In 2018, we’ve definitely noticed that the way we use makeup is changing (unicorn brows, anyone? JK, this trend made my eyes bleed). Specifically, we’ve seen a lot more honesty from celebs and normals alike about how much of a role makeup plays. Think: Kardashian-esque contouring, YouTube beauty tutorials, #nomakeup selfies. And often, it’s been empowering to watch people openly celebrate both natural looks and the transformative power of makeup. But recently, the tone has shifted. While the idea was once more “everyone has flaws and that’s ok,” it’s now about having such naturally perfect features that makeup would only detract from them. These treatments are typically semi-permanent (aka not a full nose job/brow lift—so ‘90s), always expensive, and basically give you an Insta-filtered face. Here are some of the semi-permanent treatments celebs are using to get that perfect “effortless” look.
Botox/Chemical Peels
I’m lumping these two together, not because they’re all that similar, but just because these are the beauty treatments we’ve all known about and made fun of since the ‘90s. Both treatments have gotten a lot more sophisticated—so the Samantha Jones raw meat face doesn’t happen after peels anymore, and people with Botox can (kind of) still raise their eyebrows—but they’re still the basic anti-aging treatments we all know and wish we could afford love.
Microneedling
Microneedling is a procedure in which a tiny needle pokes holes all over your face. (If you’ve ever used a dermaroller, it’s the expensive version of that.) This then promotes collagen production as your skin heals, which reduces the visibility of fine lines, wrinkles, pores, and acne scars. You know, all the things that make you look like a human, which is no longer desirable. Treatments cost up to $1,000, but then your skin is as good as Kourtney Kardashian’s. (You didn’t really think it was her diet that made her skin good, right?)
Injections
Injections is kind of a vague way of putting this, but that’s because injections can do so many different things. You can use filler to fix bad under eyes, smooth out your jawline and cheeks, and really just smooth out any imperfections you’re worried about. While I’m certain that most celebrities over a certain age have had some sort of filler put in, some of the most vocal users are the cast of Vanderpump Rules. In fact, Lala Kent and Tom Sandoval recently took a joint trip, where Lala got something called “Diamond Facial Sculpting.” (Fillers, but fancy I guess?) Lala says Tom was there for “moral support,” but I swear I saw him in a chair in the background of her IG story. Hard to believe Sandoval would willingly skip out on a beauty treatment.
Laser Treatment
No, I’m not talking about laser hair removal. (Though I’m certain that any celebrity who’s ever worn a bikini has gotten that too.) I’m talking about lasers used as facial treatment, which, like fillers, come in many varieties and have many uses. Basically, lasers can be used to fade pigmentation (*glares at rosacea-ridden face*), even out texture and tone, and basically act as “permanent concealer.” MUST BE NICE. Both Kim Kardashian and Jhené Aiko have recently raved about their laser treatments—and if they’re not #skingoals, IDK who is.
Microblading
This one is along slightly different lines, because it’s not about skincare. BUT, now that we are officially living in the Age of Eyebrows, it’s pretty freakin’ important. Microblading is getting semi-permanent tattoos draw onto your brows with teeny tiny strokes that resemble real hairs. This then gives you the appearance of naturally full brows for roughly two years. It also costs around $1,000 upfront, plus a mandatory touch-up two weeks later. So yeah, I’ll be getting that when I’m 70 and win the lottery, and will be drawing on my brows each morning until then. Irritatingly, I cannot tell you that celebs like Cara DeLevingne have used this treatment. Instead, it’s a whole bunch of awfuls including Bella Thorne and Lena Dunham. Microfeathering is another version of this treatment, which basically just fills in instead of drawing you a whole new brow.
Do I have anything against these treatments, beyond the fact that I can’t afford them? Yeah, a little. I definitely have a problem with celebrities who pretend they haven’t had ANYTHING done. I respect their privacy and all, but I’m a grown-ass woman and I find myself getting upset about my own visible pores. This isn’t something that bothered me even two years ago. But now, every picture I see on Instagram features skin that doesn’t look like skin. And just a few years of being bombarded with those images has been enough for me to think there’s something wrong with my face because of it. Which is all to say, I’m truly worried for young kids who are growing up surrounded by that kind of illusion, and not being repeatedly and aggressively told that it is, in fact, an illusion.
Ultimately, I think it’s probably positive that these treatments are public enough that I can even write this article. Yes, the treatments themselves are becoming more mainstream. But the information is available—if you look—about why exactly these celebs can post #nomakeup selfies that make me feel like a garbage rat. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to start a GoFundMe because all these procedures cost more than my rent.
Images: drjasondiamond, thelipking, lalakent, jheneaiko, microbladingla_juliafaria / Instagram
Welcome back to another installation of songs I think you should listen to because I personally like them a lot. This week we’ve got a lot of new music from some big artists, like Travis Scott and Miguel. We’ve also got some lesser-known players with new songs. So take a listen and let me know what you think in the comments. And, in a BRAND-NEW addition, you can follow us on Spotify! Check out the “New Music” playlist for all the songs that have been in my roundups, conveniently located for you in one place. Listen here and follow us, duh.
“SLAY” by YG feat. Quavo
Off YG’s new album, STAY DANGEROUS, “SLAY” is a surprising slow jam that still f*ckin bangs. Any song with Quavo on it in 2018 is a bonafide hit, and we got DJ Mustard on the beat with this one too, so it can’t really get that much better than that. I can promise you with every fiber of my being that this song is going to be everywhere in the club and you’ll be screaming with your friends when Quavo croons, “One time if you a bad b*tch… all you wanna do is just slay”. I also just inspired your next 5 IG thirst trap captions; you’re welcome.
“No Smoke” by Leavemealone
Leavemealone has been compared to the likes of the late XXXTentacion, and I’m going to take that comparison in a vacuum and assume they mean strictly musically, and without any of the other domestic abuse issues. So if we ARE to take this at face-value, it means that Leavemealone is a gifted and versatile artist. Listening to “No Smoke”, his newest single, I get it. The song goes hard. I see this being a big hit among suburban white teens in the very near future.
“Watch” by Travis Scott feat. Lil Uzi Vert & Kanye West
Travis Scott. Uzi. Kanye. I’m sure you’ve all heard the song by now, but that doesn’t make it any less new, and it doesn’t make it any less of a bop. As far as Travis Scott songs go, this is exactly what you’d expect. It’s heavy on drums and autotune. It’s got a consistent melody throughout. It’s not my favorite Travis Scott song, not his worst one, either. It’s solidly solid.
“Python” by Miguel
God is good. New Travis Scott AND Miguel this week? I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve such good music karma, but I’m not complaining. This is a pretty classic Miguel song that I can best describe as very groovy. I would say this song, more so than his others, is a lot looser and more flowing. Lyrics just kind of seem to cruise in and out when Miguel pleases. There’s not necessarily that one hook to bring you back to focus. And you know what? I like it.
“Never Call Me ” by Jhené Aiko feat. YG
Jhené Aiko is one of those people who’s not as famous as she should be, in my opinion. She’s so talented, and all her songs are such a vibe. “Never Call Me” is basically about what you’d expect—a f*ckboy who won’t call you back. Girl, it’s because you’re too good for him! Anyway, this remix features a guest verse from YG, which takes this song from your “In My Feelings” playlist to your “Chilling” playlist.
“Witching Hour” by Rezz
Can I be honest with you guys? I think I can. We’ve built up enough rapport over the last however many weeks I’ve been doing this, right? Ok. Here goes. Personally, Rezz’s music isn’t my cup of tea, but I think she’s a badass female and I want to give her a little recognition, She just released her album Certain Kind of Magic today, and if you’re into dark, vampy electronic music without words, you’ll like it and one of her songs off the album called “Witching Hour”. If that’s not your thing, this song might not be your favorite. But either way, Rezz is an awesome female solo EDM act, which is p rare, and that alone gets my support.
