If you’re a dedicated follower of the Kardashians, then you’re already familiar with their wide network of freeloaders and coattail-riders, ranging from makeup artists to “best friends.” But of course, the most prolific of these Instagram creatures is Jonathan Cheban, aka Foodgod, aka the gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe that I just can’t quite scrape off. Jonathan is known for his cringeworthy antics across the internet, but today he’s in the news for legal reasons that I’m still trying to wrap my head around.
Starting last year, Jonathan Cheban became the face of burger chain Burgerim. His partnership was announced with an unintentionally hilarious YouTube video, in which Foodgod talks about his whole life philosophy, and why Burgerim is life changing. Please watch the video, because I simply can’t do it justice with words alone.
I’ll admit, I had never heard of Burgerim before *checks clock* 45 minutes ago, but according to their website, they’re based in Calabasas, and they’re the “fastest growing burger chain in the US.” It looks like they have dozens of locations across the country, and based on the photos on the website, the food looks pretty delicious. So what’s the problem? Well, it turns out that Burgerim seems to have been run like the fast food equivalent of a multilevel marketing scheme, and a lot of people are getting ripped off… including Foodgod. I hate to say it, but he might be a victim here.
In a new report, Restaurant Business details how Burgerim implemented an aggressive franchising model, aimed at getting lots of money from people with little to no experience in the restaurant business. According to the report, “It is almost impossible to comprehend just how successful Burgerim was at selling people on the brand,” but whatever they were doing worked. The company went from having zero US locations in 2015, to having over 1,200 signed franchisees by the end of 2019. Growth like that sounds too good to be true, and—surprise!—it was.
Burgerim was charging a franchise fee of $50,000 per location, and many people were clearing out their savings or getting loans to make the payments. But the initial fee didn’t cover construction costs or the expenses of running a restaurant, and many franchisees said their costs soared into the hundreds of thousands before they even opened their locations. These costs aren’t different from any other franchise-based restaurant, but what made Burgerim unique were their money-back guarantees, and promises that franchisees would start to see profits immediately upon opening. Spoiler alert: none of that sh*t actually happened, and Restaurant Business estimates that over 100 Burgerim locations have closed since 2017. (I’m getting major Lularoe vibes rn.) Of the 20+ franchisees covered in the RB report, some have filed for bankruptcy or even found themselves homeless in the wake of their Burgerim nightmares.
In reality, this aggressive franchising model isn’t that different from all the pyramid schemes that your high school classmates are trapped in. You have a big company promising randos that they can be business owners and make tons of money, even if they know nothing about makeup/wellness/whatever industry their MLM of choice exists in, but that’s only really going to happen for like, two percent of the people. The others are going to waste a sh*t load of money, and probably be pretty broke or in debt by the end of it.
Adding to the pyramid scheme vibes, Burgerim didn’t collect any royalties from its franchisees, meaning that the only money they were collecting was the initial franchise fee. Because of this, their only hope of being successful was getting more and more people to become franchisees, even if the locations weren’t going to be viable. Basically, they were getting $50,000 per person, then peacing the f*ck out. Okay, so maybe it didn’t have the recruitment aspect of a traditional pyramid scheme, but still, sounds like a scam!!
In recent months, it appears that Burgerim’s devious tactics have caught up to them, and naturally they’ve responded by admitting wrongdoing and putting a stop to their toxic behavior. Just kidding!! Instead, they pulled the professional move of—and I love this—ghosting their franchisees for weeks. According to RB, Burgerim management “went dark” for more than six weeks beginning around Thanksgiving, with franchisees unable to hear back about any of their issues. Around Christmas, an email said the company was restructuring and offices would remained closed through the holidays, but mysteriously, they were still responding to inquiries from potential franchisees during this time.
Basically, whoever is running the show at Burgerim is obviously trash, and it seems like they just want to suck the money out of their franchisees and disappear. So now let’s circle back to Jonathan Cheban. Like I said, he became a spokesperson last year with the aforementioned YouTube video and glowing reviews on his social media. But now, he’s taking legal action against the company, because apparently they didn’t treat him so great, either.
In a legal letter obtained by Page Six, Cheban’s lawyer cuts ties between Foodgod and Burgerim, and demands they pay “all sums due to ,” and stop “making representations that Mr. Cheban is liable for any debt.” The letter also claims that the people behind Burgerim have most likely left the country, which seems about right. Personally, I don’t really see how anyone would assume Jonathan Cheban is responsible for this whole finasco, because that’s really not how celebrity brand endorsements work, but whatever. I’m really curious how much money they owe him, because I hate to think that his endorsement is worth that much money.
While it’s always fun to lightly roast Jonathan Cheban, at the end of the day, this isn’t really about him. There are hundreds of Burgerim franchisees who have basically lost everything to a company that doesn’t give a sh*t, and they don’t have the benefit of fame (or fame-adjacent status) to help them chase Burgerim down for money. Sure, Jonathan may have gotten a little lost in the sauce, and his image might take a hit, but he still has millions of followers who are patiently waiting to see which godforsaken humongous dessert he’s going to try next. He’ll be ok.
Images: Shutterstock; Frankie T / YouTube
Ah, what a tangled web we weave, when
first we practice to deceive we get involved with the Kardashian family. These people have so many often-forgotten connections to other famous people that it’s nearly impossible to keep track of them all. Like, remember that Blac Chyna and Tyga have a baby together? I honestly forgot about that until last week when one of my coworkers brought it up. And sometimes I can’t help but wonder if all the Kardashian friends and exes are cool with each other, or if they don’t acknowledge each other in public. That’s what I was wondering last night around 6pm when I saw Jonathan Cheban walk into Aloft Hotel LaGuardia and get his pass for Rolling Loud New York. Because guess who was headlining Rolling Loud last night at Citi Field? None other than Travis Scott. So I had to do some digging to find out if Jonathan Cheban, Kim’s best friend, was hanging out with Travis Scott, Kylie’s baby daddy and ex (for now)—and what that could mean for Kylie and Travis’s relationship.
If you look at Jonathan’s Instagram stories, you can clearly see he was at Rolling Loud, taking place October 12 and 13 at Citi Field in Queens. I didn’t just see some other guy with a similar face check in (which, with the way people in LA get fillers these days, could have been a real possibility). He posted an Insta story with his wristbands, and another one at the festival.
So he was definitely there. But does Travis have anything to do with it?
Jonathan Insta storied a concert video (ya hate to see it) where it looks like he’s backstage.
The main stage at Rolling Loud had a raised platform off to the left side where presumably artists’ entourage, photographers, and VIP friends could hang out. This looks to me like where this picture could have been taken. We don’t know whose set it was at, but it got dark at 7pm last night (sunset was at 6:20pm last night) and Travis Scott’s set, which was the last of the night, began at 9pm. Also, all the concert Insta Stories were taken within the same hour, and 15 hours ago (at the time I write this) was 10pm. I saw this and started to get giddy that Jonathan Cheban had gotten his artist passes through Travis Scott, and that they were still cool which meant maybe he and Kylie were getting back together and maybe Kylie was there?! Okay, Kylie probably was not there. But still.
But if you click through the next slide, you see Jonathan Insta Story from Travis’s set, and he’s definitely elevated on some kind of platform and not in the mix with gen pop. The only problem? He’s looking head-on at the main stage, which he couldn’t do if he was in that elevated area off to the side I just described. Ughhhh. He could have been in the Sky Loft, which was a super VIP area that cost like $2,000 a head that had an elevated seating area (and bottle service—smh so extra).
So what does this mean? Was Food God a guest of Travis’s? Or did he just happen to be at the festival Travis was headlining? Jonathan Cheban has so many connections that I doubt he has to use Travis to get into a festival, and he tagged one of the creators of Rolling Loud in all his stories, so maybe he knows him? Then again, given that he’s Kim’s best friend, I’m sure he and Travis have like… hung out a few times. I truthfully don’t know, and I regret that all my Instagram stalking could not produce a definite conclusion. But all this is especially interesting considering as recently as Thursday, E! News was reporting that Kylie and Travis were already talking about getting back together.
A source told E! News, “They both know it’s inevitable, they just needed some breathing room to work out a few of their issues. They want to make it work and have both expressed they miss each other and are still in love with one another.” Since E! is the network on which Keeping Up With The Kardashians airs, anything they report about the Kardashians can pretty much be assumed to come from their camp and can be taken as true.
So while my conspiracy theory may or may not ever be proven, it does seem like it’s only a matter of time before Kylie and Travis end back up together. Whether Jonathan Cheban has anything to do with this remains to be seen, but if you ask me, I think I cracked this case wide open.
Images: Shutterstock.com; Jonathan Cheban / Instagram
Every family is dysfunctional, and if you think your family doesn’t have any issues, you might be the one causing them. That being said, most of our family issues are nothing compared to the Kardashians. Their family is so f*cked up that they have an entire TV show about it. I mean, it’s one thing to joke with your siblings and take shots at each other in jest, but these women say things to each other that I wouldn’t even say to people I actually hate. Okay, that’s maybe an exaggeration, but they are savages to each other. I don’t know about you, but it warms my cold, cold heart whenever I think about Kourtney Kardashian laughing at her sister’s crying face after making her cry to begin with. LOL, same Kourt, same. In honor of National Siblings Day, here are some of the most epic clap backs the Kardashians have ever given each other.
When Kim Picked On Kourtney For Having No Career
Personally, Kourtney is my favorite sister, and that’s why I make fun of her. And to my credit, it’s probably infinitely meaner that I don’t make fun of Kendall because I legit forget she even exists. When I make fun of Kourtney for having no career, it comes from a loving place. But when her sister lashes out at her for it, it’s not. From calling her “the least interesting to look at” to saying “I bought her a career,” Kim has no problem throwing it in Kourtney’s face over and over again that she has no drive. But joke’s on Kim, because Kourtney just dropped a website that has the crème de la crème of content we read on Well + Good, like, two years ago.
When Khloé Thanked Kim For Making A Sex Tape
Don’t even get me started on how much I hate when people say Kim Kardashian’s career got started because of a sex tape. It is mystifying that we’re still throwing in her face that her POS ex leaked an intimate video they made, like, a decade ago, but Louis C.K. gets to show face on stage after getting #MeToo’d and most people (*cough* privileged white men *cough*) are like “Well, at least he (half-assedly) apologized.” *Takes deep, calming breaths* Anyway. Half my paycheck is making fun of this family, but the sex tape jokes are where I draw the line. Usually. Unless it’s really, really funny. When the Kardashians won an award for best reality show, Khloé took it upon herself to give a faux acceptance speech where she said they would be nothing without her sister’s home movie. It was honestly as lethal of a verbal lashing as the voicemail Kim Kardashian left for Ray J after she found out he leaked the tape. With that being said, if voicemails are a thing of the past, I think the “Kim Kardashian is a whore who got famous from a sex tape” narrative can be left in the past, too.
Whenever They Like Shade On Nori’s Black Book
The Kardashians are the reigning family of social media, so it makes sense that they take their toxicity to Instagram. Nori’s Black Book is basically a satirical account that pokes fun at the Kardashians, and it is one of the funniest Insta accounts out there. Whoever runs it (I seriously think it’s North that runs it, btw) has the ability to bash the Kardashians with no repercussions (except getting blocked by Jonathan Cheban like the rest of society). Surprisingly, the Kardashians absolutely love it. Most of the fam follows the account and will gladly throw a like whenever North shades Kim for being way too narcissistic, or Kourtney for being unemployed. Khloé is especially liberal with the double tapping on the pics from this account. So basically, with every like, they are shading each other for whatever behavior “North” is calling them out for. With that being said, I can’t help but think throwing a like is actually worse because it’s a little bitch move compared to straight-up calling someone out.
When Kris Yelled At Kim About Her 72-Day Marriage
Whenever someone questions me for having a collage of Kris Jenner as my shower curtain, I show them this clip of Kris sticking up for Rob as a rebuttal. For the record, I feel awful for Rob. There, I said it. I know he’s done some really sh*tty things, and for a while there, he was canceled in my opinion. However, he seems to be manning up and coparenting with his baby mama peacefully. I know it’s patronizing to give a guy credit for being a decent human being, but it’s pretty easy to see how and why he devolved into a hollow shell of a man. Rob was obviously suffering from from really bad depression. A lot of us have been there and a lot of us have been on the other side supporting someone going through it. Both roles are really, really difficult. It’s understandable why Rob’s own sisters were fed up with him after he wouldn’t help himself get better, but it’s still sh*tty to unapologetically knock a guy when he’s down. So it was epic to see Kris finally put Kim in her place for the first time by taking a shot at her 72-day marriage. I like to think Kris was sticking up for her son, but we all know deep down Kris also did it because Kim got demoted to her second-biggest form of income since Kylie became a billionaire.
When Kourtney Waxed Her Sister’s Vagine
So remember Kourtney and Khloé Take Miami? I barely do, because that was the period where we were still acting like Kim was the only one who mattered. And remember when Khloé was married to Lamar? I barely do, because Khloé’s baby voice when speaking to Lamar was so high-pitched that I physically couldn’t register it. Only dogs could hear it. Anyway, Lamar was planning on visiting Khloé in Miami while she was living there to work at DASH. LOL. Khloé had Kourtney give her a bikini wax to make things picante in the bedroom with Lamar. Seriously, WHYYYYY???? And Kourtney got off on inflicting the searing pain upon Khloé more than she ever did during the nine-year relationship with Scott. Again, WHYYYYYYYY????
When Kourtney Threatened To Do Something Very Specific With A Taco
Also, remember Kim and Kourtney Take Miami? Wow, they really went to great lengths to give Kourtney a storyline by acting like they cared about DASH, huh? During the first go-around of KAKTM, Kourtney was so sick of Kim that she basically lost her sh*t during a photoshoot. She swore she was being professional while also threatening to shove a taco up Kim’s ass. Uh, what? I swear, between the bikini wax and this bizarre moment, this family is more borderline incestuous than Cruel Intentions. But it’s weird sh*t like this that makes Kourtney my favorite.
When Kim Lost Her Earring In The Ocean
Don’t get me wrong, I felt absolutely awful for Kim during the time she was with Kris Humprhies. She obviously got wrapped up in the pressure to be married and successful, and honestly who would say no to a guy who’s 6’9? This was clearly a stressful time in her life. How can we forget when the family was on vacation in Bora Bora, and Kim lost an earring worth thousands of dollars while swimming in the ocean. Sure, her ugly crying was pretty funny, but Kourtney had to make matters worse with perhaps the most iconic Kardashian comeback of all time: “Kim, there’s people that are dying”. Again, this is why she’s my favorite.
When Kylie’s Sisters Made Her Cry About Tyga
Kylie is still so young that it’s crazy to remember that she had another serious relationship before Travis Scott. Her relationship with Tyga was always causing drama, and (surprise!) her sisters weren’t always the most supportive. In this scene, it was pretty uncool that Kendall & c0. made Kylie cry, when she was obviously already not in a great place. Her own sisters ride a merry-go-round of undateable dudes, so they’re in no position to talk. Note: this is way more entertaining to watch when you take a shot every time Kendall says “experience.” Alcohol may be the trick to finally make Kendall interesting.
Images: E! / YouTube; @kardashianvideo, @norisblackbook, @kuwtkardashian, @krdashtube / Instagram; E! (3)
It’s been a dramatic couple of days, but Jordyn-gate is far from over. Yesterday, I spent literally my entire day at work scrolling through Instagram laughing at all the Jordyn Woods memes, but she’s probably not laughing right now. Sources are saying that Jordyn is moving out of Kylie’s house and back in with her mom, which feels…correct. Jordyn has basically spent the last three years mooching off of Kylie, so it’s going to be a tough time now that she has to pay for her own sh*t. But the Kardashian family has never been into showing sympathy, so they’re wasting no time in beginning their public roasting of Jordyn Woods.
The first to strike was Kourtney Kardashian, who posted to her story yesterday morning. This post kind of got lost in the chaos that was Instagram yesterday, but it’s a pretty great use of shade by Kourt.
Okay, so first of all, I need this sweater. Normally, I would say this piece of clothing just fits Kourtney’s general annoyed demeanor, but her posting this amidst the drama with Jordyn just can’t be a coincidence. Basically, Kourt is saying that the Kardashians made Jordyn, and now she can kindly get the f*ck out. California’s a big state, but Jordyn Woods is not safe.
Kourtney’s post was a fun bit of shade, but Khloé Kardashian came in hot and heavy on Thursday morning with the public-shaming Instagram stories.
I mean…damn. I don’t know how close Jordyn and Khloé actually are/were, but this is ice cold, and I feel like we can all relate a little bit.
Okay girl! Yes, please take this as a sign and drop Tristan’s ass forever! I would say that Khloé dodged a bullet, but she’s already spent years with Tristan and had a child with him, so that’s probably a little generous. Either way, he’s obviously a horrible guy, and I hope Khloé never gives him another chance. Thank u, next.
Of all of these shady-ass subtweets, this one probably hits the hardest. Khloé is clearly in a dark place right now, and she has no problem saying that Jordyn is the one who f*cked her up. She closed out her Instagram story attack with one last cryptic image, which is probably an accurate representation of her mental state right now.
While I would probably advise Khloé to just log off of social media for a minute and take some deep breaths, she’s also went on Twitter to throw one more little bit of shade. By that, I mean that she like a tweet in which Jordyn is called “a terrible woman,” and Tristan is called “a sick man.” Honestly, this makes me happy, because I don’t think Tristan has been getting nearly enough hate in this whole situation.
It’s 2019, so I fully believe that Khloé Kardashian knows that we can all see which tweets she likes. Thus, we all know where Khloé’s head is at right now, and she knows it too. Even if all of this turns out to be some insane publicity stunt, Khloé is playing to win, and it seems like she’s going to come out on top. Meanwhile, Jordyn is sleeping in her mom’s guest room and Tristan is on a one-way flight back to Cleveland right now. Sad!
On a semi-related note, Jonathan Cheban AKA Foodgod, our least favorite Kardashian-adjacent scum, was completely in his own world yesterday. He reposted a video on his story of a prayer candle with his face on it, and the post had Jordyn Woods tagged in it.
Jesus Christ Jonathan, read a f*cking room for once in your life. I’m hoping Kim put him in timeout for at least an hour for reposting this, because it definitely doesn’t go with the family message of icing Jordyn out completely. Am I surprised by Jonathan Cheban doing something completely self-serving and tone-deaf? No! I! Am! Not! What a clown.
As always, we will be closely monitoring this story for additional updates/shady Instagram stories, because this is my Super Bowl. Right now, I’m sending positive thoughts to Khloé Kardashian, because I’m starting to be worried that she might murder Jordyn and/or Tristan. This is so fun!
Images: Shutterstock; @kourtneykardash, @khloekardashian (4), @foodgod / Instagram; @khloekardashian / Twitter
Jonathan Cheban is, quite possibly, the most hateful man on the planet. Well, besides like, people in ISIS and Trump. Jonathan claims to enjoy having haters because that means we’re jealous. And you know what? We are jealous, because we would love to drink martinis with Kris Jenner. But we also hate him because he fucking sucks! And the only understandable reason the Kardashians keep him around is because if they were to dump him, he would probably air them out so fast since he definitely knows where the bodies are buried in that family. But when he’s not up Kim’s famous derriere, he’s out here blocking people on social media like it’s his job. Well, frankly, it probably is his job because getting filmed eating in restaurants while actual customers look on confused probably doesn’t pay the bills. So we did some internet stalking, and we dug up some stories on Jonathan Cheban blocking people on Twitter and Instagram. There were a lot, but we picked the most interesting (read: psychotic) ones. We couldn’t find his responses because his Twitter mysteriously went on private around the time I tweeted that I was doing this article. Does he have a burner account to keep track of the haters he blocked? Dude is more investigative than Olivia Benson. Anyways, here’s some cringeworthy stories of Jonathan Cheban blocking people.
So Kevin is a professional chef, and it rubbed him the wrong way that Jonathan Cheban calls himself the Food God (with that douchey accent over the o, but I refuse to enable this dude by adding the accent. Also it’s too much effort). This makes total sense that Kevin is frustrated, because this dude basically made up a job title and expects the world to just accept it. So Kevin tweeted that it bothered him.
Being a chef,when @JonathanCheban calls himself “food god” when he doesn’t cook is annoying.”Choosing the right dish is a talent”.Yeah okay.
— Kevin Moran (@Kevinwhatsgood) September 19, 2016
Like we said, Jonathan is on private, so it’s impossible to see his responses. But Kevin told us in jest what Jonathan said:
The only place where Kevin missed the mark is we doubt Jonathan meant that he could be his father when he said “daddy.” We think he meant it in the most sexual way possible. Ew.
Naomi Fry is an esteemed pop culture writer for the New Yorker, covering topics ranging from Vanderpump Rules to Orlando Bloom’s dick. She’s really entertaining to follow on Twitter and recently tweeted this:
Extremely exciting development just now as I discover I am BLOCKED by Jonathan Cheban!!!!!
— Naomi Fry (@frynaomifry) May 7, 2018
I DMed her to ask her why he blocked her, and she had no idea because she’s never tagged him in anything. IDK, I guess it could’ve been this Tweet.
my god, cheban’s face is almost unearthly
— Naomi Fry (@frynaomifry) May 26, 2016
LOL did you really think we would write an article and not make it about ourselves? Yes, even we have been blocked by The Great Cheban. We wrote this article about him because we had some pretty legit questions for him. We didn’t even @ him. Instead of answering, he blocked us on Instagram and Twitter. Damn, he really loves looking himself up on the internet, huh?
Me, The Writer
LMFAO did you really think the staff writer would write the article and not make it about HERself? I honestly don’t remember why Jonathan Cheban blocked me on Twitter. I never had even said anything vicious or even tagged him. Ever since then, though, I’ve had a personal vendetta against him because he clearly has one against me.
— Millie (@milliebeemoore) March 9, 2018
And for the record, Corinne Olympios doesn’t like me because she got pissed when I asked her about the time she was in a Juicy J music video.
I was also blocked by Jonathan on Instagram. He threw up this picture:
He then deleted it when I commented, “You cannot take photos of yourself going ape on one of the largest phallic objects imaginable and expect people not to ridicule you! I mean, the same thing happened to Kim Kardashian a decade ago and it’s still being thrown in her face! Thanks a lot, Ray J!” He deleted the comment, blocked me, and eventually deleted the picture because I can’t find it.
BTW, I met him a year later at an event for those tacky 24k gold wings he created with The Ainsworth. I told him I was his biggest fan and insisted that he give me a hug afterwards. I’d show you our selfie, but I’m shitfaced in it and I’m trying to protect my brand. I can assure you that he is not 6 feet tall like he claims he is, as I was a good two inches taller than him and I’m 5’11”.
Jonathan Cheban lives his life like it’s a food challenge or a Guy Fieri acid trip gone wrong. So how is he not 1,000 pounds? You know you’ve been wondering it, but Josh Arnold jokingly asked Jonathan Cheban if he takes Adderall to stay skinny. Josh was then inundated with a slew of DMs from the Food God himself.
Wow. That’s an ESSAY of a denial that he takes Adderall. Also, Adderall does make you a bit…irritable when you take a lot of it. Plot twist: Josh actually blocked Jonathan first for harassing him, and the Food God blocked him right back. That’s a little childish, but then again, we are talking about someone who brags about barely taking Advil for a headache like it’s some badge of honor.
North’s Black Book
Our favorite parody Kardashian Instagram account is beloved by hundreds of thousands of Instagram users. Even Kim, Khloé, and Kris follow it. Guess who doesn’t? Right, Jonathan, because he has no sense of humor and takes himself entirely too seriously. We interviewed the owner behind the account, who told us that while she never tagged Jonathan, he blocked her. She assumes it’s because she refers to him as “Ms. Cheban.” Then, on Twitter, North’s Black Book tried to make amends in the name of #GirlPower, and Jonathan Cheban promptly blocked her, too.
— North West (@norisblackbook) March 9, 2017
Stephanie (aka The Sophisticated Vegan) is a vegan lifestyle blogger, and that job title alone should tell you she’s pretty sanctimonious. She commented “furhag” on one of Jonathan’s Instagram posts because he was wearing fur, and that six letter word set him off enough to spam her Instagram with vitriolic comments.
@jonathancheban trolled my IG to tell me, I’m ugly for wearing glasses, I need lip injections, I need a chin implant, I’m the worst looking vegan alive and I’m fat. If I’m all those things, maybe he should be the one wearing glasses? I can’t believe @kimkardashian is BFF’s with this guy? What if North grows up and doesn’t want to get any plastic surgery like me? Would he say the same things to her? The Kardashian brand should not be about putting down women based on their looks and he is part of their brand. He is on their reality show and apart of Kim’s Hollywood game. People need to call this guy out on body shaming. We are all beautiful just the way we are. . . . . . . . #bodyshaming #jonathancheban #simonhuck #kimkardashian #kimkardashianwest #khloekardashian #northwest #kourtneykardashian #scottdisick #krisjenner #coreygamble #kuwtk #vegan #vegangirl #compassion #ethical #blacchyna #robkardashian #kyliejenner #kendalljenner #perezhilton @theperezhilton @theshaderoom #theshaderoom #stephshep @steph_shep #rumer #robshirakbari
Look, we all know vegans are preachy and lifestyle bloggers are preachy, so when you get a vegan lifestyle blogger, it’s bound to make you kind of insufferable. But think about it: Jonathan Cheban made a vegan lifestyle blogger appear likable and sympathetic in this scenario. What does that say about how insufferable he is?
Basically Everyone On Twitter Who Says His Name
In case you haven’t noticed, a large majority of these people don’t even tag Jonathan to get blocked by him. He will even go to petty lengths to like tweets that take shots at him.
Imagine being so creepy and universally hated that you search your name on twitter to passive aggressively like tweets about you that you aren’t even tagged in. Imagine spending your precious free time doing that shit. pic.twitter.com/qiG5GA3Rcp
— Millie (@milliebeemoore) April 7, 2018
Images: Josh Arnold; Kevin Moran; Millie Moore; Kevinwhatsgood, frynaomifry (2), milliebeemoore (3), norisblackbook / Twitter; sophisticatedvegan / Instagram
Even though they have a reality show empire, they’ve monopolized the tabloids, they’ve taken over every social media feed, and they each have their own apps, there is still no way to stay on top of all the Kardashians’ theatrics. This family overshares to the point where they oversaturate the media and yet there’s still underlying drama that you probably haven’t picked up on. That just makes America’s real royal family all the more intriguing (suck it, Kennedys!). And where do we first go to get a glimpse of at least some of the hidden (teenage) dramz? Instagram, of course! Here’s some petty drama you may have missed but need to know in order to really say you Keep Up with the Kardashians.
Literally no one in the Kardashian/Jenner family is following Travis Scott, except for Kylie and Kendall. Does that mean that even the Kardashians think Kylie’s relationship with a rapper who got her pregnant two months after dating won’t last? Shadyyyyy. Another juicy tidbit: Blac Chyna is following Travis but not Kylie—guess she’s still not over the fact that she dated Tyga.
My thorough researching brought me to the findings that nearly the entire Kardashian family follows the Lord. On the one hand, that’s not that surprising considering Scott is the best person to come out of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. On the other hand, he was (and still is) a huge douche to one of their own, so you’d think there would be some Kardashian family loyalty here. There is not. The Kardashians’ estranged stepbrothers, Brandon and Brody, follow Scott. AND, all the Kar-Jenners follow Scott except for Kourtney and Khloé. But here’s the best part: Literally everyone in that family follows Scott, yet he follows none of them back. Is that supposed to be a power move of some sort? Sure looks like it. Kourtney is THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN, Scott. The least you could do is throw her a follow.
All the Jenners follow Caitlyn, obvi. The sole Kardashian to follow Caitlyn is Kim, even though Kim has been vocal about her disappointment in Caitlyn and how she doesn’t see reconciliation in the near future. Then again, Kim is the most concerned with keeping up appearances, so perhaps following Caitlyn is strictly a PR move—or maybe she likes to hate-follow. Caitlyn, in turn, follows all the Kardashians and Jenners—except for Kris, of course. No surprises there.
Sofia follows Scott, and the closest Scott came to following her back was when he followed a Sofia Richie fan account that he thought belonged to her. He has since unfollowed and never ended up following HIS OWN GIRLFRIEND. Also, Sofia posts pics of them together all the time, but he really only ever posts pics of her onto his Instagram story. Sounds like a really healthy relationship. Interestingly enough, Kylie and Sofia follow each other. It’s pretty obvious that Kylie is the least family oriented out of all of them and is just doing her, so it’s not shocking that she’s following her sister’s ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend. Wow, that was a doozy to type out. This family is so fucked.
Only. Kourtney. Follows. Younes. How pathetic. The only other person out of everyone here who followed Younes at one point? Sofia Richie. Yes, at one point, the underage rebounds were following each other. Let’s not forget that Kourtney rebounded from Scott with Justin Bieber, who is Sofia’s ex. So as a rebuttal, Scott rebounded with Sofia, and then Kourtney decided to date one of Sofia’s really good friends. Because of all this messiness, Sofia and Younes have since unfollowed each other. But it’s especially interesting that no one in the Kardashian family follows Younes, even though the couple celebrated their anniversary last week. The family (with the exception of Kim) even follow Tristan Thompson still, and he publicly cheated on pregnant Khloé multiple times! Clearly the Kardashians, just like all of us, know this relationship is BS. I guess they’re still holding out for a reunion between Scott and Kourtney. Come on, you know it’s going to happen eventually!
The entire Kar-Jenner Klan follows Jonathan, and of course he follows them all back because they’re literally the lifeblood of his career and the only connection that professional parasite has going for him. Interestingly, though, Jonathan follows Sofia Richie but not Scott. And actually, Sofia is the only Kardashian-adjacent significant other he is following—he’s not following Tristan or Younes. What does it all mean?? Is Jonathan keeping tabs on Sofia for Kourtney? That’s the theory I’ll be going with until further notice, and since Jonathan blocked Betches we have no way of confirming or denying this theory. Boom. Take that, “Food God”.
Images: Getty Images; Giphy (3)
We’re only one week into 2018, but we’ve already found what might be our favorite/least favorite thing of the year. It involves Jonathan Cheban eating pizza, and we’re dying.
Jonathan, who’s previously best known for being Kim Kardashian’s closeted sidekick, has decided that he’s going to be called “foodgod” from now on. It’s probably the most unqualified a person’s ever been for a job since I filed a few documents at my dad’s office for $20 one time and proceeded to put “legal assistant” on my resume. Someone at the New York Post
is getting paid to indulge Jonathan’s every whim also believes in this new persona for Jonathan, so Page Six followed him to a pizza place called Krave It in Queens, where he spent some time harassing customers and acting like a fool.
Jonathan doesn’t seem to have any real ties to food other than that he loves to eat it, and if that’s all it takes to make you a god, you can call me the Cheese, Wine, Tequila, and Pizza Rolls God. There’s nothing worse than that friend who acts like they’re a world-renowned food critic because they like to take shitty pictures of their brunch. Like, sit down Becky, you’re not Padma Lakshmi.
Before we get into the plot of the video—if you can call it that—we need to discuss the production first. The footage of Jon eating the various pizzas is frequently interrupted by these weird interludes of cheesy metal music with a guy whispering “Food God” laid over it that Jonathan definitely scored himself. It’s like he typed “cool guy music instrumentals” into Google and chose the first track that came up. Also, he definitely uses Comic Sans in his captions. Somebody needs to tell Jonathan this isn’t 2003.
Jon tries his hand at twirling pizza dough, which he’s fucking horrible at, and he shows off his diamond pizza slice necklace, which we probably could have paid our rent for the next three months with. He also goes around the restaurant asking a bunch of confused diners if they know who he is, and the results are, um, mixed. Two girls recognize him right away, but the rest of the people are literally like, “get the fuck away from me.”
Here’s an actual moment from this video. Jonathan stops mid-bite of his pizza to accost two poor girls who are just trying to eat. “I was on a very big television show for 10 years,” he says to them as if Keeping Up With The Kardashians were his own show, “but now I’m the foodgod and all I do is eat, 365 days a year.” Yeah, Jonathan, so do most people who are not starving.
We can’t say we love “foodgod,” but honestly if Jonathan keeps making an ass of himself we will continue to watch. Okay, now I want pizza.
Watch the whole video below, if you can make it through the whole thing.
Jonathan Cheban, professional friend of Kim Kardashian, is not one to be messed with. We know this because we once made the mistake of writing and publishing an article called “A List Of Questions We Have For Jonathan Cheban After Stalking His Instagram.” Jonathan did not like that, and we promptly got blocked. If we have a famous hater, does that make us famous? IDK. But we’re not the only ones who’ve felt the wrath of The Cheban on social media—just ask some random guy named Trevor who made the mistake of mentioning Jonathan on Twitter. It’s important to note that he didn’t even tag The Chebs (my new nickname for Jonathan that he’ll probably hate and then end up blocking me over); he just mentioned his name in a tweet. Jonathan must either have Google alerts set on his phone to let him know everytime someone mentions his name, or else he has a Twitter mentions intern, because he is incredibly thorough. Jonathan Cheban like the Bloody Mary of social media: If you say his name, he will appear.
So anyway, this guy Trevor wrote a joke on Twitter, as one does:
LOL, classic Trevor.
I did a quick .2 second Google search and deduced that Above Average, where the article quoted in the tweet comes from, is a comedy website. But I mean, I didn’t even need to do that, seeing as anyone with a functioning frontal lobe could reasonably conclude that a rat is not earnestly employed by Kanye West to chew holes in his Yeezy clothing line. (But if one is, I want his job.)
Most times when you tweet at a celebrity you don’t expect a response, but Jonathan Cheban is no average celebrity. In some screen shots we were emailed by one of Trevor’s friends, Jonathan clapped back in a DM. I would like to note here that we did not verify the authenticity of said DM, because we’re not fucking CSI. Also I would have messaged Jonathan on Twitter and ask him to verify the tweet, but like I said, he blocked us. Anyway, buckle the fuck up, because this was Jon’s response to this (fairly innocuous and admittedly funny) joke:
Like, whoa. Way harsh, Jon. I appreciate that he’s taken a page out of Chad “I’ll buy your family and make them my family” Johnson’s Twitter feud playbook, but damn. I would insert my commentary, but honestly, this message speaks for itself.
And in case you were wondering (I know I was), Jonathan Cheban does actually own multiple companies, including a clothing line, Kritik; a restaurant, Sushi MiKasa; a screen protector/mirror product called Glam Screen; an entertainment and lifestyle website called The Dishh; and a fast food restaurant called Burger Bandit that I am told has some of the best burgers in Lynbrook, Long Island. All of that information came straight from Wikipedia and not a direct threat I just received from the Cheban camp, BTW.
So I guess the lesson here is if you come for Jonathan Cheban, you best not miss. Now if you’ll all join me in a brief moment of silence for our Twitter mentions. RIP.