I still feel like this photo was just irresponsible. Like, the Calvin Klein cotton bralette is ALREADY the basic bitch uniform, and now Khloé has gone and made it an iconic piece of history. We’ll never see the end of this undergarment. Not to mention, this photo is going to spawn knock-offs from everyone from late-night comedians to random girls from your high school, and I for one don’t want to have to see Amber from freshman year geometry attempt to recreate this photo with the same bra and some very bad acrylics when she announces the inception of her devil spawn. This picture is just a little too accessible to the masses, you know?
All jokes aside, I’m really happy for Khloé and Tristan. Reading that caption, I can just feel the joy leaping off my computer screen (genuine feelings; not sarcasm). I just want to know two things: Is it a girl or a boy? And Kylie, what’s good?
Another day, another breadcrumb in the Kardashian pregnancy conspiracy theory thread. Today’s latest piece of evidence that probably confirms what we’ve all shadily known for months comes courtesy of Khloé Kardashian’s Snapchat, where it looks like she may have dropped an accidental clue. But then again, is anything really accidental when Kris Jenner is involved? Other than these pregnancies, probably not. Actually, Khloé’s pregnancy was probably planned, but you get what I mean. (Kylie’s was definitely an accident, though, because I refuse to believe that anyone, even a rapper who recently rapped “let me cum inside ya / let me plant my seed inside ya”, would purposefully impregnate a 20-year-old Kylie Jenner.) Anyway. On Sunday, Khloé promoted her Diff Eyewear sunglasses on her Snapchat story, where some eagle eyes noticed something very interesting in the reflection of her shades.
Do you see it? Me either, because I’m not a psychopath I have no idea what I’m looking for. So look carefully into the left lens (your left—not Khloé’s). Do you see what looks like a person laying face-down wearing white pants? Yeah. That is probably not a dead body, and is more likely a pregnancy pillow. Here’s a photo in case you are unable to conjure up a mental image of one such pillow on your own (don’t worry, I have never even heard of these things until just now).
So I mean, yeah, that’s probably what this is, but I still have to ask: Why does it look like there’s a torso attached to this pillow, though? I still may call the police just to be sure. Like, how do we know this isn’t Rob’s lifeless body? WE DON’T. Somebody check on Rob to make sure he’s okay.
On a less morbid note, this pillow could, I guess, be Kylie’s or Kim’s or even left over from Kourtney’s or Blac Chyna’s pregnancies. Maybe it’s like, the sisterhood of the traveling pregnancy pillow. Do I really think that? No. But I’ve got to throw out all viable options in the name of journalism. It could also be like, a pair of Tristan’s pants he left on the floor or some shit. Maybe Khloé is sub-Snapchatting him for not picking up after himself. It’s probably the pregnancy pillow, though. #Journalism. I will now await my Pulitzer prize.
That’s all the news I have for today. Stay tuned for December 24th, when an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians entitled “Baby Fever” is slated to air. That’s right. On Christmas. The devil may work hard, but Kris Jenner works a hell of a lot harder. Actually, you can’t tell me Kris Jenner isn’t the devil. Who else would drop news this big on fucking Christmas? I’ll wait.
It’s been a long, wild ride on the Kardashian Pregnancy Rumor Roller Coaster Extraordinaire, also known as the Kris Jenner 4000. Rumors broke a long-ass time ago that Khloé and Kylie are pregnant, but nobody from the Kardashian camp has confirmed anything. STILL. Many of us believed they would make the official announcement in the form of a baby bump reveal in the Kardashian Christmas card, but Khloé’s first appearance yesterday seems to have discredited that theory. But where Kris Jenner giveth away, she also taketh, because the newly released trailer for the new episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians provides a major clue.
There’s one point in the trailer where the whole clan is gathered ’round at what looks to be a party, and it looks like Khloé has just dropped some big news. Everyone is seen gasping and crying, and Kim turns to Kris and says, “Did you not know?” Kris says, “No!” and then everyone hugs Khloé. Now, there are a lot of things one could announce that would fit into this scene, but naturally many people (aka me and my coworkers) are inclined to believe this is the moment Khloé reveals she’s pregnant. There’s also a moment, earlier in the trailer, where Kris is seeing calling Kylie. She says, “Hi, Kylie,” and then, “WHAT?!” so that could be the moment she finds out her 20-year-old daughter is pregnant. But that’s quickly followed up with a, “Should we have her arrested?” so I’m less convinced about that. Then again, I do personally think Kylie Jenner should be arrested for daring to bring her spawn into this world, but I sadly am not a District Attorney so I don’t have the power to bring charges against her.
Anyway, watch the whole video below and comment with your conspiracy theories.
Gather ’round now, children, and listen to my latest Kardashian theory. We have “known” Khloé and Kylie have reportedly been pregnant for a while now, but we can’t officially say so, because nothing has been confirmed by the Kardashian family. Many of us thought Khloé and Kylie would announce their pregnancies on December 23rd, when their baby bumps would be revealed to the world in the Kardashian Kristmas Kard (sidenote: it really should be spelled that way). The Kardashians been dropping bits and pieces of it like a GAP-sponsored advent calendar, so we all prepared for the inevitable moment when, on the last day, Khloé and Kylie’s pregnancies would be confirmed via indisputable photographic evidence. Well it looks like that theory just got thrown out the window, because Khloé appeared in today’s Christmas card photo looking decidedly not pregnant. Please take a moment now to collect yourselves after the current shock and disbelief you are feeling. Is it acceptable for me to go through the stages of grief? Because that’s what I’m currently experiencing.
In the photo, which Kim dropped on Instagram today, we see Reign, Mason, and North crawling around and generally doing what children do. We see Kim playing with Saint. We see Kris and Kris’s mom sitting and having a chat. We see Khloé holding Dream, Rob’s daughter (so I guess this means neither Rob nor Blac Chyna will appear in the card?). We can’t see Khloé’s face, but we can see her signature ombre blond lob. You know what we can’t see, though? Any evidence of a baby bump. Don’t just take my word for it. See for yourself.
Day 13 – 25 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS BY @elirusselllinnetz pic.twitter.com/LRvM4M3RVQ
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) December 13, 2017
I blew this picture up on my computer and zoomed in as much as I could, and still I see no hint of a baby bump. Now, could Khloé be one of those lucky bitches people who doesn’t really show very much? Sure. One of my cousins was like that when she was pregnant—that bitch was skinnier than me on a good day. But none of it makes sense. Khloé has been spotted wearing baggy clothes, is only being filmed from the chest up, and often covers her stomach with her purse when out in public. Why would she be doing any of this if she has no discernible baby bump? Is it possible she isn’t pregnant after all, and this has been one giant Kardashian media circus? WHO CAN I TRUST ANYMORE??
I don’t think it’s an overreaction to say that I haven’t felt this massive of a betrayal since my last boyfriend cheated on me. No—this is worse than that. I was rooting for a Khloé pregnancy and finally coming around to the idea of Kylie procreating, only to have it all ripped away from under my eyes with one photo. I don’t know anything anymore. As I contemplate my existence, I will be on the floor of my bedroom, rocking in the fetal position, until more news develops.
This fall, while everyone has been busy talking about the Mueller investigation and when Trump will get indicted, we’ve been focused on investigating something more important: the mysterious Kardashian pregnancies. It’s been months at this point, and both Kylie and Khloé have managed to somehow avoid fully confirming their ~alleged~ pregnancies. But that might be about to change. It looks like Khloé is getting ready to announce her pregnancy, and here’s why.
On the most recent episode of Keeping Up, it was Christmas at Kris Jenner’s house, and she just couldn’t keep her mouth shut about her many grandchildren. The family had their big Christmas dinner (filmed in October, naturally), and Kris started to tear up while giving the following speech:
“I used to pray that one of you guys would have a baby. And now it’s like a faucet that that we turned on and it won’t turn off, so the fact that I have all these grandchildren—it’s been the most amazing journey to watch your kids . It’s truly the meaning of life.”
So besides Kris being a hormonal mess, she’s also basically giving confirmation that like, all of her children are currently pregnant. She also goes Christmas shopping in the episode, and she talks about shopping for her grandkids as something that “never seems to end.” Kris is teasing us, and we need more info.
Another interesting development came this week when Kris bought another mansion in LA, adding to her family’s already impressive LA real estate portfolio. It’s unclear who or what the house is for, but Kris definitely doesn’t need it. Our theory is that she could be getting a new house ready for Khloé while Khloé is busy hanging out with Tristan in Cleveland.
Khloé’s been spending most of her time in Cleveland recently, which makes sense, because Tristan is there for the NBA season, but also because there are literally no paparazzi in Ohio. When Khloé has been out and about, she’s been wearing giant sweatshirts and holding her purse in front of her stomach, because that doesn’t draw any attention.
So here’s our guess: Kim’s baby is supposedly due before Christmas, which means she’ll be the center of attention a month from now. If Khloé announces her pregnancy sometime in the next couple weeks, it’ll give her the perfect time in the spotlight, and then she can go back to Cleveland and lay on the couch until the baby comes. Khloé’s time as the center of attention has been historically pretty limited, so she should really seize this opportunity to be the most important sister.
Well, friends, I hate to say I told you so, but it is possible that I fucking told you so. Remember when we all found out Kylie Jenner and Khloé Kardashian were both pregnant at the same damn time? And remember how I wasn’t convinced? Mostly because I stan too hard for Travis Scott to accept that he will be tied to this garbage family for the next 18 years, but that’s neither here nor there? And remember when I hypothesized that these pregnancy rumors are all a cleverly orchestrated publicity stunt to sell some Kylie lip kits? Well, strap on your tinfoil hats, because Kylie and Khloé did a video together for—wait for it—KYLIE COSMETICS IN LOVE WITH THE KOKO COLLECTION. Check and mate.
First of all, Kylie and Khloé look nearly identical because Kylie decided to swap out her whatever-the-fuck-her-last-hair-color-was locks in favor of some long blonde loose waves. Just like Khloé’s. I mean, I know that they say you start to look like people you spend a lot of time with, but this is a little out of hand.
But aside from that, let’s discuss WTF is going on with these outfits. Kylie is wearing, just like, a man’s overcoat? Whatever it is, it’s clearly way too big for her.
Seriously, this brings me back to literally this past Sunday, when I was cold at the beer garden and my dad insisted I wear his jacket. So I’ve got to ask: Literally why is she wearing this, when her usual M.O. is to show as much skin as possible? Is Kylie covering up a baby bump? Was the AC in their recording room on too high? Is she secretly three toddlers standing on each other’s shoulders? I obviously don’t have the answers. But consider what Kylie was wearing in her last lip kit reveal video, which came out right after the pregnancy reports hit the news.
Ah, yes. That’s the Kylie we know and love: wearing some kind of vaguely athletic tank situation that shows off her boobs. Not this giant overcoat! I mean, it’s kind of comical actually. If Kylie is trying to hide a baby bump, there are a lot more subtle ways to do it. Then again, Kylie Jenner is not exactly known for her signature brand of subtlety.
I have no real comments or insights into Khloé’s situation vis-à-vis this video, other than to point out that the camera never really pans below her neck. That is at least a little suspect. Stay with me, though. News literally just broke that sources have confirmed to UsWeekly that Khloé Kardashian and Tristan Thompson are expecting a boy, so this could really be real. Yes, I said UsWeekly, so do with that information what you will. I would like to add that I watched Kylie and Khloé’s entire five-minute video and learned nothing of importance, other than that Khloé must give a lot of head. Seriously, she talks about sucking dick in those lip kits multiple times. Like, fam, your little sister is RIGHT THERE. Is that not weird to you? Also, if your first thought upon seeing a lip color is, “This is going to look great on my man’s penis!” then 1) you’re wrong, because Kylie Lip Kits do not come off, even when wrapped around a dick, and 2) you have issues.
Until I see this information reported on by a media outlet owned by Ryan Seacrest himself, I’m going to continue to lead the charge of Kardashian Pregnancy Truthers. One thing’s for sure, though: It’s Kris Jenner’s world, and we’re all just living in it.
You guys, it pains me to say this, but it’s starting to look like all of the Kardashians are actually pregnant. AT THE SAME TIME. *takes slow, calming breaths* I’m not sure how Kris did it, but she managed to sabotage all of her children’s birth control in one fell swoop. You know, except with Rob. Kris is ambitious, not completely reckless. Over the past few weeks it’s been theorized that aside from Kim’s confirmed pregnancy, Kylie, Khloé, and now potentially Kourtney are all also pregnant. That means we might have FOUR new Kardashians in 2018. Lol, and just when we thought 2018 was going to be our year. The inside of my mind is starting to resemble a Criminal Minds crime board with how quickly I’m trying to Keep Up and connect the dots, but in all of the carefully assembled PR stunts chaos, I’ve somehow managed to still find the time to theorize about Kardashian baby names. It’s all about how you waste your time multitask these days, you know? Not to brag, but I’ve been Keeping Up with these hoes since season one of KUWTK, so I’d say I have a pretty good idea of what goes on inside the mind of a Kardashian. *adds “find better hobbies” to to-do list* So here are my Kardashian baby name predictions based off my extensive knowledge of the inner-workings of this batshit family:
KIM
GIRL: Second
BOY: Savior
Let’s start with Kimmy, seeing as she’s the only confirmed pregnancy at the moment. Now, if you’ll recall, Kim hired Offred a surrogate to carry her third child. So naturally, Kim has been living her best life preparing for the baby’s arrival by showing off her semi-nude body every chance she gets. Meanwhile, her surrogate is confined to the basement of Kris’s Calabasas mansion living off Kombucha and prenatal vitamins, listening to Kanye’s latest album on loop, and reading aloud the contents of Selfish to her stomach at bedtime (I assume). Kim and Kanye will most definitely name their child something like Savior or Second (as in the second coming) because, let’s face it, they think all of their children are the second coming of Jesus Christ even though the only reason Kim isn’t still cleaning out Paris Hilton’s closet is because Kris knew the right people to pimp out her daughter’s sex tape to. Without the added pregnancy weight or the pain of childbirth to humble her, Kim will throw subtlety to the wind and go all out when naming this child.
KHLOE
GIRL: Gratitude
BOY: Miraculous
Khloé has reportedly been trying to have a baby for longer than I’ve been (legally) allowed to drink. If she did impregnate herself with a used condom 2.5 seconds after Tristan Thompson left her apartment by some miracle she is pregnant, then Mazel Tov, I can’t think of a more deserving person for this to happen to. I only hope that the baby will be as savage as she is. That said, Khloé will choose a name that reflects how grateful she is for her kid. Something that says “I’ve been poking holes in condoms praying for this moment for years.”
KOURTNEY
GIRL: Courtney
BOY: Younes
Kourtney’s hard to predict for many reasons. On the one hand, she named her first two children, Mason and Penelope, relatively normal names. I’m guessing she let Scott name Reign before she realized he was still on a bender when she went into labor. That’s the only explanation for that name, really. But on the other hand, Kourtney’s weird AF. I wouldn’t put it past her to name her fourth born after her favorite brand of organic deodorant. That said, if it’s a boy I think Kourtney will name him after the father, aka hot model Younes Bendjima, as one last fuck you to Scott. If the baby’s a girl, I think she’ll name it after herself because she DGAF and knows that she’s a queen among peasants and so too will be her child. She’ll spell it with a “C”, though, to make it different and also as one last fuck you to Kris Jenner.
KYLIE
GIRL: Dolce
BOY: Dolce
Even though Kylie just barely made it out of teen mom territory, she’s not stupid. At 20 years old, she’s built herself a billion-dollar business off of pretending that any sort of makeup product gave her that face. And we’re all falling for it, one seasonal lip kit at a time. *internally screams* Lately, though, Kylie’s had to compete with the likes of Rihanna, who actually sells quality makeup, so I’m sure Kylie will use this baby as some sort of PR stunt for her beauty empire. She’ll name her kid something brandable, like Dolce—a name she found on Tumblr, along with her fashion inspiration, and which was also one of her best-selling lip kits. She’ll come out with a new lip kit based on the kid’s eye color or the color of its first shit and call it “Dolce Like The Ocean” which will make no fucking sense, but you’ll buy it anyway because it sold out in the first five seconds so that has to mean something, RIGHT?! Regardless of the baby’s gender, the name will stay the same: Dolce. She’s hoping for a girl, but will keep the name if it’s a boy because she’ll be in denial.
K, if you need me I’ll just be here, constantly refreshing every entertainment site to see if we can go one fucking week without another Kardashian pregnancy. Tbh, I don’t have high hopes that Kris or MJ won’t come out as pregnant next. If anyone could defy science, it’s this fucking family.
