After taking a month off of cataloging the worst TikToks our famous people have to offer, it’s safe to say not much has changed. We’re still in the middle of a pandemic, social distancing isn’t going anywhere, and yes, celebrities are still acting very cringey on TikTok. While some of our faves have gotten bored and mostly abandoned their awful TikToks (Vanessa Hudgens, please come back), there are still more than enough celebs who just can’t put their phones down. Whether you’re into sh*tty dancing, rough attempts at comedy, or half-hearted activism, there’s something here for everyone this week.
@meghantrainorWhen everyone thinks you announced your pregnancy on TikTok ##31weekspregnant
I would love to let Meghan Trainor enjoy her pregnancy journey in peace without dragging her, but wtf is this video, honestly. Daryl Sabara’s energy really stresses me out, and him yelling at me and trying to get crunk with a stroller while “Thotiana” plays in the background is not my preferred holiday vibe, to say the least.
@mrs.wahlbergHave you tried the Sugarplum Macchiato from @dunkin yet, ##Chicago? Tell me what you think using ##DunkinSugarplum. ##ad♬ How You Like That – BLACKPINK
I have no problem with celebs doing ads on TikTok, but I appreciate when they at least show a little commitment to the assignment. Jenny McCarthy has done two videos for Dunkin’ promoting their season sugarplum macchiato, and in both, it’s very obvious that she isn’t actually taking a sip. I’ve tried it, and it’s gross, but the least she could do is drink it with a smile on her face!
In a year full of lows, learning about Bryce Hall was definitely one of my lowest points. This video of him dancing in a Santa suit 10/1o ruined my day, and also, we shouldn’t be doing fat suits anymore, come on.
@bhadbhabieshe can never take a joke😂😂😂♬ original sound – bhadbhabie
In this video, 17-year-old Bhad Bhabie (aka “cash me outside” girl) plays a prank on her mom by giving her a box with a positive pregnancy test inside. These kind of pranks aren’t really funny in any context, but there’s something extra cringe about this one. First of all, her mom clearly doesn’t want to be on camera, and then her reaction to the test is to repeatedly say “I will f*cking stab you.” Yikes! Idk about their family dynamic, but this isn’t cute to me.
@tyrabanksScience degree not needed ##tiktokpartner ##learnontiktok ##share ##needtoknow♬ original sound – Tyra Banks
There’s nothing Tyra loves more than sharing a little wisdom, and in this ‘Tok, she talks about the difference between inventing and innovating. I don’t really think these words are that confusing, but I also don’t think Tyra did a very good job of explaining herself. Like, I’m not confident she could use both of these words correctly in a sentence. So let’s discuss: was the smize an invention or an innovation?
Most of Perez Hilton’s videos are just D-list celebrity news no one cares about, but this one is bad in a totally different way. I’m 100% sure Perez with this devil filter is my new sleep paralysis demon, so I guess I just won’t be sleeping for the next few days. I hate it here.
@tanamongeaulola lot happened in between those two things but go peep the video♬ original sound – Tana Mongeau
There is… a lot going on in Tana’s life right now. Apparently her ex made a mean song about her, and then her best friend hooked up with her new man IN HER HOUSE? I’m cringing at this whole situation because I feel bad for Tana, but also, why is she making TikToks about it?? Girl, figure this sh*t out! Also, stop having friends over, it’s a pandemic!
November 28-December 4:
I thought Jonathan’s videos of him shoveling food into his mouth were upsetting, but this is way worse. He’s puckering up his gross lips and smothering them with hand soap, and then trying to blow bubbles. Sorry, is he five years old? Sir, please get a grip.
@jackblackmy spidey senses are TINGLING – new ep link in bio!! 📹 @taylor♬ Out the Frame – Marv Allen
As a followup to his deeply cringeworthy WAP video, Jack Black is back with another TikTok of him dancing, this time in a Spider-Man costume. Again, something I really did not need to see. Just gonna throw this out there as a note to many of the celebs who cannot dance, but seem determined to make dancing TikToks: no one is making you do that! Stop it!
@wizkhalifaCOVID test BABY ##covid19 ##gettested♬ original sound – Wiz Khalifa
In this video, Wiz Khalifa rolls up to a drive-thru COVID testing site, with a joint clearly lit in the car, and we see the full swabbing process from start to finish. First of all, I’m really not a fan of seeing people get these swabs stuck up their noses on camera, but it also feels super inconsiderate to have smoke blowing in the face of this poor woman administering the COVID test. These people are going above and beyond to keep us safe, so please be considerate to them!
@heidimontagAudrina left 😂♬ WAP（feat. Megan Thee Stallion） – Cardi B
I really thought I was done roasting celebrity “WAP” videos like, a month ago, but Heidi and Audrina just had to go and post this three months too late. Obviously, the dancing is not good—as you know by now, Heidi’s dancing is never good. But more than anything, it’s so half-assed! Audrina just walks off halfway through the video, leaving Heidi to fend for herself, and she really doesn’t know what she’s doing. This makes me sad.
In this video, Howie shows off his new face mask, which is perhaps the most unsettling thing I’ve ever seen. I really hope he never wears this in public, because people will be traumatized.
@itsjojosiwa“Where Are You Christmas” The Official Music Video!!!❄️🖤 Coming out on Thanksgiving (11/26)!! LINK IN MY BIO!♬ original sound – JoJo Siwa
This is a clip from a music video and not like, an actual TikTok, but we still need to discuss whatever the f*ck JoJo is wearing. It looks like she skinned a polar bear, and then bedazzled its entire body and turned it into a coat. The amount of glitter on her face is actually making me physically uncomfortable, and her hair bow has never been bigger. Someone stop her!
@lilmiquela⚠️ My new SNAP show GET REAL, MIQUELA is out now ⚠️ I’m finally getting REAL…♬ original sound – MIQUELA
We’ve discussed CGI influencer Lil Miquela before, but before this week, I’ve never dared to look at her TikTok. Little did I know, she actually has a reality show on Snapchat now! I have so many questions. What does a reality show about a fake person entail? Why is this happening now? And did anyone know Snapchat had shows?? I can’t let myself think about this too much, because it’ll just make me angry.
@charlidameliomy drink the charli is still on the dunkin’ app!! give it a try and let me know what you think!! ##ad♬ original sound – charli d’amelio
Charli has been getting roasted over a recent YouTube video, but today I’m focusing on one of her TikToks from this week, an ad for Dunkin. As part of her partnership with the brand, they created a drink called “The Charli,” which is cold brew with caramel and whole milk. I’ve had it, and it took me like, three days to digest all that dairy. In this video, she reminds her followers that the drink is still available, but she doesn’t seem all that committed to selling it. Twice, she says it’s “pretty good”, which is how I describe something when I don’t like it but I don’t want to be rude. Come on girl, earn those coins!
@drphilWhen the ##onhold music slaps.♬ original sound – Friday
Dr. Phil continues his streak of making everyone uncomfy on TikTok with this video of him vibing to some hold music. Really, Dr. Phil dancing is something I never need to see, and as he gets more animated throughout the video (and gets his wife involved), it just gets worse.
Heidi hasn’t made an appearance on this list in a while, but she’s been busy making TikToks this week, and most of them are bad. Notably, she has been hanging out with Audrina Patridge, so the reboot of The Hills might finally be getting a second season. But in this video, Heidi just kind of dances around to the beginning “Candy Shop” while her mask gradually slips under her nose. The caption says something about going on the boat that’s in the background, but she never actually shows us whether she got to go on the boat! That’s just bad writing.
@derekhoughCandid authentic moment of me doing Laundry outside. Didn’t even know there were cameras there. @people♬ Pony – Ginuwine
I make a point of not looking at Derek Hough’s TikTok too often because it makes me mad, but I really hate when he tries to be hot. I’m pretty sure this whole backyard laundry setup is for a photo shoot, so I can’t fault him for being extra, but thrusting to “Pony” on a laundry basket? That’s where I draw the line. Someone stop this man!!
@brycehallupdate on no shave november @joshrichards♬ original sound – Rudy
Bryce Hall is one of TikTok’s most notorious f*ckboys, and hating his content is one of my favorite pastimes. Currently, he and his fellow Hype House member Josh Richards are taking part in No Shave November, and their results after nearly two weeks are kind of hilariously underwhelming. I always regret taking the dive into Bryce’s videos, but at least today he gave me something to laugh at.
Big congrats to Shark Tank star Barbara Corcoran, who makes her first appearance on the list this week. In this TikTok, she acts out a POV scenario where she’s listening to a pitch on Shark Tank, and then the person chooses Mark Cuban’s offer. Her face as she chokes herself off camera is truly horrifying, but also, can we talk about her outfit? She’s dressed like a middle schooler, and I truly don’t understand it. Why is she wearing a backpack!!! I have so many questions.
@thenewclassicATTENTION!!!♬ original sound – Matt Beckoff
I’m always wary of anything Iggy Azalea does, but for the most part, she’s actually pretty funny on TikTok. But this video of her twerking to an edited sound of Biden calling himself “daddy”… I hate it here. Honestly, I would hate this sound no matter what the video was, but there’s something about the front view of someone twerking that’s particularly unsettling. Luckily, Iggy has already gone back to making videos about eating pizza in bed, so I don’t need to unfollow her.
@itsjojosiwaGet Ready with Me ❤️🎀 @BangEnergy @BangEnergy.CEO ##BangEnergy ##CaffeineFree ##ad♬ original sound – JoJo Siwa
I know this is an ad, but the thought of JoJo Siwa consuming an energy drink is actually terrifying to me. Like, I needed an energy drink in college when I had a paper due the next day that I hadn’t started. JoJo Siwa does not need an energy drink, and I’m concerned that she might literally explode if she drank a full one of these.
October 31-November 6:
@drphilI’ve got those Grandpa Joe moves. ##mycostume♬ Spooky, Scary Skeletons – Andrew Gold
I only put one Halloween TikTok on this list because, to be honest, Halloween already feels like it was seven months ago. But I couldn’t just skip over Dr. Phil’s jarring Halloween costume—Grandpa Joe from Willy Wonka. I have no desire to see Dr. Phil in a nightgown, and his weak attempt at dancing just makes it worse. Some people just don’t need to do Halloween.
@itsjojosiwaMy night routine!!!✨🎀♬ Boomerang – Jojo Siwa
I know that this nighttime routine video from JoJo Siwa is a joke, but I still found myself cringing. I’m used to seeing the cars with her face plastered all over them, but her house still gives me a headache. I love eating cake for dinner as much as the next person, but this is just too much. And watching her cover her entire face in glitter made my skin itch. Also, why is she in the shower with clothes on? This is not for me.
Candace Cameron Bure
We all know Candace Cameron Bure loves the Bible, and of course there’s nothing wrong with that. But she keeps doing these cutesy Bible videos where she lip-syncs to a baby voice, and I find them deeply unsettling. Also, Candace posted this video amid major uncertainty about the outcome of the Presidential election, and I don’t love the sentiment that we should just stop being worried about real world sh*t because of the Bible. That’s not how the world works!
Y’all know by know that I’m not the biggest fan of Howie Mandel’s TikToks, but whatever, some people like them. But my nerves are already shot, and I definitely didn’t need to see this humongous teddy bear barreling toward me today. The “Where Is The Love” sound is majorly trending on TikTok right now, and I have to say, this is one of my least favorite takes on it.
The 60+ male celebs continue to crank out the content on TikTok, and I continue to hate it. I really thought we were done with “WAP” content a few weeks ago, but Bob Saget didn’t get a chance to post his take until this week. Well, it’s here, and it’s awful. The bucket and mop bit is pretty run of the mill, but the clip of him with water pouring out of his mouth? It’ll take me weeks to get over that. WEEKS! Note to any and all middle-aged celebs out there who have yet to post a “WAP” video: skip it, please!
First of all, Tyra has posted four different videos in the past week that she clearly filmed at the same time, so props to her for planning out her content! But this video made me die a little inside. She really thought she was doing something here! This feels like an over the top bit she would’ve done to introduce an acting challenge on America’s Next Top Model, but when she’s alone in her house doing it on TikTok, the whole thing just feels bizarre. Maybe if she had Miss J in the video it would’ve been better.
@foodgodName one fruit you can’t live without♬ Astronomia – Chiky Dee Jay
Every time I include a Foodgod TikTok on this list, I tell myself it’s going to be the last one, but he really outdid himself this week. He’s bugging out (as per usual) about some guava ice cream, and then he does a slurping noise/motion toward the camera that is so foul, I honestly think he belongs in prison. I can’t even describe how uncomfortable I am right now, but if you watch the video, you’ll understand where I’m coming from. Jonathan, PLEASE!
@meghantrainorWash your hands for 20 SECONDS to Safeguard your family💦Challenging @ryan.trainor to come clean w/ @safeguardsoap ##SafeguardSplash ##ad ##WashAwayGerms♬ original sound – Meghan Trainor
As part of this ad she did for a soap brand, Meghan Trainor was supposed to “come clean” about something, and the big secret she chose was that she likes eating chips with ketchup, and drinks milk with ice cubes in it. Okay, so first of all, what a lame confession. But als0—EW! Potato chips with ketchup is not something I want to try, but whatever, I guess I low-key get it. But this adult woman is drinking whole glasses of milk with ICE CUBES??? I knew I didn’t like her for a reason.
Personally, I always cringe when James Charles tries to remind us he can sing, but this one is especially bad because the video starts with him sneezing INTO HIS HAND. In this time of widespread germophobia, could James not at least show proper sneezing protocol on camera?? And then, without washing his hands or anything, he touches his face!!! James, what are you doing!!!
@brycehallgolf day w the boy @imgriffinjohnson♬ original sound – timothée chalamet edits!
Earlier this week, the tabloids were all over the story of how TikTok star Bryce Hall got into a brawl with staff at a restaurant in LA after they told him he wasn’t allowed to vape at his table. For reference, this is the same asshole who got his electricity shut off by the city after he refused to stop having parties during the pandemic. In this TikTok, we see him at the golf course in the same outfit that he was wearing during the fight, and it’s so cringe to watch him just do like, anything. I don’t understand why all these random hot guys are so famous, but can we please cancel Bryce Hall?
If you’re unfamiliar with Woah Vicky, welcome to a very specific corner of the internet. She’s a 20-year-old social media star and sometimes rapper who’s probably best known for two things: falsely claiming to be Black, and getting in a full-on fist fight with Bhad Bhabie. She also has arguably one of the most annoying voices of anyone on the planet, and this video of her belting out “A Thousand Miles” in the back of a car is the vocal equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. Okay, sorry for doing that to you, you may now go back to pretending you don’t know who she is.
@meghantrainorWE VOTED!!!!!!!! 🎉🇺🇸♬ Register and GO VOTE – Meghan Trainor
Is it a good thing that Meghan Trainor is using her platform to encourage everyone to vote? Absolutely! But I did not need to come on TikTok today and be assaulted by the visual of Spy Kids star Daryl Sabara twerking for the camera. Absolutely not, no way. This is too much! The voting song is cute; she should’ve just posted a video of herself and kept it moving.
Candace Cameron Bure
@candacecameronbThe Bible. Another blessing.♬ original sound – Prince Tai
Candace Cameron Bure being religious is nothing new, and I’m certainly not going to roast her for that. But I have no issue roasting her for this bizarre choreographed dance where she uses her Bible as a prop. This feels like one of the less impressive routines from Dance Moms, but performed by a 50-year-old woman with a not-great sense of rhythm. I expected there to at least be a Bible verse in the caption or something, but it appears that Candace just felt compelled to dance.
@melissagorgaBack off the closet 💅🏼 ##envybymg ##fyp ##foryoupage♬ original sound – Melissagorga
This TikTok is pretty standard stuff from Melissa, except for the fact that there are two random men sitting in the background, both wearing masks and looking very confused. Melissa, who are these dudes? Neither of them are her husband (ily Joey), and they certainly don’t look like they’re interested in being in a TikTok. This is why I don’t make TikToks in public.
My nemesis was back at it this week, attending one of those godforsaken Sugar Factory events that Kardashian-adjacent celebs thrive on. This time, rather than going for some diabetes fishbowl cocktail, Jonathan tried some sliders with rainbow buns, and I’ve never wanted to throw up more than I do right now. Sorry, but a GREEN hamburger bun belongs nowhere near a human digestive system. Every day we stray further from god’s light.
@jessicaalbapumpkin 🎃 cookies @foodstirs inspired by @honest limited edition Fall diaper 🍁🍪🍂🍎 🎃☕️ ##fallvibes ##fallaesthetic ##honestfallchallenge♬ original sound – Yo Mama
I respect Jessica Alba’s business woman hustle, and she’s undoubtedly more successful than I will ever be. But you know what I don’t want to see? Recipe ideas that are inspired by DIAPERS. Yes, I swear to god, this cookie recipe is inspired by Jessica’s new line of fall-themed diapers. The cookies look yummy, but now I’m literally going to be thinking of a baby’s sh*t the entire time I’m eating them. No thank you!
MJ🤍⚡️ I learned my first MJ dance today!!! This is the real choreo from his “This Is It” tour!!!🤟🏼
Soooo… who’s gonna tell JoJo Siwa about Michael Jackson? She didn’t do anything wrong here—we all love MJ’s music, and the dancing is great, but I feel like someone on her team should maybe steer her away from doing more of these videos in the future. She’s 17, she can handle the truth. Learn some of Janet’s choreography instead!
Afternoon vibe. @420doggface208
Dr. Phil is quickly becoming one of the TikTokers I love to hate the most, and this video of him trying to be seductive while driving a golf cart and chugging cranberry juice will most likely give me nightmares. The “daddy” video was funny and all, but we cannot let Dr. Phil think he is some kind of sex symbol. 2020 is already bad enough, and I cannot handle this.
It happened. ##realityripple 👻
Does Jenny McCarthy actually have ghosts in her house? She sure thinks so! This video feels like a bootleg version of Paranormal Activity, except nothing interesting happens, and the protagonist is an anti-vaxxer. No thanks! This week, Jenny also posted a TikTok of her trying on one of the heads of the Masked Singer costumes (she’s a judge), and I can only imagine how many germs are in those things. Ew!
@loganpaulmy first mistake was trying to be cool ##fyp ##foryou
Logan’s brother Jake has barely posted on TikTok since his house got raided by the FBI over the summer, but the elder Paul brother is still up to his old, annoying ways. This week, he posted a video of himself walking off of a private jet, and accidentally spilling a briefcase full of cash. I’m 95% sure this was a staged video and he did it on purpose, because that’s kind of his whole thing, but either way, this video is obnoxious. Idk if Logan is aware of what’s happening in the world rn (probs not), but most people don’t have private jets and boxes of money lying around.
September 26-October 2:
@officialhowiemandel##duet with @officialhowiemandel♬ original sound – Howie Mandel
I’m not sure I really get the point of Howie’s original video, and the duet he did with himself is even more lame. Howie’s dad humor has proved really popular on TikTok, but as I’ve said before, it just does nothing for me.
@tanamongeauloluse protection @noahcyrus♬ original sound – Tana Mongeau
At this point, I’ve really discarded any expectations about Tana Mongeau following COVID protocols, but this is just flat-out dumb, and the video isn’t even funny! She’s kissing Noah Cyrus (Miley’s little sister) with masks on, and I really can’t with the whole mask kissing thing. If it’s your actual partner, fine, it’s just a little weird, but you shouldn’t be doing this with randos.
@jasonderuloMy Imagination when Mom says “Money doesn’t grow on trees”♬ Funny Thing – Thundercat
Jason Derulo has made a second career out of doing the most on TikTok, and this money tree video is no exception. Truly, I feel bad for whatever assistant had to spend an hour taping fake dollar bills to the leaves of this tree, and then another hour sweeping them all up off the ground afterward. The video isn’t even funny, so like, is this worth it?
@addisonretalking to the canyon @sherinicolee♬ original sound – Josh<3
Welcome back, Addison and Sheri! First off, I still don’t understand how these TikTok famous kids with millions of followers getting away with posting such lazy, uninteresting videos. For the men, it’s the sh*tty shirtless dancing, and for people like Addison and Charli, it’s the sh*tty dancing, but with shirts on. Also, I still don’t want to see thirsty Mama Sheri dancing on my For You Page. Sorry, not sorry. At least the background is scenic?
@heidimontag@prattdaddy Sale today! Use code flash20 for 20% off aquamarines and druzy agate!!!!!♬ Whole Lotta Choppas – Sada Baby
After a few weeks of leaving her followers high and dry, my cringe queen Heidi finally returned to TikTok this week. Apparently she didn’t use her time way working on new video concepts, because this week she delivered another video of her making googly eyes at the camera while waving around some of Spencer’s crystals. At least she was smart to use a trending song, but she didn’t actually really do the trend. Heidi, please never stop.
@tanamongeaulolhahahaahahahahahahaha this might be my favorite sound♬ As An Accountant – Rocky Paterra
It’s definitely not breaking news that Tana Mongeau gets fillers, and I really don’t care one way or the other, but oh my god, why is no one at the med spa wearing a f*cking mask??? The only time anyone in this situation should be mask-free is if they’re literally having something injected into the lower half of their face, so it’s disappointing to see supposed medical professionals being so care-free. We know Tana isn’t being that careful when it comes to social distancing, but you’d expect better from someone who sees patients for a living.
@heidimontag@prattdaddy Sale today! Use code flash20 for 20% off aquamarines and druzy agate!!!!!♬ Whole Lotta Choppas – Sada Baby
Usually, Jonathan Cheban makes this list for disgusting videos of him shoving way too much food in his mouth at once, but he switched things up this week by trying to do comedy. He’s on a stationary bike located on a rooftop, which then blasts off into the moon. Cool effect honestly, but it’s totally ruined by him calling out “FG phone home” over and over again. To be fair, he does look like an alien, but honestly I’d prefer he sticks to the nasty food videos in the future.
@addisonre@sherinicolee♬ THICK – DJ Chose & Beatking
Addison isn’t really doing anything wrong here, but her mother Sheri (whose “WAP” dance made this list previously) continues to give me a great deal of bad vibes. The thirst just radiates from every pore of her being, and to be honest, I don’t know why she insists on doing these stupid dances with her daughter. I really hope rumors about this family getting a reality show aren’t real, because this woman does not need any more attention.
@kjapacFollow @adamisgreat14 💥 for a follow back ! ❤️Quick now ! ##fy ##riverdale♬ original sound – KJ Apa
Pardon me if I missed something here, but why on earth is KJ Apa dipping his hair in his tea? And why is he then letting the tea drip off of his hair and into his mouth? This is a bizarre thing to do in the first place, and given that his hair looks greasy AF, this cannot be remotely sanitary. The one plus here is that I guess the orange hair means that Riverdale really is happening again, so congrats if you’re one of the 10 people still watching.
@drphilSharing some fun psychological facts with @onlyjayus ! ##LearnOnTikTok ##DidYouKnow ##Psychology♬ original sound – Dr. Phil
In this video, Dr. Phil shares some “fun psychological facts”, which are mostly oversimplified life hacks that I’m not have any real basis in psychology. The facts are pretty lame overall, but I take personal offense to Dr. Phil’s suggestion that we should all be getting ready for work like normal even if we’re all still working from home. Dr. Phil, why do you care if I’m wearing sweatpants for the 200th day in a row? Mind your own business!
Kourtney hadn’t posted a TikTok in like, three months, but she made her big return to the ‘Tok with this bizarre photo slideshow of her walking through the hall of her house. The music is weird, the angle is weird, and the photos look like they were taken on an iPhone from 2011. Kourt, are you okay? I guess Addison wasn’t around to help her make this one, because the quality is seriously lacking.
Like I’ve said before, Howie Mandel is huge on TikTok, and I’ve never quite gotten the appeal. Whatever, people like dad humor I guess. But there is something so wrong about seeing Howie Mandel—one of the most famous bald people—wearing a wig, and I can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe it’s this specific wig, but this video is making my physically uncomfortable. Howie, please go back to being bald, it’s for the greater good.
I have no issue being a little embarrassing in public in the name of getting ~content~, but doing a TikTok dance in the middle of a crowded restaurant, in the middle of a pandemic, while randos are everywhere around you? It’s a little much for me. Addison has a big empty house to half-ass these dances in! Or she could go to Kourtney’s house! Of course, because TikTok is wild, this video still got over two million likes. Why do I even try?
@drphil##YouHaveTo stop calling me “daddy.” I ain’t ya daddy.♬ you have to stop supporting trump – hannah_harpist
Dr. Phil’s video pleading with people to stop calling him daddy went totally viral over the weekend, and I have to admit, it’s grown on me. The first time I saw it, I was horrified—both with what I was seeing, and the idea that anyone would call him daddy in the first place. But now that I’ve seen it a few (dozen) more times, I’ve come to appreciate this as the comedy gold that it is. Dr. Phil, I might be cringing, but please make more of these videos.
@tanamongeaulolok and this is why i shouldn’t do the trends hahahahahahh @boasteakhouse♬ original sound – routinesbymills
Just like Addison, Tana also made a TikTok at a restaurant this week, but hers is cringe for an entirely different reason. While she giggles into her phone camera, we see a waiter bringing her food in full mask, gloves, glasses, and face shield. I’m not trying to shame anyone for supporting restaurants right now, but something about making a stupid video while your waiter looks like a f*cking stormtrooper feels… dystopian. I hope she at least asked the waiter if he was okay with her posting this.
Derek Hough’s videos always make me feel mildly uncomfortable, and this one where he’s shirtless and keeps punching the camera reeks of toxic masculinity. I’m not saying Derek himself is toxic, but I just don’t love this vibe. Also, are these fitness facilities in his home? Private? He’s not wearing a mask at all, so I certainly hope this isn’t a public gym. The thought of stepping foot into a gym right now makes me shiver, so it’s kind of wild that other people are just hanging out making TikToks by the weight machines.
August 29-September 4:
Heidi, Heidi, Heidi. I am continually impressed with Heidi Montag’s ability to pump out the unintentionally disturbing content on TikTok, and this drag makeup filter is some of her worst work yet. The Disney theme music has never been more chilling. If you’re reading this and you know Heidi personally, please ask her to stop.
@foodgodWho likes banana pudding??♬ original sound – foodgod
I mean, do I need to explain why I cringed at this video of FoodGod shoveling banana pudding into his mouth with the world’s largest spoon? Everything this clown does is over the top, and this ridiculous dessert tower is no different. Honestly, this stuff is probably delicious, but now it’s been ruined for me. Thanks, Jonathan!
@perezhiltonIs this the end of the ##FreeBritney movement? Probably not. But, I don’t think ##BritneySpears’ lawyer would lie to the court. Do u?♬ Follow PerezHilton on TikTok – perezhilton
If you’re still getting your celeb news from Perez Hilton in 2020, I have questions, but his TikTok videos are A LOT. If you actually want to know what’s going on with Britney Spears and her conservatorship, read this article instead. It’s more coherent, and you don’t have to stare into Perez’s creepy eyes.
@officialhowiemandel##duet with @ramanaborba she just needs practice♬ WAP（feat. Megan Thee Stallion） – Cardi B
If you’re one of the three remaining famous people on TikTok who hasn’t already done the “WAP” dance, I have a message for you: YOU DON’T HAVE TO! Please, for the love of god, just leave it alone! There are a lot of things I need right now, but seeing Howie Mandel twerk is absolutely not on that list. I really wish I could unsee this.
@meghantrainorHow I FaceTime family and besties♬ original sound – meghantrainor
Ring ring—it’s your sleep paralysis demon calling! Meghan Trainor’s TikTok presence is all over the map, and while I don’t love when she tries to do cute videos with her husband Daryl Sabara, I certainly don’t love this either. Idk what she was trying to accomplish here, but now her close-up face is permanently seared into my brain.
It’s always a bumpy ride with boomers on TikTok, and personally, I never needed to see Danny Tanner dancing to a remix of “Love Story.” When he pulled out the ring box, I was expecting something funny to happen, but instead, he reveals a wire ring and then just kind of stands around, and then starts hip thrusting. Ew. Bob, you have to have a clear concept if you don’t want the video to fall flat!
@sherinicoleei warned u @addisonre hope this teaches you to be nice to your mama ❤️ ##foryou ##ChoresInThisHouse ##foryoupage ##ChemicalHearts♬ WAP (feat. Megan Thee Stallion) – Cardi B
The name Sheri Easterling probably doesn’t ring a bell, but she’s Addison Rae‘s mom, and she has over 10 million followers, because TikTok is wild. Everything about Sheri’s online presence is cringe, but she really outdid herself with her take on the viral “WAP” dance. Last week, I came for Lisa Rinna for her “WAP” video, but this is much, much worse. The thirst is REAL, and I’m upset.
@kevinbaconGood morning TikTok! Do you love mango? This is how I like to eat it. ##EasyMeal ##TikTokRecipe ##SummerDIY ##Mango♬ Memories (In the Style of Maroon 5) – Instrumental King
Back to the boomer men! Kevin Bacon is on TikTok for some reason, and this week he shared a groundbreaking recipe for how to eat a mango. The whole thing is uncomfortable, because Kevin has to whisper because his wife is sleeping. And then, at the end, he bites into the mango like a literal animal, and it’s just too much for me. Someone get this man a napkin.
You know what I didn’t need to see at 10am today? Foodgod shoveling piping hot pizza into his mouth, and then letting it drop back onto the plate. I realize that I’m now making all of you suffer through the same video, but sorry, we’re in this together. Every time I watch Jonathan Cheban’s videos they make me upset, which means I should probably just stop looking, but it’s like a car crash at this point.
Justin Bieber only posts on TikTok sporadically, but when he does, it’s almost never good. In this one, he just sings a few seconds of his song “Intentions,” with a filter on his face that’s honestly disturbing to look at. By now, most celebrities as famous as Justin have either stopped using TikTok or invested money in being really good at TikTok (Jason Derulo, Will Smith), so Justin’s uncomfortable, poorly-lit videos feels like they’re from a different era (aka March 2020).
God bless sweet Heidi Montag, who completely missed the point of this TikTok trend. You’re supposed to list some specific trauma you went through, and other top-tier examples include numerous people saying “I was on Dance Moms” and Claudia Conway saying “my mom is Kellyanne Conway.” Heidi has PLENTY of good material for this trend, like being married to Spencer Pratt, or her mom telling her she didn’t look pretty on TV after having 10 cosmetic surgeries, but she just went with “you can’t.” Heidi, I was rooting for you!!
@kelleyflanaganthat’s not what it’s suppose to look like 😭 ☺️♬ original sound – _madi.nicole
You’ll need your sound on for the full cringe effect of this one—it’s a real audiovisual experience. Kelley starts by failing miserably at a TikTok dance that she wasn’t equipped to try in the first place, and then we hear Pilot Pete behind the camera telling Kelley that she looks like a hot bunny. Pardon me while I throw up in my mouth. The gushy posts from these two have always rubbed me the wrong way, and this isn’t helping.
Lisa Rinna’s signature dancing videos have recently become a source of conflict on RHOBH, and while I wouldn’t love it if my mom was posting stuff like this, Lisa can do whatever she wants. But with this “WAP” video, Lisa has really outdone herself. She’s flashing her crotch, she’s on the floor, she is truly doing the most. Whether you’re team Rinna or not, I really feel like this one could’ve stayed in the drafts.
@hannahg11HE DID NOT JUST GO THERE @therealdbcoop♬ original sound – hannahg11
This video of Hannah and Dylan doing the “It’s the (fill in the blank) for me” trend is actually really cute! Rather than cringing AT this one, I’m cringing on behalf of Hannah, who gets thoroughly clowned by Dylan when he brings up all the other guys she made out with while stringing him along on Bachelor in Paradise. Honestly, good for him for being able to joke about this, because it was pretty rough to watch. Ugh, I miss 2019.
@hannahkbrownwill the real hannah brown please stand up. ##ootd ##pjsallday ##stepintolove ##moodflip ##fyp ##fashion ##style ##streetstyle♬ for when ur indecisive – coolviv69
This video of Hannah trying on a bunch of different outfits exudes strong “I’m not like other girls” energy. Like, good for you, sometimes you wear dresses and sometimes you don’t—is that special? Also, we’re all at home 24/7, so wearing pajamas during the day is basically the norm at this point.
The Bachelor ladies really had a strong showing this week, and this drone footage of Kelley’s awkward dancing on a rock just added to the overall cringe factor. Also… is she trying to say she and Pilot Pete are engaged?? Like, I don’t think she is, but also, is she? If not, the the part about pulling out a ring makes absolutely no sense. I guess I won’t waste too much brain power trying to figure it out.
@perezhiltonIt’s ##GriffinJohnson vs ##CharliDamelio’s parents! Whose side are U on? 🤭 Get my new memoir! Link in bio or at PerezHiltonBook.com♬ Shook – Tkay Maidza
Perez Hilton has always weirded me out, and watching him yell about 15-year-old Charli D’Amelio’s maybe-cheating scandal feels skeezy as f*ck. Perez has made numerous TikToks about Charli’s relationship status, and it’s… bizarre. Get a hobby! Also, this format of his head just popping into the screen from various angles is giving me a headache.
@kelleyflanaganHappy birthday @pilot_pete ❤️❤️♬ Up Beat (Married Life) – Kenyi
This week was Pilot Pete’s 29th birthday, and Kelley celebrated her man with a montage of all their experiences as a couple. Well, all their experiences minus the time he dumped her on a TV show. But the actual cringe part of this is that their entire relationship has taken place during a pandemic, yet this video makes it clear they’ve been doing an awful lot of traveling in the last few months. I get that Peter is a pilot, but like, this is a lot.
@itsjojosiwaMeet Mark:) @mark.bontempo♬ Famous (I’m the One) – Mozzy & IAMSU!
JoJo Siwa has a boyfriend! In case you don’t pay much attention to her, she’s actually not nine years old—she’s 17, and she’s dating a guy named Mark. She introduced him to her followers in this video where he’s wearing one of her signature ridiculous outfits, and you can just see the fear in his eyes, because he knows he’s about to be used for content for as long as this relationship lasts. Good luck, Mark, hope you like finding glitter everywhere!
@gabi_butler1617Having fun with these cuties today 💕 ##cheer ##fyp@ca_bobcat @helenandkennedy @addie.iix @tigerliv♬ Deuces – jordanaudiozz
Gabi Butler was one of the breakout stars of Netflix’s Cheer, which shockingly premiered in 2020, even though it feels like three years ago. This week, Gabi was apparently teaching a cheer session in Texas, where the coronavirus situation is… not great. It’s good that the kids are wearing masks, I guess, but they’re also all literally touching each other. With schools in many states reopening, this is about to be the norm, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.
@djpaulydSuper Busy ##Quarantine￼Life ##quarantine ##fyp ##foryoupage ##paulyd ##djpaulyd ￼♬ RICKY DESKTOP THE DICE BEAT – rickydesktop
Pauly D’s TikTok content is mostly fine, though I don’t love his Versace robe. But mainly, I need to bring up his brown leather couch, that looks like those mediocre ice cream sandwiches they handed out at elementary school events. You know, the ones that were wrapped in paper, and mostly just got on your hands? And on top of being ugly, I cannot imagine that is a comfortable couch. Pauly D, please get some better furniture!
Candace Cameron Bure
@candacecameronbHe-Hoo! ##soundofmusic ##LoveOverAll ##Dayspring ##CCBCollection♬ The Lonely Goatherd (From “The Sound of Music”) – Liz Robertson
Now that Fuller House is over, I guess Candace Cameron Bure has a lot of time on her hands, and she’s spending it… learning TikTok dances. Except, I’m not sure this is a TikTok dance so much as choreography from a middle school production of The Sound of Music. Bless her heart, Candace really is trying so hard here, and it shows! I would rather see her attempting the “Savage” dance, honestly, because at least it would be funny.
July 25-August 1:
@addisonre@ondreazlopez♬ hatchback – kekeclipz
Ah yes, Addison, our favorite new Kardashian! Here’s the thing. Addison is so popular on TikTok that she doesn’t even have to care about the quality of her videos anymore. Like, if two people walk in front of the camera while you’re recording, DO ANOTHER TAKE! If my friend is taking pics of me, I’m not gonna post the one with her thumb in front of the lens. This still got five million likes (I’m sick), but come on.
@meghantrainorThat’s my husband @darylsabara 🤣😍💖 ##greysanatomy♬ Grey’s Anatomy – Merrick Lowell
Remember how Meghan Trainor is married to the buy who played Juni in Spy Kids? Well, if you forgot, there you go. Apparently they’ve been watching Grey’s Anatomy recently, and Daryl (the husband) bought some scrubs so he can join in. The thing is, I think they’re joking, but getting cast on Grey’s would be the biggest thing to happen to his career in a very long time. He wishes he could hang with Meredith! Also, I have an inherent distrust of people who are just now discovering Grey’s Anatomy for the first time.
@tanamongeaulolhahahahaha us literally before grocery shopping @abbyrao @saydenseay♬ PICK UP – DaBaby, Quavo
Is it any surprise that Tana Mongeau isn’t following proper social distancing protocols? I already would’ve said no, and then she was seen at that massive influencer party a couple weeks ago. But this time, she’s dancing with her friends in the parking lot before going grocery shopping (why), and though they’re wearing masks, she and her friend “kiss” each other. No, please no. Wearing a mask is great, but it’s not just a cute little costume piece for your funny TikTok.
@derekhoughCan’t help my face ##face ##expression ##dance @nbcworldofdance♬ Watermelon Sugar – Harry Styles
It’s always a little cringe when celebs upload promo videos on TikTok, but I get it. But this—a montage of Derek Hough making faces on World of Dance, set to Harry Styles’ “Watermelon Sugar”—is beyond. The song choice has nothing to do with anything, and the faces are… a lot. It’s no secret that the Hough family is not my favorite, and this isn’t doing anything to help.
@francescafaragoI have absolutely no idea what’s going on here 😂 @colecarrigan1 @caseyboonstra @haleycureton @raiane.macedo♬ suono originale – lamaryrose
Last week, Too Hot To Handle’s Francesca was randomly hanging out with Tana, and this week she’s found a new crew of friends to not quarantine with. Honestly, seeing any video of a group of friends who obviously aren’t social distancing is a little triggering right now, and the LA influencer community seems to be following absolutely no rules. But aside from that, WTF is this video? Are they playing ring around the rosy? Grow up, lol.
We already came for YouTube star Nikita Dragun for having a giant mask-free party this week, but the poor pandemic decisions don’t end there. In this video, she’s surrounded by a posse of young men that all look exactly alike, and again, there are no masks here. Nikita, honey, I can send you a mask if you can’t find one!
@foodgodEverything’s BIGGER in Texas! 🍨##foodgod ##icecream ##fypシ♬ original sound – foodgod
Jonathan Cheban, AKA Foodgod, has me blocked on Instagram, so honestly I forget that he exists sometimes. But I’m not safe from seeing his content on TikTok, and it’s just as annoying as you would expect. He posts A LOT, and right now I’m particularly upset by his horrible acting in this obviously staged video. A ginormous ice cream sandwich is pretty much par for the course for Foodgod, but still, ew. Also, I hope this is an old video, because no one is wearing a mask.
Despite being decades older than the main TikTok demographic, Howie Mandel is actually super successful on the platform. Apparently a lot of Zoomers didn’t even realize he was famous before TikTok, which like, smh. A lot of his videos are cute and/or funny, but this? This is straight-up nightmare fuel. I feel like I’m watching a haunted jack-in-the-box, and I’d like it to stop.
@tanamongeaulolhahahahahahaha francesca is always like what is this SOUND @francescafarago♬ ppcocaine unreleased song – sugarllme
Please welcome back to the stage, Tana Mongeau! After partying with Nikita Dragun this week, Tana also hung out with Francesca from Too Hot To Handle. I swear, these people are seeing more friends in a week during a pandemic than I ever did before corona. Aside from the cringe aspect of hanging out in a state where social gatherings are currently prohibited, this video is also just a complete mess. Truly, what is going on here?
@heidimontag##WhatsUpDocChallenge @prattdaddy ##crystals ##positivity ##goodenergyonly♬ Merrily We Roll – Looney Tunes Cartoons
Someday I will stop paying attention to Heidi’s tragic TikToks, but that day is not today. As usual, she’s shilling for Spencer’s crystal company by holding the crystals up and looking at them like she’s confused. This time, she’s got Looney Toons as her backing track, and her faces and fake running are too much for me to handle. Heidi, please.
@tanamongeaulolit’s ok me 2 @jakepaul 😫❤️♬ Theres more to me than an ostrich video – jujuflowervibes
I think I speak for all of us when I say “TANA NOOOOOOO.” That’s right, Tana is hanging out with Jake Paul again (that’s her ex-fake husband, if you can’t be bothered to remember anything about these people). She says they’re just friends, but 1) why is he cuddling with her during a pandemic and 2) why would she even want to be friends with him? Idk, I just have a bad feeling about this.
@officialreesetiktokWhen your kid has his first single out! @deaconmusic @🎶💫 ##longrun @ninanesbitt♬ Long Run (feat. Nina Nesbitt) – Deacon & Nina Nesbitt
For this one, I’m cringing in solidarity with Reese’s 16-year-old son, Deacon. He just released his first single last week, and of course, Reese wants to turn it into a TikTok dance. The song is catchy AF, btw. I’m sure Deacon appreciates his mom’s support, and it’s cute that she’s so excited for him, but that doesn’t mean the cringe level isn’t off the charts.
@jason_tartick3 cups of coffee + Hamilton Week + Only 3 hours of sleep = THIS♬ You’ll Be Back – Jonathan Groff & Original Broadway Cast of Hamilton
Since Hamilton came to Disney+ earlier this month, it’s been a big trending topic, but a TikTok of Jason Tartick lip-syncing to King George’s song is one piece of content I would’ve been fine without. I can just imagine Kaitlyn coaching him through this, and he probably did 100 takes to get it right. I guess it’s kind of cute, but still, I’ll just watch the real thing.
@heidimontag@prattdaddy♬ GOOBA – 6ix9ine
Look, I almost feel bad including Heidi again, but how does she not know that you if you want the bottle to “explode”, you have to shake the champagne before popping the cork? I refuse to believe Heidi Montag has never popped a bottle in her life. Also, what is this photo shoot for? She’s wearing a yellow dress with sneakers, and in another video, she’s posing with a cowboy hat (not wearing it, posing with it). Whaat is going on?
@perezhiltonThis makes no sense to me!!! Seems… gross? Crazy!!! 🤔 Get my new autobiography! Click the link in my bio or on Amazon or at PerezHiltonBook.com♬ This Magic Moment – Ben E. King
This emoji filter that Perez Hilton is using is the scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. You thought The Shining was scary? Try Perez talking about dates through a giant lip emoji. Nope, no thank you, I’d like my money back. Can’t wait to have nightmares about this tonight!
June 26-July 3:
Has Heidi been possessed by aliens? In this video, she’s trying the famous TikTok “slow walk” (which she’s not very good at), but she’s also holding two of Spencer’s crystal necklaces. She says that the crystals have her energy moving, but there is absolutely no energy happening in this video. Her dead-eyed stare into the camera might give me nightmares, not gonna lie.
@jakepaulthis wasn’t a smart idea @kingrygarcia♬ original sound – jakepaul
Around here, Jake Paul is mostly known for his fake marriage to Tana Mongeau, and for generally being an ass, but did you know he’s a professional boxer now? He apparently won his first pro fight in January, but he’s not looking too good in this clip. I know this list is about cringing, but watching him get punched repeatedly is… kind of satisfying.
@kelleyflanagan@pilot_pete my buddy through it all ❤️♬ original sound – ashlaward
I’m sure you weren’t wondering, but just in case you were, Kelley and Pilot Pete are still going strong. Kelley posted this sappy montage of their times together, set to a TikTok sound of some girl talking about how life’s small moments are beautiful. Ew. Conveniently, Kelley left out any clips of her time on The Bachelor, because I guess those don’t really fit with the narrative.
@ritaoraLove is love ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜!!! Happy ##PRIDE!!♬ How To Be Lonely – Rita Ora
We’ve talked a lot about performative allyship in the last month or so, and while I love Rita Ora, this Pride TikTok is a damn mess. She’s been quarantining at a rented cottage in the Cotswolds (very The Holiday vibes), which she filled with about 1,000 balloons, just so she can bust through them and shout “Happy Pride!” Lol, thanks Rita! Also, her new single is playing in the background, because she has to get her product placement in there somewhere. I really hope she donated to some LGBTQ organizations or something, because this video is not it.
@jamescharlestag yourself I’m the chip clip holding my pants together♬ Then Leave – BeatKing
As tempting as it is, I am not here to clown James Charles for his dancing. I could, trust me, but that’s not truly the issue here. Instead, I’m choosing to focus on the moment when he turns sideways, and we see that the waist of his jeans is being held in with a literal clamp. This is a classic move on Say Yes To The Dress, but those women are trying on sample-size dresses that don’t actually fit them. James, please get some jeans that fit. I know you can afford them!
Check back next week for what TikTok messes the celebs have in store for us—can’t wait to see how they continue to ruin this platform!
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Images: Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com; tanamongeaulol, officialreesetiktok, jason_tartick3, perezhilton, heidimontag, jakepaul, kelleyflanagan, hannahg11, jasonderulo, ritaora, jamescharles / TikTok
By now, Peter Weber’s season of The Bachelor feels like a distant memory. Bigger issues have overtaken our world, like the fact that The Bachelorette is delayed indefinitely, and we’re now forced to suffer through Listen To Your Heart every Monday. Pilot Pete’s season may have been a mess, but now we’re in truly desperate times. Luckily, these thirst-monsters are still clinging to relevance, so we’ve got more drama between Peter and Madison to deal with.
A lot has happened in the last month, so here’s a quick refresher. On the finale of The Bachelor, Peter broke off his engagement to Hannah Ann, and then said he wanted to make things work with Madison. They got back together, before announcing their split just two days later. Were they ever really back together? Debatable. Fast forward a few weeks, and Peter flew to Chicago, where he’s been quarantining with Kelley Flanagan. A couple weeks ago, he went on several podcasts and claimed that nothing serious is going on between them, but who really cares? Madison, meanwhile, has been quarantining at her parents’ house in Alabama, and based on her cringeworthy TikToks, she’s fully reverted back to the life of a high school girl. Okay, great, now we’re caught up.
Over the weekend, the shade between Madison and Peter kicked off on TikTok, of all places. Madi posted a cute video featuring several women from Peter’s season, not including Kelley. There were also like, 20 other women missing, but whatever. Someone commented asking where Kelley was, and Madi replied, “with our ex lol.” Honestly, I screamed when I saw that. Props to Madison for this A+ shade, because I had no idea she had it in her.
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Just from that comment, it was apparent that there were some hard feelings going on here, and now we have some more clarity on the situation. Madison made an appearance on the newest episode of Kaitlyn Bristowe’s Off The Vine podcast, and she spilled some major tea about the complicated timeline. When asked about her relationship with Kelley, Madison said that they were “inseparable throughout the entire process,” so she was “definitely hurt and thrown off” when she saw that Kelley was with Peter.
In any situation, it would be weird if one of your good friends got together with your ex. But Madi says it was “really confusing,” because Peter was trying to get back with her just TWO DAYS before he was seen in Chicago. She says, “He was, like, calling me and texting me being like, ‘I miss you, let’s get back together… I think that to me was a little confusing.” Hmm, to me it sounds like Peter was basically just in the mood to quarantine with someone, and he may have been looking into multiple options. Classic f*ckboy behavior, and it wouldn’t be the least bit surprising coming from Pilot Pete.
Speaking of f*ckboy behavior, his bizarre treatment of Madison continued when he reached out after the photos with Kelley were released. Madison told Kaitlyn that “He sent me this long, long text, kind of explaining himself, but not really. Just kind of sharing the current situation or whatever. I was very kind back, I was just like, ‘Look, this doesn’t affect anything for me, like, we went our separate ways, it’s not like I lost something here.’ I guess, but I told him kind of what I’m saying. What I’m confused about Peter is two days ago you were telling me how much you loved me and wanted to get back together and now you’re with the one person that was my best friend. It just feels a little hurtful.”
Damn, Madison really went in here, and I’ve never liked her more than I do right now. I don’t doubt that, at some point, Peter had deep, genuine feelings for Madison, but he needs to get over it and stop acting like all this stuff hasn’t gone down since. Madi is clearly doing fine, so stop texting her whiney bullsh*t when you’re shacking up with a woman who used to be her close friend.
In conclusion, Madison said she wishes Peter and Kelley all the best, but added that she hasn’t spoken to Kelley “in a really long time.” I would say that makes me sad, but I don’t have actual emotions for these people. Also, in what real world would a 28-year-old Chicago lawyer be friends with a 24-year-old from Alabama? They’ll both get over it.
But who’s not over it? Peter! He clearly felt some type of way about what Madison said on the podcast, and he decided the public comments on a Bachelor tea Instagram page was the appropriate place to express this. He tagged Madi, saying “you’d think you’d have a little more respect for this situation given we both know there’s more to the story…”
Okay, while I don’t know what Peter is alluding to here, I feel like he’s being a little bit of a drama queen. First of all, could he not just text her about this? He clearly had her number as of *checks notes* two days before he went to Chicago to stay with Kelley! Also, talking about this stuff on podcasts is petty much par for the course for these people. Peter, just a few weeks ago, went on three different Bachelor podcasts in the same week! He might not have liked what Madison had to say, but it’s not like she ruined his life or anything. All of these people are just trying to get a few more headlines before we stop caring about them, so it’s not really worth getting mad about.
What is worth getting mad about? The fact that Paradise likely won’t happen this year, so we won’t get to see any of this petty drama play out in person. There is nothing I would love more right now than to see Kelley and Madison come face to face on that beach and spend two full episodes arguing about who texted Peter and when. Throw Hannah Ann in the mix, and you barely need anyone else for the whole season! If we don’t get to see this, then we’ll really have something to complain about. See, Peter? There are things in the world that actually MATTER!! Now spend less time in the Instagram comment section, and more time working on your TikTok skills, because they’re dismal.
Images: ABC/John Fleenor; thebetchelor, bachelornation.scoop / Instagram
This pandemic has been an interesting time for the people of Bachelor Nation, and each day Chris Harrison’s crew of misfit toys find new and exciting ways to make us roll our eyes. Of course, there are the TikToks, which are pretty uniformly not great, and we’ve even seen Clare Crawley break out her dusty old dress from Juan Pablo’s season—the situation in Bachelor Nation is low-key dire.
But the Bachelebrity (just coined a word, you’re welcome) who’s bothered me in the past couple weeks has to be Peter Weber. Ah, Pilot Pete, so cute but so obnoxious. As you probably know by now, Pete is currently in Chicago, where he’s doing a questionable job of quarantining with Kelley Flanagan. When we first saw photos of them together in the Windy City, it was already a little late to be flying across the country, not to mention that they weren’t really social distancing at all. But it’s been a couple weeks since then, and this week, Pete finally commented on his situation with Kelley.
In an interview for Nick Viall’s podcast, Pete said that his relationship with Kelley has always been “serendipitous.” He points to the time he and Kelley
f*cked met at a hotel before the show, but explained that their relationship just didn’t work during filming (probably because Kelley’s practicality didn’t make for good TV). But then, he ran into her in Miami during Super Bowl weekend. He said he was hanging out with some other Bachelor friends, and Kristian, Demi’s ex, showed up with Kelley. That’s when they exchanged numbers, and fully reconnected.
Of his decision to go to Chicago, Peter said that “I wasn’t working so I thought I’d go out there and spend some time with her, take her mind off some things.” Ah, nothing takes your mind off of family sh*t like getting laid, right? He says that this was “right when everything was starting to hit with the quarantine stuff,” and I’m gonna call bullsh*t. Pete was first seen in Chicago on March 25th, a full five days after the Governor of California issued a statewide shelter-in-place order. Pretty sure Peter flew to Chicago after everything started “to hit with the quarantine”, lol.
But anyway, quarantine-shaming aside, here’s what Peter had to say when asked about his relationship with Kelley: “Are we dating? No. Do I love spending time with her? Absolutely. We’re not dating. Could I see that in the future? Yeah, of course.” Well, glad to see that his f*ckboy tendencies are alive and well during this time of strife. Peter literally claims that he and Kelley are “taking it really, really slow,” meanwhile he has fully been living with her for the past two weeks. Sure, maybe they’re not defining the relationship at this point, but deciding to make someone your quarantine bae is pretty much the opposite of taking things slow.
Peter acknowledged that he’s been through a lot in the last months, saying that he “just had an engagement that didn’t work out,” and also “just was trying to pursue things with another woman that didn’t work out.” But he acts like he’s staying super single because of all that, while Kelley was probably sitting next to him on the couch during the interview. I’m no relationship expert, but Peter’s current situation is not what taking time alone looks like.
So it’s too soon to say whether something long-lasting is going on between Peter and Kelley, but I’d love if he would stop lying to us (and himself) that they’re taking things slow. And also, I’d love if he would stop making TikToks, too. Thanks, Pete!
Images: ABC/Maarten de Boer
On Monday night’s Women Tell All episode of The Bachelor, Peter and the women worked their way through much of the drama that’s gone down this season. Kelsey was applauded for being in touch with her emotions (lol ok), Victoria denied one more time that she’s the most prolific home wrecker in Virginia Beach history, and Rachel Lindsay reminded us all that racism is never okay. But there was one notable thing that wasn’t addressed at all on the show: where the f*ck was Kelley?
As we all know, Kelley finished fifth on this season of The Bachelor, and despite her refusal to take the drama too seriously, she was an important player in some of the most interesting storylines. I mean, she met Peter before the season ever started, and we STILL never got to the bottom of whether or not they hooked up! But by all accounts, Kelley wasn’t even invited to the Women Tell All taping, despite the fact that she was in LA at the time. (Natasha, who finished sixth, was invited, but wasn’t able to make it.) So what gives? She should’ve had her own hot seat segment, or some kind of featured moment, or even been invited, at the very least! Why would ABC just pretend that one of the season’s central figures doesn’t exist?
Chris Harrison actually addressed the Kelley controversy last week on the Almost Famous podcast with Ashley Iaconetti, saying that the producers “felt Kelley didn’t play an integral part to the storyline.” I’m sorry, what? I don’t pretend to know everything that goes on behind the scenes of The Bachelor (just some of it), but anyone who’s even generally aware of this season would call bullsh*t on this explanation. Chris, if you’re gonna go on these podcasts and answer questions about this stuff, you have to come up with excuses that sound like they could at least be a little true… this really was a weak one.
In Ashley I’s most recent Bachelor recap for Cosmopolitan, it’s clear that she’s not buying Chris’ reasoning, either. She echoes the popular internet theory—started by Reality Steve—that Kelley did something to piss off the producers, so her lack of a WTA invitation could be some kind of retaliation. On a season full of women who seemed eager to buy into drama and acted like their lives depended on it, Kelley seemed more than happy to just have a good time and see what happened. While she still ended up being great TV, I’m sure the producers didn’t love that she wasn’t buying into all their manipulation. Last month, she liked this tweet saying that she “clearly hates Peter and this process”, and that kind of says it all. Hannah Ann would NEVER.
I respect Kelly so much more than I thought I would because she clearly hates Peter and this process and she’s not hiding it #TheBachelor
— alaina antonelli (@alainpennylaine) February 4, 2020
In her recap, Ashley I also suggested that ABC might have been worried that, had she been invited to Women Tell All, Kelley would have complained about how she was edited on her last date on the show. If you’ll recall, that was the date where it basically looked like Kelley was sh*tting on the other women for their lack of real careers, and she got a lot of backlash for judging her fellow contestants. Maybe it was the edit, maybe it wasn’t, but this would still be a lame reason for not inviting her. People blame their behavior on the edit all the time on reality TV, and all Chris Harrison would have had to say is “the cameras don’t lie” or something like that. Andy Cohen has pulled this move dozens of times, and it literally always works.
I’m still frustrated that Kelley wasn’t there on Monday night, but at least there was plenty of other stuff to talk about on this season’s Women Tell All. Say what you will about this season, but it has not been lacking in drama. But in the future, I’m gonna need Chris Harrison to miss me with these weak excuses, and give us the real tea about decisions like this. Also, Kelley better f*cking get an invite to Paradise this summer, because that’s the only thing that can make this right. It’s what we deserve!
Images: ABC; Giphy; alainpennylaine / Twitter