This morning, the nominations were announced for the 62nd Annual GRAMMY Awards, which means awards season has officially begun. As expected, many of this year’s biggest stars cleaned up in the top categories, with Billie Eilish and Lizzo included in all of the big four categories, and Ariana Grande and Lana Del Rey scoring their first Album of the Year nominations. Lizzo is the artist with the most nominations this year, which is undeniably well-deserved. Even “Old Town Road” got a Record of the Year nomination, which is a good thing, because I was gonna riot if Lil Nas X got snubbed.
But even though the nominations went according to plan for a lot of major artists, there are some others who are probably rage texting their managers/agents/publicists right now. Some of them are more surprising than others, but here’s who got snubbed in this year’s GRAMMY nominations.
Over the course of her career, Taylor Swift has basically been the teacher’s pet of the GRAMMYs. She’s won 10 awards, including two for Album of the Year, but this wasn’t really her year. For her new album, Lover, she came away with three nominations, including one for Song of the Year, but missed out on Album and Record of the Year—the two biggest categories. Considering that her last album, Reputation, only got one nomination, this is still an improvement, but it’s a far cry from 1989, which got a total of 10 nominations for all its songs.
Another year has passed, and Halsey has still never gotten a GRAMMY nomination for her own song (she’s been nominated twice as a featured artist). After “Without Me” became her biggest solo hit to date, I felt sure that this would be her year, but it wasn’t meant to be. Her next album will be out in January, and her songs “Graveyard” and “Clementine” missed the eligibility window for this year’s awards, so I’m sure she already has her prayer candles lit for next year.
Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello
Despite “Señorita” being one of the biggest songs of the year, and their intense awards campaign of making out in public places, Shawn and Camila fell flat in this year’s GRAMMY nominations. They were nominated for Best Pop Duo/Group Performance, but weren’t included in Record or Song of the Year. Maybe now they can give their PR stunt of a relationship a rest?? Shawn was also probably hoping for nominations for “If I Can’t Have You,” which didn’t happen. Sad!
Okay, so maybe I was foolish to hope that the Jonas Brothers were going to get an Album of the Year nomination, but I’m a little surprised that “Sucker” didn’t sneak into Record of the Year. Like Shawn and Camila, they were only nominated for Pop Duo/Group Performance, which I guess is a small victory. If you had told me a year ago that the Jonas Brothers would be noninated for a GRAMMY in 2020, I literally wouldn’t have believed you. Still, I wanted more for them. Oh well, they’ll always have their Teen Choice Awards surfboards.
If you didn’t remember that Beyoncé released an album this year, low-key same. But her The Lion King: The Gift album actually got four nominations. For anyone else, this would basically be a dream scenario, but Beyoncé isn’t like anyone else. Along with last year’s joint album with Jay-Z, this is the second year in a row that Bey hasn’t gotten noms in the big four categories. I’m not saying The Gift was her absolute best work, but Beyoncé isn’t used to being relegated to the genre categories.
Ed Sheeran’s collaborations album had about 100 famous people on it, but the GRAMMY nominations voters weren’t impressed. He was nominated for Pop Vocal Album, but literally nothing else. Even Justin Bieber’s appearance on “I Don’t Care” wasn’t en0ugh for a single nomination. Now that Ed is taking an 18-month hiatus from music, I guess he’ll be absent from the GRAMMY nominations for the next couple of years, but it looks like the voters won’t even miss him that much.
This year’s GRAMMY Awards are on January 26th, so you have a couple months to make your final predictions. Personally, my bets are on a Lizzo sweep, but who knows if all the old people who actually vote for this sh*t will do what they should. And honestly, it’s not like it matters all that much. Cheers!
I really never anticipated that I would be thinking about the Jonas Brothers this much in 2019, but life is crazy sometimes. Obviously, everyone was losing their minds when they released their comeback single “Sucker,” but things aren’t slowing down. Just in the past 24 hours, they announced their first tour in nearly a decade, performed at the Billboard Music Awards, and had a wedding. That’s right, Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner tied the knot last night in Las Vegas, after attending the BBMAs together. We’ve got the Game of Thrones predictions on lock this season, but this was one plot twist we definitely didn’t see coming.
Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner have been together since late 2016, and they first announced their engagement in October of 2017. That’s a pretty long engagement, but we had no idea when the wedding was coming. This honestly makes sense, because Sophie Turner seems like one of the chillest people in Hollywood. She’s quickly become one of my favorite people, thanks to her DGAF attitude on social media, and this legendary chug seen around the world:
Sansa can hang. The details of Sophie and Joe’s low-key Vegas wedding are pretty amazing, especially considering this is less than six months after Joe’s brother Nick Jonas married Priyanka Chopra in one of the most extra weddings the world has ever seen. But to each their own, and Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner just wanted a Vegas wedding officiated by an Elvis impersonator. Works for me. There definitely wasn’t a People exclusive for this wedding, but luckily Instagram still gave us a closer look at this sacred occasion. Specifically, Diplo documented much of the evening on his IG Story, before he left for his DJ set at a club. Diplo, an ultimate icon.
Looks like Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas are getting married!! pic.twitter.com/zSW17g5cHC
— Myeisha Essex (@MyeishaEssex) May 2, 2019
At the ceremony, country duo Dan + Shay performed an acoustic version of their song “Speechless,” because casual. I would’ve preferred an acoustic rendition of “Tequila,” but for some reason no one consulted me on the music choice. Rude. In the video, you can see Sophie and Joe exchange Ring Pops, and honestly this is the kind of beautiful wedding tradition I’m here for. Who needs diamonds when you can have delicious candy?
It’s unclear if Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner will have any kind of a bigger wedding celebration, but this intimate, random ceremony feels pretty appropriate for such a fun couple. At the very least, I hope they have time for a kickass honeymoon before Joe gets busy with tour rehearsals. Wherever they go, I just hope that Sophie doesn’t forget to post hilarious Instagram stories while they’re there. Her stories are basically the only thing getting me through at this point, so I need this. Sansa Stark might not be one of the G0T characters with big d*ck energy, but Sophie definitely does.
Sadly, this means that all three of the Jonas Brothers are officially off the market, closing an important (imaginary) chapter of my life that started when I was in middle school. Kevin, Joe, Nick, I’ll always love you guys. Well, Kevin not so much, but it felt rude to leave him out. Now, if you want to bag a Jonas brother, your only hope is 18-year-old Frankie, also known as the Bonus Jonas. Ew. Congrats to Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner, I feel like a proud parent.
Images: @betches, @sophiet / Instagram; @MyeishaEssex / Twitter
The winter months are finally behind us, and we are entering into the most beautiful season of the year. Wedding season! There’s almost always an open bar, shrimp cocktail, and the potential you’ll make out with your step-cousin. What’s not to love? In fact, I’m currently looking forward to my brother’s wedding, where, with the help of my unlimited Bar Method membership, I plan on outshining everyone and calling it “Cait’s Big Day.” See! These things are fun!
But I hate to break it to you: no matter how awesome your sorority sister Deborah’s all-inclusive Cabo nuptials were, they were a mere dumpster fire compared to the opulent events that celebrities throw for their weddings . I guess when you made a billion dollars on a sex tape, why not get married in a castle for the publicity to celebrate the third time you found your true love? It doesn’t make a mockery of the sanctity of marriage at all! This year, the main event we’re all waiting for this year is the marriage of the King and Queen of Extra, J.Lo and A-Rod, where I’m sure as a party trick they’ll have Instagram models lighting stacks of hundreds on fire, and serve champagne spiked with liquid gold. But since we don’t know exactly when that’s coming, I’ve decided to take a look back at the most expensive celebrity weddings of all time. Proceed with caution, because these numbers have been known to cause extreme jealousy and even rage blackouts.
1. Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra
You can’t mention extravagant weddings and leave out our most recent gluttonous celebrants, The Hottest Jonas Brother ™ and his Bollywood star bride, Priyanka Chopra. Nick and Priyanka had not one, not two, but THREE wedding ceremonies, all in the hopes of luring Duchess Meghan to just one, but apparently she was busy making Kate Middleton cry or whatever. Kidding! I mean, not kidding about the three weddings, I would never joke about something like that. I’m kidding about them trying to trap Meghan Markle into coming, I’m sure they know she already dropped them faster than ABC dropped Quantico.
One of the weddings (don’t ask me which one, I’m already exhausted from this story and I have numerous disgustingly ostentatious weddings to go), took place at the Umaid Bahwan Palace, a royal palace-turned-hotel in India, which costs $60,000 a night. They also put on a fireworks display and wore custom Ralph Lauren designed outfits. I know you’re wondering, “Did poor Nick Jonas have to spend all his Camp Rock money on this wedding?” and the answer is a resounding NO! Thankfully, our lovely couple got practically the whole thing covered by sponsorships including Tiffany & Co, Longchamp, and Elit Vodka. I hope you all are able to get sponsors for you own weddings, because is it even true love if you aren’t getting paid for it?
2. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries
TBH I totally forgot Kris Humphries existed until last week, when he decided it was important to let the world know he is the proud owner of a Five Guys franchise. Congrats! This revelation really just made me hungry, but it also got him into this story, so I guess he can call it a win?
In case you also forgot about Kris, let me refresh your memory. His wedding to Kim reportedly cost $10 million, $20K of which was spent on the cake that they all enjoyed, and then they immediately went to their plastic surgeon and had the fat the cake left on their waistline injected into their asses. I’m just speculating, but we all know it’s plausible. This wedding is especially fun because it involves math! If you spent $10 million on a wedding that last 72 days, how much did that cost you per day? Probably more than Kris’s Five Guys franchise will ever take in, that’s for sure. (It’s actually $138,888.88 per day, if you’re seriously curious).
3. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
After Kris Humphries, Kim decided she needed a more famous husband fell in love with longtime friend Kanye West. So, in typical girl-with-no-shame fashion, she decided to throw yet another obscenely expensive wedding.
Kim and Kanye got married in Italy at the Forte di Belvedere, which cost over $300,000 to rent. There was a performance from Andrea Bocelli, and her gown was Givenchy Haute Couture. Okay, now listen hard, because this is the only nice thing I’m ever going to say about Kim Kardashian: I kind of liked her dress. Now excuse me while I go burst into flames. Anyway, the lovely couple was married amongst their friends and family, except for Rob, who deemed himself too fat to attend. If only we could all use that excuse Rob, IF ONLY. When all was said and done, the event cost around $2.8 million, according to E! Online. That sounds atrocious, but TBH the cost per day is WAY less than her wedding to Kris Humphries, so it was practically a bargain.
4. George and Amal Clooney
When the ultimate bachelor announced his engagement, the world was stunned. Everyone thought that George would grow old with his motorcycle and Max, his potbellied pig. But he gave it all up to eventually run for office marry a gorgeous British human rights attorney. Fine, if you had to settle, George, I guess she’ll do.
The pair got married in Venice, with their A-list guests arriving by boat and looking every bit the movie stars they are. Everyone stayed in Cipriani hotel suites that cost a reported $3 million, and George looked dapper in his Giorgio Armani tux, while Amal wore a custom Oscar de la Renta gown, which she showed off on the cover of People magazine. The whole event cost over $4.5 million, and that doesn’t even include all the Casamigos Tequila that I’m sure George provided at no cost.
5. Prince William and Kate Middleton
Finally, we get to the royalty! The parents of the most badass member of the monarchy, Prince George, got married on April 29, 2011. Their wedding is unique because most things didn’t actually cost money. The castle for the reception? Oh no biggie, they own it. The tiara? A loaner from the Queen’s personal collection. Kate’s makeup? Oh, the future Queen consort will do it herself, thanks. So why the f*ck did this wedding cost a reported $34 million? SECURITY. That’s right! A whopping $32 million was spent to keep this event secure. And I guess it was worth it? All members of the royal family (as well as Pippa’s iconic backside) survived the event and have lived on to bless the world with their beautiful offspring, mediocre fashion, and petty family fights.
So there you have it, all the
sh*t celebrities waste money on for marriages that probably won’t last most expensive celebrity weddings. I wish there had been more circus performances and puppies serving appetizers to report on, but if that happened, no one is telling me. Fingers crossed J.Lo will do it!
Images: Giphy (2); priyankachopra, kimkardashian, about_clooneys, katemiddletonphotos/Instagram
I think most people would agree that dating can be a total pain in the ass. It can be lonely and tedious trying to wade through everyone out there, just trying to find one good match. But if you’re lucky, you have some ride or die friends that are always trying to help you out. Whether my friends are setting me up with someone they know or helping me evaluate my matches on Ship, I need all the help I can get.
If you’re skeptical about the idea of your friends getting involved in your dating life, I get it. But maybe it’s a good idea to let them help you. Lots of your favorite celebrity couples have been set up through friends, and you might not even realize it. Here are some of our favorite examples:
Nick Jonas & Priyanka Chopra
When Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra first went public with their relationship last year, it seemed super random. Little did we know, there’s one surprising person at the center of their relationship: The Rock. Yes, like Dwayne Johnson. In 2017, Priyanka worked with The Rock on the Baywatch remake, and then Nick worked with him the next year in Jumanji.I’m not sure how much The Rock really played matchmaker here, but he did say that he’ll take credit “if they’re happy.”
Joe Jonas & Sophie Turner
Nick isn’t the only Jonas Brother who got a little romantic help from a friend. In 2016, Joe’s band DNCE did a song with Hailee Steinfeld, who is friends with Sophie Turner. Hailee revealed that Sophie texted her asking about Joe, and she gave her his number and the green light to go for it. Now Sophie is chugging drinks at sporting events and generally seems very happy, so her bold text definitely paid off.
Taylor Swift & Calvin Harris
This relationship wasn’t meant to be, but it was fun while it lasted. Back in 2015, Taylor and Calvin were first introduced by mutual friend (and fellow famous singer) Ellie Goulding. Ellie said that they’re both “really awesome and really tall,” so she thought they would make a great couple. And they did…for a while.
Cameron Diaz & Benji Madden
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Happy Birthday Baby❤️ There’s so much to write, so many things that make me so proud of you and how special you are?Thank you for being the best friend and partner to me and taking this journey of Marriage. The way you live your life everyday, and your compassion for the world shines thru in your eyes and you inspire me to want to be the best man I can be in this lifetime. You’re the realest. I’m so grateful to be yours Always&Forever, and to call you my One&Only. True Love ❤️
Cameron Diaz has been married to Benji Madden since 2015, and Nicole Richie happily takes credit for it. Nicole is married to Benji’s brother Joel, and she says that she’s “a devoted sister-in-law.” Someone please tell me how I can get into this family, because I really want to go to Thanksgiving with Nicole and Cameron.
John Krasinski & Emily Blunt
Truly, I think these two are one of the cutest couples in Hollywood. They also work well together, considering I’ve had to sleep with a white noise machine ever since I saw A Quiet Place. Turns out, they were set up on a blind date in 2008 by none other than Anne Hathaway. John said he wasn’t looking for a relationship at the time, but it was love at first sight when he met Emily.
Jennifer Aniston & Justin Theroux
Jennifer Aniston is one of the most famous and beautiful people in the world, but even pretty people can appreciate some help from a friend. Surprisingly, she was introduced to her ex Justin Theroux by Robert Downey Jr. This seems like, very random, but I guess it’s proof that love can happen in literally any way.
Meghan Markle & Prince Harry
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Their Royal Highnesses The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are very pleased to announce that The Duchess of Sussex is expecting a baby in the Spring of 2019. Their Royal Highnesses have appreciated all of the support they have received from people around the world since their wedding in May and are delighted to be able to share this happy news with the public. ?PA
This is the setup that made women all over the world question the dedication and loyalty of their friends. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex were set up by a mystery mutual friend, and Meghan insists she didn’t really know anything about Harry before meeting him. She’s always said the only thing she asked was “Is he nice?,” which is what my mom asks me when she brings up a guy I went on one date with six months ago.
So you might not have A-list movie star friends to set you up on dates with other A-list movie stars, but that’s not really the point. Dating isn’t always fun, and having your friends in the picture can make it a little more enjoyable, and improve your results. Rather than wasting your time (and mental energy) alone on the apps, let your friends in your Ship crew do the heavy lifting for you. Maybe you’ll meet your Prince Harry (if you do, please tell him to slide in my DMs), or at least someone decent who won’t ignore your texts.
Images: Shutterstock; @priyankachopra, @joejonas, @calvinharris, @benjaminmadden, @johnkrasinski, @justintheroux, @kensingtonroyal / Instagram
Apparently I wasn’t the only one to blackout over Memorial Day Weekend and make questionable decisions with a guy who told me he was “basically 21,” because Priyanka Chopra from TV’s Quantico just stepped out with Nick Jonas, and it is a lot for me to digest. That’s right, people, 25-year-old Nick “I Lost My Purity Ring” Jonas is supposedly dating 35-year-old Priyanka Chopra after they were spotted together at a Dodgers game last weekend. To be fair, I also take the kids I babysit to baseball games sometimes so, like, it’s not super solid evidence. But the two of them have been spending a weird amount of time together, so I guess I’ll buy into it. For now.
For those of you who left thoughts of Nick Jonas back in 2010 along with your Delia’s gift card and the Hannah Montana finale, this actually isn’t the first time Nick’s been romantically linked to an older woman. Which got me thinking, is Nick Jonas into cougars? Is the boy behind prolific lines like “I’ve been to the year 3000” and “not much has changed but they lived under water” that defined our generation, somehow seducing mature, grown-ass women?? These are the questions that keep me up at night. Clearly, this is a case for
the FBI me and my creative writing degree which I shall treat like it’s a journalism degree. So buckle up, betches, because it’s time to take a deep dive into the psyche of a Joe Bro.
For someone who got famous for
his talent and artistic drive being a hot virgin, Nick has had a lot of fucking girlfriends over the years. Like, way more than his covers on Tiger Beat ever alluded to being possible. Nick’s cougar fetish goes way back to 2011, when he dated Delta Goodrem, an Australian singer (??), for 10 months. Delta was a solid 27 years old at the time of their courtship, while Nick was only 18. EIGHT-FUCKING-TEEN. When I was 18 I was still getting drunk off of wine coolers and buying my “lingerie” from American Eagle. I was certainly not banging Australian singers old enough to be my legal guardian. In an interview with 60 Minutes, Delta said this of their relationship:
“Maybe it’s that I’m interested in challenges. Maybe I’m one of these spirits who goes, ‘Ooh, what is this lesson here? What am I learning here?’ … There was a genuine love, definitely.”
Okay, I have so many questions here. First of all, why is 60 Minutes trying to get to the bottom of a Disney star’s sex life? I mean, I know I’m doing the same thing here, but I also spend 30-45 minutes a day searching Bughead fan accounts on Instagram, so it’s not like I’m the best at using my time wisely, ya feel me? Secondly, WHAT IS SO CHALLENGING ABOUT DATING AN 18-YEAR-OLD? Other than trying to convince the bouncer at the bar where your friends are that his fake ID is real? Also, I would love to know the life lessons Nick fucking Jonas taught this woman who was almost pushing 30. Please enlighten me, Delta.
Moving on. Nick also had a “fling” with Kate Hudson back in 2016. As we all know, “fling” is the celebrity code word for “definitely banged a few times.” When I first heard this news I was shocked, because Kate is 13 years older than little Nicky and also a mother of two. I’m not sure if Kate was having some sort of mid-life crisis in which she suddenly had a burning desire to seduce the star of her son’s favorite Disney program, but somehow it happened. Then again, maybe Nick has some sort of secret game that I’m not aware of??
Christ. Maybe not.
Nick told Ellen Degeneres that he’d been on a group date with an unnamed older actress but “it wasn’t a date”, which is funny because that’s the exact same line I use when my Hinge date tries to split the bill. He later confirmed their
booty call relationship in an interview with Complex magazine when he all but admitted that he definitely banged Kate Hudson. And by that I mean he said this:
“Out of my best effort to respect her and her privacy, I’m not going to say if we had sex or not. But we did have a beautiful connection…. She’s amazing.”
I rest my fucking case.
The last piece of evidence I’ll present to the
court 5-10 friends I’ve blackmailed into reading all of my articles is this: Last week, Nick tried to slide into Jenna Dewan’s DMs. After the Billboard Music Awards, Jenna posted an Instagram photo with the caption “Billboard Awards- ‘twas such a fun night!!!” Nick commented on her photo with this flirtatious comeback:
‘TWAS. ‘TWASN’T IT.
First of all, I’d just like to say that you, sir, are ballsy. Not only is Jenna 12 years older than Nick, but she’s also been on the market for all of five minutes, and I’m sure
my her heart is still mending from the devastating break up with the love of my her life, Channing Tatum. LET THE WOMAN BREATHE, NICKY. To be fair, he also liked a shit ton of photos that his ex-girlfriend, Olivia Culpo, posted that night as well, so it’s unclear as to if he was actually flirting with Jenna or if he just had a hefty amount of Pinot Grigio and wanted to connect with someone. Who can say. All I know is it ‘TWAS very suspicious.
So there you have it: definitive proof that Nick Jonas
has more mommy issues than Ariel Winter is into cougars. And by “definitive proof,” I mean vague assumptions I’ve made based on the internet rumors surrounding his sex life. Obviously. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to spend the rest of the day trying to unsee the The Jonas Brothers’ flat-ironed curls circa 2007 that have now been seared into my brain thanks to this investigation.
Images: Giphy (2); @commentsbycelebs /Instagram (1)
In the late 90s and early 2000s, the Jonas Brothers achieved shocking levels of fame via two means: mediocre-but-catchy pop bangers implicitly about sex, and explicitly not talking about sex in public. Their whole “purity ring” schtick won them the stamp of approval from parents who slept soundly knowing that the wholesome young musicians to whom their teenage daughters were masturbating would never do the same thing.
But 15+ years later, how do you resurrect a career when your former fanbase has grown to realize the tingly feelings in their no-no zones were the work of biology, not satan? Little JoBro Nick built a lucrative career writing songs about how he’d totally beat up any guy who looks at you funny (corollary: must be no larger than 5’7″, 150 lbs). Kevin is, and always has been, irrelevant (or so I’m told by my female friends). But middle JoBro Joe? He’s dusting off the old playbook. His band, DNCE, still implies sex in their songs—except now they just couch it in hip millenniulz nonsense innuendo like “cake by the ocean.” As for the not talking about sex in public thing, he’s traded the purity ring for whatever, uh…. this is.
I’ve been staring at this photo of a perpetually 16-year-old Joe Jonas and Sansa Stark for like 2 hours now, and the whole thing is so self-evidently absurd that I’m still struggling to formulate a take. Gay jokes aren’t ok or funny anymore, but between Tim Tebow and now Joe Jonas, his ex-gf Olivia Culpo is quickly earning a reputation of being the Hot Girl Who Dates Guys Who Won’t Fuck. People are going to start asking questions, is all I’m saying. Sophie Turner is now one date with Aaron Rodgers away from being in similar territory.
Also, how does the message written on her hand come into being? Was it her idea, or his? Does he know it’s there? Does she know it’s there? If this was a planned event (and everything is for people grasping at the fringes of A-list status), how did that conversation go?
JOE: Hey Sophie, you know I’m a man’s man who puts the good sex into beautiful females, right?
SANSA: Aye Joseph, yiv told me a many toyms now.
JOE: Right, so… Would you be willing to, uh, communicate that to the world? It’d reinforce that I’m a strong human with powerful male sex organs who does phenomenal whoopie-making on other humans who are attractive because of their soft female reproductive parts. Plus, it would make you seem more “grown up” to your fans.
SANSA: Oy, of carse Joe.
JOE: Why are you Irish now?
So yeah, I dunno what to make of Joe Jonas being (apparently) so good in the sack that Sophie Turner decided to coyly advertise it on the back of her hand.
You know what? I bet his stupid band has a stupid new single coming out called “Good Good,” and this is all just a publicity ploy. If that’s the case, I’m throwing my computer into the fucking ocean, no cake necessary.
Head Pro gets down to Jonas bros. music, and will sell parts of his body to say so for a small fee. Email him at [email protected].