Venus is forming its third and final square of the year with Neptune this week, giving us idealistic, optimistic vibes. For once, quarantine doesn’t feel so bad. Maybe you could even get used to this life! Maybe you can thrive in it! Or at least, maybe you won’t feel completely f*cking hopeless every second of the day, which, in 2020, is something.
Aries
Your rosé-colored goggles are firmly planted on this week. On the bright side, you’re seeing the bright side (for once)! One the other hand, don’t be fooled or let yourself start ignoring obvious red flags. I guess what we’re saying is: don’t catch feelings for the wrong person.
Taurus
Q: Has your generosity been taken advantage of lately? A: Yes. You love to show people you care by providing material assistance (i.e. sending a little Venmo to a depressed friend “for wine”), but remember you need to take care of yourself, too. And yes, it is okay to decline to donate to your roommate’s tequila fund even if she is calling it “mutual aid.”’
Gemini
It’s manifestation time, Gemini! Chances are your goals, or even entire life plan, has changed recently. Out with the old and in with the new! Take some time this week to dream up a new vision for your future, then write it down. And we won’t judge you if spend a little time on WitchTok looking up manifestation spells, either.
Cancer
How are your boundaries these days, Cancer? Actually, don’t answer that. At the risk of sounding like a selfish millennial, you’ve been giving and sacrificing too much for others these days. This week is all about reestablishing boundaries and recommitting to yourself. Newsflash: you are living through a pandemic too!
Leo
Who are your ride or dies? That is the question you’ll be answering this week, Leo. This week, something will come to the surface that will set apart the real ones from the fakers. As stressful as that may be, be thankful. Some people have to go through entire seasons on a reality show just to figure that out.
Virgo
This week, you’re taking a second look at someone or something you wrote off because, let’s face it, any decisions we’ve made in 2020 are more guidelines than actual rules. Open yourself up to new possibilities, even if that means revisiting an old possibility you let go at the time. (Betches Media is not responsible for any exes contacted as a result of this post.)
Libra
Promises, promises! This week, a promise you made in less pandemic-ey times may come back to bite you. Be honest about what you’re capable of, and try to find a middle ground. There usually is one. Unless they want you to join them for a 6am fitness class you agreed to when you were blackout, in which case that is a hard no.
Scorpio
Love or lust? Or a little bit of both? You’ll be dealing with this classic human dilemma all week, Scorpio, so be prepared to answer the hard questions. Mainly, do you like him, or is he just the only other single person in your quarantine pod?
Sagittarius
You’re dealing with your own love vs lust dilemma this week, Sagittarius, but with a twist. Someone from your past might slide into your DMs asking to “break quarantine,” if ya know what I mean. Be thoughtful, not just about your health, but also about your heart. Nobody wants to end up risking it all for just an average hookup situation.
Capricorn
You’ve got a case of The Mondays that are lasting all week, Capricorn. Leave it to you to be the one sign that’s grumpy during “idealism week.” There’s only one thing to do: make like Garfield and drown yourself in lasagna. Though maybe like, one of those eggplant ones to cut down on the carbs.
Aquarius
The stars are aligned for you to make some risky decisions this week, Aquarius. No judgemnt. Your rebellious sign is looking to cause a little trouble, just make sure you don’t make trouble for yourself. You don’t want to end up one of those people whose last words were “YOLO.”
Pisces
You might be feeling a little off balance this week, Pisces, and its not just the midday margs (though like, those aren’t helping…) Take time to center yourself with some deep, cleansing breaths whenever you get overwhelmed. And if that doesn’t work, just say f*ck it and add another shot to those margs.
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Do you feel that? It’s the last week of Mercury retrograde, which means soon you’ll be able to get your sh*t together. It also means you’re going to have to take responsibility for your own actions and not just blame it on a random rock in the sky. Or just shift gears and blame it on the pandemic. Your choice.
Aries
It’s time to build your sanctuary, Aries! This WFH sh*t is going to be lasting for a while, and bars and restaurants are basically ancient history. Now is the time to make your space into the bar/restaurant/music festival/nap pod you’ve always dreamed of. And yes, that does mean dropping some dollars on a set of fancy-ass sheets.
Taurus
Take time with your communications this week, Taurus. Mercury is still in retrograde and she is hitting you hard, so double-check those emails and texts before hitting send, and maybe refrain from talking sh*t on Slack for a while. Once Mercury is out of retrograde, you can resume DMing your work wife minute-to-minute breakdowns of how annoying Ashley from HR is with reckless abandon.
Gemini
That thing you’ve been procrastinating? Now is the time, Gemini! Mercury retrograde is coming to a close, making it the perfect time to tie up loose ends and generally get your sh*t in order. That way you can hit the ground running and actually accomplish the things on your to-do list before she swings in reverse again and your ability to concentrate turns to mush.
Cancer
Mercury was retrograde in your sign this past month, meaning you might have found yourself a little tongue tied. But not anymore! Now is a great time to clear up any misconceptions that may have arisen due to your Mercury brain. Just like, don’t actually cite Mercury retrograde in your apology. That never ends well. Trust me.
Leo
This week brings some much needed clarity for you, Leo, which is great because things have been a bit foggy lately. Take some time to sit down and answer life’s great questions, like “what is my true purpose?” and “why do I keep eating cheese even though I am clearly lactose intolerant?” (The answer: it’s delicious.)
Virgo
Omg is that…can it be…a social life! Blessed be! This week you are finding new ways to resolve the lost art of chilling with the homies, whether it be a socially distant outdoor meetup or a new type of Zoom hangout that doesn’t suck. Let us know what you come up with for that last one, btw. The other signs are dying to know.
Libra
The distraction ends today, Libra! Your head has been in clouds but you are back down to earth and ready to get sh*t done. Laundry? Completed. Inbox? Zero. Weird pile of clothes in the back corner of your closet? Okay so that’s still there, but you’ll get to it soon!
Scorpio
When is honesty too honest? This is a dilemma that has plagued you your whole life, Scorpio, and this week is no exception. Be sure to check and double-check whether or not your comments are necessary this week, as you could veer from “truth” to “too far” without even realizing. Like, everyone knows Meghan has been wearing the same pants since March. No need to point it out.
Sagittarius
Do you like him, or did he just test positive for the antibodies? This week you may find yourself feeling mixed up in the realm of love. Before making any commitments, be sure to check in with yourself and make sure it’s not just your COVID dry spell that’s doing the talking.
Capricorn
An old flame might come back into your life this week, Capricorn, but are you prepared for that? And more importantly, do you even want it? These are the questions you must ask yourself before you respond to your ex’s “just checking in” text. They’re never just checking in.
Aquarius
How are those self-care routines going, Aquarius? This week your wellness routines are going to take center stage, and you’ll be feeling motivated to check out some new YouTube workouts or even—gasp—go for a run. And they said it was impossible to get hotter in quar.
Pisces
You’re keeping it low-key this week, which is good because as soon as Mercury is out of retrograde the spotlight will be shining right in your face. Enjoy this last week of leaving people on read because once the messenger planet flies into forward motion, your DMs will be out of control. *Sigh* It’s so hard being popular.
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