It’s a miracle! Taylor Swift may have finally found the blue-eyed happily ever after of her dreams. A source “close to” Swift (my guess is Meredith) told Us Weekly that Swift’s boyfriend Joe Alwyn is looking to propose! Swift and Alwyn have been dating for two years which is approximately a lifetime in Swift years. Apart from the fact that most of the love songs on Reputation are about him (she’s right—he’s gorgeous) the two have kept their relationship mostly out of the public eye. The low-key nature of Swift and Alwyn’s relationship is a pretty big departure from Taylor’s usual trajectory of dating someone very publicly for a period of several months before dumping them (also very publicly) and writing 10-20 literally perfect pop songs about it.
The same source (*cough* Meredith*cough*) told Us that Alwyn is Swift’s “dream guy” and that he’s “keen on proposing soon,” but wants to make it “unforgettable and extremely special.” Considering Taylor Swift has 10 GRAMMYs and literally spent an entire year performing to sold-out arenas with cameos from all of the most famous people on Earth, finding something that will be “unforgettable” to her is probably pretty tough.
On the other hand, I have it on good authority (Meredith) that Swift is *something* of a romantic, and will probably flip the f*ck out over whatever Alwyn chooses to do. She is, after all, the Charlotte of pop princesses (Ariana is Carrie, Riri is Samantha, and Gaga is Miranda—do not @ me.) According to Us Weekly, Swift is “more serious about than she’s ever been with anyone else,” which is why she’s trying to do things a little differently.
So Taylor Swift is growing as a woman, learning from past mistakes, and building healthier relationships as a result? What is she, a human woman?
Of course, there’s always a good chance that Us Weekly and/or their source (Olivia?) are making this up for attention and/or clicks. Taylor is famously on top of her PR. She once tried to sue a blogger for connecting her to white supremacists (in Taylor’s defense, I would also be angry if someone connected me to white supremacists), so if this is a bullsh*t story planted for attention, I imagine Taylor and her crackerjack team are already crafting the cease-and-desist.
Is it wrong of me to low-key hope that this whole scoop isn’t true and that Taylor hasn’t grown as a person so that we can continue to reap the benefits of her incredible breakup bops? Sure, Ari gave us Thank U, Next (and for her I’m so thankful), but Taylor is the undisputed queen of breakup tunes. If she loses that by getting married then she’ll just be…what? A woman with 10 Grammys, $50 million in NY real estate, and a gorgeous husband? Who wants that?
It’s been a quiet few weeks on the Taylor-Swift-Doing-The-Absolute-Most-O-Meter (patent pending), but that’s about to end. Her new album comes out in less than a month, which means she’ll be putting in overtime at being the absolute worst. She’s already been hard at work on her next music video, which will apparently portray her as some London girl that we definitely wouldn’t get along with.
The London aesthetic is reportedly inspired by Joe Alwyn, the dude who Taylor is dating right now. Joe is basically a random hot British actor (who still lives with his parents—what a catch), and they’ve somehow managed to keep their relationship quiet for the past six months or so, probably by living in one of Tupac’s caves or something. Don’t know, don’t care.
Anyway, Taylor is continuing her questionable trend of completely changing her style/personality based on who she’s dating, and this new video will see her out and about at lots of London spots that she and Joe have experienced together in the whole six or so months they’ve been together. She was spotted riding a bus (wow, so relatable), riding a bike across a bridge, and visiting a kebab shop, all while shooting for the video. To be honest, we’re surprised Taylor eats kebabs, because she seems like more of a salad with no dressing kind of girl, but everyone has a wild side.
Taylor Swift has left fans perplexed by shooting her new music video in a London kebab shop. pic.twitter.com/g4URT7p38e
— THE POP HUB (@ThePopHub) October 15, 2017
A source close to Taylor Swift (our sincerest condolences) told The Telegraph that Taylor “wants to show people she is just a normal girl,” which actually is fair because we all have that one friend who meets a guy and gets obsessed with him immediately, starts posting about him everywhere on social media, and shows up to his job all the time to randomly surprise him with gifts, only to go all scorched Earth on him two weeks later when he won’t introducer her to his mom.
Anyway, in some of the photos from the set, Taylor was wearing a gold chain and a shirt with a snake on it, because of course. She’s really latched onto this whole snake thing, and she obviously thinks it makes her really cool and chill and funny and clever, when it honestly just makes her look desperate and tired. Someone needs to tell Taylor that it’s not inventive to simply acknowledge that you’re aware of the bad things people say about you—it just means you aren’t completely brain dead. Until Taylor provides some interesting spin on her reputation, or tries to combat it in some significant way, or goes even one step above just restating what everyone’s been saying about her for years, we’re not interested.
It’s unclear when the new video will be about, but it most likely goes along with the song “Ready For It,” which is arguably even more heinous than the incredibly heinous “Look What You Made Me Do” because the former includes Taylor rapping. Can’t wait for the album!!