All The Clues Justin Bieber Is About To Release New Music

Last week, we spent a lot of time talking about Selena Gomez. After a lengthy break from music, she released two new songs, and there was a lot to talk about. Both of the singles are definitely about Justin Bieber, and Hailey and Selena made some shady social media posts that definitely seemed like they were directed at each other. But now that the dust has settled around Selena’s big comeback, it’s Justin Bieber’s turn to cough up some new music. He’s definitely been working on something recently, and this week, he’s started posting clues on his Instagram.

Last night, I opened up Instagram, prepared to scroll through about 100 Halloween costumes and probably a few pumpkin patch pictures. While there were plenty of Halloween costumes on my feed, I stopped scrolling when I saw this post from Justin Bieber, which I didn’t even think was real at first.

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Share it, like it, post in your story, I gotta see the demand 😉 love you guys pumped for it! I’m almost done but your support will make me move faster

A post shared by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on

So after I realized that this is, in fact, a real post from Justin Bieber’s real account, I was still just as confused. Is…is Justin Bieber bribing us? Is this some elaborate scheme to tease us about his new album? Why the f*ck did he post this atrocious Insta story screenshot with a fuchsia background? Is he this desperate for likes? Does he realize that social media likes shouldn’t be the basis for your self-esteem? Is Justin okay??

Obviously, I had many questions, and I still do. But his caption at least helped clear it up a little bit. Justin says that he’s “almost Donne, but your support will make men one faster.” So he’s not like, holding a finished album hostage until we like the photo, but he’s basically saying that he needs Instagram likes as motivation to get sh*t done. Should I try this? Hey @ my boss, I’m not gonna finish this article until my latest Instagram post gets 50,000 likes.

Wait for it…

Okay, I’m back. Sadly I did not get 50,000 likes, but I was informed that this isn’t how an actual job works. Seems unfair, but I have to pay rent this week, so here we are. Justin’s plea for likes might feel kind of desperate and thirsty, but he’s also posted some other stuff that seems to be more subtly alluding to new music.

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…………….🎥👀🎶

A post shared by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on

Also on Sunday night, Justin posted another ugly-ass Insta story screenshot that just says “R&BIEBER.” This is most likely a hint about the direction that his new music will take, and at this point, I’m ready for anything that he decides to throw our way. While I love his pop and EDM stuff (“Sorry” still slaps), his more chilled out music is also great. His Journals project from 2013 is pretty much completely R&B, and I personally think it’s his most underrated music. If we’re entering a new ~R&BIEBER~ era, I’m all for it.

While these two posts are pretty explicitly about new music, the next two are much more cryptic. In the past few days, Justin has posted two different photos of doodles of the word “yummy” in big bubble letters, and people have started speculating that this also has something to do with whatever he’s about to release.

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Any night any day, say the word on my way.

A post shared by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on

While the actual photos really aren’t anything special, Justin Bieber clearly has “yummy” on the brain these days. It has to mean something!! Also, both of these posts have captions that definitely sound like they could be song lyrics. I can’t wait to hear Justin sing the words “Bonafide stallion,” because I’m going crazy imagining what these songs will sound like.

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Bonafide stallion, ain’t in no Stable no you stay on the run.

A post shared by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on

Of course, there’s also a chance that Justin could just be doodling about nothing, and the captions are just random words in his brain. I remember in third grade how I would get one random word in my mind and just draw it like 500 times, and sometimes I think Justin Bieber has the brain of a third grader. Sorry, that was mean.

Whether “yummy” means anything or not, it finally seems like Justin Bieber is getting serious about releasing new music, which is great, because I can only listen to Purpose so many times. Just kidding, there is no limit to the amount of times I can listen to Purpose. That was stupid of me to even say. Regardless, I’m hoping that Christmas will come early in the form of a J-Biebs album, so everyone please go like that photo. Right now, Justin only has 7.2 million likes, so I’m starting to get nervous.

Images: Shutterstock; justinbieber (4) / Instagram

Selena Gomez & Hailey Bieber Are Shading Each Other On IG

Last night, I eagerly stayed up til midnight, like a kid on Christmas Eve hoping to catch a glimpse of Santa. But I wasn’t waiting for Santa, no, it was something even better: the long-awaited return of Selena Gomez. She hasn’t released an album since 2015, only a few one-off singles, none of which have really tackled her personal life. Since announcing her new song “Lose You To Love Me” last week, Selena has recently teased the drop with black and white photos and childhood pics, all with angsty captions about giving your all and being let down. In particular, the childhood photos feel pretty dark, and I was starting to wonder if Selena is like, okay?

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You promised the world.

A post shared by Selena Gomez (@selenagomez) on

Obviously, we all assumed the song was about Justin Bieber, and I was ready to write an article breaking down the most emo lyrics. Well, the song is definitely about Justin, and it has plenty of emo lyrics, like “rose-colored glasses all distorted,” but somehow, that’s not even the most interesting thing that’s happening here. The song is actually pretty good, but the real story here is Hailey Bieber vs. Selena Gomez, because the girls have officially gone wild.

The whole world knew that Selena’s song was coming out last night, and Hailey and Justin don’t live under a rock. They probably knew the song was coming out even before it was announced, and just from the title, I’m sure Justin knew it was going to be about him. I mean, it really didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. While Justin has kept quiet around the release of the song, Hailey posted an Instagram story less than an hour before the song’s release last night, and it’s hard not to draw a connection.

As you can see, Hailey just happened to be listening to “I’ll Kill You” by Summer Walker. Hmmm. It’s nothing unusual to post a screenshot of a song to Instagram, but the exact song and timing doesn’t feel like an accident. I love Summer Walker too, but I wouldn’t just accidentally post a song called “I’ll Kill You” to my Insta story 30 minutes before my husband’s ex released a song about him. I don’t know if Hailey is the smartest person in the world, but I don’t think she’s that clueless.

Given that the song came out in the middle of the night, I kind of assumed that would be the end of it for the day, but Selena Gomez wasn’t done. I guess it was only 9pm in LA when the song came out, so there was still ample time for shade. Over an hour after the song dropped, Selena hopped on Twitter and Instagram with a Notes app message (my favorite form of communication) that’s mostly about God but also definitely about Hailey.

To be honest, my eyes kind of glazed over during the parts about falling in love with Him and needing His love and falling to her knees—I’m happy she’s spiritually fulfilled, but the God talk isn’t my thing. But I perked back up just in time for the end of the note, which almost made me fall out of my f*cking chair.

“See the enemy keeps trying to tear me down and it’s just not gonna happen. Not today. Not the next..”

Ohhhhh my goodness. (I tried really hard not to take the Lord’s name in vain there.) I need a detailed description of exactly who Selena Gomez considers to be “the enemy” ASAP, but I have a few theories (that, again, are not rocket science). She could be straight-up referring to the devil, which would make sense with the Jesus-y vibes, but I have a feeling she’s either talking about the world in general and her “haters,” or more specifically to Justin and Hailey. THE ENEMY.

In her new song, one particularly telling lyric is “in two months, you replaced us like it was easy.” Now, some of the specific dates are a little fuzzy, but this part is crystal clear. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez broke up for the last time in March 2018, and Justin and Hailey were seen hanging out together in—you guessed it—MAY 2018. TWO F*CKING MONTHS. Aside from the general sad tone of the song, this specific lyric suggests that Selena has still not forgiven Justin, and that she sees Hailey as the one who swooped in and took her man.

Selena Gomez is famously private, and I have a feeling she’s never going to talk about this publicly, so this Notes app message about Jesus is probably the closest we’re going to get to her throwing shade. I’ll take it. Really, I hope that Justin takes this as the perfect opportunity to drop his big comeback single, which will probably not be about Selena, but I want it anyway. Hailey, I could really give or take in this situation, but I will obviously analyze any future shady Instagram stories she posts.

Why do I care so much about these people? I won’t ever truly know, but damn, I care so much. Now, I’m going to go listen to “Lose You To Love Me” for any clues I missed the first 50 times, so please excuse me.

Images: Shutterstock.com; selenagomez (2), haileybieber / Instagram

Hailey & Justin Bieber’s Wedding Is Already Causing Drama

This weekend, Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin will finally have their wedding, just about a year after actually getting married. I’m not sure why they chose to do things in this order, but to each their own. Justin and Hailey are having their wedding in South Carolina, which sounds kind of random, but trust me, it’s plenty nice.

The big occasion is taking place at the Montage Palmetto Bluff resort, which basically looks like a southern palace. I’m talking wrap-around porches. I’m talking steeples. I’m talking sprawling, manicured lawns and giant oak trees. I’m not sure about Justin and Hailey’s personal connection to South Carolina, but the hotel looks lovely. The thing is, the other guests at the hotel aren’t so happy about the Justin Bieber circus that’s rolling into town.

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Saturdays are better spent poolside during #SummerAtTheBluff 💧☀️ 📸: @laura_lily

A post shared by Montage Palmetto Bluff (@montagepalmettobluff) on

According to an email obtained by TMZ, all the guests at the hotel were recently notified that much of the property will be off-limits to them this weekend. This includes the pool, spa, and one of the restaurants on the property. These areas will be closed for 48 hours from Sunday to Tuesday, because the wedding is apparently happening on Monday. Justin and Hailey probably got a better deal that way!

Naturally, some of the hotel guests are um, not happy about the way this was handled. While the hotel is apparently offering partial refunds and a free meal for the inconvenience, this isn’t really the kind of thing you should wait to tell people until three days before. I’d bet that most of these people would have chosen to just stay somewhere else if they had known. Obviously, no one is dying here, but it still seems pretty sh*tty.

Also? I’m actually not sure why Justin Bieber wouldn’t just rent out the whole property for this weekend. Yeah, that probably costs like, a million dollars or something (I’m a financial planner, if you couldn’t tell), but according to a quick Google search, his net worth is over $200 million, so it’s not like he doesn’t have the money. And that way, he wouldn’t have to deal with randos and paparazzi photographers trying to get photos from across the golf course. Really, it would’ve been a win-win.

The big day is on Monday, and obviously we’ll be eagerly awaiting photos from the closed-down hotel pool (will Selena Gomez be in attendance??), but in the meantime, Hailey had a bachelorette party with friends on Wednesday night. Here’s a video of her with a penis water bottle, in case that’s something you’ve been dying to see:

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Ok guys so forreal how are we gonna crash the wedding? I say we disguise ourselves as celebs. lmao #haileybaldwin #haileybieber

A post shared by sophiefnolanc (@sophiefnolanc) on

I don’t know where they are that has those sh*tty cream-colored curtains, but Hailey looks happy about it. This wedding is basically all she’s ever wanted, and you know what? I’m really happy for her and Justin. Honestly, I bet she’ll be pregnant literally any day after the wedding, because I get big stay-at-home-mom vibes from her already. Maybe then Justin Bieber will finally give us a new album? We can only hope.

Images: montagepalmettobluff, sophienolanc / Instagram

Where Are Justin And Selena’s New Albums? An Investigation

Even though Justin Bieber is now happily married to Hailey Baldwin, we’ll never really forget his relationship with Selena Gomez. They were young Hollywood’s most iconic couple for a long time, and deep down, I still feel like a piece of #Jelena will never die. My therapist tells me I need to work on letting go of things, but I feel like this doesn’t count.

After initially getting together in 2010, Justin and Selena were together until 2012 before breaking up the first time. Then, they went through a few years of total relationship whiplash, getting back together in 2013, 2014, and 2015. Despite getting back together for a few months at the end of 2017, 2015 was the last time they were together like, for real. While all of that is definitely confusing, 2015 is important, because it also happens to be the last time Selena or Justin released an album.

Coincidence? I think not.

2015 was an amazing year in both Justin and Selena’s career, with multiple hits from each of their albums. Justin Bieber topped the charts with “What Do You Mean?,” “Sorry,” and “Love Yourself,” and Selena Gomez moved to a new point of maturity in her music with songs like “Same Old Love” and “Hands To Myself.” Seriously, 2015 was a year of nonstop bops from both of them, and I miss it. It’s four years later, and we’re still waiting for followup projects from both Justin and Selena, so where are the albums? Let’s examine the facts.

After releasing Purpose, Justin Bieber went on a world tour for over a year, playing 162 shows on six continents. (Sorry Antarctica, no J-Biebs concert for you.) Then, in July 2017, Justin announced that he was canceling the remaining 14 dates of the tour, citing his depression and exhaustion as the reason, and saying that he wanted his “heart, mind, and soul to be sustainable.” Justin received a lot of criticism for the decision at the time, but we have no way of knowing what his mental state at the time was really like.

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A post shared by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on

After this announcement, it makes sense that Justin wasn’t immediately back in the studio grinding out a new album. But that was two years ago. In 2017, he was featured on a few songs from other artists (“Despacito,” “I’m The One”), but there was no word on new solo music. When “Despacito” was nominated for Grammys in 2018, Justin skipped the show, saying that he wouldn’t be making any award show appearances until his next album was finished.

Fast forward to March of this year, when Justin posted a lengthy message on his Instagram responding to questions about a new album. He brought up how he had been working and touring since he was a teenager, and said that he was “now very focused on repairing some of the deep rooted issues” that he struggles with personally. He also mentioned wanting to be a good father, which naturally raised a lot of questions about a potential pregnancy. It’s four months later, and Hailey still looks tiny af, so it looks like we’re not getting a baby or an album any time soon.

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So I read a lot of messages saying you want an album .. I’ve toured my whole teenage life, and early 20s, I realized and as you guys probably saw I was unhappy last tour and I don’t deserve that and you don’t deserve that, you pay money to come and have a lively energetic fun light concert and I was unable emotionally to give you that near the end of the tour. I have been looking, seeking, trial and error as most of us do, I am now very focused on repairing some of the deep rooted issues that I have as most of us have, so that I don’t fall apart, so that I can sustain my marriage and be the father I want to be. Music is very important to me but Nothing comes before my family and my health. I will come with a kick ass album ASAP, my swag is undeniable and my drive is indescribable his love is supernatural his grace is that reliable…. the top is where I reside period whether I make music or not the king said so. ? but I will come with a vengeance believe that.. (grammar and punctuation will be terrible pretend it’s a text where u just don’t care).

A post shared by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on

But then, just a month after posting this, Justin threw us all back into confusion when he made an appearance during Ariana Grande’s set at Coachella. After thanking the crowd and reminding them that he hadn’t been on stage in almost two years, he left off with a cryptic “album coming soon.” Justin, WHEN IS SOON? In the past few months, Justin has released high-profile collaborations with Ed Sheeran and Billie Eilish, but we’ve still yet to see a hint of his own new music.

Now back to Selena.

Like I said before, Selena’s last album, Revival, came out in 2015, and much like Justin, we’ve only gotten some random singles since then. She’s gone through her fair share of personal health and emotional struggles in the past few years, so it makes sense that she’s needed some time out of the spotlight. Key word: “some.”

Selena also canceled the end of her last tour in 2016, citing anxiety, panic attacks, and depression as a result of her lupus. After disappearing for a while, it really seemed like she was planning something major in 2017. After releasing “It Ain’t Me” with Kygo, she dropped her own singles “Bad Liar” and “Fetish” in the summer of 2017. This seemed like a natural promotion cycle leading up to an album, but then everything went quiet from the Selena camp. She released “Wolves” with Marshmello that October, and said that an album would be coming soon, but apparently that was a lie.

apparently Selena Gomez and my boss have different definitions of “soon” pic.twitter.com/KaSV0fxmzX

— Dylan Hafer (@50shadesofbetch) April 17, 2019

Rough, but honestly I have stuff that’s been on my to-do list since 2017. It happens to the best of us. Selena has seemed pretty unfocused on music since 2017, only putting out half-assed collabs, mostly with Spanish artists (“Taki Taki” is the best song ever released, don’t @ me), but now it seems like there might finally be an album at the end of the tunnel. On Jimmy Fallon’s show last month, she said that her album is basically done, and just needs a few finishing touches.

This is exciting news to hear from Selena, but honestly, I’ve been burned before. I’ll believe an album is coming when there’s some kind of official announcement, but she basically said the same exact thing two years ago. It definitely seems like there’s potential for both Justin and Selena to put out albums still in 2019, but I’m not holding my breath. Both Justin and Selena have gone through personal struggles since 2015 (including approximately four breakups with each other), but they have to release albums sooner or later, right? Right??!

For now, I guess we’ll have to be okay with their vague “soon” statements, because I really don’t control when they decide to release new music. I’m doing my best to be patient, but Hailey Bieber, if you’re reading this, tell Justin to get his ass to the studio please! And bring Rihanna too while you’re at it.

Images: justinbieber (2) / Instagram; 50shadesofbetch / Twitter; The Tonight Show / YouTube

Wait, Did Justin Bieber Just Admit He’s Going To Be A Father?!

Today, I’m going to talk about something that I don’t bring up very often: I love Justin Bieber. He’s hot AF, he gives no f*cks, and let’s face it: he makes bangers. Am I the only one who still bumps “Sorry” on a very regular basis? It’s just like, a perfect pop song. Unfortunately for me (and all the 16-year-old girls out there), Justin hasn’t been making bangers lately. His last album came out in November of 2015, which, according to my calculations, is way too long ago. Justin’s fans have become impatient, constantly harassing him on social media about when we can expect new music.

Justin has obviously seen thecomments and tweets begging him for an album, and yesterday he addressed his fans in a long Instagram caption. I would complain about the medium he used, but at least it’s not a Notes app screenshot. Anyway, Justin says that “you guys probably saw I was unhappy last tour,” and explains that neither he nor the fans deserve that version of him. Honestly, that’s true—if I wanted to pay like, $100 to watch someone mope around on stage, I’d go see The Smiths. Justin also says that he toured throughout his teenage years and early 20s, and he just needs a break. All of this makes sense, and I’m willing to wait another year if Justin Bieber really needs it. But the next part of the caption was what really caught my attention.

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So I read a lot of messages saying you want an album .. I’ve toured my whole teenage life, and early 20s, I realized and as you guys probably saw I was unhappy last tour and I don’t deserve that and you don’t deserve that, you pay money to come and have a lively energetic fun light concert and I was unable emotionally to give you that near the end of the tour. I have been looking, seeking, trial and error as most of us do, I am now very focused on repairing some of the deep rooted issues that I have as most of us have, so that I don’t fall apart, so that I can sustain my marriage and be the father I want to be. Music is very important to me but Nothing comes before my family and my health. I will come with a kick ass album ASAP, my swag is undeniable and my drive is indescribable his love is supernatural his grace is that reliable…. the top is where I reside period whether I make music or not the king said so. ? but I will come with a vengeance believe that.. (grammar and punctuation will be terrible pretend it’s a text where u just don’t care).

A post shared by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on

“I am now very focused on repairing some of the deep rooted issues that I have as most of us have, so that I don’t fall apart, so that I can sustain my marriage and be the father I want to be.” EXCUSE ME? FATHER?!?!! What child does he speak of?? Hailey and Justin have been open about issues they’ve had in their relationship (prob because they got married after like, a month of dating), and I respect them for that, but why would he say something about being a father?? Is there a baby on the way? I need answers!!!

While I sit here trying to figure out what this all means, Hailey seems like she’s fully on board with whatever Justin Bieber is talking about. Here’s what she commented on Justin’s photo:

Okay, so she’s being a supportive wife, which is nice to see, but I don’t really see any clues here about a potential pregnancy situation. Sad! Hailey, I really expected you to be a little more helpful here. Luckily, we have access to a very clear, recent photo of Hailey’s stomach, because Justin posted this photo of her in bed last night on his Instagram Story:

Okay, so she obviously isn’t like, nine months pregnant or anything, but I’m not going to try to speculate based on this photo. I mean, Kylie Jenner kept her pregnancy (sort of) secret for nine months, so truly anything is possible in this day and age. So at this point, I am going to exercise my right to remain silent. What I can comment on, however, is that awful necklace. I sincerely hope that those are not real diamonds. Money doesn’t buy you taste! Additionally, the “that’s my toe” caption is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while (it’s been a week), and instantly reminded me of this:

For the reasons laid out above, I will refrain from commenting on Justin Bieber’s toe. But back to the baby!

I went to Twitter to see if there were any more clues about a Bieber baby on the way, but these two are utterly unhelpful. Justin hasn’t tweeted since his birthday on March 1, and Hailey basically only tweets about the gameshow Drop The Mic, which she hosts. Speaking of Twitter, I’m really feeling like a psychic, because I tweeted this less than 24 hours before Justin Bieber posted his message:

not to be dramatic but I would chop off my arm for some new Justin Bieber music

— Betches (@betchesluvthis) March 24, 2019

Wow, I can’t believe that Justin saw my tweet and felt so strongly that he had to respond with a public Instagram caption. I am truly soooo powerful. Going back to Justin’s Instagram caption, my favorite part was really the very end, after he got done talking about God: “(grammar and punctuation will be terrible pretend it’s a text where u just don’t care.)” This is like the Instagram equivalent of having your email signature be “sent from my iPhone, please ignore any typos.” Did I mention anywhere in this article that I love Justin Bieber? Honestly, I should’ve just put this disclaimer at the end of every paper I ever wrote in college while cracked out on Adderall.

While we’re here talking about Justin and Hailey and the possibility of a child, it’s important to note that this isn’t the first time we’ve thought Hailey might be pregnant. Back in October, Justin’s dad raised many questions after posting a photo of Justin, calling him a father-to-be. That obviously turned out not to be a thing, because Hailey is definitely not pregnant enough now to still be pregnant from October. I’m no OBGYN, but that’s just not how it works. So basically, take this all with a grain of salt, which is the size of an embryo at four weeks. *ba-dum-shhhh*

Obviously, we will be closely monitoring Justin and Hailey’s social media for any signs of baby news, but for now it seems like Justin was just doing his thing and spouting words about family and God and life and being a father in the future. Or…. wait… what if we have this “father” thing all wrong? What if Justin is actually becoming a priest?? I think I’m onto something. Move over, Carl Lentz. Father Justin is going to be the next Pope, I’m calling it now.

Images: @justinbieber / Instagram (3); @betchesluvthis, thtkidchristian / Twitter