We love celebrities who don’t act fake on social media, so naturally Kelly Ripa is one of our faves. When not publicly thirsting over her husband, she can be seen trolling the sh*t out of her kids, which we always appreciate. Like, sure your kids are the light of your life and whatever, but what fun is being a parent if you can’t rag on your kids a little? I started taking note of Kelly’s trolling on Father’s Day, when Lola apparently walked in on her parents having sex and probably wanted to claw her own eyes out. Now, I know you’re thinking that’s bad, but not “time to finally file the paperwork and get emancipated from these lunatics” bad, mainly because it was an accident. But not only did Lola walk in on her parents having sex, they then recounted the story to their five million closest friends on Live! the next day. MOM!! While Kelly and Mark did seem slightly embarrassed that this happened (AGAIN?!!!), I can’t help but think they went backstage during a commercial break and did their best Dr. Evil laugh.
And that’s when I realized that Kelly Ripa lives to torment her children. I mean, of course, she loves them, I’m sure she bought them each a Bentley for their 16th birthdays yada, yada, yada, but I also think she loves trolling them. I’m certain my parents had children solely to mulch the backyard, and I’m certain that Kelly Ripa had children (especially Lola) so she could lovingly make their lives a living hell, and I’m here for it. I can’t wait to do the same to my own daughter one day! I’m taking notes. Here are all the best times Kelly Ripa has trolled her children.
Like most teenage girls, Lola is particular about which photos she’ll allow her mother to post of her on Instagram. This makes complete sense because Kelly has over two million followers, half of which I’m sure are ready to call a teen girl a washed-up street dog or something equally vile. The internet is the best place!!!! Kelly respects Lola’s request and gives her photo approval, but also roasts her for it, as any good parent would. For example, when wishing Lola a happy 17th birthday, Kelly claimed she couldn’t get any photo approval so just posted a picture of Lola when she was still in the womb.
Honestly the only thing that would have been more savage would’ve been if Kelly had posted Lola’s sonogram. Maybe next year??
Kelly also engages in lots of very suggestive flirting with Mark over Instagram. Take, for example, this one:
Lola felt she couldn’t let this moment pass by and commented “is this caption necessary” which I think is a very sweet way of saying “could you two get a room, preferably with a locked door?”
Kelly and Mark also decided to engage in some light foreplay in the post below, and while it appears none of their children commented on the exchange, I’m sure they saw it on IG and also in their nightmares.
I’m just imagining Kelly and Mark sitting in the same room, giggling to themselves as they reply to their own Instagram comments. And then their children, reading this and gagging at their parents making jokes about group sex. Also RIP Luke Perry, I’ll never stop missing you and I’ll never stop rewatching season 1 of Beverly Hills, 90210 an unhealthy amount.
But even though Kelly does troll her daughter online, she is also willing to troll herself, which I appreciate even more. Most celebrities take themselves way too seriously *cough* Leonardo DiCaprio *cough* so when one of them demonstrates even the slightest bit of self-awareness I’ll give them props. I know, I’m like, really generous.
I think this is my favorite interaction between Kelly and Lola because it involves self-mockery, 90s fashion, and Hiram Lodge doing what he does best: sucking. Plus, it also shows that beneath Kelly’s deep dark desire to torment her children for her own pleasure, she also is a generous mom, and probably has an amazing closet she shares with Lola. If I had to make a deal that in order to wear all those designer clothes I had to occasionally walk in on my parents having sex, I can’t say I’d turn it down. Oh wait. Yes I would. I really, really would.
And those are some of the ways Kelly Ripa trolls on Instagram! Personally, I don’t think I’d be the perfectly well-adjusted pretty okay human that I am today if my own mother had not simultaneously trolled me and loved me, so I think Kelly is doing something right. But I will say, for God’s sake, get a lock on your door!
Images: Giphy (1); kellyripa (1), commentsbycelebs (3)/Instagram
There’s nothing I love more than a completely random celebrity feud. I mean, Lala and Randall vs. 50 Cent was undoubtedly the highlight of my year so far. So naturally, I was delighted this morning when I opened Twitter and was immediately greeted by Chris Harrison, our beloved captain of the Bachelor ship, throwing shade at Kelly Ripa. The decision to come for Kelly Ripa is pretty dangerous—the woman is an angel! So what went down, and why can’t our favorite hosts just get along? Let’s unpack.
Look out #BachelorNation @KellyRipa is coming after you and your “disgusting” Monday night habit. https://t.co/pcAw0MtPOr
— Chris Harrison (@chrisbharrison) May 15, 2019
On Tuesday’s episode of Live With Kelly & Ryan, Ryan Seacrest announced that Hannah Brown, this season’s Miss Bachelorette USA, would be a guest on their show later in the week. The audience was excited, but Kelly Ripa, not so much. At first, she was confused, saying she thought Cassie became the new Bachelorette because she didn’t get engaged to Colton last weekend. Lol. That’s like me trying to ask my coworkers questions about Game of Thrones.
But then Kelly got into her feelings about The Bachelor in general, saying “You guys, you know how I feel about the show, it disgusts me. I can’t stand the idea of 25 exceptional women fighting over one ordinary fella, in my opinion. You know how I feel, ladies, we are too special to be arguing over a guy.”
The studio audience loudly applauded after she said this, and she’s not wrong. After Ryan gave a little more background on Hannah B. and the guys on her season, Kelly added that she thinks the whole thing is “creepy.” Honestly, I can’t really argue with her there. Of course, everyone is on the show by choice, but the producers repeatedly let these women down by bringing them contestants who are jobless, problematic, and in some cases, literal sex offenders.
This week isn’t the first time that Kelly Ripa has expressed less than positive feelings about The Bachelor. After her comments on Tuesday, Arie Luyendyk Jr. posted a screenshot on his Instagram Story from March 2018, in which Kelly says that she thinks guessing Arie and Lauren would stay together for 100 days is “being generous.”
While I have to laugh at Arie being so butt-hurt about this over a year later, I gotta say that this comment isn’t a great look for Kelly. She’s not hurting anyone, but it’s a little mean-spirited. Overall, I largely agree with Kelly Ripa that The Bachelor is a flawed system, and that it doesn’t usually bring out the best in its contestants, but Arie and Lauren are married and about to have a baby, so she was wrong here.
But after all this, I’m still most intrigued by the mildly threatening tweet from Chris Harrison to Kelly Ripa. I mean, it’s fine if they don’t like each other, but Chris is acting like he’s about to unleash Bachelor Nation on Kelly like a pack of dogs. Kelly is still having Hannah on her show, so it’s not like The Bachelorette is getting no publicity from her. But even worse, Mike Fleiss also jumped in with another vaguely threatening tweet directed at Kelly Ripa.
Easy, @KellyRipa … #TheBachelor franchise pays your salary!
— Mike Fleiss (@fleissmeister) May 15, 2019
I’ve gotta say, these men getting this worked up over a few comments from Kelly Ripa is pretty hilarious, but they need to cool it with the threatening tone. Regardless, this feud is the most alive I’ve felt since that brief moment in time when Khloé Kardashian was briefly in a feud with Mike Fleiss. There’s no mess quite like a Bachelor Nation mess.
Images: @chrisbharrison, @fleissmeister / Twitter; @ariejr / Instagram
It’s Wednesday, which for some of us means it’s time to wind down with the acid trip that is season three of Riverdale. I’ve seen a lot of messed up sh*t on this show (cousin loving, murder foreplay, and a 16-year-old Betty stripping on a pole in a bar known for gang activity, just to name a few!), but I think we can all agree that last week’s episode was the wildest one yet, because the writers actually had the audacity to pretend like these kids were still in high school. I almost fell off my couch when they managed to incorporate one SAT word into the script without the entire set bursting into flames. That said, I have a feeling this week’s episode is going to be even more insane because Camila Mendes hyped on Instagram that we should get ready for “Veronica meets Film Noir” which should be…very painful. I’ve already decided I’m going to drink every time someone says the word “doll”, “doll face” or “ugly mutt” so, like, prepare my funeral now.
Once again we start this week with another judgey montage from Jughead. I swear to God this kid is always in a perpetual state of being on his period. Like, enough with the ‘tude!
He’s says Riverdale was once a “good, decent, innocent place” and it’s like, okay, but when? The very first episode of this show there was already a twincest rumor between Cheryl and Jason and Archie was raw dogging his teacher in the school music room. When I was 16 I was still shopping at Delia’s and reading Tiger Beat but, sure, let’s compare our high school existences.
Case in point: Jughead lying to his dad about Tall Boy leaving town while Tall Boy is stuffed under the cot FP is currently sitting on. Ah, yes. The good, innocent Riverdale we all know and love. FP isn’t buying his story though because he’s spent 24 hours as a sheriff and he’s seen some things. I’ve also seen some things, like the fact that FP is a goddamn snack in that uniform.
Meanwhile, Archie is coming to terms with the fact that he might only be a pretty face. What a cross to bear in this world! He tells his dad that he thinks college maybe isn’t for him, which is, like, a very diplomatic way of saying that he flunked the SATs. Lol. I see right through you, buddy!
Cut to Veronica, who wants Jughead to find the person who shot her father. She asks him this while wearing a literal fedora. Like, what in God’s name is she wearing on her head.
JUGHEAD: Nice hat.
VERONICA: Thanks.
ALSO VERONICA:
Betty shows up at Claudius’ funeral because she thinks Penelope might have poisoned him, and also she doesn’t know how to mind her own business. Meanwhile, Cheryl is in full-on mourning, aka wearing a dress short enough that I can see her vaginal lips. *slow claps* Don’t ever change, Cheryl!
I love that Betty shows up to this funeral uninvited and then thinks it’s okay to interrogate the deceased’s immediate family. She’s like “I’m sorry for your loss, Cheryl, but your mom is a murderer and you need to step up and help me prove it.” Maybe have a little bit more tact? Idk. Cheryl refuses to help with Betty’s murder investigation, which is, like, very fair. Just because you wrote “detective” on your business card does not mean anyone isn’t going to notice that said card was made with a sharpie and construction paper.
I guess last week Veronica was studying for more than just the SATs. She’s also been binge-watching Mob Wives, because now thinks she’s actually fit to run her father’s illegal businesses in his absence. LOL. K. Her first order of business is to fire his hired protection and replace them with Smithers and Reggie or as she likes to call them her “most loyal servant” and “jacked jack of all trades.” First of all, Smithers isn’t so much loyal as he is getting paid to work for your family. Also, he’s 80. That’s quite a crack team you’ve established there, Veronica!
Meanwhile, Betty and Jughead are off to track down Hiram’s mistress and potential killer but instead stumble upon a dominatrix club run by none other than Penelope Blossom. So chill. I love that Betty and Jughead are pretending to be horrified by The Maple Club when they actually just found a new spot for date night.
BETTY: Well, well, well, I guess Riverdale has a sex club now?
ALSO BETTY:
Archie is…not doing well this episode. He’s getting wasted at Veronica’s speakeasy while Veronica’s new lover bartends and makes passive aggressive comments to him in between rounds. This feels very masochistic and like something I definitely haven’t talked my girlfriend into doing after she was dumped.
By far the most disturbing relationship on this show is between Betty and this coroner. Like, she just got her driver’s license and she’s hanging out with a man who looks like he wrote “pulse optional” on his dating app preferences.
Josie draws the short straw and has to take care of a drunken Archie. She’s like “you can’t solve your problems by getting drunk in a bar before noon” and it’s like, did I hallucinate that they were taking the SATs last week? Like where is the normal high school drama! Archie is acting he just lost his job and has a mortgage to pay when literally all of his problems could be solved by taking an SAT prep class. Please.
JOSIE: I think you should channel your anger into something constructive like your music.
ME:
Betty confronts Penelope Blossom and finds out that Claudius was cooking Fizzle Pop in the old maple syrup factory, and that the runoff from that was polluting Sweetwater River, which is why every teenage girl in the town was having seizures earlier this season. I’m sorry, but this is not an acceptable explanation for me. Betty saw babies LEVITATING, and you’re just going to explain it away in less than 10 seconds of dialogue? That’s trash.
Jughead tracks down Hiram’s mistress AND IT’S KELLY RIPA. My god! Does she own this show now? The entire CW network? Is Riverdale secretly being filmed out of her NYC apartment? Like, what does she have on @writerras that her and her family are able to hijack this show every week?? I’m sorry, I love Kelly Ripa, but Hiram was the worst thing to ever happen to this show and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.
Footage from this week’s episode of ‘Riverdale’ or a confrontation in the writer’s room when they tried to kill off Hiram’s character last week? WHO CAN SAY.
Okay, WHAT. Hermione is also having an affair? With hot Sheriff Minetti?! I thought he was dead? Has she just been keeping him in an abandoned warehouse and bringing him out whenever she has an itch to scratch? This I did not see coming, but after a closer inspection of his character abs, I’ll allow it. I am here for this partial nudity.
You guys the twists are insane tonight. In another shocking turn of events we find out that FP shot Hiram, and he did it because Hermione paid him to. That’s why he’s allowed to be sheriff, because it was a payoff (which is still not an acceptable explanation for why a convicted felon was suddenly allowed to become sheriff, but whatever).
FP tries to beat Hermione at her own game and forces her to go on the air and say that Tall Boy was the one who shot Hiram. Like, who is this interview for though? I have yet to see one other member of this town who isn’t a) a redhead or b) sleeping with a parent/classmate/brother/sister/other estranged relative of a redhead, which has to be the only explanation for why there haven’t been riots in the street for the outright corruption taking over Riverdale’s town politics. I highly doubt regular townspeople are waiting with bated breath to see if the mob boss running their town will get some justice. PLEASE.
Meanwhile, Veronica sets fire to Hiram’s entire drug supply and I feel nothing. That’s how I know this show is going downhill fast. Remember when Cheryl burned her entire home to the ground out of spite? And we all cheered? And I made the gif of her burning her life to to the ground the background on my computer and used it whenever applicable to real-life conversations? WHERE IS THAT RIVERDALE?
Iconic.
Okay, PLEASE tell me Josie and Archie aren’t about to be a thing. Archie’s giving her that look like she has a vagina and has shown mild interest in him, so now he wants to bang her. I can’t take one more Archie romantic entanglement. I just can’t.
Jughead tells Veronica that he knows who really shot her father, and it’s not Tall Boy, which is what the official announcement says. Veronica is still wearing the fedora and I am still feeling very personally victimized by it.
JUGHEAD: You don’t want to find out who shot your dad?
VERONICA: Eh, it’s Riverdale.
Truer words, V. Truer. Words.
The episode ends with Hermione shooting hot Sheriff Minetti for reasons that are unclear, but I’m sure will be explained away five episodes from now when we’ve forgotten all about this plot line and the writers decide to give it five whole seconds of their time to address. Anyways, I’m out! See you Betches in hell next time!
Images: Giphy (4); The CW (1); @cole_jones.oursmile /Instagram (1)
In case you haven’t noticed, Kelly Ripa is kind of killing it on Instagram these days. We’ve loved Kelly for a long time, from the days of staying home sick from school and watching Live, back when Regis was still on. But in the last year or so, Kelly has become one of the most prolific celebrity commenters on Instagram, and the ladies of CommentsByCelebs have been there to document all of her best moments. Today is Kelly Ripa’s birthday, so to celebrate, we rounded up some of Kelly’s greatest hits. There’s a little bit of sass, a lot of Mark Consuelos, and just general perfection all around.
Happy birthday Kelly, we love you!
Well, fam, here we are again. The ever-growing tide of sexual harassment allegations claims at least one new famous man every week, and this week it’s Ryan Seacrest. Seacrest is best known for hosting American Idol and helping to build the Kardashian empire, but it turns out he might be kind of a creep.
The allegations of abuse and harassment come from Suzie Hardy, a former E! News stylist who worked with Ryan Seacrest from 2007 to 2013. She says that she was subjected to “years of unwanted sexual aggresssion” from Seacrest, and the details are pretty terrible. She says that he slapped her butt hard enough to leave a mark, grabbed her crotch once, and aggressively flirted with her for years.
There are also other witnesses, with one co-worker saying they saw Seacrest push Hardy’s head into his crotch repeatedly while she was keeling to tie his shoes. That’s obviously awful, but we really need to take a moment to laugh at the fact that Ryan Seacrest does not tie his own shoes. This is a man in his forties worth over a quarter billion dollars, but velcro might be an option he wants to consider!
Suzie Hardy first reported the abuse to her human resources department back in 2013, and she was predictable let go just a few weeks later. Give me a moment while I scream into a pillow. Hardy came forward anonymously with her story last fall, and E! promised to conduct their own investigation into Ryan Seacrest’s conduct. We love investigations that aren’t independent or anything, they’re totally unbiased and impartial!
In an outcome that is truly, monumentally shocking, E! found that there was “insufficient evidence to support the claims against Seacrest.” AHHHHHHHHHHHH. I’m not saying I have personal knowledge about any of these allegations, but it’s painfully predictable that the pretty white man is found innocent while the woman is painted as some lying bitch who’s just mad about losing her job. I’ve seen this movie before, and I did not enjoy it.
An E! spokesperson defended the investigation, saying it was “extremely comprehensive and thorough. Over the course of a two month process, our outside counsel interviewed more than two dozen people regarding the allegations, including multiple separate meetings with the claimant. The investigator is an attorney with nearly 20 years experience and is highly regarded professionally. Any claims that question the legitimacy of this investigation are completely baseless.”
Ryan hasn’t personally said anything about Hardy’s accusations, but his attorney said they’re untrue, and that Suzie just wants to get $15 million out of Ryan. There’s no way to know for sure if the allegations are true, but if they are Ryan is so fucking canceled. He’s pretty busy right now, with his talk show with Kelly Ripa, the Oscars coming up this weekend, and the American Idol reboot (ugh) starting in March. We’d hate for anything to, you know, ruin Ryan’s big fancy career, but like time’s up sweetie.
Images: Giphy (2)
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