Food—the cause and solution to all my work dilemmas. Keeping snacks on hand (i.e. stuffed into my mini fridge and filing cabinet) ensures that I’m less likely to hunt for free doughnuts or cookies once 2pm rolls around. Also, stashing them away allows me to snack in secret, leaving my coworkers wondering how I got so pretty and skinny when they never see me eat. You, too, can experience the excellence that comes with snacking without regret (and without being hungry in two hours). These are my favorite snacks that keep you full, but without making you feel bloated, tired, or all-around shitty afterwards. Time to head to your local grocery store and stock up.
1. Greek Yogurt With Berries
You’re really out of touch if you aren’t already singing the praises of Greek yogurt. When the 2pm hangries hit, go ahead and reach for a serving of Greek yogurt topped with blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, or some combo. The protein and calcium from the yogurt will keep you full while the berries provide antioxidants for your glowing complexion.
2. Hummus And Carrots
Duh. Keeping hummus and celery or carrots in your work mini fridge makes you seem fit and betchy. Hummus has lots of protein, and carrots have very few calories but lots of vitamins. It’s a solid mix of protein and fiber—perfect for keeping your fingers out of the free doughnut box.
3. Roasted Edamame
Eating this in the office may make you look kinda weird, but the full feeling and health benefits are totes worth it. According to Reader’s Digest (because I’m an 85-year-old man who loves puzzles and this shitty magazine), edamame contains calcium, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium, folate, vitamins C, E, and B6, plus a lot more shit that I don’t feel like typing. Plus, ¼ cup is only about 130 calories, 8 grams of fiber, and 14 grams of protein—all of which will keep you full until you can order Domino’s.
Wasabi! BBQ! Soy sauce! Cinnamon! Your almonds don’t have to be shitty and boring—you can either flavor them yourself or grab a small serving pack of them literally anywhere. They’re nutritionally dense and will keep you hella full while you put off doing that spreadsheet for the fourth time.
5. Roasted Chickpeas
Are you too good for hummus? If so, try roasting your chickpeas instead of blending them into the betch food pyramid cornerstone we all know and love. They’re crunchy, you can flavor them however you choose, and about ¼ cup of them is only about 120 calories. You can also grab them from places like Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s where someone has already lovingly roasted them for you.
I don’t care what you say, jerky is a fantastic food to keep in your desk when you’re hungry and sad. There’s quite a bit of protein to be had, and if you buy a good and bougie variety, there may be very little in the way of artificial flavors, additives, etc.
7. Hard-Boiled Eggs
Nothing says “I’m hopeless, but at least I’m fit” like shoving a hard-boiled egg into your mouth around 2:15pm on a Tuesday, LOL AMIRITE. But seriously, eggs are a great source of protein and are only about 90 calories each. So either eat a whole hard-boiled egg, or chop it up and put it on a piece of whole wheat toast for a more normal (and satisfying) midday snack that won’t result in hunger an hour later.
8. Dark Chocolate
Thank you, God! Three squares of dark chocolate (or even five or six dark chocolate Hershey’s Kisses) can help regulate your stress hormones, which, honestly, are probs part of why you’re hungry anyway. Plus, dark chocolate has antioxidants and usually lower sugar than the more common milk variety.
Again, if you really want to just weird out your coworkers (sign me up), dive into a jar of pickles every day at the exact same time. They only have 16 calories per cup, which means you can def eat the whole jar or play “how many can I fit in my mouth” with three to six of them at a time. Since pickles are (spoiler alert) just cucumbers soaked in vinegar, the water content will keep you full and stop your salt cravings.
Images: Anastasia Zhenina, Unsplash; Giphy (8)
It’s 4/20: high schooler stoner holiday galore. But before you get ready to puff, puff, pass, make sure you’re stocked up on snacks that won’t result in next day regrets (i.e. cheese balls and a pack of bologna… I speak from experience). Having healthy grabs around will keep you from inhaling a box of Cheese-Its or polishing off a block of cheddar when the munchies hit. If you don’t have any of this shit on hand, it’s time to make a high trip to Whole Foods—nothing you haven’t done before, we’re sure.
A vital part of the betch food pyramid, hummus is a dippable and delicious (AND nutritious) snack perfect for dipping carrots or pita chips in when you’re seeing sounds. Or you can eat it with a spoon and we won’t judge. Not only is that shit super high in nutrients, but it’ll also help curb the “I’m hungry” feelings.
2. Tortilla Chips And Salsa
No one knows where the blind loyalty to chips and salsa came from, but for betches, this is a bitchin snack when we’re sober, drunk, high, waiting for our burritos, etc. Salsa literally has like, no calories, and lots of tortilla chips—like On The Border brands—are organic, baked, use sea salt, and are generally healthier than other alternatives.
3. Kale Chips
You’re dying for some Lays or Cape Cod chips, but kale chips will make you feel one with the Earth AND you won’t gain 10 lbs. eating them. Either make them yourself by tossing kale with olive oil, salt, and parmesan and baking at 350F for about 15 minutes (get your hippie friend to make them—she absolutely has a recipe) or buy at—YOU GUESSED IT—Whole Foods.
4. Sweet Potato Fries
Fries are fucking amazing when you’re drunk, high, or whatever. Sweet potato fries are better for you, bring that whole sweet and salty thing, and you can eat a shit ton of them (which probs isn’t the best but whatever, it’s a holiday). Try ’em baked (LOL) which will be less calories and fat than having them fried.
5. Roasted Chickpeas
Totally poppable, full of protein, and not terrible for you, you can make roasted chickpeas yourself or buy them premade in the extra healthy aisle at Whole Foods (Trader Joe’s if you’re poor). The best part is, these can be made to taste like allllll your fav chips—salt and vinegar, classic, barbecue, pickle—WTF ever.
6. Instant Oatmeal
Cereal somehow becomes extremely appealing and crave-able when you’re hitting the jazz cabbage, and instant oatmeal is a perfect comfort food. So, heat that shit up with a little maple syrup, toasted almonds, and brown sugar and bam—not totally horrible snack to nom on. It only really requires a microwave and a few cups of water or milk, so no matter how high you are, you really can’t fuck this up.
7. Beef Jerky
So much protein! You’ll be reaching for salty goodness, so reach for something that’ll help curb the munchies and taste amazing. With the plethora of flavors out there now (chili lime, spicy, classic, bbq, teriyaki), jerky is a great high protein snack that’s totally okay to indulge in. Plus they tell them at 7-11 so you can kill two birds with one stone when your bf just needs to get his slushie and questionable pizza fix.
8. Toasted Pumpkin Seeds
You could inhale 1 cup of these and it’d still be better than most of the shit you reach for whilst chasing rainbows. You can buy them pre-toasted or do it yourself by tossing cleaned raw seeds with butter, salt, and pepper and baking in a 300F oven for 40 minutes. Shit, you can even go sweet and do butter, cinnamon, and sugar. The possibilities are endless. Honestly, though, if you’re high out of your mind (as you should be on 4/20) we do NOT recommend carving out the inside of a pumpkin with a knife or any other sharp objects.
9. Apples With Peanut Butter
A little grammar school, yes, but these won’t result in regret or water retention. Peanut butter is a go-to stoner snack and adding apples will help you slow your roll while you’re dipping into it. But like, don’t eat too much peanut butter because then it kinda negates the whole “healthy” aspect.
10. Hemp-Infused Shit
You could also always head to the store and grab hemp-infused treats like Activated SuperFood Cereal; LARABAR Organic Bar with Hazelnut, Hemp, and Cacao; or even Organic Hemp Hearts to sprinkle on literally everything. None of that shit will get you high (bummer), but it is super healthy and, like, it has hemp so whatever. It’s festive.