Cuffing season is a lovely annual reminder that the weather is getting colder and you’re (I’m) still single AF. It’s common knowledge that you’re supposed to lock someone down in the winter months BUT APPARENTLY (!!) people who are already cuffed up ALSO seek new partners during this time. In other words, they cheat *stares blankly into the void*. Ashley Madison, the world’s leading married dating site, recently compiled last year’s winter signup data to release their Winter Wanderlust list, which has nothing to do with beautiful, snowy travel spots and everything to do with uncovering where the cheaters hide out (or come out to play?) in the US when the temperature starts to drop.
Okay, first off, we see that New Jersey, California, and Arizona clearly dominate the list. Like, WTF? I can understand Las Vegas, because it’s literally called Sin City and whatever happens there magically stays there. But why NJ, the smelliest place on earth?! And does California even have winter?? What’s y’all’s excuse?
Isabella Mise, Director of Member Relations at Ashley Madison, breaks it down for us. “New Jersey, which has two cities on the list, is a travel hub with a major airport in close proximity to New York City. Both Newark and Jersey City house many people commuting to and from Manhattan for work, meaning it’s easier to facilitate extramarital encounters,” she explains. “California saw the most cities on the list, and while they don’t see the frigid temperatures that the east coast does, temperatures still drop along with inhibitions.” Depressing and definitely contributing to my already high trust issues, but OK.
The busiest time of the year for Ashley Madison (in terms of highest global signups) is the month of January, which is shocking? I’d totally think summer is prime time for cheating because people go out more often, might be turned on by hot half-naked people at the beach, or are more likely to not give a sh*t about anything after drinking too many piña coladas at the bar… IDK. I don’t relate to this at all. But Mise has an answer as to why. “We forget that the colder months fuel the human desire for a warm body to sleep next to. It’s hard not to want someone to cozy up to while the temperature drops, especially when you’re in a sexless marriage.” So, essentially the reason cuffing season became a term in the first place. I guess the urge to cuff doesn’t stop when you get married? Bleak.
It actually is kind of sad, because as Mise explains, “In these instances where the physical intimacy you once shared with your spouse has vanished and you feel more like roommates than lovers, extramarital sex could give that surge in dopamine you need to heed off those winter blues.” I personally cuddle up with multiple blankets, my favorite sex toys, and way too many cups of Bailey’s hot chocolate in the winter, but to each their own.
January also follows a period of stressful holiday obligations and an OD amount of family time, which apparently motivates married people to find someone on the side to relieve that frustration with. “Things like entertaining in-laws and extended family, increased spending, and managing hectic calendars many of our members to see the cracks that exist in their monogamous relationships,” says Mise, adding that “these individuals are asserting a ‘new year, new me’ mentality.” I usually think of “new year, new me” as going to the gym once a week or not getting blackout drunk every weekend anymore, and not literally adopting a double life. But I guess I can’t come at them for being technically accurate?
OH! And if you’re thinking men are the main cheaters here, you’re sadly mistaken. Women are just as drawn to non-monogamy as men, and—wait for it—are actually even MORE drawn to it. F*ck. “Currently, the ratio on our site is 1.11 active females for every 1 active paid male,” says Mise. So chill out, men’s rights activists, it’s pretty balanced.
And, according to Ashley Madison’s recent female-focused infidelity study, “women are just as likely to get bored of having only one partner as men are. Many of them find themselves in either sexless or orgasmless relationships over time, which directly coincides with lowered attraction levels toward their spouse. When describing their marriage, these women used terms like ‘functional,’ ‘mundane,’ and ‘sexless.’” I’m no relationship therapist here, and I’m not married with kids so I have no idea what these people go through or what options they have, but hey, maybe break up with your partner if you’re unhappy with your relationship/sex life instead of cheating on them? Or if you can’t end it, propose having an open relationship to see what your partner says, because they’re probably just as unhappy with having no orgasms as you are? Just a thought. You do you, boo boos.
Anyway, that’s the tea on infidelity. Interpret this data however you want. Either stay far away from these unfaithful US cities during cuffing season… or go to them. Or realize that correlation does not equal causation! Pick your poison. Best of luck staying warm out here and finding a faithful partner in these ice cold streets.
Images: Unsplash, Ashley Madison
In other words, both men and women can tell with “above-chance accuracy,” simply from looking at his face, whether a man is likely to cheat (aka his potential infidelity). Honestly, I’d say that most of me and my friends’ dating experience goes against this particular finding—but on the other hand, isn’t the problem that we do always see the red flags (or likelihood to cheat) and forge ahead anyway? Something to think about. The study went on to say that participants were using “facial masculinity” to judge the pictured men’s unfaithfulness. According to these researchers, facial masculinity is a “well-established signal of propensity to adopt short-term mating strategies.”
For God’s sake. If anyone lets the f*ckboys of this generation hear the phrase “short-term mating strategies,” it’s all over. (“It’s not that I don’t want to date, I’m just evolutionarily designed for short-term mating strategies!” Kill me.) Another more candid portion of the study lays it out like this: “male masculinity positively related to preference for uncommitted sex and multiple matings.” You heard it here first, guys: run away from that strong jaw. It does explain a lot about Luke P.’s whole face and energy, not to mention that of every athlete who’s ever cheated on a Kardashian. I’d personally be hard-pressed to describe Lamar Odom as having a feminine face, just saying.
her: are you cheating on me
me: why would you say that?
her: i found a hair straightener in your bathroom
me: [too embarrassed to tell her that every morning i use it on my ass hair] yes i’m cheating on you
— viking (@notviking) September 3, 2018
People who make all of their life choices based on their ~zodiac sign~ are truly my favorite breed of human. Like, there are more than 7.5 billion people in the world, and you’re telling me that all of them fit neatly into 12 categories because everyone in those categories subscribes to the exact same personality traits?! Wow, Bethenny. Wow. Yes, I’m fully aware it sounds like I don’t buy into all of this zodiac sh*t, but I 100% do because I need to blame all of my terrible life choices on something other than my poor decision-making skills and inability to ignore “I miss you” texts.
Yes, I will admit that some zodiac stuff is absolute garbage, but some of it is pretty real! So for this installment of “I let my zodiac tell me what to do,” I’d like to discuss how you should engage in romantic situations based on your sign, using the findings of an EduBirdie survey that tested the relationship tendencies of each zodiac sign. Are you a loyal betch or a betch with a wandering eye? Let’s find out, shall we?
Aries
According to horoscope.com, Aries “will never do something just because everyone else is doing it.” Fair enough. The main qualities of Aries are: competitive, loyal, smart and impulsive. This honestly sounds like every guy I’ve ever dated, minus the loyal part. EduBirdie found that Aries act on instinct and, because of this, will likely stray from a relationship if the moment presents itself. Ever the opportunist, right? Look, if you’re an Aries/sh*tty person and find yourself banging someone who isn’t your significant other, don’t lie about it. Honesty and begging for forgiveness are always the best policy, so after you’ve determined that you haven’t caught an STD from banging a rando in the bathroom of a bar, tell your partner and pray they can still see the good qualities of Aries, like the fact that ageless angel Paul Rudd is also an Aries.
Taurus
“Smart, ambitious, and trustworthy, Taurus is the anchor of the zodiac,” according to horoscope.com. Can someone please explain what the “anchor of the Zodiac” is supposed to mean? Much appreciated. Anyway, back to the survey: “17% of Taurus have or have come close to cheating, whereas the strong majority believe in steadfast fidelity.” Now, that’s something worth believing in! Too bad there are apparently no Tauruses left in the world, amiright? Taurus are also practical and sensual, which makes them grounded and dependable in relationships. If any Taurus out there would like to apply for the position of a thirsty Virgo’s boyfriend (it’s me, I’m the thirsty Virgo), please do so in the comments or in my DMs.
Gemini
Greetings and condolences to anyone who has ever had to deal with a Gemini. EduBirdie says, “Expressive and curious, people born under Gemini typically prefer casual relationships, which isn’t surprising given nearly one-third (31%) have or have come close to cheating on a significant other.” For an unbiased survey, this seems like a pretty solid roast, if you ask me! I do agree, though. Gemini are famous for having split personalities, and I am not a fan. Put more nicely, horoscope.com says, “Gemini is characterized by the Twins, Castor and Pollux, and is known for having two different sides they can display to the world.” Same sh*t, though. Clap once if you’ve ever dated a Gemini who said he can’t date you because serious relationships go against his sign. I’m clapping, are you?
Cancer
It is my personal belief that, despite its horrible name, that Cancer is the best zodiac sign. EduBirdie says, “Sentimental and compassionate, these water signs are guided by their nurturing dispositions. In touch with their feelings and true to commitment, only 13% have or have come close to cheating, with most remaining faithful.” I’m picking up what Cancer is putting down. Is there a way to filter my Ship feed to show only Cancer? Asking for a friend.
Leo
“Leos are all about the drama, with fiery personalities and the actions to show it; 36% have either cheated or have come close to it, letting relationships burn before them.” Is it just me, or are these impartial survey findings very opinionated? Look, if you’re a Leo, just make some sort of effort to, like, not act like a Leo in your relationship. On the upside, Leos are blessed with high self-esteem, which now that I think about it, I’m not so sure is a good thing? Is this why Leonardo DiCaprio only dates models half his age? Just a theory. Whatever.
Virgo
Ah, the best sign of all the signs. And I’m not just saying that because I am a Virgo. “Virgos are known for loyalty and practicality, and that reputation extends to relationships. Only 6% have considered straying from a relationship,” EduBirdie says. Only 6% is pretty good, y’all. Find yourself a Virgo if you want to experience what being treated well feels like. Virgos are “smart, sophisticated, and kind, and they get the job done without complaining. Virgos are also amazing friends.” In other words, Virgos have no flaws.
Libra
Ah, another sign who stans fidelity! “Diplomatic and gracious, Libras crave typical romance. EduBirdie’s survey findings showed only 7% have considered engaging with someone other than their partner.” For those of you who skimmed that stat, I’d like to note that it says only 7% have considered cheating, not have cheated. Libras, where you at? I know a great Virgo who needs a boyfriend! Libras are generally “intelligent, kind, and always willing to put others before themselves,” which is really the only difference between Virgos and Libras.
Scorpio
“Scorpios are reluctant to let anyone in, and are understandably less likely to engage in a casual relationship. Only 9% have or have come close to cheating, with most remaining faithful.” Well, what do you expect from a sign named after an animal that can kill you just from touching you? Yes, this is a good stat, but if you’re a Scorpio, you prob waited a long-ass time before settling down. Tell me I’m wrong. I dare thee. Before everyone attacks me in the comments, I’d just like to say that dating Scorpios isn’t as bad as it seems because they are loyal af and try really hard once they’re in a relationship. Getting them in the relationship is hard f*cking work, though, so you better damn well love this person before agreeing to put up with the bullsh*t for years and years.
Sagittarius
Sagittarius is basically another word for “extrovert.” If you need further proof of this, Chrissy Teigen is a Sagittarius. Boom. “Sagittarius are more likely to leave a relationship if they aren’t happy with the idea that the grass is always greener. Of those surveyed, EduBirdie found 23% have or have come close to cheating on their partner.” This basically confirms what we already knew: John and Chrissy truly are #relationshipgoals.
Capricorn
Capricorns are pretty similar to Virgos, except that their sense of humor is replaced by a desire to always be right. “Serious and independent, Capricorns are planners and less likely to settle down easily, but once settled won’t typically stray. Just 11% have considered cheating or gone through with it.” Interesante. Remind me why we bother with Capricorn? These the guys who tell us they can’t take us to frat formal because they don’t want to ruin the friendship?
Aquarius
“Aquarius babies connect with others on a deeper level, so one night stands are typically out of the question, with 10% considering or engaging in cheating behavior.” Those are pretty good odds, and honestly, any guy who is down to connect beyond a superficial level, especially in a city as big as New York, is fine in my book. On the downside, though, Aquarians can be temperamental and uncompromising, and many are shy and quiet. Ugh, I guess we can’t win?
Pisces
Pisces is one of the few words I can literally never spell correctly on the first try because it’s unnecessarily complicated, just like the people born between February 19 and March 20. “Compassionate and empathetic, like the other water signs, Pisces babies are faithful; only 12% have considered or engaged in cheating.” After reading this study, it doesn’t seem like a whole lot of the signs enjoy cheating, which is great for humanity, but a little boring for people who live for drama (hi).
Images: Giphy (12)
Sex and the City is nothing if not completely accurate (jokes), and Samantha’s unforgettable “all men cheat” proclamation is no exception. As a tried and true betch, I have no shame in admitting Samantha is my favorite, but I beg to differ on her bold statement circa season 2. According to a study conducted by the Institute for Family Studies, lots of people cheat. Specifically, it found, “Among men who have cheated on their spouse before, 61% are currently married, while 34% are divorced or separated. However, only 44% of women who have cheated before are currently married, while 47% are divorced or separated.” Am I dyslexic or do those numbers say 61% and 44%? ZOINKS! If so, that means that about half of the people who cheat are currently married! This is why I have trust issues. And they say millennials are killing relationships. I’m gonna go ahead and say we’re all killing relationships by cheating. And as I let these numbers marinate, *Carrie Bradshaw voice* I couldn’t help but wonder, why do people cheat?
It would be great if everyone in monogamous relationships who wants to stray from their significant others would just break up with them instead of lie to them, but what do I know? As it happens, nothing! Author, counselor, life coach and former cheater, David Essel, let me know that cheating is slightly more complicated than just wanting to bang someone you think is hot or revenge-f*cking that dude in your building who always hits on you. He says, “After understanding the reasons why I used to stray, I made a decision 20 years ago to never walk that path again, and I haven’t. I realized the downside of my actions were so much larger than the upside.” Honestly, he has a point. Telling yourself not to do something bad is useless, but understanding why you do something bad could help curtail the habit. Or something like that, IDK, I’ll leave it to the professionals here. If you’ve ever cheated, have been cheated on, or are considering cheating and want to understand why (so you can, like, not hurt someone you supposedly love!) keep reading to find out why people cheat.
1. Codependency
Ok, I know what you’re thinking: wouldn’t having an affair, whether physical or emotional, inherently make someone more independent than codependent? I thought the same thing. Essel’s working theory? “The independent person would go to his/her partner, even if it took 10 or 20 attempts to get to the bottom of why the relationship was starting to fail. However, the codependent person hates to rock the boat, so he/she may attempt talking to his/her partner one or two times, but if he/she don’t get the desired feedback, he/she will submerge the frustrations in the relationship.” As anyone who’s ever swept anything under the rug knows, if you do that enough, someone’s going to trip. In this case, the codependent person just kind of quietly gives up on the relationship and pretends everything is fine, but seeks validation and false senses of love from someone else, which, for a codependent person, makes total sense.
2. Resentment
I mean, duh. It’s a classic case of boy gets mad at girl, so boy f*cks another girl to even the score. This gross and juvenile pattern isn’t exclusively for men, but TBH, I’ve never known a woman who cheated on her boyfriend out of resentment. Just saying. Put more eloquently, Essel says, “when we have unresolved resentments with our partner, we may stray into another person’s bed as a way to ‘get back’ at our current partner.” What a great way to resolve a problem! Kidding. Contrary to popular opinion, I think there are a lot of better ways to address resentment that don’t involve another person or sexual intercourse—unless that other person is a couple’s counselor or the sexual intercourse is between the peeps in the relationship.
Like jealousy, resentment is a scary beast that needs to be addressed in a mature and reasonable way. To people who cheat to get back at their significant others for, like, not wanting to go to the Super Bowl if the f*cking Pats are playing, do you really think having sex with someone else is going to solve the problem? I asked a few people guilty of this to answer and they all kind of said some version of “No. It definitely made things worse. But in the moment, it seems like the only thing that could make me feel better in that specific moment.” As someone who has to either eat the whole pizza or none of it, I get it.
3. Justification
Essel defines this one in terms of “justifying, and defending, the right to have sex outside of the relationship.” Tbh, if you’re in a monogamous relationship, banging other people doesn’t really seem like a right you have, but sure. So, people who use external sex to justify their assumed right to bang whomever they please do so because they want to prove this ~right~ exists. Who are they proving it to? Themselves? Their significant other? The SO will def not agree that you are entitled to f*ck around while dating her/him unless you’ve specifically discussed non-monogamous terms.
These selfish f*cks are the type of people who don’t move when the subway doors open to let people on the platform board the train. In other words, they’re entitled. “But once again we can justify, rationalize, and defend any decision we make in life when we come from this place of entitlement.” What I’d like to know is what gives people this sense of entitlement? Who do they think they are, Cersei Lannister? Are boys who assume they can f*ck whoever they want regardless of whether or not they’re in an exclusive relationship running around town claiming “a *insert last name here* always pays his debt?” Look, if you are justifying cheating on your significant other out of a sense of entitlement, you do not deserve love you’re in for a rude awakening.
4. Boredom
Ah, yes, the most complex of reasons to destroy a relationship. Essel says, “Instead of dealing with our boredom by way of working with our partners and/or getting professional help to figure out ways in which we can be more creative in love, some people just put their heads in the sand and get their thrills outside of the relationship.” I mean, like, if you’re bored, figure out a way to entertain yourself that doesn’t involve potentially contracting STDs and betraying someone who loves you! I get bored all the time! In fact, I’m bored at work right now, but you don’t see me applying to other jobs at my current job! The worst part of cheating out of sheer boredom is the fact that the other person in the relationship didn’t even do anything wrong. Again, I’m not a professional, but if you are bored in your relationship, maybe don’t be in a relationship? Seems obvious, but sometimes the right answer is the simplest one.
At the end of the day, “everyone cheats” obviously isn’t true, but everyone f*cks up and that is a fact. If you do cheat, it’s my personal belief that if you are honest with your partner, and genuinely apologetic, you can figure out how to move forward and maybe end up in a better, stronger relationship. Laugh all you want, but once a cheater, not always a cheater, Rachel Green’s mom.
Images: Giphy (4)
Well, well, well, it looks like Jordyn Woods went from being called the “unidentified friend” in tabloid captions to being a household name overnight. I’m sure my girl Khloé is binge eating Halo Top (because Tristan isn’t worth the extra calories of Ben and Jerry’s) and wallowing with a mix of sappy break up ballads and sassy, empowering songs (Ariana Grande’s new album really couldn’t have come any sooner). Tristan has his basketball career to fall back on, and is a male, so he hasn’t been too affected by the cheating scandal. Jordyn, on the other hand, has lost everything. She lost her second family, her career as a Kardashian-adjacent person, and probably a lot of friends as well because she met Kylie through social overlap (specifically, mutual friend and failed Twitter philosopher Jaden Smith). While she’s worth around $5 million, one could argue that she got a number of jobs from the Kardashians, such as modeling for Yeezy and Khloé’s Good American, and working with Kylie on her cosmetics line. So all that’s gone to hell. Her other “jobs” include plus-size modeling, having an athleisure that no one’s ever heard of, and being a part-time DJ. Let’s face it, being a full-time DJ is hardly a career either. So we compiled a list of potential career paths Jordyn Woods can take now that she can’t benefit from being an honorary Kardashian.
Work At SUR
If you thought that I would be able to write an article without mentioning Vanderpump Rules, you are mistaken. So, I’m not sure if this is true or not because this “insider information” is from James Kennedy, but it would be amazing if Jordyn replaced Faith at SUR. Or any of the cast members, for that matter, because it’s obvious that none of them work there anymore except for James. Half of the cast has gotten their sh*t together, so their drama is so obviously contrived for the cameras. And the other half (and by other half, I solely mean Jax) just repeats the same scumbag storylines over and over again.
This show needs new blood, and this restaurant needs servers who aren’t so obviously after Instagram fame. Also, can we talk about the fact James is Team Khloé here? Literally all of the girls who are trying to ruin his life are buddy-buddy with her—including Kristen! Every girl knows the true sign of friendship is hating the same people, so don’t bother trying to sidle up to Khloé. Also, James, you’ve been caught cheating a million times. You’re Team Khloé on the streets, but Team Tristan in the sheets. You and Jordyn would get along swimmingly. Jordyn and Raquelle though? Not so much.
….Or Go On ‘Ex On The Beach’
Gotta be honest, I have no idea what this show is like. All I know is that Faith from Vanderpump Rules was on it. If this show was her fallback plan after she nearly broke up Jax and Brittany, then it’s a solid fallback plan for Jordyn as well. Also, being on any reality show is better than being on Life of Kylie.
Capitalize On Being A Social Media Influencer
I have often said that social media influencers are the absolute worst because the whole thing is so, so dumb. But if Jordyn is dumb enough to sleep with her best friend’s sister’s baby daddy, then I think she has the mental capacity to become the next Julia Rose, easily. After all, she does this kind of “work” already, and since the scandal with Tristan broke, her following has been increasing exponentially. So she already has a career that’ll last her until Instagram meets the same fate as Snapchat or Facebook. She probably won’t be as viable to hawk pricier items like Suspicious Antwerp or Danielle Guizio, however, I’m sure FabFitFun, DiffEyewear, and SugarBearHair are all chomping at the bit to send her free product.
Next time my parents call me a fuckup I’m just going to explain to them who Jordyn Woods is.
— sarafcarter (@sarafcarter) February 21, 2019
Write A Tell-All
Out of all of her options, this will grant her the most longevity. Believe me, I definitely, definitely know that novice writers don’t make much money. However, Jordyn’s foray into writing a tell-all about America’s royal family would rake in tons of money. They definitely have so much crazy sh*t going on behind the scenes that they keep even the worst people in their inner circle around because they know where the bodies are buried. After the book is released, she’ll have a whirlwind press tour where she tears up with Oprah Winfrey and does some lame-ass game with Jimmy Fallon. It will inevitably end when Ellen Degeneres overdoes it (yet again) by scaring her or doing some other beat-to-death jokes. Yet Jordyn will persevere because there will be a television series, documentary, film, etc. made from this. She’ll be reaping in royalties for years.
Launch A Makeup Line
If Jordyn can market Kylie’s lip kits, then she can market any kind of makeup. I mean, most of Kylie’s makeup line can only be worn by people who work at Hot Topic, people partying on Pride Day, and people who attend Electric Daisy Carnival. So Jordyn could easily start her own makeup line, especially if she stocks up on the Jordyn lip kits while they’re on clearance and then re-sells them at a profit. And, to be fair, she did just launch her own line of false eyelashes right at the peak of this cheating scandal. I mean, if Lala Kent can create a beauty line centered around herself being a rumored home-wrecker, then surely Jordyn can market a line of highlighters and uninspired liquid lipsticks with names like “Tristan”, “True”, and “The Makeout”. I mean, I wouldn’t not buy it.
Images: Giphy; sarafcarter / Twitter; itsjameskennedy / Instagram
Last week, JAY-Z (he wants us to capitalize it now lol) put out a new album that you probably haven’t listened to because you’re not the kind of girl who pays for Tidal when you already have Spotify. Because he’s extra AF, Jay also put out a “mini-documentary” to go along with the album, and in it he answers some of our most important questions.
Basically, he finally addresses how he obviously cheated on Beyoncé and how that clearly makes him the worst person on the planet: “I just ran into this place and we built this big, beautiful mansion of a relationship that wasn’t built on the 100 percent truth and it starts cracking. Things start happening that the public can see.” We’re pretty sure this is a reference to the infamous elevator fight with Solange, aka the moment that Jay was added to our permanent shit list.
Somewhere, Solange is wearing some hipster flowy dress and sipping her scalding hot tea, just rolling her eyes the hardest at all of this. Jay cheating hasn’t been news since Lemonade dropped a year ago, but it still feels fucked up to hear him talk about it, because like what the fuck was he thinking?
He also says in the documentary that one time he had to beg Bey not to leave him, and that the thought of losing her was harder than, like, selling crack for a living or trying not to get shot. Shit’s real. We have to give major credit to Beyoncé, who’s obviously less of a petty bitch than us, because we wouldn’t have taken that shit for half a second. Instead, now she literally can guilt trip him for the rest of his life to get what she wants, and he can’t say a fucking thing about it.
Thanks for your honesty Jay, now go back to kissing your wife’s ass, because you’re definitely still low-key on the shit list.
We co-host this episode with the girls from Bravo’s Daily Dish Podcast and talk all things reality TV—Kim Kardashian’s surrogate, updates on the recent Bachelor scandal, and a plethora of Vanderpump Rules-themed games. Dear Betch letters include questions about a potential fuckboy and potential sexual harassment at work.
Okay, look, I’m sorry for all the Friends references lately, but at the same time, not really. If you don’t like Friends, then I don’t like you. Anyway, we all remember the famous post-letter “Once a cheater, always a cheater” moment between Ross and Rachel. Well it turns out Rachel’s mom may have been right: a new study found cheaters will cheat again, depsite everything your lying, cheating fuckboy tells you otherwise. The short version is that every time a man person lies, they feel less guilty about doing it the second time. Which explains how Sean Spicer is still doing his job and has managed not to spontaneously combust at this point.
This study, published in Nature—which I absolutely did not read in its entirety because it was 18 pages in a PDF (not front and back, though—TG for small miracles), got together a bunch of people. They were split into two groups and shown a picture of a jar with coins in it. One set of images was clear and the other was blurry Riveting, I know. Bear with me. So the group who got the clear image was asked to help their blurry counterparts guess how many coins were in the jar. All was chill, nothing to see there. Then, in an Are You The One: Second Chances-esque twist, the clear group was told they would get money if their partners overestimated the amount of coins in the jar. Shockingly, when money was involved, the people with the clear images lied to their partners. And they lied more with repetition. So basically, every time your FWB lies that he wasn’t at the bar you very clearly saw him at, and you continue to fuck him anyway, it just makes him do it more.
At the same time (or maybe like, slightly after? Unclear), participants got also hooked up to a functional MRI. They looked at amygdala activity—which, if you paid attention at all in your AP Psych class, you’ll know is the region of the brain that’s involved with feeling emotions. You know, those things you don’t feel? So if you’re a decent person, when you lie a bunch of signals get sent to your amygdala and just light that shit up. But the study showed that each time you lie, your amygdala gets less and less sensitive to lies. In other words, you feel less bad. They also found that “the extent of reduced amygdala sensitivity to dishonesty on a present decision relative to the previous one predicts the magnitude of escalation of self-serving dishonesty on the next decision,” a sentence I have read 15 times now and still am just confused as the first time. If anybody can translate that sentence into English, please LMK. But what I THINK it means is that you can predict how much someone’s going to lie and fuck you over by looking at the last time they did that and then just increasing that. In purely scientific terms, it means TRUST NO FUCKBOY.
The scientists said all this points to a “slippery slope” effect that could help explain repeated infidelity. Basically, once you cheat and get away with it the first time, you’ll feel less and less bad each time. Which is literally what everyone on the r/relationships subreddit says, and they didn’t even need a fancy grant for that. So as far as you’re concerned, the second some asshole cheats on you, DUMP THEM. They will do it again, they won’t feel bad about it, and you can’t even blame it on their being a sociopath because they’re probably just a regular run-of-the-mill lyin’ ass hoe. And yes, that was the term the scientists used.
Unfortunately, while the scientists did determine the above hypothesis to be true, they have yet to reach a consensus as to whether or not Ross and Rachel were, in fact, on a break.
