What Your US Open Instagram Caption Says About You

This week, my regularly scheduled Instagram programming of newly engaged girls in their engagement jean jackets has been interrupted by a little something called the US Open.

I don’t know about you, but my feed has been absolutely flooded with posts of people at the games the past few days (including the night when it actually flooded). Seriously, I can’t go two or three Insta stories without seeing a picture of the court and that drink—you know the one. You’d think taking said photo is an entry requirement or something. I mean, really.

Something else I’ve noticed: Everyone is posting the same five or so “punny” captions. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a good pun every now and then. But maybe it’s time we, uh, up our game? I hate to break it to you, but you’re not scoring points on originality here.

Like I said—I’m all for a good pun.

With this in mind, I think it’s about time we take a little look at what exactly your caption says about you. Look, I don’t make the rules. You’ll have to take that up with Zuck, and probably also Serena Williams.

I Met My Match

You met your boyfriend on Hinge, although you like to tell people you were set up by a mutual friend. He puts up with your painful indecisiveness, and you (try to) deal with his relentless football obsession. It’s called balance. You proudly display a sign that says “Live Laugh Love” in the entryway of your flex apartment. You’re counting down the seconds until Taylor Swift re-releases Red, and you don’t care who knows it.

Aced It

You got straight As throughout high school and were the captain of your school’s tennis team… That is, until you went to college, joined a sorority, fell madly in love with an upperclassman who could barely remember your name, and lived to tell the tale. But you’re here now, working your way up the ladder at a PR agency, and that’s what really matters, right? You only recently became ~official~ with your boyfriend, but you’d be lying if you said you haven’t already thought about what type of ring you want.

Game, Set, Match

You can’t remember the last time you watched, let alone went to, a sporting event—but your friend got tickets to the Open, so you figured it’s probably a good excuse to get out of your apartment and stop scrolling through TikTok for the first time all week. You spent two hours deciding on what to wear and went with a pair of blue ripped jeans, a white tee, gold jewelry, and Alexander McQueen platform sneakers. Naturally.

It All Starts With Love

You and your fiancé got into a screaming match on your way to Queens. It’s not your fault he just doesn’t understand why you just have to have the Amina Muaddi shoes for the wedding… Never mind the fact that his sister is getting way too involved in your wedding planning. You’re already texting your therapist to schedule a session first thing tomorrow morning. But first: another Honey Deuce.

No Caption/Tennis Ball Emoji

You just got back from Mykonos a few days ago, but couldn’t even fathom the thought of missing the Open. You’re probably still jet lagged and mildly hungover as you read this sentence. Flying home in Emirates business class was nice and all, but if you don’t get to sprawl out in your king-sized bed in your Tribeca loft within the next hour, we’re going to have some problems. You’re really just here for the celeb sightings and to gossip with Condé Nast editors. The ball’s in your court, honey.

Images: Brad Barket/Getty Images for Grey Goose

A PDA Ranking Of Kourtney & Travis’ Most 🥴 Instagram Posts

As we all know by now, Kourtney Kardashian is dating Travis Barker, and on Wednesday, various tabloids reported that the Poosh founder and Blink-182 drummer got engaged over the weekend in Las Vegas. It’s the kind of shocking news that feels so wild it could actually be true, but I’m unconvinced.

In this case, the “evidence” of the engagement boils down to a couple of vaguely suggestive Instagram captions from Travis’ daughter and a hairstylist. I’m not saying Kourtney and Travis are definitely not engaged, but there’s a lot of guessing going on here. But whether or not the engagement turns out to be real, it’s clear that Kourtney and Travis are very into each other, given the fact that they’ve plastered their PDA all over social media. 

While you’re still only putting your man on close friends stories after six months, Kourt has taken the opposite approach, reminding the world on a weekly basis that she and Travis are extremely horny for each other. And good for them! Contrary to what Sex/Life would have you believe, Kourtney seems to be living proof that being a mother with a sex drive won’t ruin your life. I’m happy for them, I really am, but it kind of feels like… a lot. I love love, but you know what I love even more? Two adults who can keep it in their pants for an evening in public.

Now that these two lovebirds may be headed down the aisle at some point, let’s take a little walk down the brief memory lane of their relationship. And by that, I mean let’s rank their posts from least to most egregious PDA. 

6. The Risky Hand Placement

 

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A post shared by travisbarker (@travisbarker)

This post kind of gives me grunge Bonnie and Clyde vibes, which is a great aesthetic for Travis and Kourt (minus the fact that Bonnie and Clyde got killed in a police ambush, but I digress). Travis’ hand positioning in each picture really feels like he wants to rip her clothes off, but thankfully for us, they stay within Instagram’s guidelines.

5. The Lap Sit

 

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A post shared by Kourtney Kardashian (@kourtneykardash)

Sitting in someone’s lap isn’t inherently suggestive — though mall Santas have always creeped me out — but Travis and Kourtney sort of took things to the next level here. Kourtney’s skirt/shorts/whatever have fully ridden up her thighs, and she’s holding Travis’ hand riiiiiight above her crotch. The first pic gives you the idea, but later in the carousel we actually get a closeup of the aforementioned crotch. Why was this necessary?

4. The Tat Shot

 

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A post shared by Kourtney Kardashian (@kourtneykardash)

Giving someone a tattoo may not officially count as PDA, but it’s certainly an intimate activity, and it shows a lot of trust given Kourtney isn’t remotely qualified to be doing this. Has the Health Department seen this?? The final product, a simple “i love you” scrawled over another existing tattoo, actually looks pretty good (not that I’m an expert). But this isn’t their only tattoo bond. Just a couple weeks later, Travis revealed that he got Kourtney’s name tattooed over his heart. I don’t need to remind Travis Barker that tattoos are permanent, but this just feels like too much for someone you’ve been dating for approximately seven months.

3. The Birthday Post

 

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A post shared by travisbarker (@travisbarker)

Back in April, Travis marked Kourtney’s birthday with, what else, a photo of them making out. This isn’t revolutionary, but my main question here is about the body positions. Travis is sitting on the couch, but he’s holding Kourtney up in his arms. Why can’t she just sit on the couch while they make out? Idk, seems uncomfortable to me.

2. The Ass Carry (Clothed)

 

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A post shared by Kourtney Kardashian (@kourtneykardash)

This pose is reminiscent of every woman arriving to a date on The Bachelor when she hasn’t seen the lead in 18 hours. We don’t know for sure if Kourtney did the infamous Bachelor run-and-jump, but I’d like to imagine it that way. Travis’ forearms cupping Kourtney’s butt is a lot to take in, but I’m most curious about the recording studio setting here. Was Travis previewing a new song for Kourtney? Is Kourt dabbling in music? Did they have sex on the studio couch à la Insecure season one? I’d like more context, but I’m also grossed out, so I’m good without it tbh.

1. The Ass Carry (Less Clothed)

 

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A post shared by Kourtney Kardashian (@kourtneykardash)

When I first saw this picture, I felt like I got the wind knocked out of me. The ass carry thing is enough to handle on its own, but Kourtney’s swimsuit is so tiny that I feel like Mark Zuckerberg is going to take this down at any moment. Also, it looks like they’re in the middle of the desert, so why is Kourtney wearing a bikini? Is there a body of water nearby? And who is taking this picture? I have many questions, but they can all be boiled down to “why?”

Images: Jeff Bottari/Zuffa LLC via Getty Images; kourtneydardash (4), travisbarker (2) / Instagram

The Case For Getting Engaged With A Hideous Manicure

Great news! It’s no longer necessary to keep up with the time-honored tradition of hoping your best friends break their backs to get you into a nail salon for a totally inconspicuous manicure before you get engaged. And no, it’s not because the planet is literally on fire and we’re probably just a few short years away from never having to worry about Instagram ever again. It’s because I just accidentally stumbled upon the greatest life hack of all time, and am pleased to report that getting engaged with an ugly manicure is the best thing you can do for your relationship and your personal brand. 

Now, I know that every little girl dreams of the day she’ll be able to post a photo of an engagement ring on her hand, writing “I said yes!” as the caption, leaving her loved ones (read: group chats of sorority sisters she no longer speaks to) wondering how she knew to get her claws perfectly groomed for the surprise occasion. But after recently getting engaged with a manicure that was the exact same color as Shrek, I’m here to challenge that standard. If the nail technician isn’t palpably disturbed by the color chip you’ve presented upon sitting in the chair, you’re not doing enough. Hear me out.

You’ll Immediately Have A Unique Instagram Caption

Second only to which engagement ring style you will choose to send your significant other subliminal messages about until they’re finally forced into popping the question, the most important decision you can make as a future bride is the caption you will choose to announce the fact that it’s time for your followers to buckle down for your official shift to wedding content. If you’re hard-pressed to think of something smarter than “Today, I said yes to forever with my best friend,” let your ugly manicure do the heavy lifting. For example, I went with: Do you think there’s anything on Etsy that says “she said, ‘OH MY GOD MY NAILS ARE GREEN, BUT YES!’” 

There’s An Easy Answer To The Dreaded ‘Were You Surprised?’ Question

If there’s one thing I’ve quickly learned as a newly-engaged person, it’s that people ask a lot of the same ridiculous questions, one of which being, “Did you know?” While everyone sporting a rock on their left ring finger probably had some inkling that the day would come eventually, it would be truly unhinged to expect your partner to drop down on one knee every time you enter a remotely photo-worthy space. Although I did not wake up thinking, “Might f*ck around and get engaged today,” convincing nosy people that this particular life event caught me by surprise has proven to be difficult. 

Luckily, if you have unsightly nails when it happens, you won’t ever have to waste your breath explaining why you just so happened to be having an incredible hair day and wearing an actual bra when you said yes. You can simply point to the messy heap of slime green SNS powder that was slopped upon your nail beds and quip, “Did you see my nails? I obviously wasn’t expecting it.” 

You’ll Seem Like A Quirky Risk-Taker

Nothing signals that you are the antithesis of cheugy quite like a bold manicure. Sure, the words “dog mom” are in your IG bio and you’ve purchased Tory Burch Miller sandals as recently as last month, but a calculated shellac color choice can really cancel that out if you play your cards right. This will also dupe people into thinking that you’ll be making some similarly wild decisions for your wedding, motivating your followers to prioritize watching your Stories every time they open the app. Not to mention, a scared bridesmaid is a loyal bridesmaid. If your girls can be tricked into thinking you’re reckless enough to select a heinous color for your wedding, they’ll be so relieved when you tell them they’re wearing blush dresses, that they’ll hardly bat an eyelash when you reveal how much they’re expected to cough up for hair and makeup. 

It’s An Excuse To Post At Least One More Ring Photo

Engagement rings beg to be photographed, but the last thing you want to do is clog the timeline with too many photos from the same occasion. (Although this used to fly… you can thank photo dumps for destroying your right to double post.) The simple fix for this, of course, is to get a redemption manicure, which would technically qualify as a separate posting event from the proposal. “Don’t worry guys, I have a pretty manicure now!” just might be the new “So a lot of you have been asking about my skincare routine…” in the sense that both statements require the speaker to hold quite a bit of naivety in regards to how much other people actually care. 

Next time a friend invites you on a trip to the salon or you find yourself torn between two manicure options, my advice for you is: choose the worst option. Reach for that weird yellow bottle of polish that looks like it’s never been opened. Say yes to the nude that clashes most with your skin tone. Visit the spa with over a dozen horrible Yelp reviews. It’s the number one best thing you can do for your engagement. (Your Instagram engagement, by the way. Not your relationship status.) 

Images: Lyuba Burakova /Stocksy.com

So Your New Dog Doesn’t Fit Your Post-Pandemic Aesthetic. Now What?

Well, this is awkward. The designer pooch (that you pretend is a rescue) is totally f*cking up your vibe. You bought little Buddy last March, and now it’s almost July and is back, baby! Suddenly, having to leave brunch early to put kibble in a bowl is just not the move, you know what I mean? Who could have predicted this, aside from your mom who rattled off a list of all the hobbies and projects you abandoned as a child, experts who warned against people returning pandemic pups, your roommate who refused from the get-go to feed your teacup Yorkie Pomsky mix,and the lady at the pet store who asked, “are you sure”? Nobody told you that a dog is much more than an accessory to quell your boredom and help you rake in Instagram likes. Okay, so maybe your mom did say exactly those words to you before you signed the papers, but what does she know? She called flip-flops “thongs” for the better part of your childhood, after all.

No denying it—this sucks. But just like any undesirable life event, you can use this to your advantage to increase engagement and build your brand. Here’s how.

Change Your Aesthetic

Any good influencer marketer will tell you that maintaining your brand is of the utmost importance. So before you do anything drastic with the dog, like archive the pictures you posted on IG (they’re getting such good engagement), ask yourself: what exactly is your brand, and why doesn’t little Miss Fluffikins fit into it? From there, you can make tweaks as necessary. It’s crucial to know your audience and be specific. Like, maybe your brand is alcoholism going on all-day drinking benders, and having to dip out early so your dog doesn’t starve is messing with your party-all-day-and-night aesthetic. If it’s starting to feel like a buzzkill, no worries! Do you know how many bars are dog friendly these days? Literally all of them, depending on your level of ethics.

On the other hand, is your brand DIY home improvement projects and generally being a hermit, but you got an Australian shepherd? (Those eyes are just so cute, I get it.) It’s time for a rebrand—you’re really into running now. Sorry!

Is your brand unapproachable bitches with a penchant for destroying household objects? You really should have gotten a cat.

Overshare, Overshare, Overshare

It’s not 2016 anymore, and Instagram doesn’t need to just be a highlight reel. If you don’t know that vulnerability does wonders for engagement, you’re probably still using the filters that come in the Instagram app. (Valencia? What are you, 12?) Everyone knows dogs are cute and cuddly, but do they also know that dogs love to destroy personal belongings, especially shoes, if left unattended? Okay, so that’s also a common generalization—particularly the shoe thing. But, whatever, use it! Of course posting pics of your dog as a puppy is cute, but posting pics of him making puppy dog eyes in front of your chewed-up Golden Gooses is just as cute, in a “oh, you little rascal—do you people see what I’m dealing with? I’m such a saint for putting up with it” kind of way. (Nobody has to know whether or not your dog actually has a penchant for chewing up shoes, or if those tears were actually made by a pair of scissors. Let’s be honest, those shoes are hideous anyway.)

The caption here is even more important than the photo, so it’s time to flex your exaggeration writing skills. Make sure you write a meandering personal essay detailing the trials and tribulations of being a dog owner. Of course, when he looks up at you with those big, brown/blue/two different colored eyes and you know this tiny furry creature depends on you to live, that’s how you know it’s all worth it. (Feel free to steal that line; I’m not using it.) Other vulnerable posts that are sure to rack up the likes: no-makeup (minus mascara, BB cream, highlighter, and a swipe of lipgloss) selfie with imaginary under-eye circles because “this one won’t stop barking all night!”; a puddle of yellow liquid on your plush white rug (said liquid may or may not be the bottle of sauvignon blanc you knocked over); lacing up your sneakers at 6am for your early morning walk (you went back to bed after you took the picture).

Stop Posting

So you’ve milked your mild inconvenience new best friend for all it’s worth, and your dog is still, like, an animal that requires care and not a barely sentient stuffed animal, as you anticipated when you adopted bought him. Bummer! Once you’ve used up all your sympathy cards, the only course of action left is to build up a sense of mystique. This means it’s time for Little Miss Princess Pupper to go on a vacation—literal or figurative, that part is up to you, and only you will know. This part is important! You can never discuss where the dog is going, or even acknowledge it went anywhere, leaving your followers to wonder, “wait a second, what happened to that dog she was constantly posting about?” Having all those people coming back to your profile, day after day, to see if you’ll acknowledge the case of the missing canine will be great for your engagement! So would the “what happened to the dog?? What r u hiding???” comments, if you could keep them up without ruining your brand. On the upside, deleting comments will only fuel more comments asking why you’re deleting comments.

Now, you might be asking, “but if I didn’t send the dog on a literal vacation, how is this helping me at all?” It’s simple: if someone or something isn’t being shared on social media, it doesn’t exist.

Return It

If there’s anything influencers have taught us in 2020, it’s that anything can be returnable—even children. If this creature with feelings and emotions just isn’t working for you, get rid of it, girl! Time to stop setting yourself on fire to keep other people warm—and yes, having to cancel a dinner reservation in the Hamptons that you’ve had for months to keep another living thing alive is basically setting yourself on literal, actual fire. It’s time to start prioritizing yourself, and only yourself. Self-care.

Images: Alexandra Tran / Unsplash

5 Ways To Tell If The Bodies You See On Instagram Are Fake

In the world of Instagram, it’s incredibly scary to see what people think is attractive. Social media has taken magazine and regular media editing and warped it even more, so now it may seem like everyone you know looks like Megan Fox or Kim Kardashian—perfect curves, teeny waists, striking features, and some light plastic surgery. But don’t worry, guys: pretty much everyone you see on Instagram is full of sh*t. Thankfully, most people who post like this on social media do not know what the f*ck they are doing, even when they should def have the budget to hire a decent photo editor (looking at you, Kylie. One billion dollars and not one person knows where your waist should be?). Especially since most of us are still staying home, it might seem like all you do is look at other people’s photos on Instagram, and if you’re not careful, this can get real toxic real quick. To save you from the B.S., I’m here to give you a few quick, easy tips to figure out whether someone on Instagram is misleading you.

1. Poses

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Same body, same underwear, different shape… On the left: – popped hip – underwear pulled high to waist – stretching up my torso – tensing my stomach muscles – sucking in my waist On the right: – relaxed Both images are my body that I love and am proud of. We don’t see unposed and relaxed images on IG often but I want to make it normal, because it is normal. You can completely transform the shape of your body through cleaver poses but at the end of the day, you should be so proud to share your relaxed and natural body because it’s beautiful just as it is. 💕

A post shared by Georgie Clarke (@georgie.clarke) on

I don’t really know who Georgie Clark is (a reality star, says Google?) but you should follow her immediately. She started posting her thirst trap photos with a twist, throwing in a real picture that isn’t perfectly posed to show you how important knowing your angles can be. It’s really cool to see because this is even before Facetune. Just knowing how to show your body at the right poses (and having proper lighting, but we’ll get there) can make you look completely different.

In the photo on the right, you can tell she’s fit, but has a super normal straight waist and minimal ab definition. According to Georgie’s post, if you see someone stretching out their torso, with a hip out, and clearly sucking in (spoiler: it’s all of them), IT IS STRATEGICALLY POSED and not this person’s body IRL. That’s also true if you see underwear or bathing suit bottoms over the hips—it’s a super flattering silhouette, but they probably don’t look like this all the time. I have zero (0) issues with posing strategically in photos and wearing flattering outfits. In fact, I think that’s pretty necessary to take your most flattering pics; just ask any pro photographer. But just know, this is an art that people spend a lot of time perfecting and it’s not what they look like 24/7.

2. Ribs/Waist

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Mad hot

A post shared by Sarah (@sarahfuckingsnyder) on

I don’t know who this chick is either (but apparently 1.8 million people do? Who are you people?) but after seeing this photo, I thought one thing immediately: Who TF does she think she’s kidding with this v v v fake Facetune waist job? Apparently, quite a few people. 175k at time of posting. This is the kind of sh*t I have a problem with. It’s not just posing your real body; it’s taking out body parts to fake what you look like. Thus creating the toxic AF wormhole we’re in as a society, especially for women. Sigh.

So, how do we know this photo is Facetuned (badly) and isn’t just well-angled, like Georgie’s? Take a look at Sarah’s stomach. Her sides are scooped out (and blurry BTW). Her ribs are smushed. This is anatomically incorrect. And how do we know this isn’t just her body? Well, here’s an easy little trick. Your bellybutton is actually level with your hip bones, so it basically sits at the widest part of your torso. The smallest part of your waist is actually right under the rib cage. Here’s the big mistake people make when they try to give themselves super cinched waists: they put the smallest part of their waist too close to their bellybutton instead. It gives you more of an hourglass figure, but unless you’re wearing a few pairs of Spanx, it’s just not possible. You can fake it by putting high-waisted stuff up on your hips (see above) but as we can see in this photo, Sarah’s waist indents are both too low and NOT at the bikini bottoms like Georgie’s is. Also, her waist is the same size as her head. Not possible without a corset because of, you know, organs. Why do influencers want to pretend they don’t have organs?

Here’s a throwback photo of Chrissy Teigen, for an example:

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the hell is this hair (2011)

A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on

This is her real stomach. You can tell because the smallest part of her stomach is under the ribs, while her bellybutton is at the widest part where her hipbones are. See how much higher up her waist indents are than Sarah’s? Even check out the above photo of Georgie Clark. In BOTH photos, even the posed one, her bellybutton lines up with her hipbones. Sarah tried to sidestep this by removing her hip bones entirely, but you guys are too smart for that BS now.

3. Legs

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a ray of fucking sunshine

A post shared by Kylie 🤍 (@kyliejenner) on

My rule with most celeb or influencer photos is that, if something looks off, it’s probably because it is. Take, for example, the giant leg craze of last year (simpler times, truly). We did a whole article on celeb-fave app Spring that gave everyone very scary Jack Skellington legs, but there are always a few ways to tell it’s being used. 1) The person looks like Jack Skellington, or this lovely 9-foot-tall Kylie monster, featured above. 2) Their feet are ENORMOUS from the stretching (LOL). 3) The background is stretched along with them (Kylie is on a boat, so it’s harder to tell, but check for it anyway). And 4) if all else fails, and you REALLY NEED TO KNOW whether this photo is real or fake, you can always bust out some anatomy skills and see if the person is disproportionately too tall.

4. Lighting

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Just a little reminder for Monday… you are beautiful from any angle, lighting or pose. You can see just how quickly I can change how my body looks from knowing: 1️⃣ Where the light is most flattering 2️⃣ What pose looks the best for my body 3️⃣ Which angle compliments my skin These are all tricks that every influencer and model has learnt so when you see “the best” shot on here… just remember it’s a snapshot of their real life and it doesn’t mean that’s the reality of what their body looks like. P.s does anyone know why when I post these videos on here it strips my tan? It takes the saturation out of my videos! So annoying 🤬

A post shared by Georgie Clarke (@georgie.clarke) on

These videos from Georgie are everything. We already talked about how important posing is, but here’s another video that shows the importance of good lighting! It’s all an illusion, guys. Everyone has fat, cellulite, and rolls no matter how thin or fit you are—it just is what it is. So how can you tell if lighting is hiding imperfections? Well, pay attention to where the sun and shadows are. If the shadows are soft rather than harsh, if the person is outside, or if it’s golden hour, chances are it’s just good lighting that’s making them appear so flawless. (You can read more about lighting here.) But this is why you don’t look like a supermodel under the fluorescent lights in your bathroom when you’re getting ready for the day. Because Georgie is a badass, here is another amazing photo of her in harsh lighting, with cellulite and stretch marks, not sucking in her stomach. Be nicer to yourself.

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It’s taken me a while to get here but Reality vs Reality ☺️ I posted a picture of my stretch marks a few days and YES I was sucking in (it’s like I can’t stop myself sometimes because my body’s been under so much scrutiny as a female for years!) I’m trying to unlearn this now as sometimes I do it without realising… how sad is that… that women can be doing normal everyday things and be uncomfortably sucking in all day because of the scrutiny her body has been put under?! Anyway, under this picture of my stretch-marks and me sucking in… A girl commented “How can I get a flat stomach like you?” I quickly replied and said “I’m sucking in to the point I can’t even breath 😂 “ Which then so many of you gorgeous people said… “We want to see the real shot then!” With all of your encouragement, kind words and amazing messages (even sharing my content) has really given me the confidence to finally post just my reality 😍 it’s a liberating place to be at and you’re all the people who’ve helped me get here. So THANK YOU, I don’t deserve you all but I’m bloody glad I have you all supporting me. Even if you can relate to just one of my posts or one caption has helped you then it’s worth it for me. 💕 #selflove #normalisenormalbodies

A post shared by Georgie Clarke (@georgie.clarke) on

5. Outfit

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just bringing a bit of reality to your Saturday morning workout sesh 🔥💪🏼 ⠀ ⠀ Do you find yourself thinking one of these photos is “healthier” than other? Why is that?⠀ ⠀ I have known my body for decades. I have known that dieting and exercising towards this “ideal” body shape has lead to unhappiness and toxic cycles of binging. ⠀ ⠀ And so I know now that my body is meant to look this way. We are in homeostasis. We are happy. ⠀ ⠀ You know your body and you know best . You have no obligations to let the social misconceptions of others change who you are . ⠀ ⠀ We are absolutely enough. ⠀ ⠀ @gymshark #gifted ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ #bodyacceptance #gymsharkwomen #gymshark #workoutoutfit #workoutclothes #matchingset #bikeshorts #backrolls #bighips #bodyneutrality #idealbody #antidiet #antidietculture #midsize #allbodiesaregoodbodies #effyourbeautystandards

A post shared by BODY ACCEPTANCE | Christine🦋 (@christinelarainee) on

Christine is another body-positive model that I follow, and you totally should, too. This picture shows how choosing clothing that fits well and hits you in the right spots can make a huge difference. Take the first pic of Georgie—she looks way smaller because her underwear is up on her hip bones, cinching her waist further. Here, Christine shows us the difference something as simple as pulling your pants up to your waist can make. You’ll probably notice all the celebs and influencers hike their pants high up on their hip bones for this same effect, too.

There are things on Instagram that I find really toxic, like creating a new body with Facetune. And there are photography tricks that I think are fine, because it’s at least your body, just showcased in a very specific way. But the bottom line is that none of these things are reality or what these people look like on the daily.

I hope this has been helpful and made you feel better about the content that’s being shoved down your throat. No matter how thin or perfect celebrities seem in photos, I promise you that it’s 99% bullsh*t—we didn’t even get into all the plastic surgery, makeup, hair stylists, and body makeup (yes, body makeup) that celebs also use!

What are little tricks and giveaways that tell you a photo isn’t real life? Do you compare yourself to the models, celebrities, and influencers you see on Instagram? Did you know how much goes into taking the “perfect” photo? How do you feel about the difference between posing vs. completely giving yourself a new waist via Facetune? LMK!

Image: Meital Anlen / Unsplash

Khloé Is Back At It Again With A New Face

Welcome to another day in quarantine, where every day is the exact same thing. Like that movie Palm Springs on Hulu (cannot recommend enough, BTW). In keeping with every single day being the exact same, guess what also hasn’t changed? Khloé Kardashian posted a face to Instagram that was definitely not her own.

But before we get to today’s aberration, I just want to point something else out. Remember a couple months ago when Khloé posted a *literally unbelievable* photo of “herself” aka the scary cyborg she morphs herself into via Facetune and claims is real life, and I broke it down for you? Amazingly, there were still some people that thought the photo was real life. Wellllll. Unfortunately, because Khloé seems to be unaware that she is extremely famous and on an extremely famous TV show, Keeping Up With The Kardashians themselves provided receipts for said photo.

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DEVASTATING

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S/O Dylan Hafer for the comparison and best commentary ever.

It turns out the only real thing about this photo was the boob highlight. Which hopefully if you’ve been reading these articles, you spotted from a mile away. Does she forget that she is ON TV and everyone knows exactly what her face looks like? This isn’t like models or influencers where the risk of us catching them in the wild is minimal. We see her real face every week on our TV screens!

It just could not be more different, these are not the same people?! Also, why is she removing her signature mole? But that’s not why we’re today, kids. Because yesterday, Khloé posted this.

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Mommy’s baby FOREVA!!!

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WHO is this? What’s so weird is this isn’t even the same person in her other edited photos. Legitimately, every picture she edits completely differently which really sells herself out.

I cannot stress this enough, this looks nothing like her real life face OR her previously edited face. Her eyes are big and stretched out, her skin looks like plastic with no shape under her eyes, her nose is slimmed out, her face is angled into a point, and her neck has a strange bulge in it from trying to sharpen her jawline. And her face does not match the skin color on her hands AT ALL. I honestly would have no idea who this even is.

But don’t worry, we also got THIS today:

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Good Sweats OUT NOW @goodamerican. 📸 @pierresnaps

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I would say this is maybe another angle of the chick from the last picture, but once again it does not match up. And it looks nothing like real life Khloé. I know the angle is different, but even still:

It’s not the same person. Her eyes are at least double the size, her nose is a totally different shape, her lips are enormous, she thinned her jaw and her neck, and even her eyebrow shape has changed. Once again, these features make you look LIKE YOU, you cannot just change them at random!

Here is my problem with this amount of editing. Khloé is beautiful on her own without it. Not to mention, although we hate to admit it, the Kar/Jenners are fashion/societal icons and, for a lot of people, role models. As problematic as they are, they’re a huge part in why being curvy came back into style—but then they consistently undo any positive influence they had on beauty standards when they perpetuate this scary cyborg puppet version of women as if that is what is or should be considered attractive. And the most toxic part is that, in actuality, they don’t even have it themselves and can only achieve these looks through plastic surgery, expensive treatments, and then polish it off with complete bullsh*t photo editing. It is the definition of toxic and I hope that one day Khloé will feel good enough about her REAL face and REAL body and REAL mole to truly own who she is. I’d way rather see Khloé be herself than continue to see these many changing faces and bodies that she thinks are cute but in real life are SCARY.

Do you guys agree that you’d rather see the real Khloé than these many edited versions of her? When does Facetune go too far to you? Why do you think people do this to their photos when we can easily provide receipts? LMK!

Images: Vivien Killilea/Getty Images for Abyss By Abby; dylanhafer, khloekardashian / Instagram

5 Black Women And Femmes You Should Be Following

There can be no discussion of the year 2020 without the mention of the name George Floyd, the 46-year-old black man who was brutally murdered at the hands of Derek Chauvin and three other police officers in Minneapolis, Minnesota this past May. And while George Floyd did not ask to be martyred, his brutal and untimely death awakened the world, and was undoubtedly the inciting incident for what many are calling the civil rights movement of 2020. Although it’s tough to say definitively if the uprisings we’ve seen this year can be compared to the civil rights movement of the 1960s (as that movement tenaciously lasted for more than 10 years), it is fair to say that the Black Lives Matter movement is certainly moving in that direction. And if, in fact, we are headed down that historic route, it would absolutely be because of the bold, radical, unapologetic voices guiding us, leading us down the path to revolution. 

It is no secret that black women and femmes have played a central role in the current Black Lives Matter movement—after all, it was a 17-year-old Black woman, Darnella Frazier, who bravely filmed George Floyd’s death, providing the world with the concrete video footage that made the misconduct surrounding his murder indisputable. But Black women and femmes have always had a unique perspective into structural injustice, probably because they have always been at the receiving end of most of it. Black women’s rights and interests routinely take a back seat to those of white women and cis black men. As such, you may have heard (whether directly from the source, Malcolm X, or indirectly from a pretty good source, Beyoncé) that “the most disrespected person in America is the black woman.” And perhaps it is because of this regular disrespect that Black women and femmes have sought to reclaim agency and use their voices to speak.

Over the past few months, Black women and femmes from all industries have been using their social media platforms to mobilize and educate the masses, creating a revolution for the digital age. They are leading the anti-racism conversation by saying what many people don’t have the courage to say; pushing the boundary and not accepting performative or shallow attempts at change; ensuring that the revolution will be televised (via Instagram), and that it will be inclusive and intersectional. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but here are some of the Black women and femmes that I follow who regularly challenge me to learn and do better—I highly recommend you consider following them as well. 

Sonya Renee Taylor, IG (@sonyareneetaylor)

 

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The viral video of Haley challenging her racist parents has gone viral for Folks inspired by her desire to stand up to her parents and advocate for Black people. However, Haley missed the mark and my hunch is most white folks do. STOP arguing with your white family about Black people. START talking about the sickness that is whiteness and how you and them have ingested it. White people talk about people of color so that they don’t have to deal with themselves and the culture and systems whiteness has created inside them. White people it is time to talk about WHITENESS and not about Black folks. #indefenseofblacklives #whitesupremacymustfall #whitestalkaboutwhiteness #healyourwhiteness #blacklivesmatter

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If you are like me, you first encountered Sonya Renee Taylor back in June after a video of hers went viral. The video was in response to another viral video on Tik Tok, which featured a well-intentioned yet slightly misguided teen attempting to have “the anti-racism talk” with her family. While most of the internet was applauding Haley for having any semblance of a talk with her family at all, Sonya Renee Taylor’s response video challenged us all to think more critically about what exactly it was that Haley and her family were debating: “Haley was arguing with her parents about whether or not Black people were worthy of life. The fact that that is a conversation is the problem.” Taylor was able to shift the conversation from the localized issue of Black lives simply mattering (a conversation that really shouldn’t be a conversation at all) to the more comprehensive, structural issue: “the delusions of white supremacy.” And that, in a nutshell, is Sonya Renee Taylor’s enthrall—she has the wonderfully unique ability to shed light on matters that challenge and defy the obvious perspective. In addition to her keen insights concerning racism, blackness, and white supremacy, she also commits to spreading discourse surrounding gender, fatphobia, and radical self love. So if you are looking to learn, be challenged, and pick up some lessons on how to love yourself radically and without apology, you must dive into the work of Sonya Renee Taylor and follow her on Instagram. 

Noname, Twitter (@noname)

if we believe black lives matter, we must also believe capitalism needs to be destroyed. as long as that system is in place and maintained by powerful elites, black people will die forever.

globally.

— 🌱 (@noname) July 26, 2020

Admittedly, it sort of feels weird telling you to follow Noname, because her whole thing is that we should divest from structural systems, celebrity culture being one of them. With that being said… you should follow Noname. Noname has been making music and uplifting POC interests and voices for years now, but she gained mainstream traction this past year. She’s been a dominant voice in the digital Black liberation conversation, regularly challenging her audience to read, learn, and think for themselves. What’s most compelling about Noname’s Twitter presence is she uses it as a means to not only talk the talk, but also walk the walk. You can find her calling out imperialism, the industrial prison complex, and the patriarchy; but, you can also find her calling herself out, owning past mistakes and gaps of knowledge she had before she learned better. As she poignantly points out, “growth is an embarrassing yet necessary part of the process.” 

Perhaps Noname’s biggest digital moment occurred this past June, when rapper J. Cole thought it would be constructive to derail from the movement and drop a tremendously odd single, accusing Noname of using a “queen tone” and thinking “ better than” him and other rappers in her efforts to speak up against structural oppression on Twitter. Noname’s eloquent retort came in the form of a 1 minute and 10 second song, the thesis essentially being: “he really ’bout to write about me when the world is in smokes?” With concision and flair, Noname defended herself while effortlessly redirecting the conversation back to the serious issues at hand. Noname uses her Twitter presence in a similar way, calling out problematic mainstream pop culture while consistently shedding light on critical societal issues. So if you want to be a part of her “new vanguard,” follow Noname on Twitter and consider joining her book club.

Ericka Hart, IG (@ihartericka)

 

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“In our culture privacy is often confused with secrecy. Open, honest, truth-telling individuals value privacy. We all need spaces where we can be alone with thoughts and feelings – where we can experience healthy psychological autonomy and can choose to share when we want to. Keeping secrets is usually about power, about hiding and concealing information.” -bell hooks ⠀ I have been so weary with this new wave of positing that “call outs” are harmful. In my classrooms, I have always contested with this logic – when you make a suggestion that things shouldn’t be called out- who are you protecting? I don’t know about y’all, but I come from a world that loves a secret. bell hooks in All About Love talks about our desire to keep secrets can be linked to slavery- an institution built on a lie, human traffickers lied, enslaved people had to lie to stay safe, institutions lie about what really happened, white washed history lies. ⠀ It’s revolutionary for secrets to be told. To call a thing a thing, rather than bury it in activism or Broadway. I have been apart of many organizing spaces/non profits etc that claimed radical and love, but resisted transparency. These two things can’t exist at the same time. ⠀ We don’t have a call out culture, we have an abuse protection culture. And that is the essence of white supremacy. ⠀ Thank you @jewel_thegem and @thechubbygoddess for the realest most healing IG live I’ve ever watched. Please go follow them and PAY THEM.

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I wish I could say that I’ve had the pleasure of following and engaging with Ericka Hart’s content long before this year, but alas, I, too, fell victim to bandwagon culture, and only discovered this dope account this past May. A self-proclaimed “racial/social/gender justice disruptor,” “sex educator,” and “breast cancer survivor,” Ericka Hart uses their social media platform to cover tons of ground on the journey to liberation and is, by far, one of the most engaging accounts I follow. Ericka Hart’s social media presence is unique in that their dialogue concerning social justice is dynamic—not only do they foster conversations that discuss plain truths about race and Blackness, but they also add unique depth to the discussion by examining matters of colorism and ableism. However, what specifically drew me to Ericka Hart’s account was their advocacy for the protection and uplifting of Black lives that exist beyond the scope of cis Black men. They were a dominant voice in May insisting that we not only demand justice for George Floyd and Ahmaud Arbery, but for Breonna Taylor, a Black woman, Tony McDade, a Black trans man, and countless other Black women and trans folks that have been murdered at the hands of injustice. I, myself, am constantly challenged by Ericka Hart, as they constantly provide the reminder that the revolution cannot be complete or effective if it does not seek to liberate all Black lives. Ericka Hart’s Instagram presence is also a healthy one to follow because they also use it as a platform to celebrate Black joy and Black love—regularly posting content with their partner, Ebony. It’s a radical reminder that the Black story is not one of plight but one of joy and abundance. So do yourself a favor and follow Ericka Hart.

Ziwe, IG (@ziwef)

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watch my livestream on Thursday at 8 pm EST with @yassir_lester and Alyssa Milano

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One of the most powerful adages that has come out of the last couple of months is “the revolution has many lanes.” And I think it’s safe to say that the lane of the revolution that’s “activism through humor” has been monopolized by writer and comedian, Ziwe Fumudoh. Hosting a weekly show on Instagram Live, Ziwe attracts crowds in the thousands as they eagerly watch as she talks with notable people—predominantly white people—about race in America and skillfully baits them into an incorrect, often cringeworthy answer. What’s most fascinating about Ziwe’s show is that her practice of “baiting” really isn’t baiting at all—she just asks questions and simply waits for answers. Without fail, and despite days of preparation and sometimes even tangible notecards, guests will always say the wrong thing—revealing that even the most well-prepared, well-intentioned white people have some kind of implicit bias that they need to reckon with. Previous guests have included infamous white women like Caroline Calloway, Alison Roman, and Alyssa Milano, but Ziwe has also interviewed people of other races, like Jeremy O. Harris, forcing him to discuss his use of Black women’s bodies on stage in his seminal work, Slave Play. At the end of every interview, Ziwe asks her guest what the audience has been wondering the whole time: why the hell did you agree to come on this show? And the guest’s answer is almost always the same: part of doing the work is being made to feel uncomfortable and humbling yourself in order to learn. And that’s the Ziwe influence—she’s created a public platform for those willing to be challenged and learn, while allowing her audience to heal through community and catharsis as they watch the process take place. If you’re not familiar with Ziwe, please join us in the year 2020 and give her a follow!

Rachel Cargle, IG (@rachel.cargle)

 

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A quick mid week sermon. • If your only goal is to “break the glass ceiling” consider who all those shards of glass will be falling on if you’re not bringing the most marginalized women with you. • Listen to me closely: if your feminism simply means “getting even” with white men it’s not ever going to be an intersectional, inclusive and justice based movement. • Drop a comment or emoji below and let me know you HEAR me. I need you to hear me. • #feminism #womanism #glassceiling #womensrights #womanhistory #womenshistorymonth #quarantine #dogsofinstagram #catsofinstagram #pnwonderland #howdarling #teachersofinstagram #boymom #taylorswift

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If there is any account that I am 90% certain you’ve encountered over the past few months, it’s Rachel Cargle’s—and it should be Rachel Cargle’s, as she uses her platform predominantly as a means for education and activism. Upon scrolling through her IG feed, one of the first things of note is that her academic and mobilization efforts far precede this year’s events. Cargle has been guiding the conversation on race and womanhood in support of the revolution for years, even though many of us have only come around recently to receive her words. She regularly promotes the work of “unlearning” through learning, and curates monthly reading lists and lectures via her online platform The Great Unlearn (a patreon you should subscribe to!). 

But what sets Rachel Cargle apart from other activists is that a central part of her work is providing tools and resources for her audience to ensure that learning doesn’t stop at required reading, but is further translated into action. For example, when much of the world was posting open letters to their schools, universities, and workplaces to expose them for unjust practices and racist ideals, Rachel Cargle took to her Instagram account to take it one step further: providing her audience with a template for how they, too, can hold the institutions in their lives accountable for structural injustice. In addition to these accountability templates, she also curated a 30-day Do the Work challenge and posted tangible ways to decolonize your bookshelf, continuing the idea that activism must be combined with action in order to really effect change and mobilize a revolution. So if you’re looking to become a student in the masterclass on effective activism, follow Rachel Cargle on Instagram. 

A prevailing question on the minds and lips of many this past year has been: “How long will this movement last?” “Is this movement just a moment?” But it’s been three months since the murder of George Floyd, and the movement is still prospering. While the momentum has, naturally, oscillated, its heartbeat is still strong. Why? Because we have leaders: Black women and femmes, the new generation of activists—our new vanguard—who have committed themselves to the endurance of this movement. While it may be easy at times to be defeatist and feel overcome and overwhelmed by how far we have to go, optimism lies in the comfort that we are being led in this revolution by some of the brightest, most talented minds out there. And we can access all of them through the proximity of our smartphones. We simply have no choice but to stan these women and femmes (and send them some coin to pay them for their labor).   

Images: Angelo Moleele / Unsplash; sonyareneetaylor, ihartericka, ziwef, Rachel.cargle / Instagram; Noname / Twitter

A Breakdown Of ‘The Feeling Is Virtual’ Contestants

Here we all are, three months into quarantine with nothing to look forward to except for the clock striking 2pm 5pm so we can pour our first glass of wine. Listen, I know a lot is going on in this world and I do not want to be the person who complains about trivial things, but here I am… complaining about trivial things. Not enough people are talking about how there’s going to be a mega lull in what’s on television because nothing is filming. We know The Bachelor had to push back Clare Crawley’s season, they stopped production on The Handmaid’s Tale, and every other show’s reunions are happening on Zoom. As a 30-year-old gay man who has little else to look forward to, I naturally began to panic. BUT fortunately for me, and all of you, Betches has decided to not let a little worldwide pandemic get in the way of a good old fashioned dating show, and we’re taking you on our journey. 

We all know and love our resident meme queen and co-host of The Betchelor podcast, Kay York City (aka Kay Brown), and know she deserves to find all the love in the world! Tired of waiting for the right guy to stroll through her living room in New York where she is quarantining, we decided we’d bring the men to her through an online dating show we’re calling The Feeling is Virtual. Get it? We had a lot of applicants, but only a few were worthy for the chance to win Kay’s heart.

These are the lucky men competing for Kay’s virtual love through a series of Zoom, Instagram Live, and FaceTime dates. Will we get to watch them make out?? No. Don’t be f*cking gross. But we will get to watch them get embarrassed about their old IG posts and avoid awkward questions without being able to leave the room!

Now that you have some background, let’s get into our batch of single hopefuls: 

Ravindra, 29, Hoboken 

 

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🧢 @kith : $60 👕 @vibebin_ : $25 Experiences made in 🇵🇹: priceless #lisbon

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If I’m being honest, at first glance Ravindra didn’t seem too exciting to me. A 29-year-old accountant from Hoboken, New Jersey is pretty much everyone in Hoboken. If you’ve never been, it’s kind of like New York’s Financial District—aka a bunch of guys in suits drinking beer and saying “bro.” But with an Instagram handle like @champagneravii, I knew there had to be more than meets the eye, and I was not disappointed. 

A deep dive of Ravindra’s Instagram revealed an explorer with a sea of corny captions, and if there’s anything that makes me say, “awww, he’s sweet,” it’s a dad joke in an Instagram caption. This man literally has traveled the entire world. Like, walking through glaciers, snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef, white water rafting in the biggest commercial waterfall in the world, and luging in New Zealand. If this was Sex and the City, he would be the Russian guy Carrie moves to Paris for…but let’s hope things work out better than that for Ravindra and Kay. 

Kerry, 28, Seattle

 

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Will consult for cookies #ibm #cookiemonster #KookyKerryCookie #SugarAddict #SugarLobby☠️ #MomYourHomemadeCookiesStillTakeTheCake🥰!!! #That’sHowTheCookieCrumbles photocred: @denny.daniel.photography

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Come through, cute redhead! I’m a sucker for red hair, and this particular redhead is incredibly handsome and outdoorsy, like the lead romantic interest in a Hallmark movie. While his glasses add to his Seattle aesthetic, I can’t help but imagine the moment he takes them off and lets his hair down before he and Kay share their first foot-popping kiss. His casting video started with a rhyme, which normally would send me running for the hills, but something about his Pacific Northwest vibe makes using poetry as a pick-up line all the more romantic. Plus, he loves riding bikes and all of that cutesy bullsh*t, and as someone who loves movies about the outdoors, I’m totally into it. 

Rodney, 25, Brooklyn

 

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2019 was a crazy year for me. had 3 different jobs, i moved 3 times in the same borough, i shot my first independent film, and much more. can’t wait to show the world what I’ve been working on. one thing i learned is that if you don’t do anything, absolutely nothing will happen. ain’t nobody calling you or knocking on your front door with opportunities. you gotta be hungry! stay tuned.. 🎬 #bjp #kyp

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Ah, to be 25 again. The youngest of our contestants, Rodney has a glimmer of hope about him that is hard to come by with anybody that’s lived longer than 26 years and gotten kicked off their parents’ health insurance. A director, actor, and writer who isn’t afraid to talk about his sister being his best friend is definitely something that we all can get down with. Am I saying that because he can potentially make me a star? Absolutely. But I’m also saying it because he’s like… super attractive. 

Jake, 28, New York City

 

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He thought I smelled pretty good 😊 #latergram

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Halfway through Jake’s casting video, he realized there was a stuffed seal on the shelf behind him, and in a weird way it was very charming. What’s better than a software engineer who notices a stuffed seal behind them during their casting video, blushes, and then hides it before going on about what an amazing woman Kay appears to be? I don’t want to sound too materialistic here, but Jake is a software engineer… and that means money, honey. I know Kay’s looking for love, but I’m not. I’m looking for cute, rich, and sweet, all of which are boxes we can check off for Jake. 

Anthony, 29, Hoboken 

 

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. . Today in class we spoke on the word CLIMB. . . How when living in a city that is moving so fast, and sometimes unattainable, that we feel our goals slipping away every day. . . So how do we CLIMB? How do we reach our goals, and work towards the top of the hill when negativity is weighing us down? . . I challenged todays class to CLIMB every minute in class. Push the pace tempo on every run 0.1 to start, and finish 0.3 higher in every sprint. . . I challenged the bags and the weights to push themselves in combos that they seemed timid to try, and exercises that were out of their daily routines. . . Today I got to climb. I witnessed a client who at one point was terrified of the treadmill, hit their PR sprint in the double digits. . . Today I saw someone CLIMB right in front of me, and they didnt do it for anyone else besides themselves. . . As a coach that is the greatest CLIMB I have reached in my career, and I look forward to CLIMBING these mountains constantly with you all @gritbxng . . . So thank you @shes.got.grit , @dylanzanker , @realbillzanker , and the entire @gritbxng for allowing me to CLIMB to my highest potential. . . NEW SCHEDULE FOR THE REST OF OCT! MON: 7:30PM TUES: 4:30/6:30PM WED: 5:30PM/8:30PM THURS: 6:30PM FRI: 6:30PM SAT: 11:45AM SUN: 9:30/11:45AM . . Thats right. 7 days to CLIMB towards your goals with me! . . COMMENT BELOW ON YOUR OWN FITNESS CLIMB! Lets elevate together! . . 📸: @jorgeq . . #ownyourgrit #gritbxing #gritbxng

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A fitness instructor who works for Google? Yes please! Not only does Anthony appear to be superbly attractive, but a quick browse through his Instagram gives me a sense that he’s a genuinely kind person who cares about issues that affect the world. He even stripped for charity once! With the highest follower count of all of Kay’s guys, I was afraid we were going to encounter a hot guy with no substance behind him, but thankfully that doesn’t seem to be the case. Though many of his photos are in muscle shirts and backwards baseball caps, a lot of his photos are also shirtless and he has a nice smile, so it’s totally worth a thorough browse through his entire feed! With what little we have to look at before actually getting to know these guys, I’ll settle for what Anthony’s Instagram has to offer. 

Brad, 27, Washington, D.C.

 

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Never needed a haircut more in my life 😫

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Okay, so Brad from D.C. has something that a lot of the other guys have yet to convey via Instagram, and that’s swagger. Nothing melts me more than a charming guy with swag, so I needed a minute after scrolling through his page. While he posts a lot of TikToks—which I would usually find incredibly cringey—he can actually dance and doesn’t look like a fool. In a video posted to his Instagram from his apparent podcast, he talks about sliding into a girl’s DMs, which initially was a red flag, but tbh who hasn’t been sliding into DMs during quarantine? And I, for one, would not mind if he slid into my, err, sorry, I mean into Kay’s DMs. 

Ryan, 30, White Plains, NY

 

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Out here they call me Le Paigé 🇫🇷

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Is Ryan the “hot” one of the season? While he is very aesthetically pleasing, his Instagram doesn’t offer a whole lot of insight into who he is or what he’s about. We know he’s a realtor, which if I’m judging by reality television, means he does pretty well money-wise. He also has great hair, a great smile, perfect teeth, and an amazing apartment. So I mean, yes he is objectively hot. 

There appear to be a lot of photos with him and an ex-girlfriend on his page, which means one of two things: either he is not over this beautiful ex of his OR he is over his ex and doesn’t take social media too seriously. As someone who is addicted to their social media presence, I find nothing more attractive than a man who couldn’t care less about it. It probably has something to do with the fact that I know he likes me for me and not my social media presence, and also that I’ll always have more followers than him, so I guess Kay will have to decide if those are traits she’s looking for! Or maybe he’s still into his ex and this will all crash and burn! Only time will tell. 

Alex, 29, Chicago

 

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Yes, Hallie. I will be your Maid of Honor.

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Ah, Alex. How little you post on Instagram makes you quite hard to figure out. In his casting video he explained that he wants to drink multiple bottles of wine with Kay and just talk about stuff, which makes him a man after my own heart. Maybe things won’t work out with him and Kay in a post-quarantine world. He lives in Chicago, Kay lives in New York, but who knows, maybe one night after a bottle or two of sauvignon blanc, he’ll book a plane ticket to come propose! 

With eight very eligible contestants, Kay will have a hell of a time deciding which one of them is the next Mr. York City. It’s not a spot that I envy, per se, but I don’t not wish that one of my biggest problems right now was having too many men wanting to date me. I can’t wait to see who Kay picks, and would like to publicly state to Kay: whoever you do not choose, please send them my way. 

Watch the latest episode of The Feeling Is Virtual to find out who made the cut and who got blocked.

 

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Welcome back to The Feeling Is Virtual. This week, @kayyorkcity goes on her first group date to get to know the guys. The winner gets live one-on-one time with Kay, which is happening Thursday at 8pm ET right here on IG. This also means it’s time for our first elimination. Get ready to slide in those DMs if your fave gets sent home—well, he was already home… you know what we mean. ⭐️: @fatcarriebradshaw @rodrixo @jake_magid @whats_his_ethnicity @kerryahecker @champagneravii @yo_soy_jewski @anthonycrouchelli @paigeybaby23

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