The two things I love to hate on most, Kylie Jenner and influencer trips, converged over the weekend when Kylie Jenner posted pictures from her #kylieskinsummertrip. Oh boy *rubs hands together like Bird Man* this is going to get good. I know what you’re thinking (because I was already thinking it), and yes, Kylie Skin already launched, but this trip is to promote a few new products that are launching on July 22—namely, the BODY line. So, there is a reason for the Kylie Skin Summer Trip besides just Kylie Jenner being extra and flaunting her wealth (however flimsy that reason may be).
Me to me: Wait, but doesn’t Kim already have a perfume named Body?
Guess it doesn’t matter. Just goes to show you how original these so-called billionaires are. Anyway! In an Instagram post on Saturday, Kylie posted a video of the new products, writing in the caption, “This summer trio is all about B O D Y ✨ Coconut Body Lotion, Coconut Body Scrub, and our Broad Spectrum SPF 30 Sunscreen Oil. You will fall IN LOVE with these products launching July 22nd along with the restock of our first drop!”
My immediate impression of these products was twofold: one, this is some sparse packaging. Like, this looks like the kind of skin care your friends from high school try to hawk on Facebook for $300 a bottle. Two, the term “sunscreen oil” sounds misleading (is it sunscreen or is it tanning oil?), and I would not trust any type of sun protection from Kylie Jenner, a woman who is rocking a year-round tan. A tan is still skin damage, people!
But that’s not why we are here today, friends. We are here because instead of just dropping this sh*t on her website and Instagram or wherever, where it will likely sell out immediately anyway, Kylie Jenner orchestrated her own one-woman Revolve trip to promote these products. Just as fast-fashion apparel companies will invite a bunch of influencers to Turks and Caicos to promote their products, Kylie Jenner invited her friends also to Turks and Caicos to “celebrate” (read: promote) her launch. Along for the ride, according to PEOPLE, are her BFF Stassie Karanikolao (@stassiebaby), Sofia Richie, makeup artist Ariel Tejada, Kylie’s assistant, Victoria Villarroel, her photographer, Amber Asaly, and of course, Stormi.
As we know from the party Kylie threw for Stormi’s first birthday, when Kylie Jenner (or her event planner) put on an event, they put out all the stops. (Must be nice to have unlimited access and funds.) The party started on an actual private jet that Kylie had wrapped with the Kylie Skin logo and branding colors. Casual. There were also flight attendants decked out in matching outfits, in the Kylie Skin pink and white, to greet them at the end of a pink carpet. For Kylie’s sake, I hope those flight attendants were fake, because I’d be concerned that someone in a 1950s pinup wig and skintight dress might have some difficulties saving my life in the event of an emergency.
Everyone also got matching tie-dye sweatsuits, because apparently 2008 is back in a big way. And, it looks like, silk Kylie Skin pillowcases, eye masks, and scrunchies. Kylie also gave everyone a gift bag of Kylie Skin product, as well as pink clothes from Scott Disick’s clothing company. There are even personalized coconuts, but as a person who went to an event that had personalized coconuts, that’s not really that big of a deal. I’d reserve your jealousy for the free tropical vacay and trip on a private jet.
Kylie and friends are apparently staying at a gorgeous mansion with a pool—of course, I would expect nothing less. That brought about this Instagram:
“Hakuna matata”? Easy for you to say, Kylie. I would have no worries too if I was a billionaire.
Basically, this trip is ridiculous and ostentatious, but so is everything that Kylie Jenner does. I know everyone is freaking out about this trip, but I’m like, not that impressed. Not because I can even come close to affording any of this sh*t, but because this is pretty par for the course for Kylie. Honestly, given what we know she is capable of putting off, dare I say, it’s pretty tame? Aside from the wrapped PJ and the coconuts (which I looked up and are not really that expensive, at about $14 per coconut), there’s not that much that’s totally crazy. Yeah, they’re staying in a mansion, but they’d do that at Kylie’s house. I’m just waiting for some huge blowout bash where Kylie like, constructs a club in the shape of a sunscreen bottle (and if she does that, I will be hunting her down for a commission).
I don’t know how long this trip will last, but if you really care, you can follow the #kylieskinsummertrip hashtag on Instagram (but if you do really care that much, might I recommend seeking help?). You can also buy the Kylie BODY products when they launch on July 22. They probably won’t give you Kylie Jenner’s body, but they will give you a lame dad joke so you can tell people you have Kylie’s body—and that’s basically the same thing.
Images: kyliejenner / Instagram
There’s something that’s just so fascinating about influencers and the lives they lead. Like, who takes all their pictures? How much money are they really making? I think the reason we all love to rag on influencers is that what they do is ridiculous, but we’re all still a little bit jealous. I’m convinced it’s why so many people have been following Marissa Casey Fuchs’s “surprise” live engagement that unfolded on Instagram stories. It’s why we all felt a smug sense of satisfaction when Arii couldn’t sell enough clothes to launch her retail line. And it’s why I f*cking cannot even with Amaryllis, a fast fashion brand that is taking a bunch of influencers on an “immersive travel experience” called #AmaryllisAbroad, where, according to the press release I received, “like-mind influencers will network, grow their brands, cultivate relationships and create lasting memories.”
Ugh, barf. This sounds like the most obnoxious bachelorette party ever. Like, really, what is an “immersive travel experience”? Just call it a trip. That’s what it is. All travel is immersive, I’m pretty sure.
So here’s what’s happening. Amaryllis Apparel is taking eight influencers to Turks and Caicos. The influencers will stay in a 15-bedroom oceanfront villa (but why, if there are only 8 influencers?) and “participate in a fun-filled itinerary which includes horseback riding on the beach, sunset cruises, spa days and brunches on the beach.” First of all, I will forgive you, Amaryllis, for losing my invite in the mail my DMs. Second of all, damn, this sounds fun. I’m not bitter, you’re bitter!
As for the identities of the hateful lucky eight recipients of this incredible trip? We’ve got Ashlee Nichols (@ashleeknichols), who has 235K followers on Instagram; Ashley Hargrove (@dtkaustin), who boasts 139K followers; Caitlin Covington (@cmcoving), with a whopping 964K (I bet Caitlin is pissed to be on the same trip as these lowly 100K peasants); Dani Austin (@daniaustin), with 261K followers; Jessi Afshin (@jessi_afshin), who’s got 295K followers; Jordan Underwood (@jordanunderwood), who has 277K devoted fans; Savannah Roach (@savrosee), who has A MERE 23.7K people “asking about her hair routine” (seriously, how did she get on this trip); and finally, rounding out this list is Shea Leigh Mills (@shealeighmills), with 220K followers.
Let’s take a gander at the lucky ladies, shall we?
Wow, what a truly diverse cast of characters we have here! I’m honestly surprised they aren’t all named Ashley and Caitlin, and furthermore, that we have no Laurens in the group. I guess being a travel/lifestyle/fashion influencer is mostly a white girl’s game, but not even one redhead??
#AmaryllisAbroad is happening now, from June 19th through June 24th, so you can hate-stalk all these ladies’ stories this weekend. Amaryllis also launched a collection called the #AmaryllisAbroad Collection, in case you want to dress like a person who starts 70% of their Instagram Stories with “Heyyyyy guyssssss.” The collection features pieces that are actually very cute and super affordable, like this $35 jumpsuit.
