Trump Is Throwing A Petty Party For ‘Friends Of The U.S.’ Only

We’re only three days into 2018 and Trump is already causing drama. Shocking. As you may recall, Trump recently made even more people hate us by recognizing Jerusalem as the official capital of Israel. We wrote a hilarious article explaining what all that means, and you can read it here.

Anyway, now The Donald is taking petty to a new level and throwing a party for all the countries that support this decision. Spoiler alert: most countries don’t support the decision because it’s dumb AF. In fact, Togo, the Marshall Islands, Nauru, Micronesia, Palau, Honduras and Guatemala, Israel and 58 other randos are the only ones invited to this “exclusive” event. This feels like that time that annoying bitch in middle school tried to buy your friendship by inviting you to her pool party, and you went because duh, pools. But then you got there and it was awkward as fuck and her dad was weird as shit, so you texted your friend and had her call you with a fake emergency so you could GTFO.

So what about those not invited? Last month, the UN General Assembly created a resolution criticizing America’s decision about Jerusalem. This isn’t an offish law that can block the decision, but basically is meant to persuade the Trump administration to reconsider. The UN General Assembly voted on the issue, and the results were 128 to 9 in favor of calling Trump’s decision “null and void.” Lol. I mean, we all know Trump isn’t great at winning the majority vote.

Actual footage of UN voting to call Trump a dumbass:

Of course, the UN made the grave mistake of assuming Trump is a sane and rational person who will listen to reason. Adorable, really. Before the vote, the Trump administration threatened to “take names” of any countries who vote against the US, and even to cut of their humanitarian aid funding. Calm down, crazy. And now he’s throwing this sad little party like the true sociopath he is. Hopefully there’s a shit ton of alcohol at this thing for his hostages guests.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!
 

Trump Is Causing Drama In The Middle East And You Should Know About It

Just when you thought shit had stopped popping off for one gd second, the president went and messed up the Middle East. Amaze. President Trump has officially recognized Jerusalem as the capital of Israel, and plans to move the U.S. embassy in Israel from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. Now obvs, any the Arab-Israeli conflict is like, muy complicado, but here’s why this shit is a BFD:

Why TF Does This Matter

President Trump is the first president to ever recognize Jerusalem as Israel’s capital since Israel was founded in 1948. This issue is a major shit-stirrer in the region because not everybody agrees that Jerusalem even belongs to Israel in the first place. By agreeing to have our embassy in Jerusalem, the U.S. is basically publicly taking sides in the debate, and if middle school cheer taught us anything, it’s that publicly taking sides always leads to problems.

 

Why TF Is The President Doing This Now?

Well, basically because he said he would do it during the campaign. Also, because he’s a messy bitch who lives for drama. The president also signed a waver to state that the embassy move won’t even take place for another six months, and potentially won’t happen until many years in the future. So basically, he’s stirring up a bunch of shit with his base and the Middle East for no fucking reason. Six words: messy bitch who lives for drama. What’s new?

 

WTF Is Everyone Saying About It?

Ever since Trump made the official announcement, Palestinians, and people all over the world, have been freaking the fuck out. If you can believe, a lot of people think Trump’s decision is a total dick move, and are calling out the US for making yet another mistake. UN Security Council members condemned Trump’s announcement, the head of the Arab League called Trump’s decision “dangerous and unacceptable,” and even Trump’s celeb crush BFF, Vladmir Putin, criticized this decish. Wow, drama.

 

WTF Happens Next?

Tbh, we might be in for a total shit storm. The plan has been dubbed by Palestinian authorities as the “kiss of death” for the peace process, and will also make it kind of hard for the U.S. to remain a “neutral mediator” in the debate if we’re basically wearing Israel’s friendship bracelet. On the bright side, this is going to make Middle East Peace Envoy/First-Son-In-Law/Soon-To-Be Felon Jared Kushner’s job more difficult, and that’s always a good thing.

 

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!