The Kardashians have been getting praised for doing the bare minimum for years, what with the rampant appropriation and the dry, overpriced lip kits that net them billion-dollar companies and the reality show that hasn’t been interesting in years and the… no you’re right I’ll stop, otherwise we’ll be here for hours. And now you can add body positivity to that list, as they *might* finally be not quite jumping on it, but carefully hovering one toe over the bandwagon, with Kourtney Kardashian posting an un-retouched butt selfie.
I know, alert the media.
Well, somebody (and I think we all know who) did alert the media —or, at least, PEOPLE magazine — which published an article entitled, “Fans Praise Kourtney Kardashian for Sharing an ‘Unedited’ Thong Bikini Photo: ‘Way to Empower”. It states, “Since is no stranger to posting butt-baring bikini pics, her eagle-eyed followers soon noticed that the photo appeared to show her backside exactly as it is, with no airbrushing involved.”
I’m not sure it takes an eagle eye to notice when someone’s skin hasn’t been blurred into oblivion, although I will say the “imperfections” here are quite subtle, so I’ll give it to them. The article then included a smattering of positive comments, such as, “Way to empower the natural women body!! Love this 🙌❤️,” and “I love that the little dimples were kept! It’s so natural and so beautiful 😍.”
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Sorry, my eyes rolled back in my head so hard they got stuck and I couldn’t type coherently for a minute there.
I mean, look, is it good that Kourtney didn’t take the opportunity to Facetune her butt, as surely many people on Instagram (and her own family) do? Are there a few (barely) visible ripples in the skin of her butt cheeks? Yes and yes. But excuse me if I’m not going to take this opportunity to praise the Kardashians, a family who basically feeds off an exclusive diet of controversy and rumored butt implants, for posting a “natural” photo. They have long been accused of warped photo editing, secretive cosmetic surgery, and generally feeding into and perpetuating unrealistic and toxic beauty standards, and fans have been begging for them to get real for years. And the best you could do is not airbrushing your butt? Also, not to get too in the weeds here, but if there is one body part that the Kardashians are known for, it’s their butts. (Say butt again.) Should anyone in that family really be getting a cookie for showing off one of their best features? Progress is progress, sure, but on the road to body positivity, this is one small step made by an inchworm with a bad leg.
And why was Kourtney posting an unedited pic anyway? Notably, the photo was posted not to Kourtney Kardashian’s Instagram, but to Poosh’s Instagram, which has a fraction of her personal following. (She posted a different butt picture to her personal Instagram that is conveniently devoid of dimples.) The caption accompanying this brave photo? “Talk about an instant butt lift. We tapped Kourt’s trainer @jesseohara for her top at-home pilates moves for a rounder rear. Link in bio for her tips.”
Despite what the glowing write-ups are implying, the photo was not intended to be a celebration of Kourtney’s natural body—or anyone’s, for that matter. Rather, it’s a promotion for an “at-home Pilates moves for a rounder butt” article on Poosh. And while advertising a Pilates-induced “instant butt lift” is not on the same level as promoting appetite suppressant lollipops or flat tummy tea or a cosmetic butt lift, promoting the idea of instant results from a whopping total of seven Pilates moves smacks of the same scamminess. It still boils down to “change your body quick by doing this thing I’m promoting”.
On the one hand, every celebrity posting their cellulite can give everyday people the confidence to embrace their own, or at least to not be bothered by it. But on the other hand, context is key, and posting this with the intent of driving readers to a butt workout is really just shifting those insecurities to a slightly different focus. Like, you don’t need to have a smooth ass, but you need to have a round one. Is that really doing anyone any good?
I get that for this Photoshopped cyborg family, releasing an unedited photo might be groundbreaking, but if that’s supposed to mean something for the rest of us, then the bar really is underground. This post doesn’t help anyone other than maybe Kourtney promote body acceptance or build confidence or acceptance of their own bodies — it’s still telling you how you can “improve” a part of your body (according to standards perpetuated by this very family).
To be clear, Kourtney herself is not the one putting forth the narrative that this is a groundbreaking move — that’s all the media, who are also linking it to Khloé’s infamous leaked, unedited bikini pic gaffe with headlines such as “Kourtney Kardashian Proudly Shows Off Cellulite After Khloe Kardashian’s Deleted Photo Controversy” and “Kourtney Kardashian’s Unedited Thong Photo Is Everything Khloé’s Critics Wish She Would Post”. But is that all we want them to post? Unedited photos? Unedited pictures are the first step—a step that celebrities have already been taking. The Kardashians are so late to the game it’s not even funny. One article gushes that the picture “shows off her fitness level while still giving us an unfiltered view of what a woman’s body looks like”. This is only “unfiltered” if you are taking an extremely literal and narrow definition of the word — yeah, there may or may not be a filter on this, but that’s about as relatable as it gets. Most women don’t have access to famous personal trainers. Most women don’t look like this!! It’s correct that we get an “unfiltered” look at what “a woman’s body” looks like—a woman. This one.
Call me radical, but we can — and should — wish for more than unedited thong photos. By celebrating this as some huge win, it just reinforces that the Kardashians can continue to be applauded for failing to do anything to actually move the needle.
Images: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for Dior Men; poosh / Instagram
Over the last few weeks, we’ve watched as Kanye West announced his bid for President, maybe dropped out, and then emphatically didn’t drop out, holding a baffling campaign rally over the weekend in South Carolina. Through it all, many have wondered, where is Kim? Aside from a couple of retweets, Kim Kardashian West, normally one of her husband’s most vocal fans, remained quiet about Kanye’s campaign. And beginning on Monday, Kanye West tweeted dozens of messages on a wide range of personal topics, including issues in his marriage with Kim. At first, the family stayed silent about what was going on, but on Wednesday morning, Kim addressed the situation in an open letter posted to her Instagram story, which serves as a reminder that we need to be careful about how we discuss mental health.
On his 2018 album Ye, Kanye revealed that he lives with bipolar disorder. Last year, in an interview with David Letterman, he discussed what it’s like to live with the condition, saying that he gets “hyper-paranoid about everything.” Until now, Kim has chosen not to comment publicly on Kanye’s mental health, and in today’s message, she explains why, saying that she’s kept things private in the past to protect her children and Kanye’s “right to privacy when it comes to his health.”
But in the last few days, Kanye’s mental health has been a worldwide topic of conversation, and Kim decided to speak out publicly. She cites the importance of breaking down the “stigma and misconceptions” surrounding mental health as her reason for responding. Kim specifically notes that those who are “unaware or far removed” from these issues can be “judgmental” of those dealing with mental health crises, but that the situation is far from simple. Because Kanye is an adult, the family doesn’t have any decision-making power in this situation, and Kim clarifies that the “individual themselves have to engage in the process of getting help.”
Kim then specifically addresses Kanye’s struggles, acknowledging that “his actions can cause strong opinions and emotions,” and that his status as a public figure makes him especially subject to criticism. She writes that he is a “brilliant but complicated person,” and that due to his disorder, along with other difficult life experiences, his words often don’t “align with his intentions.” In the last part of her letter, Kim writes that “while we as a society talk about giving grace to the issue of mental health as a whole,” that grace should extend to “individuals who are living with in times when they need it the most.” She thanks those who have expressed concern, and asks that that the media and general public give Kanye and his family the “compassion and empathy that is needed.”
Kim’s letter is an important reminder that there still is a stigma around discussing mental health in our society, and that regardless of your personal opinions on a certain celebrity or figure, we should approach mental health issues with compassion.
Images: Tinseltown / Shutterstock.com; kimkardashian / Instagram
While most people have been obsessing over Kylie Jenner’s breakup with Travis Scott, I personally have been focusing on Khloé Kardashian. That is mostly because Khloé has once again gone dark on IG and disabled all comments after posting a photo of herself where she looks virtually unrecognizable. In other news, the sky is blue! The photo in question is a sultry selfie that could be Khloé but also could be a random VSCO girl she found on the internet to pass off as herself and thought we wouldn’t notice. Well guess what, Khloé? WE F*CKING NOTICE. Fans are saying the photo is an egregious use of FaceTune, and while I’m inclined to agree (seriously, her photo editing skills are a crime against humanity), I’m starting to wonder if this selfie, along with countless others, isn’t just a terrible filter or Khloé projecting the fun-house mirror self-image she keeps in her mind unto the masses via a sh*t ton of FaceTune. Maybe Khloé Kardashian really did get an entirely new face.
I know what you’re thinking: florals for spring Kardashians getting plastic surgery? Groundbreaking. But the thing is, Khloé has adamantly denied having any work done over the years. Back in April, Khloé took to Instagram to be petty AF when responding to fans who commented that perhaps she had gone a bit overboard with recent plastic surgery. I mean, her exact response went something like: “lol, oh man… but sure whatever you want to believe,” which is actually the exact wording I use when my sister confronts me about stealing her shirt and I am definitely wearing said shirt as she puts me on blast over the phone.
Look, I’m of the mind that anyone living within a 50 mile radius of LA has probably had some plastic surgery done, the Kardashians included. And can we really blame them? If I lived in a city where the most skin you were allowed to cover in public was 12 cubic inches then I would also like to look permanently airbrushed at all times. But what do I know? I’m just a 27-year-old woman who spends her free time presenting elaborate powerpoint presentations to my dog on Kardashian conspiracy theories.
ME TO MY DOG AS I WRITE THIS ARTICLE:
But I guess I’m not the only one with this theory about the Kardashians because according to Dr. Manish Shah, a board certified plastic surgeon in Denver, Colorado, Khloé Kardashian has definitely had some work done. “Khloé Kardashian has certainly undergone some major physical changes over the years,” Dr. Shah said. And while some of these changes can be attributed to weight loss (she is killing it with her workout regimen and she does have the receipts Insta stories to prove it) and normal maturation (aka losing her “baby fat”) the rest definitely involves some cosmetic enhancements.
We asked him to look at a few of Khloé’s most recent Instagram posts and weigh in on if he thought these are just the result of a very warped understanding of photo editing or the work of a skilled plastic surgeon. Here’s what he had to say:
On Her Rumored Nose Job
Look, I love KoKo, I really do, but the nose that’s been showing up on her face in her most recent Insta posts look less like the one she was born with and more like the one He Who Must Not Be Named debuted after his resurrection. I’m sorry, but it’s true!! It’s been rumored for years that Khloé might have gotten a nose job, and just last year Khloé herself even admitted that she’s always wanted one, but that she was “too scared” to go through with it. Her stance has always been that she’s just really good at contouring but, like, I’ve never been able to contour my face so good that I could successfully enter myself into Witness Protection and not even have to change my name. Dr. Shah agrees. “It’s clear that she has had rhinoplasty to give her a much more contoured nose,” he said. “Her original nose had a much wider tip and bridge. This nose is sleek.” And it does look sleeker. So sleek that I have to believe there’s more being done to that face than just going to town with a bombass highlighter.
On If She Has Lip Fillers
“Although Khloé never had thin lips, it seems as though some filler has been used to sculpt them in such a way as to make her face as proportional as possible,” Dr. Shah said. He also thinks she’s had some fillers added to her cheeks to give them more shape and definition, which would make sense considering Khloé used to have a rounder face and now her face has more angles than an isosceles triangle. These seemingly new face angles can also be attributed to some work she might have had done on her jawline. “Before, her jawline was very heavy, and seemed to weigh her face down. Now, it is very balanced, delicate and feminine,” Dr. Shah said. “This could be the result of liposuction of the jawline, in tandem with weight loss, and perhaps some artful fillers to give the jaw the desired shape.”
On Her Other Enhancements
Like any good girl from Calabasas, Khloé has also probably dabbled with Botox. “Her forehead is completely smooth,” Dr. Shah said. “That would indicate Botox. Her eyebrows are also in a higher position which could also indicate that they have been elevated by strategically placed Botox.” Dr. Shah thinks she may have also undergone a skin tightening treatment like radiofrequency (a technique that uses radio frequency energy to heat tissue and stimulate collagen production in order to reduce the appearance of fine lines or loose skin). Either way, Khloé looks absolutely unreal these days (no, seriously, it’s absolutely not real) but if it’s making Khloé feel good as hell, then who am I to judge?
So there you have it! Definitive proof that Khloé Kardashian has had some plastic surgery. Sort of. For those of you who are shocked by this turn of events, I think you should also know that the Easter Bunny isn’t real either. It’s just your mom buying discounted CVS candy and whatever else was featured at the checkout aisle at 2am the night before. Kisses!!
Images: @khloekardashian /Instagram (3); Giphy (1)
I don’t know about you, but my favorite moment in television history was when Bella Hadid strutted past The Weeknd on stage during the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, looking hot as hell, while he just stood there looking mad regretful. Honestly, I would do just about anything for that kind of high, because I can’t imagine that anything feels quite as good as reminding a guy who didn’t want to be with you just how hot you are. If you are feeling a little meh and want to change that, getting in shape is a good way to start. To quote the great Elle Woods, “exercise gives you endorphins; endorphins make you happy…” The rest isn’t really relevant to my point, so I’ll just stop there. So if any of this sounds appealing to you, you’ll love what’s to come! Trainer to the stars Autumn Calabrese—you probably know her from Khloé Kardashian’s Revenge Body—created a special ab and glute workout just for Betches readers! What’s more, Khloé’s revenge-seekers aren’t the only people Calabrese has whipped into shape. She used to be Kendall Jenner’s personal trainer, too. Tbh, this workout is not for the meek. It’s hard af, but so is life, so get to work.
Weighted Side Bend
This one is pretty straightforward, so I won’t spend too much time explaining it, but I will take a second to tell you why it’s amazing. Ok, so you know how Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing has those really subtle yet very enviable ab dimples on either side of her torso? That’s probably because she was doing weighted side planks all damn day!
Even though it does a lot, the actual movements aren’t super challenging. To start, grab a weight that feels heavy, but not so heavy that you might drop it. Stand with your feet parallel and about hips-width apart. Place the hand that isn’t holding the weight behind your head like you would for crunches, and then, without breaking your posture, lean sideways toward whichever side the weight is on. So your upper body bends sideways at the waist and your lower body doesn’t move at all. Calabrese says, “I love this move for sculpting the obliques. Perform two sets of 15-20 reps on each side.” You’ll def feel this one the next day.
Dumbbell Hip Hinge
Or as I like to call it, the weighted bend-and-snap. Grab two weights and stand with your feet hip-distance apart. Hold the weights in front of your body (as opposed to down at your sides) with the backs of your hands facing forward. Now, without curving your back, slowly bend your body forward at the waist. Your legs should also bend as your upper body hinges forward about 45 degrees. Then, snap back up. Don’t lift slowly; you want that part to be pretty fast. Calabrese says, “This move is great for lifting your butt. It works the hamstrings and the gluteus maximus. To build your butt, you need to lift heavy, so pick a weight that allows you to perform 10-12 reps where you can’t do any more with proper form by rep 12.” And then you will probably keel over and need a nap, but you’ll get results.
Single Leg Tap Back
Hearing the phrase “tap back” is giving me major SoulCycle PTSD, but I’ll pull it together. Doing single leg tap backs every day will give you a Kardashian butt…in that it will be round and shapely, not full of silicone. For this one, start with your feet touching and a weight in one hand. Just for simplicity’s sake, let’s say the weight is in your right hand. Bend your left leg and step your right foot all the way back so that your toes are touching the ground. It’s kind of like you’re in a modified runner’s lunge. Now, the hard part! Without sacrificing your flat back, lift your right leg up slowly so that it’s at the same height as your hips. Do not, I repeat, do not let your upper body dip down. Keeping that weighted balance is what strengthens your butt and will ultimately make it look like a peach emoji. Calabrese says, “This move is great for working the gluteus maximus and helping lift the butt. It’s also going to help you build your backside. You want to pick a weight that allows you to perform 10-12 reps and you’ll want to do three to four sets of the move.” Ugh, ok fine.
Plank Triple Knee Tuck
Luckily, there are no weights involved in this ab exercise, so if your hands were starting to develop calluses, congrats, you’re done with the weighted portion of the program. You do, however, need two gliders, which are cheap af on Amazon. To start, get in plank position with your arms extended, and place the gliders under your toes. Then, glide your knee to the opposite elbow and then extend back to plank position. You’re going to alternate each knee and do both knees toward their same-side elbows at the same time. This kind of looks like the position you do in leapfrog right before you leap. Good visual, or did I just make that more confusing? You decide. Calabrese says, “This move works the whole body with a strong emphasis on the core. It will help tone your obliques as well as your lower abs.” I like the sound of that.
Glute Bridge With Knee Opener
Get a mat for this one if you don’t want a bruised tailbone. Lay on your back with your knees bent and feet together on the floor. Cool, you’re done! Kidding. Place a resistance band around both legs right above the knee, slowly lift your hips up and then spread your knees, but keep your feet together. Move your knees back together and then slowly lower your hips. This may sound easy because you’re lying down, but don’t be fooled. Your butt will feel like it’s falling off the next day. Calabrese says, “This move is great for shaping and toning the sides of the glutes or the gluteus medius. You want to use a heavy resistance loop for this. Perform two sets of 15-20 reps.”
I did this on a Sunday morning and seriously considered working from home the next day so that I could take an ice bath every few hours. It hurt so good. I fully trust Autumn Calabrese because I’ve seen her magic unfold on Revenge Body, so if you need an at-home workout that will actually challenge you, you’re welcome.
Images: Courtesy of Per Bernal, Autumn Calabrese (5)
It’s an exciting day in Calabasas, because Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s surrogate has given birth to the couple’s fourth child. The news that the surrogate was in labor broke on Thursday, when Kris Jenner was a guest on The Ellen Show. Ellen first surprised Kris by bringing out Kourtney Kardashian, with all of Kourt and Kim’s kids. While Reign was busy screaming about candy on the couch (adorable), Kourtney surprised her mom with the news that Kim’s new baby was on the way any minute. Kris cried, I cried, we all had a great time.
Today, Kim Kardashian announced via Twitter that the baby is officially here:
He’s here and he’s perfect!
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) May 10, 2019
She also said that her new baby looks exactly like her daughter Chicago:
He’s also Chicago’s twin lol I’m sure he will change a lot but now he looks just like her ✨
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) May 10, 2019
Back in early January, sources first began to confirm that Kim Kardashian was having a fourth baby via surrogate. This is her second time using a surrogate, a little over a year after having Chicago. Kim had a notoriously difficult time with her first two pregnancies, suffering from a number of issues including pre-eclampsia. After her second pregnancy, her doctors advised her against getting pregnant again, but she’s always talked about her dream of having four children. Lucky for her, using surrogacy, her dream is now a reality.
Little baby West is grandchild number 10 for Kris Jenner, and they’ve all been born in less than 10 years. This family really knows how to procreate, and there’s no doubt in my mind that the third generation of Kardashian-Jenners really are taking over the world. Give it 15 years, we’ll all be working for North West. Kim Kardashian’s newest baby is actually the first Kardashian child in over a year, which was a break we desperately needed. In the first half of 2018, we had to deal with the back-to-back-to-back arrivals of Chicago, Stormi, and True, so it’s been nice to just focus on the important things in 2019, like whether or not Jordyn Woods hooked up with Tristan Thompson. God, that feels so long ago.
Images: Shutterstock; TheEllenShow / YouTube
In my lifelong search for Photoshop fails, I was originally going to do a more recent photo, but then I found this one, and I was like, oh my God, how, why, etc. I can’t just let it go. It’s too weird and funny. In today’s effort to leave Khloé alone (for now), we’re going to explore the Kardashians as a whole. Except, even they cannot be blamed for this one. Because today’s Photoshop fail is definitely the work of a professional. And by that, I mean the really bad work of a professional. This fail goes way beyond regular FaceTune bullshit. It’s the Kardashian/Jenner 2018 Christmas Card.
CHRISTMAS 2018.
? pierresnaps pic.twitter.com/TmwGeKS6QR— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) December 24, 2018
I remember seeing this photo on Instagram and thinking it was super cute. All the kids, excluding the less interesting family members (bye Kendall, Rob, etc). It’s a great photo and Christmas card idea. I also like when they actually smile in photos with their kids. Usually they are trying too hard to look high fashion and it looks like they f*cking hate their children.
Exhibit A:
Like, doesn’t Kim just look like she’s thinking, “Don’t you dare spit up on me, this is a Chanel”? And North is like, “They don’t pay me enough to deal with this shit.”
But the Christmas card, so cute. Everyone happy. (Well, actually except North, now that I looked at it. I guess she wasn’t paid enough for this one either. Or Penelope and Reign.) Loved it. I didn’t even notice anything wrong with it.
At first.
But then.
These are Khloé’s feet:
But…. they are also Kylie’s feet?
And…actually…one of Kim’s feet, but with a darker skin tone?
And Kourtney’s foot…
Is somehow… also… Kim’s other foot?
They wouldn’t, like, swap out their feet? Right? In fact, Kylie’s feet even look like the same foot flipped. But we could check that. They wouldn’t do that right? Like, what if I flipped them all in the same direction?
This is all the same foot, rotated, stretched, sliced, and warped a little so it looks like the angle is different. Then they blurred or repainted some of the toenails. And Kim’s foot is toned a little darker.
And Kourtney and Kim’s other foot:
Again, this is the same foot. The toes were just warped over so they are more squished. The warp tool kind of smushes things to move or drag them out. This is a CLEAR usage of it for the exact same foot. To prove it, let me do a quick edit to warp the first foot to match the second:
See? Now the toes are in the same position. This took me literally three seconds. From there, I would just erase part of the toes so they’re a little shorter, blur the nails, and erase out part of the foot. It would match the Kim K foot identically. And that’s how the photo editor tried to get away with disguising it as a different foot. But not different enough!
Sooooooooo, what the actual f*ck? Are the KarJenners just like, ridiculously insecure about their feet? Why would anyone do this? I wonder if they even knew this happened, or if the photographer did it without telling them they have ugly feet. What mostly likely happened is that feet just look super weird in photos. I don’t know if you’ve ever had this happen, but especially when you’re sitting back and your feet are closer to the camera than you are, a weird perspective thing happens where your feet look gigantic. That was probably the case here. But like, just leave it? It’s a normal photo thing?
The photographer decided to fix it by most likely just taking a stock image of a foot model and copy-and-pasting the same foot as many times as needed and then warped/sliced/blurred them to make them a little different. This is dumb on so many levels. I would have left it alone, or if I noticed their feet were huge while shooting, I’d move the camera. And I’m not even a photographer.
If he didn’t notice until later and it looked really bad, I would have shrunk their real feet and replaced them. If for some reason that isn’t doable, and they have crazy hideous feet (maybe it’s a Megan Fox toe thumb situation?), then AT THE VERY LEAST, use several different stock foot images for each person. Copy and pasting the same image over and over is like the easiest way to out an edit. It’s Photoshop 101. You don’t leave distinct repetitive marks. Especially not entire appendages!
I don’t even blame the Kardashian/Jenner clan for this disaster. This was definitely the work of a sloppy-ass professional and they should get their money back. Or hire a true pro that knows how to do this correctly (HI). Most people edit to hide acne, skin imperfections, body fat, bags under eyes, etc. But their feet? I mean, they’re all beautiful, can’t they be allowed to have ugly feet? Even that has to be a stock model? However, I will give the photog some credit. They all at least have the correct number of fingers in this one.
Omg, real quick. I was literally done with this article but I looked at the photo again and I’m pretty sure North’s face is Photoshopped into it. I have no proof, it just is a v awkward angle. Like it seems like Kim was covering her too much so they used a different photo to stick her miserable little head back in.
Doesn’t this just look off? They could have at least put one where she looked happy. Okay, that’s all. Byeeee, more Photoshop fails coming soon!
Images: @kimkardashian / Twitter; @kimkardashian / Instagram
Hello! And welcome back to your regularly scheduled Kardashian news breakdown. It’s like The Sup, but about butts and Photoshop, and is far more judgmental. Fun! For those of you who don’t have working eyes and ears and thus haven’t been following along, Khloé Kardashian has had a rough couple of weeks lately with the media. This is in part because we’ve been savagely roasting her ass for the Photoshop abominations she’s been trying to pass off as legitimate Instagram posts and, like, we’re not going to apologize for that. It’s called investigative journalism, sweetie, look it up!! And, look, the articles don’t all come from a bad place here. Khloé’s been my favorite Kardashian ever since Kim and Kris started gracing our screens in their matching Juicy tracksuits with their delusions of grandeur, but MY GOD, Khloé, I can’t see one more lumpy arm or a butt with missing chunks on my IG feed or I’m going to have to start reporting your posts to Instagram HQ for offensive material. Consider this your last warning, Khlo! But Khloé recently just came for all her photoshop haters, and let’s just say it was a petty masterpiece.
The clapback went down in Khloé’s IG comments, because apparently the comments section on Instagram is destined to be our generation’s courtroom. Here’s the sitch: last Friday Khloé posted a selfie to Instagram in which people in the comments section heavily implied that she had tampered with the photo. I’m not sure what gave her away: the millennial pink overlay or the fact that her face in this photo is entirely different than the one she was born with? Khloé wrote “Good vibes only” as her caption, which is pretty much an invitation for people to troll her photo—at least that’s what I tell my sister every time she thinks she can get away with using that caption (it’s for your own good, sis!). Judge the photo for yourself:
Look, I’m no Photoshop expert (you’ll have to slide into Holly Gobetchy’s DMs for that), so I’m not going to blast Khloé for what could be another photoshop fail or just a really good plastic surgeon “filter.” But my feelings are apparently too nice about the matter because fans WENT IN on Khloé for Photoshopping her selfie, to which Khloé responded with more passive aggression than I use to email HR about our lack of a summer Friday policy. Let’s look at the comment, shall we:
Wooowww the kissy face emoji, Khloé? Really? That’s the emoji I usually reserve for commenting on any sorority sister’s IG post thanking people for birthday wishes when I did not in fact wish her a happy birthday, but okay.
Let’s break down the comment real quick, shall we? We have one commenter @missdingledobbs, who thinks that Khloé photoshopped her selfie because in the photo we can’t see the mole that Khloé was born with on her face. We also can’t see the nose, lips, or cheek bones, but sure let’s focus on the mole. We have another commenter, @asmarsmi, defending Khloé by saying: “I have 3 on mine. Ahh the miracles of foundation and laziness of taking it off with a q-tip in those spots.” That’s the comment Khloé responds to with three kissy face emojis, effectively shading her hater and saying without really saying that this photo is the result of a sh*t ton of foundation and not photoshopping. K.
But Khloé’s not done yet! Another commenter said: “your eyes got pulled back too much.” To which Khloé responded with:
“@mari_888_sol so now my eyes are pulled back? Lol oh man… you guys are really reaching. But sure, whatever you want to believe. I’m good with whatever babe much love sent your way.”
Tbh I think Khloé has a fair point here. This photo was clearly not photoshopped so much as it was sculpted by her plastic surgeon in a remote Calabasas location 8-12 months prior. Come on, anyone can see that. Get your facts right, @mari_888_sol!
Well that’s your daily dose of Kardashian news. I’d love to say “that’s all for today” or even “that’s all for this hour” but knowing Kris Jenner and also Khloé’s passion for FaceTune, I’m sure you’ll be hearing from us a lot sooner than that. Until then!
Images: @khloekardashian /Instagram (3)
As much as it physically pains me to admit it (like this is actually giving me heartburn right now), the Kardashians are one of the most famous families in America. Seriously. We have the Trumps and we have the Kardashians, and that about sums up what tourists remember about us. Such a sad little list! But despite the fact that millions of people hate-click on stories about Kim’s ass every day, it seems the Kardashian Klan is having a hard time breaking into, shall we say, high-class culture. Perhaps it’s because they wear neon bike shorts to their local Calabasas coffee shop? Just a guess based on my own personal problems and biases against Kylie Jenner & Co!
I’m presenting this case based on Kylie Jenner’s latest magazine cover for the *iconic* S Moda magazine. That’s right, Forbes’ youngest helped by her family self-made billionaire is officially covering a magazine that you can’t purchase at your local grocery store, based on the fact that it’s in another language, I’m pretty sure they don’t sell it in America. Sorry if you already went to your local newsstand. And this is not the first time Kylie Jenner has posed for a random magazine—in fact, she’s done it quite a few times. So let’s take a look at all the f*cking weird magazines that Kylie has covered, and I hope you’ll enjoy the walk down memory lane to each of Kylie’s former faces as much as I did.
Fault
Kylie covered Fault Magazine in 2015, back when I still was clinging to the small hope that this family would be obliterated in an alien invasion. Please take a close look at the cover, because I shrieked “no!” approximately 11 times and spent two hours with my therapist before I was able to accept the fact that this was what Kylie used to look like.
So we all know that’s not the current iteration of Kylie’s nose, hair, lips, or eyebrows, and there are probably many other tweaks I’m missing that my favorite IG plastic surgery accounts could point out for me.
Has anyone ever heard of Fault Magazine? In 2015 Kylie Jenner wasn’t quite the huge name she is today, but this still seems like an odd, and quite frankly, emo, choice for her. Can those of you that Keep Up please let me know if she was ever emo? Fault is described (by Wikipedia, duh) as a magazine that “collaborates with artists in the fashion, film and music industry. It operates its own non-profit magazine as a platform for identifying young creative people of merit”. CREATIVE YOUNG PEOPLE OF MERIT. So like, someone that’s accused of copying the imagery for her brand, as well as copying the makeup for her brand? That kind of merit?
I’m not sure many people saw this magazine cover anyway. When I did my quick Google search intense and unrelenting research into this magazine, I found a broken link to the media kit. I did, however, find the media kit for what I believe to be a sister magazine, B Beyond, and their total print circulation in North and South America is 7,500. So way less people than saw Kim’s sex tape, that’s for sure.
LOVE
LOVE is a Conde Nast publication that Kylie covered at the end of 2017. In case you were unaware, Conde Nast is so famous, a former employee wrote a revenge fantasy about them called The Devil Wears Prada. I’d call my work revenge fantasy novel And Then I Burned The Place To the Ground, but sure, hers works too. Conde Nast publishes Vogue, Allure, Glamour, W, The New Yorker, Self, and many more magazines you’ve heard of, and, apparently, this rag. According to Wikipedia, LOVE is a bi-annual British style magazine, that once featured Minnie Mouse on the cover. I mean, she is everyone’s favorite female mouse. Well deserved, Minnie!
The circulation of LOVE is around 100,000, so we’re getting slightly closer to the number of people that saw Kim’s sex tape. And Kylie looks a little more like her current self, so two points to LOVE magazine!
AdWeek
AdWeek is a pretty legit publication, but it’s a weird choice. Why is Kylie Jenner covering the second-largest advertising trade publication? Sure, maybe the nerds in their corner office trying to think of a fresh way to market some dumb product want to jerk off to her with their morning coffee, but otherwise what’s the point of this cover?
When Kylie covered AdWeek (circulation 45,000), Kylie Cosmetics had only existed for about a year, and she was only part of the way through the process of becoming a Kim clone. To me, this pairing makes no sense, but I also didn’t spend the time to read the article accompanying this cover because my brain is already too filled up with inane facts about this family, and now there’s no room for me to learn how to do my taxes! I lead a rough life.
Also, please feast your eyes on the outfit they chose for a TRADE PUBLICATION. It’s like no one on Kylie Jenner’s team has ever been to an actual office, so they just assume that all businessmen have the same tastes as Christian Grey.
Jolie
Guys, Jolie is not in English! So even if you wanted to read about how Kylie is “mastering the business world” or “so real” you would need a translator because this whole thing is in German. How many of you Kylie stans out there speak German?
Jolie is a monthly magazine and Wikipedia (it’s fine, I totally donated), only had stats as recently as 2010, when there were 375,000 copies in circulation. Kendall and Kylie covered the magazine together, and they look about as happy to do this cover as I am to be constantly bombarded with pictures of their pubic bones.
To be fair, in the more recent years Kylie Jenner has covered Interview, Glamour, Allure, and GQ and MY GOD can we stop giving this family magazine covers? I really think that the reason Kylie covered all these random magazines is that, despite how famous she and her family are, they aren’t really taken all that seriously by the mainstream media. Tabloids, sure. But I think everyone feels a little bit icky about how they got famous *insert raised hand emoji*, so they’ve been hesitant to embrace them. But like cockroaches after a nuclear disaster, this family stuck around and is slowly making their way onto legit publications. And luckily for Kylie, Kim finally got enough blackmail on Anna Wintour to get herself on the cover of American Vogue. Looks like the sky’s the limit now!
Images: kyliejenner (4); jolie_redaktion / Instagram
