It’s been over a month since Jordyn Woods sat down with Jada Pinkett Smith on Red Table Talks, and it looks like Kylie and Jordyn are finally making some progress on repairing their friendship. If you asked me at the beginning of March, I would have bet my first born that these two would never reconcile, but no feud is too great to overcome when ratings and followers are on the line. So far, there hasn’t been any big public outing or declaration of friendship, so it’s tough to know exactly where things stand between the ex-ex-BFFs, but we can still use our powers of social media investigation to figure if Kylie and Jordyn are friends.
The most obvious moves on both sides so far have been about clearing the air and dispelling the notion that anyone here is an enemy. Last week, Kylie made her claims that she didn’t have anything to do with discounting Jordyn’s lip kits in the aftermath of the scandal. Now, I’m not 100% sold on this being true, but in this case, that’s really beside the point. Whether Kylie did it or not, she wants everyone (and especially Jordyn) to think that she didn’t. If Jordan was still Kylie’s public enemy #1, she would have no reason to clear the air about this kind of thing.
.@kyliecosmetics will be having a flash sale on the Kylie x Jordyn Collection. All products buy 1 get 10 free. Everything must go! Use the code “betrayal” for free shipping. pic.twitter.com/bF5d4plO30
— North West (@norisblackbook) February 20, 2019
Similarly to the lip kit un-drama, Jordyn Woods’ mom, Elizabeth Woods, took to Instagram yesterday to clear up some misconceptions on her daughter’s behalf. She called out people who have been selling Jordyn-themed merch, clarifying that the Woodses are neither authorizing nor profiting from any of it.
Honestly, the Woods family is probably kicking themselves right now, because I would absolutely spend $48 dollars on an “I don’t need your situation” throw pillow. But, just like with Kylie’s lip kit claims, the whole point of Elizabeth Woods speaking out is to show that there’s no bad blood on their part. Jordyn has basically been apologizing since the beginning, but her mom is reinforcing that they don’t have anything bad to say about the Kardashian-Jenners.
Now that we have all of these subtext-laden statements out of the way, let’s get to the more undercover sh*t. First of all, let’s note that Jordyn and Kylie never unfollowed each other on Instagram, even at the height of the #JordynGate scandal. That’s an important thing to remember, because once you unfollow a friend on Instagram, that’s pretty much the end of the road. Things have been pretty cold in terms of likes and comments between Kylie and Jordyn, but in the past week there have been a couple important developments.
First, we have to talk about Elizabeth Woods again. I’m having trouble deciding if Jordyn’s mom is merely supportive or thirsty AF, but it seems like she means well for the most part. Last week, Kylie posted an adorable photo of her daughter Stormi carrying an Hermès bag that I’m sure costs as much as my rent for a year. Not jealous, you guys, I promise. The photo got millions of likes, as Kylie’s posts usually do, but I’m really only focused on one comment: three heart emojis from none other than Elizabeth Woods. DUN DUN DUN.
What is the meaning of this? Is Elizabeth just loose with the heart emojis when she sees a cute kid on her feed? Or is this some kind of sign that things between her daughter and Kylie are getting better?? Truly, I was left with more questions than answers, but luckily Kylie’s next post provided us with another important piece of evidence. It’s a video of Stormi with her Hermès bag (still not jealous, why would I be jealous?), and it was liked by one…JORDYN WOODS. BUM BUM BUUUUUMMMMM.
So where does this leave us? I’ll be honest and say I really don’t know. On one hand, these social media interactions could be an indicator that Kylie and Jordyn are in a good place, and everyone is ready to move on. But on the other hand, aside from Kylie’s comments about the lip kit discount, things are still looking a little one-sided. Kylie has yet to like or comment on any of Jordyn’s recent posts, and until that starts happening again, it doesn’t really seem like things are fully back to normal.
More than likely, Kylie and Jordyn are going to make us wait six months for the next season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians to see what’s really going on with their friendship, and I’ll be here dutifully waiting until that day. I’ll just keep myself busy roasting POOSH and stalking Kanye’s Sunday Services on Instagram.
Images: Getty Images; @elizabethwoods, @kyliejenner (2) / Instagram; norisblackbook / Twitter
While we’re all waiting for the Jordyn Woods and Tristan Thompson scandal to play out on the new season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, it’s also still happening in real life. Kylie Jenner is now saying she had nothing to do with one of the shadier moments of #Jordyngate, and personally, I’m calling bullsh*t.
Back in happier times, Kylie Jenner and Jordyn Woods did a collaboration for Kylie Cosmetics, and in the immediate aftermath of their fallout, the price of the Jordyn Lip Kit was slashed in half. The entire world noticed, and it seemed like one of the most savage things Kylie could have done to her ex-best friend. But now, over a month later, Kylie is coming forward to say that she wasn’t the one behind the discount. Sure, Jan.
When asked by the New York Times about the lip kit discount, Kylie had a lot to say. “That is just not my character. I would never do something like that and when I saw it, I was like, thrown back. Jordyn knows I didn’t actually put it on sale.” I have some thoughts about this. First, is “thrown back” something that people say? I think she’s looking for “taken aback,” or “thrown off,” or even “shook,” but I guess she still has some things to realize. Also, she did actually put it on sale. Even if she wasn’t the one calling the shots, it’s still her company, and the lip kit was obviously on sale.
Kylie’s explanation for the shady-looking discount seems like it could be legit at first glance. She says that her company was in the process of switching from white to black packaging, so all the older stock was getting discounted. If this is true, then why wasn’t, like, half of the website on sale? I’m pretty sure that Jordyn’s lip kit wasn’t magically the only product with white packaging that was left in stock. And if this sale was planned weeks in advance like Kylie claims, then it seems like they could’ve easily just changed the start date to make it less shady. But they clearly wanted to be shady!!
kylie cosmetics slashing the prices on the Jordyn lip kit is the only level of petty allowed
— ??♂️⭐️RAVE NYMPH⭐️??♂️ (@acaiprincess) February 23, 2019
Interestingly enough, Jordyn’s lip kit has now been restored to the full, original price. This is probably the clearest piece of evidence that Kylie Jenner wanted to be a messy bitch, but then felt bad. If Kylie Cosmetics was actually so desperate to get rid of all this white packaging, there’s no reason that they would be raising prices. If anything, this sh*t would be getting cheaper and cheaper. As someone who has worked retail, I know that if I want something that’s on sale, it’s almost always smart to wait a week or two for the price to drop even more. Either Kylie is really bad at running a store, or she’s really bad at lying about not being shady.
So now that Kylie Jenner and Jordyn Woods are reportedly working on repairing their friendship, you can buy a Jordyn Lip Kit for the original price of $27. I’m so happy that these two are mending their relationship, and making more money in the process!
Images: Shutterstock; BuzzFeed; @acaiprincess / Twitter
Now that it’s been a couple weeks since the drama of the Jordyn Woods/Tristan Thompson scandal, it’s time to start moving forward and see where everyone stands. As far as we can tell, Khloé Kardashian and Tristan are definitely not back together, thank God. Things with Jordyn are a little less clear, but there have been new developments in the past few days.
Yesterday, there was a pretty big mix-up when reports circulated that Kylie Jenner was hanging out with Jordyn. In public. (Cue freakout.) What actually happened was that some grainy photos of Kylie out at brunch with another person surfaced, but it turned out that it wasn’t Jordyn in the pictures. I’ll get to that in a minute. Also this weekend, there were new reports that Kylie and Jordyn have started to work on their friendship. They haven’t met in person yet, but are texting each other about getting things going again. Very interesting.
So it’s too early to say what will come of Kylie and Jordyn reportedly texting each other, but who is Kylie hanging out with in the meantime? She’s never had a big circle of close friends, which I guess makes sense since she’s a 21-year-old billionaire. When I was 21, I didn’t even have $25 to spend on drinks, so it must be tough for Kylie to find people on her level. From what we can tell, her main friend since the Jordyn fallout has been Heather Sanders, who was the one mistakenly identified as Jordyn this weekend. Who is Heather Sanders? Let’s take a look.
First of all, Heather Sanders looks…a lot like Jordyn. They don’t look like twins, but I could easily confuse the two in a grainy paparazzi-style iPhone pic. Just like in men, it looks like Kylie has a specific type when it comes to her friends. Heather is actually several years older than Kylie, and she’s married with two kids, meaning that she and Kylie actually have a good bit in common. I guess this is the billionaire equivalent of going to new mom meetups to find friends?
Some of Kylie’s friends really seem to do nothing, but Heather Sanders actually own her own business. Back in 2012, she started Sorella, a clothing boutique that has a physical location in LA and an online store. The clothes are very Instagram-model-street-style-that’s-way-too-cool-for-me-to-ever-wear, but I’m happy for Heather. You go Heather.
Heather’s friendship with Kylie actually goes way back. They met at Kylie’s Sweet 16 back in 2013 in the most Kardashian way. This was when Kylie was pretending not to date Tyga because she was a literal child, but he performed at her birthday. Heather’s boyfriend (now husband) King Trell was best friends with Tyga, so she was at the party. That was more than five years ago, and Heather and Kylie have been friends ever since. Even if Jordyn’s friendship with Kylie was more public, Heather’s not some new bitch who just showed up last week.
Funny enough, Heather was pregnant with her second child at the same time Kylie was pregnant with Stormi, and Heather posted this adorable photo after Kylie gave birth. It was probably really great for Kylie to have a pregnancy buddy, especially considering she literally couldn’t go out in public for like, seven months.
Inevitably, because Heather Sanders has been around Kylie for so long, she also knows Jordyn Woods. It’s unclear if they’re as close as Jordyn was with Kylie, but Heather did post this photo of them in 2017, with #realsisters in the caption. They haven’t been on each other’s feeds lately, but I’m really curious who is still talking to who after this whole situation went down.
Because Heather Sanders is a grown-ass woman with a two kids and a business, I’m not sure she has the time to be a 24/7 BFF the way Jordyn Woods always was, but she’s probably been a good person for Kylie to have around in the last few weeks. I’ll be very interested to see where everything stands in a few weeks, after Kylie and Jordyn have had a little more time to talk, and possibly patch things up. For now, it’s important to note that Kylie, Jordyn, and Heather all still follow each other on Instagram, so read into that however much you want. Maybe Heather Sanders will be the voice of reason who brings everyone back together, or maybe she’ll play her cards right to steal Jordyn’s spotlight (and Instagram followers). I have a feeling we haven’t heard the last of Heather Sanders, no matter what happens.
Images: Shutterstock; @heathersanders_ / Instagram (3); @sorellaboutique / Instagram
Unless you’re living under a rock, you know that Tristan Thompson *may have* hooked up with his kind-of sister-in-law’s best friend, Jordyn Woods, last week. Since that fateful night, the internet has been living for all the drama as it unfolds, giving us some of the best memes of 2019 so far. It’s also left us with a lot of questions. Was Jordyn really feeling loose off the goose—I mean, hennything is possible—and did the alleged hookup take place? Does Khloé have a right to feel surprised when this is very similar to how her relationship with Thompson began? And should any of us really be shocked by Tristan’s behavior, given that this is the same dude who made out with a girl in a club while his baby mama was on the verge of giving birth? (Sidenote: I need celebrities to be smarter about the way they cheat. Did you think we wouldn’t find out bro, really? We found Bin Laden in a cave, you didn’t think we would see you bringing your thirst trap in through the front door of your hotel?) But I digress.
I’ll admit it—I have been eating this sh*t up all week. If Kris Jenner cooked this story up, someone get this lady her Pulitzer, because this is the stuff of Shakespearean tragedies. Betrayal! Lies! Infidelity! Borderline incest! There’s something that makes this cheating scandal particularly juicy, in a way that others haven’t been. On some level, I think a driving force behind the internet frenzy is schadenfreude. Until last week, Jordyn Woods had it made—free mansion living, lavish vacations, partnership deals with already-established brands. I’m sure all of us would like our friends to hook us up like that! Jordyn Woods had the easiest job on the planet, and all she had to do to keep it was not hook up with three men in the entire world: Kanye West, Travis Scott, or Tristan Thompson. (Let’s be honest, if she hooked up with Scott Disick we wouldn’t be mad at her—we’d be mad at ourselves for being shocked in the first place.) To see someone so expertly f*ck up the sweetest, easiest gig in the world, while we’re sitting here in our not-mansions, earning meager salaries, is pretty sweet.
And yet, we could make the same jokes about Tristan, but we aren’t. Tristan also committed a betrayal, and f*cked up a sweet arrangement, and I have not seen nearly as many people dragging him for it. I mean, he’s averaging 16 points per game for a team that has one of the worst records in the NBA. He’s making a ton of money, but he could stand to benefit in the future from being linked to figures as public as the Kardashians. Instead, he effectively ripped Khloé’s family apart (and his own) by hooking up with someone in her inner circle, nuking his own shot at permanent fame and wealth in the process. (Where do most good-looking athletes go after they retire? Television—only Tristan has now ended up on the sh*t list of one of the most powerful families in Hollywood.) Of course it was f*cked up of Jordyn to hook up with her best friend’s sister’s man. But isn’t what Tristan did just as bad, if not worse? It takes two to tango, but the only person in this equation who had a responsibility to remain loyal to his relationship was Tristan. The person who actually stepped out on his relationship was, you guessed it, Tristan. Where are the memes about him f*cking his way out of that? (The only ones you’ll see on the internet right now are from his last cheating scandal.)
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I’m not exactly shocked, though. I mean, think about all the conversations you’ve had with your friends about the f*cked up things men do. Do you ever notice that those usually end with someone going, “he’s a f*ckboy, what do you expect” or “I know better now”? These sentiments loosely translate to my least favorite phrase: “boys will be boys,” a phrase that, according to Google, is “used to express the view that mischievous or childish behavior is typical of boys or young men and should not cause surprise when it occurs.” It gives men a blank check for their actions, literally from childhood. And we know that allowance doesn’t just stop when men hit adulthood—it is used to explain away the bad behavior of adult men. On an extreme end, it can be invoked to excuse Supreme Court Justices’ alleged sexual assaults. In less severe instances, like here, it’s used (even subconsciously) to minimize the hurtful actions of a man whose choices have negatively impacted his family.
Jordyn Woods, however, doesn’t have the luxury of a “girls will be girls” dismissal (even though she’s 21 years old to Tristan’s 27)—instead, she has to go to the media to try to defend herself, while Tristan has been able to remain mum ever since the story broke. It’s proof that she’s being ascribed more responsibility for an incident in which two people are equally to blame, mainly because she is a woman. In her interview, she and Jada briefly commiserated over the difficulty of being a black woman in the public eye. It’s easy to try to write that off that as “playing the race card” (whatever that is), but I think she has a point. Right now, Jordyn is being characterized as a home-wrecker (even by Khloé Kardashian in her recent tweet).
Why are you lying @jordynwoods ?? If you’re going to try and save yourself by going public, INSTEAD OF CALLING ME PRIVATELY TO APOLOGIZE FIRST, at least be HONEST about your story. BTW, You ARE the reason my family broke up!
— Khloé (@khloekardashian) March 1, 2019
On the one hand, I get it—Khloé’s extremely hurt. It’s easier to lash out at the “other woman” rather than direct that anger toward the man you put your trust into. But whether she likes it or not, this is playing out in the public eye and is bigger than just her and Jordyn’s Instagram followers misery. To me, this implicitly calls upon the jezebel stereotype of black women, which dates back to the 1800s and implies that black women are inherently more sexual than white women, and are seductresses who break up marriages and families. Kardashian did eventually acknowledge Tristan’s own culpability, but it came as an afterthought, after days of publicly shading Jordyn.
Instead of having empathy, we shame women into staying in harmful archetypes that we claim we want to do away with. Why aren’t we instead shaming a f*ckboy so disloyal he will (allegedly) hook up with practically his own in-law?? It’s because we still don’t hold men to the same standards as women, in pop culture or in our personal lives. This scandal started out fun, but it has quickly revealed that even though we think we’re progressive in 2019, we’re still treating women like it’s the 1800s. If we’re demanding equality, we need to dish it out on all ends, and that means I better see more memes, tweets, and articles dedicated to flaming Tristan’s bitchass and revealing him for the piece of shit he actually is.
When Tristan Thompson says “I’ve changed” pic.twitter.com/bxMZrgyEmU
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) February 28, 2019
Images: Shutterstock; @idealpiper, @khloekardashian (2) / Twitter; @girlsthinkimfunny / Instagram
In the history of the world, there are certain pivotal events that we all experience together. Everyone remembers where they were when man first landed on the moon, or Barack Obama was elected President. Today, we are at a crossroads, after which we will never be the same. This saga feels like it has been going on for years, but it’s only been 1o days since news of Jordyn and Tristan’s cheating surfaced. We’ve all been losing our minds over the last week and a half, but today, we should finally get some answers. After the longest 10 days of my life, Jordyn Woods is breaking her silence.
On Tuesday evening, Jordyn Woods sat down with Jada Pinkett Smith to record an interview for Smith’s Red Table Talks show. We still have no idea how this interview will go down. Will Jordyn be apologetic right off the bat? Will she come up with excuses, or use this as an opportunity to spill tea about the Kardashian family? We’ll find out soon. The interview is scheduled to go live today, March 1, at 9AM Pacific, and this is where we’ll be keeping you updated live as the interview unfolds.
AND. WE. ARE. LIVE. Jada immediately tells us that she’s known Jordyn her whole life, because her dad worked on Fresh Prince. This is going to be emotional, I can already tell.
“This is grown woman mess on a ‘mother level.” – JORDYN HAS SPOKEN.
Jordyn is in the kitchen with Jada and her mom, and Will Smith joins us via FaceTime. He obviously loves Jordyn, and tells her that she’s supported. Jordyn is already crying, so this is going to be a long 30 minutes. Will instructs her to “take her medicine, and tell her truth.” He is so f*cking wise.
Jordyn says that Sunday night she went to a bar after dinner with friends. She was minding her own business, but Tristan was there. She says that normal LA culture is to go to someone’s house after being out at a bar. That night, it was Tristan’s house.
Jordyn says that she was hanging out with Tristan, but they never left the party to go to a private area. She says that there were other girls around, and she wishes they would hold themselves accountable, but she doesn’t want them to go through what she’s going through.
She is adamant that she never gave Tristan a lap dance, but she can see why people would say they were “getting cozy.” Her “butt was never sitting on him,” but she had her legs over his legs. Jesus girl, we need a crime scene reenactment.
She is firm in her denial that anything intimate happened between her and Tristan, but she acknowledges that someone in her position shouldn’t be hanging out with Tristan like she was. She admits that she didn’t leave until 6AM, but says she was with other people the whole time. She also says that she was drunk, but has never blacked out in her life. Sure, Jan.
BOOM. Jordyn admits that when she was leaving, Tristan kissed her on the lips. There was no passion, but it still happened. This is important.
Later that day, she was talking to Khloé and Kylie about that night, and she says that she was not honest about the actions that had taken place. Even if she’s telling the truth about not hooking up with Tristan, she lied by omission in that moment.
“DID YOU SLEEP WITH TRISTAN.”
“Never. Attach me to a lie detector, whatever it is, I need people to know the truth.”
Now Jada and Jordyn have pivoted, and are talking about how tough they can have it as black women. This is so, so true, and here’s some insight into how this issue has affected our discussion of this scandal as a whole.
Jordyn says that her family can’t go out in public right now, but I dare anyone reading this to tell me what Jordyn’s mom, or brother, or sister look like. I get that she’s probably been unfairly scapegoated in this whole scandal, but her family isn’t that well-known.
Jordyn reiterates that her main mistake that night was going to the afterparty in the first place. Honestly, that’s how most of my nights out go, so I can relate to this feeling.
She says that she told Kylie she was coming to the Red Table today, and that she has reached out to Khloé to repeat that there was no malicious intent in what happened.
Jada reminds her that there’s a lot of pain happening, so it might take many attempts, and also a good deal of time, for people to feel safe and open enough to let her back in. This is how I feel every time I say I’m never drinking again.
The first question from the fish bowl is if this was a publicity stunt. Jordyn simply says “It’s been real.”
She says that she did apologize to Khloé, but has not been able to see her in person yet. For the third time, she offers to take a lie detector test, even though all those SVU marathons taught me that polygraphs aren’t really that reliable.
Jordyn says that it’s hurtful how many people who she considered friends have taken to social media to bully her. She also says that 90% of the people who have spoken out as sources aren’t her real friends.
AND WE’RE DONE.
So here’s what happened: Jordyn was adamant that she and Tristan never hooked up. She acknowledged that she did things she shouldn’t have, but she never did anything with malicious intent. She’s reached out to Khloé and Kylie, but they haven’t been open to sitting down with her yet. Also, I want Jada Pinkett Smith to be my mom.
UPDATE: Khloé has already responded to Jordyn’s interview with the below tweet:
Why are you lying @jordynwoods ?? If you’re going to try and save yourself by going public, INSTEAD OF CALLING ME PRIVATELY TO APOLOGIZE FIRST, at least be HONEST about your story. BTW, You ARE the reason my family broke up!
— Khloé (@khloekardashian) March 1, 2019
“Why are you lying @jordynwoods ??” she writes. “If you’re going to try and save yourself by going public, INSTEAD OF CALLING ME PRIVATELY TO APOLOGIZE FIRST, at least be HONEST about your story. BTW, You ARE the reason my family broke up!” YEESH. Safe to say Khloé isn’t buying Jordyn’s story.
What do you all think? Do you believe Tristan gave Jordyn a peck on the lips? Or do you think there’s more to this story?
UPDATE #2: Finally, more than a week after the initial scandal broke, we are finally getting an acknowledgment from Khloé Kardashian that Tristan Thompson is equally responsible for what transpired (or didn’t transpire) between him and Jordyn. In a new tweet she fired off, Kardashian wrote:
Tristan is equally to blame but Tristan is the father of my child. Regardless of what he does to me I won’t do that to my daughter. He has been addressing this situation PRIVATELY. If Tristan were to lie publicly about what conspired,then yes I would address him publicly as well
— Khloé (@khloekardashian) March 1, 2019
“Tristan is equally to blame but Tristan is the father of my child. Regardless of what he does to me I won’t do that to my daughter. He has been addressing this situation PRIVATELY. If Tristan were to lie publicly about what conspired,then yes I would address him publicly as well,” she said. Completely wrong choice in wording aside, this is officially EXTREMELY messy. We probably will never know the truth of what actually happened.
What do you think? Do you think Jordyn and Tristan hooked up, or it was just a peck on the lips?
Images: Shutterstock
As we all know by now, this week has been a pretty crazy time in the Kardashian-verse. We’ve always known that Tristan Thompson had a hard time keeping it in his pants, as evidenced by last year, when he publicly cheated on his very-pregnant girlfriend Khloé Kardashian. This week, 2019 Tristan told 2018 Tristan to hold his beer, and then f*cked things up in a way that I’m still just beginning to wrap my head around. We’ve all heard that he’s been dumped by Khloé after hooking up with Kylie’s BFF Jordyn Woods, but I really think he’s just doing fine. The silver lining for Tristan is obvious: he can walk away from a relationship that he clearly wasn’t that invested in anyway, and all he really has to worry about is if he’ll ever be allowed to see his daughter again (he will). Aside from that, Tristan is doing just fiiiiiine right now.
But, as it turns out, there might be a silver lining in all this drama for Jordyn, too! Her little bonus comes in the form of sweet, sweet Instagram followers. Before the news broke, she was at around 8 million followers. Now, she’s at 8.5 million, and still growing. Guys, all of us millenial degenerates have been wasting our time posting boomerangs of clinking champagne glasses and #OOTDS with dumbass hashtags like #VSCO or #mood. Turns out the entire time, we could’ve just slept with Tristan Thompson if we wanted some more followers. And if we’ve learned anything from this situation, it’s that Tristan Thompson will sleep with anyone. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that he’s 6’10, is in shape, and is 6’10. Sorry, I just can’t stop thinking about the fact that he’s 6’10.
So, if all else fails, at least it looks like Jordyn will still be able to pull in some pretty decent #spon opportunities based on her follower count alone. However, it must sting for Jordyn that it looks like Kylie Jenner has already replaced her. Since the drama broke, Kylie has just been…well…Kylie. No passive aggressive “inspirational” quotes or speaking out for her own flesh and blood. At first it was just selfies and hawking her makeup line, but there’s been an interesting development this evening. Kylie just posted a video to her story of herself with an anonymous friend. We do see some features that TOTALLY resemble Jordyn’s (crazy fake nails, killer curves), but other than that, the chick is borderline unidentifiable. However, a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it giveaway is that this new Jordyn clone doesn’t have Jordyn’s infamous gap teeth. DUN DUN DUN.
IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ABOUT THIS JORDYN IMPOSTER, PLEASE COMMENT BELOW:
I mean, that sucks if you’re Jordyn Woods, but Kylie is 1000% intentionally making us guess whether or not it’s Jordyn by obsessively watching the vid to the point where I feel like I’m Penn Badgley in You. But Kylie is making a grave mistake. If we’ve learned anything from The Devil Wears Prada, it’s that you should always hire the dowdy, adult virgin who shops at Talbots to be your assistant/friend. Right now, Kylie shouldn’t be surrounding herself with Jordyn Woods lookalikes, because that’s just going to cause more trouble. Personally, I would love to be her new best friend/bitch, if applications are still open.
For now, it seems like everyone in this equation is doing okay, but keep in mind that we haven’t actually heard from Jordyn Woods yet. Her follower count might be going up rapidly, but she’s still stuck sleeping on her mom’s couch at the end of the day. At least now, she can buy some lip kits from her Kylie collaboration at a steep discount!
Images: Shutterstock; @kyliejenner / Instagram
It’s been a dramatic couple of days, but Jordyn-gate is far from over. Yesterday, I spent literally my entire day at work scrolling through Instagram laughing at all the Jordyn Woods memes, but she’s probably not laughing right now. Sources are saying that Jordyn is moving out of Kylie’s house and back in with her mom, which feels…correct. Jordyn has basically spent the last three years mooching off of Kylie, so it’s going to be a tough time now that she has to pay for her own sh*t. But the Kardashian family has never been into showing sympathy, so they’re wasting no time in beginning their public roasting of Jordyn Woods.
The first to strike was Kourtney Kardashian, who posted to her story yesterday morning. This post kind of got lost in the chaos that was Instagram yesterday, but it’s a pretty great use of shade by Kourt.
Okay, so first of all, I need this sweater. Normally, I would say this piece of clothing just fits Kourtney’s general annoyed demeanor, but her posting this amidst the drama with Jordyn just can’t be a coincidence. Basically, Kourt is saying that the Kardashians made Jordyn, and now she can kindly get the f*ck out. California’s a big state, but Jordyn Woods is not safe.
Kourtney’s post was a fun bit of shade, but Khloé Kardashian came in hot and heavy on Thursday morning with the public-shaming Instagram stories.
I mean…damn. I don’t know how close Jordyn and Khloé actually are/were, but this is ice cold, and I feel like we can all relate a little bit.
Okay girl! Yes, please take this as a sign and drop Tristan’s ass forever! I would say that Khloé dodged a bullet, but she’s already spent years with Tristan and had a child with him, so that’s probably a little generous. Either way, he’s obviously a horrible guy, and I hope Khloé never gives him another chance. Thank u, next.
Of all of these shady-ass subtweets, this one probably hits the hardest. Khloé is clearly in a dark place right now, and she has no problem saying that Jordyn is the one who f*cked her up. She closed out her Instagram story attack with one last cryptic image, which is probably an accurate representation of her mental state right now.
While I would probably advise Khloé to just log off of social media for a minute and take some deep breaths, she’s also went on Twitter to throw one more little bit of shade. By that, I mean that she like a tweet in which Jordyn is called “a terrible woman,” and Tristan is called “a sick man.” Honestly, this makes me happy, because I don’t think Tristan has been getting nearly enough hate in this whole situation.
It’s 2019, so I fully believe that Khloé Kardashian knows that we can all see which tweets she likes. Thus, we all know where Khloé’s head is at right now, and she knows it too. Even if all of this turns out to be some insane publicity stunt, Khloé is playing to win, and it seems like she’s going to come out on top. Meanwhile, Jordyn is sleeping in her mom’s guest room and Tristan is on a one-way flight back to Cleveland right now. Sad!
On a semi-related note, Jonathan Cheban AKA Foodgod, our least favorite Kardashian-adjacent scum, was completely in his own world yesterday. He reposted a video on his story of a prayer candle with his face on it, and the post had Jordyn Woods tagged in it.
Jesus Christ Jonathan, read a f*cking room for once in your life. I’m hoping Kim put him in timeout for at least an hour for reposting this, because it definitely doesn’t go with the family message of icing Jordyn out completely. Am I surprised by Jonathan Cheban doing something completely self-serving and tone-deaf? No! I! Am! Not! What a clown.
As always, we will be closely monitoring this story for additional updates/shady Instagram stories, because this is my Super Bowl. Right now, I’m sending positive thoughts to Khloé Kardashian, because I’m starting to be worried that she might murder Jordyn and/or Tristan. This is so fun!
Images: Shutterstock; @kourtneykardash, @khloekardashian (4), @foodgod / Instagram; @khloekardashian / Twitter
