Here’s Everyone In The White House Who’s Tested Positive For COVID

As you may have heard by now, President Trump tested positive for coronavirus. This news, which broke late Thursday night, turned out to be kind of a big deal, and by that I mean I didn’t stop thinking about it for more than five minutes all weekend. In the ensuing days, we’ve gotten more and more spine-tingling breaking news notifications, as a number of prominent Republicans have received positive COVID diagnoses. The outbreak is suspected to originate with the White House’s event last Saturday to nominate Judge Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court, where attendees were reportedly tested and told masks were not required.

There’s been a lot of news to keep track of in the fallout of the GOP’s big Supreme Court super-spreader party, so let’s go down the list of who’s confirmed to be COVID-positive. These include people who worked in the White House or work elsewhere in government but may have been infected at the White House event.

Hope Hicks

We got the ball rolling on Thursday evening, when DJT announced via Twitter that senior White House counselor Hope Hicks had “just tested positive for Covid 19.” Trump felt the need to specify that Hope had been “working so hard without even taking a small break,” which seems like it’s beside the point, other than that it would suggest she came into contact with a lot of people in recent days. That included the President and First Lady, who were beginning their “quarantine process” while awaiting test results.

Donald Trump

It only took a few hours for the other shoe to drop, as President Trump announced his positive diagnosis on Twitter at 1am on Friday. Depending on your sleep schedule, you either fell asleep or woke up to this news. Trump noted that he was experiencing mild symptoms, but again said he would begin his “quarantine and recovery process immediately.”

On Friday afternoon, it was announced that Trump would be relocating to his suite at Walter Reed Medical Center “out of an abundance of caution,” where he was to spend the next few days working hard. Yeah, sure. Since then, Trump and his doctors and staff have painted a confusing picture of where his health is at, giving conflicting answers about his use of supplemental oxygen, the timeline of his diagnosis and symptoms, and the reasoning for administering multiple medications that are usually reserved for those with severe cases.

On Sunday, President Trump—who should absolutely still be isolating—left the hospital for a quick joyride through a crowd of supporters, with Secret Service agents forced to drive him in an airtight car with the windows up. After being uncharacteristically quiet on Twitter for much of the weekend, the President went on one of his standard tweet rampages on Monday morning, suggesting that his condition could be improving. You know it’s rough when deranged tweets about the Space Force are a sign that the President is acting normal again.

Melania Trump

Melania Trump’s positive result was announced along with the President’s, deflecting attention from a just-leaked tape of her saying that she doesn’t give a f*ck about Christmas decorations or children in cages. There’s been a lot less discussion surrounding her symptoms than her husband’s. Initially, she said she was “feeling good,” and unlike her husband, she’s actually stayed put at the White House for the last 72 hours. Isolating—it’s not actually that hard! Lucky for her, she’s gotten to spend a few days away from Donald.

Senator Mike Lee

On Friday, Senator Mike Lee announced his diagnosis, saying that he tested positive on Thursday after a prior negative result when visiting the White House earlier in the week. As we should all know by now, it can take several days for the virus to fully develop, which can lead to false negative results in the initial period after contracting the virus.

With Lee’s announcement, the picture started coming into focus, with all roads leading back to the September 26th event at the White House Rose Garden, where Amy Coney Barrett was introduced as Trump’s Supreme Court nominee. Video from the event, at which attendees sat close together and mostly went mask-less, showed Senator Lee hugging numerous people. The guest list was a who’s who of GOP elite, and the resulting positive tests are an indication of how easily this virus is spread.

Senator Thom Tillis

Also on Friday, North Carolina Senator Thom Tillis announced his own positive test result, and said he would isolate at home in North Carolina. Tillis was also present at the White House event the weekend prior. For what it’s worth, he’s also up for reelection and is in a tight race, so if you’re a North Carolina voter, you know what to do.

Kellyanne Conway

This whole situation is a mess, but there’s perhaps no messier piece than Kellyanne Conway’s COVID status being outed by her daughter on TikTok. Who knows if Kellyanne would have gone public without the pressure from Claudia, but her hand was forced. She shared her news in a tweet on Friday night, saying that “as always, my heart is with everyone affected by this global pandemic.” As always? Really, Kellyanne? Tell that to all the people who have been out of work for the last seven months because Republicans wouldn’t enforce stay-at-home orders and mask mandates. Ugh.

Nicholas Luna

Trump’s personal assistant has also tested positive. That makes sense.

Chris Christie

The test results kept rolling in over the weekend, and on Saturday, former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie—who was also at the White House event—announced his own COVID-positive result. This seems like a big helping of karma, considering that earlier in the pandemic, Christie came under fire for hanging out at a beach that was closed to the public due to COVID restrictions. Like President Trump, Christie checked himself into a hospital asa “precautionary measure,” a luxury that most Americans could never afford. Medicare for all!

Senator Ron Johnson

Also on Saturday, Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson announced he was COVID-positive. In September, he completed a 14-day quarantine after being exposed, but did not contract the virus. This time, however, he attended a fundraising event while awaiting his test result, which came back positive. Guys, it’s not that hard. If you’re pretty sure you’ve been exposed, STOP GOING TO EVENTS. Interestingly enough, Johnson was the first notable case from someone who was not present at the Supreme Court event, suggesting that the virus was spread further among GOP politicians last week. If that’s the case, there could be a lot more positive results on the way.

Kayleigh McEnany

After a comparatively quiet day on Sunday, White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany announced her positive test result on Monday morning, after addressing reporters without a mask on numerous times in the last week. She noted that she had previously tested negative every day since last Thursday, but again, we know it can take a while for the virus to register on tests. Two of her deputies have also tested positive.

Those are the biggest names, but they’re not the only ones who have been affected. Trump’s campaign manager Bill Stepien tested positive on Friday, as did at least three White House press room journalists. Since then, Trump’s personal attendant tested positive, followed by multiple staffers who work in White House press room. Kellyanne Conway’s daughter, Claudia, also tested positive.

the So here we are, less than 3o days before the election, and more than a dozen GOP leaders and White House staffers have been hit with a deadly virus that they’ve spent much of this year denying is a serious threat. It would almost be poetic, if it wasn’t so f*cking frustrating. The best case scenario is that this whole debacle will slow down the confirmation process for Amy Coney Barrett and swing the election in Democrats’ favor, but there’s no safe assumption at this point, and no one knows where this will end.

Stephen Miller

Tuesday’s headline news came when Stephen Miller, the President’s senior advisor, became the latest top White House official to test positive. Miller, who was a longtime colleague of Steve Bannon before working in the White House, has more recently become known as one of the chief architects of putting kids in cages at the border. Not a great guy. His diagnosis didn’t come as a huge surprise, considering that he was right there at the Rose Garden ceremony, schmoozing with all the other GOP brass.

Images: Frederic Legrand – COMEO /


The White House Is Officially Hopeless

Well, the music has been turned off and the lights have been turned on for Hope Hicks’ position as Communication Director in the White House. Hope Hicks’ departure might feel very sudden, but I’m not sure what type of career longevity we’re expecting from a former handbag model turned Senior Advisor to the President.

The announcement of her resignation came not even a full day after she testified for nine hours to the House Intelligence Committee. In this testimony she admitted that she sometimes would tell “white lies” to the president. Is a white lie when the president says things like both sides are to blame for the Charlottesville incident? Oh, no – that’s a white supremacist lie. Well, if nothing else, I will say the bitch knows how to make an exit.

Supposedly she had decided it was time to step down a few days before the testimony but methinks I smell another white lie, honey. This news also follows her boyfriend Rob Porter’s departure from the White House after two of his former wives accused him of domestic abuse. Uh, hopefully she isn’t leaving to spend more time with him. Hope was known to be able to quell Trump’s anger and tone down the aggression in his tweets. If she was the only thing standing between us and a nuclear apocalypse, then sorry babe, you have to turn around and sit back down at your desk.

So what will she get up to now? Well, she is literally 29-years-old and is hot enough to get away with still going to Cancun for Spring Break, so the timing of that works out really well. It’s doubtful she’ll follow in Omarosa’s footsteps and sign up to be a on a reality show, but I also never thought Omarosa would be working in the White House, so honestly who fucking knows.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

Who Is Hope Hicks And What Highlighter Does She Use?

If when you hear the words “Donald Trump” and “former model” in the same sentence, you immediately jump to sexual assault allegations or Forbes-magazine-spanking scandals, you’re not alone and I really can’t blame you. However, there’s a former model currently working in the White House as an indentured servant named Melania who might accidentally be the one who brings down the Trump presidency from the inside. So who exactly is Hope Hicks and how did she get a job in the White House with no prior political experience? Here’s what we know.

Who TF Is Hope Hicks?

Trump’s third attempt at choosing a White House Communications Director that will last more than 10 days (RIP “the Mooch”) is former model and NYC publicist, Hope Hicks. Hicks worked at a PR firm representing major celebs like the Trump family, and specifically Ivanka, who poached her to work on b0th expanding her clothing brand and then modeling her pieces as well. When clients come into our office, they usually ask me to fetch them coffee or point out the bathrooms instead of offering me my big modeling break, but I’m not bitter or anything.

Before she was a big shot publicist, Ms. Hicks still had her finger on the pulse of Manhattan’s elite in another way. Before she modeled for Ralph Lauren and Ivanka, Hope was on the cover of the Gossip Girl spinoff series about Jenny Humphrey called It Girl. Just when you thought little J could literally not get any more insufferable, she ends up working to desperately make Trump look sane in the public eye.

Ivanka clearly trusted Hope because she looks hot in her clothes to promote her family in a positive light, which led to the Big D hiring her as Communications Director because she looks hot in Ivanka’s clothes even though she’s only 29 and has no political experience whatsoever. While that is seriously impressive and, like, inspirational to young bad business bitches everywhere, I can’t think of any person in their twenties who is actually qualified to hold an official government position. Every year before 30 is still a shit-show and deserves to be treated as such before it’s socially unacceptable to end the night wasted and asleep with a bowl of mac and cheese in your bed.

Why Is She In Trouble?

As a Communications Director, it’s Hicks’ job to attempt to filter the insane shit that leaks out of Trump’s mouth to at least make him look semi-sane and to stop him from saying something that will get him in tons of trouble (TBH she’s doing a pretty terrible job as far as that’s concerned). One of her responsibilities is literally to type out Trump’s tweets as he dictates to her through greasy mouthfuls of McDonald’s, and my question is just…how could you let those get posted? A small part of your educated, press-savvy brain must be rotting away having to use the wrong “there/their” and punctuating everything with indiscriminate caps lock. I know I have a slight aneurysm every time I read one.

At the moment, Hope may be in hot water now that it was revealed that she and Trump allegedly drafted the statement together that claimed Donald Jr.’s meeting with Russian lawyers had nothing to do with dirt on Hillary Clinton and was about lifting sanctions on Russian adoption. You’re not exactly proving your PR skills, girl, because that is the least believable lie I’ve ever heard since those few months when Kylie Jenner tried to pretend she doesn’t have lip injections. It’s (literally) written all over your face.

Mark Corallo, a former legal spokesman for the Trump administration who resigned last July, claims that Hope told him Don Jr.’s emails about the meetings “will never get out,” which some might take as a threat that she plans to cover them up and prohibit anyone from seeing them – AKA obstruction of muhfuckin’ justice. Corallo plans to testify to Mueller that Hicks may have had knowledge of or intent to obstruct justice, which would lump Trump himself right into the equation if they cite the statement they drafted together about the Russia meeting.

It’s also worth noting that the PR firm Hicks previously worked for was owned by a guy who made his name as Harvey Weinstein’s publicist, so it’s clear that Hicks learned her techniques from the top of the covering-up-dubious-behavior food chain.

Oh Little H, did you learn nothing from Blair Waldorf? The secret to a good lie is making sure no one ever finds out. If you really have something to do with holding back information, it looks like your “hope” of keeping your job – and staying out of jail – might get squashed. I hope you know how to model orange jumpsuits. XOXO.

What Highlighter Does She Use?

Unfortunately Hope has not spoken out on this important topic, but hopefully Robert Mueller can include this line of questioning her in deposition. The American people deserve to know.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!