Jamie Lynn Spears Would Like To Be Excluded From This Narrative

We’re at the one-week mark since Britney Spears’ internet-breaking statement in court, and it’s still unclear what the ultimate impact will be. On Tuesday afternoon, TMZ published, and then quickly deleted, a story claiming that Britney’s attorney had filed a petition to end the conservatorship. It appears that this was an unfortunate misfire, and despite Britney’s apparent desire for the conservatorship to be terminated, it doesn’t look like any formal paperwork has been filed yet.

So while we wait for any legal progress on the #FreeBritney frontier, all we can do is overanalyze the situation and come up with new theories about WTF went wrong here. Since Britney spoke last week, one of the biggest internet scapegoats has been her sister, Jamie Lynn Spears. While Jamie Lynn’s role in the conservatorship is less prominent than her parents’, many feel that she hasn’t done enough to support her sister, and that her continued silence signaled approval of the toxic situation.

On Monday, Jamie Lynn Spears finally spoke out on the situation in a series of videos posted to her Instagram story. She seemed frustrated by the negative attention she was receiving, and distanced herself from the particulars of Britney’s situation, saying “This situation does not affect me either way, because I am only her sister who’s only concerned about her happiness.” She specified that she’s “made a very conscious choice” to only participate in Britney’s life as her sister and aunt to her two sons, and said “I am not my family.” She added that she thinks Britney should be able to end the conservatorship if she wants to, but basically said she has nothing to do with the whole situation.

So like, okay, Jamie Lynn isn’t involved in the same way her parents or the attorneys are, but is she really that detached from the whole situation? Ehh, not exactly. Actually, legal documents show that Jamie Lynn was quietly added as a trustee for her sister in 2018. Seemingly, this means that if Britney passed away, it would be Jamie Lynn’s responsibility to make sure her money was placed in the trust designated to take care of her children.

That role makes sense, but some Britney fans have taken issue with Jamie Lynn’s claim that she has “nothing to gain” from Britney’s financial situation. Financial disbursement records posted by a fan account on Twitter show that Britney’s funds were used to pay for several of Jamie Lynn’s flights in just a two-month period in 2012, totaling around $2000. Jamie Lynn claimed on Instagram that she’s paid her own bills since she was 10, but apparently that doesn’t extend to seat upgrades on United flights. It’s impossible to know the exact nature of Jamie Lynn’s involvement in this whole situation, but people are skeptical of how she’s portraying her relationship with Britney.

So Jamie Lynn is serving mixed signals, but yesterday, both of Britney’s ex-husbands came out in support of Britney’s quest to end her conservatorship. Kevin Federline’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan, shared a statement of support for Britney, saying she “has not been served well by the conservatorship and it’s not consistent with what she wants. I think that she should be able to challenge that. And if it’s what’s best for her, Kevin supports it.” K-Fed and Britney have a complicated history with each other, but Kevin isn’t the biggest fan of Britney’s father either—he still has a restraining order against Jamie stemming from an incident in 2019, when Jamie allegedly got into a physical altercation with his grandson, Sean Preston. Kaplan noted that when it comes to the kids, “the best thing would be for their mom to be healthy and happy. And if either of those things aren’t true, it doesn’t provide the best setting for custody to be exercised.” That lawyer-speak isn’t the most satisfying, but at the end of the day, K-Fed clearly wants Britney to be okay.

In other ex-husband news, Jason Alexander (the one from the 55-hour marriage) shared some passionate words with another fan account. He acknowledged that he’s “really just an outsider in all this,” but said that despite being forced to sign an NDA, he “cannot in good faith stay silent” about what he observed in his time with Britney. He wrote, “Even back in the day we all saw signs of Jamie’s greed. He had his daughter on a tight chain then just like he does now.”

Jason declined to share details, saying it’s not his story to tell, but said that if Britney decides to do an interview or write a book someday, “the things she reveals will be bone chilling to the core.” You just know Oprah is foaming at the mouth right now. But really, when the 55-hour ex who has been the butt of every joke for 17 years feels like he can’t stay silent, you know sh*t is really bad. Is Jason Alexander suddenly kind of iconic?

Aside from these people in her life, Britney Spears has received a massive outpouring of support in the last week, with celebrities like Cher, Mariah Carey, and Christina Aguilera calling for the end of the conservatorship. While the rest of the world is rooting for Britney, hopefully Brit’s attorney is hard at work on the paperwork to request termination of the conservatorship—how long does it take to fill out a form?

Images: Image Group LA / Contributor

Britney Spears Lost 50/50 Custody Of Her Kids

Who ever thought that, in the year 2019, we would still be talking about Britney Spears and Kevin Federline? It’s been over a decade since they split up, but there’s new drama in the custody arrangements for their two sons, and it all traces back to Britney’s dad.

Obviously, this has been a chaotic year for Britney and her dad Jamie, with rumors that he was holding her against her will, and a #FreeBritney movement being started. We never really knew all the facts there, and Britney has assured everyone that she’s fine on Instagram, but it definitely seemed like something wasn’t right with the whole family situation.

Things escalated last month, when Britney took her sons to her dad Jamie’s house for a visit. For reference, Brit’s two sons Sean Preston and Jayden James are 13 and 12 years old, which makes me feel absolutely ancient. I remember when she was driving with the babies on her lap, so times really have changed. While at her dad’s house, a disagreement broke out that led to an alleged physical altercation. According to the police report that Kevin Federline filed, their son Sean Preston was behind a locked bedroom door, and Jamie Spears allegedly broke down the door, then “violently shook” Sean. Yikes. Britney then took her two sons away from Jamie’s house, and Kevin was called to come pick them up.

While Britney and K-Fed (I missed saying that name) had previously been splitting custody 50/50, they’ve agreed to a new arrangement where Britney will only get the boys 30% of the time. Apparently this new arrangement was first discussed over a year ago, but was only finalized last week. I don’t know exactly how these cases work, but I have a feeling this timing probably wasn’t a coincidence. The attorney filing the custody papers also said that Britney really only has the boys for around 10% of the time, and that her time with them is usually supervised. This sounds sad, but again, we really don’t know if Britney is in a position to be taking care of her kids.

In addition to the new custody agreement, Kevin Federline has been granted a restraining order against Jamie Spears. While we still don’t know the whole truth of everything that’s gone down with Britney and her dad, it seems like he’s the root of a lot of these issues. Obviously, Britney has her own sh*t to deal with, but it seems like her dad might not be the right person to help her at this point. In 2018, K-Fed also got increased child support from Britney, because he’s taking care of the kids more, and making less money than he did when they made the initial agreement in 2007.

Overall, this situation seems like one big mess, but hopefully the new agreement is the best thing for everyone involved. At least Britney Spears still gets to spend time with her kids, even if it isn’t a lot. And hopefully Jamie Spears can get his sh*t together, because he honestly sounds like a nightmare. IDK if we still need to #FreeBritney, but I’m rooting for her no matter what.

Images: Shutterstock; Giphy

7 Celebrity Couples Who Barely Knew Each Other Before Getting Engaged

So we guess Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson read our article about how they’re pretty strange as a couple, but kind of work well together. (Come on, Ariana Grande is definitely the kind of girl who Googles herself.) Anyway, it sounds like they took that article to heart and decided to get engaged. Um…okay. But before you judge them, check out some couples that dated for only a hot minute before getting engaged. Sure, almost none of their marriages lasted. But still, at least they got some (short-lived) marital bliss!

1. Lamar Odom And Khloé Kardashian

Khloé Kardashian and NBA basketball players go together like Adderall and double vodka Red Bulls. Sure, it’s a euphoric buzz at first, but that buzz will eventually devolve into some fucked up shit. Khloé and Lamar knew each other for 30 days before they got married. And you know what? They were actually really sweet together—until he started cheating on her all the time and developed a horrific drug addiction. The four year relationship lasted longer than we thought it would. Khloé is easily the most likable Kardashian and the one we root for the most, so it broke our hearts a little to see her get screwed over, but at least we never have to hear her talk in that cringeworthy baby voice to “Lam Lam” ever again.

2. Nick Cannon And Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey is the ultimate diva, and while we may worship her for that, I’d imagine that it’s got to be kind of hard to put up with that as a husband. So we gotta hand it to Nick Cannon for giving marriage to Mariah Carey a shot. He seriously said they listen to her music while they had sex. Usually I want to inject crazy celebrity sex myths into my veins, but even that was a bit difficult to stomach. But did you know they were only dating for six weeks before they got engaged? That’s kind of a short time to get to know someone and get a sense of how difficult and high-maintenance they can truly be. So maybe that explains why he married her to begin with. 

3. Russell Brand And Katy Perry

Katy Perry has a history of doomed relationships. She dated playboy John Mayer on and off for a couple of years. And honestly, in spite of his sketchy history (remember when he dated Scheana from Vanderpump Rules?) we understood. Have you heard his music? You have two ears and a heart, don’t you? Then she moved on to Riff Raff and Diplo, who both look like what you would find at the bottom of your shoe after a bender at Electric Daisy Carnival. But Russell Brand was the man who lead the revolving door of fuckboys that come in and out of Katy’s life. Russell Brand. He’s a comedian (red flag because of their emotional issues), admitted sex addict (red flag because emotional AND commitment), and spokesman for PETA (red flag because, again, emotional issues). After dating for two months, the couple went on to have an over-the-top wedding in India. We all know that how expensive the wedding is is directly proportional to how expensive the divorce will be. Russell reportedly ended his 14 month marriage to Katy over—get this—a text message. So wait, the guy shits on people who eat steak and Chick-fil-A because it’s heartless, but ends his marriage via text? Okay then. He actually said a while back that he wants to be friends with Katy again. LOL sure.

4. That Tennis Player And Kaley Cuoco

Kaley Cuoco, star of The Big Bang Theory, married Ryan Sweeting, that tennis player who you don’t care about, after three months of dating. They ended up getting married on New Year’s Eve, which in and of itself is a red flag. Not because all holiday marriages are doomed for divorce, but because the only thing tackier than a holiday marriage proposal is a holiday wedding. They actually lasted for two years. Getting divorced so publicly sucks, but being on a show as terrible as The Big Bang Theory is still a much more embarrassing burden to bear in spite of the million dollar paycheck.

5. Kevin Federline And Britney Spears

Britney Spears has done some pretty shocking things in her career. How can we forget when she made out with Madonna or performed with an actual snake at the VMAs? Well, when she ended up making out with human snake Kevin Federline, that’s when we threw our hands up and stopped believing in Britney. I mean, he had a pregnant baby mama when he started up with Britney. They dated for only a couple of months before getting engaged. The day of their wedding, the bride and groom parties had their own Juicy Coutoure sweatsuits. The ladies wore pink tracksuits with “The maids” bejeweled on their backs, while Brit had “The Bride” on hers. The gentlemen (and we use that term very loosely here) wore white tracksuits that said “Pimps” in black cursive. Literally the only sign worse than the groom having a pregnant baby mama when he first met the bride is wearing a tracksuit that says “Pimp” on it. We’re sure they served Mountain Dew cocktails and a buffet of McDonald’s at the reception. Still, Britney and Kevin lasted a surprisingly long time. Well, they lasted three years, but that’s still a surprisingly long time for them.

6. Ken Todd And Lisa Vanderpump

Who would’ve thought the healthiest relationship on Vanderpump Rules was a couple that only knew each other for six weeks before getting married? They have been married for almost 40 years. My flirtation with the bartender at Make Believe has lasted longer than that engagement. My fake tan from Sugared + Bronzed has lasted longer than that engagement. Hell, my vibrator’s battery power has lasted longer than their engagement. This almost makes us think Brittany isn’t a total idiot for moving from Kentucky to L.A. after meeting Jax once in Las Vegas. She’s just a total idiot for turning a blind eye to the fact that he’s a manchild who will probably never change and getting engaged to him anyway.

7. Emily Ratajkowski And Sebastian Bear-McClard

Emily Ratajkowski is one of the sexiest women in the world, according to any men’s magazine, any guy, and, well, anyone with a pulse, really. So it totally shocked us when she got hitched to Sebastian Bear-McClard. First off, she had just broken up with her long-term boyfriend approximately five seconds prior and only knew Sebastian for several weeks. Second of all, he proposed to her at a restaurant with a makeshift ring made out of a paper clip. And lastly, they got married at city hall with the Fat Jewish as their witness. You know it’s a bad sign when your husband’s best friend’s job is highjacking memes and writing captions in caps lock. Sebastian is kind of cute because he’s like Landry from Friday Night Lights, if Landry was a first-string quarterback who never got friend zoned by Tyra instead of a nerdy benchwarmer. But still, they deprived us of the fairy tale wedding that Emily deserved. Who the hell wears a mustard suit instead of Vera Wang?

Images: Giphy (3)