Well, fam, just when we thought the Jordan/Jenna drama from Bachelor in Paradise was over, Jenna went and dropped another bombshell last night on her Instagram. And by “bombshell” I mean some photos that look like they were captured on the screen of a Windows 98 computer coupled with the ramblings of a madwoman. God bless these flaming piles of garbage masquerading as human beings and the emotional turmoil they wreck upon themselves. We all have to do our part!
Just to catch those of you up who haven’t been following this sh*t storm of a relationship, things went south for Jenna and Jordan—who were obviously in love and definitely not only together for the likes and followers—like, milliseconds after they got engaged on the finale of BiP when Reality Steve went public with screenshots of texts that all but confirmed Jenna was cheating on Jordan and their entire relationship was fabricated by the people at ABC. Shocker. Jenna has denied the rumors ever since and even hired a lawyer to clear her name. Lol why do I feel like this “lawyer” is about as capable as my sorority sister’s older sibling who claimed she went to law school but couldn’t even break her sister out of Carolina Cup jail?
But back to the bomb Jenna dropped on IG. Last night she posted a photo sequence in which the first photo shows her phone hooked up to…. something? It’s unclear. All I see are random cords everywhere. It kind of looks like a portable charger. So far all this is proving is that she does, indeed, have a phone.
Moving onto the second photo, which appears to be a grainy shot of the first computer ever invented. Seriously, wtf am I looking at? I’m half expecting Reader Rabbit to start uploading any minute. The screen shows that there was some sort of extraction of data that was 100 percent complete, but, like, the only thing that seems 100 percent complete rn is Jenna’s psychotic break. Here’s the entire post:
View this post on Instagram
The results from the forensic analysis are in, and I feel compelled to share them with Jordan before anyone else. Despite what some people have said, I have denied all of these false allegations from the beginning, and I am reiterating that I never cheated on Jordan, there is no “sugar daddy,” I was not faking my feelings towards Jordan on the show, and that I never made or sent those fake texts posted by Stephen Carbone. I appreciate everyone who has believed, supported, and loved me through this. I also forgive those of you who have said hateful things to me. I have spent years growing as a strong independent woman who manages her business without the help from any man. It is insulting to hear that anyone would question my character in that way when my biggest passion is to empower women. This is why I am standing up for myself and refusing to be a victim. I did nothing wrong, and despite what accusatory statements negative gossip bloggers have to say…I have a voice too, and it will be heard! I am standing up for myself and any woman who has ever been mistreated, overpowered, sexualized, or made to feel unworthy of sharing her story. I have God and the truth on my side, and in the end that’s all I need. I will not be silenced.
First of all, we all know the only reason she chose the picture of her phone instead of a glamour shot is because Reality Steve crucified her for it on Twitter. Secondly, I love that she thinks this rock solid evidence proves anything. Like, this “forensic analysis” looks about as legit as if she Google image searched “lab results” and uploaded it to Instagram. I don’t know what this “extraction” device is, but I would like to hook it up to my brain for the next time I take a test and know the answer is buried deep in my subconscious somewhere.
BUT THERE’S MORE. Jenna accompanied this post with a literal novel that reads about as sane as the creative writing assignment I turned in right after my boyfriend dumped me on my birthday sophomore year. I won’t go through her entire manifesto because, like, we would be here until Colton’s season airs next January, which was maybe her entire plan in the first place BUT I’M NOT FALLING FOR IT, B*TCH. So here are some highlights:
“The results from the forensic analysis are in, and I feel compelled to share them with Jordan before anyone else.”
The forensic analysis of what, though?? This is not CSI! Also, the fact that she’s sharing the results with Jordan before the public is suspect in itself. Homeboy DUMPED YOU ON INSTAGRAM and you want to speak with him privately? I feel like this “sharing of information” is happening solely so they can get their
stories PR stunt straight. This feels like when Geraldo Rivera made a big hoopla about how he was going to open Al Capone’s vault live on television and built up suspense for weeks, only for the vault to be literally empty. Actually, wow, this is almost EXACTLY like that. I impress myself sometimes.
“I have spent years growing as a strong independent woman who manages her business without the help from any man. It is insulting to hear that anyone would question my character in that way when my biggest passion is to empower women.”
Ah, yes. I know I definitely felt empowered watching you get felt up on a sand dune by half the men of Bachelor nation. Also, in the comments, someone asked Jenna what her business is, and she replied, “I started a social media marketing company and an all women’s social club where we help empower each other, build our businesses, and explore the city together.” Incidentally, this is exactly how every girl from my high school who is in an MLM would describe their “business”.
“I am standing up for myself and any woman who has ever been mistreated, overpowered, sexualized, or made to feel unworthy of sharing her story. I have God and the truth on my side, and in the end that’s all I need. I will not be silenced.”
Okay, look, I’m not saying women shouldn’t stand up for themselves when they feel wronged or misjudged or manipulated, but we’re talking about fake texts here. Texts that have probably gained her thousands of followers and put her face on every major news outlet in America. This is not a sexual harassment allegation; stop trying to make it sound like #MeToo. You don’t have God on your side, Jenna, you just have Mike Fleiss.
Stay tuned for next week, when Jenna reveals it was her all along. Can’t wait to see the tearful glamour shot that accompanies it!
IMAGES: Giphy (2); @jennacooperfit /Instagram (1); ABC
Bachelor Nation never ceases to amaze us with the absurdity that puts their
contestants people in the limelight. The Jenna Cooper-Jordan Kimball drama continues but this time, Jordan is nowhere to be heard (but we’ll get to that later). Instead, Jenna Cooper and Reality Steve now have beef. Jenna posted a public statement on Instagram this weekend addressing the text messages Reality Steve posted in his article exposing her fake relationship. Nine hours later, Reality Steve posted his statement on Twitter in response. This is a classic “he said, she said” dilemma told via screenshots from the Notes app, so let me break it down for you.
The Plaintiff: Jenna Cooper
Jenna has accused Steve of publishing “fake texts” and telling “vicious lies” about her. Her lawyers have requested he hand over the text files so they can “forensically examine” them (see below). As well, Steve has been asked to identify who sent him these files and how he was able to “vet” their authenticity. See below for Jenna’s full statement (and gratuitous glamor shot).
I have a few issues with her statement. I get it girl, if these texts weren’t from you then I’d be v pissed. But not once did you mention in your statement that you didn’t cheat on Jordan. Steve explained in his statement that she neglected to mention that the cheating rumor was false. Even Shakespeare would agree, “the lady doth protest too much” aka she’s denying everything so much, it’s basically admitting she did it.
The Defendant: Reality Steve
Steve posted his counter-statement on Twitter following Jenna’s allegations. He stated that Jenna’s lawyers demanded he release the information on who sent him the text messages in question. If he refused to do so, they would assume the messages were “fabricated to harm Jenna.” That seems like a rather large jump to conclusion, but whaetvs, I’m not a lawyer. Keep in mind, which Steve also includes in his statement, that he has dealt with his fair share of drama when it comes to releasing spoilers about The Bachelor so he has done his research on what he is legally allowed to post or not. Here’s Steve’s rebuttal to Jenna’s allegations.
Here is my response to Jenna’s silly Instagram post she put up at 12:30am this morning. Go check it out if you haven’t had a good laugh to start your day… pic.twitter.com/AVIz8mcCRw
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) September 22, 2018
Sidenote: lol that Steve’s first instinct was to call out the modeling pic.
- Reality Steve publishes an article containing what he claims are text messages between Jenna and a man who is not Jordan, basically expressing that she was never in love with Jordan.
- Jenna released a public statement about the messages 10 days after Steve’s original article was published. Why did she wait so long to release a statement? Weird.
- Jenna accuses Steve of hiding behind his lawyer during this whole confrontation but she began this fiasco with her lawyers reaching out to him. Seems rather hypocritical.
- Jenna is asking Steve for the original messages so they can be “forensically examined.” IDK how you forensically examine text messages. Also, Steve was sent screenshots of messages from his anonymous source so that’s not going to help her in a forensic examination (whatever that entails).
- Steve claims that these messages have “been verified they are from Jenna, these are confirmed from her phone number, so in case you have any doubts, just know this has been vetted out.” I have a few issues with this statement in his original article. Firstly, is the only way they were verified is from the anonymous source who sent them? Not so reliable. Secondly, how were they confirmed they were from her phone number and how do we know for sure someone didn’t just spoof Jenna’s number? (Yes, I watch Law & Order: SVU.)
- Jenna is asking Steve to reveal his anonymous source. But by doing this, Steve risks losing his reputation as a reliable source of information and breaking the trust he has with those who provide him with information. He’s also not legally obligated to reveal his sources. Also, unless Jenna has cheated on Jordan with multiple men, why does she need to know the identity of the source?
- Where is Jordan in all this? Would love to get his thoughts.
TBH I’m no lawyer so I can’t say for sure. BUT, I can say that I think Jenna looks pretty ridiculous. If she spent half her time denying the cheating allegations as much as she denies those texts are from her, then maybe she’d be in a different situation. Also, by getting lawyers involved in all this, she’s only prolonging the amount of time it’s going to take for people to forget about this scandal. Like, I don’t really get the point of this. Jenna already lost Jordan; what good is going to come out of this “investigation”? I think it’s also telling that when Reality Steve’s lawyers wouldn’t comply to Jenna’s requests, she took everything public to social media. Would you really do that if you had a winning case? Not according to the fake, honorary law degree bestowed upon me by Dick Wolf.
In any case, I love a good scandal, so I’m excited to watch this circus continue to play out in the media, if for nothing else, so that I can put off thinking about Colton for a little longer. I will be waiting for updates with bated breath.
Giphy: Images (2)
Ooooooookay. It’s been quite the day in Bachelor Nation. Honestly, there’s been so much news, if I hear the word “bachelor” one more time, I may go into cardiac arrest. Unfortunately for me, I have to report on this anyway. Probably the biggest news rocking Bachelor Nation right now (do I sound like Chris Harrison?) has been the news that Jenna Cooper may have been on Bachelor in Paradise for the wrong reasons. It’s been a wild ride. So fam, in case you need a refresher: we found out on Tuesday that Jenna is probably lying to Jordan and some other sad man and using both of them for fame, money, and FitTea sponsorships. Then we found out that Jordan didn’t know. AND THEN Jordan broke up with Jenna for the texts. While Jordan went to talk to the media almost immediately, Jenna remained suspiciously silent. Until late yesterday, when Jenna finally responded. She posted this Instagram:
View this post on Instagram
I want to start by saying those texts were completely fabricated, and I never sent them to anyone. I did not cheat on Jordan, and I have nothing to hide. I have been extremely open and vulnerable throughout this whole process. I was looking for love, and I found it. I was excited to share this journey with all of you. I am hurt by these fake texts, and that anyone would believe this story so quickly without proof. I have an attorney helping me investigate this hurtful and fraudulent attack on my character. We are evaluating all legal remedies available to punish those responsible.
She writes, in the caption, “I want to start by saying those texts were completely fabricated, and I never sent them to anyone. I did not cheat on Jordan, and I have nothing to hide. I have been extremely open and vulnerable throughout this whole process. I was looking for love, and I found it. I was excited to share this journey with all of you. I am hurt by these fake texts, and that anyone would believe this story so quickly without proof. I have an attorney helping me investigate this hurtful and fraudulent attack on my character. We are evaluating all legal remedies available to punish those responsible.”
All of us:
Sidenote: Did she crouch down next to a planter for this v awkward pic?
So. We have a lot to unpack. First of all, I am an artist, guys. I make a lot of (by “a lot of”, I mean like, “some”) money from photo retouching. Here’s the thing. If you know Photoshop well—or even took an introductory class in it—fabricating text messages is really, really easy. It’s as simple as copy and pasting new texts in an identical font and cleaning up the edges. It would take me maybe three minutes to create a fake text image, but I’ve been photo retouching for years. Give me 20 minutes and I can make anyone lose 40 pounds and also be Beyoncé.
Me giving myself pretend abs:
That said, it is also a huge pain in the ass to swap words and do the responses in the text bubbles. When the messages go from her text to his, each individual text bubble is a different length and different color. You’d have to match the format exactly for it not to seem “off”. Could it be done? Yes. Is it annoying and will take some time and someone who knows Photoshop really well? Yes. This definitely isn’t just any amateur with a Youtube video.
So could these messages be fabricated? Absolutely. It’s fairly simple to do (especially if Text Message Guy hired someone) and would give this guy a lot of attention or power. But that said, honestly, why would anyone bother? Let’s say they are fake messages, what does this rando truly gain? Maybe Jordan wouldn’t have believed him and he got 15 minutes of fame, but Jenna is engaged anyway. Or okay, he wins, he broke up their engagement. Why would Jenna go back to the guy who f*cked up her engagement and shot at a lifetime of FabFitFun boxes? I just have trouble understanding the motive for this.
Honestly, I don’t think these images were retouched. If they were, they were done perfectly, which is a v specific set of skills. I just don’t see why anyone would take the time to do it. There is no reason to. However, playing multiple guys because you’re a scum-sucking road whore seems very Jenna.
That said, we aren’t done here because Reality Steve said he has verified that these messages are from Jenna. How did he do that exactly? It’s a pretty big claim, especially to someone that has supposedly lawyered up. There are a couple ways to verify the text isn’t Photoshopped. First of all, Steve could have met this guy in person. If he showed the text messages on his actual phone, and then proved they came from Jenna’s number, that would be pretty hard to fake. The guy would also have to have had Jenna’s real phone number, which would be easy for Steve to find and prove was real. If he has the real number, I’m going to say it happened.
Another way to verify is if he sent a video of himself going through his phone step by step to the messages and again Jenna’s number. It isn’t impossible to alter video, but let me tell you, it takes waaaaaay longer, is waaaaaay more annoying, and requires someone who really knows what they are doing. I just don’t see why anyone would go through the trouble of doing this to Jenna. She is not a Kardashian.
The last way that I can think of may not work because the messages are over iMessage, meaning they went through the WiFi instead of their cell service plans. However, had they gone through the plan, text messages can be verified from your service provider. So if Jenna is trying to sue someone, that’s probably the first thing they will check. If they can find them, Jenna is sooooo f*cked.
I’m not done, though. Jenna’s sister has gotten involved in the scandal to defend Jenna.
Jordan is not any of my business. But I am Jenna’s sister and for a million reasons I could tell you why it’s fake, mainly because it’s photoshopped. I’m sorry that everyone was misinformed and I just hope that they will see the truth soon❤ pic.twitter.com/GPjac19XuY
— Makenna (@MakennaCoop) September 12, 2018
I’m not really sure what that circle is indicative of, other than the fact that Jenna’s sister has a sh*tty screenshot.
If you zoom in there is a line along the edge of the text box where a picture was laid on top. If only she was allowed to respond????????♀️
— Makenna (@MakennaCoop) September 12, 2018
Oooh, ok. I sort of see it. I don’t know, though. I feel like that could just as plausibly happen from taking screenshots of screenshots of screenshots, or zooming in too far. Also, let’s not forget the real crime here, which is that Mr. and Mrs. Cooper named their daughters JENNA AND MAKENNA.
All in all, it’s a possibility these texts are made up, but it is way more likely that Jenna is just an awful human. There is just no reason to go through this kind of effort for virtually no benefit besides making Jenna look bad. I’m gonna say they are real and Jenna is a liar.
Also if anyone needs fake text messages or photo retouching to look like Beyoncé, hmu.
Images: Courtesy of ABC; Giphy (3)
News broke on Reality Steve yesterday that Jenna has been faking with her relationship with Jordan for the money, and that she is really in love with/leading on some other poor guy who wants to make their relationship public. Through text messages, Jenna explicitly said that she doesn’t even like Jordan and he was in on the scam. Ouch. Then we all watched the completely dull Bachelor in Paradise finale last night, where no one even confronted Leo about his repulsive behavior and we watched two very sad engagements, including Jordan and Jenna’s.
At this point, I’m 1.5 glasses of Sauv Blanc deep when it came to me. I just don’t think Jordan is that good of an actor. Because here’s the thing. Jenna seems very “whatever” about Jordan and she always has. Jordan, however, has seemed Fatal Attraction-level obsessed with Jenna. If their entire relationship was all a scam, are we going to say that Jordan has been pretending to be so in love with her this entire time? Because I’ve got to say—this is a rando male model. Where is his Oscar if this is the kind of sh*t he’s faking? I think it’s giving him too much credit to say that he’s been able to put on such a show this entire season.
It’s kind of like when people accuse the Kardashians of faking marriages and pregnancies. These are people who are famous for having large asses. They don’t know how to do anything. You’re saying that they can deliver these award-winning level of performances during their breakups and childbirths? It’s making them seem much more impressive than what is actually happening: they’re dating a f*cking moron and broke up. They got knocked up and have to get the kid out somehow.
Anyway. It turns out that Jordan is not, in fact, the next Meryl Streep. He told ET he had no idea that Jenna was faking their relationship and is heartbroken and “disgusted” by the messages. Jordan, we all are. Especially because just mere hours ago, we were watching them announce that they planned to get married on next year’s Bachelor in Paradise.
I totally believe him, again, just because I don’t think he’s that good of an actor. But to be honest, I also think Jenna is lying too. She obviously doesn’t care much about Jordan if she has a side piece. She just seems like the kind of girl that is leading on any guy that gives her attention and/or money. Or in Jordan’s case, moderate reality TV fame. I don’t think she’s in a serious relationship with the Text Message Guy, but that she actively fakes relationships with anyone she can. It’s like that How I Met Your Mother episode: she keeps these sad sacks on the hook.
Sadly, no one commented it on the After The Final Rose part of the finale, but that’s because they obviously filmed it before the news broke. I hope Jordan finds whatever self-respect is left for an adult male that wears a RompHim and leaves his discount bin Marilyn Monroe. Don’t let her talk you back into it, Jordan! She’s obviously a sketchy lying liar who lies.
Images: ABC; Giphy (2)