Good news: Cardi B has spent the last tw0 years taking over music, and now she’s turning her attention to movies. On Tuesday, STX Films announced their new project Hustlers, and I’m already positive it’s going to be my favorite movie of all time. In addition to Cardi B making her film debut, the movie is packed with badass women like Jennifer Lopez, Constance Wu, Keke Palmer, Lili Reinhart, and Julia Stiles. I could write an essay about how much I love each of these women, but for now I will try to keep it to a minimum. The movie also stars Mercedes Ruehl, who you might not know, but she’s an Oscar winner and I saw her in a play last year and she is fierce as f*ck. Moving on.
First of all, the movie is being written, directed, and produced by a woman named Lorene Scafaria, who also directed Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist. Good to know that we’ve got boss women on both sides of the camera for this one. The movie is based on a New York Magazine article from 2015, and it centers on a true story. Get ready, because the plot is a wild ride. The main characters are a bunch of strippers who band together to get revenge on a bunch of gross Wall Street dudes. This sounds like all my revenge porn fantasies! Here’s the subheading of the article: “Here’s a modern Robin Hood story for you: a few strippers who stole from (mostly) rich, (usually) disgusting, (in their minds) pathetic men and gave to, well, themselves.” This is the 2019 mood, and I am 100% here for it.
If you think the story sounds amazing, that’s because it totally is. It centers around Rosie, an enterprising stripper who came up with a complex operation to scam rich men. Basically, they would drug the guys, steal their credit cards, spend a sh*tload of money, then convince the dudes nothing was wrong when they woke up. Okay, like yes, these are clearly CRIMES, but also, I respect it? If this writing thing doesn’t work out for me, that’s probably gonna be my next move. The real Rosie is Asian American, so I would guess that she’ll be played by Constance Wu, and J.Lo is probably playing an older stripper/mentor named Samantha. I’m not sure who Cardi B will play, but I’m excited nonetheless.
There are many reasons to be excited for this movie, but I have to say that Cardi B’s involvement is the most intriguing thing for me. She’s obviously one of the most entertaining people on the planet, but I’m already imagining her trying to memorize lines, and it’s hilarious. Hopefully they’ll give her a few cues and just kinda let her improvise on set, because you can’t even write the sh*t that comes out of her mouth. At least she has the real-life experience of being a stripper, so maybe she can show Constance Wu and Lili Reinhart a thing or two on the pole in exchange for some acting lessons. Dark Betty will thank her. (I doubt J.Lo needs any pointers, based on her insane workout routine.)
Sadly, it’s going to be a while before we can see Cardi B and her A-list crew ruining men’s lives on the big screen. The movie is scheduled to start shooting at the end of this week, so if I had to guess, it’ll probably come out next summer. This is a long time to wait, but I have full confidence that it’ll be worth it.
Images: Shutterstock; @jlo / Instagram; Giphy