Heads up, ladies, it’s Anna Wintour’s favorite time of the year! Set to take place on Monday, May 6th, the highly-anticipated 2019 Met Gala is fast approaching. This year’s theme is Camp: Notes on Fashion. We’re predicting over-exaggerated styles and over-the-top accessories. Hopefully, Pharell leaves his hat at home.
The Met Gala was established over 50 years ago, so needless to say there have been countless incredible fashion moments since then. Let’s take a walk down memory lane before we see the insane costumes from this year’s event and promptly forget all about the old ones. Read on as we review some of the most iconic Met Gala outfits and explore the designers behind the ~lewks~.
Rihanna and Guo Pei in 2015
Before Rihanna stepped onto the Met Gala red carpet wearing that iconic yellow
omelet cape, Chinese designer Guo Pei had been creating couture for more than 30 years. In fact, this exact masterpiece had been designed for a 2012 show in China and it had been at in Guo’s studio until it was snapped up by Rihanna for the big event.
Weighing about 55lbs with a 16ft train, this look wasn’t an easy one to pull off—literally. In fact, when it was first presented in China, the model made it only halfway down the catwalk before the show had to be paused so she could remove the garment and head backstage. At least it probably counted as her cardio for the week?
Fitting for the China: Through The Looking Glass theme, the fur-trimmed cape featured over 50,000 hours’ worth of hand embroidery and took two whole years to make. Let me repeat. Two. Whole. Years. Describing her inspiration behind the design, Pei said, “When I had this design in mind, I a woman that can carry weight on her arms. It’s a dress she has to lift, like she can lift the whole world. I always have a woman like that in mind.” Sooooo… Rihanna? Rihanna.
Blake Lively and Atelier Versace in 2018
Blake Lively’s dress was so long that she literally had to take a party bus to the 2018 ball. First stop senior prom, next stop Met Gala? Inspired by royalty and the renaissance to match the Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination theme, Lively and her gown captivated audiences. Her long train was carefully embroidered, and her jeweled corset reportedly took 600 hours to create. I did the math, and you could watch all seven seasons of Game of Thrones 12 times in the time it took to make this corset. The look was complete with sheer panels on either side of her legs and a custom halo that featured 100 carats of champagne diamonds.
In case you didn’t know that Blake Lively is better than you, this piece was custom made for her by Atelier Versace. In case you didn’t know that Blake Lively is better than you part two, she wore $2 million worth of Lorraine Schwartz jewelry to complement her look—this included the custom headpiece, bangles, earrings, and her Lorraine Schwartz engagement ring. Schwartz’s pieces are often worn by celebrities on the red carpet, and her jewels have been spotted on people like Beyoncé, Kim Kardashian, and Angelina Jolie. Very casual, no big deal or anything.
Kim Kardashian and Balmain in 2016
Manus X Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology was the theme for the 2016 Met Gala, and Kim Kardashian didn’t disappoint. Kim and Kanye rolled up to the red carpet in coordinating Balmain—Kim in a futuristic silver dress and Kanye sporting a silver jacket, icy blue contact lenses, and ripped jeans. The Balmain pieces were beautiful, but tbh I feel like the boldest fashion move might have been wearing jeans to the Met Gala.
Kim’s garment was created by Olivier Rousteing, a French designer who became the youngest Creative Director of Balmain in 2011 at age 25. Since his takeover, he’s brought a fresh eye (and some insane cheekbones) to the luxury brand.
As anyone who’s seen KUWTK might expect, this look wasn’t the only outfit that was considered. Speaking about the evening before the Gala, Kim said, “When I landed in New York at midnight, I immediately went to see Olivier for a 1am fitting, and we literally cut skirts in half, created tops from dresses, and stayed up until 4am to get the perfect option that we felt fit the theme.” Who knew Kim K was such a DIY queen? I would say that’s relatable, but I can barely turn a regular T-shirt into a crop top without f*cking up. Other potential looks included a gown with jeweled shoulders and sleeves and another that was embellished with pearls and a giant gem in the center of the bodice. In total, Kim received four custom-made dresses from Rousteing before the event.
Rihanna and Comme des Garçons in 2017
Rihanna is the queen of the Met Gala. This is a fact, and anyone who disagrees can fight me. The theme of the 2017 ball was Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garçons, and in true Rihanna fashion (ha), the singer stepped out onto the red carpet in an attention-grabbing piece. She wore a textured garment that was cut from jacquard florals which made her dress three-dimensional. The piece was designed with an asymmetric hemline and cut-outs, and was first featured in the Comme des Garçons Fall 2016 collection.
It reportedly took Rihanna an hour to get into the strappy Dsquared2 red heels she wore to the gala, and I can’t even imagine how long it took to get them off. Her hair was styled into a top bun, and her makeup complemented the pink shades of the dress with rosy eyeshadow and blush that blended together. On anyone else, that makeup would’ve looked like a 5-year-old discovered their mom’s blush and went to town, but it worked on her.
The 2017 gala was quite the tribute to Rei Kawakubo, who rarely agrees to shows or interviews. Goals, pretty much. She established Commes des Garçons in Tokyo in 1973 and has developed the brand into what it is today—an inventive and stand-out establishment.
Stay tuned for a recap of all the iconic looks we’ll see this year! Until then, feel free to look at pictures of old Met Galas and feel poor.
Images: Karwai Tang/Getty Images; Shutterstock (3)
Well folks, we finally made it through Coachella. After two grueling weekends of Instagram models shaking their bare asses in the desert, we can let Coachella slip from our consciousness for 11 months. But before we forget about ‘Chella 2019, there’s one more thing we desperately need to talk about: Kanye West’s Sunday Service. I’m sure you saw it on Instagram, but you probably have a lot of questions about what it actually is, and why every creature of Instagram showed up in their Sunday best to a random field in Palm Springs.
To start, let’s go back to January of this year. After Coachella announced this year’s headliners, the drama began. Reports quickly surfaced that Kanye West was supposed to be this year’s Sunday headliner, but there were last-minute issues. Specifically, he demanded that the festival build him a giant dome for his performance. They told him it wasn’t possible, and the contract negotiations fell apart from there. Luckily, Ariana Grande was available, so she became the headliner instead.
We’ll get back to Coachella in a minute, but now let’s focus on Kanye. Since January, he’s been hosting a weekly Sunday Service, a mysterious gathering where a giant gospel choir sings arrangements of Kanye West songs. It’s still unclear whether there’s a specific religious connotation to the Sunday Service, but it’s definitely meant to promote the image that Kanye is basically the next Jesus. Or the next God? Idk, I haven’t been to church in a long time. Since the Sunday Service started in January, it’s become a big event, and lots of famous people have made appearances. Attendees include Kid Cudi, Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom, Courtney Love, and all the Kardashian-Jenners (of course). Kanye might be crazy, but his Sunday Service is still one of the most exclusive invites in town.
Then, a few weeks ago, it was announced that Kanye was bringing his Sunday Service to Coachella. He didn’t get the dome he was hoping for, but this performance made just as much of a statement. It was Easter Sunday at 9am, and the who’s who of Coachella trekked to a grassy mound, where dozens of singers were in purple robes. Kanye led the choir, and at one point broke down in tears, either because he was so moved by his own work or because it was really f*cking hot out there. We’ll never know. Luckily, Kendall posted this series of videos, which look like footage straight out of Wild Wild Country. Is Kanye…The Bhagwan??
While the actual Sunday Service part is a little too cult-y for me, I loved seeing who showed up, and what kind of lewks they turned out for the Easter to end all Easters. Coming in hot was Kylie Jenner, who rocked a long-ass braid, adorned with seashells and crosses. Because nothing says “He is risen” like clipping some puka shells into your fake hair, and not going to church in favor of getting f*cked up in a field. At least, that’s what I would tell my pastor growing up.
I’m also really enjoying this picture of Kim and Kendall, who look like they went outside to see the solar eclipse, and are thoroughly unimpressed. I’m mostly confused by the bracelets (?) that Kim is wearing, which look more like the weights my pilates instructor yells at me to use. Big ups to Penelope, who is obviously too cool for all of this.
My favorite detail of the whole thing is the merch. Actually, they were calling the merch “Church Clothes,” which is actually incredible. Sweatshirts started at $165, but you could also get socks for $50. A steal of a deal! I mean, I’m just obsessed with “Church Clothes.” It’s so good.
In terms of the music at the Sunday Service, Kanye debuted a new song called “Water,” and guest performers included Kid Cudi, Ty Dolla $ign, and Chance the Rapper, who came out to premiere the song. As much as I’m rolling my eyes at the entire Sunday Service concept, it still sounds like an amazing f*cking concert. Also, people think he might be about to release his new album, YANDHI. Oh yeah, if you didn’t already know, Kanye’s next album is named after Gandhi. He’s always been a humble guy!
It’s unclear what’s coming next for Kanye and the Sunday Service, but I have a feeling we haven’t seen the last of Kanye pretending to be God. I mean, that’s kind of his whole thing at this point.
Images: Getty Images; @kendalljenner, @kyliejenner, @Penelope.scotlanddisick / Instagram
I’m about to blow all your minds—I love Taylor Swift. I know! I’m sorry if you’re one of those people that wish something graphically horrible would happen to her, but I’m a card-carrying member of the Taylor fan club (we don’t really have cards). Maybe it’s because “Tim McGraw” reminds me of a simpler time when my only responsibility was to make sure I ordered enough jalapeño poppers from Campus Corner for all the people crammed into a tiny dorm room. Or perhaps it’s because a guy I used to date told me that “Today was a Fairytale” reminded him of us. Sure, that ended with a $75 dollar red light traffic ticket and some lasting mental health issues, but I should have known better than date someone that lived on Staten Island! So yes, it could be my own nostalgia talking, but it also could be because Taylor is the queen of petty and brings it. Every. Single. Time. Her ability to hold a grudge is only rivaled by my stone-cold Italian grandmother.
Why am I confessing my deepest, darkest secrets you ask? Well, Taylor appears on the cover of Elle’s April issue, and she bribed them was allowed to write her own story titled “30 Things I Learned Before Turning 30.” Perhaps you’ve heard, Taylor was born in 1989. So 30 is upon her. Now, the only thing I learned before turning 30 was that you shouldn’t spend your rent money on wine and pizza, but sure, I’m willing to entertain the idea that a pop superstar with her own jet learned slightly more than a Jersey girl who likes to sh*t talk. And boy, am I glad I did. Because this essay is a master class in shade. These “lessons” are Taylor’s thinly veiled takedowns of her enemies, and I am here for it because that’s basically what I try to do with all my articles too! So, since Tay isn’t naming names, I’m here to break down who she’s not-so-subtly shading in this article. Author note: these are only guesses, please don’t sue me, Taylor!
In lesson sixteen, Taylor says, “Before you jump in headfirst, maybe, I don’t know…get to know someone! All that glitters isn’t gold, and first impressions actually aren’t everything. It’s impressive when someone can charm people instantly and own the room, but what I know now to be more valuable about a person is not their charming routine upon meeting them (I call it a “solid first 15”), but the layers of a person you discover in time.”
This is obviously referencing Taylor’s brief romance with Tom Hiddleston, who she met at the 2016 Met Gala. They had an incredibly cringey dance-off that made me wish the internet was never invented, then he was invited to #Taymerica where he was spotted donning a tank top that said “I Heart TS,” and I was officially dead of embarrassment by the time they broke up in October. It seems Taylor realized that perhaps just because a white dude that went to Cambridge is game to torture us with a dance routine to “Bring ‘Em Out,” does not mean you should go all in on that immediately. Plus, you know who else gave a solid first 15? Ted Bundy. Just saying.
Of all the friends in Taylor Swift’s 1989-era girl squad, Karlie Kloss was queen bee of them all. Taylor and Karlie even posed for a Vogue cover together, with the article titled “On the Road with Best Friends Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss.” If Vogue says you’re best friends, then you just are. And then Karlie just kind of disappeared from Taylor’s life. Psycho fans people even believed they were a couple that had a bad breakup. Seriously. Karlie recently got married, and Taylor wasn’t there. So what happened? I think we have our answer in lesson twenty:
“Learning the difference between lifelong friendships and situationships. Something about “we’re in our young twenties!” hurls people together into groups that can feel like your chosen family. And maybe they will be for the rest of your life. Or maybe they’ll just be your comrades for an important phase, but not forever.”
So clearly they were both really tall, really famous, really blonde girls that were the same age and so they became friends. I can obviously totally relate. And so they just eventually went their separate ways, with Karlie marrying into the Kushner family and Taylor busy tending to her grudges like little pets.
The good old days
If you come at the Queen you best not miss, and I think Taylor misses on this one. In lesson twenty-one she writes:
“Fashion is all about playful experimentation. If you don’t look back at pictures of some of your old looks and cringe, you’re doing it wrong. See: Bleachella.”
I’m so sorry that Anna insisted you make your look a little more edgy to be in her high fashion magazine, Taylor. God forbid you give up the burnt straw hair color you cling to like it’s your first born. Anna was right, and Bleachella was your best look. And I’m not just saying that because I myself spent one glorious year as a platinum blonde. Sure, my hair is falling out now, but that’s beside the point.
Oh, did you think Taylor was going to write an article and not call out public enemy #1? I’m sorry I couldn’t even say that with a straight face. Of course Taylor claims she would like to be excluded from this narrative, but that’s only when other people are talking about it, duh. She says in lesson twenty-seven:
I learned that disarming someone’s petty bullying can be as simple as learning to laugh. In my experience, I’ve come to see that bullies want to be feared and taken seriously. A few years ago, someone started an online hate campaign by calling me a snake on the internet. The fact that so many people jumped on board with it led me to feeling lower than I’ve ever felt in my life, but I can’t tell you how hard I had to keep from laughing every time my 63-foot inflatable cobra named Karyn appeared onstage in front of 60,000 screaming fans. It’s the Stadium Tour equivalent of responding to a troll’s hateful Instagram comment with “lol.”
KARYN!! She named the cobra KARYN! I’d like to know more about this choice. Why Karyn with a y and not an e? What an unconventional spelling. So many unanswered questions, I will be on the edge of my seat studying her secret IG clues until I get an answer for this one. Obviously Taylor is not over the whole Kimye feud, and that’s fine with me. Feuds are to me as unicorn blood is to Voldemort. They give me life. I hope Taylor takes this one to the grave, and that Karyn is etched on her tombstone.
My Cocktail Making Skills
Despite the entire thesis of my article, Taylor does talk about other things in her essay. Here’s lesson nine:
“I learned how to make some easy cocktails like Pimm’s cups, Aperol spritzes, Old-Fashioneds, and Mojitos because…2016.”
Lol, wait. I take it back, that’s some more shade at Kimye. If you’ll recall, 2016 was the year that the feud of all feuds went down, and Taylor clearly still hasn’t gotten over it. Anyways, in this lesson she’s also coming for my cocktail making skills. Who the f*ck knows how to make an Old-Fashioned? I’m still mastering the vodka soda. Except I don’t have club soda. Or ice. If you come to my apartment, you get a lukewarm vodka and you WILL LIKE IT.
And that’s all! Did I miss any other shade Taylor was throwing? Let me know!
Images: Giphy (1); hiddlove,karliekloss,voguemagazine/Instagram
It’s been several years since Instagram first became a big thing, and it’s come a long way. From posting grainy, badly filtered photos of food in 2012, most of us have learned how to tastefully edit our photos and craft the perfect ~aesthetic~. Kanye West, on the other hand, has only been posting on Instagram for approximately two weeks, and boy is it a mess. He’s posted 134 times since September 11, which is in clear violation of the one post a day rule. Let’s attempt to examine some of the most concerning posts on Kanye’s Instagram, even though his mind is a mystery that will never be solved.
Dancing With the Stars who?? Okay, while I am incredibly impressed with these children’s ballroom dance skills, I am utterly confused. Why is Kanye posting these random children on his Insta? He was in Colombia around this time, so maybe he saw these kids while he was there? Either way, I definitely need to practice these moves for this weekend.
After his Trump rants a few months ago, Kanye seems to have transitioned into a more peaceful time in his life. His upcoming album is titled YANDHI, which is kind of a major yikes, but I’d rather he idolize Gandhi than Cheeto Man. Kanye has been hard at work as evidenced by his, um, checklist above. The first two steps seem easy enough, but around step three, Kanye started to lose me. I hope willing universal power is going well for him, because I’m still working on getting out of bed more than 10 minutes before I need to leave for work.
I love art. Don’t you love art? In lieu of examining the meaning of this painting (is it a Picasso? I think it’s a Picasso), let’s let Kanye’s next post speak for itself.
Oh right, Kanye is now leading the crusade against visible metrics on social media. There’s nothing like someone with millions of followers complaining about how everyone can see his follower count. Kim Kardashian West commented “BIG FACTS” on this one, which is pretty hilarious considering how much money she’s made off of sponsored posts for Flat Tummy Tea alone. Hey Kim, you think these companies would pay you if you weren’t getting a sh*tload of likes? I can tell you from personal experience and my 800 Instagram followers that, no, it would not happen.
Kanye also had his long list of tech leaders he wanted to talk to (on live stream for whatever reason), and he’s since posted screenshots of conversations with multiple guys from this list. I’m glad Kanye is getting to have his important conversations, but personally I really don’t need them live-streamed. Like, how are you gonna lead a crusade against social media… on social media? Famous people are insane.
I’m just gonna let this final masterpiece speak for itself, since I can’t even pretend to have any clue what’s going on here. When Kanye West was having his meltdowns on Twitter, at least his posts were (mostly) in the form of legible words. This is like trying to decipher a cave painting, but if the cavemen were narcissists hopped up on amphetamines. I bet Kanye will delete his Instagram in about three days, but not before he’s thoroughly confused all of us.
Images: kanyewest / Instagram
Welcome back to another installation of songs I think you should listen to because I personally like them a lot. This week we’ve got a lot of new music from some big artists, like Travis Scott and Miguel. We’ve also got some lesser-known players with new songs. So take a listen and let me know what you think in the comments. And, in a BRAND-NEW addition, you can follow us on Spotify! Check out the “New Music” playlist for all the songs that have been in my roundups, conveniently located for you in one place. Listen here and follow us, duh.
“SLAY” by YG feat. Quavo
Off YG’s new album, STAY DANGEROUS, “SLAY” is a surprising slow jam that still f*ckin bangs. Any song with Quavo on it in 2018 is a bonafide hit, and we got DJ Mustard on the beat with this one too, so it can’t really get that much better than that. I can promise you with every fiber of my being that this song is going to be everywhere in the club and you’ll be screaming with your friends when Quavo croons, “One time if you a bad b*tch… all you wanna do is just slay”. I also just inspired your next 5 IG thirst trap captions; you’re welcome.
“No Smoke” by Leavemealone
Leavemealone has been compared to the likes of the late XXXTentacion, and I’m going to take that comparison in a vacuum and assume they mean strictly musically, and without any of the other domestic abuse issues. So if we ARE to take this at face-value, it means that Leavemealone is a gifted and versatile artist. Listening to “No Smoke”, his newest single, I get it. The song goes hard. I see this being a big hit among suburban white teens in the very near future.
“Watch” by Travis Scott feat. Lil Uzi Vert & Kanye West
Travis Scott. Uzi. Kanye. I’m sure you’ve all heard the song by now, but that doesn’t make it any less new, and it doesn’t make it any less of a bop. As far as Travis Scott songs go, this is exactly what you’d expect. It’s heavy on drums and autotune. It’s got a consistent melody throughout. It’s not my favorite Travis Scott song, not his worst one, either. It’s solidly solid.
“Python” by Miguel
God is good. New Travis Scott AND Miguel this week? I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve such good music karma, but I’m not complaining. This is a pretty classic Miguel song that I can best describe as very groovy. I would say this song, more so than his others, is a lot looser and more flowing. Lyrics just kind of seem to cruise in and out when Miguel pleases. There’s not necessarily that one hook to bring you back to focus. And you know what? I like it.
“Never Call Me ” by Jhené Aiko feat. YG
Jhené Aiko is one of those people who’s not as famous as she should be, in my opinion. She’s so talented, and all her songs are such a vibe. “Never Call Me” is basically about what you’d expect—a f*ckboy who won’t call you back. Girl, it’s because you’re too good for him! Anyway, this remix features a guest verse from YG, which takes this song from your “In My Feelings” playlist to your “Chilling” playlist.
“Witching Hour” by Rezz
Can I be honest with you guys? I think I can. We’ve built up enough rapport over the last however many weeks I’ve been doing this, right? Ok. Here goes. Personally, Rezz’s music isn’t my cup of tea, but I think she’s a badass female and I want to give her a little recognition, She just released her album Certain Kind of Magic today, and if you’re into dark, vampy electronic music without words, you’ll like it and one of her songs off the album called “Witching Hour”. If that’s not your thing, this song might not be your favorite. But either way, Rezz is an awesome female solo EDM act, which is p rare, and that alone gets my support.
Celebrities…they really aren’t just like us. “Oh, I have perfect skin from drinking lots of water and wearing sunscreen.” Bullshit. You get facials worth thousands of dollars and cake on La Mer. “I lost the baby weight because chasing my kids is a workout class on its own!” Oh please, you did two-a-day sessions with Kirk Myers or Gunnar Peterson and may or may not have had some lipo. But one thing that does humanize celebrities a little more? The embarrassing drunken celebrity hookups that they’d probably love to forget. And obviously, we’d love to remind them because sometimes those who have stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame should be knocked down a few pegs by doing a walk of shame.
Mary-Kate Olsen and Kanye West
Ever since Mary-Kate’s relationship with Stavros Niarchos ended and Ashley and her college sweetheart broke up, the Olsen twins seem to have a type: much older rich dudes that are….well….ugly hot would be sugarcoating it, right? Kanye West’s type, on the other hand, is a lot more bootylicious. So Mary-Kate and Kanye must have been super drunk when, reportedly, they made out at Kanye’s birthday party over a decade ago, because they could not be more the opposite of each other’s types. Let’s hope that drunken makeout didn’t lead them to the bedroom, because Kanye seems like the kind of guy who says his own name during sex. But at least we now know why Kanye rapped, “Prince William ain’t doing it right if you ask me. If I was him, I would have married Kate and Ashley.”
Paris Hilton and Jared Leto
Jared Leto seems like that guy who takes himself so seriously that he explains the *profound* meaning behind his tattoos even though you didn’t even ask. He seems like that kind of guy who will whip out an acoustic guitar at the most random of moments in group settings and start playing songs he wrote, coercing people into giving him halfhearted approval for his shitty lyrics. He’s that guy that closes his eyes and nods his head solemnly after he gives you unsolicited advice that is really just quotes he saw on Instagram. In other words? He has the charisma of a creepy cult leader, whereas Paris is so much like a Barbie doll come to life that she puts Tyra Banks in Life-Size to shame. So it makes zero sense that these two drunkenly made out at Sundance a decade ago. The only thing I can think of that these two have in common is that they were bonding over how they have the same hair colorist or facialist since they both clearly put in a lot of effort into their appearances. Hey Jared, I get my hair colored at IGK too. Does that mean I can drunkenly make out with you?
Selena Gomez and Orlando Bloom
The best kind of hookup is the revenge hookup. Okay, it’s not exactly healthy for the people involved, but that’s between them and their respective shrinks. From a gossip standpoint, though? It’s 24k gold. Miranda Kerr reportedly cheated on husband Orlando Bloom with Justin Bieber a while back. And that is just so…ew. Really? Sweetie, you’re more than a decade older than him and you’re married to one of the hottest B-list actors on the planet. I guess it’s true that when people cheat, they cheat down. Selena Gomez is no stranger to getting screwed over by Justin either, and she and Orlando must have bonded over that while partying at a Las Vegas nightclub, because what else would a Disney Channel star have to talk about with a man who’s 16 years older than her? They were photographed getting very touchy-feely with each other, and we all know there’s no such thing as a sober Las Vegas hookup, right?
Scarlett Johansson and Benicio del Toro
Scarlett Johansson is one of the most beautiful women in the world, and Benicio del Toro…has his angles where he looks kinda good. Everyone knows that, besides the Golden Globes, the Oscars are the drunkest night of the year in Hollywood. So of course, that leads to drunken hookups. Back in 2004, Scarlett and Benicio reportedly had a drunken hookup in the elevator at the Chateau Marmont. Neither of them has confirmed it, but neither of them has denied it either. We’ll have to add elevator sex to our bucket list, because a quickie like that sounds kinda hot.
Scott Disick and Bella Thorne
Scott Disick is pretty much always drunk, so that means every hookup with Scott Disick is most likely a drunken hookup. But still, how random is it that he hooked up with Bella Thorne? Scott Disick and Bella Thorne had a drunken tryst at Cannes last year. It was pretty obvious from the paparazzi photos that they were all over each other and #whitegirlwasted. Bella denied hooking up with Scott, but we all know that based on the photographic evidence, that’s probably not true. Why else would you be holding hands outside of 1OAK, the club where celebrities and desperate basic bitches go just so they can be seen? We can’t believe we’re saying this, but this hookup makes us actually like Sofia and Scott together.
Liam Hemsworth and January Jones
Remember when Hollywood’s golden couple, Liam and Miley, first broke up? We try to forget because they’re so perfect for each other. But this was at the beginning of Miley’s wild stage—you know, when she would dry hump teddy bears on stage, barely wore any clothes, and would not keep her tongue inside her mouth? Towards the end of their relationship, Liam couldn’t keep his tongue inside his mouth either because he was busy at a Chateau Marmont party locking lips with January Jones. The party was sponsored by Grey Goose, so you know these two were definitely wasted. They were photographed leaving together, and that’s when the news broke that Miley and Liam were over. We’re glad she forgave him for cheating with January and we’re glad he forgave her for Miley Cyrus & Her Dead Petz.
Images: Giphy (3)
Would you be surprised to hear that Kim Kardashian is going to the White House? No? That actually sounds about right given the reality-tv-political-crossover hell we’ve been living this past two years? Cool. Well, she is. And it’s actually for a good cause. Kim is working with none other than dynamic duo/white collar Bonnie and Clyde Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump to secure a pardon for Alice Marie Johnson, a woman currently serving a life sentence for a non-violent drug offense.
So yeah, while Kim’s husband spends his days googling “was Lincoln Republican?” from the sunken place’s only laptop, our girl Kim is out here taking on the prison industrial complex, trying to help unfairly imprisoned POC be released from jail. And let’s not forget Kourtney’s advocacy for makeup reform last week. Is this the future of America?
I went to Capitol Hill with @environmentalworkinggroup yesterday to advocate for safer personal care products because everyone, including children deserve to be protected from chemicals in their products we know cause harm. It’s time for Congress to do its job. Stand with me and take action today. #BeautyMadeBetter
According to Mic, Kim has been working for months with Jarvanka on securing Johnson’s freedom, and her file is now on President Trump’s desk for review. So is this what we have to do to get the president’s attention? Send in other reality stars? Maybe we send in someone whose rep was so damaged on their season that they need to do a good deed to save themselves? Arie Luyendyk Jr. I’m looking at you.
Johnson was sentenced to live in prison without parole in 1997 on money laundering and drug conspiracy charges. These crimes were her first offense, and her case gained notoriety last year when Kim K tweeted about it with the unforgettably powerful words, “this is so unfair…”
This is so unfair… https://t.co/W3lPINbQuy
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) October 26, 2017
TBH, I’m already looking forward to the KUWTK episode where Kim accepts her Nobel Peace Prize for getting Kim Jong Un to agree to “be chill.” They’ll call it the Kim-To-Kim summit, and the outfits will be amazing.
You read that headline correctly. Just fuck me up right now, fam. We’ve kind of known this for a while now, but it’s now been officially confirmed by Kim Kardashian herself that she and Kanye are expecting a third child via a surrogate. This news comes in the midst of rumors about Kylie’s pregnancy, Khloé’s pregnancy, reports of Rob’s lawsuit with Blac Chyna….have I missed anything? Kendall, are you pregnant? Kris, Caitlyn, do you have anything you’d like to share with the group? No? You sure? Okay. Let’s move on.
In a new teaser for Keeping Up With The Kardashians season 14,—which premieres this Sunday, btw #notanad—Kim can be seen FaceTiming with Khloé to tell her that her surrogate is pregnant. Kim shared the clip on her Twitter, and I’ve generously provided an embedded version of that same tweet below. Some day in the future, they will build monuments to my generosity and kindness.
Season 14 is gonna be wild. Tune in this Sunday!!! #KUWTK pic.twitter.com/rnpIdGiNyK
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) September 28, 2017
So, this all sheds a new light on the Kylie and Khloé rumors. I hate to say it, but I’m starting to come around. I mean, I never really doubted that Khloé coule be pregnant—she’s supposedly been trying for like, 10,000 years to have a baby. But Kylie? She just beat the odds of becoming a teen mom like, what, two months ago? I just didn’t want to believe it, but now, given that there were reports swirling for a long-ass time that Kim was pregnant via surrogate, she kind of tried to downplay them without outright denying them, and now, months later, she’s confirming it? This is exactly like how the Khloé/Kylie pregnancy reports originated. Fuck, you guys. I just don’t want to live in a world with Kylie’s spawn just yet. I thought I had a good five peaceful years ahead of me.
Then again, it’s extremely possible and just as equally likely that the Kylie/Khloé pregnancy rumors are patently false and were purposefully leaked the week before the KUWTK season premiere because they knew nobody would watch this godforsaken show otherwise. With Kris Jenner, all things are possible. Does that make Kris Jenner God? Honestly, I think so.