What We Know About Kendall Jenner’s Obscene Halloween Party

Guys, serious question. Why the f*ck do the Kardashians keep having parties? Hot on the heels of Kim’s ill-advised 40th birthday trip, Kendall decided to host her own 25th birthday/Halloween party on Harriet’s Rooftop at Hotel 1 in West Hollywood. That’s right, friends, while you were dropping candy down a chute to a kindergartener wearing a hazmat suit, the Kardashians & Co. were getting their aerosols all up in each other’s tightly costumed business.

The guest list was reported to be around 100 people, with attendees including Jaden Smith, Justin Bieber, The Weeknd, Winnie Harlow, Doja Cat, and 95 other people that I assume I hate. Kendall dressed up as Pamela Anderson and posted her costume on Instagram:

 

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“don’t call me babe” happy halloween! GO VOTE!!! me as Pamela Anderson in Barb Wire 📸 by my angel @amberasaly

A post shared by Kendall (@kendalljenner) on

Look, I’m not going to deny she looks great. But can all these idiots who run around obviously flouting the rules and keeping us in this state of lockdown stop telling me to vote? I already did, and I don’t need your hypocritical ass telling me to do so. Thanks!!

Not only did Kendall throw a huge party, but she clearly knew it was wrong, telling her guests not to post on social media. Of all the rules people should be following right now, THAT’S the one she wanted to enforce at this party??! Also, Kendall, that’s a sweet idea, but you invited people who literally make their living posting on social media. You really think they’re not going to post? That’s like throwing a raw steak at a lion and asking it not to eat it. Even Kendall’s own sister posted the party all over her stories. Intentional sabotage or honest (drunken) mistake?

Lest you all think I am being dramatic (me? never!) and critical of Kendall for no reason, let’s give her the benefit of the doubt! I’m going to take a look at some of the CDC recommendations for gatherings and see how well they were followed at this party.  

Currently, the CDC recommends that people wear masks when they are less than six feet away from other people.

 

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Kendall via @xxbridge Instagram Story 🔥 @kendalljenner #kendalljenner #kourtneykardashian #kourtneykardashian #bellahadid #kendalljennersnapchat #kendallstyle #kendall #kendalljennerfans #kenginews #follow4follow #kendalljennerrp #kendalljennerlook #kendalltattoos #gigihadid #kardashian #kourtneykardashian #khloekardashian #kimkardashian #krisjenner #kyliejennerlips #jenners #kardashian

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Hmmm okay, so I guess that one’s a fail. Unless full body makeup counts?! I have a call out to Dr. Fauci, so if he calls me back and says this one is fine, I’ll update you!! 

The CDC also suggests guests bring their own food, and limit the amount of people where food is being handled. Let’s see how they did on that one:

 

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Kendall celebrating her 25th birthday! 🎉🎃🔥 #happybirthday #kendalljennerhappybirthday #happybirthday25 @kendalljenner #kendalljenner #kourtneykardashian #kourtneykardashian #bellahadid #kendalljennersnapchat #kendallstyle #kendall #kendalljennerfans #kenginews #follow4follow #kendalljennerrp #kendalljennerlook #kendalltattoos #gigihadid #kardashian #kourtneykardashian #khloekardashian #kimkardashian #krisjenner #kyliejennerlips #jenners #kardashian

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SHE BLEW OUT CANDLES!! That wasn’t even sanitary BEFORE people were dying from other people’s spit! I hope that coronavirus was at least buttercream. 

And finally, they recommend that guests minimize gestures that promote close contact. For example, don’t shake hands, do elbow bumps, or give hugs. Instead wave and verbally greet them.

 

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Kendall vía @kyliejenner Instagram Story 🔥 @kendalljenner #kendalljenner #kourtneykardashian #kourtneykardashian #bellahadid #kendalljennersnapchat #kendallstyle #kendall #kendalljennerfans #kenginews #follow4follow #kendalljennerrp #kendalljennerlook #kendalltattoos #gigihadid #kardashian #kourtneykardashian #khloekardashian #kimkardashian #krisjenner #kyliejennerlips #jenners #kardashian

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Does groping count? I really wish they had been more specific about butt contact. I can’t be the only one with this question. 

ET reports that they rapid tested everyone at the door, and only people who tested negative were allowed to go up. That’s at least something, I guess, but who was doing this testing? A doctor?  Or were they just hazing some low-tier Tik Tok star who was willing to demean themselves by sticking Q-tips up popstars’ noses for a precious invite? My money’s on that one. 

Also, this testing is imperfect! A negative rapid test is not an all-access pass to straddle a dude dressed as the Nutty Professor. It’s just not. 

And I’m not the only one who’s pissed. Naturally, the internet went crazy over this party. 

I think the fact that anyone would call this a “super safe” party just shows what a truly skewed view of reality celebrities have right now (and always).

So now I have another question for you. Where are the consequences for the Kardashians? Morgan Wallen got dumped from SNL for partying without a mask, and the NFL has fined teams and coaches for not wearing masks. But it seems that things that stick to others never seem to stick to this family. I think there needs to be a larger conversation about why it’s time for us as a country to be done with the Kardashian/Jenners and their problematic behavior, but in the meantime I would like to see some sort of consequence for how they’ve acted throughout this whole global crisis. Kendall has yet to respond to backlash, but I’m not holding my breath for anything remotely apologetic.

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Images: DFree / Shutterstock.com; kendalljenner, kendalljenner_official__ (3)/Instagram; repaotd, lolzlindz, sixthirtyagbs,harrysgrovvy/Twitter

In This Essay, I Will Prove Why Reign Disick Is Scott And Kourtney’s Favorite

Every parent has a favorite kid, and science literally proved that it’s usually the youngest child. You can be part of the healthiest, most picture-perfect family that’s straight out of a Pottery Barn catalog and your mom will still favor one kid over the rest. And so it makes sense that one of the most dysfunctional families in America plays favorites. I’m talking, obviously, about the Kardashians. We all know that Kris’s favorite is Kim, and she even admitted it. So maybe Scott and Kourtney will finally admit someday that Reign is clearly their favorite kid, and hopefully they’ll do it on camera someday because while P is definitely going to have yet another thing to complain about in therapy, it’ll be funny as f*ck for us heartless viewers. So in honor of Reign’s birthday, let’s look into why he’s Scott and Kourtney’s favorite.

We All Totally Forgot It’s Mason’s Birthday Today As Well

Okay, to be honest, ever since Mason cut off his adorable little man bun and started dressing like a little Hypebeast, I haven’t been focusing on him. His #OOTDs aren’t worth paying attention to, he’s not quotable because people who dress like that literally only talk about their Soundclouds, and I totally foresee him having a Bella Hadid moment where he tries to sound street and says something like, “Homeboy’s gonna like, get it.”  And last week, I saw that he was wearing a Supreme fanny pack slung over his shoulder on my Instagram feed. So he’s officially off the radar and I don’t feel bad about forgetting his birthday.

Kourtney Doesn’t Even Try To Hide It On Instagram

I present to you, Exhibits A through C:

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mornings with Reigny ???? @feliciathegoat

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“there is no one cooler than him” ????????

A post shared by Reign Aston Disick (@reigndisicks) on

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A post shared by Kourtney Kardashian Snapchat (@kourtneysnapchat) on

The name “Reign” literally means “sovereign” so of course he takes precedence over the other Disick kids!

Even Penelope Wants Out

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so cute ☺️????

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Ever since Kris Jenner said the highlight of her 2012 was being on interviewed by Oprah instead of the birth of her first granddaughter and second grand-paycheck, it’s been pretty obvious that Penelope would never be a favorite. And to be honest, I can totally see why Penelope wants Kim to be her own mother instead. Imagine living in a household where gluten and dairy are banned and when you turn 18, your friendship circle will inevitably be your mom and dad’s new dating pool. Oh, and your younger brother is more Instagrammed than you are.

Scott Blows Off His Own Daughter For Reign

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My favorite moments of Scott and Reign on KUWTK❤️ #kuwtk #scottdisick #reigndisick #penelopedisick #masondisick #kourtneykardashian

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Scott held his daughter for, like, two seconds before tossing her aside simply because Reign demanded that his dad pay attention to him instead. The shade!! Penelope having daddy issues is pretty inevitable at this juncture. The plushest of celebrity rehabs probably already have a bed reserved for her. And eventually, when she recovers, she will totally marry one of her dad’s friends as revenge. I’m really hoping it’ll be Joe Francis for the drama, but my money’s on Scott Sartiano because you know P’s going to be clocking in a lot of time at 1OAK (provided it still exists in a decade). Don’t worry, P. I grew up with daddy issues and now I am banned from Yankee Stadium for renting a moonbounce while tailgating, graduated from a safety school at the age of 25, and make fun of small innocent children on their birthdays on the internet, and I turned out just fine!

Images: reigndisicks (3), dashtube, kourtneysnapchat / Instagram