It was a big weekend in the Bravo universe, as Joe Giudice was finally released from ICE custody and returned to Italy. Before he even got off the plane, his eldest daughter Gia posted a FaceTime selfie, which was the first photo we’ve seen of Joe since 2016, and no one could stop talking about his dramatic weight loss transformation. Joe is now in Italy with his brother and other family members, and Gia has been posting excitedly about going to visit in a few weeks.
But with Joe in Italy, likely permanently, fans are wondering what this means for his marriage to Teresa. Are they going to split, or stick it out? Will Teresa move to Italy and start an international Real Housewives franchise?
Over the weekend, Radar Online reported that Teresa will travel to Italy with her daughters in the first week of November, and they’ll be bringing the RHONJ production crew along. Teresa is reportedly getting a large bonus for filming these extra scenes, and as a fan of the show, I’m definitely glad that we’ll get to see the family reunion. But after Teresa does the big reunion and collects her Bravo check, I think it’s time for her and Joe to seriously reevaluate things. I’m glad that he’s free from ICE custody and will get to see his daughters, but that doesn’t mean I’m rooting for Joe and Teresa to pull through as a couple.
We’ve watched Joe and Teresa’s story unfold for over a decade on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and a lot has happened in that time. We’ve seen it all, from the birth of their youngest daughter, to financial ups and downs, and of course, the legal troubles that led to both of them spending time behind bars. But even in their better times, their marriage has been far from perfect. During the show’s fourth season, the cast was on a trip to Napa Valley when Joe left the table to take a phone call. We still don’t know who the call was from, but it really seems like it was another woman. On the phone, he called Teresa bitch and a c*nt, which is obviously not okay.
After the infamous phone call, Teresa threatened to leave him if the behavior continued, but she also made excuses for him, telling In Touch magazine that Joe was “stressed after a crazy week.” Yeah, that’s not a good enough reason to call your wife the C-word, buddy. Over the next few years, we watched as Teresa was dragged into Joe’s legal issues, which ultimately caused her to serve 11 months in prison. On RHONJ, Teresa acknowledged that her husband’s mistakes had put the family in a bad place, but she always stood by him. That is, until last season.
While Joe was away serving his prison sentence, a couple of things happened. First, rumors started swirling that Teresa was living a new life, dating a younger man and focused on moving on from Joe. But more importantly, it started to look more and more likely that Joe wouldn’t be coming home once he had done his time. On last season’s reunion, though she denied the rumors of a new boyfriend, Teresa told Andy Cohen for the first time that she “is not doing a long-distance relationship,” and that the only way she would move to Italy is if her daughters told her they wanted to go.
This was a major development at the time, because it represented a shift in the way Teresa talked about her marriage. Before, she had always brushed off the issues, and maintained that she and Joe were going to make things work no matter what. But as the threat of deportation became more real, she started to sound more realistic about the way things were actually going to happen. After watching Teresa for nine seasons, it’s not a stretch to say that Teresa can be a little delusional about things in her life, but she finally was saying things that made perfect sense given the situation.
But now that Joe is actually free, I have to wonder how things will actually shake out. Conveniently, the new season of RHONJ premieres in just a few weeks, so we won’t have to wait long to see how Teresa has handled the last year of waiting to find out Joe’s fate. Has she been living like a single woman, or holding on to the possibility that Joe might be coming home? Leaving a marriage is a major decision, but for Teresa’s sake, I hope that she has the strength to move forward with her best life, and I don’t think that includes a husband who is 4,000 miles away (and also might not be that great of a guy). Teresa and Joe have been through a lot on this crazy journey, but there’s no shame in calling it quits, especially given the circumstances.
Images: Shutterstock; _giagiudice / Instagram; Giphy
The ladies of The Real Housewives are the gifts that keep on giving. I love the franchise because it’s a space where women are not only allowed, but encouraged, to be unabashedly themselves. Many are quick to dismiss the show as frivolous and superficial, but for me and my fellow Bravoholics it’s a fascinating sociological study on what it means to be a woman in today’s world. This inevitably gives us a glimpse into the men our gals choose, and more often than not, the results are pure, unadulterated trash not pretty. Because I’m a glutton for punishment, I ventured into the deepest, darkest depths of House Husband Hell and compiled a list of the most garbage men to grace our screens over the years.
9. Bill Aydin
Bill is a relatively new addition to The Real Housewives of New Jersey, but he immediately made an impression with his condescending attitude towards his wife, Jennifer, and insistence that she stay at home with their children at all times. Jennifer memorably had to ask Bill for permission to go on a “girls’ trip” (in other words, do her job), a request that displeased her controlling traditional husband. This should end well.
8. Brooks Ayers
While not technically a husband (despite Vicki’s numerous attempts to make him fill her love tank), Brooks may as well have been one with the amount of screen time he took up during his tenure on The Real Housewives of Orange County. He immediately pinged fans’ creep radars when Vicki’s daughter Briana recounted that he sexually harassed her while she was pregnant. Brooks really cemented his status as the Dirty John of Bravo when it came out in season 10 that he perpetrated a cancer scam that Vicki was definitely *not* in on. Just thinking about him makes me want to take several showers.
7. Michael Darby
Ashley’s marriage to Michael was shaky even in the earlier seasons of The Real Housewives of Potomac, with the two arguing over their fledgling restaurant and having children together, culminating in a separation just two years ago. Unfortunately, Michael is looking even worse this season with allegations that he sexually assaulted a cameraman on the show. Despite the charges being dropped, more allegations persist. And now he and Ashley have a baby together, which won’t complicate things at all.
6. Jim Edmonds
This marriage always seemed suspect to me, not only because it was lucky number three for Jimbo, but also because he appeared completely and utterly checked out in every interaction with his wife. His abandonment of Meghan during her painful IVF treatments was particularly damning. Just when it seemed he couldn’t be more awful, news broke earlier this year about Jim’s involvement in a nude text message scandal in which, among other things, he was sexting a woman while Meghan was about to give birth to their twins. Inexplicably, they are still together.
My advice to Meghan:
5. Shane Simpson
There’s no way around it: Shane sucks. This human embodiment of the word “twerp,” as he was brilliantly called by castmate and certified genius Kelly Dodd, has been a walking wet blanket since his debut last season on The Real Housewives of Orange County. He threw Gina out of his home last season for being too loud during a party and proceeded to handle the aftermath with the same grace as a whiny toddler who’s been denied his binky. Shane has done nothing to redeem himself this season and can’t be bothered to hide his disdain snark in every scene with Emily, even going so far as to leave his family at home to escape to a hotel under the guise of “studying for the bar” (which he failed, btw). Instead of being grateful to his wife for singlehandedly taking care of their children and throwing a party for his parents in his absence, he snaps at her for disturbing him. Emily can do so much better.
4. Jason Hoppy
This is where the list really starts getting dark. Like many serial killers eligible men, Jason initially seemed like the dream guy Bethenny had been searching for her entire life. He supported her dreams and together they started the family she always wanted. For a while, it looked like Bethenny really did have it all. But cracks started to show in her spin-off Bethenny Ever After and it quickly became clear that Jason had a dark side he’d been hiding from the viewers. Once Bethenny filed for divorce, Jason fully unleashed his crazy by refusing to leave their apartment, threatening her, and bad-mouthing her to their daughter. Yikes.
3. David Beador
Seeing old footage of David Beador and his White Walker eyes still sends a chill down my spine. Shannon was completely humiliated when she revealed during season 10 of The Real Housewives of Orange County that David had a long-term affair. Though the pair did try to work through their problems, David’s attempts to reconcile always seemed forced and inauthentic. During season 11, Vicki alleged that David was physically abusive towards Shannon during their marriage. Though both David and Shannon denied any physical abuse, David was arrested for domestic battery years earlier. The stress of the allegations led Shannon to gain 40 pounds, and instead of supporting his wife during this difficult time, David began aggressively working out as if to mock her and would eat in front of her in a way that can only be described as hostile. Thankfully, Shannon divorced him.
2. Jim Marchese
Until I began preparing this list, I had somehow forgotten that this O.T. (Original Twerp) ever existed. Jim was hated by just about every cast member during his mercifully short run on The Real Housewives of New Jersey for getting in the women’s faces repeatedly like a rabid dog on crack and saying unspeakable things about his castmates. Jim has continued to reach new lows after his stint on the show. He revealed during his appearance with Amber on Marriage Bootcamp that he blamed her for getting cancer, was arrested shortly thereafter for felony domestic violence against Amber and, most recently, has been accused by his own son of refusing to continue paying his college tuition because he is gay. What a mensch.
1. Joe Giudice
It admittedly doesn’t get much worse than Jim Marchese, but Juicy Joe still reigns supreme as the worst of the worst husbands. The repeated rumors of infidelity were bad enough. Who could forget that uncomfortable scene where he was caught on camera talking to his mistress one of his workers and referring to Teresa as “my bitch wife” and a “c*nt”? But Joe cemented his status on this list by committing fraud and implicating Teresa, causing her to serve time in prison and miss out on valuable time with her mother, who died less than two years after her release. It’s unforgivable, but it does look like karma is coming for Joe and he’s probably getting deported.
Of course, this isn’t a complete list because choosing among the toxic men on these shows is an embarrassment of riches. There were many more I wanted to include (looking at you, Jim Bellino, Kelsey Grammer, Slade Smiley, Paul “Peekay” Kemsley and Simon Barney), but I can’t afford to quit my day job. Sound off in the comments with your worst House Husbands!
Images: Getty Images (7); Shutterstock (2); NBCU; Bravo; Giphy (2)
It’s no secret that we love to hate on Bravo. We talk about how miserable everyone on VPR is, and how fucking dumb and boring everyone on Southern Charm is, and yet, here we are, watching every trash heap Andy Cohen slings our way. Except Sweet Home Oklahoma. Even I’m not that loyal. And while most time the HBICs of Bravo get all the credit for keeping shit interesting, there are a handful of fuckboys that fucking suck, but like, are entertaining af to watch from a distance. So here you have it. A definitive ranking of Bravo’s biggest fuckboys.
12. Peter Thomas
The RHOA star isn’t the first piece of shit Bravo boy you think of, but he def deserves a spot on the list. When he was married to our girl Cynthia he admittedly went to the strip club like, every damn week. That’s just gross. I get for bachelor parties and shit, but reel it in dude. You have a gorgeous queen of a wife at home and you’d rather be watching Cinnamon, who is probs no more than a solid 6, get dollar bills shoved in her ass? Smh.
11. The Jersey Joes
Joe Giudice and Joe Gorga get to share the #11 spot because, let’s be honest, what’s the fucking difference? They both are guido meatheads who pretend to do construction even though we all know they’re in the mafia. We’ve seen The Godfather before. We know how this shit works. Joe Giudice is worse, I guess, because of the whole prison thing and he called his wife a cunt once. But then again, Joe Gorga flips his shit when Melissa doesn’t have a sandwich and a blow job waiting for him upon his arrival, so like, it’s a tossup.
10. Tom D’Agostino
What kind of dumbass makes out with a rando at a place all you and your brand new fiancée’s friends hang out? So you’re a fuckboy and an idiot. I see. If cheating on Luann like, a day after getting engaged wasn’t enough, he got with her while he was screwing her fellow RHONY castmate Sonja, while she and Lu fucking lived together. And further, he was also dating Ramona at the time. I mean, is there anyone in NYC you can sleep with who isn’t a Housewife? There’s gotta be a few.
9. Mario Singer
Mario flies under the radar as one of Bravo’s prime fuckboys, but I’m here to call his shit out. He’s your typical midlife crisis fuckboy who started up an affair with a chick like, 30 years younger than him and did it in his and his wife’s own house. Fucking gross. After Ramona caught him, he pulled the whole back-and=forth on whether they could work it out, but ultimately ended up dating his mistress. GTFO.
8. Jason Hoppy
Ugh, Jason is the fucking worst. When Bethenny first started dating him, he was kinda cute in the whole “I don’t mind having a strong woman and taking the back seat kind of way” but damn did that fade. As soon as they broke up, Jason actually became Satan and tried to take all Queen B’s money, her apartment, and her daughter. Because of his petty, greedy ass, the divorce was dragged out over almost four fucking years. And even though shit’s been settled, he’s still being a fucking psychopath, allegedly stalking Bethenny and sending her threatening messages and shit. Jason would top the list except that his behavior goes way beyond garden-variety fuckboy shit and into scary af psycho-who-will-kill-you-and-wear-your-skin territory.
7. Slade Smiley
While Slade has recently been outdone, he’s truly the OG Bravo fuckboy. With a name like Slade Smiley, it’s practically destiny that this guy would turn out to be a douche. We first met him when he he was dating Jo, who he wanted to stay at home all the time and clean in a fucking French maid costume. K. Then he became fuck buddies with RHOC #2 Lauri. And now, he’s shacking up with his third housewife, Gretchen. He’s like the original West Coast version of Tom. He lands higher on the list because he’s been accused of dipping out on child support and I don’t have time for a fuckboy AND a deadbeat dad.
6. Brooks Ayers
I take back my previous statement about Jason. Brooks is the actual worst human on all of Bravo. And I don’t say that lightly. He mooches off Vicki for her money, fucks 20-something-year-old porn stars when they’re on a break (vom), and fucking FAKES CANCER to try to get people to like him. That would all be pretty par for the course if we were talking about an episode of MTV’s Catfish, but you are a Real Husband, for fuck’s sake. WTF is wrong with you? If that wasn’t enough, he told Vicki’s son-in-law that he should beat his wife aka Vicki’s daughter to keep her in line. Brb taking off my earrings to go whoop some misogynist Mississippi ass.
5. Ben Robinson
Ben is a quintessential fuckboy because he tries to screw everything in sight and just treats women like shit in general. Not to mention, he calls everyone “baby” in an Austin Powers voice which honestly gives me nightmares to this day. If you’re on a boat in the Caribbean or the Mediterranean, and you have a vagina (or any hole probs), Ben will try to fuck you. Idk the exact number of stews he’s hooked up with, or at least tried to, over the years but I feel like it’s a solid 75% at minimum. Plus, can we get him a Xanax? Anyone who has a literal mental break over the exact time breakfast is served—WHEN YOU ARE EMPLOYED AS THE GODDAMN CHEF OF THE BOAT—needs to build a very large bridge and get over themself.
4. Shep Rose
Shep is the kind of guy that makes you hate yourself because you know he’s a fuckboy who’s just trying to get laid by the entire town of Charleston, but you still fuck him anyway. He’s funny, he’s smart-ish and despite the whole “sex with anything that moves” thing, he actually doesn’t treat women terribly unless you’re expecting him to call you back. What a concept. But there I go again, making excuses as to why a legit fuckboy isn’t as bad as other fuckboys. *Slaps self repeatedly until realization of making the same mistakes over and over again occurs* Okay, we’re good. Shep is the most dangerous type of fuckboy because he’s actually charming. Unlike Jax and James (we’re getting there) you don’t have to be a self-loathing human to fall for him—you just have to be a little drunk and having a fat day. DANGER.
3. Thomas Ravenel
Ah ha! Another terrible person. First things first, he managed to impregnate a gold digging 20-year-old not only once, but TWICE. That’s borderline impressive and at that point you can’t even blame Kathryn for gold digging when he made it so damn easy. Thomas is like, 60 and tells other 20-year-olds besides his baby mama to take their tops off and shit. He was arrested for doing coke back when he was holding some form of office. Tbh, the fact that South Carolinians elected him in the first place makes me think even less than them as a state than I did before, which is also impressive. He’s the creepiest of creepy old dudes, like Jack Nicholson minus the cool Hollywood connections and Lakers tickets. His worst offense, however, is his desire to speak godawful French at random times every episode. Like STFU grandpa.
2. James Kennedy
The white Kanye West himself finds himself almost topping our list of Bravo fuckboys. Honestly, this list could be of every fuckboy on earth and DJ James Kennedy would no doubt still be top 10. James has the standard qualities of a classic fuckboy including having sex with tons of women, like pretty much every SURver at this point; cheating on his girlfriend; and bragging about his sex-capades to his friends—or in his case, the Bravo producers with a camera pointed at his face for side commentary. He calls women fat, spits on them when arguing, and is just and all in all asshole. Most of his fuckboyness (fuckboyery?) is directed at Kristen, so like, it’s usually kinda funny though.
1. Jax Taylor
I know what you’re thinking: “But James got in a physical fight with Kristen” and “he told Katie to work on her summer body.” Here’s the difference. James is 25. Jax is like 40, and he’s still doing this shit. Sure, modern day Jax appears to be in a committed relationship with country bumpkin Brittany and like, he’s not as terrible as he was. But let’s go through his Bravo resume, shall we? 1) Pretty much everything that comes out of his fucking mouth regarding women. 2) He fucked—I’m sorry, “banged”—his best friend’s girlfriend while he was sleeping in the other room. Please note: said girl is also his on-again-off-again girlfriend’s best friend. And finally… 3) He got a porn star pregnant in Vegas and paid for her to have an abortion all while he was with Stassi. I mean, I didn’t even know shit like this happened IRL other than on Jerry Springer. And there’s more. I know there is, but my mind just blew itself when I typed that last one, so I think that’s enough for today.
Congratulations, Jax. You are King of Fuckboys. As if any of us are surprised.