You read that correctly. The Hollywood rumor wheel has struck again, this time at the hands of the classic trio Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. Since Jen separated from Justin Theroux earlier this year, reports have circled that Brad and Jen may be rekindling their long-lost (and publicly adored) love. If this is true, then the “I Hate
Rachel Green Jennifer Aniston Club” is no more. But the juiciest part of this whole rumor? Justin Theroux and Angelina Jolie may be the newest Hollywood couple. The history of these two couples is more complex than keeping up with Kylie Jenner’s hair color, so here is a handy timeline.
The Divorce Timeline
March 2005: The world was devastated to learn that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston had decided to divorce, and Brad immediately gets together with Angelina Jolie. Ever since, whenever Brad and Angie are in the tabloids, they seem to drag Jen into the story as well. (This article is no exception.)
August 23, 2014: Although they’ve been together for 10 years prior, Brad and Angelina officially tie the knot. The couple refused to marry until gay marriage was legalized. Hats off to ya.
August 5, 2015: Jen and Justin started dating in 2012 and privately got married in 2015 at a ceremony “disguised as a party for family and friends to celebrate Justin’s birthday in a bid to keep people from discovering they were tying the knot.” Sneaky.
September 2016: Brangelina file for divorce.
February 11, 2017: Jen reportedly received a birthday message from her ex-lover (aka Brad slid into Jen’s DMs). TBH this wasn’t that sketchy until reports arose that Brad didn’t actually have her phone number. Instead, he had to go through a whole list of people in order to get it. That seems like a lot of effort for just an innocent birthday message. Brad, if you just want to f*ck, then just say it.
March 1, 2017: Us Weekly reported that the exes have been texting, but said that “Justin is OK with them being friends.” Aww poor Justin, so naive. If only someone told him that texting your ex is a red flag.
August 2017: Brangelina’s divorce is put on hold. A US Weekly source said, “Everyone thinks they are going to get back together … It wouldn’t be surprising if they announced that they’re calling it off and trying to work things out.”
February 15, 2018: Jennifer and Justin separate, releasing a statement that said: “This decision was mutual and lovingly made at the end of last year.”
September 2018: Almost two years after initially filing for divorce, it has yet to be finalized. Angelina’s attorney submitted papers to the court stating that she wants a judgment “returning the parties to single status during calendar year 2018.” Does anyone else find it a weird coincidence that Brad and Angie’s divorce is re-introduced just a few months after Jen and Justin’s? Hmmm.
Although many sources discredited the rumors about Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston being back together and possibly remarried *gasp,* I believe all Hollywood tabloid stories have some element of truth that reveals itself eventually. In Touch published a story saying the couple married on their 18th anniversary this past summer. But since Brangelina are technically still married, this couldn’t possibly be true. But I’m at least hoping these rumors have some sort of truth to them.
We Are Psychics
I’m not going to say Betches predicted the future but… Betches predicted the future. On March 1, 2017, the Head Pro wrote an article shortly before Brangelina’s divorce was put on hold in August of 2017. The article stated that Brad and Jen are “basically back together.” Although the rumors of the two rekindling their early 2000s romance and possibly re-marriage didn’t circulate until almost a year later, the Head Pro was ahead of the rest of us. Maybe fortune telling is a better career option for him? Real talk, though, the only people who know how long Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have been “seeing each other” is Jen and Brad. So when (not if) you guys want to go public with your
old new relationship, call me so we can be the first to report (or email us at [email protected]). Again. Thanks.
Now for the cherry on the sundae. While Brad and Jen are enjoying their relationship, Angelina reportedly got in contact with Justin. She set up a date with Jen’s ex while Angelina was in New York and the two really hit it off, as reported by New Idea on September 14. Idk how reliable this source is, though, since I’ve never heard of New Idea. Or maybe we are just ahead of the celebrity news game like last time. Believe what you want.
Images: Giphy (4)
Are you like, super into conspiracy theories? What about cults? True crime? Then you’re in luck. On October 1, we’re launching a new podcast that will talk about all of those things. It’s called Not Another True Crime Podcast. Follow us on Instagram at @natcpod and Twitter at @natcpod for more info.
We were all riding a high the last few days. It was Valentine’s Day. Bella Thorne posted a beautiful Instagram tribute to her boyfriend Mod Sun, and we thought to ourselves, “true love does exist!” Then, BAM—out of nowhere, Jennifer Aniston separates with Justin Theroux, her husband of two years. America’s Sweetheart can’t make it work. We are all doomed.
Jen released a statement Thursday night stating, “Normally we would do this privately, but given that the gossip industry cannot resist an opportunity to speculate and invent, we wanted to convey the truth directly. Whatever else is printed about us that is not directly from us, is someone else’s fictional narrative.” Lol nice try Jen. While I appreciate the attempt to class up the phrase “fake news,” you might as well throw that statement in the trash because it’s not gonna work. But, I do give my word that I will not write any fictional narratives in this article. I will, however, round up some theories about why Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux separated from the internet and share them with everyone here. Sorry Jen, mama’s gotta eat.
1. Time Apart Took Its Toll
Let’s start with the most rational theory and the slowly descend into madness, shall we? People magazine aka the publication most likely to kiss celebrity ass, says that there were signs the couple was drifting apart, and they were frequently spending time on opposite coasts. Apparently they went with the whole “absence makes the heart grow fonder” defense for the fact that they never saw each other. Yeahhhh, that doesn’t work in a marriage. Good thing you’re so pretty, Jen.
2. She’s LA, He’s New York
Once again, ET claims that the split was a long time coming. THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP, GUYS. How nice of these publications to start every story by calling us idiots. I appreciate it. Don’t get it enough at work. According to their sources, the reason why Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux separated was kind of the same reason why you and your high school boyfriend broke up before college: Jen wanted to live in LA, but Justin was more of an NYC guy. I assume he loves the public transportation delays and overpowering scent of urine everywhere. It’s hard for us masochists to give up. Jen hated the paparazzi that followed her everywhere, which wasn’t a problem for Justin because no one cares about him, tbh.
3. Jen Had Been Bonding With Brad
Listen up folks, because this is where it gets fake good. According to Life & Style, shortly before Jen announced her split to Justin, she and Brad decided to give their relationship another shot. If you’ll recall, we reported way back in March 2017 that Jen and Brad were texting again, so this just further proves my life philosophy that you should never trust anyone who speaks to their ex, no matter the circumstances.
They continue on to say over the last year Brad has been opening up to Jen and confessing all the ways he wronged her. She is reportedly his “greatest love,” and
imaginary friends sources claim they could end up married again. Damn. This story is juicier than the Effie Trinket/Haymitch Abernathy Hunger Games fanfic I read. Pretty please let it end up the same way (in bed)!
4. Secrets And Scandals
Radar Online, a source that is historically about as reliable as the 80-year-old woman sitting next to my mom at the nail salon, also hopped on the scandalous bandwagon, claiming the couple was broken up by jealousy! Lies! And cheating! My favorite kind of breakup, since all my joy comes from others’ misery.
Radar claims the couple had a big blow up in December and Jen turned to her
bloated from alcohol hunky ex Gerard Butler. Justin has also been “very flirty” with Emma Stone on the set of Maniac in New York. Well, well, well. I see the tabloids have some dissension in their ranks. Who is Jen sleeping with? Brad or Gerard? Is it both?! I MUST KNOW.
After reading all the theories about why Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux separated, I can only say for sure that this was one wild roller coaster ride. I assume that by next week Jen will be pregnant with Brad’s triplets, they will wed in an extravagant wedding on the beach and generously share their photos with us, and Justin will go back to living a life of obscurity in his tight leather jacket. Okay fine, this is my own fanfic.