On Thursday night, Katy Perry released her new song and video, “Never Worn White”, and with the release, she made a big announcement: she and her fiancé Orlando Bloom are expecting their first child together. After being on and off for a few years, Katy and Orlando got engaged on Valentine’s Day of last year, and Katy’s new song is basically a love letter to Orlando. She sings that she’s never worn white, but she’s ready to try with him, and that she’s ready to make “a full family tree” together.
But while the focus of the new song is squarely on her future husband, I couldn’t help but notice that it’s pretty dismissive of her first husband. Does no one else remember her mess of a marriage to Russell Brand?? But she’s “never worn white”? Something’s not adding up here. I definitely watched her concert documentary, in which she repeatedly breaks down because her marriage is falling apart. What does she mean, never worn white?
Well, it turns out she got us on a technicality. When she married Brand in 2010, she was wearing a dove gray dress, which feels like basically the same thing, but I guess “Only Worn Dove Grey Once Before” doesn’t have the same ring to it. But aside from the title, the song also contains some lyrics that makes it sound like Katy barely remembers that she’s been married before. In the first verse, she sings “I’ve stood on the edge of love, but never took the leap.” Okay, I’ve never even been in a serious relationship, but am I missing something? Is the leap not marriage? Is there another leap I’m unaware of? Like, having a kid, I guess? Idk, I feel like marriage is the main leap here.
In the chorus, she says that she’s scared, but “I really wanna say ‘I do.'” I can’t tell whether she’s acting like her first marriage didn’t happen, or saying that she’s scared because it went so badly the last time. Either way, she has no f*cking time for Russell Brand, and it’s kind of amazing. She’s channeling big Gigi Hadid “unbothered by your irrelevant ugly ass” energy, and I love it. Let’s not pretend that Orlando Bloom isn’t a huge upgrade from Russell Brand.
But while Russell Brand can go shave his back now, Katy Perry is pregnant with Orlando Bloom’s baby, and she looks f*cking amazing. In the video, she first wears a flowing white gown (so she HAS worn white!), and then transitions to a look that’s basically just a mountain of flowers.
Is it just me, or did everyone in fashion/music/entertainment see Midsommar last year and immediately call their stylist? Just saying, I feel like there have been a lot of flower mound outfits in the past year, but I’m not mad about it.
On Twitter, Katy joked about her newly announced pregnancy, saying that she’s glad her days of sucking it in and carrying big purses are over. I haven’t been paying a lot of attention to Katy Perry’s public appearances lately, but I guess her tactics worked, because I definitely hadn’t heard anyone talking about her being pregnant before today.
omg so glad I don’t have to suck it in anymore 🙄
— KATY PERRY (@katyperry) March 5, 2020
Katy also said on social media that “it’s gonna be a jam packed summer,” so we can probably assume that she’s due sometime over the summer. As for her and Orlando’s wedding, it’s unclear at this point when she’ll be wearing white ~for the first time~. They were originally planning to get married in December 2019, but ultimately changed their plans. They haven’t announced a replacement date, and now it’s unclear whether they’ll tie the knot before the baby comes. Either way, I’m sure she’ll look fabulous in white, a color that she definitely hasn’t ever worn before in her life. Mazel tov, Katy and Orlando!
Images: Silvia Elizabeth Pangaro/Shutterstock; Katy Perry / YouTube; katyperry / Twitter
If you’re in a relationship, Valentine’s Day is really the one day of the year when you have a free pass to be obnoxious on social media. As a single person, it’s fun to complain about everyone posting their flowers and chocolate, but I get it. But while you were posting a throwback photo of you and your SO with a cheesy caption, some of our favorite celebrities were out here getting truly wild yesterday. Here’s a rundown of some of the most extra celebrity posts this Valentine’s Day, and most of them are exactly who you’d expect.
Less than one week after Stormi World broke the internet, Kylie Jenner is back with another over-the-top holiday display. Travis Scott is currently away on tour, but that didn’t stop him from arranging a series of heart-shaped rose arches that probably cost more than I make in a year. Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if Kylie coordinated these herself, because she seems like the kind of woman who would want to be in control of her Valentine’s Day. It’s unclear if there was a gift or something waiting at the end of the display, but it was probably something else I can’t afford.
If the name “Randall Emmett” still doesn’t ring a bell for you, he’s Lala Kent’s fiancé, thus he’s better known as “Rand” or just “My Man.” As we know, Lala is currently filming a new movie, and she got surprised on the set with a very large vase of flowers. Like, she’s sitting in the courtroom set in costume in full WWII Germany-era clothing, and they bring the flowers in. I guess this is romantic, but I’m pretty sure you’d get fired for pulling this sh*t if your man wasn’t the one financing the movie.
We can always count on BachelorNation’s most annoying couple to bless us with dumb content. Earlier this week, we learned that Jared and Ashley are writing a children’s book (yikes), and if Ashley’s V-day caption is any indication, we’re in for a real treat. While posting the sappiest photo of her and her fiancé, she writes a nice caption about how if you’re a lonely loser, you should still have hope! Thanks so much Ashley, your support really means the world. Can’t wait to preorder the book!
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To the single people who are feeling lonely, left out, or longing for a special someone while scrolling on Instagram today. I promise you will be with your right person when it’s meant to happen and then you’ll realize you shouldn’t have stressed so much about it because the wait so worth it! I know this is cliche, but it’s also true and it take from someone who was single for almost 30 years. It just takes one person to change everything! I love you more than I could ever express, @jaredhaibon.
Considering that Kanye West rented out an entire baseball stadium to propose to Kim Kardashian, it makes sense that he goes way too far for Valentine’s Day. First of all, if I went anywhere near that room, there is a 100% chance that I would accidentally shatter all those vases. Cute gesture, but I’m f*cking clumsy. Also, where is all of their furniture? Did Kanye have a moving company take away all the furniture just for the afternoon? Also, Kim K loooooves Kenny G, and I can’t think of anything that turns me on less.
NO BIG DEAL KENNY G IN MY LIVING ROOM!!! Happy Valentines Day ??? pic.twitter.com/A1GD0UlEwu
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) February 14, 2019
There’s nothing more eye roll-inducing than a Valentine’s Day engagement, and it’s no big surprise that it came from Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom. They’ve been together for a long time (not counting the period when they were broken up), so it makes sense for them to finally be engaged. I’m not so sure how I feel about that ring (actually, I’m sure, it looks like a Ring Pop), but I’m definitely not feeling this weird closeup angle or Orlando’s greasy-looking hair. Whatever, I’m happy for them I guess.
Images: @kyliejenner / Instagram; @randallemmettfilms / Instagram; @ashley_iaconetti / Instagram; @kimkardashian / Twitter; @katyperry / Instagram