You’re mindlessly swiping through your dating app of choice when you come across the mysterious instance of a guy who puts his Instagram handle in his profile. What are you supposed to do with that? Does he actually want you to have the chance to learn more about him beyond the six pictures currently available to you? Or is just a f*ckboy move? He’s basically giving you permission to stalk him, right? In the latest episode of our U Up? podcast, Jared and Jordana discussed their opinions on this suspicious tactic. Jared, a male himself, broke down what guys’ real intentions are when they use it.
1. It’s An Excuse For You To Give Him Your Insta
Jordana’s first impression of the issue was totally positive; she trusted that guys do it as a way to say, “For more information, click here.” But Jared, our window to the male psyche, has a theory that if you are automatically granted your match’s Instagram, this gives him the ammo he needs to ask you for your Instagram. You have his, so now you owe him yours! It’s just returning the favor, he doesn’t make the rules. Now he can go look at all the pictures of you he wants, like, in a creepy way. Jared said the way guys put their Insta handle in their dating app bios is “like putting cheese out for the mouse”—as bait, basically.
2. It’s A Gateway To Slide Into The DMs
Why does a guy want your Instagram anyway, aside from the opportunity to look at your bikini pics? It’s simple: once the guy has successfully acquired your Instagram, he has full access to take the conversation into the DMs. Jared explained, “Now they’re in DM land, and that’s where casual happens.” So apparently, Instagram handle guys are so manipulative that they can make you vulnerable to them without doing anything to actually earn the comfort level required to get to the DMs. And here we were thinking we just had a better way to get to know their personalities! Wow.
3. Which Is A Gateway To The “U Up?” Message
According to Jared, guys think, “I wanna see your Instagram because I just wanna DM with you so that we can gain some trust…and we can go meet up late at night.” I truly underestimated guys’ propensity for Blair Waldorf-level scheming. No, Blair Waldorf wouldn’t plant the seed for a successful “U up?” text, but she would know just how to set someone up to do exactly what she wants.
4. It Makes It Less Douchey To Ghost You
When the “U up?” comes from DM land, guys can ghost you and cover their douchey tracks. “If you’re texting or messaging on Instagram or something that isn’t your phone number, that becomes the excuse for ‘We’re not even that close, we don’t even text,’” Jared said, and therefore it doesn’t count for as bad of an offense. Or at least the guy can tell himself that in order to sleep better at night. The bar really is the floor here.
5. It Sets You Up For Disappointment
If you use a guy’s Instagram page to learn more about him and it makes you actually like him enough to get invested in him and think he is the man for you, then you might get disappointed when he’s not as interested as you are. If you’re selective in who you decide to actually talk to and consider going on a first date with, then stalking his Instagram only to become more and more interested could leave you hurt when, after all, he is the asshole who put his Instagram bio in his dating profile just to get into your DMs (and eventually, pants). Jared told Jordana, as his dad always says, “The honest one always gets f*cked.” In this case, figuratively AND literally.
If you want to hear more about the Instagram handle tactic, listen to the latest U Up? episode below.
Images: Erik Lucatero / Unsplash; Giphy (3); Tenor